/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.16637888]

tell me a joke /lit/

[Anonymous No.16637892]

>>16637888
your post

[Anonymous No.16637900]

>>16637888
Alright, alright. This one came to me in a dream.

What did the bisexual anthropologist say to the girl at the bar?
Hey baby, I'm half homo and half erectus

[Anonymous No.16637906]

>>16637888
What did one fish in the tank say to the other?

[Anonymous No.16637911]

>>16637906
Do you like fishsticks?
Do you like putting them in your mouth?

[Anonymous No.16637920]

>>16637911
Nine eleven lol

[Anonymous No.16637942]

>>16637888
You're alive

[Anonymous No.16638002]

>>16637888

[Anonymous No.16638044]

What’s the difference between a nigger and drywall?
No one likes hanging drywall

[Anonymous No.16638089]

>>16637888
Ur 1RM

[Anonymous No.16638091]

What's yellow and black and makes you laugh ?
A bus full of niggers going over a cliff.

What do you call 100 niggers on the bottom of the sea?
A good start.

What do you call a nigger hitchhiker?
Stranded.

Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps?
Under his work boots.

How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
It is not there.

How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant?
When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

[Anonymous No.16638098]

A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."

[Anonymous No.16638108]

There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor. A white family lives on the top floor. A mexican family lives on the second floor. A nigger family lives on the botom floor. At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrrible tornado hits the building, totally destroying it. Which family lived?
The White family, because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.

[Anonymous No.16638119]

What's long and black?
The unemployment line

[Anonymous No.16638120]

Anon1: I have to buy a birthday present for my faggot brother and I have no idea what to get him

Anon 2: Well what does he do for a living?

Anon 1: He’s an ornithologist

Anon 2: Just buy him a cockatoo

*rimjob*

[Anonymous No.16638132]

>>16637888
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

[Anonymous No.16638147]

>>16638098
> as if she knows the last names of her baby daddies
Fake and gay. Many joggers don't even know their own names.

[Anonymous No.16638150]

/lit/ - random /pol/

[Anonymous No.16638216]

Two necrophiliacs meet in a bar.

"Hey man! Long time no see. What have you been up to?" asked the first with surprise, for it had been a while.

The second man took a gulp of his beer at muttered, "Met this girl-- at the train depot-- shacked up with her for a couple of weeks. But..." and he sighed. "Well-- the cunt split on me.

[Anonymous No.16638315]

>>16637888
One day, a man worked in his office, and after a while his coworker told him she was having a migraine and that she was going to walk back home. The man, worried about her trying to walk all the way to her house with a migraine, drove her to her home instead.

Later that night, the man went to his home and he and his wife decided to go to a fancy restaurant. After dressing up, they went into the car. As they settled down and buckled their seatbelts, the man noticed a solitary high heel shoe on the passenger side of the car, no doubt belonging to his coworker. Worried about what his wife would think if she saw it, he quickly grabbed the shoe and flung it out the window, without his wife noticing. They then drove off.

As they reached the restaurant, the wife began to squirm a bit. "What's wrong?" the man asked. His wife glanced at him sheepishly. "Have you seen my other shoe? I took them off a while ago, but I can't find one!"

[Anonymous No.16638334]

>>16637888
you're 1 rep max

[Anonymous No.16638345]

>>16637888
A hunter was walking to his destination and saw a sign. On this sign, it said "Deer Left". He went home

[Anonymous No.16638364]

I think my girlfriend is bisexual.

Yeah, she'll fuck anyone twice.

[Anonymous No.16638369]

>>16638108
Lol

[Anonymous No.16638375]

"Na also!" sprach Zahnartz Thustra, ....

[Anonymous No.16638408]

>>16638091
>>16638098
>>16638108
>>16638119

Terrible

[Anonymous No.16638868]

>NIIIGGGEEEER!

[Anonymous No.16639002]

>>16638150
that's /bant/.

[Anonymous No.16639180]

>>16637888
Who steals in a library?
A black intellectual

[Anonymous No.16639197]

>>16639180
this, children, is what we call an oxymoron

[Anonymous No.16639417]

“Laughter is the best medicine, my friend,” says the doctor. “Take yourself off to Covent Garden Theatre* where you will find The Great Grimaldi performing in Harlequin and Mother Goose; or the Golden Egg. It is exquisitely funny and will cure you of all your ills without any pills or potions from my cabinet.”

The man looks at the doctor for a moment. “Ah,” he says. “That won’t help.”

“Why not, sir?”

The man shrugs. “I killed Grimaldi. During the altercation he shot me in the shoulder and that's why I'm here. I'm pretty sure I need a doctor.”

[Anonymous No.16639422]

>>16637888
The year is 2045. The southern United States lives under BLACK RULE. All white males are sissified. White women live to serve BLACK KINGS in vast reproduction facilities. Welcome to America's BLACK FUTURE.

Alex Lang remembers life before the revolution – before the government-issued hormones, the sissy wigs, frilly lingerie, and mandatory chastity. He lives on the war-torn outskirts of New Africa, where he hides his beautiful blonde step-sister Kaylee from the clutches of the brutal New African army.

As musclebound black soldiers prowl the countryside searching for fertile white women, Alex will stop at nothing to protect sweet Kaylee's purity. In his pink-and-blue wig, flirty sissy skirt, and fishnet stockings, Alex gives his tender white body to a gang of pitiless black alpha soldiers: the ultimate act of courage and sacrifice. But is sissy Alex prepared for the overwhelming demonstration of power and domination? The encounter brings him face-to-face with his worst fears... and his most unspeakable sissy fantasies.

Acclaimed author and pro domme Whitney Ryan presents a tantalizingly political vision of the future. Her powerful, vivid, fly-on-the-wall passages of three-on-one interracial man-on-sissy action push the boundaries of sensual fiction. The BLACK KINGS have their way with Alex's sissy body, pumping and pounding and cursing through one of the hottest gang scenes in the history of the genre. And interspersed throughout the sizzling prose, a suspenseful narrative full of imaginative world-building unfolds.

Experience the true power of black bulls in black jackboots. Prepare to pay the ultimate reparations. Explore the mind-bending world of BLACK FUTURE, the first book in Whitney Ryan's brand new series.

[Anonymous No.16639645]

>>16637888
US politics

[Anonymous No.16639690]

I just wrote a Socratic dialogue as an answer to some guy in that gay sex thread and I don't want to waste it.
>>16639556
>SOCRATES: By Zeus, now that we have found that which penetrates the butthole of the man, is there anything left to cut in half, or have we successfully pointed out what we set out to find?
>ALCIBIADES: Not yet, o Socrates, for it doesn't seem right that pooping and getting it up the bum would be one and the same.
>SOCRATES: Excellent, my dear, and would we not speak the truth if we said that something can penetrate the butthole on the one hand from inside the the body and on the other from the outside?
>ALCIBIADES: It seems to be the case.
>SOCRATES: And of the things that penetrate from the outside, are we right to assume that they are either besouled or unbesouled?
>ALCIBIADES: Indeed.
>SOCRATES: And if the besouled penetrator was a male we would call it gey seggs, but if it was a woman, pegging?
>ALCIBIADES: By Zeus, I can't object to that.
>SOCRATES: So, by the dog, gey anal seggs turns out to be nothing but the besouled male penetration of the butthole from the outside, not from the inside of the body, and that we can say this pleasure is what leads to the loss of anal integrity, not the pooping on the toilet like the Sophist Callias would have us believe.
>ALCIBIADES: By Zeus Socrates, now that we have had this conversation, it seems clear to me.

[Anonymous No.16639693]

>>16639422
>Acclaimed author and pro domme Whitney Ryan
This is the pen name of some White dude named Chuck

[Anonymous No.16639735]

Outside of a dog, man's best friend is a book.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

[Anonymous No.16639757]

>>16637900
Your premise got my expectations quite high, and you delivered

[Anonymous No.16639774]

>>16639690
kek

[Anonymous No.16639791]

>>16637888
The chicken wanted to join the Jewish Mafia, so the chicken asked around to find Jewish mobsters.
The chicken found a low-level member, so it asked, "Can I join the Jewish Mafia?
The low-level member looked at the chicken and said "Go away, there's no Jewish Mafia!"
So the chicken searched and searched and found a capo and so it asked "Hello, I want to join the Jewish Mafia!" to which the Capo responded, "There is no Jewish Mafia!".
The chicken, without losing hope, wondered the country and found out about the Don of the Jewish Mafia so it asked the Don "Can I join the Jewish mafia?"
The Don shocked, responded "There's no Jewish mafia!"
Time passes and the Don intrigued about the chicken, started looking for it, eventually finding it drinking a pint in a bar.
"So, have you joined the Jewish Mafia?" the Don asked.
To which the chicken replied "There is no Jewish Mafia!"
And at that point, everyone knew that the chicken was part of the Jewish Mafia.

[Anonymous No.16640022]

I've got a distant Uncle in Texas. An oil man whose always had more money than sense. Worse yet is his obsession with size, whatever he owns it has to be the biggest there is. One day he takes it into his head to convert his swimming pool into an aquarium, the largest there is, and he sets to work. And then, in some kind of fit of madness, he chooses to fill it with only terrible, dangerous creatures. Pirhanas, eels, fish and amphibians of all stripes so long as they might kill a man.
And then, when it's all done, he invites the whole extended family to visit. As we're standing their, enjoying his hospitality and marveling over the monstrosity he's made, he makes us all an offer. "Kinsman, as you all can see I've gathered you to witness the deadliest swimming pool ever wrought. I don't believe any man can swim from end to the other, but if there is I'm offering, here and now, any of three rewards: a hundred million dollars, half of my oil fields, or the right to my daughter's hand in marriage."
No sooner does he finish than there's a splash at one end of the pool, and a young man can be seen floundering in the water. He quickly gets ahold of himself and begins swimming as hard as he can. Finally, he drags himself up out the other side, beaten, bruised, and bleeding from a score of wounds, and my uncle goes to congratulate him.
"Son, I have to say I'm impressed. I genuinely did not believe it could be done. So what prize did you have in mind? The hundred million?"
"Thank you sir, but no."
"Half my fields?"
"No sir, not that either"
"Aha, it's my daughter you're looking for, you scoundrel"
"Uh, no sir, definitely not that"
"Huh, well I'm stumped son, that's all I offered. But I tell you what, I really am taken with your courage, name anything you want in the world, and if it's in my power I'll grant it."
"Sir, the only thing in the world I want is the name of the son of a bitch who pushed me in back there."

[Anonymous No.16640040]

>>16637888
A vegan, a feminist and an atheist went to bar

How do i know? They told everyone in the first 5 seconds they were in

[Anonymous No.16640086]

>>16637888
communism

[Anonymous No.16640131]

>>16637888
my diary, desu?

[Anonymous No.16640141]

>>16639791
I laughed

[Anonymous No.16640149]

>>16637888
>My joke got no (You)'s
:(
How to be funny in text?

[Anonymous No.16640158]

pee pee poo poo

[Anonymous No.16640162]

there once was a man from Nantucket
whose cock was so long he could suck it
he said with a grin
wiping sperm from his chin
if my ear were a cunt I would fuck it

[Anonymous No.16641422]

https://vocaroo.com/14VCW9GPdAgi

[Anonymous No.16641426]

>>16641422
cringe

[Anonymous No.16641439]

>>16637888
>I turned myself into a cockroach Morty!

[Anonymous No.16641559]

>>16640040
It's even funnier if you're using the singular they.

[Anonymous No.16641571]

what if pynchon was gay and chinese

[Anonymous No.16641994]

>>16638091
/pol/

[Anonymous No.16642536]

>>16637888
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Duuuung

[Anonymous No.16642547]

>>16642536
keked

[Anonymous No.16642593]

A dog walks into a bar. The dog says, "I'd like to order a glass of wine." The bartender responds, "Holy shit, a talking dog!"

[࿇ C Œ M G E N V S ࿇ !KNDYYIIins No.16642609]

WHY IS THE SOUTHEASTERN AREA OF TEXAS SO PRONE TO FLOODING?

YOU MAY THINK THAT IT IS DUE TO ITS GEOCLIMATIC LOCATION, BUT, ACTUALLY, IT IS BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS, AND THAT ENTIRE AREA IS ONE ENORMOUS BEACH.

[Anonymous No.16642666]

>>16637888
here is a funny thing.
i have been warned two times in the last week because i dared to write 1) PoC in its more appropriate ethnic terminology, 2) pic related.
and in both ban images there were blackfaces.

[Anonymous No.16642670]

>>16642666
* "that man" was nassim taleb btw, the arab wewuzzer

[Anonymous No.16642685]

Why can't Miss Piggy count to one-hundred?
Every time she gets to 69, she gets a frog stuck in her throat.

[Anonymous No.16642944]

>>16642609
>autist humor

[Anonymous No.16642957]

>>16642666

it's a sad day when you're afraid of getting censored on fucking 4chan. the internet age is dead

[Anonymous No.16642973]

>>16642957
truely a sad day.

[Anonymous No.16642977]

I for one like Roman numerals.

[Anonymous No.16642980]

>>16637888
your mums so fat, i took a picture of her last christmas and it's sitll printing

[Anonymous No.16642983]

>>16642944
allcaps trips are prob the worst of all

[Anonymous No.16642996]

What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash?

[Anonymous No.16643016]

>>16642666
Dumb fucking /pol/tards always want to conjure up the image of persecution, as if the only possible reason your completely off-topic racial shitflinging could warrant a slap on the wrist. You retards are as bad as the deepest, darkest jungle buck nigger from your deepest nightmares. Always need to see everything from only to extremely narrow, completely arbitrary viewpoint you've less developed than fucking osmosed from an """"ideology"""" started as a literal troll (the old school trolling, not the way you dipshit, johnny-come-lately zoomer newfags have redefined it). The greatest irony is that in making fun of the dumbest stormfag retards, we unwittingly created a fertile environment for retards to come in and latch on. I have seen generation upon generation upon generation of this dynamic play out over time. You have something novel with a usually/mostly ironic quality to it. Then you layer on generation over generation of shitbrain newfags who over time mistake it for genuine. The end effect is that any sufficiently popular mimetic object will INEVITABLY enter the common lexicon stripped of its ironic context. This is /pol/ in a nutshell -- its literal essence, stripped of all the political fuck fuck games that bore the shit out of anyone with enough IQ to see them for what they are. I hate /pol/tards, and you mouth breathers can never understand that it's not because of your political ideology. I don't hate anyone for their politics, it's just politics. What I hate are ideologues and zealots, and I regret every time I see some sad zoomer doped up to the gills on the ideology I helped create, because when it comes down to it, I helped create you -- your entire worldview had its genesis in a bunch of ironic shitposting we did for shits and giggles because it was fun to see who could emulate the retarded stormfags accurately enough. I'm sincerely sorry for what I did to you.

[Anonymous No.16643408]

>>16637900
You need better dreams

[Anonymous No.16643429]

>>16639690
Lol

[Anonymous No.16643447]

>>16642609

[Anonymous No.16643454]

>>16643016
Does it matter?

[Anonymous No.16643463]

>>16643454
No

[Anonymous No.16643499]

>>16643463
So then relax and refine your trolling arts