/Write What's On Your Mind/ - Two Books Behind Schedule Edition

[Anonymous No.15866834]

>Now, even when I make an outfit for myself, I wonder what other people will think. The truth is that I secretly love what seems to be my own individuality, and I hope I always will, but fully embodying it is another matter. I always want everyone to think I am a good girl. Whenever I am around a lot of people, it is amazing how obsequious I can be. I fib and chatter away, saying things I don't want to or mean in any way. I feel like it is to my advantage to do so. I hate it. I hope for a revolution in ethics and morals. Then, my obsequiousness and this need to plod through life according to others' expectations would simply dissolve. Oh.

[Anonymous No.15866845]

>>15866834
Oh if it was only 2 books I am behind schedule. Fuck it, rolling for page amount to read right now

[Anonymous No.15866904]

Finally shat. Be careful with opiates, friends.

[Anonymous No.15866905]

It's another one of these threads. Should I write a multi paragraph post about tfw no gf and being an ugly autistic khv or just fart out some random phrases and post some stale memes?

[Anonymous No.15866986]

To the suicidal bro with the depressed and apathetic mother, depression runs in the family, it's tough but she feels the same way as you do... treat her with love and compassion
>>15866905
yes

[Anonymous No.15867022]

>>15866834
I want to read more, but I find the burden of the encroaching corporeal world is too heavy, that I cannot find good reason to read more. If reading is about the human condition, and mine is such that I am outcast, rejected, and shunned from society no matter the effort I undergo, then what good does reading do me? It gives me a perspective, but not the tools to do a damn thing about it, and then I'm left once more with the bodily burdens, a little less time, and just another piece in the picture of this seemingly damning puzzle.

Why would I want to understand, if that understanding just gives me more reason to become self critical and deprecating?

Fuck.

[Anonymous No.15867072]

>>15867022
That understanding can give you reasons not to be too self-critical let alone self-deprecating. What does it serve you to hate yourself?

[Anonymous No.15867075]

>>15866834
Fiction has become political in ways I had not thought it would within my lifetime. New "translations" of Homer try to change the way we think about the Greeks. People get cancelled left and right. All best-sellers are political. A book about Hilary Clinton called "Rodham" changes her past so that she would have never married and thus won the election (as if it was his fault not hers). Publishers on Twitter sound like they are being held hostage. I'd hate to see what's next.

[Anonymous No.15867087]

>>15867072
>What does it serve you to hate yourself?
It doesn't, therefore why would I stoke that fire? The more I learn, the stupider I feel, and with that, comes a sense of validation for the rejection I've felt society has to offer me.

[Anonymous No.15867106]

Usually I'm bored but today I feel good, I just received my copy of Tolstoy's Anna karenina and resurrection in leather binding + bible paper.

Got no one to tell so here i'am.

[Anonymous No.15867124]

>>15867106
good for you, anon, most of my books are hardcover, because I'm a poorfag, but it sure feels nice to hold a hardcover once in a while

[Anonymous No.15867151]

>>15866834
Women like me but I don't like them. They like me because I know all the right things to say to make them like me. I know how to balance confidence with sensitivity, humility and sexual excitement. I make them feel special for having received my attention - but I could not feel anything less for them in return.

[Anonymous No.15867161]

>>15867151
Have sex.

[Anonymous No.15867183]

I've always been the solitary type. I'm perfectly content in my own company, reading, writing, all that stuff. just being on my own. but recently i've had to move to a new country for work, russia. I barely speak the language, i know no-one nearby. for the first time in my life, i feel terribly lonely. it's painful. I'd just like to be able to hear what people talk about in the coffee shop, or walk into a bookshop and browse around, but i can't. i'm studying the language, trying really hard, but everything just feels so alien. from a small english town to a russian city, it's just very disorientating for me. but hey, i have my work, and i have you guys. i'm sure it'll be fine soon, but it's just so horrid at the moment.

[Anonymous No.15867207]

>>15867161
I do

[Anonymous No.15867455]

I often have the sensation of having no will, or rather, only being able to exert my will in small things. It is possible to decide to go for a drive on a whim. But it is impossible to change the course of my life. Even some of the things I do on a whim are not real choices, just a narrow list of activities that aren't immediately repellant to my loner personality. On a whim, I can go fishing by myself. But I can't contact an old friend. I find that impossible to do. I feel hemmed in by habit and a dysfunctional personality. Everything that has happened in my life seems to be the result of some first action in my childhood that limited my expression, my actions, and that as an adult, I still can't escape. Each passing year, my lack of will, acts like a new coat of varnish, preserving this dysfunctional personality that is not free to act.

[Anonymous No.15867586]

I am afraid that I am changing

[Anonymous No.15867843]

>>15867586
embrace it

[Anonymous No.15867882]

There's a girl I like at college but there's this other dude in our friend group that also likes her.
I don't want to ask her out and ruin our friend group with petty drama, but I also don't want to hold back with what I want just because someone else might want it too.

Any thoughts on this?

[Anonymous No.15867895]

>>15866904
Coffee cigarettes and icecream, anon

[Anonymous No.15867898]

>>15867843
the first recognition is that a new me will one day assume the position and powers now possessed by the current me

[Anonymous No.15867918]

Is this the hugbox thread?

[Anonymous No.15867970]

>>15867455
Same. Sometimes It feels like I am no more than a mere observer of my life

[Anonymous No.15867991]

>>15867087
Do you really not see a way in which what you read actually helps you instead of putting you down?

[Anonymous No.15868011]

>>15867991
Not in my present circumstances.

[Anonymous No.15868102]

>>15867898
why is that day not today
and tomorrow
and the day after
we all change constantly regardless, its out of your hands

[Anonymous No.15868118]

Can't decide what to read

1-3 Natural Right and History
4-6 Shakespeare
7-9 Kant
0 Joyce again

[Anonymous No.15868156]

>>15868011
Hmm. Surely you have other activities that don't enforce your sense of dread?

If I may, I can unironically recommend you to read Prometheus Rising. (you) and everyone else can absolutely change your perceptions. I'm a neet who is constantly angry about how much time I waste shitposting or binge-watching instead of reading and meditating, but had I not read this book I would be even angrier and sadder and apathetic. Trust me when I tell you you aren't forced to have your usual experience when reading (like at all). I am coming to believe that 'this too shall pass' is true and were you to follow me into getting better, I would find that it would be comfier than before.

[Anonymous No.15868159]

There is no greater purpose in life than to live, serve and die for Israel.
When we reflect upon ourselves and consider the smallness of our lives contrasted with the greatness and glory of Israel, it is only logical for us to serve Israel in anyway we can.
Donating all of our money to israel, barring the minimum needed to continue surviving so that we may produce more money for Israel.
Going to fight their wars to guarantee victory and hegemony for Israel
Slaving away at your insignificant life for the love of Israel.
There is nothing greater than to serve Israel
Paradise is not needed. Reward is not needed. The greatest reward is to serve Israel.

[Anonymous No.15868185]

I'm so mediocre. A jack of all trades master of none. I've wasted years of my life doing nothing, my right hand hurts because I've been beating my meat like a psychopath since I was 15. I feel like I really fucked my life up, squandered a lot of potential. I only have myself to blame.
I honestly believe I'm stupid, quite stupid. Mentally slow, imbecilic to some degree. I don't know if it's normal that people make such bad decisions as I have, or that people have the lack of foresight I just have since the day I was born. I had everything to be successful in life except half of my brain. And discipline.
I'm going to do it anons. I'm going to commit to something for the first time in my life. I don't care if I'm genuinely retarded and unfit for society and life, I'm going to stop procrastinating and I'm going to pull myself out of this shit situation. It's all I have left. If I stop to think about the past I want to kill myself. If I think of the future and the way things are shaping up I also want to kill myself.
Poor retarded unremarkable mediocre anon. Another face without a name.Another person that failed at the only shot of existence. I hope I can make it bros.

[Anonymous No.15868193]

>>15868185
have sex incel

[Anonymous No.15868199]

>>15868156
>I'm a neet who is constantly angry about how much time I waste shitposting or binge-watching instead of reading and meditating, but had I not read this book I would be even angrier and sadder and apathetic.
I have a gift, anon, not quite a talent and not quite a super power, but remarkable. No matter where I go, I have the gift of drawing the worst out of people; I break them down into their shitflinging chimp selves. It's quite remarkable, because once somebody has marked me for their chimping, it really doesn't matter what I do: I can be quiet, or loud, or abrasive, or friendly, and still they will chimp. The thing about chimps is, nobody wants to get involved with them, so as I get chimped, I get the wrath of bystander apathy, lest they get chimped themselves.

Do you know how boring it is, to work, and to build, only to have it all knocked down? I keep building sandcastles, and those infernal fucking chimps keep destroying them; not always the same chimp, not always conspirators of previous chimps, but a chimp nonetheless. And when I'm told 'just build another one', I look around me at the smiling faces of chimps, waiting, and I begin to ponder to myself: 'what if I don't build another one?'.

I can live with the inadequacies of the sand castles I build, but why must I build so fucking many?

[Anonymous No.15868229]

>>15867882
Do it. The other guy is going to go for it for sure, as soon as he notices you're a pathetic faggot bitch who doesn't want to cause "drama in the group of frens" he's going to go for it and he'll be sticking his dick in all her orifices while you post about it here.
If you don't do it, please don't fucking bother posting about it here, make a thread on /r9k/. One of the thousands of threads about coward retards fucking their own lives up like you.

[Anonymous No.15868242]

>>15868193
I've had sex. Plenty of it. All kinds of it too.
u jelly?

[Anonymous No.15868337]

>>15868102
it is our nature to resist the usurper

[Anonymous No.15868385]

Burger here and I'm pretty sure we're all boned. COVID is going to absolutely destroy us at this rate. I have absolutely no care for the American empire or, to be honest, my fellow country inhabitants, but it's a really odd feeling to be a part of something that's failing like it is.

A weird mishmash of (very few) people taking the pandemic seriously and others not even believing in it. As if it matters what you believe. Between people who have had their lives ruined by this and people who are going along as if nothing is happening. Such an odd juxtaposition. Meanwhile, our "news" sources waffle between absolute doom or casual propaganda that everything is dandy.

I want to escape this place. I have to escape this place. This wasn't even the catalyst but it is just so unbelievable to me. I don't know what I expected from America. Or, yes I do. My friends and I talked about this in February as we sat around and ate at a restaurant for the last time. We all agreed this would be terrible and the American response would be terrible.

I'm hungry.

[Anonymous No.15868424]

>>15868385
I share your dread burger friend, but I have it worse because I live in a shithole third world country were people are dropping like flies while others burn ambulances and attack medical personnel because they believe hospitals are intentionally spreading COVID, others don't believe in COVID, others think it's the devil and Jesus will come very soon.
Crime is sky rocketing, I'm about to lose my job because the company I work for is going to disappear. We all saw this coming but no one gave a fuck because it felt useless to care.

[Anonymous No.15868474]

>>15868199
Did you sense any hostility, any chimp shit-flinging in my post? Honest question.

>why must I build so fucking many
It's the law of the land, isn't it? To atleast pretend to believe and participate in the system. Question is anon, why are your castles built of sand? Do you lack pickaxes to mine rock and minerals?

[Anonymous No.15868667]

>>15868229
why are you so mad. It is totally a reasonable question. I have a lot of good friends and I don't want to disrupt that over girl drama. Sounds like you don't have friends lul

[jesus No.15868738]

>>15868424
jesus will come and what? will save people from (other) people?
lol

[Anonymous No.15868817]

>>15868667
That's right, I don't have friends.
I have girlfriend.

[Anonymous No.15868913]

>>15868385
Depressing to see such a normie take on 4channel.

[Anonymous No.15868954]

>>15868817
I'm sorry to here that anon. If you are a bit less bitter I'm sure you will find some friends :)

[Anonymous No.15869001]

>>15867882
So OP, you can listen to the advice of a person who has a girlfriend >>15868229 , or you can listen to the retard with smiley faces.
Your move.

[Anonymous No.15869033]

>>15868385
>COVID is going to absolutely destroy us at this rate.
At this point, they are just looking to ramp up the statistic.
My colleague's 6 year old son had positive result on COVID twice without any symptoms except light cold toward the end of his quarantine. Two times you have a person who, de facto, did not have the illness (unless you unquestioningly trust doctors). They do this for a certain percentage of tests each day and at the end of the month, you're looking at a juicy number.
Another case, a bit more depressing, was from a friend of my mother who works as a medical staff and who witnessed that will some of the older folks who died in the hospital, due to all sorts of illnesses, were noted down as COVID deaths. Again, do this couple of times a day, add up all regions, do till the end of the month, and we have ourselves a nice number.

The real problems are psychological and economic.

[Anonymous No.15869141]

>>15869033
Saw a stat that if you are under 18 and live in Chicago you are more likely to die of murder than COVID.

[Anonymous No.15869238]

Lately I've been fantasizing about moving to a rural area and having my own homestead, maybe working part time. I'm studying to become an agronomist, so I'm not the usual "larper", it's feasible to say the least.

I just wonder if this desire comes from an honest place, if the real reason isn't cowardice. For instance, the "race realism" that gets thrown around, and points, (or so we're lead to believe) to the impossibility of different people living together harmoniously; the escalating tensions around social justice topics; the feeling of impending societal collapse... I just want to be away from it all.

There could probably be some aesthetic illusion surrounding the whole life style. Too much Instagram browsing and Ghibli movies... I don't even know at this point. Can any of you relate?

[Anonymous No.15869289]

Today I decided to go for a walk alongside the river running through the city I live in.
I woke up at around 9AM and upon realizing I had overslept for work, I tried to gather the nerve to inform my supervisor, who (to my surprise) had not tried to call me or send a text.
I am not used to situations like these, so I chose to research what to do online.
The first three search results were old forum posts, the first from what I knew to be an old gaming and computer related one, the second
a forum for mothers of mostly young children and the third an old news article about over exhaustion at work.
From a quick glance at the forum posts, I chose to ignore the news site, I gathered that'd it'd be best if I just called my supervisor and told them the truth.
Which I did do, and got a confused "You're not at work?" as a reply.
As it turned out, neither my supervisor, nor my colleagues, had noticed my absence. My supervisor then informed me that I could take the day off.
So to the riverside I go, it is now around noon, the sun feels warm and for a moment the wind carries a scent of salt and rotten eggs, which I quickly get accustomed to.
The cobblestone paved streets on both sides are filled with groups of threes and fours, mostly teens, a few married couples, some elderly, a couple dog walkers, tokers, smokers and a few homeless people.
The river itself is brownish green, glistening in the sunlight as I walk across one of the bridges connecting this side of the city to the other.
This particular bridge has multitudes of padlocks latched onto the railings, the locks themselves having one name on both sides, a typical ritual of the recently engaged or married (I can't remember which), where the key is thrown into the river.
As I approach the city library, I sit down on one of the many benches lining up the waterside.
I look at the river and start thinking about all the drunks, the hobos and the bikers tipping over and drowning.
Approximately 20 people each year take a dive and in almost every case alcohol is involved. Some are victims of aggression from fellow pedestrians, but most are either willing victims or too inebriated to realize what a terrible idea it is to stick so close to the edge.
The city has refused to build a guard rail, instead stating that they'd rather try and inform citizenry of the dangers that drunken revelry nearby the river entails.
I continue on to a nearby kiosk to buy a pack of cigarettes and as I walk in, I see people playing slots.
Today, to my knowledge, is the day the government has allowed the gambling machinery located at most convenience stores, supermarkets, and kiosks such as this, to be opened again.
Veikkaus Oy (translates to "a hunch"), the state owned gambling corporation, has an effective monopoly on all gambling done within Finland, having a yearly revenue of around 13 billion per year.
As I get out of the kiosk, I see a beggar.
I try not to think about it too much as I walk off.

[Anonymous No.15869376]

>>15869141
>saw a /pol/ infograph with zero sources

[Anonymous No.15869435]

>>15869376
>I can't justify my beliefs since Chicago has 100 murders a day right now so I'll bring up /pol/ for no reason

The faggots that get pissed at /pol/ and bring it up for no reason are just as pathetic (if not more) than the average retard /pol/ack

[Anonymous No.15869448]

I fucking hate this town and I want to fuck off from here and I feel lonely and isolated and I want to find somebody to love.

[Anonymous No.15869457]

>>15868474
>Did you sense any hostility, any chimp shit-flinging in my post? Honest question.
No, but that doesn't not mean another isn't watching.

>Do you lack pickaxes to mine rock and minerals?
Nope.

[Anonymous No.15869499]

>>15869435
>beliefs

[Anonymous No.15869504]

>>15869376
>https://maps.cookcountyil.gov/medexamcovid19/
>COVID-19 Related Deaths
>3
>Cumulative since 3/16/2020

>https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/05/us/chicago-shootings.html
>Nine children under the age of 18 have been shot dead in Chicago since June 20.

I didn't get it from "/pol/", I figured it out myself because it's fucking obvious, but here are some sources.

[Anonymous No.15869565]

>>15869457
>No, but that doesn't mean
I see. To me it just felt a bit like one of those
>asking for a friend
Type of wordings. Which is, due to social autism, why I asked. Part of me wanted to just pick apart and then shit on every point you made that I could find. Indeed a talent for drawing the worst out you do have, it seems. All in good fun tho, I promise.
>>Do you lack
>Nope
Hmm. Ovens to smelt perhaps? Hammers and waters to shape? I'm not trying to be shitpost-y about it but when someone tells me they're building sandcastles that constantly get destroyed by others, my first thought is something like
>so make the castle stronger or something
Or pack some serious heat as our melanin-rich friends like to say.

[Anonymous No.15869624]

>>15869565
>Type of wordings. Which is, due to social autism, why I asked. Part of me wanted to just pick apart and then shit on every point you made that I could find. Indeed a talent for drawing the worst out you do have, it seems. All in good fun tho, I promise.
I'm confused about this response; my problem isn't that everyone is a bastard, it's that a few people are bastards, have a tendency to make my life fucking miserable, and other people stand and watch.

>I'm not trying to be shitpost-y about it but when someone tells me they're building sandcastles that constantly get destroyed by others, my first thought is something like
Building a castle of more than sand often takes more than one person. Who do I rely on? The bastards that screwed me, the apathetics that watched?

Being a bastard back would be a nice solution, but truly, I don't have it in me. I just relegate myself to staring at the floor, hating what I'm thinking, and knowing I would just be making everything that bit shittier.

It's hard anon. I'm working hard. But I've been losing these battles so god damn much, I'm just tired; the more I understand, the unhappier I am. For instance, at 8 years old I was throttled by a teacher for being a 'liar' over something I didn't do; this year I worked with children 8-9 years old. They're so small. I look back in retrospect, and I understand even less.

[Anonymous No.15869678]

It’s Wednesday, so I just burned some incense for the gods. I also bought the first volume of the works of Tacitus by Loeb. I always hate it when I find a series of volumes, only to have one book of the series be sold to some butthole who was looking for a specific volume. Luckily, another book from the series had already been bought, so I’ve been released of guilt. Anyway, have a blessed rest of the week

[Anonymous No.15869708]

Wow, the full George Floyd transcripts show he asks to get put on the ground because the drugs he ate right before getting arrest were causing him to have a heart attack. When Chauvin inevitably walks there are going to be huge riots. Now I want Biden to win, so he can deal with it.

[Anonymous No.15869858]

>>15869624
>I'm confused about this response
I just meant to say that I understand the destructive cynical impulse and part of me wanted to demonstrate it by being the type of shit-flinging ape you describe. It's a kind of pride I think.
>my problem isn't that everyone is a bastard, it's that a few people are bastards, have a tendency to make my life fucking miserable, and other people stand and watch
Yeah people can be shit.
>Who do I rely on
If not actual friends or family, then people you have a mutual interest with. People whom it would serve for you to build your castle.
>I don't have it in me
The reason I whole-heartedly can recommend Prometheus Rising. Everyone has it in them, just a matter of bringing it about, trust me.
>I just relegate myself to staring at the floor, hating what I'm thinking,
Rage, my friend. I feel you deserve it.
>knowing I would just be making everything that bit shittier.
Not true, and even if it was who cares. You're not beholden to the people who ruin your life or those who stand by and watch. You owe them nothing, and so can give them all you wish.
>It's hard anon
<3 it is
>I'm just tired
I feel you. My addictive behaviours have rotted my attention span to the core. I'm getting it back tho, thanks to /lit/ in part.
>For instance, at 8 years old I was throttled by a teacher for being a 'liar' over something I didn't do
Weird for me but I understand. It's weird because at times I would lie like a motherfucker as a child, but every time I was accused of lying when I didn't I would get so insensed and mad about it. Even though part of me was like "they just know what to expect anon". I can only imagine how it must have been for you.
>this year I worked with children 8-9 years old
Interesting. Are there no parallels whatsoever you can draw between your childhood and theirs? Are there children that remind you of yourself or someone you knew at that time?

>the more I understand, the unhappier I am
For me it's the opposite. The more I understand, the more confident I grow about my path, past and future. Recommend me a song you really like?

[Anonymous No.15869961]

>>15869858
>part of me wanted to demonstrate it
Ah.

>If not actual friends or family, then people you have a mutual interest with. People whom it would serve for you to build your castle.
I've been trying that, but I just feel so distant from them, and it feels like that bond of mutual interest is just, weak, flimsy. Worthless, really.

>Everyone has it in them, just a matter of bringing it about, trust me.
>you're not beholden to the people who ruin your life or those who stand by and watch. You owe them nothing, and so can give them all you wish.
You're right, but I still don't have that in me; I have not yet been pushed to that point of 'matter of bringing it', and I have been pushed far. I think if I ever did bring it, it would be quite catastrophic for that person.

>My addictive behaviours have rotted my attention span to the core.
People are a great source of energy; I remember feeling uplifted by friends and family. It's difficult without that energy. Even moreso when you spend energy on mistrust, and never find it replaced by love.

>but every time I was accused of lying when I didn't I would get so insensed and mad about i
That was just it; I was genuinely shocked and angered by the accusation. Like I said, I worked with kids that age for a bit, and I could never imagine grabbing one by the neck and shaking them whilst screaming at them for being a liar. There are no good answers to find, either: was it just because it was me? That's not a good answer to look for. Is it just because he was bad, and if so, are all people capable of such bad? Again, not the answer you want to search for.

>Are there children that remind you of yourself or someone you knew at that time?
I'm not sure. I just wanted to turn the bad into my life into something good for someone else. I got chimped at for that too.

>Recommend me a song you really like?
I don't know. Dio, Rainbow.

[Anonymous No.15869974]

>I'm an X
>You're not an X! I would know! No, I'm not an X myself, but we know all about X, my superiors told me everything there is to know about X! No I've never actually met an X either, but I don't need to! You're just pretending to be an X! Real X are like Y, my dad or whatever told me so!

Nobody knows anything and are convinced they know everything and it's all based on nothing. I just want to hurt people over it, the stupid should be hurt until they die or choose to stop being stupid.

[Anonymous No.15869986]

>>15868185
>>15868185
Same here dawg. Go to the gym mane, its the one thing that taught me discipline and now after 4 years, i am doing better thanni ever have in my life. Every month i have more money than i've ever had. Every day i step out of the gym i look vetter than i ever have in my entire life.

This and reading books is all i have. I am content.

[Anonymous No.15870079]

i'm going on my first date on saturday .. im 20. im really fucking nervous, i mean i've never done it before. i thought she would change her mind when i told her i wear braces but no.
just to underline - im really fucking nervous. i dont know what to talk about, how to act, idk anything. but thats an experience i gotta have if i wanna be a writer.

[Anonymous No.15870106]

>>15869986
Take her hands and ask her if she's read the greeks, make a quick joke about Oedipus, and then have a voice crack.

[Anonymous No.15870175]

I wanna talk about Paul’s Case

[Anonymous No.15870237]

>>15866904
>opiates bad

[Anonymous No.15870292]

I worry that my 1500 page tome on American history since 1860 will never be published. It is a work of pure passion and a historical narrative that has not been examined from this point of view in some time.

[Anonymous No.15870944]

I've been dabbling in classes for both english and philosophy during the past few years and now I need to decide between them. so far I've found that lit has high highs and low lows; many styles or eras just don't pique my interest at all but I absolutely love the rest. philosophy courses and writings are generally fairly enjoyable but don't quite offer the same sharp kick that good literature does, though I've yet to explore the more rigorous branches; what I've taken so far is primarily anchored in value theory and existentialism and such. which should I commit to? I can't do both because this is the side hustle and my main major is math (so no need to rail about the job market).

[Anonymous No.15871111]

>go to the grocery to buy some milk and some other miscellaneous items
>pay for my stuff
>the girl behind the cash register doesn't say 'Have a nice day' as I leave
>for some reason this makes me irrationally angry
>blurt out "You're not gonna say goodbye?"
>the girl behind the cash register just gives me a slightly afraid, befuddled look
>power walk out of the store
I think I might have undiagnosed autism.

[Anonymous No.15871219]

The window was open and I was sweating. The breeze was needed twofold. My stomache was wracked with terrible cramps and I could hear the neighbours outside chattering and laughing, her high pitched laugh a further infliction on my shame. My legs were numb now, a result of how long I had sat here.

The diarrhoea came loud and messily.

[Anonymous No.15871876]

>>15866834

[Anonymous No.15871937]

Want to bet a bitcoin that the tech bro who was found chopped up in Manhattan yesterday was part of the crew doing the Twitter hack today?

[Anonymous No.15872078]

I want to regain the strong sense of empathy I used to have, I feel so horrible pretending to be sad when someone dies

[Anonymous No.15872089]

I think I have a genital wart. Such is life.

[Anonymous No.15872096]

brothers, every book I've tried reading since motorman just seems so dull in comparison

[Anonymous No.15872325]

>>15866834
I just have been constantly fucking up and I’m mostly a jack of all trades (master of none). I just go to my job, read, work out, hike and listen to Bruce Springsteen. I use to have ambition, but I think nothing is within my grasp anymore.

[Anonymous No.15872625]

>>15871111
Unironically based anon. I wish I had that vigour.

[Anonymous No.15872638]

>>15872089
Might be an ingrown pube.

[Anonymous No.15872664]

The average person in the world has gotten significantly more stupid since the 1800s. Even back before people were mandated to have 200000 years of mandatory state "education" they had a clarity of mind and composition of logical, precise thought that is completely lacking from modern slackjawed mouthbreathing cretins that run around saying they're intelligent because they paid $80,000 for a piece of paper. Society has become garbage because the people living in this society are garbage.

[Anonymous No.15872683]

>>15872638
Hope so. Its quite small and not particularly noticeable. But I've had at least one partner in the past I know that had HPV (though that was a while ago). Guess I should get a check anyway.

[Anonymous No.15872684]

>>15866904
Chewing tobacco makes me shit like a wildebeest approximately 30 minutes after I put it in. I take opiates regularly. Do with that what you will.

[Anonymous No.15872691]

>>15872664
I disagree anon. The stupid is perhaps more easily observed. I will concede that the upper echelons of intellect have become less impressive, however.

[Anonymous No.15872693]

>>15870944
Stop dabbing in class anon

[Anonymous No.15872701]

I just want to understand the buttercunt. I have an irrational desire to know how she came to be. This odd piece that doesn't fit into the puzzle.
She always ignores me. Its probably because my shitposts are too cringey. I need to dial it down. But my selfish desires to do as I want, post what I will, is inherently at odds with being a decent human.

[Anonymous No.15872729]

>>15872325
Honestly your life sounds not terrible

[Anonymous No.15872734]

>>15872664
I disagree, because people used to be REALLY fucking stupid anon. But I will say that there was a golden period where even common labourers and farmers would be well versed in high art like classical music, theatre and some poetry and literature. My grandfather was uneducated and worked his whole life in a foundry, but still read the newspaper every single day and had an interest in the classics. My parents can still recite Keats poems they were forced to memorise in school etc. Universal literacy was a good idea before the ascendancy of mass culture.

[Anonymous No.15872754]

Our lives get clogged up with the dramas of internet personalities. They go by different names: booktubers, comedians, influencers, truthers, and so on. The issue is the personalities that position themselves at the heart of these legitimate art forms end up dominating the culture in a wholly meaningless way. Sure I might feel productive when watching a youtuber talk about all the reasons they love a certain film, but this all really boils down to procrastination. I could listen to a booktuber tell me their thoughts on a book, but again it is just procrastination on my part. Before long with these online personalities, it becomes less about the art form, and more about their opinion of the art form. Before you know it you’re caught up with their political views, or who their boyfriend is, or some other personal aspect that pivots away from the art they showcase.

Comedians are the worst offenders of the e-personality model. They sit and talk for hours about politics, or the craft of comedy, giving their non-committal takes on whatever is recent in the news. I’ve listened to these podcasting comedians enough to have come to the opinion that only a complete idiot would take any kind of political advice from a man who tells knock-knock jokes for a living. And these comedians will admit as much. That’s not going to stop them from putting a donation button beneath every video, and selling merchandise with promo codes attached. The nature of the comedian is to hit the road, grift, and get on the stage and tell jokes. Our culture, as much of a cluster-fuck as it is right now (but things can always get better), tries to seek truth and meaning from jesters.

In the same way, I don’t want to hear what a schlock horror writer thinks about the current president. And I don’t want to hear what a kid’s fantasy writer thinks about how we should govern our bodies or our countries. If more artists kept their faces away from a screen and got to work then there would be a lot less hot air in the world. Instead we have this elaborate feedback loop: everybody’s got an opinion.

For the rest:
https://thecharlieborchardblog.wordpress.com/2020/07/14/my-anti-online-e-personality-guide/

[Anonymous No.15872781]

>>15872754
>Our lives get clogged up with the dramas of internet personalities
Mine doesn't.

[Anonymous No.15872782]

>>15872078
Sound of silver talk to me make me want to feel like a teenager until I remember the feeling of a real life emotional teenager then I think again

[Anonymous No.15872820]

>>15868424
brazil?

[Anonymous No.15872838]

>>15872754
Get a job.

[Anonymous No.15872872]

>>15872754

This is a lot of writing for something we can distill into one sentence, "Jews did this."

[Anonymous No.15872912]

>>15872782
anon, I don't understand. Do you mean this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kPyjUMmCL4

[Anonymous No.15872915]

>>15872872
haha

[Anonymous No.15872959]

I'm pretty certain today is the tax deadline for us patriotic, road loving Americans. A stack of W2s and other tax forms are sitting on my desk with six months of dust layered atop. I'm tempted to see what happens when you don't file by the deadline. Probably nothing.

[Anonymous No.15872961]

I'm starting to realize that my family has been fucked up from day one. I don't really think my parents loved me. Yeah they would help me in times of need and when they ought to and I am eternally grateful to them, but I don't really know them at all. We've never really had a conversation that lasts more than 5 minutes and goes into our past, how we feel and what our future hopes are. It's always about what we can give and take from one another. Plus, I'm pretty serious about my Catholic faith (which converted to years ago), but they are very nominal Protestants that sometimes miss church for soccer games on the television. I don't hate them at all, but I really think I don't want them to be in my children's lives in the future should I go out and get married and have kids. I'm willing to take care of them if they need me at anytime, but I want my kids to be raised correctly and they didn't really. I don't harbor hate but I have to exercise prudence. It really makes me see the importance of raising your family correctly, being stern yet loving to your children and of extended family when raising them. I may be deprived of those things but I don't want my children to face the same predicament.

[Anonymous No.15873200]

>1JustReadALL1111111111111114ptkoK 0.00000666 BTC
>1TransactionoutputsAsTexta13AtQyk 0.00000667 BTC
>1YouTakeRiskWhenUseBitcoin11cGozM 0.00000668 BTC
>1forYourTwitterGame111111112XNLpa 0.00000669 BTC
>1BitcoinisTraceabLe1111111ZvyqNWW 0.00000670 BTC
>1WhyNotMonero777777777777a14A99D8 0.00000671 BTC
>bc1qxy2kgdygjrsqtzq2n0yrf2493p83kkfjhx0wlh 0.00001337 BTC

lol monero shills seething

[Anonymous No.15873203]

As life returns to normal so too does the natural and unavoidable turmoil of adult life. Each week brings with it new demands, like the waves which come in bouts to crash upon the shore And just as one irritation settles another bursts forward and grasps at your attention. In amidst this hang glimmers of insouciance which hint at something better. But once more the swell rises, and with it our bodies are strewn like drifting wood.

[Anonymous No.15873206]

>>15873200
nani kore?

[Anonymous No.15873841]

Should I attempt a romantic relationship with a girl I used to have a thing for who is back in my town to live with her family due to the rona and will almost certainly be leaving once it’s over?

[Anonymous No.15873873]

>>15868385
lol is this what the normie mind actually thinks like

[Anonymous No.15873879]

I got fucken diarrhea from a sugar free chocolet

[Anonymous No.15873901]

megadosing zinc, magnesium, selenium and tribulus terrestris gives me fucked up dreams but my T is through the roof

[Anonymous No.15873941]

>>15868385
I frankly don't give a rat's arse about COVID. Let it all crumble so we can see how fragile our institutions are. Let it all go to shit so we can see what the human being truly is at his essence. And who gives a fuck about the continuity of the current hegemony. Imagine being disappointed about this. I know I'm sounding edgy, but your concerns are so puerile. You fail to grasp the concept of becoming and never being.

[Anonymous No.15874168]

On God. I want to give you what you want I just don’t know how

[Anonymous No.15874318]

>write like a god of eloquence in 4chan posts
>write like a first year english student on personal work
Fuck.

[YandereDev !W3WJP6pIt2 No.15874321]

>>15867207
Then stop posting on my taiwan figth rng simulator nigger
Also fuck butterfly, the quality of /lit/ has gone down too much and the three people i know posted here dont even come here anymore because that tranny shitpost in every single decent thread, the same goes for me i just came to see how shitti it has become good bye faggots niggers jannies and wojak spamers
burn in hell

[Anonymous No.15874703]

What’s the point when there’s just nothing? I believe in things, but my life can’t have any of the basic things that I need for happiness or health, because I’m a failure. It’s not even that I lost anything, I’ve never had anything, I’ve never had or lost the most basic things as a result. So I’m just left with nothing, I have nothing and I am nothing, the things I do have mean a lot but they don’t count. I’m so alone and so sad.

[Anonymous No.15874725]

Trying to find a way to empirically prove that truth is "good" or "right" without resorting to religion or any sort of spiritual rambling. Not to say something stupid like opinions don't matter only truth exists or what not, but to simply prove that lies are evil and shying away from truth is a morally unsound action.

[Anonymous No.15874737]

>>15874725
Jump in front of an oncoming bus and find out yourself

[Anonymous No.15874768]

>>15872754
Completely disagree with the comedians part - they are the exception to your point. They call out the truths other people are too uncomfortable to directly admit in light hearted and funny ways. They spur interesting conversations without making it malicious. It's like when "Louis C.K." said being white was great because you could enter a time machine and wherever you ended up, you'd be treated amazingly. He was essentially conveying white privilege in a funny, non-offensive way. George Carlin, Bill Burr, the old Norm MacDonald - they all do the same.

[Anonymous No.15874780]

>>15874703
First off, stop being a fag.
Second, consider the following:
You exist. Even if tomorrow you died and nothing would change, you in this moment do exist. Existence, logically, is something more than non-existence and unlike being in a state of non-existence, existing leaves the potetial for things to change. For better or worse, it's always up to the individual. Then consider that as an individual, we must take responsibility for our actions and inactions. You as of this moment live a self-described life that is so pitiful it might as well not even have happened. This is your own fault. Come to terms with that. Whether or not you believe things could have been different if you had taken action, the fact remains that your inactions have led you to this point and your inactions will take you to the grave should you not seek to take action. You exist and it's your responsibility to make the most of it.
Third, I'm not your fucking personal motivational coach. If you want to do something or not, that's up to you and I can't give a flying fuck. But your bitching on a forum about your woeful life shows how little you understand about being alive. Grow a brain and figure this shit out retard.

[Anonymous No.15874786]

>>15874737
But anon-kun, that's retarded and doesn't help me prove the point to other people.

[Anonymous No.15874805]

>>15874318
Probably because your professional shit is boring and you'd rather discuss the philosophical implications on whether a trap is gay or double gay instead of doing anything meaningful with your life. Truly your eloquence will inspire future generations to avoid the grasp of degeneracy that has taken hold the minds of modern man.

[Anonymous No.15874839]

>>15870079
You'll be alright bro. She's nervous too.

[Anonymous No.15874875]

>>15866986
Thanks

[Anonymous No.15874910]

>>15874780
I’ve learned over the years from each time I’ve taken action that I’m not good enough at it and it’s not as though the world is going to wait on me. I better myself the best I can but effectively it’s all for finding more productive ways of inaction with others. There’s plenty more I could be doing for my own life, but in every aspect of my life involving other people I’m stuck at the bottom and every attempt I make is either just taunting or isolating to me.
No shit I don’t know a fucking thing about being alive, I’m the absolute last person who would be able to help myself learn what that means, why would I ever give any value to anything I think

[Anonymous No.15874918]

>>15869289
what's your job?

[Anonymous No.15874962]

Just found out I have aphantasia and now I feel like a fucking retard because I can't see mental images. For some reason now I feel like with this shitty revelation all my visual creativity will take a big shit as if it hasn't already.

I seriously feel like a fucking NPC.

[Anonymous No.15875080]

>>15868185
>my right hand hurts because I've been beating my meat like a psychopath
lel imagine not being prone masturbation masterrace

[Anonymous No.15875087]

>>15874962
Is there a legitimate test to prove this condition? Actually medically legitimate?

[Anonymous No.15875112]

>>15875087
Not sure. So, that begs the question how I found out. Well, I'm lying in bed. I try to raise the portcullis in my mind fort. I cannot visualise it. I realise I never could and would literally just always describe it to myself when doing it. I got frustrated by this and looked up why I couldn't form images in my brain. Lo and behold aphantasia comes up which perfectly describes my experience with this.

Apparently it's very recently looked in to. As in 2015.

[Anonymous No.15875139]

being an 18 year old """"""""""trad girl""""""""" is great lol
All you have to do to be trad is say you want a bunch of white babies and a farm (which i do), men are so easy im convinced i wont have to work a day in my life if i play my cards right

[Anonymous No.15875161]

I haven't written a single chapter in weeks. Only one friend to share my garbage with and he's busy. Spent a week doing a more detailed outline instead. Caught some plotholes, fleshed out a few things, cut a needless subplot. Can't get my furtive ass to write the actual story. No matter how much I improve, reading it makes me cringe.

[Anonymous No.15875192]

>>15875112
How do you define visualize? It just doesn't make sense to me. I don't believe it is a real condition.

[Anonymous No.15875250]

>>15875192
Just a moment ago I was eating a raspberry cold on the cob. I thought to myself, "okay see the wooden stick in your mind." I saw it with my eyes. Real life, or what I perceive as real life, the stick is there. Wooden. Brown, beige, tan, etc. There was a bit of red on it, going from darker red to lighter with transparency. Of course, beneath the varying translucency of the red there was the stick. I could see it. From my description you can also no doubt see it in your mind's eye, no?

I cannot. I could not. I tried. I focused. Nothing. My eyes closed and I saw nothing but the maelstrom of dark grey and coal black I always do, with a little visual snow thrown in, of course.

[Anonymous No.15875356]

Books like this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOKGkxsr-3Y

[Anonymous No.15875455]

>>15874768
Stand up specials are fine. Just not lazy podcasting.

[Anonymous No.15875458]

>>15875139
Shut up hole.

[Anonymous No.15875576]

>>15866905
We're here for you

[Anonymous No.15875648]

My book just dropped, and it’s already being deemed “problematic” because it doesn’t directly cater to leftists. The publishing industry is so much worse off than you guys realize. It’s honestly distressing.

[Anonymous No.15875673]

I live in Paris and I decided that I wanted to read Moby Dick in English. Over the spawn of one week, I've been to a dozen bookstores selling English books, a few ones selling exclusively that, but I can not find it. The book is so well-known and acclaimed that I found it weird the first few times, now I'm more or less convinced that there is a conspiracy against me reading Moby Dick in English. When I tried to order it at a bookstore they told me that it was pointless because they received nothing from abroad at the moment (while another clerk was stacking new books a few meters away). In another bookstore, the lady pretended not to know who Melville was and I had to insist really hard for her to go look on the computer if they had Moby Dick (I had to spell it to her). I eventually decided to order it online (I hate to do that), two weeks have passed and I still haven't received anything. Of course Amazon pretends that I did.
I have come to the conclusion that there is something in this book that would be very decisive if I was to read it, that I would have a life-changing revelation, possibly not only life-changing for me but for everyone. This must be lost in the translation since I could buy it right now. It is pointless to download it as I would have no way to know if it has been tempered. I have two theories. Either this is a small conspiracy and I'm being followed, and as soon as I enter a bookstore someone quickly buys all the Moby Dicks in English. Or, and this is more concerning, the conspiracy is very big and is not only about me, and the current lack of Moby Dick is nationwide and will last until they (who ?) reprint it, editing the important part. This would mean that I would have to find an issue in an used bookstore before any of their agents can find it, which would require a lot of luck. I'm seriously considering taking the Eurostar to London to buy it there this week-end because I doubt they will have covered that (especially in an used bookstore). I would appreciate it if any anon based in London could verify the availability of Moby Dick, and the conformity of the edition being sold to the edition you own (and if there is no conformity as I fear it might be, if any anon could sell me his edition).

[Anonymous No.15875693]

>>15875673
you don't need the original. any translation is just fine. nobody is following you hihihi

[Anonymous No.15875777]

>>15866834
I can't sleep I can't sleep I even stopped drinking coffee this is fucking bullshit. I have to be 'awake' in 3 hours fuck my life.

[Anonymous No.15876102]

Have to go to the barbers today lads. I fucking hate getting my hair cut so much, idk why maybe I was killed in one in a past life or summat, but I can't fucking stand it. Irrational phobias and that. Fucks sakes.

[Anonymous No.15876123]

>>15875777
Let’s go to sleep together ;)

[Anonymous No.15876183]

>mfw the democrats want to replace the police with social workers

[Anonymous No.15876241]

>>15875139
>i wont have to work a day in my life if
kek, do you know how fast an unkempt farm breeds rats?

[Anonymous No.15876360]

>>15876102
>not having long hair

[Anonymous No.15876643]

>>15876102
I feel you, man, I'd rather have my balls checked for cancer than having my hair cut.

[Anonymous No.15876721]

The couch, the laptop and hundreds of videos.
Cars passing outside,
The noise of working people.
I'm letting myself drift.
When I am dead,
My hands will be soft,
Like the hands of children.
Some shake their heads,
Others nod at me.
And I'm sitting in the café
With a beer, cigarettes and a friend
And talk about nonsense.
Everything flows together, the whole world,
How can you still be worried?
It always ends like that,
With some form of tragic kitsch.

[Anonymous No.15876743]

>>15872684
Smoking is higher class and more respectable.

[Anonymous No.15876748]

>>15875777

[Anonymous No.15876849]

Came back to my hometown for a few days, it's literally the worst city of my country, imagine a place filled with insane people, obesity, alcohol and drug abuse, violence, and unemployment.

I walked around town and got a bunch of angry look because I look like a bourgeois now, good thing I'm tall and jacked.

But the most depressing thing is when I looked for my oneitis' house, her parents still lives there, she left a while back, I can only think of her and how I messed up, now I want to call her, it's pathetic.

Saw my dad for the first time in almost 20 years, he's on the verge of dying, I swear I could write a book on my life in this town but another guy with an almost identical life already did, he even got his book published in the U.S.

I'm depressed as hell and I can't wait to go home, this place is cursed.

[Anonymous No.15876855]

An asshole with integrity will always be a tolerant fellow. Otherwise he'd have to stop being an asshole. That's why assholes with integrity are incurable – and tolerant, infinitely tolerant. They can empathize with anything and anyone: they have empathy enough to defend a shoe sole that clogs the solitary shithouse.

[Anonymous No.15876876]

>>15866834
The husband of a close teacher of mine just committed suicide. He asked his building's custodian for keys to the roof this morning. He received it without difficulty and then went on to the roof, looking around at duned, sunned desert skies and thinking about something no one else but he would ever know. and then jumped. This happened a few hours ago.

His children will spend their entire lives thinking about this day. Their memories will be bludgeoned, brought back there, to that roof, aching over about what he thought up there as he took that look around, thinking if he thought about stepping back, if he thought about them. But they will never really truly know. Everything went with him.

[Anonymous No.15876911]

>>15876876
Did he jump with the keys or does the custodian have to walk a bunch of stairs to get them back now?

[Anonymous No.15876944]

[Anonymous No.15877029]

>>15875673
http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2701
Knock yourself out. I've read this ebook and checked it against my print copy, it's legit.

[Anonymous No.15877036]

>>15876849
What's the book called?

[Anonymous No.15877162]

>>15875250
I remain unconvinced. I also only 'see' the dark greys and snowy haze. I don't believe anyone can truly see color without light refracting off of their retinas. I believe the origin of aphantasia is simply the result of miscommunication.

[Anonymous No.15877184]

>>15866834
Johnny Cash was the rootiest, tootiest country singer that this here god-given country had ever had. He walked briskly, though awkwardly, as though he were still atop a horse, his legs widely swinging. He slams open the saloon doors.
>"What brings you to this saloon, Johnny?"
>"Not much, just business."
>"I aint no boy," the cretin in the corset hollers.
>"Shit, well ain't you a pussycat. I'm sorry there, little Myrtle."
>"Fuck you, Mr Cash, fuck you."
>"Ain't that the nicens thing you ever heard, boys?" the man said as he strutted towards the bar, his heels clapping with his spur hitting th' floor.
>"Want a drink for your fellow brother?"
>"Mind you not misgender my friend there, pard?" asks Johnny, irritated now.
>"Hell, I can't tell. Gash darn it!"
>"Well you best darn remember it now. Before I smash your teeth in to remember, you hear?"
>"O.... Okay!"
>"That's right, now give me a gin and tonic, you hear?"
>"Sure, thing, boss."

[Anonymous No.15877355]

>>15876944
This reminds me of the original "virgin walk" image, in that it's a lot of either innocuous or incredibly generic traits paired up with an image of something the viewer is supposed to dislike.
I'm not sure what the point of this image is, there's now way to interpret rhetoric like this as a sincere attempt to heal the racial divide between blacks and whites. Nearly every mention of it online has come from a pissed-off white person. Either the powers that be are so out of touch that they expect every Anglo-American to go along with the constant self-flagellation, or there's a deliberate conspiracy to start a race war in the US. both options scare the shit out of me.

[Anonymous No.15877368]

Is "The Three Muskateers" going to be as comfy as I'm hoping it will be?

[Anonymous No.15877375]

>>15877368
Yes. It opens with being upset about a handkerchief.

[Anonymous No.15877784]

>>15874839
i dont think it's her first ever date but thanks anon

[Anonymous No.15877966]

Argue for something that you vehemently disagree with

[Anonymous No.15878247]

I'd like to write a single fucking thing that isn't tarnished with cynicism. It's hopeless.

[Anonymous No.15878681]

I wish more people liked my OC I made for American Dragon Jake Long, I spent so long on it and I made everything happen I wanted to and nobody cared at all. I think the problem here is that people don’t care about interesting things like they should. If things were more like the way they should be then everybody would have their own personal OC. Why do people want to talk about soccer or country or John McCain when we can be talking about television?

[Anonymous No.15878691]

>>15869238
i can relate tremendously anon, i think about exit each and every day. however, it doesn't seem feasible to me. usually i have pretty high self-esteem but when i imagine myself homesteading, living off the land, etc, i can only imagine myself utterly failing at it. i've lived in cities all my life and every time i've been on vacations / visited relatives on the countryside the difference between cityfolks and people who grew up in rural areas are striking. but yes, of course the prime reason or motive for this is escape, escape "modernity" if you want it, escape all the troubles modern life brings, all the expectations of studying hard, a high paying career, and so on. interesting that you mention working part time since i never thought of that in relation to moving /innawoods/. usually when i envision it i think of it as total isolation, a modern day hermit, recluse. would you think you would still want to have a social life there? or just go to your part time job and not interact with people otherwise? if you have any reading recs i appreciate it, i recommend kaczynski (obviously), thoreau and arne naess.

[Anonymous No.15878740]

>>15869678
forestanon? in any case, have a blessed week aswell and stay safe.

[Anonymous No.15878796]

>>15875673
probably bait but great post

[Anonymous No.15878845]

>>15876748
kill me, pete

[Anonymous No.15879049]

>>15869238
The whole world runs on a loop, it seems. 10 years ago I had the same fantasies for similar reasons. Money, as always, was the biggest stumbling block; I could never save enough to buy any land

[Anonymous No.15879092]

>>15877162
Maybe you also have aphantasia? I just talked to my mom about it and used bananas that were literally on the counter as a reference.

[Anonymous No.15879107]

>>15879049
how is it now?

[Anonymous No.15879310]

>>15879107
Now it's something that I think I might do when I'm older, like after my kids are adults. At this point, I'm too involved in "the world" to really want to isolate myself. I would feel that there was alot I was leaving undone, whereas when I was younger and wanting to drop out of society, I felt like there was nothing for me to do. I was in school but still felt that my prospects were incredibly bleak anyway, this was during the recession. Anyway, this kind of fantasy seems to appeal to that kind of person, someone who feels left out for whatever reason and who thinks it would be easier to just fuck off far away from everyone. But I think most people would be better served by trying to find some sort of community or companionship where they are now

[Anonymous No.15879354]

>>15879310
could you elaborate on how the transition was from wanting to drop out with bleak prospects to being involved with the world? i'm at a similar stage (the former, that is) currently.

[Anonymous No.15879429]

>>15867183
Maybe try a language swap/exchange? It's a very small commitment, meet new people, improve your Russian. There are dedicated sites as well as Facebook groups etc. Hope you feel better :)

[Anonymous No.15879456]

Okay so I went in for a physical since I've been having some aches in my lower testicle area. My mom was worried so she insisted on me going even though I hate physicals. I’ve never had sex or anything like that so I know its not like any kind of std.

So I went in not knowing it was a female doctor performing the physical check up. I was stunned cuz up until that moment I found out women perform physicals on males (I thought it was same sex physicals all my life). She must have been in her early 30s, average in looks but pretty cuz of the blonde hair and eyes. I was so embarrassed when I had to pull my trousers off. I had a rock solid boner! I was apologizing to her every second.

She then asked me to leave the pants on the floor and socks off to direct me to the paper bed. She started feeling me and it was weird cuz she was touching the head of my penis asking if I felt anything. She started massaging n rubbing the tip while asking me a couple questions and I came!!! She had a cup in her other hand to collect the sperm.

I didn’t tell my mom. Was she supposed to do that? Everything checked okay in the end but idk. I was profoundly embarrassed cuz she did that.

[Anonymous No.15879472]

>>15876748
Kill me, Pete. Please

[Anonymous No.15879491]

>>15879092
Perhaps, but until there is a legitimate medical test that can prove it one way or the other I'll continue assuming people are just stupid and don't have the capacity to realize they can't see literal images in their imagination.

[Anonymous No.15879510]

If my parents died tomorrow I wouldn't hesitate for a second to off myself. The only thing stopping me from doing it is the thought of the pain it would cause them.

[Anonymous No.15879531]

>>15876911
Asking the important questions

[Anonymous No.15879546]

>>15879510
I think that sometimes too, but on the other hand it might end up liberating me once they are dead. Their judgment weighs on me.

[Anonymous No.15879754]

>>15879354
It took a long time, and honestly I can't determine an exact point at which the transition happened. I'll spare you the details and just say that I completely derailed my life on purpose, figuring that I would either find my way to a more agreeable path or destroy myself floundering in the dark. I just kinda continued living that way, shaking things up whenever I felt that my life was becoming unpalatable and eventually I fell into good company, a stable living arrangement, and a decent paying part-time job that leaves me with plenty of time to work on my art. Don't be afraid to do something that seems drastic, even if you can't see it being a "long-term" thing. I feel like our culture has this pathological obsession with planning, every action must be in service of a goal or at least "self-improvement." But nobody can plan around luck, good or bad, and if your plans have gone to shit sometimes the best option is to just roll the dice.

[Anonymous No.15879823]

cornflakes with milk is one of the most delicious things that I know. get the ones with low sugar tho.
me and my grandpa will probably never have a meaningful relationship. first I got sick, then grandma got sick, now I'm many years an adult and we have the chance but we are very different people. we're just not clicking.
tomorrow I am going to prayers for the first time since hte rona started (just a friends place, not at a mosque). I'm a convert, but there are some things that I don't get. I'm considering whether or not to bring those things up. The thing is I think I have a pretty valid point that I think muslims generally don't really care about, but I think they should, but then again maybe I should just let them live in peace.

[Anonymous No.15879828]

>>15879823
>cornflakes with milk is one of the most delicious things that I know. get the ones with low sugar tho.
I swear I'm on my 4th bowl today

[Anonymous No.15879853]

>>15879531
If the custodian was too lazy to walk the guy to the roof and gave him the keys instead, it's a dick move to not bring them back down again.

[Anonymous No.15879935]

>>15878691
>>15878691
I don't have many book recommendations, but I've been interested in Heidegger's works on nature. Technical books on composting, raising animals and the likes could also be interesting; the works of Ernst Gotsch and Fukuoka also come to mind.

Now, about what you said: I think me and you should take one step at a time.
Of course, being self sufficient is comforting, but leaving the city and being able to produce SOMETHING, while counting on the community around you for the rest, is a huge improvement already.
Also, I try to look at things from a different perspective; having ties to "modernity", such as working part time, is actually a privilege. It makes it possible to keep some money coming, to buy machinery, to learn stuff online... Of course, If everything really goes to shit, you will take a hit, but you'll be 10 times better than the urban dweller.

Not sure what the possibilities are where you live, but you could also try doing some stuff beyond reading on the topic. I still live in the city, but I'm studying agronomic engineering, I plant some stuff on my backyard, I have composting bins with worms and millipedes, I have some (stingless) beehives...
Hope this gives you something to think, man.

[Anonymous No.15879948]

>>15879754
>shaking things up whenever I felt that my life was becoming unpalatable
exactly what i'm doing right now, against the will of basically everyone around me who's urging me to "do the responsible thing".
> decent paying part-time job that leaves me with plenty of time to work on my art.
sounds like a dream, what kind of art do you do? i make experimental music personally
>our culture has this pathological obsession with planning, every action must be in service of a goal or at least "self-improvement.
exactly my thoughts, this narrative seems so deeply rooted into peoples heads nowadays that you can't even bring it up without it causing misunderstanding.

thanks anon, your post gave me a bit of hope.

[Anonymous No.15880009]

Dear [redacted],
I hope this reply finds you in good health and spirits. There's a moisture in the air in this far off land that feels slightly suffocating but it's bearable and the scenic surroundings almost make up for it. Not that they have to, I'm here on business. I've been contemplating writing this letter to you for a long time now, I felt there was no hurry since you most likely didn't expect any response, no anticipation. Here it is anyway and I'll try to word it thoughtfully. Though my work is a pressing matter it does not occupy much of my time, so I've had ample opportunity to contemplate the contents of our previous correspondence. Please don't think me dull for not going out and about instead. I've seen the sights, tried my hand at the popular distractions and even warrant expressions of recognition from more than just the sales people at the locations I frequent. I was mindful of structure from the get go here, structure of time that is. I knew I'd have a lot of time on my hands and I should hope I know myself well enough to predict the consequences of that. I trust you remember my story about Paris? I'd hate to touch bottom again by losing touch bottom in the stream of time again. (Yes I know.) This prompted me to make and follow a schedule, punctually. This has led me to an observation about the people here that has been much on my mind lately. You see people here occupy the public spaces like a second home. As I've followed my routine I've seen the flow and heartbeat of this city and it's quite unlike our homeland where we hide away in our homes and workplaces until the "occasion" releases us from our sterile lives. The old can be found in the same spots every day socializing all day with the rest of society absent only for as long as work and school necessitates. As I move along my familiar paths I meet the same people, sitting, talking, laughing, basking in the warmth of their fellow humans. I remember my route back home, silent hurried people always a scramble of strange faces never to be seen again, or at least not remembered. Now I'm afraid of what the virus would do this place that I've grown to care for more than I ever expected. I still keep some hope that it might not spread all over the world but... there's a foreboding in my heart. Please satay safe.

[Anonymous No.15880051]

Why would one search for love there where he could never find it?

[Anonymous No.15880426]

I really fucking love this bitch

[Anonymous No.15880610]

>>15874780
Also fuck you your cunt attitude pisses me off so I’m going to dwell on myself even more to spite you because that will make any difference at all, I’ll shoot myself in the fucking foot for no reason other than myself walking myself into doing it, fuck you for not treating me respectfully as though I automatically deserve it like I should because I do even though I don’t because if you don’t think I do then fuck you and you’re automatically a wrong cunt even if you aren’t fuck you

[Anonymous No.15880632]

Wally Wallace on Charlie Rose
I cast an eye over at herself
Sprawled and dozing
I crave the pained success of David
To have something you dont want
Maybe a child?
Maybe another cat.
What measuring cup are weighed in!
Chemical buffer, Physical stature
Its uncertain.

[Anonymous No.15880787]

>>15879429
I'm making my way to one of those tomorrow, I hope it goes well. Thank you friend for the encouragement. I'm sure I'll feel at home in no time.

[Anonymous No.15880812]

>>15880051
I will not coom today

[Anonymous No.15881298]

>>15880610
Perhaps I'm getting rusty, or maybe baiters are just getting better, but it's harder to tell bait from genuine posts by the day.

[Anonymous No.15881323]

>>15880812
I masturbated twice earlier today and I'm fatigued and hornier than I was before. It doesn't solve anything. Just makes life worse.

[Anonymous No.15881328]

>>15879948
>what kind of art do you do?
Many different kinds of music, and also painting and collage
thanks anon, your post gave me a bit of hope.
No problem, man
>

[Anonymous No.15881339]

>>15880812
>>15881323
Like damn dudes, spend less time online. Beating off 3 times in a day with no feeling of relief is not ok

[Anonymous No.15881356]

>>15881339
It never had any feeling of relief. Even sex doesn't quench it. It just makes everything worse. The only times I'm less horny is if I abstain for a few days and weeks and take extreme caution not to look at or think anything sexual.

[Anonymous No.15881359]

>>15866905
I like the farting stale memes. Looking forward to it

[Anonymous No.15881366]

>>15880051
the closed loop here is accurate

[Anonymous No.15881455]

>>15866834
What does one do when they work a good job, study a prestigious degree, look after their body and physique and have a social life but still want to rope or at the least, intimately recognise that non-existence is preferable to existence?

[Anonymous No.15881486]

>>15881455
Work to understand on a deeper level what non-existence (and the consequences thereof) and existence mean as a whole and to them. Perhaps said person simply doesn't recognize what life around them is meant to be and simply has the desire for death due to learned behaviors.

[Anonymous No.15881488]

>>15866834
>> I'm not a basic bitch, society makes me act like one, deep down I'm very interesting, once you get to know me
Now that you outed yourself as a basic bitch
tits or gtfo

[Anonymous No.15881508]

>>15881486
What does that process entail?

[Anonymous No.15881537]

>mfw crying in my room again because I'm an ugly khv loser
bottom text

[Anonymous No.15881540]

>>15874918
I work at a moving company.
I am new there, I don't talk too much and only know two people by name.
Not a surprise that I wasn't noticed, lots of people come and go, and officially I still work through a temp agency, so I am not on their own work schedules.

[Anonymous No.15881550]

>>15866834
I would say I'm relatively well-off and living in a reasonably structured, normal manner. But there seems to be a void in my life and I don't understand where it comes from, or how to fill it. It's been there for a few years and it weighs on me on and off, but it's still always there. I'm losing hope that I can do something about it. I don't know what's wrong with me. But this emptiness really seems to be fucking me up more and more. I wish I could read a book for this feel.

[Anonymous No.15881570]

>>15881537
Tfwnogf is a very strong feeling anon. It's not just a meme. It has been one of the most intense and lingering sorrows I have experienced. My sympathies.

[Anonymous No.15881574]

>>15881455
You've sufficiently describe my constant internal struggles. Non-existence is a rudimentary solution at best, I'd say anyone who falls into that trap has simply lost sight of the problems they're trying to solve. Take a break from things, try to gain some new perspective, really evaluate what's rotting from within.

>>15881488
Not OP but you're on the right track since that's a crappy excerpt from Dazai. I don't know how anyone tolerates him in translation, most of the english ones are awful. I guess people enjoy wallowing in their feelings enough to ignore that.

[Anonymous No.15881579]

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE

[Anonymous No.15881593]

>>15868385
brainlet

[Anonymous No.15881638]

>>15881298
>tell bait from genuine posts
Probably both

[Anonymous No.15881726]

I've made progress in my writing but have seen a concomitant rise in some old vices. Namely drinking, smoking, and being an indolent slob. Why is everything in life an unintelligible occult give and take?

[Anonymous No.15881788]

>>15881537
With you there, anon. You'll either succeed in doing something about it or manage to stifle those feelings altogether, after which they will only resurface every other month for a few minutes, leaving an equally short bitter aftertaste. The latter is my case and I don't feel happy, but I'm no longer miserable either. I hope you make it.

[Anonymous No.15881808]

>>15881574
I don't fail to recognise that there are solutions to whatever problems I face. I'm working on them. I more so feel a vanity inherent in all of this problem solving and related striving.

Even though I recognise this irony, I also feel compelled to continue on this nebulous path of "self-improvement" as the normies would describe it. I don't see this as the noble struggle that they like to hold it up to be. They seem subscribe to this strange watered down Eudaimonism/Stoicism that has been moulded for the modern day.

Anyway, I find that even though you can work on all of the things I stated in my original post, you still end up failing to dispense with the intuition that nonexistence is ideal. It's a bad stench that you can't shake.

[Anonymous No.15882604]

What's on my mind is that I rarely enjoy anything in the moment. I only recognize an enjoyable time in retrospect. Even then I'm unsure that it's not just my memory playing a trick on me. It's possible that the happy memory is only happy because of subsequent bad times. So it wasn't a happy moment at the time, but only colored by later events.

[Anonymous No.15882641]

They brought me upon a great stage. They wet their lips, they breathed shallow breaths. Show us! Are you a liar? I brought out what I had for them. A great big thing. A great ugly thing. They recoiled, they spit, they hissed. I laughed at them and they threatened me with violence. You great ape! How could you devise something so horrible? Fuck you! You'll hang! Get rid of it, I can't bear the sight!

It is a mirror.
They sat now. Silence greeted me, gave me a kiss.
Dilate

[Anonymous No.15882663]

Why does Boiler Room always upload the lamest mixes to Apple Music? Is it a copyright thing? Every week they upload like a half dozen mixes from their back catalog, but it's almost never any mix I actually enjoyed.

[Anonymous No.15882686]

>>15867882
Your friend is already going to ruin your friend grup FOR YOU if he takes the girl. Better make the move, shit's gonna get bitter. Fucking do it, people come and go, what you never do stays with you forever.
Also, if he really is your friend and you win this, then he shouldn't complain like a bitch.

[Anonymous No.15882693]

>>15866834
I should be reading

[Anonymous No.15882736]

>>15868185
>A jack of all trades
I always dobut when people say this about their selves. Few people can say the are actually competent in lots of different matters and procedures. Most of the time people alegates themselves to be jacks of all do those things most likely bland.
What can you be is adaptative, acomodative, but not a jack. A jack is a eternal disciple, not a fucking makeshift. Actually a eternal disciple cannot exist, either he steps up or he quits the subject. Sure he can "remember" some picks, might as well read a manual.

[Anonymous No.15882889]

>>15881508
That process entails taking more time to observe what's in your life than add more to it or take more from it. Essentially, stop and smell the roses. I'm gonna go on assumption here and guess most of the positive things in your life came in succession after a decent period of lacking such personal accomplishments. If you never had time to adjust to your new life the holdout habits from how your life used to be might still linger.

[Anonymous No.15882986]

>>15880610
If the tone of a post by an anonymous voice with no specific authority in your life was the worst thing to happen to you over the course of a day, I can assure you that you haven't much to worry about in life.

[Anonymous No.15883078]

>>15882604
Things only get worse and it's by comparison that even the poor moments of the past seem blissful in comparison

[Anonymous No.15883242]

>>15882889
I appreciate your suggestion of reflection. My views are a relatively recent development and occurred around the same time or a little after this string of achievements. I'm not sure if that means anything.

[Anonymous No.15883256]

>>15883242
Do you also perhaps feel you don't deserve those achievements?

[Anonymous No.15883319]

>>15883256
Maybe subconsciously, I'm not sure. I would say on the surface I'm fully aware of the amount of effort it took to get them so I feel deserving in that respect. It equally hurts me when I put in effort and the outcome does not reflect it.

[Anonymous No.15883365]

>>15872872
>Jews
Don't forget the Anglos too.

[Anonymous No.15883462]

>>15883319
Wasted effort is a bummer for everyone. But saying that makes me think it's not Imposter Syndrome at least. Perhaps a simple reflection might be all that's needed. Life's a beautiful thing, even if nothing happy ever happens within it. It's just up to us to find what we think makes it worth living.

[Anonymous No.15883464]

>>15866834
I told my parents that I’m not really liking my current job, and they were incredibly supportive, my mom saying how I was always welcome home and that I’d be on their healthcare for a few more years, my dad taking the time to look over my resume and had already sent me 10 different jobs in my degree field. I truly don’t deserve my parents, they are so good to me, I just wish they would know how much I truly appreciate them.

The sad thing about this too is I’ve been thinking this for a few months and done a bit of research myself, there really isn’t any jobs in the area, which means if I take steps to follow through with this, it’ll mean moving away from friends that I could see myself being with and around for the rest of my life. And I’m just not sure what I care about more, part of my dissatisfaction is definitely tied to COVID, I’m much more of an extrovert than I think I realize and working from home is a horrible thing for me. I don’t know if I’d be having these same feelings if I had been in the office the whole time. That’s also what makes this decision so hard.

[Anonymous No.15883504]

>>15883462
Thanks for hearing me out anon. It's a rare thing to speak with level-headed people online, let alone on a Cambodian cow herding forum.

[Anonymous No.15883556]

Books with older prose get magically easier to comprehend the further one gets into the book. Near the end your brain has learned the writer's style leading to the phenomenon of a quick second half.

[Anonymous No.15883599]

>>15883504
You'll find good people here if you know where to look and who to look for. Also even I'm not a paragon of good manners here considering I was calling some guy a retarded fag higher up in the thread.

[Anonymous No.15883613]

>>15883556
Might wanna crop the top vid off that one lad.

[Anonymous No.15883795]

I fucking hate the American left. Well, the right too. Honestly, Americans just seem to have too much fucking brain rot for politics. They live in a realm of Dave Rubin's ideas where geopolitics and political realities don't matter and you're just larping about what a smart socialist or chad fascist you are while going to your wageslave work and basically act like all the other sheep in the population that don't care about politics.
Political "beliefs" without action are worth less than shit. Literally.

[Anonymous No.15883876]

>>15883795
And you are massive cum guzzling faggot for thinking that the characteristics you've listed don't apply to majority of the colloquial West.
We're all living in America.
You are American and you're even gayer and dumber than your average American, because you let other Americans live rent free inside your gay, bugman head.
I am also gay.
And dumb.
Sincerely, a faggot.

[Anonymous No.15883898]

>>15883876
I don't live in the West.

[Anonymous No.15883930]

>>15883898
Then why the fuck do you bother to even think about the West?
Also, silence is the sign of agreement.
You fucking homo, go suck off a homeless person.

[Anonymous No.15883947]

>>15883930
I don't think about the West, you brought that up, lol. You're mentally ill.

[Anonymous No.15883970]

>>15883947
You just complained about the political climate in the US and how inaction in regards to ones political beliefs is worthless.
You just thought about the fucking West, all of the pop culture is from the US, all social media is controlled by the US, this shitty fucking forum was made in the US.
Stop being an inane shitheel and get a lobotomy if you're in denial this fucking bad.

[Anonymous No.15884048]

i wrote this in response to the drama ive witnessed of an anon spamming his immature book around. unfortunately the author reminded me a lot like myself. so it was heartbreaking - for me to imagine myself as hysterical as this situation gets. i'm only posting this here cause those threads were tiring as i was refreshing and seeing no new posters so it became completely disingenuous


2 things that are happening as i came back to /lit/ and see this drama.

I feel like any observation I make can be comparable to the egocentric book and thus makes me feel bad for having an opinion, I feel like most anons are in this predicament like me.

So despite all language and tone the book has, it's basically a self aware man publishing his journal. It's just that. It's easier to digest if you think of it as someones 4chan logs.

I heard this from a man I respect, and he said "your worst enemy is the man you wish you were". I think most anon's like me are jealous that someone is getting attention for opinions, just those, opinions. Ones which we all have obviously. The book doesn't deserve any recognition, and we should all keep our heads down and go back to our own work. this work is noted as something inconsequential, a practice for the author, his attraction of attention for his self awareness i'm sure most other anon's are capable of. most cliches and aphorisms can apply to what you're feeling much like myself, the book is written in a tone not like the author was a person, but someone like me who can easily regurgitate inner ego like i'm on laughing gas. i suggest the following cliches for the author "learn from your mistakes", and to anyone else shy like me to go back to work as fear of sounding cringe and a laughing stock "atleast the author was trying something "most people don't even begin to try at all"". and it's much easier to critique. there was an attempt. that's all

it only turns into a delusional manifesto if the author doesn't learn from his mistakes and ends up in jail for killing others in the name of his self grandeur

and so to abbreviate what we're all thinking. this was a massive ego trip. despite all the texts self-awareness, it lacked the most basic self-awareness at all, should I even publish this? I know it's hard to delete what you thought were good ideas, but it comes across every young mans mind once that your opinions and short-sighted ideas are pseudo-intellectual

[Anonymous No.15884071]

The mountain is too high. The feelings of inadequacy overwhelming. I shall return to my video games.

[Anonymous No.15884148]

i take better care of myself as an adult than my parents ever took of me.

[Anonymous No.15884424]

>>15884048
This was a good assessment of the topic.
I don't think there is anything else that needs to be said about it.
Thank you for posting this, anon.

[Anonymous No.15884514]

I always get a little bit manic when it's my birthday. I'm ashamed of wanting people to wish me a Happy Birthday, but I'm deeply happy when people remember and even get me a gift. Maybe birthdays are the most narcissistic holidays of all. But what I really want is for someone to acknowledge all the work I put in every day and to tell me that I'm important to them. It's pretty selfish, but I want to affect other people's lives and it's even better if I affect them in a positive manner. I don't celebrate my birthday with many people but I'm happy that people even bother to. I'm going to get myself a cake tomorrow.

[Anonymous No.15884633]

Gained weight due to medicine and I'm pretty disappointed with myself. I was ravenous whilst on it and never felt full. You know when you have low blood sugar sometimes and you feel weak and shaky and hungry? That is how I felt even whilst eating. I was pretty much just shoving food in my mouth when I ate. Like a beast. It wasn't fun, and neither was the feeling.

[Anonymous No.15884655]

rape

[Anonymous No.15884657]

I'm trying my hand at writing a novel and I've actually been going through with it this time, but I'm genuinely terrified of failure and rejection. I'm almost a third of the way through, and I find myself getting less and less motivated to actually continue writing. On one hand, I'm having a lot of fun finally putting to paper the ideas I've had dancing around in my head for years and developing a world and characters. But on the other hand I can't help but feel like it's gonna all be for nothing. For starters, the genre I'm trying to write for YA is absolutely abhorrent, completely over saturated, and appeals to the lowest common denominator of children stuck in the bodies of adults. Then there's this fear I can't shake that once if my book is good and I do get picked up by a publisher, they'll just take my work and IP as a whole and credit it to someone who didn't even write it, but who they can market more easily than me. Finally, I can't decide if I want to try and get it published under a pseudonym or not. I'll never be truly in the public spotlight, but I'll never be able to take any real credit for the idea.

[Anonymous No.15884878]

>>15867075
You're just young, it was always like that, honestly. Stuff that sells is stuff on hot topics. The game-changing novels, and the very important novels for history of literature, are rarely recognized as so within the first 15 years of publishing, and most likely they become impactful after the author is dead.

[Anonymous No.15884885]

>>15883970
>implying your American shithole is
>>the West
>all of the pop culture is from the US, all social media is controlled by the US
It literally isn't, but okay. Time to take your meds.
I'm embarrassed to be reading your posts, you sound like a complete schizo.

[Anonymous No.15884901]

>>15884885
I am not American.
Stay in denial.
Only the schizophrenic is free from absolute desolation and slavery.

[Anonymous No.15884907]

>>15884878
I know the war that Bloom had been fighting was going on for decades, but the dimensions are unheard of. I remember the best-seller lists, and the discussions, new books, and how there was still room for diverse themes, opinions, and topics like six to ten years ago.

[Anonymous No.15884910]

It's very hot.

[Anonymous No.15884942]

>>15866834
I just wrote an outline for a My Hero Academia fanfiction. God in heaven, have mercy on my soul. On the bright side, my internet has been down for the past few days and this is honestly the most writing I've ever done in that amount of time. I should start unplugging once in a while.

[Anonymous No.15885015]

My first love is leaving me. The first person I cried about, and I hadn't cried in almost 10 years. It seems I devoted too much of myself to her. I would have died for her, but she wanted someone more individual, she was already accustomed to being worshipped and I wasn't unique anymore.

My life is being wasted day by day. I just want to cut my losses and end it but God just won't let me die yet.

[Anonymous No.15885018]

>>15885015
Love is gay. You'll be stronger for this once you're done being a faggot over it for 3-12 months.

Protip: If it's over it's over. Delete her from all your phone shit so you can't pathetically grovel at her feet while drunk. Move on. Love you bro.

[Anonymous No.15885029]

>>15885018
I love you too. I'm a romantic at heart. All my worship will now be directed at anon.

[Anonymous No.15885188]

IM SICK OF MASTURBATING BUT I CANT STOP AAAAAAA

[Anonymous No.15885235]

All week I showed restraint. I held out for the reward. No matter how much I wanted it, I knew it would never be as good as it would be if only I could manage a few more days. And the week draws to an end, I did it. It is all I think about at work. The saliva starts to flow freely around noon, almost there. Concentration begins to wander and the clock is the only thing I can focus on. Finally! Punch out time and homeward bound. Home. Take out the fixings. Take out a plate to prepare it on, a knife to spread with, a fork to fish with. Spread it all out on the counter, prepped and ready. This is going to be good. Grab the bag with its two slices remaining, those two end slices, a crusty wonderful sandwhich to be. All week that first end had been taunting me as I worked my way through their limp middle sibblings, how good it would have been with breakfast, toasted with creme chese and jam, but I made it, temptation did not win out, Pull the slices from the bag and spread them on the plate. Fuck. Its another middle slice and a hair thin end that crumbles into 10 pieces when I pulled it from the bag. Dinner is ruined. Hunger is gone. Guess I will just shitpost and then masturbate myselft to sleep again.

[Anonymous No.15886079]

I just shit myself for the first time in my life.
I honestly thought it was going to be just a fart.

[Anonymous No.15886102]

>>15886079
how long have you been on God's green earth?

[Anonymous No.15886195]

Fact: it is ILLEGAL to listen to American Football without thinking about your failed high school romance.

[Anonymous No.15886226]

>>15886195
>high school romance
Ameritards just kill yourselves already.

[Anonymous No.15886243]

>>15886226
no one cares yuropoor

[Anonymous No.15886260]

>>15885188
why not?

[Anonymous No.15886267]

>>15886243
No, he's right. Just let it go dude

[Anonymous No.15886297]

>>15882736
It's just a common turn of phrase, when people call themselves a jack of all trades, they are usually denigrating themselves

[Anonymous No.15886390]

Moving to Montana soon
gonna be a dental floss tycoon

[Anonymous No.15888189]

bump from last thread

[Anonymous No.15888531]

>>15866834
I really wish I could have another go at my teen years. I completely wasted them on porn, anime and videogames and only now do I realise what a mistake I made. I quit that shit and i'm finally interested in stuff like sports, instruments, reading, languages, coding and in socializing more but as an adult it's a billion times harder both to find the time and your brain/body is so much less adaptable it's hard to even justify starting any of it. I know so many people who have me beat in literally every area it depresses me so much, I sometimes blame my parents/teachers/society for letting me grow up to be so mediocre but I know it's my own fault. I'm destined for a dull life of wageslaving and I just can't be happy with that.

[Anonymous No.15888967]

>>15886079
I've shit myself twice and each time I've felt stupid for it. It's ridiculous. Both times have been at my house when I thought it was just a fart but then I was betrayed by my own bottom.

[Anonymous No.15889030]

fucking cornflakes and milk man god damn

the world is very complicated, and to be honest I feel more like a boy than a man even though I'm almost thirty. I don't get none of it. I thought I got some of it but I'm not even sure about those parts right now.

The question is: how do you live in a way where you are at peace with God? Are there many ways to do that or just one? And if there are many, then what are the shared features? I'm a convert to a major religion, but you see so many people doing beautiful things, just small acts of kindness.

It seems to me there has to be a belief in a kind of "woven-into-the-fabric-of-reality" morality, be it the will of God or karma (which to me seems like the same thing). So probably you must believe in a kind of deeper consequence to choices we make.

[Anonymous No.15889044]

>>15888531
>I know so many people who have me beat in literally every area it depresses me so much
you just gotta find something you want to make for the sake of making it

[Anonymous No.15889213]

Botany is based, best science by far.

[Anonymous No.15889230]

>>15886226
All of the solid couples I know started going out in high school. Now 95% of them didn’t make it past graduation, but the ones that did seem to be set for life.

[Anonymous No.15889267]

I can't believe it. The local off-licence got rid of my favorite Polish slop. Now I have to spend a quid more on Dutch spooge that has .4% less alcohol.
Is this a symptom of /pol/'s beloved clown world? God save us all.

[Anonymous No.15889969]

I learnt that the woman I love was raped multiple times during her childhood. Been feeling like shit since then, don’t really know what to do. It’s all I can think about.

Also, one of them contacted her recently. She just told the guy to fuck off. To be honest, I want to get his name from her, find out where he is and make him pay.

[Anonymous No.15889997]

I want a 30min blowjob

[Anonymous No.15890001]

>>15889969
I heard a similar story from a chick I was fucking in college. She told me when she first came to America she got raped by some guy freshman year and told me his name and shit. Probably was true, but she knew I fought in MMA, so maybe she was hoping I'd go fuck him up, haha. Did NOT take the bait.

[Anonymous No.15890030]

>>15889969
Troubling sign that you say "the woman I love" and not "my gf" or "my wife" etc. Seems like a yikes kinda situation.

[Anonymous No.15890045]

>>15889969
have sex (with her)
watch a movie (criterion collection)

[Anonymous No.15890078]

[Anonymous No.15890089]

Is being gay a good enough reason to commit sudoku? Serious question.

[Anonymous No.15890123]

>>15890089
No, anon. There’s nothing wrong with being gay. Please, don’t kill yourself.

[Anonymous No.15890192]

>>15890078
based lmao, NYPD is an organized crime ring

[Anonymous No.15890224]

>>15890078
Is that addressing BLM?
I'm an euro and there's also no way of telling if the ad is recent.

[Anonymous No.15890374]

Despite being married and having my sexual needs and desires fulfilled (yeah, yeah, yuck it up) I still feel somewhat uncomfortable and insecure to read or hear about other men's sexual successes. To hear it gives me feelings of inferiority. I suppose that will never go away.

[Anonymous No.15890437]

>>15890374
Same here, I know for fact I have more sex than my single friends, but hearing about their flings gets me depressed

[Anonymous No.15890727]

>>15890437
Even just reading someone on the internet mention it is distressing. Some guy in another thread casually mentioned his teaching a chinese women how to deepthroat (a blatant brag) and it's annoying to read. What's really annoying, of course, is the involuntary discomfort I feel; I'm not sure if that is even something I could ever control. It's not from a sense of prudishness. I'm a buildy so at work I experience and particpate in a nonstop stream of lowbrow sexual humor and innuendo, and that's hilarious to me (what can I say, I'm a simple guy). But hearing men seriously brag about their sexual achievements just makes me uncomfortable, as if I am lower and lesser than them. I don't like to brag about my own exploits either.

[Anonymous No.15890766]

Teenagers are so fucking hot. Back when I was younger I couldn't think of womans my age, my head was full of teenagers. They're so beautiful, like muses in the earth. I love teenagers.

[Anonymous No.15890776]

I dont't know if I want to have a threesome with my girlfriend or I'm just intoxicated by pornography.

[Anonymous No.15890803]

>>15890374
>>15890437
I got all the pussy I wanted for ten straight years, played around and never committed, and all it has left me with is some kind of sexual disassociative disorder. You quickly realize that women only sleep around if they're lonely and craving validation, never because they enjoy sex in the same meaningless way that a man does. From there, if you are even a little morally conscious, it's a slow spiral into seeing them as confused idiots hurting themselves in the long run by letting men use them for sex (which is all casual sex can ever be for women). Either that or you pump and dump girls who actually thought you were interested in them for something more, which probably ruins your mind and soul even more than mine is ruined from going about it the honest way.

After enough "conquests," you realize sex is like an alternate form of masturbation unless you love the woman. Not even necessarily a superior form of masturbation. I started to get to the point that I enjoyed masturbating more than hooking up because at least the expectations were low and commensurate with the payoff, and I didn't have to debase myself for an evening or tolerate some chick wanting to watch a fucking movie with me afterwards.

The only way to enjoy promiscuity as a man is to be so wealthy or successful that women are truly on-tap for you, and then to use them as a form of upgraded masturbation. And this will leave you jaded and broken anyhow. I heard my rich friend who has done this for 20 years say recently that he just wishes he had someone who would stick around and be his friend after the sex is over, also known as a wife. Sex is meaningless to him now. He's truly depressed and now staring down old age alone.

That's the best you can hope for and it's still not great. Actually trying to "conquer" women is more about the chase than the payoff, but you don't realize this until it's too late. Plus, men who still do it after 30 are really pathetic, unless they get it effortlessly by being rich and then it's just creepy. But if you notice, majority of those guys are arrested development sorts who end up having the whole relationship drama, drunken Friday night fights, messy break-up and divorce, and so on, with some girl or trophy wife 30 years younger than them anyway.

My point is, except maybe as a natural Chad in your 20s, or if you are really just the kind of guy who wants to be a rich mogul who fucks a new girl every week in the same way you can afford to eat a $300 steak for the hell of it, male promiscuity isn't worth it except in the imagination. I had an existential crisis when I realized I won't get to grow old with a woman my age who I met in my youth, shared our best years together, had kids together, and then shared aging together. Best I can hope for now if I want kids is a gold digger or a woman willing to look past the age difference but there will always be a disconnect between us.

[Anonymous No.15890815]

>>15890776
Threesomes are mostly boring. They are also dangerous if she thinks you find the other girl more attractive than her in any way. If your girl is bi and truly open to the idea you can make it work, but if she's doing it just for you, you are on dangerous terrain. Badgering a woman to get her to let you to fuck other women is one of the surest ways to destroy her love for you in a way you can never fix. And to hurt her a lot.

The kind of woman who wants to be involved in a threesome is also either insane or a monster cunt, 99% of the time.

[Anonymous No.15890817]

>>15890374
this is because its not legal to fight them anymore. you are cucked

[Anonymous No.15890845]

>>15890817
Why would I want to fight someone else because they were sexually successful but simply indiscreet about it? That would be a much greater display of insecurity and would be seriously embarrassing.

[Anonymous No.15890858]

I argue with myself in front of my dad because I’m too afraid to talk to him

[Anonymous No.15890866]

>>15890858
Your dad sounds based af

[Anonymous No.15890872]

>>15890803
>he just wishes he had someone who would stick around and be his friend after the sex is over, also known as a wife

lmao, but ur still a chick pretending to be a dude

[Anonymous No.15890873]

>>15890866
He is. He’s a real alpha. He refers to women in terms of mileage driven. Like when he got remarried he said she “comes from good stock. Zero mileage.”

[Anonymous No.15890982]

>>15890845
If you were persuing successful sexual strategy you would simply break his legs and take his women. Instead you choose to be cuck

[Anonymous No.15891000]

>>15890982
what’s ur favorite videogame

[Anonymous No.15891012]

>>15891000
hatoful boyfriend

[Anonymous No.15891017]

>>15891000
mario party 3 with my concubines

[Anonymous No.15891035]

>>15891000
kichikuou rance

[Anonymous No.15891097]

does this fucking board even have jannies I haven't seen so many off topic threads in weeks

[Anonymous No.15891111]

>>15890374
Sex was never something I measured myself against. And I was right. Sex is easy. Ive known ugly people all my life who were fucking consistently. What’s not mine isn’t ever my concern. And I was right.

[Anonymous No.15891130]

>>15891097
I really doubt that there is a jannie who patrols /lit/ regularly. I just got off a ban for "Replying to off topic garbage", but it didn't tell me which of my posts did it, so I have no idea which board that thread was in. It gives me a small amount of hope that they will start enforcing bans on people who post in obvious bait threads though. Probably not though, inconsistent moderation on 4chan is like white on rice.

[Anonymous No.15891272]

currently eating an apple i found in a box on the ground labeled "free"
who /racoon/ here?

[Anonymous No.15891399]

>>15891272
I love those, I also take from fruit trees on the way to work. When lockdown happened I lived off foraged blackberries and raw eggs

[Anonymous No.15891411]

>>15891399
Where are you that blackberries were ripe then?

[Anonymous No.15891464]

>>15891411
Australia in march and april

[Anonymous No.15891533]

bpd cosplay girls are all crypto-landians

[Anonymous No.15891568]

>>15891533
I saw an alternative looking girl reading Capitalist Realism once and she had a Bataille book next to her.

[Anonymous No.15891702]

>>15891399
i've watched people pilfer fruit from this tree owned by an old asian grandma. she will come out and scream at them if she catches 'em. i also don't know what kinda fruit it is or how these people are eating em cause i never seen it before
kinda temped to urban forage. i live in a major city, but residential area with a lot of gardens in little boxes out on the grass strips next ta the sidewalks

[Anonymous No.15891708]

>>15885015
the same exact thing is happening to me anon :( we'll get through it hopefully

[Anonymous No.15891809]

>>15889969
How much do you think a rape is worth? $20? $25? Certainly no more than $30 USD. Are you taking inflation into account?

[Anonymous No.15892147]

I'm done trying to unfuck my life. I'm not worth the effort.

[Anonymous No.15893170]

I’m lonely and antisocial and over intellectualize things because I opted out of society and socialization in general due to the blatant discrimination I experienced growing up in society. Between becoming a brute and seeking revenge and trying my best to be the the most “normal” person in the room, I just opted out. I said fuck it. I just did me. I did this my whole life. Around me people are trying to make me believe that it didn’t have to be like this, and we can change the way things are. I want to believe. I want to learn to be comfortable with who I am, and be social and work with others to make a positive change in the world. I don’t want to dissect everything to death, I don’t want to over intellectualize myself into non action. I want to engage. If there’s a way I can belong, I’d like that. I’d like to find a way, for myself and others, who logged off a long time ago

[Anonymous No.15893981]

>at party
>dancing with girl
>I have imbibed quite a bit of bourbon and beer
>chick dancing with me drags me into a corner to make out
>we continue dancing
>her goblin friend whispers something in her ears and she says “sorry I have to go” and leaves
Normies ITT, what to do in this situation? Did her friend know I have unhealthy interests in Schopenhaur and Heidegger? What the fuck do I do next time I see her?

[Anonymous No.15893985]

Penis
Penis
penis
Penis

[Anonymous No.15894057]

>>15866834
I'm getting old. Don't really feel like talking to certain people and would probably lose my temper if I had to.

[Anonymous No.15894177]

>>15866834
How do you actually deal with intrusive thoughts (without frying your brain with SSRIs or modern therapy)? Sometimes it feels as if part of me actively wants to embarrass my conscious self by reoccurring thoughts.
I want to believe in the fact that I am not what I understand as my mind - actively speaking back to the thoughts has left me engaging with the same visualizations.
I want to believe that visualization can be the most profound awakening, yet it torments me.
I'm tired.

[Anonymous No.15894594]

I’m going to end it all