Poetry Thread

[Anonymous No.16772406]

Post it
Rate it
DO BOTH

[Anonymous No.16772425]

>>16772406
The house is warm
And all the guests are in
Outside the window
In the grey
The leaves are trembling
And in the room with chandeliers
The night will soon commence
I hear the people in this room
Pretending to be friends.
And I should go
And I should meet
And greet them
But alas
My eyes are partial to the leaves
Beyond the cracked glass

[Anonymous No.16772430]

>>16772425
Commence is cringy as fuck. Write like a human being who actually talks to people

[Anonymous No.16772545]

>>16772425
I liked that quite a bit anon :) but I agree with >>16772430 that "the night will soon commence" is weak. It is the most impotent line from an imagist perspective and your poem seems kind of imagist to me. Each line enters the readers consciousness as a little picture, and night 'commencing' is weirdly vague and calls no image to mind or at best a very vague one supplied almost entirely by the reader. What has night commenced? being a thing that is present? Better to give it a more active verb, even something as obvious as "in the room with chandeliers/the night begins to fall." I'm sure you can come up with something better than that too.

[Anonymous No.16772559]

>>16772406
I want to have sex with a loli.
I want to have sex with a loli.
I want to have sex with a loli.
I want to have sex with a loli.

Will a loli ever die?
No good sir, she's ever spry.
Will a loli ever age?
No good sir, she'd lose her wage.

Lolis smell better than a blooming flower.
Lolis taste better than a sprout of cauliflower.
Lolis look better than any supermodel.
Lolis feel better than my water bottle.
Lolis sound better than a robot.
Lolis think better than Immanuel Kant.

Lolis are fun, lolis are good.
Fuck a loli like you should.
Lolis are cute, lolis are pure.
Sex with lolis is the cure.
Lolis are hot, lolis are great.
Take a loli on a date.
Lolis are love. Lolis are life.
Soon you'll have a loli wife.

Lolis cum and lolis go.
Lolis prancing to-and-fro.
Lolis whisper in your ear.
Lolis stroke your fleshen spear.
Lolis can set you alight.
Lolis will make you ignite.
Lolis are precocious dames.
Lolis leave your life in flames.

Lolis love cum. Lolis love dick.
I want a loli to suck me quick.
Lolis love to lick sweaty ass.
I want a loli to jerk me fast.
Lolis love to swallow cum.
I want a loli to have some fun!

See a loli. She looks neat.
Taste a loli. Sweet little treat.
Hear a loli. She sounds funny!
Touch a loli. Touch her cunny.
Smell a loli. She smells sweet.

Loli tastes good on my tongue.
Loli says that I'm so hung.
Loli wants me to go down.
Loli gets taken to town.
Loli gets her cunny licked.
Loli gets her cunny dicked.
Loli moans in carnal pleasure.
Loli takes my pearly treasure.
Loli snuggles up with me.
Loli is cute as can be.

How many lolis can you lick?
How many lolis can you dick?
How many lolis make you cum?
How many lolis lick your bum?
How many lolis suck your cock?
How many lolis use TikTok?

Suck a loli's undeveloped nips.
Kiss a loli's perfect little lips.
Pound a loli's precious flower;
Demonstrate your phallic power.
Make a loli squirm and cum
While you kiss her, use your tongue.
Finish deep inside her cunny;
Holy shit she's cute and funny.

Lay a loli on her bed.
Kiss her and her face turns red.
Gently brush her hair aside.
Probe your fingers deep inside.
Make her squeal and make her squirm
Till your cock gets nice and firm.
Spread her precious cunny wide
And take that loli for a ride.
Breed her till she falls asleep
With your cock still buried deep.
Snuggle her and hold her tight.
Keep her body warm tonight.

[Anonymous No.16772572]

I can't believe poetry is a real thing.
It makes no sense, no sense at all.
It's like, if I phrase my sentences in a contrived way.
While saying nothing at all.
Fags.

[Anonymous No.16772588]

>>16772406
In the image because the spacing is important. Wrote it after my last breakup. Not sure if it makes sense to anyone besides me.

[Anonymous No.16772615]

>>16772430
>>16772545
Thanks for the feedback, I'll try to change it. In my defense, I meant night not as a literal night but the event which people gathered for e.g. carnival night, the beginning of which likely, but not necessarily coincides with the coming of actual night

[࿇ C Œ M G E N V S ࿇ !KNDYYIIins No.16772647]

BREVE MOMENTO ES TU ALBA,

MAS DE LONGA JORNADA SOLAZ;

NACIENDO EN ASCENSO FUGAZ

DESTIERRAS LA NOCHE ACABADA;

O, REVELADA MARIPOSA,

A LAS TINIEBLAS DANDO GUERRA

DESPEJAS DÏURNO EL CIELO;

ENCELADA Y PRIMOROSA

DE NOCTAS QUIMERAS LA TIERRA

DEPURAS CON TU PULCRO CELO;

PREGONANDO AL DÍA VIENES,

ANUNCIANDO AL SOL ADVIENES,

Y, COMO NO QUERIENDO, CEDES

TU MAÑANA A EL VÏERNES;

SOBRE EL ORBE EXTÏENDE

LAS ALAS TUYAS ESPLENDENTES,

CUAL FRÍO MANTO UNIVERSAL,

MONARCA, QUE DE ELLAS BASTA

UN ATISBO PARA VISLUMBRAR

EL FUTURO QUE ARREBATA.

[Anonymous No.16772679]

Snickery Pickerry pock
A man sailed into the dock
Doesn't even really rhyme
With the next line
Repetition repetition repetition

Trickery dickery doc.
The devil walked through the clock.
The clock came down.
Upon his crown.
Trickery dickery doc.

Hickery dickery toc
The devil came out of the clock
The clock struck nine
The time of crime
Hickery dickery toc

[Anonymous No.16772687]

Homophone for breaking bones.

Design the mind wave sign rave mine grave whine: tragically split in twine; remind to incline and deign to supine. Bite into the rind right in time: she; once ever so fine - twice stepped over the line.

Thrice the ice giest paid the price: spilled the dice; ivory lice of lively wives naively tried and tried and tried (died sometimes to ride sometimes to cry) WHY! You cinder mistress fidelity spinstress weaving those tales out of oblivion and wit!

Weirder ways no stranger tilts. He built ranger no yays; no guilt. Backward stays to the back dagger hilt back swagger mill when dirge dragger trills thrills beat back skills sent. Haze of the- blaze in Ra. Phased, so, duh. Soda pop rocker wants to tick tock on my mighty ba-gock not-lock anti-war disposition. Hive commission decision emission detect my suspicion and wish on you stupid hexer heavy hoisting half-wit heavy reaver. Track trick wicked nick in the way to recked renders another fay sundered measle pic pox-ete on your bed.

Eevio effervescence ended declension rip in the dimension I’ve mentioned before and watch those whores wallow in my snoredom; oblique yet clear boredom on my face. Embrace that! Simple nodder. Long path trodder, big bill wadder, old codger with the laugher of nhil.

Whiskers rotted out the ring tree crooning bee sting grown thing wing bat core ding fly wild pony ball ling-ga-ling long King Kong bing bong moan wrong in the instant of detection

Inspector said: ‘read my hips”. She dug them in my grips and I fed on and on on that carbuncle tongue. Depth lizard mistard spelled out distrust his her her his word. Mumbled crap in the butter sack and I wondered: “venomous wonder of the laughing night! Sunset sunder that sick sallow Sammy-Sally wight; ghost light lemme retrace tetra cigga. Wiggin out on that free play dream day real sky pie diamond.

Mentalist mega-hiss dome. Chlor-o-phone cone of the shapes mad hatter. Clatter rap and dapper creams on the winking eye of timorous frog poison. Bog slice here my cogs, dear, my out of sprocket dangling wires of hair. Bare the way glow and say, riddle clay and statues may...

Set you in stone.

[Anonymous No.16772695]

>>16772425
It’s a subject of the forlorn sir.

[Anonymous No.16772965]

Pathetic.

[Anonymous No.16772972]

>>16772425
should rhyme more
>>16772559
How long did that take?
>>16772572
BASED
>>16772588
I cant stand old English.
>>16772647
gibberish
>>16772679
The middle is the best, it makes sense.
The last one is shit.
>>16772687
Cant be bothered. Look alright though.
>>16772406
I eat her ass
With no class

She cums enough
To fill a glass

All expectations
Are surpassed

[Anonymous No.16773093]

Between the phone calls
The impotent crooks had worked extra hard together
Arresting the tenors and the field nurses
Moving into the city in the morning
And leaving with our wives at night
I am at my wits ends with the rainbows
Casting shadows over the Stuyvesant bricks
Nail polish and bed wetting
Lobbed a bag of knishes at some vandals
Who were hammering "libertatem" into a tree
At Hamilton fish, at Bronson Canyon
Our ballot, stuffed in the pockets of our Andorran made slacks
Long forgotten after coffee and cake
Double agents carousing behind desktops
Locating self-loathers and Freud
What a treat it will be to read on the plane
Asking the stewardess for the whole can of coke
The power is out in the uplands, the leaves are all dead
I will be home in two months and look you in the eyes

[Anonymous No.16773333]

>>16772972
>I cant stand old English.
It’s Middle English and it actually isn’t even really that. The lines with ‘lovedst’ etc. are direct references to the Libretto of Pound’s Canto LXXXI: "What thou lovest well remains/the rest is dross/What thou lov’st well shall not be reft from thee/What thou lov’st well is thy true heritage” etc.

[Anonymous No.16773341]

>>16772615
Oh that makes that line make a lot more sense sense in general. I think the descriptions of nature before it and throughout made me interpret it as the end of the literal day but it’s possible that I’m just retarded. Swapping night for a word that clearly indicated that it was a social event/soirée or whatever might improve the clarity a little, although all the examples that come to my mind (feast, dinner, dance, ball) don’t sound quite right.

[Anonymous No.16773394]

>>16772647
>>16772559
You make me sick

[Anonymous No.16773407]

zoomer zooming
boomers blooming
at the end of life

who is ranting
who is raving
who forgot their wife

meeting under a tree
or a veni vidi quote
leave your socks on
live a little
maybe keep the coat

[Anonymous No.16773422]

>>16772588
I quite like this, it's very soothing for some reason
>>16772687
Crazily energetic, I like how the punctuation helps to create rhythm and it's very fun to read aloud

[Anonymous No.16773443]

>>16773407
>or a veni vidi quote
should have been a "live love quote", wrote to fast

[Anonymous No.16773487]

>>16772406
A supersonic plastic box
Shooting through the threshold
hair-ness floats in a rear-view mirror
Reflections of a place unknown

darkness heaves and sighs and falls
purpura dances, bleeding through
breathing gusts of floral rain
a hemisphere stew

as time makes its slinking drool
and fingers smudge across glass
passing by homes for faces
we fly into the lonely night

out from the caucus of light bulbs
and civil amenities now barnacles
salt and sulfur spread their pollen
until grasping lungs can't hold their songs of pain

For all my fizzling moments
And our was God's hand here or not?
yet, I have nothing to show for the beauty I've seen
Only thoughts about the gloom I forgot

[Anonymous No.16773874]

>>16773422
>I quite like this, it's very soothing for some reason
Thanks anon :) that was precisely its function for me when I wrote it. I’d also recommend maybe reading Ezra Pound’s Canto LXXXI, the Libretto of which it was partially based on and which has a similar effect on me.

[Anonymous No.16773928]

>>16772406
*sighs*
I used to be gay once...

Bulbous clouds drape along to form a viscous tide churning its contents sky ward
gently veiling the delicate hues projected unto the atmosphere

As the sun bids adieu
Parting Rays of light pierce through each cloud and dissipate into their structures
Illuminating a gently fluctuating network

Flourishes of colour make them selves apparent
Expanding their territory by leaking into the sky
developing brilliant streaks that merge adjacent clouds into one great work of tapestry

Tinges entertwine unfolding a symmetrical expanse
Wavering utterances of sunlight cause colours to emmanate in glowing pulses
The intensity: such that it brings any narcotic vision to shame

In its ritual the sun parts with the earth and delivers it shadow

I guess I still am

[Anonymous No.16774008]

My philosophy that will save in times to come
With a deft hand I will now paint my case
That no university could argue or erase
In trepidation the words shall flow

And in the end they shall slow
For my point is made and if in the end
They reach your heart
Then rejoice for only in hoariness they shall part

The utility is naught for thee
For they are not in person to be
If you solely want to influence
Online politics should be kept at a distance

Local communities feel a quake
When your plant your foot on the floor
But boasting about rhetoric on a screen
With people far flung from your communal door

Has no impact on you or your wellbeing
So these are people you shouldn’t be seeing
If you want to make your people strong
Then the road to virtue will take you along

Worship to societies and individuals is the easy path
But as the years pass your idleness will make others laugh
The outside is bright and ready to reap
So take your eyes from the screen don’t be a sheep.

[Anonymous No.16774032]

My head wags over colored steam
that strays from a pale pond; it flows up my nostrils
and cushions my cold brain.

Then it morphs into an old picture,
a group of strangers breathing basil in a room,
their faces snug in new laughter.

And for a minute I see my own face streaming
from their warm lips, swaying through the room
light as a handkerchief.

But I remember where I really am,
earthbound like a stump while death
disturbs the air and authors isolation.

[Anonymous No.16774052]

>>16772559
There is nothing more disgusting, repellent and reprehensible on this earth than rhyming couplets.

[Anonymous No.16774071]

>>16772430
Based never-read-poetry-or-any-book-for-that-matter-in-his-life-bro

[Anonymous No.16774077]

>>16773487
This third stanza is the most appealing but the rest is too opaque without aesthetic rewards to keep it enticing. If you want to be opaque that’s fine, but you have to write beautifully in order to pull that off. But you spend too much time indulging in your jargon instead of thinking of if the reader will enjoy the experience. It’s fine to be deeply in your head but you have to build a more desirable bridge between yourself and the audience. I suggest learning to write clear, simple poems before getting into denser themes. I had to do the same thing myself and found that writing clearly was much more effective and still allowed me to explore imagination liberally.
>>16773093
This is a good poem, and I don’t just mean that in a cursory way. Your language is engaging, images palpable but not without artistry, and the musicality is fluid. Who do you read? This is one of the cleanest works I’ve seen in these threads in awhile. You write like you’re English, are you English?
>>16774008
This is a dry poem. You need to use more creative imagery to entice your reader, don’t just tell your ideas so plainly and without flavor. There needs to be a reason to read this, you can’t assume that your ideas are enough to engage someone, there needs to be an aesthetic, an atmosphere, a lure. This reminds me of Pope or some other pedant and I really wish it didn’t. Pope is great but he only barely escape total dryness with his craft. You need to write with more color.

>>16774032 is my poem.

[Anonymous No.16774093]

>>16772647
En serio hermoso

[Anonymous No.16774278]

>>16774077
Thanks for the advice, I will take it into account. I thought the second stanza was okay, but as I look through the whole thing more I think I see what you mean about opacity. I am not really familiar with the rules of poetry or what constitutes a good poem besides its most instinctual reactions. I like your poem but, just as it appears, I don't really like 'Then' as opening. What do you think?

[Anonymous No.16774595]

>>16772425
i like it

[Anonymous No.16774596]

>>16772406
she seeps into the wall
it folds around trembling lips
the arms of a mother

fingers of ice under the skin
bone shards scattered through snow
puncturing the womb
she lies unbreathing

wilting chains
hands of ink
cold stars aflame
a sigh

[Anonymous No.16774857]

>>16774278
There are books about poetic technique such as Paul Fussel’s Poetic Meter and Form or John Hollander’s Rhyme’s Reason, however, I think the rules of poetry unveil themselves upon scrupulous, varied reading. It’s good that you recognize these rules exist however, because that’s a step in learning to do them well. Poetry is largely the act of pushing creative boundaries while maintaining the immutable laws of the art. If I were to name some poets who essentially work as a guide on “what good poetry looks like / does” I would say W.B Yeats, William Blake, and Emily Dickinson. They teach the fundamentals, such as clarity, brevity, elasticity of language, and much more. I believe clarity to be the first step in becoming a good poet, as, without it most will not care to read what you say.

And thank you for reading my poem, I hate starting with “Then” too, but I needed it to have a proper chronology of events.

[Anonymous No.16774928]

No poem posted here has been good thus far. Better to forget these R.C. Walduns of poetry, who read much and write poorly, and go to some other forum, or read poems published in magazines/compilations

[Anonymous No.16774941]

Hear me, walls, listen to my words.
Stop just repeating them to me
Take them in and make them strong
Use my words, hold up the roof
Use my strength to stand tall
You and me wall, together
We keep this house

Our strength is a kingdom
My breath is a sign of God
Together we rule life into being
Against winds, storms, and enemies

Hear me, walls, listen to my words
Stand strong
My kingdom reigns, the winds do us no harm
Quick! Hold the door!
Don't let them in
The evil knocks but we have God on our side
Hear me, walls.

[Anonymous No.16775054]

>>16774928
Post your work so I can tell how valuable your opinion is lol

[Anonymous No.16775261]

>>16774941
it's interesting, but I can smell your weakness through these words. Is it on purpose?

[Anonymous No.16775377]

>>16775261
Yeah, meant to be weak. The speaker thinks he's helping the walls stay strong and keep the roof in place with whatever fancy words they throw at it but this is just a mental exercise. There is no kingdom. The wind and storms aren't in a battle. They just are. The enemies in their own eyes are good.
I was thinking of people that like to talk a lot and like to be decisive with their interpretation as a matter of fact.

[Anonymous No.16775427]

>>16772647
࿇ C O N D O R I T V S ࿇

[Anonymous No.16775544]

>>16772406
I held the neck of a creature with my very own hands

And squeezed as very hard as I can

The squeal of the negro, awakened the people

Yells from upstairs, made it feel illegal

But I knew my actions were fair, though lethal

So I was shot by the pigs, harming me and my ego

And as I layed in the street bloodied and feeble

I yelled, “how gleeful how gleeful, gone is the negro

beast!

hailed from a proud, proud people...

Martyr is not a title I am worthy of, neither is regal...

Awaken, awaken, the people we cull

Awaken, awaken, awaken the upheaval”

Time came and so did the negro

If a negro dies for freedom

And a white man be slain

as long as the king reigns, the state felt no pain

The state shall not spare, and what has happened, will happen once again