Evaluation of fruits eaten when reading (no e-book edition)

[Anonymous No.1621866]

~Banana~

- Pros: Easy to eat, comes with a natural package, tasty and nutricious
- Cons: Phallic, have to get rid off peel, where the juice at?

~Apple~

- Pros: Easy to eat, classic fruit, can be eaten entirely (real men methods), cool to throw in air and catch again
- Cons: makes my teeth hurt from the inside (just me? idk), unoriginal fruit, hard, low good apple to bad apple ratio, juice drops on the page

~orange~

- Pros: yummy its an orange, already split into parts (ty god), makes surroundings smell nice
- Cons: epic spillage flooding the pages, peeling effort, orange juice might squirt in eyes when peeling --> one-eyed reading skills required

~pear~

- Pros: really tasty (only eat it ripe not when its still hard or i will come to your house and murderfuck yuo), easy to handle
- Cons: juice drops ftl, weird skin, no balance when layed down

I will revied more fruits in a minute, please feel free to add your own, discuss and make rankings. Have fun and please refrain from trolling!

[None !WvWWh.l.CE No.1621869]

>Cons: Phallic
why is this a con?

[None !WvWWh.l.CE No.1621870]

>con - unoriginal fruit
hipster.

[Anonymous No.1621871]

~cherry~

- Pros: wow, easy to handle (put them in a bowl), very healthy, nice color
- Cons: theres wood inside, colors your fingers red making you flip the pages with your knuckles, maybe too pretentious?

[Anonymous No.1621872]

>>1621869
maybe for guys? i sometimes feel uncomfortable eating banana in public

[Anonymous No.1621875]

~plums~

- Pros: good taste, soft skin feels nice on hands
- Cons: old people fruit (bad image), some are really sour (picking a good plum is like minesweeper), pits

[Anonymous No.1621877]

>>1621872
Just come out of the closet, faggot.

[None !WvWWh.l.CE No.1621878]

>>1621875
plums have juice con as well.

[Anonymous No.1621882]

~avocado~

- Pros: Very healthy, very very tasty, its a real meal (++ reaidng stamina)
- Cons: peeling, fatty --> washing hands afterwards is absolutely necessary, is it even a fruit? im not sure, weird to eat whole

[Anonymous No.1621883]

>>1621878
true, unfortunately 4chan wont let me edit my posts

[Anonymous No.1621884]

I need the lowdown on Kiwi's. I really want one while I read some Dostoevsky but I'm not sure if eating Kiwi's with Russian lit is appropriate...

[Anonymous No.1621885]

>>1621877
> please refrain from trolling!
come back when you cooled down mister

[Savenger !Oat1WobiBc No.1621886]

>>1621882
>is it even a fruit?
Wikipedia says yes, you're in the clear

[None !WvWWh.l.CE No.1621887]

>>1621883
pretty sure there's an edit function.

Edit: yes there is.

[Anonymous No.1621888]

>>1621884
on request

~kiwi~

-Pros: yay kiwi, different eating strategies (challenging fruits ftw), its a holiday in a hairy sack!
-Cons: black seeds inside get stuck in your teeth distracting you from reading, weird tingly feeling after eating, need spoon (strategy 1), need knife (strategy 2), dont need anything (wtf are you just biting at the skin why would you do that?)

[Anonymous No.1621890]

>>1621887
it's only for premium users

[Anonymous No.1621892]

~coconut~

- Pros: lol, real conversation starter, indestructable, lasts long, theres drinks inside!
- Cons: ehh...., indestructable, low effort to ouput ratio, requires a straw

[Anonymous No.1621891]

>>1621871

>theres wood inside

[Anonymous No.1621893]

~blueberries~

- Pros: delicious, put them in a bowl and you can grab handsfull of that stuff and put it in your mouth = oral orgy
- Cons: everything is purple now, theres always a couple of sour ones, gets boring kinda fast --> no real nutricious value

[Savenger !Oat1WobiBc No.1621898]

Request for pineapple review, I could see a lot of potential problems with that one.

[Anonymous No.1621899]

/r/ing Honeydew Melon

[None !WvWWh.l.CE No.1621902]

>>1621888
>dont need anything (wtf are you just biting at the skin why would you do that?)
eating kiwi skin is god tier.

[Anonymous No.1621906]

AUTHOR FRUITS
_________________________
match-up - what fruit to eat when reading a specific author
__________________________

Orange = Burgess
Banana = Pynchon
Apple = Joyce
Tangerine = Murakami
Lemon = Rand
Peach = Nabokov
Grapes = Homer
Cherry = Meyer
Mango = Vonnegut
Pineapple = Wolfe

[Anonymous No.1621908]

Apple is top tier. With that having been said, I won't eat apples without a knife to carve off pieces.

[Savenger !Oat1WobiBc No.1621912]

>>1621902
I peel them off with my other fingernails. you might ask, how do I remove the last fingernail, when no others are left? Well, its' quite simple really: I alternate between tearing off one and the other. When the second to last is gone, the last can be removed with relative ease using only the fingers. Very simple

[Anonymous No.1621914]

>>1621906

>Lemon = Rand

[Anonymous No.1621916]

>>1621906

>Cherry-Meyer
There's a fucking apple right on the cover

>Lemon-Rand
IC what you did there!

[Savenger !Oat1WobiBc No.1621917]

>>1621912
This was in response to your icture by the way, not your actual post

[Anonymous No.1621918]

>>1621875
>Cons: Phallic
>Cons: ...unoriginal fruit
Err. Okay.

Grapes (seedless green ones) are awesome while reading. They're delicious and the only thing you need to do to them prior to eating is wash them. Can't really think up any cons. Maybe that you have to pluck them off the vines? That's not really a con since you don't even have to divert your attention from the page for it.

[Anonymous No.1621919]

>>1621898
ok

~pineapple~

- Pros: BAM! itsa pineapple bitches!!, lots to eat --> spend a whole day gnawing at the pineapple and reading, get creative with the skin (hat?)
- Cons: how does this even work??, its huge, need a big ass knife --> dangerous when reading noir or angsty stuff, every bite tastes the same its all just pineapple youll get bored before finishing

[Anonymous No.1621920]

>>1621918
Don't know why I linked to that post rather than op.

[Anonymous No.1621926]

>>1621918
Have you tried freezing grapes.

I know it might sound crazy, but it is awesome.

[Anonymous No.1621928]

>>1621899
sure

~honeydew melon~

- Pros: its delicious, lot of flesh + lots of juice = lunch in a ball, nice smell
- Cons: effort fruit, need a plate or somethign to cut it on or else youre whole surrounding will be melon, THERE ARE MILLIONS OF SEEDS INSIDE, skin remains, two-handed fruit --> redaing difficulty factor are off teh charts

[Anonymous No.1621927]

>its a holiday in a hairy sack!
>its a holiday in a hairy sack!
>its a holiday in a hairy sack!
>its a holiday in a hairy sack!
>its a holiday in a hairy sack!

[Anonymous No.1621930]

>>1621926
Please imagine the question mark that should be there.`

[Anonymous No.1621934]

>>1621902
what the hell is wrong with you

[Anonymous No.1621944]

>>1621926
Never tried them, sounds pretty weird. Might have to test it sometime. Is it kind of like sorbet?

[Anonymous No.1621945]

~grapes (seedless edition)~

- Pros: easy as hell, tasty, nice feeling when you pluck them off the stick (like popping zits or cutting umbilicalcord), they burst between your mollars
- Cons: skin gets between your teeth (see: kiwi seeds), gets boring fast --> its grapes, just grapes, needs extensive washing (no eco tier) or they taste weird

[Anonymous No.1621954]

>>1621944
In a way, yes. It's pretty odd, but works surprisingly well. I lived with a girl who always ate them like that and it was awesome.

[Anonymous No.1621969]

~lychee~

- Pros: bad-ass it looks like it will fight you, spacey taste, you can squeeze it in your hand and the spines will sting a little and it feels nice, the seed is nice to hold in your mouth and to touch with your tongue
- Cons: ugh peeling hell, very juicy --> bookspots danger, kinda small, you will eventually bite the seed and it will taste like vomit

[Anonymous No.1621985]

Someone to do the durian (never ate one, want to know the pros&cons).

[Anonymous No.1621994]

~cigarette~

pros: good for pondering
cons: burns out in fingers when book is good, ash-spill during page turn, ashtray missing, cancer, not fruit

[Anonymous No.1621998]

>>1621994
-_-;

[Anonymous No.1622003]

>>1621994
...cigarettes aren't a fruit?

They're a vegetable, right? Also, tobacco ice cream.

[Anonymous No.1622035]

this
>>1621985

do the doorian

[Anonymous No.1622046]

~durian~

-Pros: welp at least it doesnt taste like shit, is awesome spikey, hahaha look at all these people thinking something died in here
-Cons: for the love of god someone cut off my nose my brain is bleeding make it stop, peeling effort, everybody hates you now

[deleted No.1622058]

i prefer cashews

[Anonymous No.1622063]

>>1622058
thats a nut, yes?

[Anonymous No.1622067]

>>1622063
Wait... peanuts are legumes and not nuts.

Wikipedia says cashews are nuts in the cullinary sense, but seeds in the botanical sense. Whatever that means.

[Anonymous No.1622071]

>>1622067
i think it means they are like fruit but we eat the seed instead of the flesh

[Anonymous No.1622096]

>>1622071
Is that why they call testicles nuts?

[Anonymous No.1622099]

>>1622096
no, its because both contain the potential of new life and when you swim for a very long time your sack looks like a walnut

[Deep&Edgy !pSkjEcB9sQ No.1622104]

The only legend I have ever loved is
the story of a daughter lost in hell.
And found and rescued there.
Love and blackmail are the gist of it.
Ceres and Persephone the names.
And the best thing about the legend is
I can enter it anywhere.And have.
As a child in exile in
a city of fogs and strange consonants,
I read it first and at first I was
an exiled child in the crackling dusk of
the underworld, the stars blighted.Later
I walked out in a summer twilight
searching for my daughter at bed-time.
When she came running I was ready
to make any bargain to keep her.
I carried her back past whitebeams
and wasps and honey-scented buddleias.
But I was Ceres then and I knew
winter was in store for every leaf
on every tree on that road.
Was inescapable for each one we passed.
And for me.
It is winter
and the stars are hidden.
I climb the stairs and stand where I can see
my child asleep beside her teen magazines,
her can of Coke, her plate of uncut fruit.
The pomegranate!How did I forget it?
She could have come home and been safe
and ended the story and all
our heart-broken searching but she reached
out a hand and plucked a pomegranate.
She put out her hand and pulled down
the French sound for apple and
the noise of stone and the proof
that even in the place of death,
at the heart of legend, in the midst
of rocks full of unshed tears
ready to be diamonds by the time
the story was told, a child can be
hungry.I could warn her.There is still a chance.
The rain is cold.The road is flint-coloured.
The suburb has cars and cable television.
The veiled stars are above ground.
It is another world.But what else
can a mother give her daughter but such
beautiful rifts in time?
If I defer the grief I will diminish the gift.
The legend will be hers as well as mine.
She will enter it.As I have.
She will wake up.She will hold
the papery flushed skin in her hand.
And to her lips.I will say nothing.

[Anonymous No.1622108]

>>1622104
this review is pretty much unreadable, you should stick to the format in the OP

[Anonymous No.1622139]

>>1622108

How dense are you? He's clearly stating pros and cons of eating pomegranates while reading.

[Anonymous No.1622174]

I feel obliged to mention even as I'm a small reader that this is the best thread ever.

I do enjoy carrots myself, but it's a vegetable, not a fruit.

Also, some insight on strawberries and raspberries ?

[Anonymous No.1622179]

gtfo you fu/ck/nuckle

[Anonymous No.1622182]

>>1622174

This can't be "the best thread ever", it wasn't made by Brownbear!

[Anonymous No.1622183]

>>1622179
you could also do this: fucknu/ck/le

[Anonymous No.1622186]

>>1622179
you hate fruit!?

[Anonymous No.1622191]

>>1622183
good point, but, imo, it loses some of its substance if it doesn't cut between the words

[Anonymous No.1622196]

>>1622191
true true, but i like the 'le' you have at the end this way. gives it a bit of a fancy french vibe