Poetry Thread: Either Post Yours Or Others

[Anonymous No.16602547]

Post your poems! Get Criticism or Get Judged on Who You Post!
Image related is mine!

[Anonymous No.16602555]

My soles
Assault
The ground
Violently
Step
STEP
Bang
BANG
Each stomp
Propelling me
Forward
To another
Attack
I use my heels
As brass knuckles
Beating up
the cheeks
Of the asphalt.
There are cracks
ahead
There is someone
Stronger
I
must
Walk
Harder.

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.16602566]

Holy Spirit of Oblivion

what did I have to do, I now forget
I am a moon of cold delirium
my eyes are heavy and my head is light
am I dreaming or is this fantasy? 
my eyes lose their luster but not my eye
i imagine things and then forget them
everything is fading but becomes clear
health or leprosy, am I Miriam?
as quick as they appear they take their flight
i see gold-glass cities in majesty
across an azure-amber field I fly
human-faced plants become a melting Gem
I blink and return, i sweat and feel drear
now I am a sun of melancholy
ash-apples from sodom covered with blight
fantasy and dream both fade, I feel drear
am I Haman or am I mordecai?
Gems become my tired eyes then a stem
awake I feel dead, without majesty
return to there land, but it is folly
apples turn to ash when I take a bite
I long for the land where the sky’s are clear
Wines of memory I did glorify
tried to get up but I coughed up some phlegm from my dead dreams something breached the limit
“come with me beyond wake, sleeping and dream”
I lay my head down and become the night
I met the very dreams of my spirit
I grasped the light of the divine morning
I remembered I am the holy star

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.16602574]

The biggest critique I would say OP is I don’t see a singular voice, there’s too much movement between images and I don’t believe you’re actually attempting to do such right? for me personally it didn’t rhyme aesthetically and I would recommend reading your own poetry slowly going through what mental impressions it gives you and what words evoke what for you.

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.16602578]

Figments of alien light


who are you? what is your name?
no I am not this, yet I am
a speech leaves me understanding less
nothing changes but everything changes
how are you sempiternal and yet transient?

and how do you know my name?
it’s disgusting, I don’t want it
i can’t read it, the letters obscure
the taste is blander than flavorless yet
it reminds me of that part of you unknown

you look different yet same
like the H hidden in Abram
I can’t imagine it, it escapes
it is the greatest taste, from it I wept
when did the bland become full? terror, beauty ?

I ask from whence have you came
because of this my life is split
its form wasn’t twisting, I can’t guess
If I must name it, I shall call it Vast
a mountain of lightning encircled with gems

in my mind your face like flame
I am no wolf I am a lamb!
yet the unknown land has a allure
its absence is felt throughout the ages
a fire of void, it is unchanging but

flickers and is not the same
I am a beast covered in shit
yellowish blues mixed with unformed shapes
men see it in dream, a dream they forget
the dream of the hidden one, who is glory

would it be some kind of shame
yet i know who I truly am
some hiding demon or just a dress?
in the hidden chamber of breath, I stepped
then i saw you filled with eyes, would I have eyes

if I were to ask your name?
I am the dweller in the pit
even of its name I am unsure
I found the place without future or past
for I saw an image from eternity

a picture not in its frame
yet it is only I who damn
like thinking through screams of howling apes
I saw many creatures in their stages
he sought to end the cycle with his rain-bow

an arrow shot without aim
yet I was always Abraham
yet with understanding you shall bless
like a circle moving, its center set
but I am neither circumference nor center

you are foreign and the same
I am both, I now embrace it
filth cleansed by light, my mind shall be pure
unmoving and invisible light swept
the unknown father’s presence in me then asked

will I ever ask your name?
yes, yes I am this, yes I am
my mind is changed, my soul he reshapes
through them all from the center, Light so Vast
I am both and neither and beyond am I

[Anonymous No.16602579]

>>16602547
I liked it OP. very nice textured language carries your verse along beautifully. if not a bit ethereal. I thought the religious aspect /death scene? was a bit heavy-handed in the last 4 stanzas.

[Anonymous No.16602610]

in the decay of an unblinking eye
marching slender upon the appetite-less mountain
one by one the flowers turned themselves off
who placed weight on top of weight and called it one weight
with love as our highest weapon
free from artifice.

and then i realised
just how much the lamb looked like the serpent
as the serpent choked the apple down and suffocated.

[Anonymous No.16602667]

>>16602579
Thank you for your constructive criticism!! I'll keep that in mind.
>>16602574
Noted, though I do feel the thematic or purpose of the poem may have been divergent to what you may have wanted from this poem. I'll keep your criticism when I do an edit!