/wg/ writing general

[Anonymous No.16570396]

critfags keep your shitty poetry in your own threads edition

Last thread (over 300 posts):
>>16557242

Suggested books on story telling:
>The Weekend Novelist
>Aristotle's Poetics
>Hero With a Thousand Faces
>Save the Cat
>Romance the Beat

Suggested books on getting your fucking work done you lazy piece of shit:
>Deep Work
>Atomic Habits
> Other Resources
> General grammar/syntax/editing help
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/purdue_owl.html
> When/where/how should I write?
https://jamesclear.com/daily-routines-writers
> What software should I write with?
https://self-publishingschool.com/book-writing-software-best/
> Amazon Publishing to make that KDP monie
https://kdp.amazon.com/en_US/help/topic/G200635650
> Be like Charles Dickens and write serially
https://www.royalroad.com/

[Anonymous No.16570408]

>>16570396
Background on the OP pic:
>Young Selk'nam were taught to fear the Hain spirits from birth. Once a boy became old enough he would be lead to a men-only hut for the initiation ceremony, there he would have to fight all the spirits. In the end, he would unmask the spirits revealing they were men all along and finally be told the truth of the world. This truth was the fact that the world was once ruled by women, who would disguise themselves as the spirits. In their disguises, they would torment the men and force them to bring them food and gifts. Eventually the men found out about this and, led by a man named Kren, they chased all the women away where they turned into animals. Kren chased his wife, Kre', into the sky where they became the Sun and Moon (The dark marks you see on the Moon are from the beating Kren gave her). The only women left on were the young girls who didn't know about the plan and disguises. From there on, the men took on the role of spirits and only revealing the truth to boys at the initiation ceremony. This was supposedly the Selk'nam's most guarded secret since the women were never supposed to find out that they were once the rulers

[Anonymous No.16570453]

>>16570396
Context: getting revenge for birds shitting on my car. I'm not a writer tho.

I heard not a bird song for over a year. And all the creatures which flew and that crawled about the land did so in hushed scamperings. An ominous rage poisoned their homes and filled their hearts with fear. For they knew to be seen by the black lanterns of hatred which watched over the woods meant death. And still, death came upon them, the quiet animals alike. Repudiated was their piety in this plague known as Vengeance and by my having placed this curse, I became their God. So commenced the abortion of life by the killing of the animals...

[Anonymous No.16570475]

>>16570408
I wish you picked a kawaii picture

[Anonymous No.16570568]

Crew member Derrel Olgaren relaxed underneath the awning and sipped his coffee, which didn’t have any sugar or cream. It was raining harder and the seas were rougher than usual. In his peripheral vision, he saw a dark movement. A strange man by the deck cabin was also sheltering from the rainstorm. That man wasn’t an employee of the ship.

The sailor poured out his coffee and raised his coffee cup as a makeshift weapon. The man opened the deck cabin door and walked in. Derrel followed as quietly as he could, but when he entered the cabin, the room was empty.

“Someone dangerous is on this ship,” thought Derrel. “And we don’t know where he is or how he’s getting around!”

A few hours later, Captain Gravely and the crew conducted a thorough search of the entire ship, from stern to stern. Each crew member carried a lantern and searched every odd corner that a man could hide. They moved and looked behind all the large boxes. Most of the crew members were relieved to find nothing.

“I suppose that I must’ve imagined the whole thing,” said Derrel.

The Romanian Black first mate, Mucheru Vacarescu scowled. He thought Derrel was foolish and superstitious.

[Anonymous No.16570588]

>>16570568
Notice that Derrel is drinking black coffee, but I described it without using the word black

[Anonymous No.16570589]

>>16570408
>men reveal that women used to be bad and dressed up as evil spirits by dressing up as evil spirits and fighting boys
We're Selk'nam retarded?

[C No.16570617]

I just finished up the thirteenth draft of my novel. Make no mistake, I'm damn proud of myself. The people I have let read it gave me amazing notes to fix it up and were adamant about how good it is.

But you know how that self-doubt happens. I read it over and over to myself. It reads fine, better than fine, I could see it being published. But that doesn't mean it's good.

And another thing: I'm concerned it's too short. It's only 180 pages. I know publishers like debuts to be 200, but my God, I don't want to shoehorn in twenty pages of crap just to make word count.

Lord. I wish there was some objective way I could know if the novel is good. Some magic machine that I plug into my computer that says "Yup, this is damn good stuff," or "Boy, you should never write again."

Anyway, those are the things I'm thinking about right now.

[Anonymous No.16570629]

>>16570589
if there's one thing I took away from live action Mulan, it's that there's no way that women could pass for men

[Anonymous No.16570681]

>>16570617
>180 pages
so that's like, 110 - 120k words. that's fine.
>no its double spaced
so that's like 55-60k words. young adult maybe?
If you need more verbiage come up with a little side plot that helps flesh out the characters

[C No.16570705]

>>16570681
A side plot is a bit difficult as the first part is 1st person in the style of a manifesto and the second part is 3rd person limited about the fallout of the manifesto.

I'm sure your probably right that there's something I could fit into the second part to expand it a little. So, I thank you for that.

[Anonymous No.16570734]

>>16570617
>Lord. I wish there was some objective way I could know if the novel is good. Some magic machine that I plug into my computer that says "Yup, this is damn good stuff," or "Boy, you should never write again."
I don't get this. When I write shit. Its pretty obvious its shit and needs to be cleaned up. When I write good stuff, its also obvious. You have beta readers who seem to like it. Get over yourself, send it in faggot.

[Anonymous No.16570927]

>>16570396
boipucci or benis that is the question!
Maybe if the dildos of life wouldn't sting so hard
And maybe if the lube of Gods would lubricate better
I would also have had a bigger penis if maybe my father had better genes
Alas, my hatred for niggers stems from the shithole of Africa
And their intellects are as high as the current sum in my bank account
I hate my life and I hate all the /lit/ posters
For if they were greater faggots they'd be posting twice as much on Reddit
Fuck chinks

My inspiration is Kafka.

[Anonymous No.16570933]

What would make 2021 your perfect year writing wise?

[Anonymous No.16570972]

>>16570933
An Adderall prescription and someone else's basement

[Anonymous No.16571063]

>>16570453
write about everyone getting an outdoor cat. Cats kill billions of birds every year

[Anonymous No.16571115]

>>16570933
A cabin in a quaint, scenic, rural part of the country. Unlimited finances.

[Anonymous No.16571143]

think there's a market for this? Escapist fantasy for married men who want to have affairs but still keep the convenience of marriage intact

[Anonymous No.16571173]

>tfw dragging my feet on finding a job so I can write my book
Funny how the way of the world can make such noble aims seem indulgent and misguided.

[Anonymous No.16571234]

>>16570933
Leaving this hell hole and never seeing my family again.

I'm going to write all day, everyday.

[Anonymous No.16571266]

>>16571234
you can talk the talk but lets see if you'll walk the walk

[Anonymous No.16571275]

>>16571234
You need to live to write well. You can't just write

[Anonymous No.16571279]

Why do all of my CW professor's have books published by the same niche publishing house with every review being 5/5's given by peer professor's? What the fuck is going on here?

[Anonymous No.16571350]

>>16571279
anyone can make a publishing house. On Barnes and Noble, you can literally type in any name you want box called Publishing House. I think Amazon requires you to fill in a form. But your publishing house can still use their print on demand services

[Anonymous No.16571386]

>>16571279
>>16571350
like this. and even if you don't want to use Barnes and Noble or Amazon's printing services, there are lots of printing presses you can use

[Anonymous No.16571404]

>>16571350
>>16571386
Interesting, so it's just the English department jerking each-other off?

[Anonymous No.16571416]

>>16571404
sounds like literary criticism in a nutshell

[Anonymous No.16571556]

>>16571404
there's nothing particularly special about a "real" publishing house. In the olden days, before print on demand, people who wanted to set up a publishing house would

> buy their own printing press, or contract with a company that has a printing press, print runs for x time or y amount of books, either one would be $15,000
> a bunch of potential authors that would be willing to be published under the publishing house's name, or you would have to have 10 novels ready to go
> buy ISBNs from Bowker in bulk, I think it was a bundle of 200 for $5 each?
> submit books to printing press
> somehow get bookshops to sell the books
> ????
> profit

a smaller version of this is how the Lit Quarterly fag does his magazine. I think he contracts to an Australian printer

[Anonymous No.16571566]

>>16570588
I see it... is there a logic behind the extra verbosity?

[Anonymous No.16571576]

>>16570972
Seconded. I have the basement, need the script.

[Anonymous No.16571590]

>>16571143

Mean read erotica too. Gotta convince people that it's really not just escapism though.

[Anonymous No.16571621]

>>16570681
>so that's like, 110 - 120k words. that's fine.
How is 180 pages 110k words if you've formatted your manuscript right? Mine is 325 at 89k.

[Anonymous No.16571635]

>>16571556
Printing is interesting. I wouldnt mind being a printer. Self publish as a bonus too.

[Anonymous No.16571654]

>>16571590
Does the genre have a particular name? What keywords should I type into literotica? I'm looking for a genre that specially looks for maintaining both the marriage and the mistress

[Anonymous No.16571685]

>>16571590
>Men read erotica too
You're not wrong. But you'd be better off packaging it as either a spy thriller or fantasy something-or-other with like 95k words of plot and 5k words of erotica. If you hit the sweet spot in the genre men and women will read it.

[Anonymous No.16571717]

>>16571685
I'll probably write a lot of scenes where the guy is very smart and the girl fawns over the man for being so wise, and the man is also as attractive as a young man. I can add a subplot where a young man is the love rival and loses out. I don't know why this isn't more popular. It sounds like one of those things that would be easily mass produced and sell better than Da Vinci Code

[Anonymous No.16571732]

>>16570681

I took a quick look at some random books on my shelf and it looks like most of them have 300-350 words per page. If it's properly formated it should be ~55-65k words

[Anonymous No.16571849]

>>16571717

How much does the target audience read though? Not sure the 40-50 something average Joe trapped in a marriage he hates and would like the story reads enough to generate a lot of demand.

[Anonymous No.16571905]

>>16571654
You might not know this, but a bunch of Las Vegas is owned by the mormons. Tea-tolling, religious mormons. My recommendation,
1. make a casino heist novel in vegas with an ostensibly mormon protag with like 2 wives already, who falls for a dealer at the casino
2. make a novel a series of shorts about a vegas brothel, and one of the sub plots is the mormon who wants his daughters, hell twin daughters, to work at the brothel so they learn how to make their future husbands happy
These plots are ridiculous, that's why they can work.

[Anonymous No.16571927]

>>16571582
As a functioning zoomer, what magazines are there? Like, honestly, I wouldn't even know where to start looking.

[Anonymous No.16571973]

>>16571927

Someone posted this tiered list here at some point.

https://www.docdroid.net/u3GkROV/literary-magazine-tiers-pdf

[Anonymous No.16572021]

>>16571973
Thanks, Anon. This gives me a starting place, at least.

[Anonymous No.16572126]

How do you handle quick surprising events happening? Like say your POV character is standing in line and the head of the guy in front of him gets a bullet through it. How do you avoid awkward prose like
>as I stood in line, a sudden spray of blood erupted from the head in front of me

[Anonymous No.16572171]

>>16572126
I’d think it’s about slow dull things going on with a shocking event just occurring.

>I stood in line, looking at the magazines and bubblegum for sale, feeling the weight of my basket dulling the senses in my arm. I yawned and a little blood splattered into my mouth. The man in front of me in line had a giant hole in his head and I was now covered in crimson. Shock overcame me and all I could think was that this wasn’t going to come out with bleach.

[Anonymous No.16572181]

I want to get start seriously writing. I have been writing in my journal somewhat regularly but I want to up the ante. I'm thinking of starting a blog and making essays and articles in which I make dialectical arguments for things I'm interested in arguing about (to be determined). Only thing is, how do I get constructive criticism for my writing so I can improve? Thanks.

[Anonymous No.16572182]

/wg/, I'm thinking of injecting a dnd character I wanted to play into my novel, but it would require me to go back and reconsider a major part of one character's backstory in a way that could fundamentally alter the course of my story

[Anonymous No.16572222]

>>16572171
>An announcement came crackling over the PA system. Cleanup on aisle 5, cleanup on aisle 5. The Weekly World News magazine I'd been glancing at was now a soggy, dripping mess of red. Huh. The batboy escaped and was on the loose. Had science finally gone too far?

[Anonymous No.16572223]

Does anyone else want to write """""serious""""" stuff and try and do something "great," but worry the paranormal/fantasy/sci-fi shit you also wanna do will lessen your serious stuff in the eyes of the broader public?

[Anonymous No.16572247]

>>16571927
A girl that I had a crush on in high school started an online magazine called Her Campus. I don't know if it's any good though

https://www.hercampus.com/

[Anonymous No.16572265]

How do you make a girl fall in love with a guy she previously hated, in a short span of time, with it being believable?

[Anonymous No.16572266]

>>16572247
I guess you never made a move, huh?

[Anonymous No.16572277]

>>16572265
Make him rich

The more constructive answer lies in why she hated him in the first place.

Remember, Gossip Girl(the show at least, idk about the books) had a chick lose her virginity to the same guy that tried to date rape her in the first episode, and it was believable.

[Anonymous No.16572287]

>>16572265
Can't beat the cock

[Anonymous No.16572316]

>>16571143
Yes, but it already exists and it's call porn

For women it would work in book form though

[Anonymous No.16572356]

>>16572181
Then start writing. Crit comes later. Write something now.
>>16572182
That sounds fun. I don't think it's too much trouble when you already have a character mostly developed.
>>16572222
>quads
Nice.
>>16572223
Sure, but the serous stuff I write is funny too. People can distinguish between the sincere and ironic.
>>16572247
>forever alone anons oneitis is doing more than anyone in /wg/
wow.
>>16572265
From personal experience, many women don't like me when they first meet me because I don't give them the attention they want and I talk over their heads. But once they get to know my kinder and funnier side, they channel that anger into wanting to fuck me or to make sure that no one else fucks me. It's weird. I don't understand women.

[Anonymous No.16572370]

>>16572266
She was so beautiful. The one time I tried to have a conversation with her, she thought I was a weirdo

[Anonymous No.16572392]

>>16572370
>she thought I was a weirdo
You can easily work this too your advantage. Don't beat yourself up about it too hard, Anon. You'll find someone better.

[Anonymous No.16572409]

>>16572370
None of those co founders looks hot at all, maybe Annie Wong if you have yellow fever. Not hot enough to be obsessed over though

[Anonymous No.16572691]

>>16572356
In hindsight, I liked her for what she represented: a Stacy who was hot, top at academics, top at sports, but also kind and loved by everyone

>>16572409
I looked up Annie and I'm so confused. She looks like generic skinnyfat Asian girl #2198187439. Was she hot at age 18 but not at age 31? Am I remembering the past through rose tinted glasses? She used to be on the varsity swim team in high school, so she definitely was more fit back then.

What the fucking hell. If I saw this woman at work, I wouldn't give her a second look
> video from 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isd184O4SA4

I don't understand. She looks like a normal middle aged Asian woman. WHAT IS HAPPENING
> article from 2019
https://www.shiffonco.com/blogs/the-shift/hercampus-cofounder-annie-wang-on-starting-a-global-media-company

pic: from 2014, this is somewhat close to how I remember she looks like

but no, even in 2011, this was her at age 22. Why doesn't this match up with my memories
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm6jXcE2kfM

WHAT IS GOING ON??? SHE'S AVERAGE TO BELOW AVERAGE LOOKING, AND THIS VIDEO IS HER AGE 23
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EdadVg8Mow

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnC2nYTB2nY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQBTVxKJ8Ko

What is going on??????? This isn't like my anime memories

[Anonymous No.16572759]

>>16572691
This is a terrible feeling. My oneitis finally sees the cold light of day

[Anonymous No.16572936]

>>16572691
>>16572759
get help

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.16573098]

This is more a question for the general thread, how much would you say your favorite authors influence you and what do you think is your own personal independent trait/specific aesthetic/texture that makes your work standout? What’s the thing that you take from others and what’s the core part from you?

[Anonymous No.16573107]

How do you make mythological allusions without coming off as pretentious?

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.16573124]

>>16573107

Subtly, I personally like coming off pretentious and will just name drop but a lot of people don’t like that so you gotta be clever and subtle.

Example, you could have a character who’s been acting like a jackass eat something with a rose sent and have his eyes open to how he was acting like a fool from this woman, and boom ya got a reference to the whole golden ass myth, The key is it has to seem relevant and within the context of the story but give it that epic texture which you’re obviously going for with the allusion, direct references and names aren’t epic unless specifically designed to be such (Dunsany is a great example of this)

[Anonymous No.16573147]

>>16573098
>still pretty new
I wish I knew

[Anonymous No.16573183]

She really wants to read it :)

[Anonymous No.16573201]

>>16572265
Make her proud and the man savy. There are perfect examples of this in "Love in the time of Cholera".

[Anonymous No.16573243]

>>16572223
Guess Hellenistic literature can't be considered serious because it has fantasy.
In all seriousness genre elements don't prohibit stories from being serious. Vonnegut and Murakami have written both respected literature and sci-fi. As long as your story is deeper than the world building and action you'll be considered a good writer.

[Anonymous No.16573289]

>>16570396
Hey, I am some nigger trying to make short horror stories, how can I establish tension and terror? I have good enough prose and a bad work ethic but I hope I manage to finish it and it comes out ok.

[Anonymous No.16573290]

>>16572265
Give a history of statutory rape.

[Anonymous No.16573350]

>>16573289
>establish tension and terror
Put your characters in a dangerous predicament. A good example of this is The Ledge by Stephen King.

[Anonymous No.16573371]

>>16572265
why'd she hate him?
>because she caught him finger banging his dogs arse
then remove the because
>but it turned out he was just giving it suppository medication

[Anonymous No.16573439]

>>16573350
I would also like to give it a proper build-up, though thank you for the advice, I will try to better it this way.

[Anonymous No.16573472]

>>16571566
I'm trying to be more subtle about the black stuff, writing the characters as black without saying the adjective black as often

[Anonymous No.16573585]

If you complete nanowrimo, you can get coupons for writing software

https://nanowrimo.org/offers

[Anonymous No.16573596]

>>16573585
But anon, I already have scrivener and word

[Anonymous No.16573611]

>>16573596
I've been thinking about purchasing Scrivener. I might use the trial version for nanowrimo and see how I like it

[Anonymous No.16573612]

>>16573289
Practice gross outs.
Then practice building up to the gross outs.
Then practice the same thing without gross outs.

[Anonymous No.16573625]

>>16573612
Ah thanks

[Anonymous No.16573660]

>>16570453
hi paul

[Anonymous No.16574195]

If you want feedback on your writing and don't mind me reading it on a stream when I critique it, feel free to link it here. No 1-2 paragraph no effort stuff though.

[Anonymous No.16574210]

>order a copy of well-known literary magazine
>most of the poetry is oddly-indented fluff about relationships
>most of the short stories are narcissistic blog posts about the author's life
>at least one of the translations is poorly done

Why should the reader be expected to find trivial incidents in your life interesting

There seems to be a trend of my diary desu writing instead of anything imaginative. We've entered a weird era of ultra-realism that's incredibly dull

[Anonymous No.16574224]

>>16573472
Say nigger instead, it will get your writing out there much more effectively

>Crew member Derrel Olgaren relaxed underneath the awning and sipped his nigger coffee

Unironically flows better than what you have there

[Anonymous No.16574344]

>>16572182
Don't explain it and accuse the reader of being a midwit in a footnote

[Anonymous No.16574665]

>>16574195
Steam this! *unzips pants*

[Anonymous No.16574680]

>>16573585
>20~50% off
That's more like a fucking spam mail promotion than a reward. Fuck, give it free or something.

[Anonymous No.16575244]

>>16573612
Not the quoted but thank you, I'm in a similar situation.

[Frater Asemlen !XS8vrClKs2 No.16575262]

>>16574210

People are too scared of trying to be epic, romantic, fantastical or surreal or religious due to a mixture of fear of coming off pretentious but also fear of coming off as an idiot or old fashioned and not hip, also the average person doesn’t much want poetry on say the love of god or the taste of yellow or the odd dream you had one night or a stray fantasy, they want cursing and relationship problems and politics.

Eh i only write for myself personally and only ask for critique in order to refine it on a technical level just for my own sake. Trying to write in order to sell to people’s interests sounds absolutely boring.

[Anonymous No.16575265]

>>16574665
You want your dick to be steamed?

[Anonymous No.16575345]

>>16573183
pour some out for the homie

[Anonymous No.16575350]

>>16573350
>The Ledge by Stephen King
That mother fucker. Had this one scene I wrote and called it "The Ledge" and now I'm gonna have to change it if I ever do more with it. ffs

[Anonymous No.16575354]

>>16573585
nanowrimo needs to die. Fuck this gay shit.

[Anonymous No.16576054]

>>16574195
>livestreaming /crit/s
Strangely autistic. Where are you doing this

[Anonymous No.16576067]

>>16576054
I've heard that writers will livestream themselves on Twitch. They write and talk to their chat occasionally. I bet they also say "thanks for the token!" or whatever it is whenever someone donates money to them

[Anonymous No.16576778]

>>16574224
Come on, at the very least, I have to look like I'm making an effort to be non-racist.

[Anonymous No.16576789]

Do I need to pay an artist to make an anime cover of slutty fast food workers for burgerpunk to trick man children into reading it?

[Anonymous No.16576934]

>>16576789
Honestly, not a bad idea at all. Any cover is better than no cover, and on RR cute anime girl fast food workers would be better than 90% of anything else you might be able to put.
Alternatively get a leddit sock and just shill it everywhere.

[Anonymous No.16577105]

>>16575265
It's an Albany expression.

[Anonymous No.16577141]

Does anyone else find themselves trying to eliminate "said" from their stuff? Using contextual clues and just posting any follow up detail

Examples:
>[set up] before, "dialog here"
>"Dialog," tears streaming down her cheek

[Anonymous No.16577171]

>>16577141
Well yes, that's the ideal. It's best to make their tone of speech implicit from the dialogue or prose surrounding it, but don't get carried away and any time you can get away with nothing but a line of dialogue with no justification before or after it you should do it. Also you'll know your writing is good when people know which character is speaking entirely from their dialogue, but you'll still want to give clues for the less attentive readers.

[Anonymous No.16577298]

>>16577141
depends on the style you're going for. right now in my 1st person narrative, the mc doesn't have any said dialogue tags at all. when he says something its just "words words words", but everyone else gets dialogue tags, so said is critical for them. I've also tried to never use the word "I" unless its in dialogue. "me" or "my" or "mine" is fine, but not "I". just a stylistic choice
by default though, said is fairly invisible to readers

[Anonymous No.16577387]

I use too many fucking commas. Mostly it's a rhythm thing, but when I look at it, I know there's too many.

[Anonymous No.16577403]

Going to shill and go on to Royal Road. To all the people doing it, should I pay for a cover from Fivver or is it not that important. Thank you.

[Anonymous No.16577407]

>>16577387
Just reread it out loud. If it sounds stilted, remove some. If it doesn't just call it your style and stop worrying about it.

[Anonymous No.16577462]

>>16577403
Good covers are invaluable. Despite the aphorism, people will always judge books by their covers, however, black text with an emboss on a colored, textured background is better than pretty much anything non-professionals could make, so you need to ask yourself if the 100$ for professional looking cover art is worth it.

[Anonymous No.16577510]

Need some motivation, bros.

[Anonymous No.16577647]

>>16577407
>just call it your style and stop worrying about it
fair. Thanks

[Anonymous No.16577657]

>>16577510
Write book about mahjong. Pls.

[Anonymous No.16577658]

>>16577510
Motivation is for faggots. If you wanna do something, do it.

If your problem is lack of ideas, then that's something different.

[Anonymous No.16577663]

>>16577387
people will think you're German who is writing English ESL

[Anonymous No.16577783]

>>16577387
I do the same thing and I'm not even ESL.

[Anonymous No.16577923]

I want to write a novel that will go into some dark places, mostly in regards to sexual trauma (but without rape being involved), repression and violence in general. I'm afraid of coming across as too juvenile. On a conceptual level, are there any tips you could give me so that I avoid looking like an edgy try-hard? I want the unpleasantness to build up to stronger themes.

[Anonymous No.16578041]

This guy is named Jason Pargin but writes under the pen name David Wong

[Anonymous No.16578079]

>>16578041
Hey /lit/, what's a pen name you'd be willing to use? No fucking around, one you'd actually utilize.

[Anonymous No.16578185]

>>16578079
I usually google combinations of normal people names until I find one that hasn't been taken. Those lists of baby names are a good place for inspiration

[Anonymous No.16578204]

>>16570396
Can someone help me improve the ending? I feel like it is very shallow and abrupt. Maybe I rushed too much to finish it.
https://textuploader
.com/1px7j

[Anonymous No.16578363]

>>16577658
My problem is self doubt.

[Anonymous No.16578370]

>>16578079
This is the book cover I made with Amazon's Cover Creator with my proposed pen name

[Anonymous No.16578430]

Is romanticizing alcoholism a bad thing, in most cultures it is viewed unfavorably, will I turn the audience off if I lean into the grandeur of losing oneself to alcohol?

[Anonymous No.16578540]

>>16578430
Only if you don't later show the horrible effects it has. People abuse drugs and alcohol for a reason, unfortunately they never tend to lead anywhere good.

[Anonymous No.16578565]

>>16577923
If you don't have the experience, anything you do will come off as juvenile. Try not to think of things through the lens of good versus bad. Using rape as an example, try to understand things from the rapist's point of view. Understand what would drive him to do that, make his reasons for doing what he did, if not relatable, understandable. He would feel overpowering lust, perhaps anger, or insecurity, feeling out of place in the world and commits rape as an attempt to regain the feeling of control he's lost. Perhaps he would hate the woman for dressing so provocatively and driving him to unleash an ugly side of himself he can't control. If you start from the point of view of "Villain vs Victim" you've already lost. As for the victim, you really need to experience it yourself to write it effectively, but the best you can do is research abuse victims and make note of their dysfunctional behavior and coping mechanisms.

This is assuming you're actually trying to write something serious, not genre fiction bullshit.

[Anonymous No.16578600]

>>16578079
>tfw there's already a semi-notable/not really known writer from 200 years ago with my name
I'm hoping just adding my middle name will be enough. At least that'll be better than Tom Wolfe and Thomas Wolfe, ffs.

[Anonymous No.16578605]

>>16578363
Stop writing for other people, and start writing for yourself. Write with the mentality that no one else is going to read what you write. Thinking about what other people will think comes after the first couple rounds of edits.

[Anonymous No.16578622]

>tfw finally write a short story idea I've had for a few years
>mfw I know people are going to assume it's just a revenge fantasy by some teenaged girl
>tfw 25 year old male
Should I be worried about myself, bros?

[Anonymous No.16578955]

>>16578622
Tell us about this teenage girl's revenge fantasy

[Anonymous No.16579002]

>>16578565
It's not genre fiction. I want to do a character study that borders on the horrific and the metaphorical.
My idea regarding her sexuality is her emotional repression and frustration, which leads to her, after a terrible set of events which include a man assaulting her (without actually violating her) has her finding emotional catharsis after a lifetime of neglect in giving away her virginity to a man she knew but whom she had never seen in a romantic light.
I wish to explore her feelings of repulsion towards herself and resentment towards that man, who, aside from perhaps taking advantage of her vulnerability, didn't really rape her. It's not really much of a villain vs victim, and this is just one of the aspects I'd like to delve into. There's also the theme of crucial events taking a large toll on who we are and how a person we could have become never comes to existence, and how the cold indifference of a parent towards a child results in unrestrained cravings for affection later in life.
But yeah, you are correct; I should do more research.

[Anonymous No.16579010]

>>16579002
should probably get raped
try crossdressing in a black neighborhood

[Anonymous No.16579025]

>>16579010
We don't have those where I live. Blacks are an actual minority here.

[Anonymous No.16579232]

>>16578955
I don't want to because the inception idea is actually a really good one in terms of "this is something I can see certain people loving" and I don't want someone to steal it.

I know that sounds gay af, but sometimes when you know something you know it.

[Anonymous No.16579290]

>>16578622
Just do it, you faggot. People who like it will enjoy it, and those who don't will forget about it and move on to something else. Unless you did something extraordinarily bad, so much so as to result either entertaining or worthy of study, the worst thing to happen to you would be being ignored, and that's what's already happening to you without sharing your work.
Try to publish the damn thing and get it over with.

[Anonymous No.16579326]

Burgerpunk broke a total of 1000 views, that’s pretty neat.

[Anonymous No.16579330]

>>16579232
>I wrote a story
>no I won't show it to you
>secret idea do not steal
nigger

[Anonymous No.16579499]

>>16579002
Are you a man? If so, why do you want to write this?

[Anonymous No.16579523]

>>16579232
>>16579330
the absolute state of /wg/. Add that to the list of people who whine about tradpub and selfpub only but have nothing to show for it.

>>16579326
Good job anon!

[Anonymous No.16579543]

> Hello everybody.
> I'm new to this thread

Im plotting out a dystopian novel that centers around an elite using farming tactics to keep the servant class absolutely removed from power.
I am conducting an independent study of farming practices, technology, culture, economics, but was wondering if any of you have tips/sources for writing compelling dystopian fiction?

I've read 1984 and animal farm. I've watched blade runner and 12 monkeys (also other works but these are my main sources of inspiration)

[Anonymous No.16579571]

>>16579499
I am, and I want to because I find those themes interesting and would like to explore them or, at the very least, I'd like to use them as a backdrop to create something emotionally resonant. It's not a political or social matter at all, at least to me; I just want to follow a character's personal journey.

[Anonymous No.16579674]

Just wrote this intro to a fantasy novella/novel, can anyone tell me what they think? It's only 750 words.
https://pastebin.com/axHk3DFe
This is actually my first time ever writing (prose) in first person, so I'm mostly curious if I'm doing it right.

[Anonymous No.16579690]

>>16579674
It's 1:15AM, so I have to go to bed, but if the thread's still up tomorrow I promise I've give it a look and share my thoughts on it.

[Anonymous No.16579697]

>>16579690
*promise I'll

[Anonymous No.16579764]

>posted a 400 word prologue on RR for a 2nd novel I'm working on a week ago
>just wanted it to be accepted by the mods and didn't anticipate anyone reading it
>check back yesterday and see that it already has followers, ratings and comments asking for more
It's a nice feel that people are interested in the project, but I'm nowhere near ready to start posting the story. I guess it's more to the taste of the userbase, since my main project took a lot of work to get any traction

[Anonymous No.16579810]

>>16579764
I really should get around to posting my shit on Royal Retard. How difficult is it to get a following? I've seen some of the stuff on there and I'm almost certain my writing is handsomely above average for that place.

[Anonymous No.16579838]

>>16579810
>>16579764
Is RR usable for people whose writing isn't in English?

[Anonymous No.16579840]

>>16579810
I posted on RR a few times and I got ~20 reads per chapter

[Anonymous No.16579847]

>>16579810
Really depends both on what you're writing, and how often you're able to post new chapters. My main project is an oldschool Wuxia novel modelled after stuff written 60 years ago, so it's not too popular. I had to do some review swaps and network to get some regular readers. I also post rather infrequently, which doesn't help. If you're writing in one of the popular genres on the site, and post often, it shouldn't be too hard to gain a following

Quality on the site also doesn't matter too much beyond being competent. I've slowly been adding in more verbose and complex writing to see what I can get away with

[Anonymous No.16579856]

>>16579838
Most of the userbase reads in English, so probably not. A lot of readers there are forgiving when it comes to ESL phrasing, so you could always try writing in English

[Anonymous No.16579867]

>>16579764
>but I'm nowhere near ready to start posting the story
I'm almost like 30k words in to my story. 10 chapters. First 2 chapters decently edited. 3rd chapter somewhat. 4-6 a bit. 7-10 just drafted. Thinking about getting 2 more chapters done, editing a bunch and then start posting on RR. First 2 chapters first, then 1 additional chapter a week. Worried that won't give me enough time to stay ahead. Drafting between 3 and 5k per week atm. Know where the story is going now, but 5+ chapters from now? Not so much.
For your main project, how far ahead were you when you started posting. I figure the most important thing to get readers is to have a schedule and stick to it. So just need a ballpark. Rather err on the side of caution.

[Anonymous No.16579879]

>>16579856
I've written a few stories in English, but I thought it was about time I finally got serious about getting published in my home country with a novel written in that same language. I don't even have the excuse of my tongue not being very common; it's one of the most widely spoken worldwide.

[Anonymous No.16579894]

>>16579867
>For your main project, how far ahead were you when you started posting
Not ahead at all. I've just been posting chapters as I finish them. It's not a good strategy when it comes to amassing a following on the site, but when I started out I only saw it as a method of getting some feedback on my writing as I work on it. Sticking to a schedule is less about pleasing the readers, and more about maximizing your exposure. Someone posting a chapter a day has 7x more exposure via being on the front page than someone who only posts once a week

[Anonymous No.16579907]

>>16579674
>/Five years.../ I thought as grim reality crashed around my head,
/Five years down here.../ It seemed like an eternity.
Ditch the slashes and put them in italics instead if you didn't already in your main document. Also, is this supposed to be structured like poem stanzas? I noticed through the raw paste data there is an ungodly amount of paragraph breaks where there shouldn't be. It's kind of jarring to me unless that was something Pastebin might've formatted.


>>16579810
>How difficult is it to get a following?
I would basically say it strongly depends. If you can help, build a backlog and publish chapters once a day until you get caught up to your latest drafts. Another method is review swaps or putting your fiction in your sig and getting some exposure on the forums. Maybe post on other web fiction sites like Quotev, Scribblehub, etc too, and let cross-platform readers know you're posting on Royal too. Selling your soul on writer botnets or twitter is another way too.

>>16579838
Just use Grammarly and google docs and you'll be fine, probably.

[Anonymous No.16579943]

>>16579894
>Someone posting a chapter a day has 7x more exposure via being on the front page than someone who only posts once a week
Huh, okay. In that case I'll stick to what I said, and then when I get like 5-7 chapters out, start shilling everywhere trying to get more eyeballs

[Anonymous No.16579970]

>>16579907
I write in Vim.
I have it set to automatically break at 80 character line widths. The breaks don't matter to the lexer, and besides, it reads nicely in pastebin and all I need to do is ctrl+c ctrl+v the .tex file. The slashes are shorthand for italics in my custom TeX macros. The highlighted area is the code responsible for this. Anything surrounded in slashes becomes italics when I export to typeset pdf.

[Anonymous No.16579983]

>>16579907
I write in Vim.
I have it set to automatically break at 80 character line widths. The breaks don't matter to the lexer, and besides, it reads nicely in pastebin and all I need to do is ctrl+c ctrl+v the .tex file. The slashes are shorthand for italics in my custom TeX macros. The highlighted area is the code responsible for this. Anything surrounded in slashes becomes italics when I export to typeset pdf.

Repost because I fucked up my screenshot.

[Anonymous No.16580343]

>>16571973
What's the proper formatting shit for this? Don't wanna send something in only to have it tossed in the bin straight away because muh formatting

[Anonymous No.16580385]

Continued my writing, want thoughts (1/2)

My lady presence left me with the copy of ‘The Devotees of Women’. ‘Will we meet at another occasion, sir?’ she turned by the door and addressed me. She left it presented on top of my desk. The leather bound cover shrouded the book’s truth. I have taken it with me to lunch

Grabbing aside the book, the waitress put down my orders. She pours me a glass of wine as I eat my bread. I wait for her to leave before I begin eating the main course. Halfway through I have satisfied my appetite with the salad, bread, and wine. I put aside room to rest the book down. Carefully I separate the leather bounding the book, to which I see Judith has been crudely drawn. Holofernes face none to be found, whereas the depiction has been encapsulated in the artist liberty. I begin reading at this corner café, covering in spaces that has long abled me of running and ridding to earth adverse demands. I am in serene as there are not any patrons other than myself. The shades protect me from the sun and it has such distinct mood for someone who does not read often like me.

As I flipped through the pages, I begin noticing how much have been scribbled down. The ink of the prints contradicts with the ink of one’s hand. The writing is messy and varies, like it has not been written by a single person beforehand. Several unimportant pages later I find a page full of signatures, different each ones, though none named. I take out the quill that I have usually brought with me and I put down my signature near the bottom where an empty spot was left.

[Anonymous No.16580398]

>>16580385
(2/2)

It was hard to understand what the author wanted to convey in this book. There are poetries, proses, even act of plays that start and end abruptly. I do not understand the writing or any of the messages of the author. The illustrations spread throughout might be the outstanding aspect about this book for me. Likewise, these illustrations have no significance ties between one and another. They can be of one talking about aesthetic and other depravity, to which it ended on anything that the creators might have cared for enough. Now it seems to me that this book is an anthological creation, of several artists in both writing and illustrating for the sake of creations, for beauty or ego, to which either I respect their intentions for. The name van Vrijheid might just be a pseudonym for everyone to be one. I continue to flip pages upon pages. The café starts to fill in more crowds now, and I suspect to take my leave very soon. The sounds of the crowd ring through my ears even though I have purposefully taken the most corner seat. Soon I finish my wine and bread, I close the book and is about to pack everything up. A piece of ticket falls down from one of the pages that I have left unopened, landing on a plate of my unfinished lunch. I brush the ticket on my pant and take a look at it. It is for a play that will be hold tonight.

Never have I been huge into arts and whatsoever. Attending a theatric-play will be a farfetched entertainment for me to have chosen it. However, accompanying the ticket I found a letter written from, who I presume, to be the lady that has visited earlier this morning. The letter talks about how whoever found the ticket and the letter to have been lucky and have been gladly invited to attend the play. Additionally, this ticket is special and it is inquired for the person who has it to come to the backstage area after the play is done by the end of the night. I thought about this strange invitation for some solid minutes. I do not have anything particular that I should be doing tonight. I decided that I will attend the play.

A waitress comes up to my table and asked me if I would like another refill for my wine. I nod to her. I do not think that I could pass this afternoon entirely sober. Only when I have more than enough share of wine downed and the crowd buzzes were too much, I paid and walked back to my office.

[Anonymous No.16580408]

Lmao okay

[Anonymous No.16580645]

>>16576778
You can say the word black though

[Anonymous No.16580762]

>>16579764
Wow, nice Anon. Burgerpunk’s reception by the general Royal Road audience has been... more of confusion than eagerness, what little there is. Mostly just other anons, really.

[Anonymous No.16580822]

>>16580762
Maybe it's time to write some CybergerPunk, anon. RR likes SciFi

[Anonymous No.16580838]

>>16580645
Yeah, but I'm trying to be less on the nose, especially since in Blackula, people who get their blood drained by vampires start talking like stereotypical black people.

The ship reached the Bay of Biscay in western France. The wild blew wildly and the rain fell down in sheets.

Derrel walked downstairs to the work room, where Khyrel Ivanov was repairing pipes.

“Hey, Khyrel,” said Derrel.

“Yo man, wassup,” answered Khyrel.

Derrel frowned.

“Why are you talking like that?” asked Derrel.

“Dis how I always talk.”

“Jerome spoke like this the night he disappeared. Khyrel, you need to come with me to the first mate’s room. We can protect you there.”

“You trippin, Derrel.”

Khyrel snapped his fingers in front of his upper right chest, his upper left chest, lower right chest, and lower left chest, in rapid succession.

SNAP SNAP SNAP SNAP.

Then he clocked out and left the room.

Eight hours later, Kellan came to relieve Derrel and told him the bad news: Khyrel had disappeared too. The captain ordered everyone to work in pairs and on double watch, so no one had to work alone.

[Anonymous No.16581346]

>>16580762
You could turn borgerpunk into isekaipunnk :^)

[Anonymous No.16581368]

>>16581346
>Isekaipunk
A pizza delivery boy gets isekai'd to a medieval fantasy world, where he continues his tradition of taking food from restaurants to peoples houses. The people are a little confused by his peculiar habits at first, but he quickly becomes very successful and makes enough money to open the world's first McDonald's

[Anonymous No.16581634]

>>16580822
>>16581346
>>16581368
I think it's probably just the cover is kinda boring. But why NOT add chapters of random shit like that? Good ideas bros.

[Anonymous No.16581652]

I have 4 edited chapters of an epic fantasy on the scale of LoTR, 7 unedited ones and planning to start posting RR. But anxiety is overcoming me. I fear that I would soon have to face the reality that I'm a bad writer and no one likes my stuff

[Anonymous No.16581684]

>>16577510
The Future Is in Our Hands

[Anonymous No.16581719]

>>16581652
You should have already realized you are a bad writer and no one likes your stuff and kept writing anyway. It's all gonna be fine.

[Anonymous No.16581731]

>>16581634
My graphic design abilities are about on par with my writing. Kill me. But at least its somethin'.

[Anonymous No.16581739]

>>16581652
I got severe anxiety spikes earlier when I thought about branching out to other webnovel sites. Anxiety about anything is just what makes us human. Just be yourself bro.

[Anonymous No.16581778]

>>16577141
Nothing wrong with using "said". I know it feels monotonous to use the same word over and over, but the reader is focused on the dialogue and not the narration during a dialogue scene. They'll skip right over the said's, which function more like punctuation than anything.

That said, if the challenge of not using it makes your writing better, have at it!

[Anonymous No.16581799]

Hi /wg/, would anyone care to read and give feedback to my prose?
https://pastebin.com/uzaDAtyH
I'm posting here since I couldn't find the /crit/ thread. The prose sounds off but I could not really figure out why. Any feedback is appreciated thanks.

[Anonymous No.16581836]

>>16581799
looks pretty solid to me chief

[Anonymous No.16581848]

>>16581836
thanks for that. I'm just afraid that I've written some purple prose and don't realize it.

[Anonymous No.16581900]

>>16581799
>>16581848

Doesn't look like a purple prose to me either, your writings are pretty solid yeah.

Keep going with it Anon, you're better than I am.

[Anonymous No.16581933]

>>16581900
thanks anon, I'm sure we all will make it someday

[Anonymous No.16582024]

>>16581933
Yuh anon, also are you willing to trade feedbacks to my writing. I thought it was sloppy since I was quickly writing it last night.

>>16580385
>>16580398

[Anonymous No.16582058]

>>16581652
>epic fantasy on the scale of LoTR
>4 edited chapters
>7 unedited ones

Sir, I'd like to remind you that LoTR is 576,459 words long. Even if that is not the exact word count you're aiming for, something tells me that what you're about to attempt goes well beyond your current skill level, as well as your endurance to complete. Might I recommend a more realistic, downscaled starting plan?

[Anonymous No.16582100]

>>16580385
>>16580398
>>16582024
pretty solid for a quick write. I cut and paste your prose to free grammarly just to fix the basic grammar mistakes
https://pastebin.com/LqJrNUhu
the pastebin expires in 24 hours

[Anonymous No.16582101]

>>16579764
>posted a 400 word prologue on RR
>I'm nowhere near ready to start posting the story
Why the fuck would you do that? Are you retarded? You're just going to lose what little interest was there. A lot of readers actually pay attention to the author and won't be so eager to follow your future stories if you have history as someone who doesn't deliver.

[Anonymous No.16582105]

>>16582024
Not him but 2nd post, 1st paragraph is way too dummy fucking thicc. I don't think any other issues jumps out at me.

[Anonymous No.16582120]

Vacuous skyscrapers thrust from the earth like extended file cabinets. I, a brown spider, scuttle between them. Aware of the procedures occurring inside. You know what I mean, they lay you down and open you up. Men with goggles and masks poke at your colon, then remove it and tack it to the wall. Similar men gather and conjecture about it. Point fingers, wave hands and run statistics. The colon gets divided and divvied amongst them in equal proportions for individual “research” and blah blah blah you know what I mean. This is constantly going on and compounding in minuscule ways no spider like me can fathom.

[Anonymous No.16582506]

What is the creative process like for you anons? I'm thinking of throwing concepts around then making something out of it.

Numerology + Post Codes + Street Gangs + Stock Market Crash + 2020

[Anonymous No.16582607]

>>16582506
>Numerology + Post Codes + Street Gangs + Stock Market Crash + 2020
I'd read it.

[Anonymous No.16582739]

Cringe or comedy? Please help me out /lit/

Situation (dont want to translate everything): Family father cheated, and now is blackmailed by the affair to meet up with her in a cafe. She basically does not wants to do him ill, but rather makes him an offer to work with her (business related). She only blackmailed him to get him to meet with her, because otherwise he would not have done it. The discussion is already going on for a while, but i just want crit on this part and am to lazy to translate.
____________
He:" You used the good name of the honourable Dr. Schmidt for your public relation schemes!" "The honourable Dr. Schmidt.", She parroted him. "Fuck you." "Grow up, when father and I invited the honourable Dr. Schmidt for dinner the only thing he managed was staring at my tits. And I was only 16 at the time." He snorted into his latte, and tiny foam flakes flewover the table into her general direction.
_______________
(Several lines down the discussion they changed topics, and he now asks about their one-night stand, since he has drug and alcohol related blackouts)
___________
"So, anyway, how did we - you know?"
"Well, you told me about your problem at work, what it would mean for your colleagues, your wife and son, and were really sweet about it. So I told you, I would help you if you lick my pussy." Again tiny foam flakes changed position from one side of the table to the other.

[Anonymous No.16582940]

>>16581799
Hello Anon, thanks for contributing something to critique to the thread. I'll try to focus on your prose more than your narrative (I will still give it some attention though) since that's what you seem to be having trouble evaluating.

There are a lot of strange sentence constructions here and I don't know if you are trying to push at your syntax for stylistic purposes (which doesn't work) or if you are ESL. I don't meant to insult you if you aren't, but sentences like, "But then again, he never really does know her...never cares about her daily foils." Part of it is grammar, part syntax, and part diction. I would write this thought out something like this, "He never really knew her, never asked normal friendly questions, never cared about her day."

Another example is, "The drizzle started falling as he made his way back home, but he was in no hurry to change his pace." This would make more sense as, "It started drizzling" or, "He made his way home in a light drizzle." I think the problem here is that the word drizzle and falling both describe the unacknowledged rain. The rain is a drizzle or the rain falls, but saying the drizzle falls or is falling is redundant. I would write this sentence as, "As he walked home it started to drizzle, but he was in no hurry." There are lots of other ways to insert intention made apparent in the paragraph here as well to reduce word count, but I'll leave it at this for now.

Another really odd thing about this excerpt is the description of common things in strange ways, the type of strange that is not conducive to the transfer of meaning and emotion but the kind that makes you scratch your head. One of these is the first paragraph. Here is a tentative rewrite, without the aforementioned first sentence.
It rained often in (city name here).
That's the whole rewrite. One sentence. I'm not trying to be rude either. So, why? Ask yourself what is being communicated by the sentence/paragraph/chapter at all times. In this paragraph the material has roughly two ideas. A man is walking home, in no hurry, in the rain. It rains often in this city. How to remedy this? Give the reader characterization. What the reader knows about this man is that he doesn't mind getting wet. They don't know his name, his city's name, how far he is from his home (assumed apartment in the city), or what he is feeling. They theoretically learn about the city's water cycle instead. This cycle may be a symbol to you, but without some inference through text the reader is left to assumption.

Another oddity is "For those who are not familiar" which is practically a break from third person to second (incredibly jarring) because the sentence is an implied "For those of you who are not familiar." This should be cut.

Sorry anon, out of space. Thank you for contributing. Feel free to ask for more critique or for an explanation of this critique. I'll get back to you fairly quickly.

[Anonymous No.16582986]

>>16582506
I have a scene in mind and think about how I could make it cooler for the hypothetical me that would read it.

A knight trudging up a hill.

Why is he trudging? What is his armour like? What kind of weapons does he have? Is this at the start of a fight or at the end of a fight? A fight against what?

[Anonymous No.16583046]

>>16582101
Do people really get their hopes up that much for a rando who posts one thing on RR? They're probably just being nice and polite

[Anonymous No.16583101]

>>16582940
oh man thank you for this. Yes I'm ESL, so that might be a part of it. The prose is part of a larger narrative, so the man's characterization is done at(on?) other parts of the story. Definitely going to take note of the redundancy and change from third to second person. Can you maybe expand more on the strangeness of my writings? Thank you for this again, very helpful.

[Anonymous No.16583109]

>>16583046
What reason do they have to be nice to some "rando" if they didn't actually like what they read? Most people have low standards and get easily attached if there's even one element they enjoy. But then they'll also be that much more disappointed if the author takes forever to update or ghosts them.

[Anonymous No.16583116]

When are the Lit Quarterly acceptance/rejection notices going out?

[Anonymous No.16583121]

>>16582058
Chill mate. I just meant to say I'm aiming to capture the epicness of the LoTR in term of having world saving quest with the backdrop of millennia of history coming to a conclusion. And yeah I'm aware of the enormous word count. But webnovel sites are the perfect platform for thousands pages fictions.

[Anonymous No.16583139]

>>16582506
i have a setting in mind. not even a scene, just a place. a law office past work hours, a dilapidated train station, a forest burning. then i make up the story as i go. it sucks

[Anonymous No.16583146]

>>16581799
Looks good senpai, well done

One suggestion I have is to watch your tenses, you tend to move back an forth between present and past when describing ongoing action, maybe aim to make it more consistent

Example of this being
>His clothes have soaked through when he was only three minutes away from where he lives. He still moves at the same pace as before. No need to hurry, he thought. He passed through pastel-colored concrete blocks until he saw his private landmark, half of a motorcycle helmet that remained untouched on the ground since the accident years back, before turning left.

Another one being
>he hoped that she is back

*he hoped that she WAS back

Otherwise I liked it

[Anonymous No.16583148]

>>16583121
>But webnovel sites are the perfect platform for thousands pages fictions.
The question is, have you ever written even a hundred pages before?

[Anonymous No.16583166]

>>16583109
I've heard that RR is a small community/website, unlike say Amazon or Wattpad, so people try to be encouraging to newbies. Think about it logically, who gets attached after 400 words?

[Anonymous No.16583177]

>>16583148
I'm doing the second draft for my 130k words novel at the moment. Doesn't mean I can now tackle such an ambitious project, but well, it's been fun to try

[Anonymous No.16583182]

>>16583146
thanks man, really appreciate it

[Anonymous No.16583219]

>>16570396

Should you start a book with a central idea/something specific you want to say in place? In other words, should a novel be focused on expressing ideas or more just amble around and explore its themes?

Am I just a retard who doesn't realize that almost all books are in the former category?

[Anonymous No.16583289]

>>16583101
1/2
Hello again Anon, you're welcome for the critique.
I firmly discourage you from changing to second person. Third is better for most things, and I was pointing out that you had accidentally slipped into second without noticing.

I did want to note that there is an oddity (which may only arise from the grammar) that pushes me to ask if the setting is meant to include sci-fi or fantastical elements. When I read the first paragraph I thought this might be set on a world with a special sun, or that there was something that required explanation of that nature. I don't think this is the case, but the way you write makes it seem that way. The same can be said for the paragraph about the 'drab grey blocks' which I assume to be an apartment complex, through commonality of metaphor, but that is engendered to the surreal by your presentation.

One of the most pressing issues for your writing on a technical level is pacing and scene. You seem to be unsure when to give and withhold detail. This is much easier to deal with if you know what needs to be done in a scene before it's written.

For example, the man is coming home in the rain, and then he is still coming home, but is closer now, and then he is in sight of the grey blocks, and then within two blocks of home, then walking up the set of stairs to his home. Think about the necessity of movement here. You seem to want to have the man walking home and thinking poignant thoughts. This eats most of the scene, and only shares its bed with a flashback. To keep the man thinking you keep the man walking, probably knowing that inside his house waits another scene or development. The problem is that the scene is boring. Few readers are interested in a man walking in the rain and they will focus on that while reading. The problem is that the man's thoughts are not important or concise or lively enough to drive him towards anything.

" now he remembered, on a rainy dusk just like this. He did not remember exactly" He remembers, and doesn't remember. I believe you as an author desire to hide some critical information from the reader for developmental purposes. The reason why they live together matters, especially to this character, and people tend to remember critical information regarding their living arrangement. If it can't be revealed don't show it at all. If that ruins the scene's purpose, remove the scene.

In 2/2 I'm going to try to retool the scene to contain the minimum amount of required information to show you what that might look like.

[Anonymous No.16583318]

>>16583166
I honestly can't even tell what you're arguing about.

[Anonymous No.16583334]

>>16583182
No worries, please keep writing, I think you'll do well

[Anonymous No.16583418]

>>16583101
>>16583289
2/2

The man walked home through drizzling rain. No reason to hurry.
The pastel-colored concrete apartment complex came into view. He lived there. They look abandoned.
He lived with a woman for five years. Didn't talk much. Friends, maybe? Not interested.
The man goes up stairs, towards home. He hoped she was back.
Alone.

That is the movement of the scene squeezed just about as hard as I can squeeze it. This is a good scaffolding for an excerpt to be built on. The problem I have with what you wrote was that it focused almost entirely on not showing that most important bit. These last three 'paragraphs' I have and how they conjoin with the first. Summarizing the scene in a single sentence looks like this.
"The reason the man is in no hurry home, despite the rain, is that he is afraid of what isn't waiting for him"

For instruction on this kind of absent, contextual, sad story read 'Are These Actual Miles', which is a short story by Raymond Carver. It could help set an example.

My advice is to punch up the emotional reflection (but not too much), pull back on the physical movement, and advance the narrative movement. Be more concise and concrete and lean more into what the character actually doesn't know. For example: he knows that they have lived together five years and he knows why. He doesn't know if the girl likes him or if she knows that he likes her. Maybe he isn't entirely sure he does like her, maybe he's just so lonely something that talks back is good enough. We relate. The scene can focus more on his poignant reflection than his actual walk home. He remembers the time he was almost sure she was hitting on him. He remembers the time he did something stupid or embarrassing. He remembers helping her, or her helping him. Focus on his lack of surety that she will have come back, and whether or not her dependence on him as a roommate is something he should or could exploit. Maybe he thinks it's a gross idea sometimes, and sometimes he thinks they are already a family. It's cold and raining outside.

I hope all of this has helped somewhat anon, and I'm sorry if I was too repetitive. If you retool the story feel free to post back for more critique, and good luck with your writing.

[Anonymous No.16583484]

>>16583289
>>16583418
holy shit anon idk why you would spend your time doing this for another anon, but I'm really glad you did. Thank you for all this. going to retool the story right now. Oh and thanks for the rec, will check it out soon.

[Anonymous No.16583499]

>>16583484
>filename

Flip or indonesian?

[Anonymous No.16583513]

>>16583318
I'm sorry you're so small brained

[Anonymous No.16583554]

>>16583499
Malaisie

[Anonymous No.16583580]

>>16583513
So you were just trying to start shit over nothing, like the asshole you are. Got it.

[Roy No.16583638]

I’m an actual writer in the industry and work for an anctual Press. I got some time to kill so if you have questions or want advice, shoot.

[Anonymous No.16583656]

>>16583580
Your lack of intelligence is sad

[Anonymous No.16583661]

>>16583638
Why would you choose to larp on an anonymous weeb image board?

[Roy No.16583690]

>>16583661
>Larping
Why would I Larp as a small writer? The job and it’s territory doesn’t pay well and isn’t notable in the slightest.

Regardless you can listen to me or not. I don’t care. At the end of the day, most of you will still be here posting. And I won’t

[Anonymous No.16583705]

>>16583690
Why not make an AMA on Reddit

[Anonymous No.16583785]

>>16583690
>Why would I Larp as a small writer?
That's what I'm asking. I mean, if people here post questions, you could just answer them normally, instead of posing as some kind of an authority and namefagging. I guess you're just starved for attention.

[Roy No.16583791]

>>16583705
>why aren’t you on reddit
Why aren’t you? Because we both know it sucks anon. Plus AMA threads on reddit are nothing more than thinly veiled marketing campaigns.

>Hi guys it’s Charles! I’m from Dicksuckers press and today I’m proud to announce my first book which you can buy on all of my affiliate links here: and here: make sure to subscribe to my YouTube’s and twitters! AMA!
>what’s being a writer like?
>I’m so glad you asked! When I first started working at dicksuckers press, a press that was started in 1998 in Kuntucky, by Chad and Brad Rogers, I was amazed at what a writer can be. Chad and Brad offered me a package service costing $19.88 which you can find here:

[Roy No.16583816]

>>16583785
>just answer questions
I’m a little lazy to scroll through a whole bread of what just seems to be people arguing, if the last couple of posts were anything to go by. But I can, when I’m done answering emails.

>starved for attention
Literally going into /b/ and saying you fucked a femboy will garner you more attention than /lit/

And I’m not an authority anon-kun. I’m just someone who has actual experience that others might find useful

[Anonymous No.16583823]

>>16583791
For one thing Roy, you'd get lots of redditors paying attention to you, specifically and non-anonymously

[Roy No.16583840]

>>16583823
That’s great if I wanted attention. I just want to try and point people in the right direction with things.

[Anonymous No.16583858]

>>16580838
Lol niggers

[Anonymous No.16583920]

I can officially say that I've gotten an idea for a story from a dream now.
The character literally pulled into my driveway and rang my doorbell.

[Anonymous No.16584089]

>>16583139
Law offices after hours are 99% sad places and 1% awesome. The best lawyers to work for are the ones that have a bar they go to instead of a bar they own.

[Anonymous No.16584092]

>>16582986

[Anonymous No.16584161]

>>16583858

I like you Roy. Keep it up. Maybe some dont understand an act of kindness (perhaps out of boredom) but i think youre a cool guy.

Unfortunately im ESL and wrote my whole novel in my primary language so i cant ask you for advice. Prolly lookin to self publish. Anywho, keep up the kindness!

[Anonymous No.16584178]

>>16582739

Nobody?

[Anonymous No.16584199]

>>16584178
It sounds like two people talking in a cafe in real life, not interesting until the last line

[Anonymous No.16584266]

>>16583816
They dont understand not being an attention craving faggot.

Ok so, should i send my novel to publishers even though they’ve written theyre not accepting unrequested scripts at the moment?
(Got the advice from a friend and i think it sounds retarded).

[Roy No.16584459]

>>16584266
Can confirm that your friend is retarded. You never want to send your manuscript to a publish on its own, let alone when they aren’t requesting submissions. Both are quick ways to either be ignored, or to be thrown into a slush pile for an intern to read. (In which case you’ve got a marginal chance of being accepted, but you are more likely to win the lottery at that point.)

If you are serious about trying to get the manuscript published, try and find a good agent who’s excited about your work. Be wary of people who just want to shovel your shit for cash. You want someone who shares that same passion for your project as you do. They will help you to pitch it to publishers and hopefully garner interest. It’s also important to remember that first impressions matter in this industry as well, do make sure the manecrupt is solid.

If you figure on self publishing by the way, avoid vanity presses. Any publisher that says you have to pay them is a scam. It should always be the other way around. Avoid Amazon as well. When’s the last time, other than The Martian, you’ve heard of an Amazon book getting big.

Finally in the meantime, it doesn’t hurt to get smaller short stories, poems, etc published in small magazines. Street crew helps.

TL;DR your friend is retarded

[Anonymous No.16584517]

>>16584199

ok, great, thanks, I thought I am too artificial about writing sexual related dialogue

[Roy No.16584553]

>>16584266
>>16584459
And actually to add on to it, if you are serious; start posting on social media. Twitter, insta, etc. Get people interested in your writing (but never post bits of your manuscript.) if you secure an agent they will tell you to do the same.

The reasoning behind this is that a publishing company can look st your number of followers and get a rough estimate of how many people would be interested in buying your book flat out, while also seeing how much cheaper marketing your book might be.

[Anonymous No.16584569]

>>16584178
>>16582739
there should be breaks in paragraphs whenever someone new talks.

"You used the good name of the honourable Dr. Schmidt for your public relation schemes!" The father says angrily.
"The honourable Dr. Schmidt.", She parroted him.
"Fuck you."
"Grow up, when father and I invited the honourable Dr. Schmidt for dinner the only thing he managed was staring at my tits. And I was only 16 at the time," he snorts into his latte, and tiny foam flakes flew over the table into her general direction.

[Anonymous No.16584570]

>>16583920
Happens to me all the time. I don't know if it's cringe or if it means I am an oracle. But I've always had very elaborate, movie-like, narratively structured dreams. It's as good a source as any. And given the circumstances of this year waking life does little to inspire me.

[Anonymous No.16584640]

>>16584553
I fucking hate this timeline and hope that the human species ends in nuclear fire.

[Anonymous No.16584666]

>>16584553
>if you are serious; start posting on social media. Twitter, insta, etc
Guess I will start investing in a safe to keep my novels for future generations then.

[Roy No.16584733]

>>16584640
>>16584666
It is honestly the worst thing about the timeline and the industry right now in my opinion. Take note though that a follower count won’t make or break wether or not a publisher chooses to publish you, especially if you can get their editor on your side through sheer passion. But a following does really help, and the more business side of the industry loves that shit.


I think one of the things that depresses me by the way is that we were told stories, stories that were just a generation ago, of how some authors/publishers would stand ins greet corners shouting about their books. How they would wear signs and sell copies of their novel to anyone who would pay them mind. How they would make connections with the people who approached them and how this concept was seen as a novel idea. Now it’s all impersonal.

[Anonymous No.16584797]

>>16584570
I've always been the same too. I can vividly remember a certain dream I had back when I was a little kid like it was any other movie. Usually the narrative makes no sense or wouldn't make a good story, but sometimes there's good elements like a monster or something.

[Anonymous No.16584807]

>>16574195
Flash fiction based on /lit/ writing prompts https://woland.substack.com/archive

[Anonymous No.16584880]

>>16584733
>I think one of the things that depresses me by the way is that we were told stories, stories that were just a generation ago, of how some authors/publishers would stand ins greet corners shouting about their books. How they would wear signs and sell copies of their novel to anyone who would pay them mind. How they would make connections with the people who approached them and how this concept was seen as a novel idea. Now it’s all impersonal.
oh no I certainly want that to come back

[Anonymous No.16585315]

>>16579674
My main takeaway from this is /lit/ is incapable of critiquing anything beyond beginners.

[Anonymous No.16585368]

>tfw wish I was writing but don't have short story ideas
I guess this is when you go and start editing the shit you've already written?

[Anonymous No.16585407]

>>16584459
>>16584553

Ty guys!

[Anonymous No.16585422]

>>16585368
I want someone to write Homo for the Holidays
>>16520551

[Anonymous No.16585430]

>>16570933
The collapse of Western civilization is doing a great deal to free up my calendar.

[Anonymous No.16585453]

>>16585422
gas yourself

[Anonymous No.16585460]

>>16585315
Are you implying that this guy isn't a beginner? Low bar

[Anonymous No.16585478]

>>16584880
What is going on in this image and why does it make me want to cry?

[Anonymous No.16585494]

>>16583638
How did you start out as a writer? How did you get your first writing gig?

[Anonymous No.16585680]

>>16584089
It's only 1% awesome if you're not one of the paralegals who is working overtime to go through thousands of pages of exhibits

[Anonymous No.16585723]

Why are so many writers bald/balding?

[Anonymous No.16585730]

>>16584797
I remember when I was a kid, I'd lay in bed in the morning in a half-dream, half wakeful state, playing out these elaborate imaginative fantasies in my mind. I didn't realize it at the time but I was effectively engaging in the fiction writing process without writing it down or putting words to it. Fiction itself is linked to dreamlike cognitive processes. Imagination is just dreaming that's been diluted and constrained by the valve of wakeful consciousness.

Usually when I get an idea for a story from a dream it's no a fully fleshed out plot but just a few scattered pieces of striking imagery or a scene that sticks out of my mind. I use this as a seed from which to grow the story.

[Anonymous No.16585807]

>>16585730
Are you me?

[Anonymous No.16585821]

What happened to the nano/lit/ ten part project?
The last one I saw was for elves?

[Anonymous No.16585836]

>>16585460
Reads fine to me. What's your issue with it?

[Anonymous No.16585886]

>>16585821
Idk, I haven't seen that anon around for a few days. He's probably just busy

[Anonymous No.16585903]

>>16585886
I hope he plans on completing it, really enjoyed doing short pieces for it so far

[Anonymous No.16585930]

>>16585903
Yeah, I worked on a few things for that project as well. Writing nano lit is always pretty fun, since I like seeing how much I can pack into a low word count

[Anonymous No.16585946]

>>16585680
That’s what I mean by 99% of the time it sucks.

[Anonymous No.16585954]

Can you have people believe the main character can die if it's first person? I have this short story where the narrator has a gun he plans to kill himself with, but the more I'm re-reading it, the more I'm realizing it needs to be first person, but I need that tension of "will he or won't he?"

[Anonymous No.16586026]

>>16585478
She's a porn star and her pimps are making her sell her own DVD on the streets of Tokyo

[Anonymous No.16586121]

>>16579674
>>16585315
Can't really think about anything to say about it. It was understandable, but kind of clumsy and awkward in this inexplicable way. Maybe I'm just too tired.

>I opened my eyes to see several windmills nestled in the crags of the mountain, pumping massive bellows through tubes that dove into the rock and disappeared.
How do windmills pump bellows through tubes? I can only assume the sentence structure is fucked and it's the bellows pumping -air- through the tubes.

Overall, this reminds me a lot of a passage posted in an earlier thread, about a guy in a dungeon, interviewed by a warden. Is this the same story? That one confused me the same way. I don't get what the author is going for with the whimpy MC passively describing his assrape. It's really boring and kind of annoying to read. The protagonist should be active and engaging. His life sucks? Well, mine does too, so what. I have no reason to care about this faggot.

[Anonymous No.16586232]

>>16586026
That is really sad. :(

[Anonymous No.16586259]

>>16585954
He can decide it while writing it. And then, he stops writing and its implied he killed himself. You can even add a "note" by someone who has found the text, and maybe add some details from an outside perspective.
A lot of Lovecraft narrators are on the verge of suicide. On the Mountains of Madness is just an example from the top of my head.

[Anonymous No.16586306]

>>16586026
I didn't come to this thread to feel

[Anonymous No.16586471]

>>16586306
It’s so beautifully tragic. I want more stories this style. Like the porn comic plot but like a movie about almost redemption. Or a book.

[Anonymous No.16586482]

>tfw nine more days until I can start editing my book

I finished it on September 24th and I swore to myself I wouldn't lay eyes on it at all for a solid month. The distance should, hopefully, help me in the editing process.

[Anonymous No.16586519]

>>16584880
Is this burgerpunk?

[Anonymous No.16586520]

Another day writing romance garbage instead of working on my real manuscript.

[Anonymous No.16586630]

>>16586121
Well thanks for the actual criticism. Only took 22 hours.
Though it's a bit odd when it boils down to, "I didn't like it, but I can't explain why." I did say this was my first attempt at first person, so I'm assuming that what you're feeling is that my cadence for describing the scenery and surroundings makes the MC sound very passive in first person?

That doesn't really bother me, considering his personality is meant to be passive, but apparently that annoys you. Perhaps you would be more forgiving if it went beyond the introduction, because unless you wanted me to make him a generic hot-blooded, wise-cracking hero champing at the bit, which isn't the type of plot I'm going for, the context of the story limits the actions he can take to introspection, observation, and feeling like shit. Really I wanted him to come off as someone fully subjugated by the law, and unless you think I've failed in that, I see no reason to change it. He gets more active in the next passage when he has the freedom to act on his own, so I'm not concerned.

That being said, would he benefit from an extra character trait, like fantasizing about retribution to highlight how powerless he is?
>Is this the same story?
No.

If you eventually figure out how to articulate your feelings about the prose, feel free to tell me. Because, again, this is my first time writing first person, and I can only assume the inexplicable feeling is because of that. This would've been way easier for me to write in third person limited, but in context of the plot it seems best to be first person.

[Anonymous No.16586759]

>>16570933
Acid being legal and money

[Anonymous No.16586874]

>>16586630
>Well thanks for the actual criticism. Only took 22 hours.
Don't be a baby. You're not entitled to people's time and effort. Useful critique is effort and often not taken on board.

>my cadence for describing the scenery and surroundings makes the MC sound very passive
No, it's the passive MC that makes him seem passive. It is nothing to do with scenery and nothing to do with being a hot blooded wise cracking hero. You should read more if you think that's the only way for an MC to be an active part of the story.

Yes, he would benefit from an extra trait.

Different anon but it's not the fact that it's your first time writing first person, it's the prose itself. Overwrought and tortured and often strange word choices. I won't go through it line by line but I think you would benefit from learning self restraint. Go through it and ask yourself what is really necessary to say.

[Anonymous No.16586893]

I'm almost done writing the part where Dracula/Blackula eats everyone on the ship

[Anonymous No.16586968]

I just watched Iwriterly and im absolutely terrified of how she/her agent friend seems to hate on anything that dont start establishing your main character right away, if that is the state of the industry I am fucked.
Partially because I have a 2k words prologue introducting my deuteragonist, and there is no speech until 400 words in, its not info dumping though, its merely a build-up.
But man all my confidence went to crap.

[Anonymous No.16587018]

>>16586630
Another anon here. You're trying too hard. You have a bunch of complicated descriptions that don't tell me much. The narrator seemingly has no personality, and offers little insight throughout the excerpt. With a first person narrative, it's expected that we're going to get an intimate (and often imperfect) account of the story by the narrator. If you want a ton of flowery and overwrought descriptions, many of which are often a bit disassociated, just write in third person. You've chosen first person without using seemingly any of the benefits that comes with it. I think you'd benefit a lot from reading and studying some first person fantasy, like Book of the New Sun

[Anonymous No.16587038]

>>16586259
But it's pretty clear by the ending that he knew he wasn't going to kill himself. Ends with him throwing the gun in a pond.

[Anonymous No.16587050]

>>16586482
>not waiting until the New Year
never gonna make it

[Anonymous No.16587063]

>>16586968
I wouldn't really say that's the state of the industry. It's just a story-telling fundamental. Just about every novel you pick up will establish the main character right away. Even The Iliad introduces Achilles in the very first line. It's kinda expected that you follow conventional story structuring if you want to publish a novel

[Anonymous No.16587107]

>>16587063
Wheel of time ,Song of Ice and Fire, The Blade Itself
From the top of my head, both of these had starts that focused not on the protagonist.
Granted, both Wheel and Song are from a different era, but to say this is a timeless fundamental is not correct.
Also, I dont think how the rules applies when you have multiple protagonists

[Anonymous No.16587115]

>>16585807
Am I you?
inb4 reddit tier response

[Anonymous No.16587116]

>>16587063
I can think of countless books I read that had set-up prologues or unrelated chapters, bernard cornwell for example.
I guess its a debut writer thing then

[Anonymous No.16587158]

>>16587107
Wow, fantasy series that have a billion protagonists vary a little in structure. I'm shocked. I'm talking about your average novel, not a fantasy epic from an obese guy with more money than he can possibly spend

[Anonymous No.16587167]

>>16587063
I will give you an example of what I mean, I made it up on the spot.

Start
>The fog was thick in the city of pipe and industry, admist maze-like alleys dirty robed workers hurried to unseen posts, one of them however seemed to take his time, cigarrete in hand and a ventrila automatic gun on another, he seemed ready to kill, adding one more screaming face on his troubled memories. - "I hate this job" the moaning escaped his mouth...

See what I did here?
Set-up
What they suggest seems more like
> - "I hate this job", the man with a cigarrete in hand and a ventrila automatic gun silently moaned to himself amidst chaotic street...
and bla bla bla

Are both acceptable, or is the latter more acceptable than the first?

[Anonymous No.16587176]

200 posts talking about "muh ideas", 5 posts actually posting writing. 5 out of those 5 make a point to mention it's "their first time doing x."
Out of those 5, only 1 got a multiple-post, line-by-line critique, while the rest got "reads fine to me" or "reads off to me, too lazy to say why though."
OP lists terrible books like Save The Cat, No Lajos Egri and recommends self-publishing. Probably hasn't read any of the books listed.
At this point I'd face the truth that these threads are a pale ghost of /crit/ threads and promptly delete this one. The name of this general itself attracts non-writers wannabes too strongly.

[Anonymous No.16587178]

>>16587158
The thing is, what is the cut-off point?
If you have a single protagonist, its very obvious, you set up the protagonist early on.
But what if you have more than one protagonists, Im guessing you give priority to the more immediately plot relevant one.

[Anonymous No.16587326]

>>16587018
Right, right, looking at it like that, it does reads like I'm just making random calls to an emotion rather than invoking someone's personality. I'll make some direct, "It made me feel like X" and then immediately slip into an overlong description void of any personality or pertinence to the character himself, only to build the scene after apparently slipping into my instincts to write in third person. It ends up being the worst of both worlds. It's just "Call to emotion" and "Florid description" sandwiched ad infinitum.

Thanks for the input. It's pretty obvious I need to rewrite it, but I'll need to decide if I want to continue practicing first person or just throw up my hands and go back to third person even though the story never leaves his perspective.

[Anonymous No.16587333]

>>16587176
>At this point I'd face the truth that these threads are a pale ghost of /crit/ threads and promptly delete this one. The name of this general itself attracts non-writers wannabes too strongly. I think the idea is this wasn't supposed to be /crit/ in the first place. Some OP maker(s) had the genius idea to start incorporating /crit/ into the OP title—but I'll be frank, even from the very first thread we had random dumps of these poems or pulps shorts that I thought people were just posting just because—it didn't occur to me that they were seeking a critique. For that matter, we were just informally /crit/-lite. Putting crit in the title for better or for worst made it more formalized.

I have never been to /crit/ at all, so I figure that's common practice there. It wasn't until a few threads ago that OP told people doing those to mention they would like critique in some form or another. But all it really does is just invite more bad apples with fried dopamines.

But, I'm not personally bothered by them. If people want to post them that's fine. Because the other kind of posts are narcissistic with dopamines fried beyond recognition, and schizos off their meds whining about people not self or tradpubbing but never have the gall to share any work themselves.

[Anonymous No.16587357]

>>16587178
Hell if I know. I haven't read ASOIAF in years, but doesn't it roughly start off with showing the life of the Starks at Winterfell before everything goes to shit? I would say that's giving priority to the most plot-relevant protagonists

>>16587167
I'd say that the second one is significantly better. You're immediately given a line from the protagonist, and it sets up a lot of questions like: what's his job, and why does he hate it?

The first one forces you to get through a bunch of description before getting to the point where the reader is intrigued to know more about what is going on

[Anonymous No.16587381]

>>16587357
I am writing a protagonist that comes back from the grave in the first page
I can't simply give him a talking line without being in media res and looking out of place.

So maybe, I should use...second person? Someone telling a story perhaps?

[Anonymous No.16587442]

>>16587176
Because this is not a crit thread you fucking retard. If you want to jerk each other's amateur work then go make a proper crit thread

[Anonymous No.16587458]

>>16587442
>>16587333
The point wasn't that more critiques are wanted. The point was that in /crit/ people take things seriously and efforpost, while everybody here seems to be a first-timer talking about how hard it is to write 100 words and commenting on their ideas endlessly, but never sharing actual writing in a writing general.

[Anonymous No.16587476]

>>16587458
If /crit/ stopped whinging about why people's critiques aren't thorough or engaging or deep enough, 95% of their posts would disappear

[Anonymous No.16587517]

>>16587458
In gerneral, you are correct. A big percentage of posters are exactly as you described and some of them are probably just shitposts. Sadly I can count less than 10 cases of people who actually post their work—some posted links to their amazon poem books, a few others shared their writing blogs, and at least ~5 of us has posted our fictions on Royalroad or Wattpad.

/wg/ has a lot going against it but it's unique because there isn't a single thread like it anywhere else on 4chan from what I gathered. There are writing threads like on /tg/ but those are more for campaigns. Before /wg/ I contemplated lurking and then posting on /sffg/ but never did in the end since I don't know how kindly people take to self promoting serial writing there, since even here theres a vocal minority that get their panties in a bunch about serial writing.

[Anonymous No.16587530]

>>16587458
Some of us do post the novels we're working on, though. The focus of this thread is the writing process, which makes it different from /crit/. I had to stop visiting those threads years ago because 99% of the posts were garbage that the poster didn't even bother to proofread

>>16587381
You don't necessarily have to give him any lines in the opening pages. Just establish a picture of the character at the start, so have a basis of which to determine change throughout the novel

[Anonymous No.16587571]

Just posted my first chapter on RR
Lets see if anyone bats an eye

[Anonymous No.16587607]

>>16587571
Post it here so we can read it

[Anonymous No.16587694]

>>16587571
Yeah I'm bored too. Post it

[Anonymous No.16587738]

>>16587607
>>16587694
sure, might aswell
https://pastebin.com/7pMi98aA
Accepting critique obviously

[Anonymous No.16587846]

>>16587738
I think first of all replace all the dashes (the - ) and replace them with commas or periods that come before and after someone speaks.

IE

>“Is this the hospitality of House Sanatorea?” He recited eloquently to the faint frozen wind that touched the courtyard, he is half-naked. His once functional armor partially covering skin and falling apart each step he took while descending from the stony mound, “the warmth of Lady Andressa or King Balmier are severely undermined by the unwillingness of their servants!” Again, no answer back.

Generally, unless it's a stylistic choice you don't use dashes to start or end dialogue. In English punctuation, we use commas, periods, and sometimes neither. Our rules are pretty weird about it sometimes because there might be a comma between pause of dialogue and other times it doesn't matter.

The dashes aside; there's a lot of run-on sentences and I think some awkward past/present tenses use here. Again, like with dialogue punctuation rules I struggle a lot with that too particularly trying to avoid past tense pitfalls when writing in present-tense. Here's my rewritten take on one of your paragraphs.

>The ghastly appearance however did not last as the figure breathed the cold air that surrounds it. Its flesh begins to grow in an unceremonious fashion. The skin regains color as its veins start to regenerate, its muscles connecting and growing to connect the lack of flesh. Skin fills the missing spots of the body where bone was once exposed. By the end of the inhuman spectacle, the otherwise corpse looked no different from a healthy athletic man, and a fair looking one at that. Where there were faulty lines that could be barely called hair, a short curly black one could be seen crowning a youthful-looking face with the lack of facial hair contrasting against thick eyebrows. The missing eye having now returned, paired with the left one in their amber color. He looked no different from a young, strong lad with no more than a quarter-century to his name, yet if he had any emotion running in its mind, his face did not betray it.

[Anonymous No.16587862]

>>16587846
I see, very interesting, there were some fucked up formatting thanks to pastebin not putting in the italics, but I understand the feedback

I will adopt it when writing it
And I liked it your version of that paragraph, it was really not an easy one to word correctly

[Anonymous No.16587878]

>>16587846
Bottom line is; don't be afraid to throw your chapter into Grammarly. My personal method is Grammarly first—Grammarly in one monitor and the document on the other and just fix all the problems that comes up. I think Grammarly browser updated recently so it actually shows premium-choicesfor free now(but you have to figure out whats wrong still). then I upload that document to Google Docs and edit all the things that Grammarly misses, which is usually a lot.

Although Grammarly is good, it's not as ideal for fiction, it might recommend stiff stuff to you that makes no sense (google does this too, particularly Brit Eng and American English) but you would be surprised at how useful they are. Sometimes both give suggestions, other times you have to tell it to fuck off with some choices. Good luck anon, make sure to post the link when it's approved.

[Anonymous No.16587903]

>>16587878
I think grammarly is a good call, english is not my first language so it should help a lot with the more nuanced side of things.
Thanks anon

[Anonymous No.16587919]

>>16587738
I like it even though the grammar is weird at times. Would follow

[Anonymous No.16587979]

screamed at the top of heaving lungs “here I am, love me”! but it echoed off of selfish hearts and in my desperation instead I heard a thousand “I love yous” reverberating back and I thought the world was kind. So in a dance of life and loneliness, my world spun through blank faces wondering if they hid a soul I could know . And every glance felt meaningfully seen because I was sure in my knowingness of what I heard. But what seeping despair, what lies, what thoughtless world! And as the cold replaced the softness of the great I felt slowing through me, I ran to find warmth again. But I found only myself. Cold and raw and selfish. And the carnage of the world around me gasping for air that I stole for myself. And all I could think was “love me”.

[Anonymous No.16588253]

I'm a homosexual. The fags of today will do well to remember what America thinks of you. They think you're a malformed pervert, incapable of love, fueled only by anti Christian communist values. In some states they would rather see you fucked by a horse than fucked by a man. In 17 states bestiality is legal, has been legal. In those same 17 states, until the 1990's it was illegal to fuck men. Gross offence, sodemy, homosexuality. Call it your fancy names. I call it: "Try and touch me and I'll firebomb your fucking office."

Electro shock therapy is still used in conversation treatments.

I repeat, electro shock therapy is used in conversation therapy.
You're a real fagget if you can hear that and not be overcome with the urge to shoot up the places that do it.

I saw a twink dancing through time square. Only a thong on, body covered in oil. In each hand he held a dildo. In each orifice he held a plug of some kind. He spun around, his pink feather boa making wide sweeps. Hitting the normies on the street across their faces. They sneer at him, but hold their tongues.
"You're being used." I want to tell him. "Your blue authoritarian overlords are using your gay pride to turn public opinion against you! They're going to burn you at a stake and call you Sodem!"
I'd be labeled a right wing, uncle tom, kike loving, faschist, trump fucker, if I did that. I still my tongue. When the revolution comes I will hand that man a rifle, after fucking him of course, he will take the gun and fight for his freedom. His feather boa waving in the wind. Flowing like a banner with the recoil of his M16A4. He won't even know what he's fighting for except his right to be gay. That is the plight of the young fags. They aren't comfortable with their desires so they try to make other people uncomfortable with it. Showing it off in public; bringing it up quicker than an Iron man in Old school runescape. This ellicits eye rolls from people like me and sneers from normies. Making it worse are people like him. Online circle jerks that celebrate this behavior.
Granted. I am in a circle jerk right now. Everyone is. You have a phone. You can build your own world view.


God there is so much I need to improve on but I can't put my finger on it.

[Anonymous No.16588264]

How do I name my characters?

[Anonymous No.16588287]

>>16588264
Take their role and put it backwards or change one letter.
Hero=Hiro
Guard=Druag

Or a pun.
Misfortune. Sir. Tif Ication.


Or you can name them after Bible characters like a normie.

[Anonymous No.16588324]

>>16588264
Just get retarded with it

[Anonymous No.16588343]

>>16588264
Go full retarded
I looked a list of cities in spain, then changed the order of letters in order to name a city one time

[Anonymous No.16588370]

>>16588264
I use this site and just fuck around until I find something I like. There's hundreds of generators on it

https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/

[Anonymous No.16588380]

>>16588264
Unless you are tolkien reborn, you won't be giving them very original names with meanings.
So just go ahead and pull it out of your ass

[Anonymous No.16588408]

>>16587979
poetic, I like it

[Anonymous No.16588432]

[Anonymous No.16588763]

90+ pages written in Blackula

[Anonymous No.16588817]

>>16588432
I think it looks cool, but how exactly is this writing related?

>>16588763
You're a mad man

[Anonymous No.16588859]

>>16588817
Writing and visual art are often related. If you figure out how to read the .gif comments you will see a rather long title that is also a kind of super short story. I usually write stuff but have been getting into this new style of visual art using GIMPs straight-line drawing function, which is just holding down the shift key and connecting two points by clicking your mouse. This is really new to me and really fun. Sorry if I trigger your autism.

[Anonymous No.16589012]

>>16588763
Reading your updates in this thread is one of the best parts of my day

[Anonymous No.16589128]

>>16588817
>>16589012
thanks, I'll let you all know when I put it up for free on Amazon's Select program

The original novel was so fucking boring once it's no longer about Johnaton. I read through ~10 chapters about 3 simps worshipping Lucy and some guy who eats spiders. I think that weird guy became the prototype for the Ignor character in the modern Frankenstein movies. In Blackula, I'm going to make Lucy single and get rid of her beta orbiters and the guy who eats insects. Going to skip straight to Lucy turning into a vampire.

I'm also disappointed by Van Helsing. He's old and isn't an action hero, not like his movie counterpart

[Anonymous No.16589143]

>>16583116
If you didn't get it by now, you're not good enough to even acknowledge. I'm the same as you. Rejected twice now without a word.

[Anonymous No.16589151]

In Dracula, the ship's employees are Russians.

In Blackula, the ship's employees are black Russians. I came up with their surnames by looking up a list of common Russian surnames. I came up with their first names by looking up the players on the New England Patriots

[Anonymous No.16589182]

>>16589128
Van Helsing was always one of the most disappointing parts of the novel. Mostly because adaptions over the years have turned him into a giga-chad vampire hunter

[Anonymous No.16589194]

/wg/, I'm writing an isekai and one of my characters grew up in a mysterious institute that turns out to be a special ed school with nothing to do with the ongoing mystery

The first part of that isn't changing, but I'm starting to second-guess the second. On one hand it's extremely cliche and unoriginal. On the other hand I want one book in the series to focus on the characters returning from the magical world after years of a completely different lifestyle, and I feel like the institute would be a perfect mystery to build around. On top of that, there's two characters I want to fit into he story who I want to connect to it in some way

[Anonymous No.16589241]

>>16589194
>turns out the girl who can bend spoons just uses pure pepeg strength

[Anonymous No.16589275]

>>16589194
Sounds alright. You better be posting it to RR

[Anonymous No.16589276]

>>16589241
actually it's a school for autists rather than a school for retards, and it's based on a real place. Originally my intent was they just treated the students like retards or tested medications on them, but now I'm trying to figure out if I can do something more mysterious with it.

The problem is figuring out a way to make the place exploitative of their altered mental state without the individual students knowing something weird is going on

[Anonymous No.16589288]

>>16586968

Hah, nice try! My first dialogue comes after 10 pages! Fkn casuals...
(You know im kiddin, right? But only about the casuals part...)

[Anonymous No.16589303]

>>16587176

Its ”writing general” as in thoughts and feels about writing, not ”writing general” as in whatever this fucktard believes it to be. You just pointed out that there’s a difference between /crit/ and /wg/ so why bother with the statistics?
Delet yourself fag.

[Anonymous No.16589304]

>>16589241
What's pepeg

[Anonymous No.16589324]

Somebody needs to make a new thread, and it ain't gonna be me

[Anonymous No.16589345]

>>16589276
Sounds neat, make sure you are managing social status within the school's universe carefully, how the administration has affected stigmas, both ones that aren't common and ones that are usually present in other schools

[Anonymous No.16589346]

>>16589324
Who ever makes the new thread can use this picture if they want. I'm a phone posting peasant so I can't do it myself

[Anonymous No.16589352]

>>16589346
Or this picture

[Anonymous No.16589539]

>>16586630
>"I didn't like it, but I can't explain why."
I explained the main reasons why I didn't like it.

As to why the prose is awkward, I'd have to do a line-by-line analysis to actually show you the word choices and phrasings that make it so, and I don't have the time or the energy for that. I thought the sample I posted would give you a rough impression on this.

>Really I wanted him to come off as someone fully subjugated by the law
Many authors, Kafka and Dostoevsky, for example, have written this kind of protagonists and their characters never come across as the kind of wet socks as your MC. It's not about quips and swashbuckling. It's about having humanity. All you told me about your character is that he's really, really scared and confused. Ok. To begin with, you shouldn't be telling me that. Just show what's going on, and let me experience the emotion alongside the character. If you really must tell it to me, at least do it in a fresh way. I've read the Lovecraft collection and saw "I was filled by dread" a thousand times. You're not Lovecraft, man, you need to get to the next level.

Honestly, it's on the border of competence, with some intriguing imagery. It's just missing the meat.

[Anonymous No.16589565]

Screws loose, my mind is an engine without brakes. Say the wrong words, I keep thinking all the wrong things, but this world I see is not as bright as the one I am used to. Colors are more dull. I swear I don’t see the sun burn as bright. Maybe I’m in the winter of my conscious life. Is this all there was? Did I hit my head too hard? I have had too many drunken nights. My nerves don’t reveal the right circuits, the glue has come undone. I listen, but I don’t process. I lose things. The words and ideas fly off the track and crash into the dark ocean of the unconscious. Everything is gay. Everything is stupid. I rage and I rage. I fuck things up. I spill the barbecue sauce on my gray shirt. I piss and the yellow runs down my pant leg. I can’t seem to walk without a trip to my knees. My balance is off. I get my paycheck and I can’t seem to see how all the numbers add up. I’m retarded. I’m stupid. Life is finally not lazy and I’m too drained to see clearly. Ocean mist to keep me alive, I drink that black milk of daybreak. Coffee time does not sharpen the track. Sleep doesn’t seem to clear the debris on the road of mind. Instead, the heart thump of panic wakes me up to the immediate now, making the past or future impossible. I humiliate myself, I’m a drunk. I am drunk and I am stupid, but I am strong. People despise me, because I can slip out of the slightest restraints. No one else can seem to untie the binds, but instead content themselves with the rope slack of so called public acceptance. They can only agree that they themselves are okay, when others tell them so. So where is my release? If I can’t see myself in the mirror as clearly as others see me, then who the hell am I to tell myself that I am okay? Writing this has been dropping a rock into a well, it has finally struck the bottom, so I can finally tell myself that yes, I am okay.

[Anonymous No.16590225]

>>16589565
I've seen this kind of emo prose-poetry on those personal journal sites like Livejournal and Tumblr

[Anonymous No.16590269]

Before a new thread is made, is there anyone still here who has something in the thread or elsewhere that they would like a critique for? I don't want to spend time work-shopping something if it disappears with the thread and the author doesn't get to see it.

[Anonymous No.16590321]

>>16590269
The last thread gets linked in the new thread, so theoretically anyway, people will critique the stragglers

[Anonymous No.16590413]

>tfw I received the highest score in the class on my short story

[Anonymous No.16590475]

>>16590413
Congrats Avon, I'm proud of you

[Anonymous No.16590477]

>>16590413
what was the story about

[Anonymous No.16590565]

New crit thread
>>16590553

[Anonymous No.16590619]

>>16590565
Boo someone start a /wg/ thread