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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature


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16463811 No.16463811 [Reply] [Original]

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zR6FcM_wHg4

>> No.16463862

My major is computer systems but I'm starting to regret not majoring in mathematics

>> No.16463902

I wonder how telepathic people feel? Gotta suck having your head filled with other peoples thoughts. Hopefully they can turn it on and off or control whose thoughts theyre reading.

>> No.16463911

>https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/news/articles/china-covid-lockdown-propaganda

>> No.16463921

>>16463811
Don't really feel like sharing

>> No.16463950

I'm taking a medication that gives me auditory, tactile, and sometimes visual hallucinations before I fall asleep. Worst of all it gives me sleep paralysis, so I can't wake up from this half-dream state. It's honestly terrifying. Sometimes I will sense a shadowy figure creeping around my room, pressing itself and sometimes touching my body. I hear footsteps everywhere. This onetime I heard what sounded like a festival of ghosts happening in the empty room next to me. One time I heard what seemed like the soundtrack to the battle of Stalingrad. Deafening explosions, the bark of gunfire, the clanking of machinery, officers yelling orders and a near constant chorus of blood-curdling death rattles and anguished cries that is difficult to believe.
It's kind of cool, but it's really stupid that people actually consider something that can do this to someone's mind "medicine."

>> No.16464138
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16464138

On the night of September 25th I dreamt of Madison and Chris. The appearance of Chris isn’t so bizarre; either this month or last marks his birthday. I sent him no celebratory note (as I still do with Maya), partially out of lazy-and-or-forgetful-ness and also because he would probably feel less guilty hearing from me. This is likely a projection of my feelings towards Stephen upon my friendship with Chris but even if so, does it matter?
In that dream world, Chris had a significant other. That isn’t so alien even though he had no one in the year I knew him. She was tall and raven-haired; not Julia, the girl of his desires but someone good for him. Someone who finds me obnoxious; I’m aware of the latter because she has appeared in past dreams where there was contention. Even so, I would be okay with that if Chris was happy. He deserves happiness and I will forever feel regret for always bothering him.
I find myself tempted now to write to him but I know how distracted I’d be if Stephen did the same out of the blue.
I guess I should talk about the dream; Chris was preoccupied and left me alone with Madison. I felt like I was waiting for my father to return; Madison and I were discussing my failures with a friend she’d set me up with, her playing the wingman role. Suddenly there was a profession of affection from both parties; we embraced and understood that we wanted each other. She removed all her clothes and she laughed when I pulled her to me from behind, my loins against hers. I felt lust but also contentment; we didn’t have sex. I should mention that I’m a virgin but have had sex dreams every so often.
Dad arrived almost immediately and knocked on the door. I’m not sure where we were, maybe a high end single-wide trailer. When he came in I think he noticed Madison redressing; this gave me a feeling of pride and I think he would approve of her; the dream ended soon after.
The analysis here I guess would start with the fact that I’ve probably never said two words to Madison in my life. I think she smiled at me once when there was a golf tourney and we passed each other in the clubhouse. Hell, I’ve probably spoken more to her mother, who was a substitute teacher at our high school. Now that I think about it, the last time I saw either of them was the first time I went out with my parents after returning from Chicago. I don’t think Madison recognized me but her mother quizzed me about my time away.
I spoke with my faux confidence, something I did often then and sometimes still do now but less often. I was hyper aware of Madison being present in the pew behind me and also of other people present that I knew. This was before I received treatment and medication but I think I was more or less lucid at the time. If I had to do it over, I’d probably say the same things I remember saying then.

>> No.16464217
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16464217

I'm starting to get burned out by the total control over thought that the media and silicon valley fags have. They collude to suppress stories, they editorialize, they suppress google results and social media trends, they fiddle with Trump's tweets just to rub it in your face that they control the medium and discourse. No matter where you go or what platform you use, you can feel them tinkering with it behind the scenes to rig the game in their favor, and then you watch the rubes line up to suck their cocks and let it continue.

I hate them so much. I don't give a fuck about Trump or partisan politics, I hate dishonesty, thought control, and smug oligarchs and metrosexual tech hipster millionaires thinking they ought to decide what the truth is. With their millions of sheltered interns from rich families with bachelor degrees from Brandeis and Duke, who think tranny twitter politics is a legitimate revolution.

>> No.16464239
File: 162 KB, 1878x846, 1594024854286.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16464239

Do you think he is still among us?

>> No.16464256 [DELETED] 

>>16464217
The thing that makes me so mad about that is they started banning covid "disinformation" off all their platforms, except that they would ban actual real information that showed covid was not dangerous, but left up literally 100s of thousands of Chinese bots spreading pro-lockdown messages. Sweden seems to be the only country on Earth the Chinese don't have their hooks into yet. Check out that Tablet mag article up the thread.

>> No.16464333

I sit at my writing/hobby desk (a roll top desk because it was inexpensive at the thrift shop) and dip my fountain pen into ink instead of filling it. I know I probably sound like a fag but it is fun to do it whilst journaling.

>> No.16464785
File: 56 KB, 1024x595, 1567710573136.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16464785

1. posting what are probably fake tax-returns is so fucking genius. What's he gonna do, refute them? lmao

2. still talking to a woman. I've taken a pretty hard autismo track: just writing a lot about exactly how I think about things. so far she is responding, but I suspect she will stop soon. if she can go along with my way of seeing things, she could be really nice, but I think probably in the end she can not. We'll see.

3. writing paper is going so and so. I have to write about marxism (scandi uni lmao), and marxism is such a hodgepodge of shit. Like, marxists claim every possible critique of any kind of business practice as their own. But I can't write about every conceivable business practice. I think the assignment is retarded. I basically said that marxism is not useful for analysing energy politics, because marxism is about class struggle and energy politics mostly is not. Maybe some minor applications here and there, but mostly ther are different things. Sure there are things you can say, maybe, but it shouldn't be core marxism. I suspect the professor will say "no, marxism is everything. F." but I can't think of anything else to write. other than that it is going ok, I'll probably pass.

>> No.16464796

>>16464239
Yes its me Mario !

>> No.16464800

>>16464785
like I think the prof wants me to say "energy politics is about capitalist innovation. marx said things about this", but in that case I can say "sitting in a chair is about capitalist production. therefore talking about chair is talking about marxism".

>> No.16464807
File: 186 KB, 897x1121, orangutan joven.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16464807

Why is it so hard to get my life in order?

>> No.16464818

Gyrating hips
Pointed, hard, aggressive nips.
This virus taketh away
The best part of my Saturday.
To be in a bar
Where the thots are...
Grinding up during the dance,
Once shot a load in my pants-
But poetry is too beautiful to waste on whores.

>> No.16464821

>>16464807
it's like boxing: sometimes the only thing to do is duck blows. the time will come

>> No.16464949

I know a lot of tautology jokes. My favorite tautology joke is my favorite tautology joke.

>> No.16464976

>>16464949
Can a single word be a tautology? I hear people say "over-exaggerate" a lot and I know they simply mean exaggerate. Really triggers my autism.

>> No.16465010

>>16464818
anon, anon, you're a hoot!

>> No.16465154

Look, I read your posts. I appreciate you trying to be honest, it's what I asked for, thus I owe you a reply. I'm sorry for calling you a whore. I know you're capable of great love and loyalty, I was only trying to get to you. My posts on an imageboard don't always necessarily reflect my true thoughts and motivations. As I'm sure you would know. Truth is, I don't want to be a part of this any longer nor do want you to be of use to me. You should stop relying on people so much. Also I'm not your friend nor I ever was. And please stop idolizing people so much, people are not "gods".

>> No.16465281

>>16464217
Silicon valley supports the GOP and trump dipshit.

>> No.16465339

>only get low paid jobs despite college degree
>don't even need a degree for this work, a monkey could do it
>literally cannot get a better job, been trying everything possible for years
>make $20/hr in a major city, live like a ghetto dweller
i'm so fucking tired of it. i did everything right, i did everything i was supposed to.

>> No.16465371

>>16465339
how many of this planet's 192 countries have you tried so far?

>> No.16465405

>>16463811
>smooth grey brain can only catch one reflection at a time

>> No.16465435

>>16465339
Most jobs are monkey tier really

>> No.16465546

My cat died today. It was 19 years old and every night it climbed on top of me and its pur helped me to sleep. While my mother is devasted I can only feel a foggy feeling of dread. Death is a natural part of life, and it's only a pet after all.

>> No.16465724

>>16463862
my major is mathematics but I'm starting to regret not majoring in computer systems

>> No.16465732

>>16465281
A minority of execs do, the majority are typical social media youth

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/06/technology/silicon-valley-politics.html

https://bigthink.com/videos/how-silicon-valley-went-from-conservative-to-anti-establishment-to-liberal

https://www.wsj.com/articles/bezos-bucks-the-bullies-1539818350

>It shouldn’t be news when an American CEO announces that he is willing to enter into lucrative contracts with the Department of Defense. But thanks to the rise of campus-style political activism among Silicon Valley employees, and the capitulation of executives, that is the new reality.

>> No.16465734

>>16463811
Is that dick proenneke? mighty based

>> No.16465760

>>16463811
I want nothing more than silence and labor, but I am consumed by hate of my own boring, grey lack of personality, and general weakness.

>> No.16466028

>>16465760
Sucks to be you tbqh familly

>> No.16466187

>be religious
>woman from before messages me
>tell her straight: I have now become chaste, and your companionship would prove a problem
>she asks questions
>explain that she can now only be either friend or wife, but that she is so beautiful that friend will be difficult, and to be a wife she must be religious
>leads to a long talk about spirituality
>she's basically new-agey but not dumb
>doesn't want to believe in hell
>ok.jpg
>says she doesn't want to be controlled
>explain that religion is relinquishing control
>still asking questions tho
is this how marriage begins? she's kinda crazy but she's great too in a way

>> No.16466344

>>16465546
When you have finished grieving, adopt an older cat anon
If you get a kitten you will live at your mothers for too long
I sure cato had a good owner

>> No.16466378
File: 290 KB, 785x1111, 9a790a3c88729b1ff9befd0b12ee7fff.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16466378

>>16463811
i began accumulating notes and highlights from all the books i've read from the past two months—and it's a fucking superpower. imagine having a distilled distillation of a book of already distilled knowledge combined with other distillations of already-distilled books from authors. imagine encountering an unknown scenario in your life, you flip through your personal-google notebook, and realize somebody experienced a similar scenario, and now, you have a light in a dark path. imagine that you want to create new ideas, so you look at your personal-google notebook, and combine several unrelated ideas, making those ideas have sex, and then producing a rather unique idea. imagine you want to write something, like a book or an essay, and instead of reading sources which could take hours upon hours and days upon days, you already of such sources with quotes and statistics readily available on command. imagine permanently getting rid of writers block because you have collected thousands of experiences from authors. imagine of having three libraries: one filled with all the books you have read, one filled with books you have not yet read, and one filled with notebooks of books you have read

i do see a problem with accumulating notes, and that it gives a feeling of gluttony and fake usefulness

>> No.16466474

>>16466187
What's the point of getting someone just to turn them into a some mindless drone? How can you even be attracted to such person?

>> No.16466480

Is "underclass" an offensive word within academia? I'm trying to use it in an application essay for grad school. I get the sense it could be taken in a negative context to suggest these groups are inherently inferior.

>> No.16466510

Just today I realized why I'm almost always depressed and rarely looking forward to things. Throughout my entire life, whenever something 'bad' would happen, my parents wouldn't say encouraging shit but would say something like "that's life", "get used to it", "you ain't seen half of it yet".
For instance, after getting into uni almost 8 years ago (which I somehow managed to finish with highest class honors) and getting disappointed by a certain professor's way of teaching, both of them said "there will be plenty of disappointment in the upcoming years. Get used to it, your professor's lack of interest is but a drop in the sea compared to what's in store."
Then when I got a job almost 3 years ago and told them how unexpectedly cold and detached some people were, I got more of the same - "you'll only meet worse people from here on out". I don't think I've ever heard the words "it will be better" uttered in this house. Or anything like "it has to get worse before it gets better". I always had this negativity in the back of my mind, always awaiting disappointment and every negative emotion out there while I'm generally a happy person. This realization hit me like a truck today, literally while I was out and about walking and taking in some fresh air. But strangely enough, I feel better. At least now I get it and I almost feel excited for tomorrow.
I don't think I'll wake up tired and sad tomorrow morning, I think I'll just brush off all the negative bullshit and strut around like a child.

>> No.16466523

In California, feel like I am losing my mind with this quarantine. Feels a little emasculating being stuck behind a computer, inside a house, smoke everywhere. Feel completely disconnected.

>> No.16466546

>>16466344
Thanks, anon. I guess you're right, the cat was a link with my childhood and family, and its ending made me realize that I need to follow my own path and probably move. I've just buried him. As his little body got covered by dirt I could finally understand those people who try to jump into the grave with their dead relatives. It was as if my mind denied that something that was always there won't be anymore. I don't fear dying now, but I fear other people's death.

>> No.16466561
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16466561

>>16466474
>unironically believeing that you are free

>> No.16466625

>>16466561
Define free.

>> No.16466671

>>16466523
California is fucked. It's not opening up anytime soon. The standards needed to reach the safest tier of yellow before reopening are LESS than 1 case in 100,000 tests.

>> No.16466676

>>16466671
>LESS than 1 case in 100,000 tests.
this is absurd, it is never going to happen

>> No.16466744

Am i being punished for something, why would i be born in the rotting corpse of europe like this?

>> No.16466745
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16466745

"What is man, what has he got?" It was a question that was roaming around freely in Andy K. Potters head for a while now. Not that he doubted his manlihood or was worried others did. Andy never really was the man to care about others anyway. But he did care about his wife and son. This morning just before he went to his little hideout in the snowy mountains she had said something. He was in the kitchen packing the absolute minimum to survive a weekend on his own. Some beef jerky, a sixpack, a bag of nuts. Every month or so Andy carved out a weekend like this. The wife had been upstairs washing junior when he heard her say it. Not overly angry, but still irritated as fuck: "You men are all the same, you'll grow up just like your father!" At the time he didnt think much of it, but the higher he drove his little truck up the mountains, the more the words haunted him. Wasn't his son supposed to grow up like him? Sure, it was a throw away remark, but aren't those the most honest? Andy sighted, opened up a beer and played a bit with the transistor radio. Even the machine had no answers for Andy other than white noise. He thought about his own father and the little time they spent together before he passed away last winter. Not that Andys dad was a bad man or anything, but still.. It had taken him a lot of effort to shed even a single tear during his funeral. Andy just didn't knew the guy that well.
"Ofcourse I'm all men", he said now to the snowy noisy world outside his cabin. Weren't all fathers? Especially for childeren as young as his one. That's why we never forget the names of our first teachers of our first real school no? Finally Andy understood the world again and he opened up another can. Next time he would take junior with him into the mountains. He would even start a big fight with his wife about it. The boy was old enough and just as much his responsibility as hers, he would argue. Yes, Andy would take his kid into the mountains and tell him about his father and the passed. He would answer questions. He would teach the kid about the importance of solitude every now and than. Andys son would grow up just like his father.

>> No.16466770

I’ve been sick for most of my adult life, and I’m starting to get tired of it. As soon as I go in for one surgery, something else pops up that requires another. To compensate, I’ve had to kill off parts of myself, which has left me cold and unfeeling. I’d like nothing more than to have a family of my own that loves me, but I don’t think that’s in the cards. But hey, people like my poetry, so there’s always that.

>> No.16467046

>>16466745
comfy pic. is it real? where is it?

>> No.16467055

>>16466770
u know what anon, someday soon you will realize what you were put on this earth for.

>> No.16467087

Maybe it would be selfish and even cruel for me to just sever the attachment after all of this. I get that you're somewhat.... conflicted. Though you would be wrong to assume that I want to take anything fast, I just don't like this.. state of full anonymity and confusion. Maybe you're only comfortable around your friends? There has to be some kind of middle ground here and I need you to help me find it.

>> No.16467279

Look, reply to my previous post with a solution. I'll check this thread untill it dies. After that, there would be nothing. The choice is all yours.

>> No.16467702

Recently I held onto the idea of relenquishing suffering. I was getting into Buddhism more and more, but now it seems as though I can't escape attatchment to things. If I give up attatchment to one object that attatchment goes on to something else, and then I worry about the past object. I guess doing more zazen would help, doing nothing so I dpn't have an attatchment to anything, but I like being attatched to objects. I enjoy reading, making music, playing games, relationships, thinking about how to live, and using this website. Maybe there is a later point within my existense where I outgrow the attatchment to attatchment, why do I and prrsumably others here have this attatchment when the suffering it causes is clearly apparent? As with most feelings this will pass, and all I can think about right now is how wrong I'm doing things. Going to school again, just working, working harder at music, taking writing more seriously all both feel like a wrong and right thing to do. I have the feeling of hemmerhoids growing more and more irritated typing this on the toilet at work. I had that last part planned, but my wtiting skills prove to be yoo mediocre to have donr anything better with it than simply mention it.

>> No.16467722
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16467722

>it's that time of the month when i watch videos of western cities prior to mass immigration ruining them again

so clean

so calm

nobody's pants down around their waist with their ass hanging out

>> No.16467814

>>16467722
The people you want to blame here are the capitalists for marketing this to people.

>> No.16467955
File: 520 KB, 950x1792, 3B450B4C-501F-428E-888C-0FED3D013F42.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16467955

A close family member of mine is close to death. I feel like I am going crazy because of it, grief has me acting very erratic and my actions confuse me. My only break is watching the salmon run upstream to lay their eggs before they die. I am thinking of this girl I work with frequently, which I think is due to the grief. She is cute and we talk a lot.


I need to turn towards the lord, that always makes me feel better.

>> No.16467971

>>16467055
I sure hope so, friend. I do believe writing is in some way that thing, but I'd like to find something a little less personal and self-gratifying if possible.

>> No.16467992
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16467992

>>16467814
Industrial capitalism existed for at least 100 years before the 1960s. The things that did not exist 100 years before the 1960s, however, include the Soviet Union, the pill, Vatican II, and the welfare state, among other things.

>> No.16468063

>>16467955
i lost an immediate family member many years ago, and a good friend two days ago. it’s not easy. my heart goes out to you. i will pray for you and if you need anyone to talk to, you can talk to me. i have been on-and-off crying all day. it is hard to make sense of death. stay strong for your loved ones. may god be with you, anon.

>> No.16468087

My girlfriend has such stupid tastes and interests and the more polite and accepting I am of them the more she tries to involve me in them.

>> No.16468119

I wish the only religion was Catholicism. Seeing a different church on every corner is really stupid and seems pointless. Why are there 500 different ways to interpret God? How does that make any sense? Why are Americans so stupid when it comes to religion?

>> No.16468160

>>16465724
Kek, same here.

>> No.16468303

>https://www.coursera.org/learn/antiracism-1

Why haven't you taken a course on antiracism yet, anon?

>> No.16468403

>>16468303
I made it 16 minutes. When the professor started talking about how is uncle knocked out their white neighbor over a racial slur I had to shut it off.

>> No.16468408

>>16468303
mega cringe.

>> No.16468436

>>16464239
wow totally forgot about those legendary shitposts. lmfao he's probably gone. god bless him

>> No.16468441

i had a professor tell me once "you give the impression of an ideal student" and being an asshole I replied "that's a good impression" thinking im so clever. i wish i could go back and ask him what he meant...shit has haunted me for 7 years now

>> No.16468481

>>16463811
that feel when I finally realize I lost two of my most vital years on a suicidal, mentally disturbed woman
that feel when I held in the pain of my health condition for so achingly long so as not to upset her or anyone else
that feel when

>> No.16468726

>>16468481
But i'm not going to let it devastate me. I'm not going to submit into despair and waste through the days doing absolutely nothing. I've been through worse and i'll get through this by myself, just like always.

>> No.16468964
File: 16 KB, 300x300, kpUoSNaL_400x400.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16468964

Tic toc.
A mechanical watch is the best purchase I made this year. A mechanical watch is something you have to take care of.
Everyday, I have to wind the mainspring. And every once in a while, I forget it and have to set the clock back to the correct time. I have come to realise that I care for my watch almost as much as I care for my pet. It is true what they say, when you have to take care of something, it makes you care about it.

Time is an important facet of life, and I am glad that I spend so much time caring about time, because time deserves some of my time. After all, all the time I have is merely a gift from time, can I not give a little back?

My watch is like a pet, yes. I care for it, and it cares for me.
My watch never stops ticking in an audible way, it's so rythmic, so soothing. Sometimes, when I am overwhelmed, I take my wrist up to my ear, and I let the watch chant for me. My heartbeat follows the rythm of the spinning gears, man and machine united in a glorious metallic symphony.

She is my sidekick, I take her everywhere, and everywhere, she sings for me. With my watch, I am never truly alone.

This may sound like the tales of an autistic kid, but I can assure you that I'm perfectly healthy, the family doctor has been very clear on this matter.

>> No.16469091

https://medium.com/@StCleary
Be nice guys

>> No.16469142

>>16468441
write him an e-mail anon im sure He will reply

>> No.16469149

>>16464807
What exactly are you struggling with?

>> No.16469248

I wish I weren't smart, and I'm not allowed to wish that because people will assume I'm humblebragging, or arrogant, or whatever. I don't think I'm better than anyone because I've got a certain set of characteristics which nobody really understands. It just is. I'm an intelligent person. I think about things deeply and in great detail. Thinking itself is probably my most frequent pastime. I just can't bring myself to see any value in it.

I know people will want to try to invalidate my experience when they read this. I know this because I constantly want to invalidate my own experience of it as well. Boo hoo, woe is me, get over yourself, you're not that smart, stop the self pity. I've heard it all before, and from a position of much more in depth knowledge. Nobody's really crueller to me than I am to myself, and that's saying something given where I'm writing this.

>> No.16469706

Many cute girls in my class, and with zoom I can stare at their pretty faces for 90 minutes and they've no idea. Makes this pandemic worth it.

>> No.16469718

>>16469706
I'm supposed to be learning ancient greek rn but I'm literally rock hard staring at this blonde qt3.14's face wondering what it'd look like covered in my cum.

>> No.16470016
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16470016

>>16469718

>> No.16470088
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16470088

>>16468964
No one ever comments on what I write

>> No.16470098

yea man the choice was doing nothing or freaking her out, and I freaked her out. that's ok, it was an honest attempt at something confused, what can you do.

but holy fuck is it good to eat cornflakes and milk. Jesus fucking christ is it good

>> No.16470109

thinking about the fact we're all gonna die a lot. having that holden caulfield crisis, looking at people like "don't they know---! rainbow leggings, woman don't you know---?!"

>> No.16470112

>>16470088
>>16468964
kek

>> No.16470115
File: 40 KB, 717x664, cd4a6d72.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16470115

>>16470088
i was actually going to comment earlier but forgot due to eating breakfast and then reading outside. i've been thinking about getting a watch but can't decide. i'd unironically like to get a pocket watch simply because i'm not an "accessory guy" and i don't like things on my wrist.

>> No.16470116

>>16470088
but people read it

>> No.16470119

>>16470088
it's cute as hell anon what am I supposed to say

>> No.16470129

>>16463950
Stay strong my man, you'll come out of it on top eventually.

>> No.16470155

>>16470115
Pocket watches are based and make you look sophisticated, you should get one

>> No.16470196
File: 46 KB, 485x213, zoqfotpik-sitting.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16470196

I want to go to university to become a psychologist very badly, I'm very passionate about it. However, my grades are barely not good enough for it - it's an extremely tough education to get into here, top six of all availible, something like that. There's a university application test that's held twice a year, but it has been cancelled due to the pandemic twice, now.

I could apply to just about any STEM field except for the specific medical doctor line. Not sure if I should go and study something for a year or two, only to maybe have to switch education after that. I could work, but all the jobs to be found right now are really poor ones with variable schedule manpower companies that just randomly call you when you're needed or disease-infested elderly homes. If I can't do my dream it just feels kind of empty, somehow. Maybe it's different if I just go and do something.

>> No.16470293
File: 2.23 MB, 1944x2592, luzon-bleeding-heart.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16470293

I already miss the fragrance of the healing fields, akin to the refined taste and smell of black coffee during one's deepest delectation of it, but, by the grace of God, the saintly autumnal, and hibernal, air, conserves, and refreshes, this agricultural richness, in body, and in memory, until it finds its home again in Spring.

In this world, internal hotness is optimally conducted by external coldness; hotness preserves, and sustains, the internal through impression, whilst coldness conserves, and maintains, the internal throughout its expression --cold air carries sound easier; hot air brings image closer to rest.

The only ones who thrive in Winter are those who plant their seeds in the heart.

>> No.16470303

>>16470293
That's very nice, Anon.
I do struggle during the winter, I'll try planting the seed in my heart this year

>> No.16471123

>>16463811
On Feminism:

The nation's future is utterly dependent on its women, perhaps more so than its men. Men may safeguard the present and honor the past, but it is women who decide the nation's future. The political views of the mother are what children are exposed to in their development. Her faith is what they will spend more time absorbing, and her language is what the child will try to imitate and learn. In essence, we very much inherit our culture matrilineally. Growing older, the father or environment can play a greater role, but in that key time when a child's brain is a blank slate, the mother is what dictates what that child will learn.

Thus, the oppression of women is a genuine threat to the future of one's culture. If the oppression of women is present in a culture. there is always an anxiety that she might try to leave, that a woman might abandon her culture and country for another, freer one. And if enough women do this, the culture and the nation are living on borrowed time. Thus, a compromise of sorts is necessary. The rights of women are protected: they are free to work in and study whatever field they wish, dress as they wish, they are protected from domestic abuse, and their medical care is made a priority. In return, they must instill and perpetuate the values of the faith and culture, both in their family life and in their children. In this way, men serve women and women serve men, ensuring that the family, nation and culture have a bright future.

>> No.16471660

>>16469248
I wish I was smarter

>> No.16471802

Health insurance is such a scam. It's hard to believe this is even allowed. Why should I fork over hundreds of dollars to a bunch of suits to determine if I should have healthcare? What purpose does this middleman serve but to make things more complicated and expensive?

>> No.16471811

Not only do I fork over thousands of dollars, but the hope on both my side and the insurer's side is that I don't get sick and need and have to use what I'm paying for. It's a total swindle. And the more you need it the less likely you are to get it.

>> No.16472297

>>16470196
look at it this way: all kinds of experiences are good for psychology. you'll grow one way or another and as a therapist all of that growth will be gold for you. much better imo to do something a couple of years, then study, than coming out at like 23 doing clinical work. you're looking at a hard road ahead of you either way you do it, so preparing is certainly not unwise

>> No.16472506
File: 53 KB, 475x700, db4a74769cc4a0bb9e009e228f92212e.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16472506

I've taken on the exlamation "JESUS FUCK" for when things go wrong. I really like it, the pase of it. jeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus FCK. I think I got it from bubbles

>> No.16473145

well, I couldn't do it. things got weird. I made them weird. I thought I could be there for you if I did things this way. now I think first of all you don't need me to be there for you, and second that this idea... couldn't work. it was this or nothing. I stand by the decision. if you write again I'll read I guess, but I assume you will not. it was doomed. a strange twist of fate. but I learned something about God, and that is more precious to me than anything. We spin around an axis, we change according to His will and are helpless against the turning. But He remains the same. I don't think you have anything like this. You say we are the same, only different method. If you do not have this, then we are not the same. But to whatever extent that was my problem, it is not my problem anymore. Unless you are a weirdo too.

>> No.16473279

>>16472506
There are worse traits to develop, GreasAnon.

>> No.16473318
File: 112 KB, 750x1159, PBF049-Kinder_Interview.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16473318

>>16472297
Yeah. Issue is, I'm already 24, so I feel a bit late as-is. I appriciate your perspective though, I'll give it some thought.

>> No.16473344

>>16472506
I don't completely understand how swearing is a sign of intelligence. It's just a sign of "I need to shock someone with my words." Very common, as Atticus would say.

>> No.16473403

>>16464217
I gave up on all politics, stopped reading news, deleted all social media, let people know I did not wish to talk about these matters and stopped talking to those who continued, and it certainly took a while, but now I feel much more at peace and can approach the matter with a less emotional response.
I would highly recommend this path
>but you're letting them win
You can keep voting if you like. Beyond that, do you think you were ever in their way? Le altright bogeyman only feeds in to their plans.
Let them burn out among themselves, don't let it burn you out.

>> No.16473466

>>16473403
Politics, Fox News, and televangelism ruined my immediate family. I'm not kidding. It's absolute garbage. I've complained about this here before.

>> No.16473656

>>16473344
Yes when things go wrong, instead of displaying dissatisfaction, I just quote a 17th century German poet, that'll show them

>> No.16473734

I'm fucking horny, I want to gouge moist cunt but instead i lugubriously brood over shitposting on the chans. i miss having a woman around to squeeze the zits on my back. if you lose a wisdom tooth do you lose a bit of wisdom? i should take care of my dental hygiene a bit more, sometimes when i breathe i can catch the scent of tooth decay on my palate. not going to get laid anytime soon with breathe that kicks of putrefaction. sneed.

>> No.16473767

>>16470196
Fucking love Zoq Fot Pik. Always mixed them up with the Slylandro, the gas giant guys, I guess because there were three of them and they're friendly.

Star Control 2 is one of the best games of all time. It's up there for me with King of Dragon Pass and Uplink among totally unique games.

>> No.16473809

I am unironically very far left but I am seriously getting sick of trans people attention-whoring and making everything about them and their trans-ness. It seems like trans is just a costume. They wear clothing (meant for women according to gender roles) and want breasts and a vagina. They want to be "real women" but what the hell is a "real woman" but literally some label we've assigned? They can't be the female side of reproduction which is one of the only things that set women apart from men.

I legitimately think, and I may be wrong, that it's just a fetish. Wanting to be another gender. Wanting to wear the clothes. Wanting breasts and a vagina. I think if our gender roles weren't as strict there might be less longing for the opposite. A greener grass sort of thing. A chased dream or desire. I'd say I'm actually pretty masculine, and not saying it to brag, but of course I've wondered what it'd be like to be able to wear a dress or something especially when it's hot. A kilt or skirt seems like a smart idea for heat. Leggings look comfortable. I'd be a liar if I said I've never thought about things like that. Eventually, I get over it. I return to our current reality. If men wearing skirts were normal would I? I don't know. Most likely since it'd be normal and I would think nothing of it.

I think I'm just annoyed by the identity politics that have taken over (actual) leftist circles and venting my annoyance at a target that is, honestly, acceptable to dislike. I'm not going to say, 'fucking mentally ill trannies deserve the rope' or anything. People just seem to take their one single issue and make it all about them. As if the plights of others don't matter or aren't as deserving. I also don't really like it when people build their personality around a single thing. 'Yeah I'm trans' and their identity becomes that. Everything focuses on it. Reminds me of some gay people. Or really just anyone. Gun people. Politics people. Bronies. Etc.

I don't know.

>> No.16473828

>>16473809
>the identity politics that have taken over (actual) leftist circles
All the socialist types i've met irl(not that many to be fair) were heavy into the identity politics stuff and thought it synthesized well with class warfare. And yet on /lit/ most of the socialists I see are like you and think it's at best a distraction and at worst an actual conspiracy to divide the working class.

>> No.16473849

I'd exchange anxiety to feel any other negative emotion, even physical pain. There's nothing worse to me than anxiety, with shame coming in a close second. Anxiety is the reminder that you're a speck and subject to forces outside your control that can decide your fate or obliterate you in one flash. In a normal state of mind, we're usually unaware of these forces, but they are there. Anxiety is the realization that your limit might not reach or surpass the bar of life's cold reality.

>> No.16473871

>>16473828
leftypolfags are under the delusion that "real" leftists are going to rise up and take back the left from the tranny infiltrators but the exact opposite has been happening for a long long time. if it could be reversed it would have been.

>> No.16473890

>>16473871
>subversive movement gets subverted by new layers of subversion
A big plot twist and one nobody could have seen coming, I must say

>> No.16473905

>>16463811
I don't feel so good, guys.

>> No.16473906

>>16473849
I have a big headache and keep getting them. I would take on a bit of anxiety for a bit less headache right now.
But actually the point I would like to make is that I often feel like a different form of suffering would be preferable to my present one, quite regardless of what I am presently suffering from.
What is giving you anxiety?

>> No.16473961

>>16473828
It isn't just /lit/ socialists. Hardened socialists actively involved and registered as members of the Fourth International believe that identity politics and racial justice causes have been co-oped by elites. Idpol is a screen for this exploitative class logic.

Obama is a classic example. He presided over a massive upward transfer of wealth. He intensified deportations and drone strikes, expanding the war on terror to multiple new fronts in Yemen, Libya, and elsewhere. Yet liberals hail him as an incorrigible racial paragon, saying basically that his status as the first black president overrides all of that. These liberals, and the heterodox socialists that think like them, are positively hypnotized by the rhetoric of identity politics.

Kamala Harris is another one. An actual former hardline DA, a stealth reactionary that is sanctified because of what her skin represents for racial progress.

Identity politics generally benefits the status and prestige of an already established upper middle class layer, while the poorer members of that identity are subject to the materialist forces of financial exploitation . Because identity politics frames the issues in the wrong terms, (race etc) rather than structural socioeconomic issues of capital, these problems only fester.

I'd recommend some articles from the WSWS for a clear analysis of these phenomena.

https://www.wsws.org/en/articles/2020/08/20/pers-a20.html

https://www.wsws.org/en/articles/2017/10/07/pers-o07.html

https://www.wsws.org/en/articles/2016/08/30/pers-a30.html

>> No.16473975

>>16473905
What's wrong?

>> No.16474001

>>16473828
I'm not a socialist, to be fair. I think you're talking with liberals.

>> No.16474008

You think I'm stupid? I know we're both weird. I know we can build mutual trust. I know this can turn into something better. I know we can help each other. I don't want you to be only of use to me and how could you like this? We both need each other. Maybe even one day we can both laugh at all of this, it's all in your hands now. Your next move.

>> No.16474025

>>16473906
>But actually the point I would like to make is that I often feel like a different form of suffering would be preferable
That's usually the case I feel for everybody.

>What is giving you anxiety?
Nothing in particular. Tiny and faint granules of anxiety and disappointment from different areas of my life, by themselves alone incapable of doing any damage to me, on occasion all seem to join together into one great burning ball of fire. It's a very low grade, faint form of anxiety without a definite object. Generalized anxiety if you will.

>> No.16474059

>>16473961
I'm curious what your take on the idpol stuff is though. I assume you do think that eg. blacks are oppressed in the US. Do you think it's important for there to be black people high up in whatever socialist organization?

>> No.16474074

>>16474001
You mean the people I met irl? They were just university kids, and a couple professors. They claimed to have read Marx anyway, they would just say things like 'a brown woman needs to lead the workers' revolution'. They were more or less normal people, not like crazy SJW types or anything.

>> No.16474166

>>16474074
Yeah, those are liberals. Not leftists.

>> No.16474171
File: 188 KB, 1080x1080, 97331050_330526481284280_224013024510615978_n.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16474171

If it came down to survival of the fittest due to some apocalyptic event or whatever I'd definitely hunt down shareholders first and create a fortress only for people of my generation who are part of the working class

>> No.16474174

>>16474171
I'd allow some boomers too if they've got the right spirit but they usually don't

>> No.16474183

>>16474166
I don't see how they were liberals if they wanted to replace capitalism with socialism.

>> No.16474192

White Noise by Don Delillo is Infinite Jest for boomers

>> No.16474221

The American debate is fucking bonkers.

>> No.16474232

>>16474171
Everyone is a shareholder through pension plans and 401ks you imbecile.

>> No.16474265

>>16474059
My position on race issues isn't straightforward. Blacks are generally at a disadvantage, but I disagree with using racism as the main explanation for why. I disavow for instance ideas like White Fragility and other such concepts that display racism as this fundamental metaphysical entity which cannot be debated or analyzed. And it simply isn't true that racism is the cause of all black poverty. It is, however, a convenient scapegoat, a simple platitude that diverts attention away from the strategic deployment of capital, a labor system that benefits from an perpetual underclass , for profit prisons and policing etc. African Americans generally have less social power, and institutional sway, so regardless , they are a convenient group to exploit.

The same forces affect white West Virginian coal miners, disinvested majority white post-industrial rust belt towns, etc. You simply can't see the big picture if your picture is shattered by identity politics.

As to whether there should be blacks in high level positions in the socialist organizations, to each according to their needs, from each according to their ability. I would not be apposed to black leadership if they proved capable. Artificially elevating or selectively choosing candidates based on their race is racist for one thing. It falls within the same idpol trap of trying to correct things through an idealistic morality rather than pragmatic strategy.

>> No.16474612

>>16473975
Nothing special, just boilerplate suffering. Burnout, stress, loneliness, nihilism. I think I'm just feeling it more acutely than usual. I wonder if it ever goes away, or do you just get used to it?

>> No.16474728

>tfw no gf

>> No.16474743

>>16474728
I just finished reading Lonesome Dove. The number of men in the old west who were complete incels who only fucked whores, if anything, was surprising to me. What I'm trying to get at is 'tfw no gf' is an American tradition. I think it was Wyoming or Montana that was the first state to allow women to vote, they only did this because they had no women in their state, imagine being a fella back then!

>> No.16474894

My Love, 2020.

The love which I carried in my chest, sat in the deepest region of my heart, was like an ember that should ignite a raging blaze when fuelled and afterwards requiring all my efforts in attempts to regain control over it; the mention of the name of my love, a lyric in a song, a reference to time and place, would open old wounds anew and breath life into my passion (and then directly, with this passion, into me). It was kept alight in my chest through years of deluge, sustained by memory alone, suppressed, until by chance my love and I would fleetingly meet again with my body was instantly consumed by fire, a giddy lightness would spread from the spark in my chest throughout my whole until everything else lost meaning but the feeling that propelled me through more turmoil than my typically calm mind could understand. As a man I had always taken pride in my collectedness, my refusal to anger quickly, to not be subjugated by something as beneath me as mere moods. But how arrogant I had been, for it was not that I was above these childish impulses to rage or adoration but rather that I had never experienced them in their truest form. When emotion is in its most crystalline purity, totally unknowable, its secrets held in darkness black as pitch and casting our mental states about like a ship caught in a storm, we can no more do to understand it than we can to control it. My strength had previously then not been self control but instead merely never having been confronted with the need to control myself. Finding myself gifted, or cursed, with this love then it was a thunderbolt of truth that made all revelations before it seem as hollow as actors in a play. The truth of my love would be shown- that there was nothing else, and nothing else which mattered, and nothing else which bring me to such a degree of despair or rapture. My previous self had been as cool and clear as the sky after rain, but was now permanently electric with storm clouds always threatening the horizon. Only in extremes could I bring myself to look away from these unknowable and foreboding images when I felt that I had become indifferent to her favours. If I pushed my body into a task requiring total absorption and an almost ecstasy from the self I was minutes before commencement, I would leave the body possessed by love and enter a new one in which second to second I experienced life as a man free from anguish, instead only having to parry and feint as needed, or place one foot in front of the other ever faster until I felt like an Olympian. Conversely if I felt myself imbued with her affection the same things which I did to escape the anguish of not being so would become monuments of my love to her (and to myself, for being loved by her). cont below

>> No.16474900

>>16474894
To work my hands raw, to practice frugality, to train myself became a means of honouring her, bettering myself for her and making myself more attractive to her and lent a direct sense of purpose to things which should have otherwise been as humdrum as alarm clocks and needing to bathe. Whilst in my mind I could ‘objectively’, meaning from the eyes of others who did not share my love, view her as a whole as something who would be unworthy for various reasons, her conduct frequently immoral and perhaps her physicality not up to some’s standards. But these people could never see as I had seen, since it was m love alone which colour everything about my world like red ink in clear water. For me she became a paragon of unearthly beauty, there was no woman who could compare to her for she possessed some rare essence which would never allow itself to be distilled or revealed, only ever hinted at through a twinkle in her eye or a coquettish smile. How special we feel to have been shown truth when others should be in the presence of it and pass over it with eyes blinded! But how this vision, persisting in us as a spark, would cause us to decouple from the path which have chosen for ourselves and be led by the collar through highs and lows. This kind of love, persistent and refusing to be tamed by reason, I had seen before in seperate incidences. A dear friend of mine was haunted by the love for one only which he carried in his heart in a fashion same as mine. All his other partners would eventually despair once they learnt the truth, despite his best efforts to quell the flames, crying out to him ‘But you never stopped loving her!’. That ax would instantly cleave them from him, and he would be confronted by, and left alone with, his love again exactly as if his most recent girlfriend had never been there. We shared our tasks, alone with them but united in the singleminded nature of this possession of the heart. For a decade now this spark which had the power to wake me from sleep with dreams, propel me towards a future as a well to do young man of respectable means, has lain in me. It defies explanation save this writing. What it holds for me, or her (which seems little since this love feels almost seperate from her) is as unknowable as the feeling itself.

>> No.16474919

>>16474171
Why does everyone believe the working class are some sort of noble people? I know plenty of working class people that are complete assholes. Everyone from shareholders to hobos can have integrity.

>> No.16474935

>>16474919
im a bricklayer and most working people are pretty fucking awful man.

>> No.16474949

>>16474919
>Why does everyone believe the working class are some sort of noble people?
Virtue propaganda

>> No.16475186

Breakfast foods are a spook. I'm done with the bullshit. What if I want pork chops and beans for breakfast? I'm not rushed. I don't have anywhere to go. I don't need to eat a burrito or sugar cereal. Breakfast foods are fucking marketing. It's over. I'm no longer going to be held down by the breakfast cartel. I'm going to eat whatever I want for breakfast. It'll probably be beans because I really enjoy beans. Begone, eggs. You're no longer welcome at my breakfast table.

>> No.16475228
File: 140 KB, 1366x1024, 1597775223852.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16475228

Anybody notice how there seems to be a ton of men who are attracted to fat women, they're just scared to admit it?

>> No.16475244

>>16475228
Fat girls are nasty and proof they cannot take care of themselves well. It is not something to want or encourage.

>> No.16475277

>>16463811
for a brief moment in life i achieved a sort of revelation, a recognition that i hated everything about myself, that i shouldn't worry so much because i didn't have much to lose, and so on. but in time that faded. the worrying has returned. the undesirable traits no longer bother me. i am not sure i was any better off for the experience, which i'm sure will come again at a later date, with the same results. i am living in the very circumstances i feared the most at the time when i had that perfect clarity: a regression to my normal behavior.

>> No.16475331

I will achieve immortality

>> No.16475343

>>16475228
I think they are just attracted to the idea fat girls can't be choosy, and the fatter they are, they will have it harder to move, thus being fully dependent on their man.

>> No.16475498
File: 20 KB, 353x400, 3b6.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16475498

>>16471123
>We need less oppression and more freedom for women in order to save our civilization (that is collapsing largely because of feminism)
Flawless logic

>> No.16475512

>>16474919
it's not about assholes or non-assholes. The working class is important. Shareholders are not, even though they like to think that they are.

>> No.16475513

I can't fucking believe i did not take out the 80 grand in bitcoin gains i made in 2017, my life would be like the palm beach tapestry i have hanged up on the window by now. I'm so hungry but don't want to cook. I wish there was a pho noodle shop in my town; theyd make so much money from me. I dont want to make spring rolls in the morning but i guess ill have to anyway, fuck

>> No.16475517

>>16475498
Can you refute that post tho

>> No.16475563

>>16475517
Do I really need to?
Women's freedom has been nothing short of a catastrophy for our civilization. Social deconstructivism is a female endeavour, it may have been theorised by males, but females are the ones putting it to practice.

Women are delusional enough to believe all families are equal, gender is a social construct (even though it's actually a social manifestation of very real biological and neurological differences) and everyone should be able to do whatever they want, including terminating pregnancies, the seed of life, the very future of our societies, and beyond their own, they believe and support the delusions of the mentally ill.
Women have removed duties and accountability from society because they do not understand those concepts, and because men have given them the key of our society's future. We were weak and corrupted.

Feminists are inhabited by the idea of social simplicism, they are convinced that any social norm is arbitrary, corrupted by nature, and therefore can be torn down. Failing to realise that those norms developed in the course of thousands of years for very good reasons. Marriage, religion, gender.

Feminists are basically tearing down all the pillars of society because they do not believe them to be of high importance in the structural integrity of the building. They don't have any scientific data to backup their claims, simply crude sociological diarrhea that lacks any scientifical value, simply weak philosophy that we pretend is science. We are watching idly by while the temple is being destroyed, and we are standing in the middle of the altar. The temple will inevitably collapse on our collective heads.

Women were never there to teach children anything more than practicalities, it is nonsense to even put forth the idea that they should teach moral, politics and ethics to children, that will always remain the role of the father. Our society is sick because children are denied the teaching of their fathers, and also because their fathers have become weak and corrupted by hedonism, unable to provide those teachings.

We have grown weak and corrupted, and our days are numbered.

>> No.16475594

I hope the situation in Armenia/Azerbaijan escalates way beyond proportion and gets everybody involved in a hyper violent war to end all wars. I hope for the world's armies fight vast, bloody battles across every part of the Earth. I hope to see desperate last stands, encircled divisions committing all forces to a hopeless breakout, missile silos emptying themselves at each other. I hope to see every city turned into rubble and every mountain range and open plain and forest home to a dozen insurgencies. I hope all humankind perishes in nuclear fire.

>> No.16475600

>>16475594
Enjoying dying randomly in the first air raid

>> No.16475642

>>16475563
>be me
>have the perspicacity of an intellectual god; i am already always euphoric
>whittle down the degradation of society to some female academics that I strawman, who are largely unread by anyone outside of academia
>still convinced our society was built on things like concrete foundations and pillars
>still ignoring the culturally erosive effects of capitalism on culture
>still ignoring the political devolution at the hands of males for the past almost forever
>it's the women bros
>bros
>it's the fuCKINg WOMEN

>> No.16475797

>>16475642
Nice way not to address anything I said.

>> No.16475813

>>16463811
>group assignment for uni
>they keep being busy
>eventually set time for 9am
>wake up at 9am, go back to sleep
>wake up at 10am
>they've done most of the assignment
>"alright anon, we're going to go have breakfast now, cya later"
What sort of fucking psychopath has breakfast one hour after they wake up? What the shit?

>> No.16475904
File: 93 KB, 274x400, 14289.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16475904

>>16475594
BOY do I have a book for you

>> No.16475934

>>16475512
That doesn't mean they should be fetishized or held up as a standard. In all likelihood, a world where the workers hold the means of production would end up just as shitty as the one with the shareholders. Yes they are important, but they are also a dime a dozen. A shareholder, landowner, and a manager can all be reduced to a worker. Likewise you can give a worker money and power and watch them be as twisted as the shareholder. There is nothing intrinsically special or noble about a worker

>> No.16475957

Anons please help me, how do I go back to reading? Every year I seem to fall in a hole where I just can't pick myself up to read, but it only lasts for a month or two. But now it's been over half a year since I read anything, just can't force myself back into it.
Anyone else had similar struggles? How do you overcome it?

>> No.16475961

>>16475813
the same psychopaths that actually did the project, it sounds like

>> No.16476310

>>16473767
I fucking loved that game, but desu when I failed to save the pkunk because I was a fucking retard... I couldn't get back into it. I loved those dumb bastards. someone described it to me as the game that mass effect wishes it could be, and that is spot on.

>> No.16476319
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16476319

I haven't watched anime in about 7 or 8 years. It's what brought me to 4chan funnily enough. Sometimes I get the random urge to indulge in it once again, thinking I might find some comfort in the old routine. Like a regression to infancy; surrendering those anxieties that otherwise demarcate adulthood. But I wouldn't even know where to begin these days. An of course it is for the best that I stay away.

>> No.16476343

>>16475957
I have to read certain books for my job - often bad ones that I don't want to read. What I do is I look at the number of pages, choose a date in the future I would like to have it finished by, and then calculate how many pages a day I would have to read to reach that goal. I try to make the goal far enough way that it only amounts to no more than 15-30 pages a day. That works for books I don't want to read, but if you pick a book you're interested in then it might be even easier. Also, before bed every night make a to do list and add "read X book" on that to do list and try to pick a time for that activity. You're much more likely to do it then.

Anyway, I'm the kind of guy that needs to make lots and lots of short term goals in order to stick to a routine, and those are the things that help me.

>> No.16476349

I can’t cope with suffering. Bad things happen to me and I suffer, worse things happen to others and I suffer, I realize my suffering is nothing compared to other’s and I shouldn’t be suffering from it and I suffer even more.

>> No.16476364
File: 97 KB, 620x620, why-are-breakfast-food-breakfast-foods-i-asked-them-like-why-dont.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16476364

>>16475186

>> No.16476399
File: 10 KB, 284x284, 1597775955455.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16476399

some anon on this board said to me "enjoy your hot choccy fren" and that was the nicest thing someone has told me in years

>> No.16476401

>>16474919
one argument could be that you are judged based on your means. if a worker and a shareholder are both awful, but the shareholder could afford to feed a whole neighborhood and the worked can barely feed himself, then the shareholder is worse.

>> No.16476406

>>16475186
>being this close to arriving at cornflakes for dinner
I'm telling you-!

>> No.16476415

>>16475277
>And when it is said to them, "Believe as the people have believed," they say, "Should we believe as the foolish have believed?" Unquestionably, it is they who are the foolish, but they know [it] not.
>And when they meet those who believe, they say, "We believe"; but when they are alone with their evil ones, they say, "Indeed, we are with you; we were only mockers."
>[But] Allah mocks them and prolongs them in their transgression [while] they wander blindly.
>Those are the ones who have purchased error [in exchange] for guidance, so their transaction has brought no profit, nor were they guided.
>Their example is that of one who kindled a fire, but when it illuminated what was around him, Allah took away their light and left them in darkness [so] they could not see.
>Deaf, dumb and blind - so they will not return [to the right path].
>Or [it is] like a rainstorm from the sky within which is darkness, thunder and lightning. They put their fingers in their ears against the thunderclaps in dread of death. But Allah is encompassing of the disbelievers.
>The lightning almost snatches away their sight. Every time it lights [the way] for them, they walk therein; but when darkness comes over them, they stand [still]. And if Allah had willed, He could have taken away their hearing and their sight. Indeed, Allah is over all things competent.
>The lightning almost snatches away their sight. Every time it lights [the way] for them, they walk therein; but when darkness comes over them, they stand [still]. And if Allah had willed, He could have taken away their hearing and their sight. Indeed, Allah is over all things competent.
>O mankind, worship your Lord, who created you and those before you, that you may become righteous -

>> No.16476706

>>16468964
>>16470088
This made me smile anon, unironically cute. Happy for you

>> No.16476739

there is an eloquence in brevity. gravitas. I have it not. I yak and I yak.

>> No.16476803

>>16476739
*I yak and yak

>> No.16476837

>>16468964
smooth and spritely
I like it

>> No.16476950

>>16463811
At long last
The wait ends,
My hands to work
And make amends.

>> No.16476957

Vita kvinnor vill ha den äkta djungelmannen som lever där i samklang med naturen där han springer omkring och dinglar med negerkuken. Det ska vara en kålsvart banutneger med grov 30 cm kuk som kan knulla TS kvinna i flera timmar i någon ongobonghydda till rytmiska takter, samtidigt som flugorna svärmar förbi i bajslukten.

>> No.16477009

https://twitter.com/FrankHassleYT/status/1310916312772771841

>> No.16477069

>>16476399
die alone well homo

>> No.16477180
File: 44 KB, 127x128, fit.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16477180

I finished with /fit/, now I'm ready for /lit/. Where do I start?

>> No.16477181

>>16473767
Dragon Pass is so very, very good. I was a little bit heartbroken when I found out that the successor, Six Ages: Ride Like the Wind, was exclusively for iOS and Windows 10, neither of which I use.

>> No.16477322
File: 15 KB, 466x349, 1541237743165.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16477322

>realising that the chance if me finding a virgin to start a life with at the age of 25 is basically zero
Books for this feel?

>> No.16477346

>>16477180
With the Greeks apparently, but I'd go for Fantômas.

>> No.16477588

There are so many situations where being honest can undermine you. Yet lying always comes with the chance of being detected and also penalized. Therefore the most sagacious thing is to simply omit, to decline to mention. Leaving something unsaid has neither of the drawbacks of being honest or lying, but also gives you plausible deniability. You didn't mention it because it wasn't asked.

>> No.16477665

We're supposed to put down my family cat tomorrow. She's 18 and has kidney disease and has lost a lot of weight and might have tumors in her mouth. But it feels too soon. She's barely eating for over a week now but she still tries to eat some every day, and she's not in a lot of obvious pain despite little things. She still talks and moves around and seems comfortable enough a lot of the time. We already rescheduled this twice but my mom seems pretty sure this is going to be the time we take her. I don't want to wait until she's suffering but it seems fucked up if she's still trying to live. I don't know.

>> No.16477681

Something about this culture causes to people to fear competence in areas they should have or were not trained for. Credentialism is really about control and maintaining a hierarchy than it is what's best for knowlege and human potential.

>> No.16477687

>>16477681
>should have
should not

>> No.16477840
File: 56 KB, 800x450, Fuck.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16477840

>Put hours uppon hours of effort for several months creating a story filled with things I love and trying to make it the best I can and fun for people to read.
>Eventually start publishing it in several sites.
>Next to no people reading, no feedback.
>Immediately lose confidence in all the work I've put into the story.
I fucking hate being so easily discouraged.

>> No.16477906
File: 425 KB, 768x994, dürrer-the-knight-death-and-the-devil-1513.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16477906

25th of October, my appointment with death.

Have you ever wondered what becomes of those who have no family or friends when they die? Most likely not.
I had never asked myself that question either, as I had never been confronted to this problem.
Society has a way of solving issues on its own, sweeping them under the massive rug on which we stand, unaware.
During a lonely evening, I was browsing the internet for volunteering missions, half drunk. I was looking for meaning, friends, or symply to help a fellow human being. Or so I was thinking.
I've always struggled with the idea of volunteer work. Do we not do it for ourselves first? For the benefit of knowing we are useful, knowing that we help, in essence ; knowing that we are good.

I rejected that idea, how vulgar would it be to help others in order for one to feel good about one's self. I despised the very idea of volunteering for that precise reason. Meanwhile, I wasn't helping anyone, though.
Isn't it wicked to question the motives of those who help, when you're doing nothing other than sitting in your comfortable office chair?
Damn you for torturing me so. I will volunteer and that's the end of it, I said to myself. Damn your childish dilemmas and you primitive philosophy.

As I scroll down, I stumble upon the mission of which I will speak now.
As it turns out, when people die alone, without anyone to grieve and pay for their funeral, the city has to pay for and organise the event.
Or so, at least, it is how it happens in my country.
We put the lonely corpse in a tomb for 5 years, way out, south of the city. What happens after those 5 years, I do not dare to know.
No one is present at the wake, no one, even to say goodbye.
The mission was about this very unfortunate state of affairs. As a volunteer, I would be present at the funeral, and I would say a few words to calm the grievance of a lonely soul.

I thought it was important, maybe a better use of my time would have been to help the living, yes. But the very idea of standing alone on the day of the great departure touched the bottom of my soul, the ultimate abandonment, the pinnacle of my fears.
Having no one to even see your body being engulfed by the earth. A few hours of one's time for the consecration of an entire life, even that is too much.

I speak of the dead, but as I write these words, they are very much alive, the funeral is a month from now.

I planned their funeral in my calendar, I ticked the square for that day that is probably not very special to them, themselves, they may have planned something, they may have ticked that very square on their calendar, all in vain. Provided they have one, of course.

They are still alive, somewhere, unsuspecting that I know the day on which they will be burried. Of course I don't know who they are. but the cold laws of statistics tell me that there will be four bodies to be buried on that day.

1/2

>> No.16477915

>>16477906
2/2

I will have to write for two of them, I try to imagine who they are, I imagine a male, homeless, right now he's probably begging. Today the weather is good, he's probably not too cold. I hope that he'll receive enough donations to buy tonight's meal, and maybe some alcohol. May that bring him a little warmth. I hope your death will be free of pain, I only wish you to depart as you sleep.

The second one, I imagine, is a little old lady, probably aware that she doesn't have many days left, maybe she even is waiting for death, that sweet release. she sits at home, watching TV, maybe reading a book. How bored she is, retirement must be the dreadiest of prisons when you're terribly alone.

Perhaps she used to have a husband, perhaps she misses him greatly. Soon, she'll join him.

Both of them are breathing, my two lonely souls, their blood flows freely in their veins, their eyes seek out the world in saccades, their legs carry them, still. They fear, they hope, perhaps, even, do they love and experience joy. Enjoy these last delicacies of life, enjoy the hardships, even, for they are counted and you'll come to miss them too.

I've planned their funeral, I made an appointment with death, and on the 29th of october, I will accompany them on their very last voyage.
One day, I, too, will forget them. But in the meantime, may my memory keep theirs alive for as long as it can.

>> No.16477928

>>16466378
Absolutely based

>> No.16478033

>>16477322
Hold on bro. Its like buying a second hand car. The longer you wait the better deals will appear. There are virgins in the church. Target them.

>> No.16478077

>>16463811
WGAGHAGHAGHAGH

>> No.16478155

>>16466510
>he thinks it gets better

>> No.16478179

>>16468119
I wish the only faith was Islam. Seeing a different house to God on every corner is really stupid and seems pointless. Why are there 500 different ways to interpret God? How does that make any sense? Why are Americans so stupid when it comes to religion?

>> No.16478371

little worried about how my atheist family would react if they realized I now view deviant sexual practices as a moral problem

>> No.16478449

>>16478371
Slave morality cope. You hate what you can't have.

>> No.16478552

>>16478449
That's a brainlet take if i've ever seen one

>> No.16478580

>>16478449
I don't mean them any harm or anything. I just believe if you normalise the gay, then the gay will normalise promiscuity, and normalised promiscuity leads rapidly away from God.

>> No.16478828

Can somebody tell me what αξουσιν means? I really should know it.

>> No.16478956

>>16468441
You look back and see yourself as foolish but that memory was infact a marker of your intelligence in the eyes of others. You were cocky as a successful youth. This is nothing new. Chances are there wasn't much to learn by asking any way. Forgive yourself :)

>> No.16478968

>>16478580
>if you normalise the gay, then the gay will normalise promiscuity
You got it backwards.

>> No.16479044

>>16463811
I wonder if the psychiatry is to prevent people from ever fixing what is wrong in their lives and instead give them medication and make them addicted, tricking them into thinking there is nothing wrong.

>> No.16479054

>>16479044
Close, the point is to treat people like machines that exist to serve society, and differences that cause issues with the machinery must be corrected

>> No.16479095

>>16478552
Everyone I've met who "hates degeneracy" has been a frustrated virgin who is mad they don't have a trad gf, and they waste all their free time playing videogames or some other equally degenerate solitary activity. They see people who go out and have fun and make an imagined virtue out of not being like them.

>> No.16479145

>>16478968
we can agree the two come in tandem. I think some gay men would prefer a simple monogamous relationship, but... I don't know the number, but many of them can not stick to this kind of arrangement, and will pursue a number of sexual partners that heterosexuals could not begin to dream of. I truly believe there is a real and very large cultural difference between us.

>> No.16479153
File: 30 KB, 579x570, feelsman.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16479153

I'm breaking up with my girlfriend tomorrow. I feel I can't talk to her about things she does that bother me, because whenever I do, she starts sobbing and has a panic attack. I don't want to make her cry. But I need to be able to communicate to her the things she does that upset me. Maybe that's my fault for not powering through her tears. Maybe not. All I know for certain is that in a relationship, one shouldn't feel as alone as I feel right now.

>> No.16479180

>>16479153
I'm sorry to hear that anon but you're a good man for doing this the right way.

>> No.16479208

>>16479145
There's a cultural difference, but the reason is just because women gatekeep sex, and since gays have no women to be picky about partners, they will just fuck nonstop. This will be the case for all immature gay men and participation in this culture and lifestyle makes it much less likely they will ever mature out of it.

>> No.16479271

>>16479095
Nice strawman faggot

>> No.16479456

>>16479180
Thanks anon, I'm not a good man yet, I still may chicken-out

>> No.16479459

What's more key for understanding Indian thought - Upanishads or Rig Veda? And why?

>> No.16479548

>>16479456
I was in a similar situation in my youth and did chicken out, and in the end I started cheating on her. I was angry at her, and later I've realized I was angry because we couldn't communicate. Cheating I thought I get one of two things: another woman, or a way out of this relationship when my gf finds out. Well she did find out. And the moment she did was the saddest thing I have ever seen, and to think that I did that to a woman for whom of course there was still some love in me... Later I developed severe mental illness and suffered immensely, and I genuinely believe that that was my payment for what I did to her, and that I desered it. It's better to do it the right way. Who knows, maybe tomorrow you talk and things turn out differently, but if you're gonna do it, it is better.

>> No.16479745

>>16476957
Sök hjälp

>> No.16479796

>>16479271
Nice cope faggot. You lash out because I speak the truth.

>> No.16479889

>>16479548
Thanks man, I appreciate the encouragement/advice

>> No.16480066

Thread theme: https://youtu.be/6gwbXjHNcwA

>> No.16480117

I can't help being disappointed if Trump does indeed usurp the Republic and become something of a dictator. I feel like I am being pulled into a catastrophic upheaval because of one man's greed and lust for power. At least Napoleon was competent. If Trump was a Napoleon I'd be ok with it. America needs a Napoleon to be frank; someone with singular vision and a strategic genius that cuts through all the indecisiveness and deadlock and does what has to be done. Instead we get this 5th rate, bargain-bin, off-label, discontinued Trump branded orange absurdity. A reality tv dictator that some people are dumb enough to defend because they are stupid enough relate to him.

>> No.16480204

>>16480117
>bad dictator bad, good dictator good

>> No.16480381

>>16478956
thank you

>> No.16480555

I've come to realize that the only time grown ups can feel genuine emotion is when they remember what it felt like to experience the world as a child.
That is what any sense of happiness or fulfillment truly is.
Human beings have the same sort of imprinting phase as we observe in other animals and this instinctively drives all human interaction between adults and children in a repeating cycle.
The human mind is dominated by a constant seeking of regression this is the essence of all "becoming" there is little to no "growth" beyond the formative period.
Purity is the one and only inescapable transcendent ideal that all channels flow into and by nature purification is a process of removal this is what Plato was really getting at with the theory of forms in a word this is what goodness is

>> No.16480643

>>16480204
Exactly. Look up the concept of an enlightened despot. Sometimes the balance depends on one person with all the good ideas. One person truly can have much of it figured out and could cut through the noise if empowered.
Napoleon's only fault was that his ambition drove him to levels of warmongering which destroyed his empire before it could flourish. Napoleonic France was a flourishing, majestic place.

>> No.16480666

>>16480204
Also my point was if America was going to have a dictator it better had be a good one. One with an outlier IQ like Napoleon. Not some conman sleaze ball. Would I prefer it didn't have a dictator and instead represented the cutting edge of Enlightenment ideas of governance and jurisprudence? Yes. But if it's so far gone that a dictator is an inevitability, make it a wise and far seeing Napoleon, whose ambition is forgivable, rather than a bumbling and objectively incompetent Trump. America's power deserves someone who has the dignity and wisdom to wield it, for the betterment of the nation and for the world.

>> No.16480667

are we being raided?

>> No.16480722

>>16479796
Strawmans aren't truth no matter how much you fucking whine like a bitch that it's other wise

>> No.16480769

I don't want to kill my cat tomorrow

>> No.16480771

>>16480667
Can you post examples? I haven't seen anything that seems obviously raid-worthy.

>> No.16480786

>>16480771
You missed it earlier

>> No.16480802

>>16480771
Tons of pagan larpers and /leftypol/ fags.

>> No.16480803

>>16480786
>>16480802
Couldn't you turn it around and say that /lit/ is perpetually raided by far-right chuds? Playing devil's advocate here.

>> No.16480816

>>16480803
Other than the Ted threads not really.

>> No.16480897

>>16463811
It's all pretty funny, isn't it? All this suffering and work for nothing. Funny trick.

>> No.16480901

>>16480816
Ted is not far right. He's and independent thinker.

>> No.16481035

>>16480901
I agree but it doesn't stop rightists from posting about him.

>> No.16481043

>>16481035
And they have every reason too.He wasn't an idiot. Wonton technology for technology's sake is worth calling out. But what I consider to be real far right transgressions is the muh jews and muh gays and muh non-christisn and muh immigrants crap.

>> No.16481044

>>16480803
Why the motherfuck would I? leftypol were raiding /fit/ too. If it was up to me your little hidey hole on bunker chan would be expunged without so much as a second thought

>> No.16481048
File: 19 KB, 480x360, hqdefault (2).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16481048

>>16481043
>Wonton

>> No.16481062

always alone

>> No.16481161

>>16481044
>little hidey hole
You're out of touch if you think everyone who disagrees with you is dwelling in such obscure, dingy internet caverns.

>> No.16481175
File: 520 KB, 2972x680, 1593637265250.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16481175

>>16481161
Stop gas lighting you fucking leftoid. We all know they raid.

>> No.16481234

If you think that everything is in your control; that everything good or bad that happens is your fault... You're not some supremely accountable, responsible person. You're just another narcissist with a deluded sense of self importance.

Fuck goggings fuck that other navy seal Joe rogan 3am faghot too

>> No.16481290
File: 84 KB, 923x923, eye.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16481290

>>16463811
I read a fair bit of buddhist and hindu texts on enlightenment and I can't stop occasionally falling into what I think is samadhi now. It's annoying because I always get a surge of dread whenever I snap back out of it. What the fuck do I do? I'm scared man

Not that it necessarily has to be samadhi but since it's always while I'm reading these texts that I get seized by this mindset I figured there'd be a connection. I might get checked for epilepsy or smth though desu

>> No.16481291

>>16477906
<3

>> No.16481331
File: 140 KB, 945x665, Belisarius-Byzantine-Empire.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16481331

I unironically think monarchy should make a comeback. Imagine how effective it would be with all the power of 21st century technology behind it.

You know how Trump tweets constantly? Imagine if he were a king, and he could literally set government policy with a tweet? A monarch could use social media to govern, to manage the provinces, to communicate with his subjects and the aristocracy. It would be great. Modern technology and society have made democracy less viable, but I think they've made monarchy MORE viable. A monarchy would thrive in the modern world.

>> No.16481346

>>16481331
I think you would like Hoppe's book "Democracy: The God That Failed".

>> No.16481357

>>16481331
the oligarchy that exists today would never let a single man control an important country that way. Look at how constricted Putin is by Russia's oligarchy

>> No.16481375

>>16481175
>Stop gas lighting
How cute. That's literally the go to rightoid tactic. It's all you can do because your only power lies in psychopathic domination rather than the light of truth or in the even hand of compassion.

>> No.16481422

>>16481331
>Imagine how effective it would be with all the power of 21st century technology behind it.
Read Ted.

>> No.16481504
File: 66 KB, 595x842, 1593468562508.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16481504

>>16481375
Cry more you little leftoid bitch. You're pretty good at it

>> No.16481541

>>16481504
Pic is something that does bother me, as someone who leans left. Say what you will about 4chan and other right-leaning sites, no one gets deplatformed. Meanwhile on Youtube/Reddit/Twitter right-wingers are constantly banned. Sure they're private companies and the 1st Amendment doesn't apply, but it's the spirit of the thing.

>inb4 leftists get banned too
1 subreddit (chapotraphouse) vs dozens of right wing ones, really?

>> No.16481551

>>16481541
When leftists get bad it's not a great look either, it's just the left cannibalizing itself. It's always either they did nothing actually wrong or they're a rapist/pedo, no in between.

>> No.16481561

>>16481541
4chan is only incidentally right-leaning, it's technically apolitical. Most far-right sites and blogs are quite ban-happy, the NRX guys were something of an exception to that rule, some kind of lolbertarian holdover I guess.

>> No.16481571
File: 157 KB, 680x750, 6a00d83452403c69e201b8d26a31a1970c-800wi.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16481571

>>16481504
> leftism can't survive without censorship.
Well, why should the left tolerate the intolerant? If your enemy has censorship and a diminishing of rights in its agenda, you'd be stupid and social not to censure them and keep them at bay.

https://www.declineoftheempire.com/2020/07/should-a-liberal-society-tolerate-intolerance.html

>> No.16481573

>>16481561
t. leftover summerfag

>> No.16481583

>>16481571
Excuses and virtue signaling, you're just predatory cry bullies whose ideals are so fucking weak that dissent needs to be censored so they aren't refuted or challenged and it remains as the prevailing "truth"

>> No.16481592

>>16481571
*suicidal, not social (Fucking auto-correct)

>> No.16481603

>>16481573
Im a newfag, first came around 08 to check out /b/, started actually posting regularly in 11

>> No.16481705

I drink too much. I've done so since I was a little boy.

>> No.16482324

>>16464818
Better than bukowski

>> No.16482355

Thank you Electric Awesome Father.
Thank you for plague and pestilence, killer faucets that outwit modern man at the peak of his intelligence.
Thank you for the greedy people whose gluttony knows no bound as they feast themselves to urgent sleep.
Thank you for the ignoramus, the inane, the mundane, as they become the new commonplace commonsense.
Thank you for the unsustainably insane whose mind stares at stark falsehood and later ponders where it went wrong.
Thank you for suicidal satanists whose life bleeds through the eons, the dull ache felt by none.
Blessed be the innocent, the ignorant.
Blessed be antiquity.. the caveman, the barbarian, the tyrant, the liar.
Blessed be the ETERNAL AND UNDYING LIGHT

>> No.16482610

>>16481291
Glad you enjoyed it

>> No.16482714

>>16479796
You speak like a naive feminist "if you dislike what I say you must be an incel". Have you ever thought about the idea that maybe you are wrong? Maybe we have reasons to hate degeneracy?

>> No.16482718

>>16471123
Go away

>> No.16483338

>>16478828
Anyone?

>> No.16483352

>>16483338
>>16478828
I think it means "will lead".

>> No.16483375

I suspect it is not by groveling in what was difficult that we grow. we pray for forgiveness, trust that we have it, and exercise patience. I believe I've grown a lot in the last few years, and all of it simply for praying when I needed help, and then trusting that the help would come. thinking through things that went wrong, exploring darker parts of yourself... you can not expel darkness with darkness.

I say this because I've taken a dive down an alleyway so to speak, and just to see if I could handle myself. But your worth isn't proven by your ability to keep heart as the shadows creep in. Or if it is, it certainly isn't proving by you turning off the lights so there's something to be scared about. Growth, true human strength is in trust. Trust that you have a place, that you have worth. That you don't have to prove yourself. No I should back out of this alleyway. I'm only waiting for the shadows to have their last say before I let them go. After all, I did give them life. I should see who they are. Maybe it would be better to just leave.

>> No.16483381

>>16468441
I too am haunted to this day by a response I gave to my philosophy teacher - basically "thinking..... is..... hard... " with a Brendan Fraser AOL interview affect. It was like admitting to the world that I am a fucking retard, I wonder if he thought I was? Is this my fate forever, to be chained to this embarrassment?

>> No.16483386

I'm so angry that doctors put me on meds that I never needed without even considering to tell me the ways it was going to fuck up my hormonal cycles. I hate the dumb bitch I was in love with who convinced me to go on them. I hate that I convinced myself that I needed them in the first place, I hate that I wanted them. If I had known the side effects these dumb drugs would have I would have considered something else, but I didn't hear even get a single fucking hint of it from my doctor who only needed to hear me say "I'm sad" before prescribing them to me.

Any young guys thinking of going on medication, only do so if you feel you are literally on the verge of suicide. Otherwise, please consider other methods. You're doctor WILL lie to you.

>> No.16483409

>>16483386
this was not an SSRI I take it? SSRIs are usually the first medication they try for depression, and they are not very invasive as far as I know (having taken them for 2 years). they don't work for a lot of people, but there's essentially no harm in trying an SSRI and it worked for me. I can't say anything about whatever they try if SSRIs don't work tho.

>> No.16483425

>>16482714
I mean, that assumes they're acting in good faith, or even have any capacity for self consciousness.

>> No.16483789

College wants me justify my presence to them in writing like “yeah I’m a gay ally feminist leader” when really I am paying them inordinate $$$ to sleep in a closet in proximity to a communal toilet. Tertiary study is a weird place of exploitation where the students are paying to be patronized and harassed for four years just for a slim chance to get a job that will pay more than the money and time they have already wasted. God I wish I had been smart enough to drop out of highschool

>> No.16483975
File: 1.24 MB, 1080x2280, 1558938859837.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16483975

Is it possible to find God without having any spiritual experience? I have very similar values with Christianity but I feel like it is wrong to start with way, in some way I feel like it is selfish... Appreciate any answers

>> No.16484297

>>16483975
I found a relationship through God out of a necessity. metaphorically speaking you could say I was in a shipwreck and saw no other way out. that's a common way I think. only years later did I have what I think were true spiritual experiences, but my trust in God was still real. Try praying if you haven't. Other than that just reading scripture. I'm not christian, but I respect christianity and as far as I gather the faith centers pretty heavily on what Jesus said and did, so searching there can't be all wrong.

>> No.16484375

>>16484297
well, what I mean is... the relationship with God is imo one thing. it is completely intuitive. it is like the heart coming to rest, but that isn't really matched with any "knowledge" or "insight" other than the belief that you can trust God. by spiritual experiences I mean experiences which I believe are of what is commonly termed "heaven", or "the other world". these can be dramatic, compared to the subtlety of trusting God, but in reality they are much less than that trust.

>> No.16484516

My Dad and I live together in a two-storey house in a humid tropical country. My two sisters and mother moved to another country. The junk our family has collectively accumulated is starting to contract mildew and quarantine has given me some but not enough time to take away some things but I don't think it's enough. I've always had bad allergies and this has impeded my progress; school and being lazy has had similar effects. My Mom wants to me stay with them since winter is starting.

>> No.16484555

Once i used to write whats on my mind. Now my mind is empty and my heart full. So is my bladder. Bye.

>> No.16485206

Every board is filled with retards.

>> No.16485393
File: 500 KB, 426x577, 1488233266895.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16485393

I'm literally retarded.
I don't understand anything of what other people say and I do stuff like i did it the first day even after months of doing it.
Today I almost got run over because I can't into streets.
My favorite book is the Count of Montecristo.

>> No.16486054

>>16463811
I hooked up with a girl a year or so ago, and we slept together on two occasions. After those couple dates, I realized I didn't want to be with her, nor, once it dawned upon me, was I comfortable with how quickly I'd gotten physical with a random woman I didn't even like. When I told her that I wasn't interested in her in moving forward, she barraged me with insults like fuckboi and what not, and, at the time, it blindsided me and filled me with shame and guilt. I thought it was my fault. Did I wrong the girl? We both had consensual sex, yes. I guess I would say that I had the "boyfriend"-sex with her. Passionate eyes, whispering into her ear, caringly playing with her hair, touching her skin. It was genuine. Did she think that because of this that I wanted to be in a relationship with her?

She wasn't some exemplar of moral virtue btw. She was the type of girl who called me in the middle of another tinder date. She openly told me she only made out on the first date with guys if she knew she wouldn't see them again.

When she was insulting me, I told her to stop and not speak so disrespectfully to me. I told her I did nothing wrong, but the sheer vitriol she spewed made me feel like I had done something wrong and that maybe there was something wrong with my character. I've never had this sort of encounter where a woman has so tried to assassinate my character.

>> No.16486094

love is trust beyond reason
feel it in my core
a rope from me to him
it's simple, and more.

I was head back
on the throne
felt it in my core
and the stream
from the hips, to his lips
I'm forever marked
a ship on an image board -
who thought,
i'd ever find land

>> No.16486100

>>16486054
hoes be crazy man, you did good.
Not your fault that you actually know how to fuck and she got hitched to you.

>> No.16486118

I want to want to write. I don't write when I want to, because I'm doing something else. And I don't write when I can, because I don't want to.

>> No.16486132

truth is, I think I'm a man slut. Not because I have sex a lot, but because I've never declined nor not wanted sex when the opportunity has presented itself. almost every single instance I've had sex is simply because a woman has seemed to want to do it with me. they didn't even have to be smart or interesting or pretty. anything from a below-average, cute-in-the-right-light kind of girl who was willing was good enough for me.

and I think I enjoyed it honestly. I enjoyed sleeping with different women. I didn't sleep with one woman more than twice because, frankly, I didn't enjoy sex with people I don't emotionally connect with. But it was the game, the thrill, the pleasure of going on a date with someone and having a good conversation and feeling the buzz of the drinks and playing that push-and-pull and charming them and then the sheer surge of pleasure hormones when you actually head back to their bedroom and take their clothes off. unbeliavable. I didn't even get a full erection most times. I didn't even want them to touch me because I know they'd never make me cum. I just wanted to make them cum many many many times. and then I kiss them on the lips like a boyfriend would. and then I'd leave and never be interested in them ever again.

>> No.16486142

>>16486054
I had a similar situation anon, and I don't think your intentions were wrong, but her pain was nonetheless real. I've just ended a 3 month relationship with a woman who did the same, character assassinations galore, and now I think I'm done with sex and relationships until I've righted my own ship. And when I do get back into it, I won't be having sex until I know this woman is wife-worthy and also fits into my plans. I'm done breaking hearts, its really fucked up desu and I no longer have the ignorance to say "but I was being genuine." (which was also my defense in these situations)

>> No.16486144

>>16465732
>New York Times
>Wall Street Journal

Peak bugman

>> No.16486147

Philosophy is almost completely useless and I wasted my time studying it. The only useful type of knowledge is technical knowledge or “know how”. The only thing studying philosophy teaches you to do is communicate with other useless college students or academics who spend their time on word puzzles and generate essays that nobody wants to read. I wish I had spent all that time learning how to draw or play an instrument or at least studying the natural sciences. Spending time learning skills and trying things is the only thing that matters.

>> No.16486161

>>16486132
>>16486142
This is depressing

>> No.16486179 [DELETED] 

truth is, I think I'm a slut. Not because I have sex a lot, but because I've never declined nor not wanted sex when the opportunity has presented itself. almost every single instance I've had sex is simply because a man has seemed to want to do it with me. they didn't even have to be smart or interesting or handsome. anything from a below-average, cute-in-the-right-light kind of guy who was willing was good enough for me.

and I think I enjoyed it honestly. I enjoyed sleeping with different men. I didn't sleep with one man more than twice because, frankly, I didn't enjoy sex with people I don't emotionally connect with. But it was the game, the thrill, the pleasure of going on a date with someone and having a good conversation and feeling the buzz of the drinks and playing that push-and-pull and charming them and then the sheer surge of pleasure hormones when you actually head back to their bedroom and take your clothes off. unbeliavable. I didn't even get a wet most times. I didn't even want them to touch me because I know they'd never make me cum. I just wanted to make them cum many many many times. and then I kiss them on the lips like a girlfriend would. and then I'd leave and never be interested in them ever again.

>> No.16486190

truth is, I think I'm a slut. Not because I have sex a lot, but because I've never declined nor not wanted sex when the opportunity has presented itself. almost every single instance I've had sex is simply because a man has seemed to want to do it with me. they didn't even have to be smart or interesting or handsome. anything from a below-average, cute-in-the-right-light kind of guy who was willing was good enough for me.

and I think I enjoyed it honestly. I enjoyed sleeping with different men. I didn't sleep with one man more than twice because, frankly, I didn't enjoy sex with people I don't emotionally connect with. But it was the game, the thrill, the pleasure of going on a date with someone and having a good conversation and feeling the buzz of the drinks and playing that push-and-pull and charming them and then the sheer surge of pleasure hormones when you actually head back to their bedroom and take your clothes off. unbeliavable. I didn't even get wet most times. I didn't even want them to touch me because I know they'd never make me cum. I just wanted to make them cum many many many times. and then I kiss them on the lips like a girlfriend would. and then I'd leave and never be interested in them ever again.

>> No.16486211

>>16486142
is there some talk you had with yourself that at least gave you some mental equanimity? should I have done something different? I still feel bad when I think about her, even tho I don't why I feel like I did something wrong

>> No.16486224

>>16486211
Participating in hedonistic desecration of sex is what you did wrong. She is equally guilty but you are only responsible for yourself

>> No.16486292

>>16486211
I journaled about it and conversed with myself. It helps a lot. I don't think you were wrong if you were genuine, but be aware that having intimate sex and acting the way you described will make women fall for you, especially fuck girls, because they aren't used to be treated like that. What's done is done, all you can do is be more careful with peoples hearts going forward. Which we all should do, desu. Chasing after sex, even if you get laid a lot, is rooted in insecurity and generally hurts people. Intentionally looking for monogamy with someone who fits is the way to go

>> No.16486313

>>16486292
>>16486142
What makes you want to have intimate, loving sex with women you do not love or even like?

>> No.16486325

>>16466745
Keep up the good work Anon.

>> No.16486354

>>16486313
I generally like the women I'm fucking, at least. I just love women desu. If a woman is beautiful and has a sense of humor, what else is better? And to talk to hold her hand and stroke her arm, kiss her cheek as you talk to her? Intimacy feels amazing. I kind of love every woman I do this with in a childish way. I love experiencing them. I hate fucking like some animal pornstar too, it doesn't do it for me, it feels forced. Doesn't really answer your Q, I just love experiencing a woman in a slow sensual way. Probably because I'm generally very driven and focused in my day to day life, the moments I have to just 'be,' no pressure, with a woman are blissful

>> No.16486359

>>16477906
Loved it Anon

>> No.16486375

is there anyone even remotely important in your life who you've never lied to ?

>> No.16486390

>>16486094
Calm yet sensual. Good work anon.

>> No.16486402

>>16486354
Your problem seems to be in your lack of discernment. You could probably be related to the stereotype of "the man who won't commit" which women complain about often. You want intimacy and connection but your pursuit of it is shallow and hedonistic. You might be scared of the limitation and difficulties that may come from devotion to one woman, or you may just not know how to find it. If you found a single woman who was worth committing to and take her as your wife, you could experience much deeper intimacy without the degradation of either of your souls.

>> No.16486409

>>16486402
All correct, I can't into commitment right now because of my goals. Such is life, should be fine in 2-4 years when I'm established

>> No.16486416

>>16486375
Lies are not made equal.

>> No.16486419

>>16482714
>Maybe we have reasons to hate degeneracy?
Enumerate them. That it hurts your feelings doesn't count.

>> No.16486439

>>16486409
>All correct, I can't into commitment right now because of my goals.
This is an excuse and I'm sure you know it is, but good luck finding what you want when you're in a more comfortable place to do so.

>> No.16486480

>>16464217
There has never been a time when the flow of information was the 'objective' sort that you're seemingly nostaging for here, whatever 'objective' could even mean in this sense; those in power have always controlled 'the news' - whatever that could mean 。。。

>> No.16486484

>>16486439
If I say I don't want a car now because I want to save money- is that an excuse? Its a description. I can't date women without being worn down by my self critical thoughts saying "you aren't where you need to be." So I don't.

>> No.16486499

>>16466510
godspeed bruv

>> No.16486519

>>16486375
Most of them
Unless you are looking to impose a new definition of important to cope with the lies you have made catching up to you

>> No.16486607 [DELETED] 

>>16466510
My parents and sister always pull shit like that. If I think about it too much I really start to hate them, even tho generally they are ok to spend time with on a surface level, but when I look back at growing up with their attitudes, god no wonder I've underperformed in life. Just thinking about, it I never want to talk to or see them again, but then later they will be like "We're cooking dinner for the long weekend, why don't you stop by" and I'll be like oh why not it's a free home cooked meal. Then I will spend an afternoon absorbing subconscious negativity.

>> No.16487186

I failed to write on the term paper in time. It's due tomorrow and I will not deliver it. However I will finish it and use it as my undergrad thesis, so the invested time is not wasted.
It feels bad because I failed. Again. I had so much time.
At the beginning of this year everything was still fine but Corona fucked my plans and I have difficulties motivating myself doing anything.
Moving back to my parents was a big mistake.
It's all so tiresome.

>> No.16487376

>>16486313
Honestly I just liked the attention, being desired by women and all that. And also proving to myself that I'm capable of being sexually desired by a woman.

Damn, the more I think about it, it wasn't about actually fucking them, it was about my faith in myself that I could fuck someone.

Anyway, when we're in bed, I just enjoy giving pleasure to them. I enjoy sharing love i had in my heart.

Fuck, I'm realising that most of the sex in my life was borne out of a desire to be desired and to have power. It wasn't even horniness.

>> No.16487476

>>16479153
im in the same boat, she just cries and has a panic attack i tried breaking up with her like 4 times bro, this shit is fucked, im about to sign a year lease why am i such a fucking beta faggot dude, i just want to leave and be alone i hate this stupid bitch so much. she is hot though, thats my ONLY respite. HEEEEEEELP

>> No.16487902

>>16487476
>>16479153
>>16479548
Oh shit. I'm the girlfriend in this situation. I hope I can shape up before he breaks up with me too haha...

>> No.16487913

I just put my cat to sleep. Had her for 18 years. It sucks

>> No.16487918

>>16487913
Get over it.

>> No.16487928

>>16487918
Thanks anon

>> No.16487940

>>16487476
>>16479153
people like this are sometimes more deliberately manipulative than they let on, but even if they arent, they are still being extremely manipulative in a way that will ultimately destroy their lives because they will end up surrounded by only the people who are themselves fucked up enough to accommodate it

a woman doesnt get to act like a petulant child her whole life just because she's a woman. you're doing her a favor by showing her that at least not every partner is going to "y-yes dear nevermind...." when she throws a fit.

unfortunately fixing their emotional and mental issues will probably be a long road, and thats even if they agreed they are issues and wanted to. what happens to women like this is it seeps into everything they do until every reaction to the world is conditioned by it. it's like being born wealthy and solving every problem by binge spending, it would eventually become the only coping mechanism you have and stopping it would be impossible past a certain point

i have dealt with women like this, they can get so bad sometimes that theyll just be telling you a fucking story about their work or whatever and if you go "hmmm" like you don't agree they will preemptively start acting like there is about to be a "problem" if you don't stop, they don't even know what you're going to fucking say yet and they're already saying "nigga i'll cry/scream/cold shoulder you for a week if you make me feel sadbadmad right now, tread carefully"

>> No.16487987

>>16487913
sounds like she lived a full life man, you should be proud

to me the miracle of life is too great to believe that it's all meaningless, that something beautiful and pure like your cat, and the companionship you had with her, could be just a brief interlude in an otherwise cold dead world

if it is just an interlude, it's at least a beautiful one, but i suspect that experiences like the ones you had with your cat are traces and hints of a greater good underlying it all. in which case wherever she is now, it's like waking up from a beautiful dream (her life with you), and not like going to sleep after being awake for a brief time... if that makes any sense

i think grief is just scrambled gratitude, it takes a while to be able to think of her and feel only happiness that whatever the universe is or isn't, your two lives intersected, and you were able to give her a happy one

>> No.16488130

I’m twenty-two and I growing more certain everyday that I have a chronic nerve condition. Multiple sclerosis or something of the sort.

For at least the last two years I have felt off in a very hard to describe way. Getting out of bed seems difficult and so does going on with the rest of my day. I lack vitality and my mind is permanently cloudy. My short-term memory, planning and creativity are not what I remember them to be. From having just finished three years of university, I was able to observe a huge pool of equally aged peers and their associated lives. There appears to be an inherent quality they possess that is not present within me. This energy, that leads them to pursue relationships and ambitions, or to renounce such things and simply mess around. Whereas I am simply static. My sense of taste, of smell and of touch are all diminished. I don’t feel that there is anything between my legs and I don’t get aroused. It’s been years since I last remember waking up with an erection. But this apparent eunuch state is not compensated with any sense of enlightenment. My mind simply hums like a washing machine and nothing is able to grip me with passion. Attempting to read leads to me eternally looping over the same paragraph. I burn out similarly when trying to enjoy similar sedentary activities that I remember enjoying before, such as looking at films, photography or art. Going for a jog makes me hot and nauseous.

I am supposed to be in my prime but I don’t seem to be able to reap any its associated benefits. As I watch my peers sail away from me to colourful horizons, I feel nothing but helpless. Though I can no longer be moved to strong emotions, neither positive nor negative ones. I now live from doctors appointment to doctors appointment, spaced about fortnightly, and where the gaps are filled with my decrepit NEET mode of being. I am lucky to be spoiled by my parents in that sense. Since it’s hard for something like this to be diagnosed, I have to go through an exclusionary method and I’m ironically disappointed when I’m told things like my blood test being perfectly fine. Getting an MRI will be the definite way to know. Weirdly, I am looking forward to this day because it will give me certainty.

As I lay awake at night at impossible hours, unable for my body to fall asleep, I feel what can only be described as very low voltage shocks at my extremities. I get warm, prickly, itchy feelings crawling along on my dry skin. I find myself in a state of unintellectual existentialism, caused primarily biologically. Now I reexamine my entire formed personality and realise that many of my beliefs and attitudes come from a place of discomfort. When brushing my teeth at 5 A.M., I part my thinning hair and look at my unshaven face. I can sometimes recognize that of my grandfathers with his distinct moustache.

>> No.16488154

>>16488130
I know it's a meme but this just sounds like clinical depression and insomnia. It could be caused by something neurological but don't be surprised if they don't find anything like that

>> No.16488164

>>16487987
Thank you for the kind words anon, I feel similarly too. Hard not to feel sad right now but she did live a full life and I'm glad to have had her. She was the sweetest cat I ever met.

>> No.16488205

>>16488154
Yea I that hope it is that as opposed to something chronic but I also have my doubts. Either way I'll be seeing a therapist in future.

>> No.16489370

>>16463811
Who the fuck are you people? What the fuck is going on?

>> No.16489454
File: 105 KB, 640x458, e3da6471dadd8ec59b4f420a6a33cd17.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
16489454

Lately I've been pondering about my college major and what I want to do in my adult life. I came to the conclusion that I want to be a conservation scientist or forester. Does anyone have any recommendations on books that are in said field, and are useful for those new to the topic?

>> No.16489504

>>16486390
Thank you :p.
I tried to do it in a bit of a rap flow and the flow seems weird to me now.

>> No.16490123

How the hell did QAnon grow into a million-follower movement?

>> No.16490266

>>16489454
/sci/ will be more help than here

>> No.16490278

>>16490266
Thanks. I'll give them a shot.

>> No.16490307

>>16489454
Try searching warosu, I remember an oddly detailed post about this recently(ish) here but I may be misremembering. I just remember someone who was clearly passionate about it, talking about how you can get set up by the gov if you're serious.

>> No.16490390

God I’m retarded

>> No.16490394

>>16486375
It is practically an ethical necessity to lie to delusional mothers

>> No.16490434

>>16463811
I just moved to a major city and I'm going to be poor for a year working a low paying job barely paying for essentials with not much left over. I made this choice at 21 because I'm taking a gap year for school. I hope this was the right choice and that despite being poor as all hell, that I can meet people and make the most of it instead of regret never having tried it at 30 or 40 or whenever the fuck. I'm scared and excited and not sure if either one is the right one

>> No.16490548

>>16490434
Well if its only for a year just try to make the most of it. I'm nearing 30 and it sounds like something I wish I had done. I just wished I did more in my 20s in general

>> No.16490549

>>16465281
No they don't.