Short Story on Belonging and Not Belonging

[Anonymous No.1697169]

Hey /lit/
I'm trying to write a short story concerned with the idea of belonging and not belonging for an assignment. This is what I have so far. Feel free to provide your evaluation and any tips on how to improve it.

The alarm didn’t echo through the suburban pit.
The wife didn’t nag for her pills.
The kids didn’t avert their gaze from a hypnotic cartoon.

I didn’t rush to the office and smirk at the sarcastically topical comments of a morning paper.
Nor was I caught in the inevitable jams which ensure even the freeway isn’t free anymore.

The signs didn’t direct me.
The billboards didn’t perplex me.
The gravity defying pants of today’s hipster youth didn’t confuse me.

But a mother still cooked, cleaned and embodied the future.
A newspaper still connected the alienated.
A company still killed the imagination.

All without my help.

[Anonymous No.1697177]

Continued

The snake didn’t take my spot at work, lead the weekly productivity meeting or steal her gaze.

I didn’t recount a weekends worth of monotony around the water hole, didn’t dream of something better, and didn’t aspire to greatness.

The motivation posters didn’t inspire.
The rows of cubicles didn’t remind.
The copies of copies didn’t trivialize.

But a sly snake still soared where the eagles fly.
A shallow discourse still outmatched a plastic cup.
The hive still flourished in perpetuation.

It didn’t need me.

[Anonymous No.1697195]

bump

[Anonymous No.1698847]

shameless self bump

[Anonymous No.1698855]

i would not call that a short story. that trifle aside, the contents of your short story are too broad and undeveloped. if you hadn't explicitly stated that it concerned "belonging and not belonging", i probably wouldn't have seen it.