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/lit/ - Literature

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16215683 No.16215683 [Reply] [Original]

title. thanks

>A tranquil quiet sounds at the bottom
>of the ocean. Gentle lulling and plain blackness
>comfort fears and numb pain.
>The pressure above holds you tight in its arms
>and rocks you to silent sleep.

>The water is nothing to fear -- as we came
>from the mud so we return. The liquid fills
>our lungs and chokes our worries.
>A tiny shimmer of light breaks through the surface
>and warms the blanket of sea.

>Can you hear my voice up there? Can you hear anything?
>Nothing is reaching. Nothing can shake this.

>Where does the soft light come from? Who makes it?
>My head is splitting. I can't shake this.

>> No.16215777

>>16215683
gay

>> No.16217357

bump

>> No.16218697

It doesnt rhyme or have rhythm, it sucks

>> No.16218707
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16218707

>>16215683
It doesn't have enough historicity, what are you doing here and what are you bring back or originally creating? These things can only be answered with history.

If you can find it, read T.S. Eliot's introduction to an edition of Pounds non-Cantos poems which is incredibly insightful for beginning poetry and understanding its historicity.

>> No.16219478

>>16218707
could you explain it further with a Pound poem?

>> No.16219968

>>16215683
realiance on cliches. there's nothing interesting in your language. the poem's not saying anything new