/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.15406365]

washoe favid book mate

[Anonymous No.15406366]

Jamie Vardy Biography innit

[Anonymous No.15406377]

>>15406365
God I hate Angl*s so much.

[Anonymous No.15406385]

>>15406365
The saddest thing is that these faggots are all mentally inferior to me, yet would all be able to take me out in a fight. What does an intellectual do in these circumstances? I could join a boxing gym, but my lack of fighting ability is largely genetic anyway. I have small, brittle hands and thin wrists.
Seriously, I should be ruling over them, but if I encountered one of these inferior people in the street I would be constantly at their mercy, knowing that they could turn on me and put me out in an instant.

[Anonymous No.15406389]

>>15406385
carry a gun

or find yourself a giant protective gf/bf

[Anonymous No.15406393]

>>15406385
Take kickboxing instead. Leg kicks in street fights are incredibly strong as no one expects or knows how to defend against them.

[Anonymous No.15406394]

>>15406377
cope

[Anonymous No.15406399]

Why do they dress like faggots?
I haven't gone to the city in months, is this the new in thing?

[Anonymous No.15406404]

>>15406365
I loike a bit of Kant at night wi the missus

[Anonymous No.15406405]

>>15406385
>intellectual
>not fit for a fight
you forgot to add PSEUDO

[Anonymous No.15406410]

>>15406393
>implying those lads didn't have a youth filled with working class muay thai and boxing gyms mixed with regular street fights

[Anonymous No.15406413]

>>15406366
fackin choice me old sahn

[Anonymous No.15406415]

>>15406385
CAM ON THEN

[Anonymous No.15406434]

>>15406365
Are they all shopped, or only 2nd from the left?

[Anonymous No.15406438]

>>15406385
>yet would all be able to take me out in a fight
So?

[Anonymous No.15406440]

>>15406399
its sexcore attire, works well with the ladies

[Anonymous No.15406444]

>>15406365
what do these people even do

[Anonymous No.15406447]

>>15406444
sex

[Anonymous No.15406463]

>>15406444
your muvver innit

[Anonymous No.15406465]

>>15406393
>t never was in a street fight
High kicks are fucking impractical in a street fight.
What you say only works if your opponent is a noob compared to you. Obviously a good head kick ends the fight, but it's so hard to train and very risky.
For people who can't learn to punch for shit, I'd recommend judo / sambo / some kind of wrestling.
If you don't stand against someone who's also skilled in this area, you can close the distance and avoid punches and ground the opponent.
Not very good if you stand against multiple people but that's another story completely.

[Anonymous No.15406470]

>>15406393
>>15406465
Sorry, I see I dumbly misread your post.
Yes, leg kicks are totally a way to go.
No need to take on kickboxing for that though.

[Anonymous No.15406508]

>>15406444
These guys fuck, anon.

[Anonymous No.15406509]

Holy fuck the working class are subhuman, 80% of humanity needs to be made serfs again. Fully srs, these are maggots writhing in the corpse of a culture

[Anonymous No.15406532]

>>15406509
They probably make £1 million+ a year as traders in the City. Meanwhile, you read Bronte novels on your lumpy futon.

[Anonymous No.15406556]

>>15406365
>tfw that's my local train station
I've got to get out of here lads

[Anonymous No.15406559]

>>15406413
>>15406415
Go on Deano my son!

[Anonymous No.15406566]

>>15406532
>They probably make £1 million+ a year as traders in the City.
They definitely didn't.

[Anonymous No.15406576]

>>15406532
>They probably make £1 million+ a year as traders in the City
They definitely don't.

[Anonymous No.15406580]

>>15406576
I think maybe they do, it’s a indictment of our current societal model that these people can rise to the relative top of it

[Anonymous No.15406581]

Deano is a master of nietzschean self overcoming and is closer to ubermensch status than you ever will be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_VeWhYMJJ0

[Anonymous No.15406589]

>>15406580
I know people like this, they're at best lower middle class office monkeys working in recruitment.

[Anonymous No.15406592]

>>15406509
>>15406576
I don't know where you live if you cannot identify these faggy pieces of shit as being upper class American urbanites. The clothing, hairstyles, tattoo choices, and even the fucking location make this ridiculously obvious. You dumbshits love to act like getting ripped requires you to spend 10 years as a pipe fitter in Antarctica.

[Anonymous No.15406607]

>>15406592
They're British, retard. They're standing outside Birmingham New Street.

[Anonymous No.15406610]

>>15406444
Drinking, clubbing, and fucking.

[Anonymous No.15406612]

>>15406607
They are Americans even if they were born in Britain, you can have them.

[Anonymous No.15406620]

>>15406610

[Anonymous No.15406623]

>>15406610
sounds boring and unfruitful

[Anonymous No.15406624]

>>15406612
You can't just offload all your chavs and douchebags to America, mate. That's not how it works.

[Anonymous No.15406634]

>>15406612
>They are Americans even if they were born in Britain
Carry on coping.

[Anonymous No.15406651]

So, /lit/ has chosen to take the Deano pill

[Anonymous No.15406655]

[Anonymous No.15406659]

>>15406385
Why not befriend them? Then they would fight for you & protect your scrawny arse.

[Anonymous No.15406663]

>>15406365
super short, super tight trousers on men looks ridiculous

[Anonymous No.15406665]

[Anonymous No.15406666]

>>15406651
How did this come into being? How did the majority of the teenage chavs, emos and autists of my generation all morph into this hideous monoculture?

[Anonymous No.15406671]

>>15406444
things you will never understand

[Anonymous No.15406675]

>>15406655

[Anonymous No.15406681]

>>15406623
Have sex

[Anonymous No.15406685]

>>15406665
Sounds like a simpler, happier life

[Anonymous No.15406698]

>>15406666
Material golem rendered by the absence of any higher ideals

[Anonymous No.15406705]

>>15406685
It absolutely is, but at what cost

[Anonymous No.15406713]

>>15406659

Deanos are good lads, their heart is in the right place, however their soul is on finance and unfortunately a bleak future awaits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeT167d8moo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeT167d8moo

[Anonymous No.15406714]

>>15406705
about 95% of your salary going towards monthly interest heavy payments

[Anonymous No.15406723]

>>15406685
>>15406665
Seems nice but he should have a propa' bimbo wife, those slags are disgusting.

[Anonymous No.15406730]

>>15406556

Deano is a titan, he can't be stopped, he will creep into your rural idyll and build swathes of Deano boxes as far as the eye can see

The Greeno belt will surrender to the Deano belt

[Anonymous No.15406732]

>>15406713
how do you end up like this

[Anonymous No.15406734]

>>15406723
Oh he does, she has taken the bogdanoff pill

[Anonymous No.15406748]

>>15406385
You sound like a massive faggot

[Anonymous No.15406757]

>>15406723

[Anonymous No.15406759]

>>15406444
Your mother

[Anonymous No.15406761]

>>15406723
It would be fine apart from the recent lip filler trend
That is where uncanny valley begins

[Anonymous No.15406766]

>>15406713
>Tom Zanetti
I used to know this guy's cousin. He used to bully me in high school. Anyway it just proves that Deano culture is an Italian cultural export -- 'Zanetti'. Italians love to be gaudy and retarded

[Anonymous No.15406768]

>>15406732

Ye cannot serve God and mammon.

[Anonymous No.15406773]

>>15406623
Yeah keep telling yourself that

[Anonymous No.15406774]

>Holy fuck the working class are subhuman, 80% of humanity needs to be made serfs again. Fully srs, these are maggots writhing in the corpse of a culture

[Anonymous No.15406775]

>>15406365
do women really?

[Anonymous No.15406776]

>>15406766
British guidos... god help us.

[Anonymous No.15406780]

>>15406685
>life so hard cos i pretend to read books
shut da fuk up

[Anonymous No.15406785]

>>15406775
Yes.

[Anonymous No.15406789]

>>15406766
His real name is something irish, thats his mums maiden name

I think the spiritual home of Deano-ism is Essex, however they have a vast diaspora

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1tdBleHaV8

[Anonymous No.15406790]

STREETS LIKE A JUNGLE

[Anonymous No.15406794]

>>15406385
>The saddest thing is that these faggots are all mentally inferior to me, yet would all be able to take me out in a fight. What does an intellectual do in these circumstances?

[Anonymous No.15406795]

>>15406775
It's not better in other countries either.

[Anonymous No.15406803]

>>15406789
Well the guy I knew who was his cousin had the last name 'Zanetti', so there's some guinea blood mixed in there somewhere.

[Anonymous No.15406813]

>>15406365
Deanos and their chav underclass brethren are unironically worse than niggers.

[Anonymous No.15406814]

They are why poor people shouldn’t be allowed to have money, centuries of poverty have left their class with deeply ingrained unsatisfied material desires and when they come into (some) money due to humanitarian restructuring of society and its financial mobility they finally then get the expensive car (monthly payments) and the shoes and the boob job and the house in the neoghetto. Once they have done this and taken enough selfies with these things for social media they reach the conclusion that they have achieved the maximum fulfilment out of life, that they have arrived at the ceiling, the highest existence. They are the consumerist goblins, a peasants parody of wealthy life. At least when they are dying as cannon fodder fighting Bonaparte or knifing each other over bread rations they have some archetypal meaning to their existence

[Anonymous No.15406825]

>>15406795
it's as if someone cloned a retard over and over again
but for what purpose?

[Anonymous No.15406834]

>>15406813

Deano and Ngubu are good mates, what you talking about?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_OIkuwEGtg

[Anonymous No.15406836]

>>15406780
try reading :)

>>15406795
>other countries
Thats birmingham tho

[Anonymous No.15406848]

>>15406385
Take anavar and beat them to the point of death so they know not to dress or act like that again. Steroids are actually an intellectuals drug. It is healthier for you than most natural body building which entails bulking which isn't good for you.

[Anonymous No.15406852]

>>15406836
Whereabouts in Brum, I don't recognize it? The swarm of pakis does make it likely though. Unless, that's the joke.

[Anonymous No.15406856]

>>15406789
He went over well with the morning crew:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQpMWqzjcDM

[Anonymous No.15406857]

>>15406814

What I want to know is why their aesthetic sense is so under developed?

I wouldn't mind their flashy behaviour if they had taste

[Anonymous No.15406858]

>>15406773
I do the same but without the sex

[Anonymous No.15406859]

>>15406834
Real niggers hate Deano with a passion. Only middle class niggers who grew up in mostly white areas hang out with him.

[Anonymous No.15406869]

>>15406852
Buildings are too nice for birmingham on second viewing, probable France/Italy

[Anonymous No.15406874]

>>15406857
function over form, gotta get footy practice in the back garden wahey

[Anonymous No.15406878]

>>15406814
Don't pretend your great-grandparents weren't working class.

[Anonymous No.15406881]

>>15406836
>Thats birmingham tho
That's Germany.
>>15406825
That's just the pheotype, just like when you take 10 indians, they'd look the same too.

[Anonymous No.15406888]

>>15406881
Those aren't Deanos they look like gangsters

[Anonymous No.15406891]

>>15406857
How can anyone be satisfied with this? It looks like a prison yard.
And I thought American suburbia was bad.

[Anonymous No.15406893]

>>15406365
holy fucking shite mate these subhumans have the worst sense of aesthetics.

[Anonymous No.15406897]

>>15406888
They look like the type to join ISIS when their drug-dealing career doesn't pan out.

[Anonymous No.15406900]

>>15406856
He comes across as strangely infantile, how have they been so mentally stunted?

Its no wonder these people are so easy to manipulate

[Anonymous No.15406906]

>>15406881
>>15406888

>Those aren't Deanos they look like gangsters
Deano might get a bit cheeky, but he's fundamentally a good lad.

[Anonymous No.15406914]

>>15406891
Who needs a garden when you have a bentley on finance?

[Anonymous No.15406938]

>>15406365
Only the short one hitting legs, huh

[Anonymous No.15406952]

As this is a /lit/ thread

Post your favourite extracts from this essential classic

https://play.google.com/books/reader?id=f7u4DwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=ebookstore&pg=GBS.PP1

[Anonymous No.15406963]

>>15406385
>The saddest thing is that these faggots are all mentally inferior to me, yet would all be able to take me out in a fight.
how old are you?

[Anonymous No.15406964]

>>15406859
only those that also hate all white people.

[Anonymous No.15406987]

>>15406952

This book was written by his Dad, pic related, Daz Courtney, no doubt he is a dealer too

Winter 1995 – Aged 28

He’s a good lad, really.’ My mother explained this to her pal in a not so sure way; she knew I was up to no good, but she didn’t see any harm in what I was doing. I was a kind-hearted villain to her. Robin Hood. ‘He’s a drug dealer , Jackie; all the young’uns on the estate get Es off him. Everybody knows except you it seems.’ My mam would always shrug these kind of absurd comments off, make excuses for me, anything but realise that everyone was right. I was a bastard. That was it. End of. Anyway, I wasn’t a drug dealer. Not really. Drug dealers have got loads of money, they drive flash cars, they sell heroin to school kids. Don’t they? A bit of Billy and a few Es doesn’t make a drug dealer. Does it? Now, being a drug dealer and selling drugs are two completely different situations. I fell into the latter. Here’s how it goes… You’re the self-proclaimed “World’s number one DJ and Porno Legend”! You work every night of the week entertaining the masses until the early hours. You want to unwind after work… but it’s 2am… What do you do? You go to a club until 9am, that’s what! Then what do you do? Yep, you got it in one…You go to a party until four in the afternoon. Go home… eat a snack… go back to work at 7.30pm, and so it goes on. Fantastic!

A lifestyle to envy? Of course it is! There’s only one “minor problem”. Three or four weeks of this and you will die of exhaustion. I know – I’ll take something to make me lively all the time. I mean, I owe it to my paying customers, don’t I? A tired DJ is a shit DJ. A miserable DJ makes his crowd miserable. A miserable crowd won’t come back. I’m never tired and never miserable. Why? Because I know “a man who knows a dog”. That’s why. Being behind the decks is like a drug – you get addicted, it’s true, and you feel famous, even though you’re only in the tiny bars of Leeds, yeah, you feel famous . Everybody knows who you are, everybody wants to buy you a drink, everybody wants you to go to bed with them and everybody wants to give you drugs. Sounds good to me. Buying drugs to me was part of the job; I had to stay awake, right? Be happy. Everybody had drugs if you wanted some. My drug was Billy. Billy. Whizz. Speed. Fast. Quick. Phet. Powder. Pink champagne. Paste. Amphetamines, whatever name you gave it, it still kept you awake; no matter what you call it, it still makes you the most talkative person in the entire universe; no matter what you call it, it still makes you the happiest person this side of a Butlin’s redcoat. No matter what you call it, it would make you paranoid. I started off getting a couple of “wraps” a week, but as the lifestyle got more hectic so did the need for more “gear”.

[Anonymous No.15407031]

>>15406952
>>15406987

Not gonna lie, i'm actually enjoying this read:


>Shitting in a public bog has never been my favourite thing in the world, but if you gotta go, then needs must. I walk into the bogs and there’s heaps of guys hanging around, y’know, smoking weed and drinking beer that they sneaked in. Oh, and there are some black guys. I’m looking for a cubicle with a door that locks and there isn’t a single one, all broken. Hellfire, Mr Turd is pushing against the gusset of me scrundies now. Fuck it. I dive into a cubicle, close the door, drop me trolleys, sit straight down and start to squeeze one out. Bliss. The fact that the door won’t lock and I’m having to lean forward to keep it closed with my hand doesn’t matter. When you’re dying for a crap and it comes out, there is no better fucking feeling. I’m chuckling to myself because I can hear David Bowie and Queen singing Under Pressure from the club. Splash ! Turd number one has landed – wet all me arse as well with the splash. I don’t care because here comes turd number two, and he is a beauty – squeeze, Gaz, get the fucker out. And then, out of nowhere: Bang! The toilet door slams open and hits me right in the fucking eyebrow, blood gushing, pissing out –always does from your eyebrow, man. ‘What the fuck?’I exclaimed in utter shock. I can’t believe my fucking eyes. This is unbe- fucking- lievable. I’m taking a dump, the fucker is still halfway out of my arse, and there’s King and fucking Kong in the doorway of my cubicle. Two huge black kids… well, they were huge to me. One of them had a hair lip. Some sort of cleft palate or summat. ‘Leeeanne me teeeane peeeeeannce, white bwoouy.’ Oh no, man, it was the guys from the other side of the club, the bullies.

1/2

[Anonymous No.15407039]

>>15407031

>‘You have got to be kiddin’ me. I’m having a fucking shite.’ ‘Monaaaay now, bwoouy.’ I’m getting nervous now, these cunts mean business and I’ve still got Charlie Brown hanging from me arse, too thick to nip. Under Pressure still playing in the club. ‘Look, fellas, let me finish me crap and I’ll see what I’ve got in me pockets. Okay. One minute.’ I wave my finger as if to repeat what I just said. Humiliation is the worst torture known to man. Forget getting red hot needles in your eyes or razors across the bell of your dick, humiliation is the worst, and guess what, these dudes have got it off to a fine fucking art. Completely ignorant to my plea, they each grab a foot, and Bong! They pull me straight off the toilet and onto the tiled floor, the “wet through with everyone in the fucking club’s piss” floor. This is the most unfunny thing that has ever happened to me. This is not at all nice. Not only am I sitting in rivers of piss, but the big, fat, creamy turd that was hanging from my sphincter chopped off on the seat when they pulled me off and smeared right up my back. No, not smeared – the only word to describe it is smathered , yeh, smathered up my nice new white frilly shirt. And I banged me head on the seat, but that wasn’t so bad as it was a crappy plastic one. I get a swift kick to the chin from King, a jab in the cheek from Kong, they rifle me pockets, take my cash, what little I already had, and they fuck off. Laughing. I manage to stand up, a bit shaken up from the kick and the punch, but fuck that, man, I’m covered in piss, and there is brown, fuckin’, foul, stinking shite all the way up my back, even on my hair, my lovely hair. I look in the mirror and I’m a right mess. And I stink. Of shit. That right there just sucked the fun right out of my childhood, man. I limp back out to the dance floor to Claire, still with lots of shite left on me – couldn’t wash it all off in the toilet – she sees me, smells me, calls me a dirty little bastard and gets sick over me, big fucking chunky sick as well. Then she runs off crying. Leaving me stood staring at the DJ, who must think he’s a funny fucker because he bangs on Don’t You Want Me by Human League. Har bloody har. I never saw Claire again as long as I lived. Pity that, she looked like Bardot. I’ve no cash, so I have to walk the four miles home. Stinking. In the rain. And the wind. Glenroy was right though, man, these guys weren’t black, they were fucking n*****s !

2/2

[Anonymous No.15407056]

>>15406385
.t the underground man

[Anonymous No.15407063]

>>15406665
God, life is so bleak

[Anonymous No.15407071]

[Anonymous No.15407086]

>>15406365
Luv me some Clarkson mate, top bantz

[Anonymous No.15407102]

>>15407031
>>15407039
kek... I laughed

[Anonymous No.15407107]

>>15407102
That's what kek means you twat

[Anonymous No.15407117]

>>15406734
She looks like an automaton

[Anonymous No.15407121]

>>15406952
Actually the best literature I have read in a long time

>I’ve always maintained that “you should beware the little guy”. If you go to a nightclub and the bouncer is only five foot tall and the others are all six foot bruise monsters, then you should watch out for the little fella. He’s there for a reason. He can do some damage. I’ve never been big. Sometimes wish I was, but never have been. Oh well. But Steve, my mate Steve, my “business” partner, from a distance you’d believe he was nothing. Five foot eight, a very unassuming looking character, like looking at John Hurt. Drinks with his pinky stuck out and crosses his legs. But if you get up real close and you can see into his eyes, shark’s eyes, then you know, you know he can hurt you. Bad. They call him “Unsolved Steve”. This name, apparently, is attributed to him because most of the unsolved murders in Leeds are supposedly from his hands. A black guy once walked over to him in a pub, real mean-looking bastard, Steve with his legs crossed and all, and said to Steve, ‘Are you a puff?’ Steve didn’t even flinch at this remark, he knew full well that the guy wanted to cause trouble, and just calmly answered with, ‘No, mate. Are you a n*****?’ Before anyone even knew what was going on, the black guy was laid on the deck. A broken bottle stuck in his neck. Like I said. He can hurt you. Oh, and he snorts extreme amounts of coke. Tonight was no exception. I’d had some too, just a little mind. I mean, I’m no drug addict, but Steve had half of Colombia up his nostrils. We’ve got to go and pick up some cash; a guy we do business with, Rasta Bill, owes us two hundred quid and he’s asked us to meet him in the “blues”. The blues, a shebeen, an after-hours drinking den. Illegal, of course. These places can be pretty daunting – middle of Chapeltown, the run-down black ghetto of Leeds. Always, and I mean always, run by, and mostly frequented by, blacks. But that doesn’t matter to us. They’re our mates. Most of ’em. We’re driving up Chapeltown Road, the hookers in small groups trying to sell their wares, large groups of teenage black kids jumping around outside the chicken shop, great big Victorian houses made into flats and bedsits looming over us. Dustbins burning, surrounded by tramps. Scary place. ‘It’s getting bad around here, Gaz. Look at the state of it.’ Steve hates Chapeltown.

1/5

[Anonymous No.15407126]

>>15406775
Is that a shooped?

[Anonymous No.15407127]

>>15407121

Doesn’t much care for the blacks unless they’re doing business nothing. Five foot eight, a very unassuming looking character, like looking at John Hurt. Drinks with his pinky stuck out and crosses his legs. But if you get up real close and you can see into his eyes, shark’s eyes, then you know, you know he can hurt you. Bad. They call him “Unsolved Steve”. This name, apparently, is attributed to him because most of the unsolved murders in Leeds are supposedly from his hands. A black guy once walked over to him in a pub, real mean-looking bastard, Steve with his legs crossed and all, and said to Steve, ‘Are you a puff?’ Steve didn’t even flinch at this remark, he knew full well that the guy wanted to cause trouble, and just calmly answered with, ‘No, mate. Are you a n*****?’ Before anyone even knew what was going on, the black guy was laid on the deck. A broken bottle stuck in his neck. Like I said. He can hurt you. Oh, and he snorts extreme amounts of coke. Tonight was no exception. I’d had some too, just a little mind. I mean, I’m no drug addict, but Steve had half of Colombia up his nostrils. We’ve got to go and pick up some cash; a guy we do business with, Rasta Bill, owes us two hundred quid and he’s asked us to meet him in the “blues”. The blues, a shebeen, an after-hours drinking den. Illegal, of course. These places can be pretty daunting – middle of Chapeltown, the run-down black ghetto of Leeds. Always, and I mean always, run by, and mostly frequented by, blacks. But that doesn’t matter to us. They’re our mates. Most of ’em. We’re driving up Chapeltown Road, the hookers in small groups trying to sell their wares, large groups of teenage black kids jumping around outside the chicken shop, great big Victorian houses made into flats and bedsits looming over us. Dustbins burning, surrounded by tramps. Scary place. ‘It’s getting bad around here, Gaz.

2/5

[Anonymous No.15407136]

>>15407127

>Look at the state of it.’ Steve hates Chapeltown. Doesn’t much care for the blacks unless they’re doing business with us. ‘I’ve seen worse,’ I whisper, whilst staring at the run-down parade of shops from my passenger window. Steve looks amazed. ‘You’ve seen fucking worse ? Where ?’ We both burst out laughing. ‘You know what my worst nightmare is, Steve?’ ‘No. What?’ I go silent for about ten seconds to wind him up. ‘I said, do you know what my worst nightmare is?’ Steve looks at me sideways, somewhat disgruntled, and groans, ‘Go on, what’s your worst nightmare.’ I go silent again, looking out the windows and acting like I haven’t heard him. ‘Do you know what my worst nightmare is, Steve? Steve. Do you?’ I love winding people up. He’s mad now. ‘Fuck off, Gaz. I don’t want to know what your worst fucking nightmare fucking is. Fuck off.’ ‘Go on, have a guess what it is.’ ‘No, fuck off.’ I sing it to him now in an operatic voice, ‘Guess what it is, go on, see if you can. You tit.’ He just stares at me, twitching his eye. ‘My worst nightmare is…’ I start laughing because his face is getting red with anger, ‘is getting kicked to death.’ Steve draws his breath. ‘Aw, man, that would be shit.’ I carry on, still half giggling, ‘I’m not bothered about dying, I just don’t want to get kicked to death. I know that everyone, and I mean every single bloke in the land, gets at least one bad kicking during his life, but I don’t want to get kicked to death. Especially if they do it from the legs upwards. That would be shit. Not even funny.’ Steve’s laughing again. ‘It happened to me ages ago.’ He says this so matter of factly that it’s unreal. I crack up laughing at this statement. ‘How the fuck can it have happened to you ages ago? You’re not dead, you clown.’

3/5

[Anonymous No.15407143]

>>15407136

>He gets a bit defensive. ‘I don’t mean kicked to death, you nutter, I mean I took a good kicking. I was seeing this bird, married she was. Anyway, I’m bang at it with her in the bedroom, fucking porno star I was, when we heard her husband come in downstairs and he had three of his mates with him, didn’t he? So I’ve leapt up to the window, bollock naked, and jumped out. Only twisted me fucking ankle, didn’t I? That was it, man. All four of ’em ran out, me lying there in the bastard snow, bollocko, and they started to boot the fuck out of me. They even kicked me in me hard on. Can you believe that? I still had a fucking hard on. Not for long though, after they kicked the bastard. Anyway, I didn’t die.’ ‘Fuck that, Stevie boy, getting kicked in the cock is not funny. At all. Anyway, c’mon, we’re here.’ Now, pulling up outside the blues, which is only a house with beer and music, is an ordeal in itself – the slags come up and offer you a fifteen quid shag and the little crack heads offer to sell you some rocks. We just tell them all to get fucked. There are normally a couple of black meatheads on the door. We know ’em usually, but tonight we don’t recognise them at all. Two real mean looking bastards. And they’ve got a dog. A big fuck off pit-bull trying to tear itself away from its master’s grip. Slavering and barking like a scary fucking monster. Boombastic by Shaggy is bellowing through the doorway and out onto the street. ‘Not tonight, gents.’ The guy who says this looks like Mike Tyson. He even has the crazy shaving on his hair, and he smiles when he says it. No, not a smile, a smirk. Steve just stares blankly at the floor as I pipe up in my most jovial of voices, ‘It’s alright, fellas, we’ve come to meet Rasta Bill, he’s got some money for us.’ The sound of my voice is making the dog even madder it seems. It’s trying to jump up at me, barking and growling whilst Tyson yanks it back away as forcefully as is possible with such a powerful beast on his wrist. ‘I said , not to-fuckin’-night. No white bwoys allowed.’ What happened next was a real horror movie situation; in fact when I look back, I’m sure it all happened in black and white. Tyson had hardly finished his sentence when Steve looked up at him with blank eyes and a little grin and said: ‘Are you havin’ a nice time?’ Then pulled a great big machete from his coat – must have been two foot long – swung it and chopped the dog’s fucking head off. Not clean off, mind, just half its head.

4/5

[Anonymous No.15407150]

>>15406732
Simple really, you resign yourself to the simple pleasures of life, not in wanting the truth or pursuit of anything outside of what you've been raised in to. Flesh, fun and status. Present an image of contentment and fall into a world of simplicity. Show off what you want to have

[Anonymous No.15407151]

>>15407143

>Tyson and his mate dived back through the doorway screaming, covered in dog blood and brain, slammed the door shut, and I shot back to the car at the bottom of the path, hoping that Steve was following. The garden area was full of people who up until that point had been singing and dancing and whooping and drinking and drugging. Not now. No, now they were all stood still, frozen for just a moment in disbelief at the craziness that was Steve. I’m shaking like a bastard as I jump into the car, only to look up the path to see Steve lunging at anyone within striking distance, screaming like a maniac, ‘I’ll fucking kill you all, you bastards.’ It was pandemonium – people running everywhere, girls screaming, men screaming. It was like a fire in a Chinese firework factory, reggae music still booming and a great mammoth of a dog lying lifeless. With half a head. ‘Steve, c’mon, we’ve gotta nash. C’mon, the fucking feds’ll be here soon.’ Nobody in that place, and I mean nobody, is daft enough to even attempt to chase him down the path. He’s covered in blood as he dives into the motor, and we speed off into the darkest streets of Chapeltown with some hardcore rock music screaming from the stereo. ‘Man…’ Steve’s voice is calm and cool, ‘that was pretty hairy.’ I’m still shaking. ‘Pretty hairy? Steve man, what the fuck were you thinking?’ ‘Fuck ’em…’ He spits, then his manner stops being cool and goes back to the freakshow that I’d just witnessed seconds earlier. ‘Fuck them black cunts and fuck their fucking, stupid, fucking, dead, fucking dog. This is not Monday night at Tiffany’s. They won’t fucking bully me.’ I try to lighten his mood a little. ‘How many times did you just say fucking then?’ He turns and smiles, and once again we burst out laughing. You had to admire him. But he scared me that night. I often wondered if it was Bill the Rasta who had set us up that night, put the two guys on the door so that he wouldn’t have to pay us our money. I’d never find out though; Bill was found two weeks later, slumped over his steering wheel at the side of the canal, a single bullet wound through his eye.

>Nobody ever found out who did it. Another unsolved killing for the cops to add to their list. Like I said, beware the little guy.

5/5

Amazing stuff

[Anonymous No.15407183]

>>15407151
Deano will never be this based, sadly; he really is a prim (if cheeky) little citizen

[Anonymous No.15407209]

>>15407107
Kys yourself

[Anonymous No.15407343]

>>15407209
That's what kys means you twat

[Anonymous No.15407390]

>>15407343
lol, laughed out loud

[Anonymous No.15407395]

>>15407390
That's what lol means you twat. Why is everyone on this board retarted excepted for me

[Anonymous No.15407432]

>>15406592
mate that's at Birmingham new street I literally live near there

[Anonymous No.15407464]

>>15406952
Might actually buy this book, does this mean i'm a Deano now?

>They say that one person in every thousand has psychopathic tendencies. This, I do not believe. It seems that every other person I meet is in some way a pathological freak. Mad Marko was one of those people. Mad Marko lived in an old 1960s tower block, one of those rat-infested, piss-smelling monstrosities that are still blighting the skyline of the ever-growing metropolis that is Leeds. more than one occasion. The last time, apparently, he was found sitting astride the statue of the horse in Leeds City Square, singing Christmas carols. Naked. During the day. And it was June. They say he’s had electric shock treatment. Do they really do that in those places? I suspect not. Whatever the case, he is one big, bald, mean, unhinged, Honey Monster looking, scary motherfucker. And I had to go and visit him. Shit. I didn’t know where to get rid of morphine. Fuck no. All I did was sell a bit of whizz and a couple of Es. But I was skint. I had some hospital morphine that they give to cancer patients, and I wanted to offload it. I’d tried to get rid of it in the local pubs, but nobody wanted to know. ‘We’re not fucking smack heads, Gaz,’ is all I would get out of them. We hated smack heads. Heroin addicts. Scum. Mad Marko knew loads of smack heads. His dingy 10th floor hovel was always full of them, crashed out in his bed, on his sofa, in his bath. In the lift even. So I called him up. The deal was this: I go to his flat, the flea-bitten shithole that it is, give him the bag of morphine, and he would do a straight swap for fifty Es. And the variety of Es were my personal favourite, Ziggys – they had an imprint of the iconic image of David Bowie with the lightning bolt through his face embossed on them. It was a bit of a misnomer to be fair, as that image wasn’t Ziggy, it was Aladdin Sane… Well, never mind, they were my E of choice anyway. Spot on. That would do for me. ‘Come round tonight, ya little cunt…’ He always called me a little cunt. He appeared to really have a soft spot for me but still called me a little cunt. In a sort of affectionate way. ‘Get here about two o’clock after you finish DJing.’ I finished my set that night, a good set too, the place had been rocking. The place could never help but rock when I was playing. I was mashed out of my tree; always played better when I was mullied. I could hear the music blaring from Marko’s gaff, even from the stinking lift. His door was wide open when I got there and I could see all kinds of nutters around the place as I entered. Girls sitting on the hallway floor, smoking crack pipes, guys crashed out on the kitchen, bathroom and toilet floors.

1/3

[Anonymous No.15407476]

>>15407464

>A bedroom door was slightly ajar and I could make out, in the half-light, a bloke lying face down on the bed, long matted hair at the back. I kind of recognised him, didn’t know where from though. Fuck him. Smack head. ‘Come in here, you little cunt.’ Marko sounded really jolly as he shouted me into his arsehole of a living room. It was full of smoke, quite dark, just a crappy forty watt lamp and the orange light from his one-bar electric fire. There were about ten people in that room. A couple of haggard looking girls, obviously E’d up by the way they were dancing and contorting their faces. You could tell that once upon a time these girls had been really pretty. Not now. Twenty-eight going on fifty. All sunken cheeks and leathered sun bed skin. Hair bleached to lifelessness. The Mad One himself was sitting in the middle of his velvet sofa drinking lager out of a vase, and there were a few young guys around him, talking about fighting and glassing fuckers in the neck and shit like that. Trying to impress him I expect. Let me get the fuck out of here. Do my swap and fuck off. ‘Sit down, you little cunt, grab a drink.’ He pointed to some cans on his sideboard. ‘I’ll just have one, man,’ I mumble, ‘I’m a bit mashed. Can’t stay long. Here’s that stuff you wanted.’ I chuck him the carrier bag full of morph, he catches it in one hand and, as if from nowhere, by magic, his other hand throws me my Es. ‘Don’t eat ’em all at once. You little cunt.’ He booms with laughter at this comment and is then followed in his merriment by everyone else in the room. The hangers-on. I’m looking nervous and twitchy. I fuckin’ hate this place. I know. It’s paranoia. Fuckin’’ell, I should have known. I’m relieved now. It’s just paranoia. Es always make me paranoid. Now that I know it’s paranoia, I can chill out. I try to make some conversation. ‘So, Marko, what are you gonna do with that morphine? You’re gonna take it yourself, are you?’ He stares at me. Right in my eye. As though I’d just called his mother a bastard. ‘Fuck off, you little cunt. I’m no smack head . It’s for him in there, on the bed. Richardson.’ ‘Richardson? Do I know him?’ I ask, hoping he’ll calm the fuck down. Still staring in my eye he shouts, ‘How the fuck do I know if you know him?! John Richardson. Smack head, that’s all. He’s just a fucking smack head.’ I knew at that point where I recognised the body on the bed from. It was Ricko. My old friend Ricko.

2/3

[Anonymous No.15407481]

>>15407476

>Aw shit, man, he’s a smack head. I did hear that his mother had died soon after his dad, and then, when we all grew up and grew apart, that his brother, who we used to get weed off, had thrown himself from a train. Got cut in half. Fuckin ‘hell, Gaz, poor Ricko’s a smack head and you’ve brought him some drugs. I’m having a little reminisce to myself, staring out of Marko’s 10th-floor window at the night sky, what a great view, when… Mad Marko lunges at me, and in a split second he has the window open and he’s pushed me right out of it, grabbing my legs so I don’t fall to my certain death. I’m screaming like a woman, him holding me by my ankles, dangling ten floors up, piss-stained concrete below. He’s gonna let me go. I know he is. I’m screaming, please, please, please. I can hear the hangers-on through the window laughing their spines out. Oh, they think it’s hilarious. ‘Shut up screaming, you little cunt, or I’ll let you go…’ He shakes me about a little as though he’s gonna drop me. I’m not struggling, fuck that, I’ll fall. ‘Right, here’s what’s gonna happen. That bag you just gave me is mine, right?’ I look up at him and nod furiously. ‘And… and… that bag I gave you is mine as well. Innit?’ Fuck! Is this what it’s about? He wants to rip me off? I don’t care, I got the morphine for free, and if he’s not gonna drop me on my head from ten floors up he can keep the fuckin’ Es. Especially now that all the blood in my entire body has rushed to my head and it feels four times bigger than it should. ‘Fuck yes, keep it, keep the fuckin’ lot… Just get me back inside. You’re gonna drop me, you crazy cunt.’ He shakes me about a little more, swapping hands and all that crazy shit. I scream. A lot. And he pulls me back in. Laughing. I’m as white as… I don’t what the fuckin’ whitest thing ever is, but whatever it is I’m as white as that. ‘I was only messing, Gaz…’ He’s still laughing. ‘I wouldn’t let you fall. I like you. Keep the drugs, I was only playing.’ ‘Playing?’ I try to get my breath. ‘Fuckin’ playin’? You could have dropped me.’ Everyone in the room is killing themselves with laughter. I shake my head in disbelief, grab my bag of Es and go. Fast. I don’t even peep in to see my old friend Ricko, to see if he’s alright with these lunatics. I just fuck off. To an all-night club. With my bag of Ziggys. I never saw Mad Marko after that. They say he got sectioned again. Good. The mad cunt. I did hear about Ricko though. He overdosed apparently. Some bastard had given him hospital-strength morphine. It was too much for him. And he died.

3/3

[Anonymous No.15407483]

>>15407395
Idk, don't know.

[Anonymous No.15407515]

>>15407483
THATS WHAT THAT MEANS

[Anonymous No.15407534]

>>15407515
Idc m80 I don't care

[Anonymous No.15407568]

>>15406393
Kicks are the best. Most real fights are decided by who gets the first dammage in. Kicks have a higher range and are more powerful + most people come in with their fists. I used to be a twink and I won a fight at school like that. A push kick is really easy and powerful. Also no matter what feel-good-senseis tell you, body weight is everything. I could do 10 years of kickboxing and a guy 20 kgs heavier would fuck me up, if he is not scared and reacts. The thing is you would probably still win against a 20kg advantage because most people have no fight experience and will be scared when you land the first hit.

[Anonymous No.15407570]

>>15406775
Looks like Ramzan Kadyrov without the beard.

[Anonymous No.15407781]

>>15406444
they shag each other

[Anonymous No.15407845]

>>15406856
The way he smiles, his entire demeanour even, reminds me so much of this moronic classmate I had in high school. His eyes had the same blank look to them. I remember one time when our teacher was trying to explain the difference between a rectangle and a cube to him, and he just didn't get it; teacher went on to use a die as an example, asking him "Well, how many sides does a die have then?", and the idiot paused for a second before saying "four".

[Anonymous No.15407864]

>>15407845
Its easy to forget how stupid most people are

t.Rick and Morty fan

[Anonymous No.15407870]

>>15406385
>not /fitlit/
pathetic.

[Anonymous No.15407924]

>>15406365
>Artichoke tattoo
based healthy eater

[Anonymous No.15408135]

>>15406365
Whats the deal with the second from left guy? His face is too small for his head.

[Anonymous No.15408414]

>>15406393

Kek. Yeah go for a lowkick in a streetfight and fuck up your shin or catch a right cross to the face cause your guard is shit. If you're not athletic you won't get your leg up high enough for a headkick.
Only things that matter in a streetfight for noobs are, chin down, kick to the nuts and and maybe some one two combos if you know basic boxing.

t. Did Muay Thai all my life. BJJ purple belt. It's all bullshit unless you put in hours upon hours.

[Anonymous No.15408451]

>>15407432
>"living" near birmingham

[Anonymous No.15408681]

>>15406620
this picture is so distinctly british and I dont get why

[Anonymous No.15408692]

>>15406681
Why?

[Anonymous No.15408782]

>>15408681
red brick, plastic garden light, deano and his melting slag wife by the black paneled door

[Anonymous No.15408837]

>>15406385
Buy a grenade launcher

[Anonymous No.15410197]

>>15408837
hey now

[Anonymous No.15410302]

>>15406730
A+ tier shitpost

[Anonymous No.15410625]

>>15406385
This is copypasta right guys?

[Anonymous No.15410644]

>>15406620
She doesn't look human

[Anonymous No.15410779]

>>15406377
same

[Anonymous No.15411103]

>>15406365
Oi I fackin luv me zsum Chaucer m8, iss bazikly Viz m8, right up the bum ha! ha! hhar!

[Anonymous No.15411122]

>>15406385
>he doesn't supplement his philosopher mind with the body of a warrior

[Anonymous No.15411149]

>>15411103
Too real, mate. Too real.

[Anonymous No.15412330]

>>15411149
alri alri alri

[Anonymous No.15412432]

>>15406768
who is this lad

[Anonymous No.15412467]

>>15406713
>completed it mate
top kek

[Anonymous No.15413002]

>>15406768
>the fake grass

you can't write this

[Anonymous No.15413384]

>>15406685
It is, they're the ultimate normie consoomers

Having ever visited this website mean that you will never be one of them though

[Anonymous No.15413396]

>>15406666
>6666

Based Satan

It's kind of like chavs and middle class normies merged together slightly and started watching the same shows as their girlfriends (Love Island, Only Way is Essex, Geordie Shore etc) and started adopting that culture

Like is chavs became tax-positive and not antisocial retards

[Anonymous No.15413399]

The chavs rarely cook from scratch, that's too complicated, long and gay.

>Breakfast

Children's cereal and milk, or marmite/jam on toast, leftover takeaway or just a Benson. Bacon butty on the weekend.

>Dinner / Lunch (this is usually just snacks but bigger)

Sandwich, a really shit sandwich like Ham and Salad Cream. Or a shop bought one like BLT or Tuna Mayo. Bag of crisps, or two, or three. Chocolate biscuit bars like Penguins, Time-Out, Twix, etc.

Microwaveable stuff like Rustler's burger, Ginster's Cornish Pasty, Rustler's BBQ rib or any off-brand / alternative to these. there also exists baked beans and ketchup pasties.

Or just biscuits, crisps and sweets.

>Tea / Dinner

Chavs like to eat anything that comes frozen in a bag that you put in the oven for 15-30 minutes at 200C. Usually in a 'meat and two veg' manner.

Meat / main products include Bird's Eye Beefburger, Richmond sausages, Findus crispy pancakes, small sausage rolls, chicken nuggets/dippers, Chicken Kiev, etc.

Potato is a vegetable to them. Potato products like crinkle-cut chips, chips, fries, curly fries, waffles, etc.

Vegetable will be baked beans or spaghetti hoops. Maybe rarely mushy peas.

Some food they have as a main itself like Spaghetti bolognese, lasagne, Shepherd's Pie, Cheese pizza. Again, frozen. Served with a stick of garlic bread if Italian. Also frozen.

>Takeaway Food

The further north you go in England, the more cheese gets added to everything and the larger the portions get. Once you hit the Scottish border, they forget about the cheese and say aye fuck it let's batter fucking everything lads

Fries that are so hot they melt their polystyrene container, served with doner meat. Or served with cheese, gravy. Curry sauce in some parts. Doner meat on pizza. Doner Kebabs.

Chavs treasure their maccies and are highly territorial about it. You will see the local pride at any given time, guarding their local McDonalds from terrorists, pedos and gaylords.

[Anonymous No.15413404]

>>15406766
Actually yeah, I think you're on to something here

I think the look of it is very Jersey Shore-derived

[Anonymous No.15413418]

>>15413399
This is too depressing for me, anon, and I'm not even british.

[Anonymous No.15413419]

>>15406834
Ngubu wants to be Deano

They share a common ground due to their love of material shit and lack of higher purpose

[Anonymous No.15413422]

>>15406857
>shed

For what purpose, there's nothing to grow

[Anonymous No.15413429]

>>15406856
I have a group of about 8 good mates at home and one of them is a clone of this guy

They're generally nice enough guys, but they're custom-made NPC consumers, I don't think they have much higher thought then buying shit and working

[Anonymous No.15413445]

>>15407150
This

It's ultimately what black people seem to aspire to but tend not to achieve all that much

The thing is, Deano probably does work hard enough and is good enough at sales or whatever (due to good looks and being extroverted by default) to make okay money to allow for this lifestyle (read: for the bank to loan him more money). But the point being he does actually have to work for it

[Anonymous No.15413775]

>>15406385
humiliating post anon kys

[Anonymous No.15413806]

>>15406385
and you didn't lift for sofia

[Anonymous No.15413809]

>>15406723
>this is a living, breathing, human being
fucking wild lmfao

[Anonymous No.15413818]

>>15406775
they do :(

[Anonymous No.15413871]

>>15406713
Fucks sake D Double, why do grime artistd constantly whore themselves out like this? No wonder the scene keeps dying

[Anonymous No.15413872]

>>15413399
>Potato is a vegetable to them
Is it not to everyone else?

[Anonymous No.15413878]

>>15408782
I hate these plastic solar powered lights and want to kick one out of the ground whenever I see one.

[Anonymous No.15413890]

>>15407845
The child like innocence and idiocy in his smile actually got me upset

[Anonymous No.15413896]

>>15413890
c'mon anon I'm sure you can smile like an idiot too.

[Anonymous No.15413914]

>>15407845
>in high school.
>trying to explain the difference between a rectangle and a cube
huh

[Anonymous No.15413932]

>>15413399
God, being British is pain.
This is scarily accurate.

[Anonymous No.15413939]

>>15413806
>Dionysian orgies
So they were a bunch of homos?
Being a dick-sucking faggot isn't chad so I don't know why you would use examples like this kek

[Anonymous No.15413942]

>>15413914
Not even joking; we were like 14 or 15. One of my other classmates whose desk was right behind the idiot's stood up and screamed "Are you fucking retarded?" after he got the die wrong.

[Anonymous No.15414002]

Anyone else know the feeling of walking their dog around suburbs on summer evenings, and seeing Love Island on peoples TVs through their windows?

[Anonymous No.15414071]

>>15414002
You get shot if you try to pull this shit around the hood.

[Anonymous No.15414075]

>>15414002
i remember walking past a block of new apartments in my town. Every apartment was laid out the same and every living room had a tv in the same spot and every tv had love island on it, I think i unironically rubbed my eyes in disbelief.

[Anonymous No.15414081]

>>15414002
i walked past the houses and i saw happy families inside and it made me sad

[Anonymous No.15414096]

>>15414075
>Every apartment was laid out the same and every living room had a tv in the same spot and every tv had love island on it, I think i unironically rubbed my eyes in disbelief.
Ridiculous but actually believable.

[Anonymous No.15414109]

>>15414075
kek

[Anonymous No.15414114]

>>15413939
Fucking your bros is the most Chad thing ever, idiot

[Anonymous No.15414125]

>>15406666
How are these lads remotely related to emos or autists though?

[Anonymous No.15414402]

>>15414071
If you try to walk your dog around?

[Anonymous No.15414425]

>>15414402
dogs are haram m8

[Anonymous No.15414426]

>>15414125
Most of the chavs, emos, indie kids and autists in my year, now look like this in their late twenties.

[Anonymous No.15414438]

>>15413399
One of my colleagues was prime Deano and you described his lunch to a T. He was the most fussy eater I've ever met, would only eat chicken and chips when we were out.

[Anonymous No.15414444]

>>15414426
what a loss, emo boys were cute

[Anonymous No.15414481]

>>15406377
cope

[Anonymous No.15414493]

>>15406410
None of those men are working class

[Anonymous No.15414535]

>>15412432
Sam Gowland

>>15413002
Everything is a facade to these people

[Anonymous No.15415095]

>>15406444
Watch sports, drink beer, lift, fuck and work

[Anonymous No.15415106]

>>15414002
Dystopian britpunk is pretty comfy desu

[Anonymous No.15415115]

>>15406365
12 Rules for Life by Dr. Jordan B Peterson

[Anonymous No.15415282]

>>15413871
Grime is still a guilty pleasure of mine from when I was a teen. I realise it's all ignorant, stupid garbage but I can't stop listening to it. Fuck's sake. D Double E is shit though. Listen to these instead:
>https://youtu.be/CE2vEQhDOJU
>https://youtu.be/mu4Mr2oGwPw
>https://youtu.be/S3vnumpHAJI
>https://youtu.be/FyH-QuLSEcM

[Anonymous No.15415310]

>>15415282
I didn’t get D Double and now I love D Double. It just hits you at once. Dudes ability to ride a beat and spout one liners is amazing. It’s that jungle MC coming out. Who’s your pick for the GOATs?
>Wiley #1
>Dizzee
>D Double
>Kano
>Trim

[Anonymous No.15415427]

What is a deano?
Is it basically just a slang term for British nouveau riche millennials?

[Anonymous No.15415474]

>>15415427
Yes, but it is important to incorporate their stunted genetic and cultural lineage as part of the British working class, who are like a separate species to the old upper middle and aristocratic class from which the laudable aspects of British culture have originated.

[Anonymous No.15415483]

>>15415282
>>15415310
Holy shit are you people fucking serious with this music?
How demoralised do you have to be to enjoy this?

[Anonymous No.15415614]

>>15415474
>>15415427
Crazy how little do we know about contemporary British culture (unless you live there, of course)

[Anonymous No.15415653]

What are the ideological origins of Deano? There is an aspect to the Deano aesthetic which is undoubtedly Thatcherite, the Loadsamoney of the 1980s nouveau-riche transplanted to the late 2010s and stripped of any actual assets. Whereas the Harry Enfield character could reasonably claim to possess a relatively high amount of wealth due in part to a more globalised neo-liberal marketplace which rewarded anybody who voluntarily placed themselves within the orbit of London finance, the Deano bears a superficial resemblance to this character yet does not own the house he lives in, does not own the car he drives, and his relationship with his spouse is itself contingent on his ability to keep up with various monthly instalments. His job is likely insecure, does not pay much (Deano does not live in London, as Loadsamoney would have) and offers limited opportunities for career progression. In this sense we can begin to understand why the Deano is such a striking character: he is an Icarus whose sun is even the smallest of economic recessions. Whereas Loadsamoney was a pioneer in the globalised marketplace of the 1980s, a profiteer in the widened horizons of deregulated finance, Deano's role is a much smaller one, and is only shrinking as economic conditions make it more difficult for the average person to secure a lifestyle comparable to their immediate ancestors. We adore Deano's hubris, his ideological commitment to fulfilling the creed of a 21st century culture which insists that to be successful one must own a home, enjoy the offerings of advanced consumer technology, be constantly entertained, display evidence of sexual fulfilment, and possess all the trappings of the well-to-do man. Deano does this despite reality insisting (to most of us) that this isn't possible despite the illusion of availability offered (and sold) to us. He earns our praise, however mocking, for being so naive as to think his lifestyle is one that is healthy and sustainable. We tolerate Deano because he stands on an artificial front garden where until recently a thousand-year-old oak tree stood in idyllic rural settings, not because he doesn't care that the Barratt home in which he lives is an obscene gesture towards Britain's rural heritage, but because he doesn't have to. Perhaps we smile because we know it can't last. That the image of achievement he has secured is so visibly, and surrealy offensive to anybody who values what unfettered neo-liberalism (or any equivalent term; you know what I'm talking about) stands for that it is almost as if he has calculated exactly how to go about offending such people. His shining white veneers just rub in the fact that Deano believes he is happy, and according to the laws of the game he has been conned into playing he may very well be. But there is a horror to Deano's life, an almost Lynchian absurdity which hints at the vacuousness of the image of perfection and the sinister reality lurking beneath the innocent surface.

[Anonymous No.15415657]

>>15406651
>that routine

perfect

[Anonymous No.15415659]

>>15406377
same

[Anonymous No.15415791]

>>15406592

Lmfao at thinking these unfashionable douchebags are upper class

[Anonymous No.15415805]

>>15415657
Not quite, it’s missing 3-4 bicep curl variations.
The deano is a typical gym bro who only cares about chest and biceps. He would probably add dumbbell curls, barbell curls, ez bar curls, and concentration curls to that.

[Anonymous No.15415808]

>>15415653
>refusing to use paragraphs in a huge wall of text
>hoping to sound smart

[Anonymous No.15415836]

>>15415653
you sound like a proper wanker

[Anonymous No.15416027]

>>15415653
I enjoyed the read anon

[Anonymous No.15416085]

>>15415653
>>15406666

Modernity:
Do you know how the Deanos first came into being? They were Norfs once, taken by the neo-liberal powers, deconstructed and financialised. A ruined and terrible form of life. And now... perfected. My consuming Deano. Whom do you serve?

Deano:
Mammon

[Anonymous No.15416253]

>>15415657
>>15415805
I do legs too you prick

[Anonymous No.15416351]

>>15416253
Then you’re not a proper deano.
Deanos only care about the vanity muscles. The posterior chain (which is where most true strength comes from) isn’t really something that you can show off and get likes on instagram for so deanos don’t care about it.

[Anonymous No.15416544]

>>15416351
His chicken legs need to fit his skinny jeans

[Anonymous No.15416628]

>>15414002
those fucking bay windows, I hate having to look at them

[Anonymous No.15416657]

>>15415653
very nice

[Anonymous No.15416880]

>>15414002
I lived in a street exactly like this whilst at uni. There was something strangely magical about those gritty rows of red brick building that once housed the working hands for the nearby factories now ensconcing students intent on dossing away the last days of their youth

[Anonymous No.15416920]

>>15406365
The guy who relentlessly spams deano threads is unbelievably autistic but it gets funnier each time desu

[Anonymous No.15416985]

>>15406377
cope

[Anonymous No.15417152]

half way through my first year at university a "top lad" moved into the empty room in the hall. From an industrial midlands city and brawn from the blood of an obedient and industrious working leniage he was vacuous in all tastes and pursuits. I had no interest in befriending the guy but I soon learnt that behind his eyes burned a radiant conflagration of satisfaction and vigour. just to be near this man was enough to receive a taste of his obvious eudaimonia that coursed around his hulking body, and so he was attractive in a way that most unsatiated souls can never be. we carved a good friendship and even though we will never see each other again he's one of the men I will always respect.

[Anonymous No.15417267]

>>15406620
How can anyone find chicks like this attractive?

[Anonymous No.15417281]

>>15406857
It's what they were raised on. Their aesthetic is sports, and not even comfy 1960s - early 2000s sports. Its like if someone took 2k20 and espn and turned it into a lifestyle

[Anonymous No.15417358]

>>15413872
It's a starch

[Anonymous No.15417374]

>>15417152
Like a reverse Brideshead Revisited

[Anonymous No.15417405]

>>15406385
>I should be ruling over them, but if I encountered one of these inferior people in the street I would be constantly at their mercy
>but I still should rule them

[Anonymous No.15417552]

What are some essential deanocore books?

[Anonymous No.15417621]

>>15406377
same

[Anonymous No.15417919]

>>15406377
cope

[Anonymous No.15418028]

>>15406385
You’re so smart, figure it out.

[Anonymous No.15418311]

>>15417552
Nine Foot Tall by Daz Courtney

[Anonymous No.15418539]

>>15406774
His life could be fixed completely in three surgeries.

But instead people, even on /lit/, will just gaslight him.

"Just get a haircut, bro."
"Just be yourself, buddy."
"Spend some time working on your personality."
"Just be a good person and a girlfriend will come naturally."

[Anonymous No.15418554]

90% of my friends growing up are Deanos. Not quite as exaggerated in this picture, but not too far off. I'm from near Birmingham too, wonder if they're friends of friends

[Anonymous No.15418557]

>>15418539
I wonder where that kid is now. Does he know that he's a meme?

[Anonymous No.15418619]

>>15406377
same

[Anonymous No.15418698]

>>15417552
As in books they read? Genuinely don't think they'd read anything except for footballer's autobiographies

[Anonymous No.15418775]

>>15406790
SO CALL THE POLICE

[Anonymous No.15418790]

>>15406365
This thread made me depressed, thanks. The life of a Deano is so vapid and meaningless that it borders on existential horror. The fact that there are thousands and thousands of real life Deanos mindlessly pursuing such a vacuous lifestyle is so bleak and depressing. The only cope is to convince myself they’re not actually conscious.

[Anonymous No.15418831]

>>15418790
They barley are conscious desu thats why theyre happier than us

[Anonymous No.15418942]

>>15406365
What?

[Anonymous No.15419032]

speaking of deanos in debt, in my country there's a tv show where two hosts (guys with backgrounds in finance) visit couples/families who have accrued massive amounts of debt and are living way beyond their means, on the verge of collapse. an episode is basically 40 mins shaming these people into tears and anguish by making their short-sighted foolishness extremely clear and simultaneously striking some fear into the folks at home (we're lutherans after all) before working out a "plan" to keep up with payments and get back on track, good luck don't do it again etc

is there an equivalent of this in britain? you guys seem to love people getting humiliated on tv

[Anonymous No.15419038]

>>15418790
They don't really care m8, there's no need to feel all horrified for their sake.

[Anonymous No.15419064]

>>15419032
>is there an equivalent of this in britain? you guys seem to love people getting humiliated on tv
kinda
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUOpEP5QxNU

[Anonymous No.15419122]

>>15419064
>can't pay? we'll take it away!
amazing


and of course it's about taking shit away from people. comeuppance tv. crushed like a bug. do they even need consent for taping? why are brits so good at this

[Anonymous No.15419180]

>>15417152
Incredible, based even...

[Anonymous No.15419343]

>>15406405
BASED

[Anonymous No.15419361]

>>15417152
go on...

[Anonymous No.15419499]

>>15419064
damn britain seems like a shithole