English class horror stories

[Anonymous No.1656378]

>AP English Lit
>Kid thinks the ambiguities in Hamlet are proof that Shakespeare was a bad writer
>"A good writer wouldn't have left those questions unanswered."
>Fucking future engineering majors, thinking everything must have a right or wrong answer

[Anonymous No.1656392]

I always raged on the inside when I heard how a kid just used Sparknotes for the whole year. So many good books that they missed out on.

[Anonymous No.1656402]

"Why didn't Homer write The Odyssey in English, so people could understand it?"

[Anonymous No.1656404]

>AP English Lit

You mean naptime?

[Anonymous No.1656424]

>Reading The Crucible (or anything, for that matter)
>Girl can't fucking read
>She's in 10th grade

God dammit.

[Anonymous No.1656445]

> 2000-Level American Lit Class
> Prof is Black Female who hates White Males
> I happen to be a white male
> All books that we read are written by oppressed black females
> All dialogue in class is about how black females are oppressed
> Every white male in the class makes a C or fails except one
> I ask him how the fuck he made an A
> He explains that, "Every chance I possibly had in my paper, I simply denounced every aspect of being a white male"
> College.jpg

[Anonymous No.1656452]

>any highschool english class
>any book we're going to read
>"Okay class, we're going to take turns reading aloud."
>whythefuckwouldyoudothat.jpg

I usually finished the books in a few days, because come the fuck on. The Lord of the Flies is a good book and it isn't that fucking long. We don't need to spend two goddamned months listen to Paul fucking stutter for half an hour before someone without mental defects reads.

[Anonymous No.1656472]

>>1656392
I had a friend like that. The one book he read all year was The Great Gatsby.

At least he had good taste.

[Anonymous No.1656488]

>>1656452
this! Fucking seriously. We spent over a month reading Of Mice and Men, for fucking 8th graders guys, you're 18 fucking fuck.

[Henry McCarty !Gl2oEPzmZc No.1656501]

>at uni
>professor doesn't like shakespeare
>tells whole class his dislike for shakespeare
>says its because the deciding actions that make for, say, 'tragedy' are always actions done in a way that is incongruous with what most people would do in that situation

>time passes, now to future pass

>same professor, in different lecture, says that he doesn't like 'wit' and that he thinks it is banal
>i raise my hand
>ask him 'oh is that why you don't like shakespeare?'

[Anonymous No.1656511]

>>1656501
What does he like, then? I'd like to meet him. He sounds like someone who would go on a safari with me.

[Henry McCarty !Gl2oEPzmZc No.1656522]

>>1656511
well, to be honest, i did end up reading a lot of stuff in his class that i found very enjoyable.

i'm assuming he liked those things because he chose to have us read them. i might be able to scrounge up a list for you, if you would like, or failing that i can go from memory.

[Anonymous No.1656530]

fuk shaekspeare wtf who writes like that who can understand it ??? "verily" lol wat the fack is this

[Anonymous No.1656540]

>>1656522
Eh, I was just joking. Everyone has their tastes. I like Dostoevsky way more than I should for my actual understanding of what I read. Half of the enjoyment is the way he portrays Russian society, and the other half involves me musing over how well his works would translate into Visual Novels or something.

When I read Shakespeare in High School, I really enjoyed Othello. The decisions which cause "tragedy" can be unbelievable, but I appreciated Iago's capacity for trolling everyone, and just focused on that.

Thanks for making me remember... I haven't thought about that in quite some time.

[Henry McCarty !Gl2oEPzmZc No.1656582]

>>1656540
ok well, since you got me thinking of it anyway, i would like to suggest some j.g. ballard.

if, of course, you haven't had the pleasure before already.

[Anonymous No.1656587]

>>1656445

aww did somebody's white privilege get questioned? u_u

[Anonymous No.1656598]

>>1656587

Nah, it's more of an illustration that the majority of college Lit classes are completely subjective and require you to do things and agree to theories that you wouldn't normally otherwise simply to please the prof for a good grade.

I mean how the hell do you think I made it through grad school? You think I actually believed all that shit? Hmm, reading my papers you might think so! College is a game more than anything - funny part is the rules aren't posted anywhere. You get to learn them as you go.

[ZiggyMeister !THUCK2SfO2 No.1656601]

>Reading Pierre de Ronsard as a sophomore. >Teacher mentions that the image of the rose symbolizes beauty and virginity and that Ronsard is trying to convince the young woman to whom the poem was addressed to sleep with him.
>Rat-faced lesbian wearing overalls and sporting a thicker mustache than I had at the time spouts feminist theory for the last 30 minutes of class.
>The (female) teacher fails the lesbian.
>I use this poem to fuck an easily amazed American tourist.

>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

[Anonymous No.1656607]

>>1656598

In theory the point of a college class is to prove that you have a fundamental understanding of what the teacher is trying to tell you (I'm assuming the class was Women's Lit) and theoretically you could prove that by disagreeing with everything she says in a logical and thoughtful manner.

Of course, this hinges on your teacher being a not insane non-douche.

[Anonymous No.1656626]

>fucking future english majors, thinking questions without true or false answers are legitimate questions

[Anonymous No.1656636]

>>1656607 Of course, this hinges on your teacher being a not insane non-douche.

Yeah, that was generally the problem with this prof...

Funny story - I was in Senior Seminar during my last semester with one of the coolest profs. Someone in the class asks, "I mean, what is tenure really?" And I just blurted out, "It's what lets Dr. Thompson keep her job while being a racist." The prof who was teaching the class just laughed their ass off.

[Anonymous No.1656638]

>Read "A Day No Pigs Would Die" in 9th grade.
>Fucking hated that book, and every books after except The Hobbit, which I had already read a million times.
>Teacher was a massive cunt.
>Replaced by a substitue halfway through due to pregnancy as we were reading The Hobbit.
>Assignment: do a report on Gandalf.
>Easily write it. Having read LotR, I also talk about added things like how he's a Maiar and such, to show how much I like LotR and admittedly maybe impress her a little.
>"NO, THAT'S NOT IN THE HOBBIT AND NO ONE CARES, YOU FAIL."
>FFFFUUUUU.jpg

[ZiggyMeister !THUCK2SfO2 No.1656642]

>>1656636
brofist.

[Ragade No.1656680]

>>1656445
>>1656378
Some questions without answers matter (why we are?, can everyone be happy?, etc.) but most don't matter.
Also:
Professor failing you for disagreeing?
This is why I'm an Engineering major. I may enjoy reading books, and occasionally reading other's interpretations analysis, but does discourse over a literary work really warrant failure?
Anyway,
>>1656598
If you have to bend yourself over to get through gradschool, don't you see a problem with whatever your focus was/is, or at least the program you were in)?

[Anonymous No.1656683]

>>1656638
LOL you son, area a faggot!

[Anonymous No.1656742]

>>1656683

Fuck you asshole, he wrote about Gandalf. He's alpha as fuck in my book.

[Anonymous No.1656751]

>English 101-Honors
>Expect to read some books or something like Catcher in the Rye
>BAIT N SWITCH
>gook bitch from India teaching it, class is now Asian American studies
>Every Assignment: "Write about how white people are racist and Asian Americans are discriminated against."

What the fuck people.

Then:
>I am the best student in the class
>Get an A-
>I'm white, too

What the fuck gives. Why are all English teachers such fucking faggots?

It's a fact. Every English teacher I have ever met has been a mean, petulant bitch. Same for English majors. Are people born English majors/teachers, or do they fucking become that way?

[Anonymous No.1656758]

>Watch Magnolia in AP Lit
>Teacher leaves the room for a bit
>Comes back during Tom Cruise interview scene
>"Did Philip Seymour Hoffman's character commit suicide yet?
>Class freaks out, ultra-pissed
>teacher trollface

[Anonymous No.1656763]

>>1656680
English literature as a study is subjective but it isn't opinion. You are arguing a position with your papers. This requires the application of logic to evidence. Literary scholars and critics do this in a very similar way to lawyers arguing cases. You set up circumstance (cultural, historical, and biographical background) and motive (philosophy) and you tie it to hard facts (parts of the text.)

[Anonymous No.1656773]

>>1656751

waaagh stop making me confront the core of imperialist being!

[Ragade No.1656782]

>>1656763
Which is completely awesome. My short, two year experience with Parli and CX debate gave me a lot of respect for lawyers and people that can logically analyze/argue, BUT
that does not impede my argument, there most certainly still is a problem with a school if you have to simply conform to (apparently several) professor's opinions just to pass. Conforming does not lead to good argument making skills.

[Anonymous No.1656786]

>>1656773
butthurt nigger detected

[Anonymous No.1656792]

not exactly on topic but

>in law school
>girl said she majored in English Lit
>discuss favorite stuff
>tell her Shakespeare blew me away
>she accuses him of being a hack
>lol so edgy XXD he's teh plagiarizer
>he borrowed general plot outlines, but the prose and its specific content is his original contribution
>take Copyright law, and learn that I'm absolutely correct, borrowing general plot points is meaningless when it comes to assessing originality

[Anonymous No.1656794]

>>1656782
Whoops, didn't read the post completely. I just went full retard. You're completely right. That professor is terrible.

[♥onionring♥ !Rrxa7zePwI No.1656798]

>>1656792
>taking law as basis for correctness in anything

[Anonymous No.1656800]

My face when I'm an engineer that appreciates ambiguities in literature.

My face when I can appreciate art yet also have marketable skills.

[Anonymous No.1656809]

>>1656798

I thought that may be inferred from my post, but that's I didn't intend to assert that it's correct because copyright law deems it so. I meant that it's stupid to dismiss brilliant prose because the author borrowed events that many people could think of easily. Copyright law happens to acknowledge this, which is good, obviously.

[Ragade No.1656817]

>>1656800
You're a rare breed.
Rarer, dare I say, that sociable CS majors.

>>1656798
Enforceable correctness is most definitely a legal one.

[♥onionring♥ !Rrxa7zePwI No.1656816]

>>1656809
okay

[♥onionring♥ !Rrxa7zePwI No.1656820]

>>1656817
>Enforceable correctness is most definitely a legal one.

this one has gone off the deep end

[Anonymous No.1656826]

>>1656378
I'm an engineering major and hate it when people pigeon hole an answer. I got a very laid back world view though.

[Anonymous No.1656827]

>>1656817
So which tripfag are you, exactly?

[Anonymous No.1656837]

>>1656817
>Enforceable correctness is most definitely a legal one

wat???

[Anonymous No.1656846]

Sounds like everyone in this thread went to a shitty college.

Also:
> AP American Lit Junior year of High School
>Read Billy Budd.
>Assignment is to write a paper on whether The Captain's decision to hang Billy was moral, immoral or amoral so we discuss it for one class
>Some kid I didn't like was the first to take the "immoral" stance. So I immediately take the "amoral" stance.
>Proceed to convince half of the class to turn in papers that it was an "amoral" decision.
>As he is handing back the papers, the teacher tells us that in the 25 years he's been teaching the class, nobody has ever taken any stance but "immoral"

>never read the story

I need to learn to use my powers for good.

[Anonymous No.1656864]

>2nd year in University, doing a unit on Franz Kafka
>In another unit's class and overhear a couple of girls behind me talking about the Franz Kafka unit.
>"Oh, I hate this guy, it's so WEIRD, like, the Metamorphosis, I just don't get it"
>"I know right! And the professor is so weird, he like, sexualises everything and reads way too much into it. It's just a small story..."
>"Yeah, this is why I hate literature classes!"

Fuck... I don't know how people can truly enjoy literature when you read it simply by the surface.

[Anonymous No.1656887]

>>1656864

THE SURFACE IS ALL THERE IS

FFS

STOP

INTERPRETING

THINGS

IT'S NOT SYMBOLISM

THERE'S SO MUCH MORE YOU CAN DO WITH IT THAN THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT 'X REALLY MEANS Y' FAGGOTRY

THREE YEARS OF UNI I'VE HAD TO PUT UP WITH IT

[Anonymous No.1656890]

>>1656887
Considering that, for instance, Hemingway said 7/8ths of a text should remain hidden - I'm going to have to disagree with you.
You may need to think harder in the future next time you read hard literature.

[Anonymous No.1656896]

>>1656890

Hemingway is not all authors.

[Anonymous No.1656899]

>>1656896
Which is why I wrote "for instance".
Honestly I don't even see how this is debatable on a /lit/ board.

[Anonymous No.1656908]

>>1656887
The surface is all there is, but the surface isn't always seen the same way.

[Anonymous No.1656911]

>>1656899

Interpretations which do not take authorial intent into account should not present themselves as facts.

[Anonymous No.1656917]

>>1656911
Hi, you seem to be new to literary criticism, I suggest you read Roland Barthes essay "Death of the Author".

[Anonymous No.1656922]

>>1656445

>2000-level class

It gets better once you start taking classes in the upper division, and also, AML classes are usually the worst. Try something with an ENL or LIT designation instead.

[Anonymous No.1656923]

>>1656911
There are no facts there are only interpretations

[Anonymous No.1656926]

>>1656817

That robe makes you look like a terrorist

[Anonymous No.1656935]

Benjamin doesn't consider it at all useful or necessary to relate Kafka's work to a 'structure' with performed formal oppositions and a sifnifier of the kind in which "after all is said and done x refers to y"! Not at all. The reading of Kafka in both Benjamin and Deleuze and Guattari is determined by the prominence they give to a politics of Kafka; but as they go on to articulate, this politics is "neither imaginary nor symbolic."

Benjamin was one of the first "readers" of Kafka to see and then try to show that Kafka's work was, from a certain point of view, to be taken literally: in a word, that it functioned on the surface of its signs and that the issue was not - at least, not only - to try to interpret it but, above all, to practice it as an experimental machine, a machine for effects, as in physics.

By proposing the concept of "minor literature", Deleuze and Guattari give the modern reader a means by which to enter Kafka's work without being weighed down by the old categories of genres, types, modes, and style (in the "linguistic" sense of the term, as Barthes would say). These categories woudl imply that the reader's task is at bottom to 'interpret' Kafka's writing, whether the interpretation take the form of parabolism, negative thelogy, allegory, symbolism, "correspondences," and so on.

In reading this short but very dense book, we find, in place of infinite exegesis, a reading of Kafka's work that is practical.

[Anonymous No.1656941]

>>1656923

There is a class of interpretations called facts. They form history and science. Kafka did not write Metamorphosis as some sort of sexual metaphor. It is not a sexual metaphor. Fact.

[Anonymous No.1656959]

>>1656941

how can something not be a sexual metaphor?

[Anonymous No.1656971]

>>1656941
You can redefine "facts" that way if you please, but then they are not favorable to other interpretations, and they are not what is.

[Anonymous No.1656973]

>>1656941
Where did you get the idea that the entirety of The Metamorphosis is a sexual metaphor?
Nobody here has stated that.
There are, however, strong sexual themes within it.

[Anonymous No.1656977]

>>1656959

It is not a sexual metaphor if it is not uttered as a sexual metaphor.

[Anonymous No.1656979]

>>1656973
Herp a de derp a de derpa derp deer-er-er-er-errr-rurp!

[Anonymous No.1656981]

>>1656977
And whether or not it's uttered as a sexual metaphor depends on the reader's interpretation.

[Anonymous No.1656984]

>>1656979
Are you suggesting that there are no sexual themes within The Metamorphosis?
Rather than post image macros, perhaps you would actually care to engage in discussion on a /lit/ board.

[Anonymous No.1656989]

>>1656984
If you look for anything, anywhere, long enough, you find it.

I could write conjure any stupid shit and prove it by my "findings." I could write a compelling essay about how Hemingway was a male feminist writer and that most of his work was satiric portrayals of gender lines.

Big fat fucking deal.

or

Derpadederpderpderppppppppppppp-perp.

[Anonymous No.1656995]

>>1656751
>implying Asian Americans aren't discriminated against

http://mjperry.blogspot.com/2010/06/medical-school-acceptance-rates-2007.html

[Anonymous No.1656997]

>>1656989
You seem kind of angry... Not sure why...

So I'll try to interpret what you just said that "No, there are no sexual themes within the Metamorphosis, you are just looking too hard!".

I suggest you re-read it.
Pay close attention to some of the details and allusions made.
I'd give you a short list, but I don't think you care enough and would rather stick to your "Hey, we need to read everything literally, there is nothing I can miss!" attitude.

[Anonymous No.1657000]

>>1656971

Facts are a different category of interpretation. They are the type of interpretation which can be evaluated as true or false and this is the only requirement for a fact. Facts are not necessarily favorable to other interpretations.

[Anonymous No.1657001]

>>1656989
>I could write a compelling essay about how Hemingway was a male feminist writer and that most of his work was satiric portrayals of gender lines.
This could actually be interesting, though

[Anonymous No.1657004]

>>1657001
That's the point. I could go through all his books again, looking for evidence and I'd actually fucking find it.

It's a laugh. It's a shit. It's a shit while laughing.

[Anonymous No.1657005]

>>1657000
Nothing can be evaluated as true or false. There is no truth, there is only perception.

[Anonymous No.1657007]

>>1656981

No, it depends on the intent behind Kafka's expression and the words on the page. The reader doesn't make the utterance.

[Anonymous No.1657009]

>>1657007
We can never know Kafka's intent man, sorry

[Anonymous No.1657011]

>>1657007
Just look at this post.

I'm laughing.

[Anonymous No.1657015]

>>1657005

There are facts. It is raining iff it is raining. 2+2=4.

>>1657009

And we can never know if the sun will rise tomorrow.

[Anonymous No.1657025]

>>1656378 >just disregard all the wit and cleverness
Being unambiguious is definitely not the main goal of creative writing

[Anonymous No.1657027]

>>1657015

I meant "it is raining" as the fact. The prop is true if it is indeed raining.

[Anonymous No.1657029]

>>1657027
Rain is a subjective experience.

[Anonymous No.1657038]

>>1657007

i am sorry but the raging boner i got from reading the metamorphosis says otherwise

[Anonymous No.1657040]

>>1657029

And it is raining iff it is raining. "It is raining" means something quite definite even though the experience of rain is subjective.

[Anonymous No.1657043]

>>1657038

Did your boner travel back and time and write the book?

[Anonymous No.1657054]

>>1657040
>"It is raining" means something quite definite
No it doesn't

[Anonymous No.1657058]

>>1657054

Yes it does.

[Anonymous No.1657059]

>>1657058
It clearly doesn't.

[Anonymous No.1657060]

>>1657054
>You: But judge, how can one even DEFINE rape? This idea of consensual versus non-consensual. How can we ever really give consent, what does it mean to be informed? There's no such thing as objective truths, so in a sense, we're all just learning lies. Er go, we are all equally informed and misinformed.
>Judge: You're still going to jail.

>yfw when no one in the real world cares

[Anonymous No.1657065]

>>1657060
>You: But judge, how can one even DEFINE rape? This idea of consensual versus non-consensual. How can we ever really give consent, what does it mean to be informed? There's no such thing as objective truths, so in a sense, we're all just learning lies. Er go, we are all equally informed and misinformed.
>Judge: You're still going to jail.
Irrelevant
>yfw when no one in the real world cares
1. some do
2. there is no real world

[Anonymous No.1657069]

>>1657060
Court decisions depend on interpretation of a case, not what actually happened

[Anonymous No.1657070]

>>1657043

how bold to compare the act of writing with an ordinary ejaculation

[Anonymous No.1657075]

>>1657059
>>1657065

We name something rain. We name something the real world. We name something fact.

A sentence is a string of names. A sentence says what it names.

[Anonymous No.1657080]

>>1657075
And these are all very nebulous things without clear definition

[Anonymous No.1657089]

>>1657080

Those words can mean a multitude of things, but when used they mean something specific.

[Anonymous No.1657095]

>>1657069
I posted the green text above about the girl in law school who accused Shakespeare of being a hack.

Legal decisions usually depend on facts heavily. The effects of law are only triggered by particular sets of facts.

[Anonymous No.1657260]

>AP English Lit
>Reading Merchant of Venice
>Antonio and Bassanio hug
>Every male (aside from myself) in class: "lol so they're gay right?"

That whole fucking year, any sign of male bonding regardless of context was evidence of homosexuality.

Fuck Freudianism.

[Anonymous No.1657266]

Yeah I get some Engineering majors in my Anthropology classes.
I am all for designing better houses and bridges and all that wonderful things, but when observing other cultures you can't do that.

[Anonymous No.1657269]

>Senior year
>School is full of over-privileged white kids
>Reading "Things Fall Apart" for AP
>Eventually have to do an essay question on the test for it
>Come in on the day we are getting them back
>Teacher: "I can tell when some of you haven't read the entire book, someone wrote about how the white people were correct"