the contest that was won by the man from England

[Anonymous No.15534582]

Someone here suggested I try to make my story more over-the-top instead of grotesque, i didnt see any critique general so ill post it here.

"A gram uranium is roughly 20 billion calories." Said the teacher on the cyber-classroom screen on the public prison's cafeteria. The enforced learning session was in order,but one man dared to reply"what would YOU know?"
The guards , gorillas with human microchip-brains and football-style armor,quickly formed a circle against the insolent inmate.
"I eat 5 pound of uranium. a DAY" continued to rant the inmate. The gorilla-guards used their shields to try to squish him to a pulp, but he flexed his muscles so quickly, it caused a shockwave that sent them all flying.
"Can't stay here, chaps. the contest is 'bout to begin". Saying this, he made a pose; a bodybuilding contest staple pose, with his arms raised upwards, his stomach in a vacuum. He flexed his muscles. He executed such isometric pressure and contraction of the muscular mass,that he slipt trough the atoms and ,due to the earth rotating at a different speed than his atotmic vibrations, appeard a long,long way away from the prison.
"Now. To the contest!" shouted the man with joy.

[Anonymous No.15534632]

The underground anti-WWIV complex's stadium(formerly a swimming pool to park nuclear submarines) was full, full of the world's richest and most influental men(thats right:no women). Dictators, mafia bosses ,pitbull trainers and vaccine human lab rats. Anyone who was paid a lot was there. Dressed in tracksuits and sweapants with shirts,they waived the flags of their provinces of the United Earth Federation, drank soft drinks and alcohol-free beer, and bet provincial-budget-tier sums.
The announcet, a dwarf with a pot belly, yelled:" Art thou ready for the contests of champions? the showdown of gods?"
YES! yelled the audience
"then, LO! let it begin"

At once, a parade of mankind's Finest entered the stage.

[Anonymous No.15534636]

>>15534582
based charlie. have a bump lad.

[Anonymous No.15534682]

(the names of the provinces are the names of the areas that were formerly independent countries)
from Japan came a bad, dragging rolls of belly fat, a long-haired behemoth whose notorious belly was so big, he had enough space to get a tattoo of all 340 Poke-'em-on
He had a group of helpers carrying a small swimming pool, the ones kids use,full of chanko soup.

from Russia, came a long-bearded farmer, carrying one hand, a giant kettlebell with an Icon of the current Patriarch carved in it,and on the other hand, a myostatin-inhbited polar bear whos head he had smashed.

from India came a princely-clothed man with a moustache so thick it could have endured being cut by a diamond-bladed razor. He was wearing baggy clothes, royal garments of old, so his phsyque couldnt be seen in all its glory, but he had a commanding presence, a big frame,and mighty muscles.