/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.16052604]

Sir please open up, this is the Literary Police. We've had reports of someone at this residence buying dozens of books but not reading a single one of them.
Do you care to set the record straight?

[Anonymous No.16052608]

The record? Uh that one is in my backlog, I'll get to it soon

[Anonymous No.16052615]

>>16052604
G-giulty, I-I'll come quietly.

[Anonymous No.16052652]

>>16052604
JUST A MINUTE!

[Anonymous No.16052694]

>>16052604
I pirate all my books officer

[Anonymous No.16052700]

>>16052604
They were shit and not worth reading.

[Anonymous No.16052716]

It was the chart threads, officer! You can’t just buy the book you want, officer!
I wanted to read Herzog, but I must start start with the Iliad, you understand, officer? No? You fool!
Unhand me, pseud! won’t go quietly!
Aaaaarggh!!!!

[Anonymous No.16052726]

I shall contest such slanderous rumor by informing you that I have read the first twenty some fifty pages of no less than several said books in my possession.

[Anonymous No.16052748]

JUST A MOMENT OFFICERS! I'm having an argument in an anonymous Bulgarian stamp collectors forum about literature I haven't read but have on my shelf.

[Anonymous No.16052764]

>>16052604
>beads of sweat begin to pool on my face, I begin stammering and murmur:
>>i-infinite j-jest
>suddenly the polizia have knocked down my door with a tremendous tome covered in blue, paired with pisscoloured letters, which I make out only to be "jest"
>quickly, I scale the ladder in my room that reaches its hands up to a skylight above me, I thrust my fist into the perplex and it breaks off from the glue. So I sez,
>>Seeya later pigs! F-fuck 12, a-and that's on gang.
>I'm sprinting across the tiles of my rooftop, when some of them come loose. I begin sliding as I run, almost toppling over and dangerously close to the edge. I yelp out:
>>S-s-s-shit!
>Regaining my footing isn't easy, but I manage to balance myself with my arms outspread like I'm about to hug a carebear.
>Quickly, I think, I better hightail it outta here before they come a-wrappin' their shackles around my wrists and ankles.
>Do the only thing I know will get me out of a lifetime sentence of pseudery with intent to distribute pseud remarks.
>>I b-better an hero this one.
>With the pose of Jesus Christ on the crucifix, I jump off the roof and splat onto the ground, darkness consuming me like I'm a turd going reverseways into the insides of an anus.

[Anonymous No.16052872]

>>16052604
Must be a false report, I have dozens of 'unread' books as some would say, but I have actually read at least 10 pages from every single one of them.

[Anonymous No.16053026]

>>16052604
I CAN'T READ

[Anonymous No.16053032]

>>16052604
GET OFF MY LAWN

[Anonymous No.16053038]

I get all my books from thrift stores at $1-4 each, it's not a big deal, officer.

[Anonymous No.16053041]

>>16052604
A lot of the books I buy are out of print, so I have to buy them when I see them, even if they go unread, since I won’t know when I’ll see another copy.

[Anonymous No.16053649]

>>16052604
But officer, they're not really literature, so it doesn't count, right?

[Anonymous No.16053659]

>>16052604
I'm holding them for a friend

[Anonymous No.16053664]

>>16053649
why so many books about nazis?

[Anonymous No.16053667]

>>16052604
They're reading material for my pension.

[Anonymous No.16053682]

>>16053649
Looks like a fun time.

[Anonymous No.16053706]

>>16052604
Who, what, where, and how I read is none of your goddamn business.

[Anonymous No.16053819]

>>16053706
Sir, we’re gonna need you to come downtown.