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/lit/ - Literature

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16003558 No.16003558 [Reply] [Original]

>library got rid of the falcons because they've been found to transmit covid

>> No.16003565
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16003565

>tfw your local library's Harold Bloom died of covid

>> No.16003567
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16003567

>falcons got rid of the library because it's been known to transmit covid

>> No.16003584
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16003584

>SHKREEEEEEEEEEEEE
snnxndjhsgsgsbsjsbdbbsn!?.!?.!.):$$:!/&’

>> No.16003622
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16003622

>>16003584
hell yeah dude peregrine falcons
what's some /lit/ about birds that you guys have read?

>> No.16003675

>>16003558
they stopped selling crab legs at mine after people kept getting butter all over the pages but they never replaced the books so now half the books have greasy butter stains on them and i still don't get to have any crab legs

>> No.16003703

>falcons spread corvid-19
>the crows don't
what moon logic is this?

>> No.16003710

>>16003703
Do not question it.

>> No.16003919
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16003919

>>16003558
>not getting rid of human librarians
Humans transmit it too.

>> No.16003930

>>16003703
but if you get enough crows together, they're murder

>> No.16003943

>>16003567
That's a hawk

>> No.16005459

>library showers are open again
>have to social distance
JUST

>> No.16005482
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16005482

>>16005459

>> No.16005860
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16005860

>>16003558
>library orgy pit closed
>soft drink machines gummed up
>resident homeless masturbator moved out due to covid
JUST

>> No.16005904

>>16003675
Underrated

>> No.16005975

>>16003703
>accusing the crows just because they're corvids
this is why we cocooned the dyslexics
>>16003622
>he might not know about JA Baker's The Peregrine
Anon you are going to need to put that hell yeah in caps

>> No.16005992

My library had to put down their collection of pit vipers.

>> No.16006025
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16006025

>>16003558
>"do you guys have the Maltese Falcon?"
>"we got rid of it because falcons have been found to transmit covid"
>came all the way. might as well hang around. pay a dollar to visit the manlet reading pit. listen to the head manlet read stories to group.

>> No.16006037

>>16003943
you're a hawk

>> No.16006043
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16006043

>>16005975
>JA Baker's The Peregrine
you have intrigued me

>> No.16006079

I’m in Texas and our library’s chili dog stand as well as its petting aquarium are still open. Pussies. We don’t give a fuck if stingrays transmit covid.

>> No.16006114

>>16006025

>as you walk out of the library
>"Hey...psst...buddy, over here!"
>You see guy in a dirty trench coat hiding behind the bushes.
>"I heard uh, you're interested in uh...falconry huh?"
>You nod.
>He pulls a tattered, dirty copy of the Maltese Falcon out. "This uh, interest you any?"
>"Heck yeah Mr! How much?"
>"Fifty bucks!"
>"Aw geez, Now i ain't going to be able to afford that handjob, well ok then, here you go!"
>"Thanks pal"
>You take it home, read it.
>Sure enough.
>You get covid.

>> No.16006207

>>16006079
>Texan chili
Pass. Is Mexico open?

>> No.16006243
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16006243

>the library's hair salon is still closed
>they reopened the gloryholes 4 months ago

I JUST WANT A HAIRCUT WHILE I READ AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

>> No.16006279
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16006279

>social distancing is in effect
>can't grope the women in the YA section like they do in my favorite JAVs
SO MUCH FOR LAND OF THE FREE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

>> No.16006295

>>16006279
>his library doesn't have groping robots
Come to Japan, anon-sama

>> No.16006314
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16006314

>>16003558
>almost didn't pass my exam recitation of the Epic of Gilgamesh in Hittite
be careful, bros

>> No.16006364

>Want to get to the library and finally pick up the copy of "Der Falkenarschficker" by Von Tittleschist
>Riot police and trump fed death squads still firing on people trying to get in.
>Well, looks like another day filled with tranny porn.

>> No.16006393
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16006393

>government got rid of the library

>> No.16006435
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16006435

>library has all the bullshit preventive measures in place to stop COVID from spreading
>still haven't captured the library dwarf

>> No.16006579

My library's proctologist is on a ventilator right now, so my snapping turtle's hemorrhoids are out of control.

>> No.16006822
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16006822

>library ghost read Plato and now won't stop LARPing as Socrates in the philosophy section
>poor souls trying to reach the self help section can regularly be seen walking out of there in tears, utterly broken and unsure of anything

>> No.16006828

>>16003558
>>16003567
>>16003584
>>16003622

i want to have sex with the falcons

>> No.16006977

>>16003558
falcum haha

>> No.16007164
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16007164

>sly librarian shifts the bookcases behind you, trapping you deep within the library
>to escape the book labyrinth you must solve his obscure riddles based around classic American novels such as The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, To Kill a Mockingbird, and The Bell Jar

>> No.16007165
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16007165

>>16003675
kek

>> No.16007272
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16007272

>>16006828
based birdfucker

>> No.16008203
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16008203

>library replaced the falcons with owls
>keep asking them where I can find my favorite authors
>they keep going WHO!? WHO!?

>> No.16008209

>>16008203
kek

>> No.16008219

>>16008203
The resident Joyce scholar in our library complained about those and they just replaced them with shrieking barn owls. You're going to have to live with them not knowing Pynchon.

>> No.16008236

>>16008203
>>16008219
>my library cheaped out and replaced them with squirrels
>ask for Pynchon
>they bring me a pinecone and laugh at me while stealing all my nuts
>afraid to ask for gravity's rainbow specifically because I know they shit in one guy's coat
Send pine martens pls

>> No.16008293

>>16007165
>>16005904
>>16003675
>>>/tv/

>> No.16008768
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16008768

>>16008203
>Library falcons threaten to unionize
>Next week I come in and the library buffet is nothing but very lean, gamy rotisserie chicken

>> No.16008779
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16008779

>concentration camp got rid of the movie theater because of the typhus outbreak

>> No.16008795

>>16006435
He's in the ventilation, probably. I remember we had a pretty bad infestation before and we had to smoke the little bastards out.

>> No.16009898

>>16008795
Someone at my library tried this once. Never again. They had the bright idea to burn the book cheese to flush him out. Seven people died that day from the fumes.