/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.15727926]

Can someone please for the love of fuck tell me if my plot is a steaming pile of doo doo or if it is alright?
I know writing isn't all about the plot, but it matters to me if it is autisticly designed or decently made. I know it at least is dented, may just all be terrible. But I'm so used to my own shit that I can no longer tell.
https://justpaste dot it/48g18
big thanks in advance

[Anonymous No.15728333]

bump before abandoning

[Anonymous No.15728346]

>>15727926
I read the first few sentences and it already decayed into dribble. I know this is an outline but it's hard for my brain to process any of this. perhaps your plot needs some clarity.

[Anonymous No.15728364]

>>15728333
I have yet to read the story, but I had advice for you. Accepting critiques of your writing merely means you are writing what other people want to see, not what you wish to write.

Furthermore, this board isn't very concerned with reading. You will find they prefer pretending they understand philosophy over sitting down with a good book.

[Anonymous No.15728367]

Just read the start of it. I ain't trawling through your plot outline.
It seems like it could be fine idk, really depends on how well you write it and if you keep the characters, scenes, and world interesting.

[Anonymous No.15728399]

>space frontier
stopped reading right there my guy

[Anonymous No.15728404]

>listening to /lit/

the first response thinks "drivel" = "dribble," why are you taking advice from the braindead retards here

[Anonymous No.15728448]

>>15728404
when you fish you don't hope to catch the biggest fish every time
>>15728364
Partially true. I write to make a story people enjoy, so I do care. But I'm going to accomplish that goal in my own fashion. I'm trying to reach a synthesis between the two.
>>15728367
understandable, thanks for the read
>>15728399
you don't like space? space is cool.

[Anonymous No.15728660]

>>15727926
This is rambling nonsense. Instead trying to do a scene by scene breakdown (which is premature anyway) try focusing on a more concise summary. Who's the main character and what personal trait is ruining his life and the lives of the people around him? What material thing does he want more than anything? Why can't he just get it (i.e who's stopping him)? What's his plan for getting that thing? Who/what does he have to fight to get it? What does he learn about himself in the process of getting (if anything)? What changes after he gets it (if anything)? That's the barebones of a story, pare everything down to that first and then see where the scenes fit in to make it concrete.

[Anonymous No.15728706]

>>15728660
This was written after the skeleton you've described.

[Anonymous No.15728730]

It's terrible. I don't know why you're asking people to rate your plot when you know plot isn't important.

What I'd be more worried about is the way you write. I don't know if English is your second language or if you combed through your plot outline with a thesaurus, but the way you write shit is clunky. "Stakes of dire consequences?" "Ceases to become a soulless decadent artist?" A "dilapidated earth?" "Due to the fallible nature of the procedure and is in agony?" I can't imagine reading pages of this.

And starting out a story with misery porn? Child abuse and suicide? And everything after that just seemed like random nonsense, and I don't see how any of it is connected, least of all your main characters dark, dramatic past.

If I were you I'd spend more time reading books. Maybe something will rub off on you. I mean, good luck. No one likes getting their art ripped apart by anonymous faggots on a Persian rug collectors forum, but you should care more about what you think of the story, and not what others think.

[l No.15728758]

>>15727926
>There he undergoes the process of relinquishing his flesh for metal, and his insides for cold steel, accepting an immortal life as the Caretaker, who will liberate all robotic sentience from the slavery of humanity.
holy shit this came out of nowhere. I'm sure you have the bigger picture in your head where this works out but the way you presented it in your paste is jarring.
>During a border conflict, Sam discovers a tribe of humans who have been surviving in the Earth’s underground for a few generations and seeks to know them better.
I think your worldbuilding is good. I hope you dive deeper into it in your finished product.

[Anonymous No.15728759]

>>15728730
What's in there is not how I actually write. What is there is just a barebones telling of what will happen. The actual prose is better.
I get what you mean though, if I wrote like that I'd be reacting to myself in the same way.

[Anonymous No.15728785]

>>15728758
Oh yeah that is jarring. It was a bit of a last minute add on, but I did forget to mention in that paste that basically the entite thing is going to contain themes that work towards the fact that this guy is so fed up with humanity that he denies it. He'd prefer being a robot rather than them, and his demented mindset contributes to it. He genuinely thinks that this "race" is better even though they were created by humans.
Thanks for reading that far. (or whatever you read) Helps me out.

[Anonymous No.15728815]

The other replies say so, but I'll say it just to clarify. It's a jarring nasty outline of happenings that is long, and is not meant to be my prose, and I didn't expect anyone to actually read it or read all of it, just throwing my line out there anyway. Clankier than a wooden rollercoaster, but just built to show where the story goes with tinted dirty windows rolled up.
I'm simply asking if I'm shit-plot or not because I want my plot cake and my prose cake too.

[Anonymous No.15728894]

>tfw forgot that part 1 is written in chronological order
>the book is not written in chronological order and everything that happens pre dog getting sick is dripped throughout the chapters
whoops

[Anonymous No.15728904]

>>15728815
Try writing an actual outline:
>Daniel is a depressed suicidal asshole with amnesia who raises dogs. One day he goes to outer space and everything is wacky and different! He and his amnesiac friends get captured by space pirates and he swears revenge over the deah of his robo waifu!

Your summary just tells me a list of names, places, people meeting and dying. I don't even know what the setting is or if these people even like each other.

[Anonymous No.15728919]

There’s a lot of cool thinks to make of this once you prose it, but who is Maya?

[Anonymous No.15728967]

>>15728904
Yeah. I'm starting to see the retardedness of sharing an outline that was made for me and not an audience. I stand corrected to people who think this was a bad idea now lmao.

>>15728919
Crew member.

But yeah, at least I'm editing it to be in book order and not time order now. Going to post for the hell of it whenever I finish.

[Anonymous No.15729017]

It's a trainwreck thread and I can't look away. Fixed the order.
https://justpaste dot it/3lyuz

[Anonymous No.15730526]

>>15727926
What am I read here?

[Anonymous No.15730925]

>>15728730
dilapidated earth is good

[Anonymous No.15731210]

>>15730526
above post is better but, hopefully, a halfway decent pew-pew book plot (????)

[Anonymous No.15731325]

I guess it's decent. I fail to see the appeal in some characters (the daughter, the wife and the brother) and don't really get what there is to be found at the end of this supposedly wacky story as this is only the bigger lines of the plot, but it can be used.

[Anonymous No.15731687]

>>15729017
That makes it a bit clearer, cool OP
One thing I don’t quite get though are of whether or not the boy/girl robots are on that automaton planet, are they both there or was it just one of them and if so which one did you mean?

[Anonymous No.15731767]

>>15730925
dilapidated is used to refer to buildings or objects. You wouldn't describe a planet as "broken down" or "in disrepair." An abandoned city is maybe dilapidated. But would you describe a forest or a desert or an ocean as dilapidated?

[Anonymous No.15731851]

>>15731687
The boy, Maxwell, went into a pair of glasses that Sam had (electronic so he could yeah, "go into" them) and saw everything he saw on the planet. MaryAnne could not do this, so went there physically, trying to hide from those who would be against her going. Both were forbidden to go since seeing other automations' history wouldn't be good. Any data that the robot owner doesn't know about is considered a big nono.

[Anonymous No.15732605]

bazinga

[Anonymous No.15732665]

>>15727926
>Sam was a son to a perfectionist mother who forces him
Stopped reading right here. Get your fucking tenses right before you come asking people for input.

[Anonymous No.15732681]

>>15731767
A forest? Absolutely. It's okay to use some words in somewhat unconventional ways, especially when it's extremely evocative like the image of a dilapidated forest.

[Anonymous No.15733592]

>>15732665
damn what a hardass