Write What's On Your Mind

[Anonymous No.15249358]

[Anonymous No.15249364]

Jesus is Lord.

[Anonymous No.15249384]

Fucking bug in chel has made it so that I can never play that game again. It isn't worth it.

[Anonymous No.15249391]

>>15249358
I will probably stay anonymous for most of my professional life

[Anonymous No.15249404]

Code Geass is unironically great

[Anonymous No.15249453]

>>15249358
I desperately want to believe in the afterlife or reincarnation. I terrified of the thought of non-existence

[Anonymous No.15249464]

I'm a smoker. Have been for about five years now. And I'm in continuing conflict about this. I really enjoy socially smoking with friends and there is a sort of unwritten code of conduct among smokers. This entails supplying the other party with smoking essentials like a lighter, skins or filters - community support that is a small but joyous thing to celebrate. Rolling your own cigarettes is the only way to go. I love that when I'm out for a smoke break I feel a somewhat sense of being calmed and centred, I think when I'm smoking about the things I need and get my priorities in check. I hate nightclubs but when I do attend I always get the best atmosphere and conversations in the smoking area. But at the same time I hate my decreased lung function and non-smokers will say I stink. I have quit for periods of about a few weeks at time, but each time I come back I enjoy it more. Smoking is kino, but I'm just not cool about the health effects. Such is life.

[Anonymous No.15249467]

>>15249453
they are as true as you want them
to be, to me though reincarnation or an afterlife doesn't solve shit, it's the same absurdity but just prolonged for ever

[Anonymous No.15249476]

>>15249464
do cardio regularly

[Anonymous No.15249479]

>>15249467
I like the absurdity

[Anonymous No.15249560]

>>15249358
5000€ worth of books downloaded for free in the past 3 days completely legally, thank you corona. Still thinking that Reflektor is a criminally underrated album, The Assassination of Julius Caesar from Ulver hasn't goten enough attention, and the introduction to this edition of The Epic of Gilgamesh is a bit long.
>>15249364
Not the best song on Kanye's recent album, but a good message nonetheless.
>>15249404
It plays a bit heavily on the "omniscient MC" trope towards the end, but I did jack off to the green girl a fair few times as a young lad.

[Anonymous No.15249584]

One thing I well and truly hate about being human is the fragility of ideas and the dependence on mental states they have. For example, say you're in a slump. A heavy one, and you've felt that way for a while. Then, all of a sudden, you have a chance encounter with a friend and really manage to talk things, working out a real strategy to return to a happier, more able place.

The next day, the idea is gone. You may remember it, but the details, the zeal, etc. are gone. So invariably, you go diving for the factor that disrupted your fiery fervor. There are so many, TOO many factors that could have been at play. Was it because you had a drink? Was it because you finally remembered to take your medicine that day? Was it the time of day?

And so you test them. Test removing them, adding them back, seeing what works. But the results are inconclusive, and the mercurial semblance of structure you built up in your moment of clarity slips further and further out of your mind, parts of it warping with no way to tell if it was what you originally thought or not and leading to more agonizing confusion and layering of factors, while others simply vanish (Arguably the more merciful of the two possibilities).

I'd give anything for a good idea like this and the conviction to follow through to stay in my mind, solidly and without the painfully fast stacking of ever-changing factors obfuscating what the truth I had come to know was. I've tried writing it down, it looks foreign to me when I revisit it. Outlandish. I know it's what I wrote, but some uncontrollable part of my mind has to change it. Even when I leave it unchanged, there is a great feeling of unease that I'm going down the wrong path until I do, and robs me of the zeal necessary to pull through with it. Especially in matters of regaining social ability or other heavily state-of-mind influenced endeavors.

Hell, I bet I could take a look at this tomorrow and not recognize the damn thing. I'm so tired of peeling away "possible" factors, you have no idea how many possible factors or combinations of them can attribute to anything until you spend years pulling them away, putting them back and mixing them. I'm so tired.

[Anonymous No.15249586]

>>15249479
Sure but I think most of the traditions that talk about an afterlife, propose it as a kind of solution to existence, as if it only makes sense for us to exist right now if you can exist -in other form or whatever- elsewhere after, reunited with god. And then there's all the moral implications attached to it. I don't think this solves anything.

[Anonymous No.15249593]

Live to the max

[Anonymous No.15249731]

>i want to look into a shit smeared mirror
*hits Post

[Anonymous No.15250133]

>>15249560
damn, who's giving away books for corona?

[Anonymous No.15250151]

Last night I had a dream where all I did was browse a used book store. I think the quarantine is getting to me.

[Anonymous No.15250181]

Unironically, this.

https://midnightcoffeesite.wordpress.com/2020/04/30/tiamat-the-mother/

[Anonymous No.15250194]

I asked if she wanted to listen to I am the Mountain, but she wanted me to play with her tiddies. I obliged, and now I'm enjoying Stoned Jesus. This middle section (maybe later than middle) reminds me of Kyuss' Sky Valley. Overall, an enjoyable track
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iW1jxJ6ISks

I really do want /lit/ to be /lit/, but here I am like everyone else talking about whatever
We are surfing the bottom of the barrel of time, so I guess whatever floats your boat

[Anonymous No.15250209]

>>15249358
THIS LIFE IS ONLY MISERY NOBODY CHOSE TO BE BORN IN THIS HELL, DEATH DESTRUCTION, PAIN TORTURE, EVERY DAY YOU ARE CLOSER TO DIE AND THAT IS THE DESTINY OF ALL HUMAN BEINGS, TO DIE AND BE FORGOTTEN FOREVER AND EVER OH MY GOD PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO DIE PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO DIE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Anonymous No.15250289]

Why did she leave without saying anything? Why isn't he answering me? I'm worried about both. I hope they're okay.

[Anonymous No.15250323]

>>15249584
This is the fucking real shit. You put it into words, something I've felt and thought about a lot. The zeal I feel when I talk of my woes with friends and close relatives is a fire I wish I could call upon again when it was actually needed.

I haven't gone down the hole of trying to recreate it methodically like you have. The closet I've gotten was when I was depressed and had a hard time getting out bed. I would tell whoever I was living with at the time to remind me of the zeal I had when we talked about the future the day before, but always the next morning the power of those thoughts and words were gone...

It seems like whatever actually does bring lasting change is intangible, in any capacity. It might as well just come at random. I do feel that I grasp how things work more and that I change my outlook, my mindset to be of a better stature to take on things, but in the end it doesn't feel like that is what actually changes things, merely that it's mental masturbation.

And yet things are okay.. Atleast for now.

[Anonymous No.15250324]

>>15249358
hair is on my mind

[Anonymous No.15250404]

>>15249358
During my time in quarantine my stepmother’s aunt contracted the dreaded Wuhan virus. She isn’t someone who I have interacted with often, if at all, yet I am still disturbed by her situation. She is an old woman in her eighties with Alzheimer’s disease, so her mind is deteriorating just as much as her life. All of her children are either living elsewhere or out-of-state, so they can’t see her without possibly contracting the virus. She will most likely die alone, without even understanding where she is or what is happening to her. Is this what is in store for my grandparents who I am actually attached to? To my parents? To me? It’s such a bother to contemplate.

[Anonymous No.15250406]

>>15249464
Nicotine greatly reduces your chance of getting the virus, if there was ever a time to risk a brief relapse, this is it.

[Anonymous No.15250620]

YOU reading this, where do you work? Find me a job and help me fix my car. I don't WANT to acknowledge any of you dimwits but I have to. I have no other options.

[Anonymous No.15251119]

I've been dating a girl for 9 months and should break up with her but i dont know how.

[Anonymous No.15251152]

>>15251119
"It's not me, it's you." Done.

[Anonymous No.15251159]

>>15251152
She deserves better. Thinking of "I don't want to marry you, because that would mean going long distance for 3+ years and I can't take that."

[Anonymous No.15251176]

Depression is on the rise again and again I can feel my interests going away, I enjoy reading less and less with every day as well as most other things. I hate it. I would get drunk if I didn't just get out of rehab.

[Anonymous No.15251179]

>>15251159
I was just taking the piss.

Yeah definitely emphasise the fact your lives are fundamentally incompatible. Thank her for the time you guys have had together but say it's not fair to her (or you) to go long distance for such a period. It's hardly realistic. I'm sure it'll be heart-wrenching for both parties but the world doesn't operate in a fairytale manner. Deepest sympathies.

[Anonymous No.15251266]

I’ve been working on art and writing and I feel as if I’m taking a large risk by devoting more time to these hobbies. Do I remain in my cozy path to becoming a dental hygienist then dentist? Or do I accept that maybe I was meant to be an author like I fantasized as a child? I’m afraid to make the leap. My plan has always been to become a doctor so I can have my author name as Dr. Anon and have more weight to my books, and yet my heart is constantly being tugged by my fantasies. After all, the doctors I’ve met aren’t as bright as I thought them to be, and learning to be an exceptional story teller and artist is looking more appealing to me every day. I’m gonna be 22 in two months, and I feel like I’ve wasted so much time being frivolous.

[Anonymous No.15251275]

>>15251266
Continue on the dentist path and find some time to write in your spare time. Being a dentist is a sure way to make a great living and enjoy life. Being an author is much less certain.

[Anonymous No.15251602]

>>15251266
This anon >>15251275 has summed it up well.
I've ran into a similar situation where I've realized, if I truly do want to start a family or something like that one day, I probably need to start aiming towards a stable career goal. In return this means that, for a little while at least, my own works on art, writing, and philosophical research will have to diminish, but I don't think they'll ever truly be out.
Go for the dentist gig. You'll probably do hardly much anyway and have more time on your hands than you think. If you make it big with writing then you really don't have to worry about feeding yourself anyway now do you? I wish you luck with whatever you choose, though, anon.

[Anonymous No.15251732]

>>15249464
Same here. What I find helpful is smoking at most 3 cigarettes a day and going clean for a weak or two if I feel I need to. When I run out of smokes I don’t buy another for a week. My cardio is still good this way

[Anonymous No.15251787]

>>15251266

[Anonymous No.15251971]

Im still hopeful that i could turn my life around but i dont know how do it.

[Anonymous No.15251983]

>>15250289
Degenerate. Kill yourself

[Anonymous No.15251996]

Please don't kill me! Please don't stab me! Ahhhhhh

[Anonymous No.15252000]

Frau, send one of your dipshit daughters over. I wamt to slash their throats open.

[Anonymous No.15252052]

Hey, what does your husband think of Brenton Tarrant? You here buddy? Funny thing is you might have even talked to him at one point here. Hahahahaha

[Anonymous No.15252285]

>>15249358
My surroundings, especially the sound coming from them. I'm in bed and behind my head to the left is a bedroom window that faces 6 acres of lawn. On one corner of that, about 400 feet away, is a drainage/irrigation pond with about an acre of surface, that borders a wooded area of about 3 acres. It is surrounded by a population of treefrogs, about a 100 of which are singing at any given time all night this time of year, the occasional whir of a toad rising above it, some of those turning up oddly nearby on the lawn once in while as they move about intermittently in the damp fresh chill. (The air has been extremely pure this spring, closer to prehistoric than I've ever seen or smelled.) Up close it's an appalling racket, but at this distance, through the window opened an inch, it's a faintly hilarious murmur of bubbly chirping, just above the level of, say, trains passing a few miles away. For how thin the opening to the soundfield is and how much the sound is further scattered by the walls the impression is surprisingly directional and spacious, and they evidently chorale in throbbing waves that maintain a loosely swaying regularity. Today I thought about how in recorded pop music half of what makes a piece memorable is the way session musicians & instruments are assembled like someone improvising a recipe to blend for a distinctive overall effect that almost auto-suggests the mood of the composition, and plays off of expectations formed by the enormous palimpsest of memory that resides in the heads of even rather ordinary listeners, down to the synesthesia of places & circumstances usually associated with styles, genres, modes, etc. And about how much I distrust speculation arid in its absence of referral to matters of this sort. The first robin within earshot has just stared up, reminding me also of a friend who hated the sound almost in the way that Romeo & Juliet felt dread at the sound of a similar dawn harbinger, but that I did not, suffering so much less from the sense of obligation to look busy for the eye of tyranny.

[Anonymous No.15252347]

>>15250133
If you're a student a bunch of publishers are giving universities free access to a load of their books. Main ones I've been taking advantage of are MIT press and Cambridge University Press.

[Anonymous No.15253110]

To have gone to battle and returned, not many survive that, let alone in one piece. He returned with something that not many men have, like some rare experience. To survive something like that is a sign of fitness.

His manliness is from action, not a ritual. There are two things that are hard to fake, and that’s probably why manhood is often defined by them: fighting, and sex. His masculinity is not a performative one, the overstated one that’s so exaggerated that it’s laughable. No, as you can tell, he is refined and tactful. It is a controlled masculinity, something that can only be cultivated out of good raw material. I like how he carries himself very classy. That’s the kind of man I want to be like. I want to be surrounded by other guys like that. He is the kind of man where you look at him and go “the world would be better with more men like that.”

I don’t want to be a coward. I don’t want to be scared. I don’t want to be controlled by fear, like I’ve seen so many people be - fear of death, fear of pain or suffering, fear of unknown, fear of change. Just so much fear of almost everything that they suppress themselves and never take any risks. I don’t want to be like that. To be so hooked onto comfort that you become fat and soft. Not that I wish war upon myself - because that would be retarded and disrespectful - but I want to be redpilled. I want to be broken and rebuilt. I want to be changed. I want to be tested and if I can’t pass it, I don’t deserve to live.

So what if I might lose a limb? Sure, it will fuck me up for life, but do I want to live as a coward, so scared of everything? I rather be dead than grow fat and soft.

And he’s incredibly cute, what the fuck. Why does he have to be so cute? I don’t like feeling this way. I feel retarded when I see a photo of him. I wonder what it’s like, to be attractive inside and out. Is beauty a virtue?

I wonder how other men feel in his presence. Do they feel threatened by him? Do men ever resent other men who are “better” in this regard? How do they respond to him? Pay attention to how men and women respond to his presence. Oh, the women just fucking LOVE him. But the men? They respect him too but you can see from a handful of them that they look uncomfortable.

[Anonymous No.15253692]

>>15249358
my chest hurts

[Anonymous No.15253782]

If I would type into my book three pages from another one. Change a few stuff (and monstly context), and basically parody it, would it be stil intertextuality, or is that already plagiarism? Is there a length on intertextuality?

[Anonymous No.15253915]

>>15249593
Hell yea brother
I forgot

[Anonymous No.15254239]

Henry closed the side gate to his apartment building and took a few hobbled steps into the parking lot. He pulled a small pouch of rolling tobacco out of his jacket pocket and dexterously shaped a thick, stubby cigarette between his fleshy fingers and procured from the same pouch a small packet of matches. He lit the cigarette and pursed his lips crudely as he sucked the virgin smoke into his lungs. The small glowing tip brightened in the midnight twilight of the empty parking lot as a cool breeze swept through, ruffling the flaps of his clothing before passing onto the row of hydrangea bushes bordering the street. The only sounds to be heard were the steady popping draws from his wheezing respirations among the silence of the driverless vehicles idled in the parking lot. His shadow cast a wide, oblong silhouette over the small rocky potholes which distorted its outline grotesquely where they intersect in the surrounding pavement. In the presence of its mutant shape he noticed his own and slowly turned his head up to glance at the bright light beaming down upon him. It was the moon, full and luminous, enough to serve as a guide to the pale hot ghosts of smoke drifting idly across the empty parking lot from where he stood. He continued his scrutiny and blew a stream of acrid vapor in its direction, as if to challenge its rank in his universe, and thought he imagined the pressure of his enormous body on his knees and ankles lessen and release a wave of relief which permeated up his thighs and waist. What a funny feeling, he thought, taking another gasping drag on his cigarette. He studied its imperfect roundness and the grey pockmarks on its surface grew larger as he focused harder. It was then, suddenly, Henry became aware that he no longer felt the ground beneath his feet. His heart pulsed palpably through his chest, and he looked down and let out a panicked yip of shock at what he saw. He was hovering several inches off the ground. But just soon as he had looked, he dropped back down with a thud, his legs bowed, and he tumbled over awkwardly onto his ass. Disoriented, hands and clothing chafed with gravel, with a cigarette dangling from his mouth, Henry had no idea what had just happened.

[Anonymous No.15254805]

I have part of Lugh’s soul but my parents don’t believe me, they call my runes witchcraft, want me to go to doctor, how do I get them to accept me

[Anonymous No.15255006]

David and Nikita

[Anonymous No.15255783]

>>15250194
Very based
I like kyuss' cover and the original catamaran, as well as space cadet and qotsa's spiders and vinegaroons
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYTEo7REcFU

[Anonymous No.15255852]

A tiny house, a trad wife, on a back stretch of land
I have to make it bros

[Anonymous No.15256042]

I am incompetent to the fullest degree and suffer greatly from it, and yet it does not dissuade me into being a lesser man but fuels me into trying to be a better man.

[Anonymous No.15256369]

I feel bad having these urges because I know I'm fueling the narcisistic mental illness(?)/fetish of these boys, but damn, I really, really do want to fuck a trap. Not a transexual, a trap.

[Anonymous No.15256374]

>>15249384
NHL? I used to play the shit out of the EASHL mode

[Anonymous No.15256423]

Rose, send me money NOW. I want money and I want my car fixed and I am GIVING you these orders.

[Anonymous No.15256826]

>>15256369
eh, at least traps are honest to themselves and tend to not indulge in genital mutilation

[Anonymous No.15257053]

I have to make my decision on what I’m going to study pretty much immediately and I’m still struggling with it.

[Anonymous No.15257152]

>tfw no GF like this
True pain.

[Anonymous No.15257175]

Japan actually seems pretty based.

[Anonymous No.15257341]

>friends with a girl at college for a year
>we have sex but just as friends
>we keep having sex for months but just as “friends”
>she falls in love with me and I’m a little bit in love with her but I don’t really want to date her
>we agree to stop having sex but still talk to each other 24/7
>months later she starts dating some chad
>this kills me
>I tell her our friendship is over and that I’m sorry it has to be this way but I can’t talk to her anymore like everything is normal
>they just broke up
>I want her back in my life bros

Any books for this feel of lost opportunities

[Anonymous No.15257536]

Here’s a piece I’ve been working on for some time. It is copywritten so DO NOT STEAL!!

My name is Ashley and I’m a normal girl except unlike most girls I can control fire. Here’s how I found out, I was going to High School and Riley Bachman saw me going to school and she said “hey orphan, you dress like a nerd.”
I was walking with my best friend Misty, who is fat and very insecure. I didn’t care when Riley made fun of me but I’m very loyal to my friends so it makes me mad when someone makes fun of my best friend.
“And your friend is fat!” said Riley. Well that ticked me right the heck off. I didn’t even care that I was late for class now. Misty said not to worry about it but I told her to stop being such a freakin’ coward all the time.
I turned to Riley.
“You take that back!” My entire body was shaken. Riley was going to say something but then before I knew what was happening there was fire coming out of my hands. Riley was burned away. I had to run away without even saying goodbye to anyone.
I’ve been one the run ever since. Everywhere I go I am a freak. Here’s how I found my pet kitten. One day I was walking on some railroad tracks and I heard some kids were laughing. I snuck up and saw they were torturing a kitten. I couldn’t take it, the fire took over and came out and they were killed. But now I have the kitten and she does everything I say and sometimes helps me escape when I get captured by the government.

That’s it for chapter one. I’m working on chapter 2 right now, it’s about finding out there’s a water guy who wants to rule the world but then we fall in love and the government kills him.

[Anonymous No.15257569]

I have a brain too stupid for the interests my personality gives me, but I'm too burnt out in some fundamental way I can't shake to pursue anything else.

[Anonymous No.15257596]

>>15251266
Never make your hobby a job. Go for dentistry then fall back on being an author in your spare time. Even if you're found out to be lightning in a bottle, you'll be content in knowing that you have a steady income in the Medical department.

[Anonymous No.15257606]

>>15257569
This. I am into medicine but too lazy to actually get my grades up to do anything related to it.

[Anonymous No.15257636]

>>15249358
I wish I was intelligent enough to disprove mathematics and passionate enough to become disillusioned about it. There are times when I have no clue what he's saying. He's an intelligent man. I'm not. Perhaps he's not for me. At least, I won't be reading anything else by him for now, although I love his prose.

[Anonymous No.15257670]

I wish i'd know how to introspect myself but as soon as i do that, i feel like i hit a wall.

[Anonymous No.15257872]

>>15249358
I want to vomit. I suffer from crippling amounts of narcissism, I was just doing my monthly browse through femboys and I found two so stunningly beautiful that it made me want to kill myself. I do not want to be a tranny, but I want the perfect synthesis of male and female traits. And I found it, but not in me. The smooth pale skin, yet full of life and vigour, plump and pale - I thought it a near impossibility. The hair, so full of volume and the most vibrant colour, but without a single stray hair in sight. I am going to need at least 2 cigarettes in a row to heal this blow, I do not think I will ever eat carefreely again.

[Anonymous No.15257959]

There is this banal type of precision I see in myself and the people around me, as if my actions and the emotions behind those actions are then mirrored by the world's actions, with my emotions reflecting how they feel in response to my actions, in some hypnotically intricate system designed to break the minds of lesser men and slaves. As if I am to be overwhelmed by a superimposed but invisible collective mindset that would break each and every one of them. And by doing this they have fulfilled their childhood nightmare, exemplified by me, and expressed by a myriad of divorced women and ugly men.

Trust me, I get it. Look at me. I'm awesome.

[Anonymous No.15258032]

>>15249358
I am a Good Will Hunting-esque genius.

On the one hand it's a blessing, but on the other it's an almost unbearable curse. All my life I've aced every test I've ever set. I've failed at practically nothing. Even in sports I excelled while other "academic" kids refused to even take part. I've just completed my BA in English Lit at the age of 19 and I'm about to start on my MA (fully-funded scholarship), but I don't know how long I can continue being a genius before I eventually burn out or break down. My professors all tell me that I stand out and that's it's obvious that I'm destined for great things. Heck, one of them has said outright that he wishes he had possessed my intelligence and work-rate when he was my age. Whether it's math or science or literature I just excel in everything I do without even considering that there was an option that I could not. Just last semester I solved a theorem that people had been working on for the past two decades (I won't say which one because my name is now indelibly linked with said theorem) and that was a for a class I wasn't even supposed to have attended. Psychiatrists have said that people in my very small demographic of highly intellectual individuals usually suffer from aspergers or some related disorder which deprives them of a healthy social life, but I have surprised each one in turn when I inform them that in fact I am an incredibly sociable and well-liked individual (despite also being a mysterious hermit-like recluse) and that every girl I have either dated or simply penetrated a bunch of times has described me as the kind of guy they could really see themselves with long-term.

[Anonymous No.15258074]

>>15257606
stop cooming

[Anonymous No.15258097]

>tfw your life is shit and unfulfilling but you have just enough attachments to the corporeal world that suicide isn't viable
Sigh...

[Anonymous No.15258148]

>>15251983
Why? For worrying about my friends?

[Anonymous No.15258196]

what happened to the based gnostic poster

[Anonymous No.15258221]

>>15258196
There was one guy who challenged him constantly for a few days and he eventually went away.

He outmaneuvered the autist.

[Anonymous No.15258260]

>>15258221
fuck
I missed it.
I haven't been on this board for several years so I wonder if you even know who I am talking about.

[Anonymous No.15258277]

I live in a small, rural town (>2k people) and the town drunk, who lived above the bar, recently died. when they found him porn was still playing on his tv

[Anonymous No.15258288]

>>15258277
I just realized that this is probably how I will die as well.
Only difference being replace tv with laptop.

[Anonymous No.15258309]

>>15258277
farewell sweet prince

[Anonymous No.15258409]

>>15258277
based degen

[Anonymous No.15258449]

I'm dumb as dogshit and I want to die

[Anonymous No.15258450]

Every so often I come into one of these threads hoping to find a nuanced perspective from some anonymous genius that turns my whole world upside down, but it’s alwats just the gayest whiniest shit imaginable.

[Anonymous No.15258576]

>>15258450
Honestly same, I’ve given up on looking for that and for the most part just enjoy knowing there are other people just as autistic as me.

[Anonymous No.15258578]

>>15249584
the idea is lacking the self-discipline of following through. the initial dopamine hit of a good idea fades, and then you are left to slog through the work of seeing the idea through , more or less. I know that feel, bro

[Anonymous No.15258604]

>>15257152
anon, don't stick your dick in crazy.

[Anonymous No.15258612]

>>15249358
I talked to my mom today, she asked me if I was happy and I felt annoyed at the question as if it was inconsiderate.
What did I mean by this

[Anonymous No.15258650]

My life seems like a preamble of suicide.

[Anonymous No.15258657]

Unironically love a lot of ASMR videos

[Anonymous No.15258674]

>>15258604
Anon, I am a virginal weirdo. I don't even know a girl like that.

[Anonymous No.15258697]

>>15258450
>>15258576
Honestly what conceivable perspective from an anonymous social reject would really change your perception of things? Your expectations are too high.

[Anonymous No.15258700]

>>15249584
it seems like the analysis you're describing isn't very useful. probably should try something else.

[Anonymous No.15258797]

>>15249584
>>15258578

This is exactly why regular exercise is so beneficial. It is certainly what lifted me out of my slump and contributed to major life transformations. Making regular commitments to work out both improves your physical health in obvious ways, but also your mental health by giving you a project that you can work on progressively. Plus, it just feels good to do.

It takes a while to get into it though, and you may have a few false starts, that's normal. Unfortunately, right now it is not really possible to get started.

[Anonymous No.15258833]

>see Steve Donoghue posted a video about James Joyce
>says Portrait is an objectively bad book
>says no one in 2020 reading it is enjoying it without entering into it with the expectation that they will and should enjoy it
>calls Ulysses unreadable
>compares the experience of people enjoying those books to people enjoying flashing lights in video games and says they just don't want to admit that they don't actually enjoy reading literature and just want that flashing lights video game feeling
I wish I could understand how a man can read so much and still be so filtered. Was he raped by DFW personally?

[Anonymous No.15258849]

>>15258833
He's right about DFW though

[Anonymous No.15258889]

Why are only some names considered unisex? 'Jordan' and 'Alex' can be for a boy or a girl, but why aren't there boys named 'Sally' or girls named 'Michael'? I knew a girl named 'Thomas' once but I think that that's an anomaly.

Why can't all names be unisex?

[Anonymous No.15258898]

>>15258889
A lot of names have female equivalents. Like Michaela

[Anonymous No.15259174]

My life is pretty good by most counts, I have a decent job, enjoyable hobbies, little stress, comfort, security. But I would throw it all away if I could go back and have a rosy, youthful love with a innocent qt.
yes this is delusional

[Anonymous No.15259231]

I had a dream I was in the apartment of this actress I find attractive. She wanted to get intimate with me, but I asked her if she could keep her clothes on and we could just kiss/cuddle/take it slow. She then called me a coward and a loser and told me to get the hell out of her apartment.

[Anonymous No.15259262]

>>15258889
A lot of the time it just depends on who made it popular. For example, Paris is a man's name but thanks to Paris Hilton it'll probably be associated with women for the next couple of decades.

Also, Alex is short for either Alexander and Alexandra: two different names. You fool!

[Anonymous No.15259348]

Is everyone but me a fucking retard? How the fuck did entire countries get fooled by “social distancing” so fucking quick that it’s in federal law and won’t be lifted for months? I haven’t been to the gym in two fucking months and the communal kitchens are fucking illegal, I live off raw eggs and cold chicken

[Anonymous No.15259352]

>>15259348
lmfao

[Anonymous No.15259356]

>>15259352
I will beat you to a pulp

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!oI3er5KKetj No.15259391]

The previously ignored and sinking frog threads have just been bumped by their OP.

Just another example of how anonymous let themselves get pushed around.

[Anonymous No.15259404]

>>15259348
lmao

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!oI3er5KKetj No.15259411]

>>15259348
Anon. You gotta cook the chicken before eating.

[Anonymous No.15259419]

>>15259411
shut the fuck up

[Anonymous No.15259425]

OPEN THE GYMS
OPEN THE GYMS
OPEN THE OPEN THE GYMS
OPEN THE GYMS
OPEN THE GYMS

[Anonymous No.15259435]

I currently live next to my old uni, and over the past month I've been wandering around the empty roads, and campus. I've been having a rougher month of work due to working from home orders and due dates, but I'm always in such a pleasant, clear state during a night walk, especially now when the whole town is silent. I found out the other day that there are a few buildings still left unlocked on campus. Sure, there are security cameras everywhere, but there's nobody being paid to even monitor them.

My girlfriend is upset with me. I haven't seen her in a month due to all of the current happenings. She's cautious, and I get understand. She's upset because I'm being negligent and still visiting some friends. I don't know, part of me thinks that she's overreacting, some part says she's right. It makes me think of death, and how I could already have the virus, how I could be quietly rattling in my death bed soon. It's just something to think, it's made me reflect on things.

I think I want to marry her.

[Anonymous No.15259438]

>>15259356
>>15259419
>>15259425
kys schizo

[Anonymous American No.15259472]

The astrological North Node is going to move into Gemini on the 5th of May; and the South Node is going to move into Sagittarius on the same day. I am told, by men much wiser than I, that this transition causes a corresponding shift in our character. Perhaps this shift in character will aid me, and perhaps all of us here on /lit/, to finally actualize and complete writing projects.

[Anonymous No.15259486]

>>15259348
>and won’t be lifted for months
Only in your shithole country.

[Anonymous No.15259503]

I can't stop crying

[Anonymous No.15259535]

>>15259503
maybe you should stop crying

[Anonymous No.15259545]

>>15259535
I don't want to
I feel sad

[Anonymous No.15259713]

>>15259545
It's okay to cry, anon. Let it all out. Have a warm shower afterwards, you'll feel better.

[Anonymous No.15259757]

If the advertising hadn't been completely built around the Mandarin, Iron Man 3 would have been received a lot better.

[Anonymous No.15259957]

is it justified to hit your parents

[Anonymous No.15260364]

I just finished American psycho.
I listened to both make it stick and deep work this week. Been really treating things different I think. Made some changes in how I interact with technology and how I think about books. Been taking more time to be mindful. I hope these changes pay off.

[Anonymous No.15260652]

Maybe im a virgin for a good reason, im a flawed person who'd only drag you down.

[Anonymous No.15261250]

Would u be able to spend your life with completely un-lit but gorgeously beautiful girl with decent enough career who is caring and a good cook yet you cant force yourself to care about any mundane shit she is on about and have kids with her?

Whom do I explain BwO to?

I feel like I am a fraud

[Anonymous No.15261269]

>>15255852
We're all gonna make it, bro.

[Anonymous No.15261273]

AND I CAN STAY UP
IN THE IVY
AND I CAN TELL THAT
THEY DONT LIKE ME

[Anonymous No.15261279]

>>15249358
I gotta overcome my coomer tendencies and mindset. Shit is fucking me up. Don’t even feel like a person anymore, just a beast driven by base desires. Women barely attract me anymore.

[Anonymous No.15261294]

>>15249358
I want to die.

[Anonymous No.15261296]

I've become detached from my body. I respond to stimuli and speak when spoken to, I can go to work and perform as expected, but I feel nothing and think almost nothing. Sometimes it feels as if my arms and legs are going numb. When I move it seems like something else is in control and I'm just a passenger along for the ride. I wonder, if this continues, if one day I'll fall asleep inside myself and someone else will live my life instead.

[Anonymous No.15261315]

>>15249404
Based

[Anonymous No.15261317]

>>15249358
>Write What's On Your Mind Anonymous 05/02/20(Sat)01:20:18 No.15249358>>15249391 >>15249453 >>15249560 >>15250209 >>15250324 >>15250404 >>15252285 >>15253692 >>15257636 >>15257872 >>15258032 >>15258612 >>15261279 >>15261294

[Anonymous No.15261338]

>>15261250
Yes, absolutely. I mean, I believe that you can still have meaningful conversations with her. But why ruin unspoken moments with words, anyway? When there're no words, only smiles and a familiar feeling of love... That's more valuable than a thousand philosophical discussions.

[Anonymous No.15261403]

>>15261338
yea thats what keeps me with her... even though my life feels like a mediocre one that way
A constant contradiction

[Anonymous No.15261473]

>>15261403
Well, that's our natural state, I guess. We're all walking contradictions. Man "knows", which is why he's always two: his life and his knowing. But by learning how to appreciate the little things in life, as the joyful simple moments with your fiance, you should be able to cope with it, more or less.

[Anonymous No.15261526]

>>15249404
I thought Gawain was really cool mech for Lelouch, just an invincible wizard machine floating around and T-posing on everyone like it's Anubis from ZoE

[Anonymous No.15261645]

>>15259435
>>15259435
Read the death of ivan ilyich

[Anonymous No.15261870]

I would, but writing with a smart phone seems like an enormous pain in the ass.

[Anonymous No.15262594]

Saturnine for all time, the only way I’ve ever been

[Anonymous No.15262785]

I'm finding it difficult to find the truth about contentious topics in politics/society because all the authoritative voices, along with the literal whos online, on the subjects seem to be gaslighting us, either due to malice or out of their own ignorance. Not really knowing anything makes me feel purposeless and trapped in my own head.

Also what >>15259425 said, I'm going to go to the gym every day I can manage for a month as soon as they're opened up.

[Anonymous No.15262796]

>>15257152
I know how you feel, in short life with a girl like this would seem a pure and continuous epiphany made of sex, love, in a punk, artistic and gothic context. But I also know that all that glitters is not gold, and maybe after the first and fantastic moments you would end up with a demanding, depressed girl who would empty your life. Nothing is as simple as it seems

[Anonymous No.15262967]

>>15262785
>the truth
Ask yourself what it means, and how you would be satisfied in verifying it

[Anonymous No.15262975]

I don't want to live in india forever, people here aren't living, they're barely surviving and all are stunted emotionally, socially and intellectually. There is no social or financial freedom here, everyone is living in fantasy, even our fantasies aren't our own, we escape in western movies and music and then wake up to a weird country that's ever so slightly inching towards a cheap copy of nazism with ugly short dark uneducated fucking ugly people with 0 self awareness . I wish I could reduced the population to less than a quarter, put a ban on public practice of religion and make education reforms
But sometimes I feel like moving to some other country wouldn't solve my problems and my alienation that I feel here, but at least that alienation wouldn't hurt as much because it would make sense to me as I'm not in ""my"" country anymore
Sorry if this was a bad read I think I can refine and articulate my feelings a lot better if i actually got good at English and read alot on this stuff

[Anonymous No.15263488]

/parkwalk/ Just told a couple to "keep going" as I walked past them after they stopped kissing when they saw me coming closer.

[Anonymous No.15263504]

>>15249404
I feel like I would've loved it as a teenager but it's too retarded for my current snobbish self.
This is the case for basically all anime.

[Anonymous No.15263601]

I *almost* kissed a girl once.

Well, more like a girl almost kissed me.
She was so close, and it was so awkwardly intimate and sincere and real. I still think back on that moment. She could have been my first and only kiss, the only time a woman has seen anything loveable in me. And I blew it because I'm an autistic retard afraid of intimacy and people that get too close to me too early. I just hugged her instead when she was leaning in with her eyes closed and lips pursed. I'm such a fucking loser I still think about this 6 years later. I deserve to be a kissless virgin.

[Anonymous No.15263709]

tfw no terminally ill intellectual gf to suicide pact with

>>15263601
if you can almost do it once you can do it twice, but like actually do it the second time yknow.

[Anonymous No.15264166]

I dont find girls interesting enough to seek and enjoy their company. Too bad im straight. I enjoy guys company much more.

[Anonymous No.15264707]

I'm too scared to speak my mind for I fear being btfo'd by /lit/ intellectuals! You'll assholes! Nael age 6.

[Anonymous No.15264744]

it's gonna rain tomorrow. for reasons unknown i have trouble digging through Celine, as if he's hyperrelatable to the point it's just boring (Death on Credit), i prefer some novelty in books. a major reason i read is to gather data about different exoeriences and ways of thinking to utilize it later, mostly in my mind rather than irl ("practically")

[Anonymous No.15264759]

>>15263601
you and me bro

[Anonymous No.15264765]

/lit/ is more toxic today than usual

[Anonymous No.15264843]

where to meet qts after graduating college.
tfw inexperienced litcel

[Anonymous No.15264853]

I'm thinking that everyone here is damned and that i should leave if I want to save my soul.

[Anonymous No.15264888]

>>15264843
the world is your oyster

I'm not kidding, everywhere, especially if you proudly take a Badiou-eque stance about love, which would me /lit/ as fuck.

[Anonymous No.15264900]

>>15264853
I'm more sensitive when I leave the internet.

I have more will to live when I'm hiking around the woods.

And I'm more sharp when I read.

[Anonymous No.15264910]

>only thing i write anymore is self insert headcanon stories for whatever anime i'm into at the time
>despite never having written them down, i have like 20 novels' worth of scenarios in my head that i can play through again and again
>can revisit any of them even years later with 100% recall

>can't do anything useful in life
>can't even remember people's names
>can barely remember my own name

[Anonymous No.15264924]

>>15249560
books have always been free
t. pirate CHAD

[Anonymous No.15264967]

>>15264910
Give an example of one. No judgement, as long as you've got good taste in anime.

[Anonymous No.15264992]

>another hobo was screaming outside my apartment last night
>woke up in battle mode, grabbed my gun from under the bed, and stealth spied out the window
>finally got a glimpse of the shuffling zombie as he passed
i'm tired of it frens. at least once a week i get woken up by a screaming hobo outside. they just wander around in the night, screaming obscenities. they've also taken over the local park and i get harassed if i go for a walk. tfw one day one will break in and i'll have to magdump the stupid druggie fucktard, then i'll have a broken window, hobo AIDS-blood everywhere, and be in trouble with cops and lawyers. why is it like this? i shouldn't have to wake up at 2 AM ready to kill or die.
>>15259348
>the communal kitchens are fucking illegal
kek. mine is accessible, if they took it away i'd stop paying rent. they removed the common dishes and cookware but i already had my own.
>nigger doesnt have a ricecooker
you can make anything in a ricecooker. anything at all.

[Anonymous No.15265016]

>>15264967
i will not. i will tell you i usually insert as a healing-type character with a dark past who has a lot of scary enemies, and my attacks, because i'm weak, are always all or nothing gambles on a clever gimmick. it's cringy but i enjoy it. i spend hours a day in such escapism.

[Anonymous No.15265037]

>>15249560
yeah, that Ulver’s album is great. Waiting
for the new release as well.

[Anonymous No.15265054]

>>15251119
Why break up?

[Anonymous No.15265182]

>>15249358
Online rhetoric is becoming more hostile, everyone is now part of some sub culture or another that views a society with absolute contempt. We're spending most of our lives plugged into the distorted hyper-relativity of the online world. There is no space for thought. There is too much truth, too many contradicting truths. No one is interested in being wrong; and being wrong is seen as the ultimate. Gender/race/politic relations have hit new lows. Why is everyone so primed to argue and insult? I don't remember it always being like this. There used to be at least an air of playfulness. Now it seems like outright hatred. I don't mind it too much, because I'm spending less time online and reading more. Has there been more of this sort of thing online? Or am I reading to much into? Maybe the quarantine has people frazzled.

[Anonymous No.15265301]

>>15264992
pay another hobo $100 bucks to attack the screaming hobo then light the original hobo on fire.

[Anonymous No.15265327]

>>15265016
Can't blame you for not wanting to share. There's no shame in escapism, though, despite what many would have you believe. Especially when it allows you to exercise your creativity.

[Anonymous No.15265484]

>>15249584
I've experienced this and have many times endured the rigmarole of methodically trying to repeat the previous starting conditions that inadvertently led to some profound personal truth, to no avail. I've learned through much trial and error to sincerely let go of what I thought was some "perfect" or "divine" next step or revelation. I've learned to let it fade away in order to leave more space for new (and often better) ideas to flourish. Becoming so attached to fleeting ideas, crafting narratives for how they would solve your problems or fix your life, is dangerous. They are cognitive ruts. Move forward, out of such traps. Or learn to take the internal feeling by the horns and act on it in the moment. Don't just write it down. Do something tangible in line with the moment of clarity you're experiencing, while it is happening. Don't wait.

[Anonymous No.15265497]

i'm gonna do it. i'm finally going to fucking do it.

[Anonymous No.15265500]

>>15249584
It's possible that not recognizing those ideas by the morning is a positive.

[Anonymous No.15265588]

Man, I’m really having a hard time deciding where I want to steer my graduate education and my deadline is coming up. I already graduated with a degree in economics and I’m basically torn between continuing in economics or switching to mathematics, statistics, or my only actual interest, philosophy. What do you guys think?

[Anonymous No.15265597]

>>15265497
Do what?

[Anonymous No.15265654]

The industrial revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

[Anonymous No.15265697]

both my mind and body are in a state of atrophy
if i do not change course, i will be forced to drop out and lose the college education i want

>>15249404
thanks for reminding me of code geass, i might rewatch it

[Anonymous No.15265855]

>>15265182
I've had very similar thoughts lately. It's definitely grown worse over the past few years. Social media is absolutely unbearable for this reason. I want to vomit any time I scroll through a comment section anywhere online. 97 percent of the time it is people nitpicking and criticizing the post, no matter how heartfelt, wholesome, factual, or non-controversial it is. Everyone has an opinion they can't help but share, no matter how inconsequential what they're pointing out is or if they're simply rephrasing some hackneyed opinion. Meme-slang has also corrupted and restricted the general populace's set of potential responses to any one thing. If you told me 60 percent of the internet's comments and reactions were produced by bots and another 20 percent were produced by people regurgitating what the bots say, I wouldn't be shocked. The negativity and constant need to point out some trivial flaw is jarring and repulsive, even by a cynic's standards. Weaponized virtue ruins the online experience.

[Anonymous No.15265992]

I have the feeling that Asuka would be anorexic if she were real.

I also wonder if her pusy would be shaved or bushy.

[Anonymous No.15266367]

Why do people assume evil intentions all the time? Nobody gets the benefit of the doubt anymore.
Cynical bastards.

[Anonymous No.15266425]

>>15258612
Dunno, but Jim Norton's looking rough

[Anonymous No.15266480]

Im too cynical. I wish i could be as happy as others.

[Anonymous No.15266513]

I always assume evil intentions. I don't give benefit of the doubt anymore.

I'm a cynical bastard.

[Anonymous No.15267098]

>>15264166
They can certainly be few and far between, but there are definitely plenty of women out there with the same literary interests as the fellas on this board. And I don't mean nerds or femcels either. It's partly a matter of luck though, but I have plenty of women friends with similar interests and with whom I have goodintellectual conversations.

[Anonymous No.15267139]

I hate it when you're shitting and the first dump comes out in one big clean load, but then there's still a little bit stuck in there that requires you to push and push, only to break off halfway out and make a whole mess of your asshole. You try to wipe but it's like your wiping the actual turd itself, and at that stage you're almost scooping the turd out with your fingers (albeit with a sliver of toilet paper in between). The problems of this world are glaringly obvious, and yet action is fundamentally impossible. Do we guide the spirit of history or does it guide us? We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children.

[Anonymous No.15267231]

>Zoom classes tomorrow after 2 weeks of not turning up to them
Kinda scared but it'll probably be alright.

[Anonymous No.15267782]

>>15262975
Every other Indian has the same idea. It’s the same in every city of my country because you are flooding it.

[Anonymous No.15268133]

Fiction feels realer than reality

[Anonymous No.15268152]

>>15249584
>>15265484
This is it right here. Recently I have learned this myself. You can't hold onto that one feeling; it will eventually cease to exist, leaving you feeling worse off. What you have to do, in my experience, is understand that all negative emotions can be felt conversely. What I mean by this is that whenever you have a negative feeling, and you can remember a time when you had some form of deep clarity or insight, but it evades you in that moment, understand that you have it within you to feel the exact opposite. It's important to understand that you don't have to let the negative feelings swallow you whole, and it is equally important to understand that you don't have to only accept clarity when it "decides" to show itself to you. Learn yourself - learn your own mental process, learn how you react when presented with certain things, learn your emotional state -- almost look at yourself as if you were on the inside looking out. Mapping yourself out has helped me greatly with this.

Also feet

[Anonymous No.15268236]

>>15249358
cum
cuck
cock
coom
ad infinitum

[Anonymous No.15268757]

>>15260652
I’m a virgin for an even better reason; I have less than no interest in women.

[Anonymous No.15268803]

>>15249358
Finally free to go fuck asian bitches since I got dumped but corona-chan is keeping me locked up

[Anonymous No.15268828]

>>15258604
I regret not sticking my dick in crazy, normal girls are fucking boring

Finding the craziest bitch I can after this rona lockdown is over

[Anonymous No.15268851]

I've misplaced the aspirin. It was my canvas bag along with the rest of the groceries. I put the rest of the groceries away, but where did I put the aspirin. The bag is empty. The bag is empty.

[Anonymous No.15268852]

>>15263504
Just have a few beers (adjust for int) late at night and enjoy

[Anonymous No.15268857]

>>15249584
Anon, life is a pursuit of ideals. The ideal you form in any given second are always susceptible to being destroyed or torn down.

[Anonymous No.15268874]

>>15265588
If you're only looking for a masters degree, can't say I'd recommend Econ. Just get an MBA, put on the monkey suit during the day and write shitty punk in the evenings in your comfy house

[Anonymous No.15268879]

>>15265654
Yeah, I just miss farming so fucking much.

[Anonymous No.15268893]

>What's On Your Mind
The divine feminine

[Anonymous No.15268903]

>>15268893
Stop masturbating and solve your mommy issues

[Anonymous No.15268911]

I am cursed to be smart enough to be aware of my shortcomings but too stupid to know how to do anything meaningful about them.

[Anonymous No.15268922]

>>15268903
*molly issues

[Anonymous No.15268924]

>>15268911
become looooongerrrrrrr

[Anonymous No.15268946]

>>15267782
As it shud b!!!!fuck india

[Anonymous No.15268968]

I've recently hooked up with a girl who made a living selling nudes on OnlyFans. She made an amount of money that I'm sure will have most incels foaming at the mouth, yet the little whore was so sweet you couldn't really fault her for it. Seeing how easy things were for her made me really see the whole literature on life as pain and suffering in a different light. It was as if she made a mockery of all that, as if it were all but the merest rubbish. It also made me realize how lucky we are to live in such peaceful, leisurely times. Granted, she'll be old and wrinkled one day, but she had it easy for a good deal of her life. Not too bad I would say.

[Anonymous No.15269002]

>>15249358
>my
>implying it is mine

[Anonymous No.15269103]

>>15258450
you don't really want that

[Anonymous No.15269315]

>>15268946
Moving to a real country will just make it more like india. Have some respect

[Anonymous No.15269376]

Is anyone else aroused when a woman makes a loud, guttural belch?

[Anonymous No.15269699]

>>15269315
Meh, shut the fuck up faggot

[Anonymous No.15269703]

>>15269376
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Anonymous No.15269762]

>>15267098
I dont really like that conversation is usually borderline flirting/teasing because i dont care about having sex. Its easier with guys - no sexual tension.

[Anonymous No.15269969]

>>15258797
>This is exactly why regular exercise is so beneficial.
I just spend a lot of time outside now, and don't want to go back.

[Anonymous No.15270101]

>>15249358
How do I get rid of a fetish bros?
I've quit porn and I have a girlfriend but it won't leave. I keep trying to not thinking about it but my mind always goes there when i'm close to cooming.
Someone purify me pls.

[Anonymous No.15270114]

I saw a webm on here in the past week that made me think of my Grandma, or firstly her place. It was in the middle of no where surrounded by fields, none of which she owned. I recall going there when I was a lot younger with my mother and step father. Though it isn't the point of this, I can say I don't have many negative thoughts of that place. Can't say I ever hated being dragged out there. But the point is, due to my young age and her living in bumble fuck nowhere. We never really talked in any meaningful manner. I never really got to hear her side of things, void of understanding her motives for things. What I'm getting at here is I only have second hand accounts, know what I mean?

One of these accounts was from one of her daughters. My mother had a strained relationship with the woman, she wasn't the favorite. When she got drunk she would tell me things about her. Stuff I won't bring up here out of respect. But it was stuff I never would have guessed or known about if it wasn't for her issues and cheap beer. I can't say I could classify her as a good person, my mother would most likely agree. But due to my age I never really encountered these negative traits. I remember going out to this nice place out in the middle of no where and walking about in the sunshine. Seeing the sun set behind the cornfield nearby. Seeing the wind blow the leaves of the few trees they had on the property. Remembering this old nice lady hug me the few times she did, on my few visits.

[Anonymous No.15270150]

I was pretty much a normie with conservative stem-adjacent ambitions until 17 or so when I started reading old literature as a cope and never recovered. Now I'm a 24 year old faggot who made literature his whole life and personality and I have a useless degree and work shitty jobs and all my friends are leftists and I don't know what I think anymore, if I think anything authentically at all.

wtf? I thought drugs were gonna fuck me and books were supposed to help?

[Anonymous No.15270254]

There was something special about the man. His sincere gaze accompanied by his austere concentration, made the people he spoke to feel validated in their vulnerability, as if he had digested each individual word and carefully constructed the perfect response that would make the other person feel gratified for sharing. There was nothing in particular in the way he carried himself that would suggest he possessed such a quality; often walking around with an aloof expression on his face as he travelled to work everyday. He was often seen in a most forgettable t shirt and tracksuit pants, carrying various books and tupperware containers filled with leftovers from the day before.

[Anonymous No.15270340]

>>15270101
What kind of fetish?

[Anonymous No.15270487]

>>15270340
I posted it in the darkest secrets thread yesterday and now i'm thinking about it a lot Basically when I have sex with my girlfriend I always end up thinking about her fucking another guy to get off
It's such a cringe fetish I know but i've had it since I was a teenager and it's imbedded in my psyche. I just wish I could get rid of it.

[Anonymous No.15270676]

>>15268874
Right now, I’m just looking for a Master’s degree since I’m not sure I could get into a particularly good PhD program right now but I think I’d probably go for the PhD after if it made sense. I’m not interested in an MBA at all but appreciate the advice. My only real interest is philosophy and I actually hate economics but I just have a few hang ups. Cost isn’t an issue if that changes anything.

[Anonymous No.15270702]

What does it mean if I'm in love with my imaginary male friend who's essentially an idealized version of myself and yet I'm not gay: I find dicks and gay sex repulsive.

[Anonymous No.15270707]

>>15270702
You're narcissistic

[Anonymous No.15270780]

In a heavily controlled, manipulated, and exploited environment that sucks any kind of self-fulfilling enjoyment and freedom, how does one living creature breaks the system and pursue what's best for his well-being?

[Anonymous No.15270847]

>>15270150
The grass is greener. I read literature until 17 and then threw it aside for stem adjacent ambitions until I was 24. I wish I had done it the other way around. I suppose it’s possible that you actually should’ve done what I did and I should’ve done what you did but my point is it rarely works out that way.

[Anonymous No.15270999]

I struggle to find any reason why suicide is not the logical response to being born and I plan on killing myself.

[Anonymous No.15271234]

>>15270999
What is the reason why suicide is the logical response?

[Anonymous No.15271249]

>>15261294
>I want to die.

[Anonymous No.15271267]

>>15270487
>I just wish I could get rid of it.
Honestly, I have been pretty much the same for about 2 years. No girl friend though. Therapy could help with fetishes that consume you, though I have no experience with that.

[Anonymous No.15271268]

>>15270999
Checked and birds are the reason. If you insist on killing yourself bomb a factory first

[Anonymous No.15271388]

>>15271234
-You are constantly dying
-Death is inevitable
-As far as we know, death is the end of consciousness. As soon as you die you cease to exist and the universe (from your point of view) dies with you
-All feelings in life, both pain and pleasure are temporary and illusory
-Pain is inevitable, pleasure is not
-Human beings did not evolve to be happy, even in the most luxurious of material conditions the brain will find flaws to be unsatisfied with because that was beneficial for survival in the past
-Despite being highly social beings true communication is impossible because language is inherently flawed as a means of communication and telepathy does not exist
-Free will in all likelihood does not exist
-Hell is other people - we are intelligent enough to be aware of the ever present judgement of others and the ever existing and active social dominance hierarchies. This causes despair because we are aware of how trapped we are and how it is impossible to break free from that
-Women don't love you. They act a certain way because you have these or those genes or your skull is a certain shape or you have some material or social wealth you can provide them with. Your mother doesn't love you. She acts a certain way because hormones in her brain were produced when you were born
-Everyone is ultimately self-interested
-You won't even remember most of your life. A third of it is spent sleeping, another portion is spent doing mundane necessities like eating or shitting, and of the rest where you're actually doing something you will probably forget about it years down the line. Do you remember what you were doing on May 7th, 2012? December 6th, 2009? What percentage of your life do you actually have memory of? But don't forget that memory is flawed. When you remember events, the mechanism in your brain is not playing it back like a camera, it's actually "recreating" or "reimagining" it; memories will become distorted over time and it is easy to plant false memories in people by asking leading questions, so even the one thing that really defines our personalities, memory and experience, is flawed and untrustworthy
-Basically, everything is fucking pointless because of entropy

[Anonymous No.15271414]

>>15271267
Pretty much all therapists these days are "sex-positive" and will tell you that it's perfectly normal and natural though. It's not consuming my life or anything but it's depressing me that I always end up thinking about it almost every time. I get scared that she can tell, and i'm ashamed that it's not just enough to be with her. Idk i'm fucked in the head.

[Anonymous No.15271641]

Why do reddit-types cling to determinism (often going full Richard-and-Mortimer nihilist in the process) when it gets totally and unequivocally BTFO by any rigorous mathematical treatment of quantum mechanics?
>mu-muh hidden variables
Non-rigorous inconsistent nonsense made up by butthurt determinists. Not even experimentally supported.

The universe isn’t deterministic, get over it it sweetie.

[Anonymous No.15272365]

>>15271388
So if everything is inherently pointless what point would suicide have in relation to death? Desiring suicide would be an attachment in itself.

[Anonymous No.15272375]

>>15270487
Have you tried simply acknowledging that it’s there and letting it go? It sounds like you’re identifying with this thought but you are not your thoughts.

[Anonymous No.15272379]

>>15271388
Lol this is your brain on /lit/.

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!oI3er5KKetj No.15272621]

If
If … at the sound of wish
The summer sun would shine
And if … just a smile would do
To brush all the clouds from the sky

If … at the blink of an eye
The autumn leaves would whirl
And if … you could sigh a deep sigh
To scatter them over the earth

*I'd blink my eyes
And wave my arms
I'd wish a wish
To stop all harm

If … at the wave of a hand
The winter snows would start
And if … you could just light a candle
To change people's feelings and hearts

I'd whisper love
In every land
To every child
Woman and man

That's what I'd do
If my wishes would come true
That's what I'd do
If my wishes could come true

Why
We ask our father why
Why people can not love
Why people hate all day and night
Spoiling children's dreams

We ask our mother why
Why people can not live
Why they won't let the children be
Crushing their belief

Tell us why, Papa
Your children want to know
"Someday you'll find out"
Leaves us lonely and cold

Tell us why, Papa
Your children want to know
"You shouldn't ask such things"
Leaves no rooms to grow


We ask our parents Why
Why children can not grow
Don't look away from us
Don't lie … please don't lie
Your children need to know

Tell me why, somebody
We children need an answer
Why adults fight over God
Why adults fight over colour
Why adults go to war

[Anonymous No.15272658]

>>15249358
I read Goethe's theory of colours, which is so bad it left me a terrible idea of the man and I haven't read a single page by him beyond that.

[Anonymous No.15272734]

>>15272365
>what point would suicide have in relation to death
Speeding up the process and avoiding the inevitable hardships of life. It is the literal path of least resistance, which everything in nature follows. Water and electricity both flow along the path of least resistance.

[Anonymous No.15272754]

>>15272734
>path of least resistance
To what? You already admitted all of life is meaningless. Suicide itself is a life attachment.

[Anonymous No.15272806]

>>15272734
The point of path of least resistance is it doesn't require an effort. Suicide requires an effort.

[Anonymous No.15272822]

>>15272734
In seeking to avoid suffering you forget that life is not only suffering, there are many things that make life worth the suffering for most people. If you cannot find your meaning it is because you are a coward.

[Anonymous No.15272853]

>>15272375
Well it's been there for a long time though, it's not a normal or healthy thing to think about yet I think about it every time I have sex so yes it does reflect on me. I'm very neurotic and insecure in general and cause myself problems with overthinking so yes I should just let it go but I haven't been able to.

[Anonymous No.15272862]

>>15272754
>To what
To inevitable nothingness.
>>15272806
Not really, you can just do nothing and starve to death.
>>15272822
>coward
Is this supposed to mean something? Do you expect that accusing me of being some sort of moral failure will suddenly make me conform to your expectations of behaviour? Your blustering about courage is trite nonsense. Is the gazelle a coward for running away from the lion? Are you a coward for calling other people cowards on the internet instead of going out and finding your precious meaning to live?

[Anonymous No.15272881]

>>15272853
I think you need to learn not to over-identify with your thoughts. This is a spiritual problem.

[Anonymous No.15272901]

>>15249584
High iq post

[Anonymous No.15272977]

no one replied to my horse post.. but that's okay. i don't post for (You)s. i post to immortalize my horses on lit archives.

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!oI3er5KKetj No.15272994]

>>15272977
I cast him in the part of sir Ralph’s steed

[Anonymous No.15273003]

There are three areas of civilization. China is the Middle Kingdom, Europe has the Right Kingdom, and Florida holds what should be the Left Kingdom.

[Anonymous No.15273029]

>>15249584
I hate that feeling of coming up with grand ideas and plans right before you fall asleep and then waking up in the morning feeling like shit and having no motivation to do anything.

[Anonymous No.15273478]

Feeling restless. Planning on leaving my home for the first time on my life. Feel like im gazing over a precipice, its that funny feeling where you are a bit dizzy as the blood rushes to your brain, but at the same time sort of draws you to jump.
My life is shit (usual no friends/gf sob story), however Im not deluding myself that leaving will make it all better. I don't even need better, I just need different. The years of monotony have really done a number on me.

[Anonymous No.15273499]

>>15272977
Horse posting is significantly better than cat posting which is common.
Horses are best pet anyway (some birds are good contenders). They are underrated because of poorfags.

[Anonymous No.15273520]

>>15273029
>All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.

[Anonymous No.15273718]

>>15273499
cats are alright really, but the faggy e-culture of CATZZZZ :DDD truly ruined it for me. cat obsession is cringy, it indicates a weak and boring man.
horse obession, on the contrary, marks a strong, criminally insane individual

[Anonymous No.15274214]

I want someone to fictionalize the life of Jeffrey Epstein as a cross between Byronic hero/superfluous man and Humbert Humbert, while being all the things he was purported to be—not just the Lolita Express stuff—e.g. concert pianist, being a math genius and studying under Ted K (lol)

[Anonymous No.15274261]

>>15274214
your post got me thinking.

maybe modern day is barren of heroes because their lives are so transparent, public, investigated. what would be a noble gent sone centuries ago is now a lowly defiled pedo - technology and cultural atmosphere allowed us to find out about that part of his life, well-documented now, which would back then be a mere rumor.
even if no major crimes are made clear, their general life is too real, too There to be fictionalized, romanticised, for them to become a living legend, a truly notorous person.

[Anonymous No.15274293]

>>15273718
based sun-gazing horse
truly a chad-horse among horses

[Anonymous No.15274340]

>>15274293
https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=1moOrE-4FOrGtCJv8X7ebZWN89WR0bJYn enjoy, friend
the folder is humble but i'll add when the time is right

[Anonymous No.15274452]

>>15249358
Nothing excites me anymore, not women or sex. I am a callused shell of something that was once human. I'm longing to flirt with the temptress death. Something new and excited. Maybe my heart will flutter, I'll lose my breath and my stomach will turn like when I was first in love.

[Anonymous No.15274512]

>>15274452
try some acid first bro
memes aside, psychs are the most patrician form of escapism, it's like living through a schizoposter's headspace but temporarily

[Anonymous No.15274520]

>>15249364

He shall drink of the brook in the way, therefore shall he lift up the head

[Anonymous No.15274537]

>>15274512
I've already tried psychedelics plenty of times and it isn't much different from my sober state. I'm bipolar which is on the psychotic spectrum much like schizophrenia is. I get to hallucinate while sober sometimes. I also never have delusions, sober or on psychedelics.

[Anonymous No.15274705]

thread archived before i could hit Post. here you go if you're in this thread for whatever reason

[Anonymous No.15274749]

Despite what /lit/ and /his/ say, i think wheatfields are extremely comfy and they unironically stir something positive within me, causing me to be more productive and optimistic.

[Anonymous No.15274766]

I unironically want to start a religion and use it as a basis for a totalitarian movement, but im having trouble working out the foundations. Any books that can help with this?

[Anonymous No.15274795]

>>15274749
based. no amount of braindead trad larpers will ruin nature and pastoral aesthetic for me.

[Anonymous No.15274812]

>>15274795
I honestly wish i could retire and start a family on a Tuscan farm. But i cannot

[Anonymous No.15274838]

>>15274812
one day, brother...

[Anonymous No.15274860]

What's the point of online classes? it never works out.

[Anonymous No.15274901]

>>15274214
>The Count of Little St James

[Anonymous No.15275100]

Recently I discovered how fascinating are romantic and baroque literary periods for me. It's a really distant time, yet by no meaning uncivilized compared to this day era. Without any doubts, especially French works, are greater and more sublime.

I cannot seem to look down at described characters as it is with other periods. It is also the time when books were the best entertainment you could have while alone.

[Anonymous No.15275171]

Henry shut the heavy iron gate to his apartment building and waddled torpidly into the adjacent parking lot, deftly procuring a plastic pouch of rolling tobacco out of his jacket pocket as he did. He stopped to lean against a tubular pole supporting the decaying roof of a car port and began to sculpt a stubby, distended cigarette between his fingertips. Finalizing the dexterous production, he pinched a thin, white packet of flimsy matchsticks out of its nest inside the tobacco pouch. He struck a match and pursed his thin lips into absence as he lit the rough cigarette, and with a slow and deliberate suck corralled the white virgin smoke into the vacuous bodily vestibules of his throat and lungs. The small glowing tip flashed in the midnight twilight like the errant member of a tribe of firefly seeking his kin by some misguided vision in the empty parking lot just as a cold and capricious gust of some distant seaborne tempest interrupted the dingy ritual, ruffling the flaps of his clothing and depositing shreds of foliated debris on the pavement before passing on to molest the body of hydrangea bushes bordering a dimly lit sidewalk. For several moments, the only sound came from the steady popping draws of Henry’s wheezing respirations among the spiritless corpses of iron and rubber in his company as he profited the immolation of his contrivance. Small rock-filled potholes in the pavement corrupted the oblong silhouette of his shadow where they intersect and in the presence of its mutant shape he noticed his own and his head slowly turned to confront the nocturnal spotlight cooperating to project this malign specter. Full and luminous enough to serve as guide in the meandering journey of the ghostly nebulas of breath he exuded like a pulmonary spigot was the moon. He decided to reciprocate the scrutiny of the celestial voyeur and at its perch in the sky blew a long hot stream of acrid vapor, as if to challenge its rank in his universe and mock its eternal deprivation to recourse.

[Anonymous No.15275396]

I just feel sad.
That is all.

[Anonymous No.15275632]

I really like listening to music with my little brother or with my parents in the car. That one time last year, we happened to lend out Abbey Road from the Library on the day of it's anniversary and listened to it in the car. I think that I had to hold back tears when "You never give me your money" was playing, my mom however didn't really like it, dad liked "Here comes the sun"

I'd think it would be nice to do that with my brother in the car on a roadtrip or something but I can't drive and nor do I really need to learn it.

[Anonymous No.15276181]

What should I read today. Mishima or a book about the Oklahoma City Bombings?

>>15275632
You should learn to drive desu its fun

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!oI3er5KKetj No.15276259]

>>15275632
I like her underarm hair

[Anonymous No.15276307]

>>15249358
If neanderthals were alive today, we would broaden our definition of human to include them. My evidence? Why, niggers, of course! The nigger species and the human species have completely different psychological experiences, much like neanderthals and humans. Look at the skull shape of the nigger compared to the human. Once again, comparable differences to neanderthals.
What I'm getting at here is that the "scholars" of the niggers are wrong - niggers are not human at all. In fact, I dare to say that niggers are the failed remnants of our noble African proto-human ancestors. While humans evolved to developed civilization, the nigger evolved to better blend with the wildlife of the Sahara Desert.
Indeed! Niggers are simply not compatible with humans. You would never see our society trying to incorporate gorillas, so why should human society make room for niggers? Nigger ought to be placed in a zoo or shipped back to their natural habitat in shipping containers.

[Anonymous No.15276322]

>>15276259
Of course you like it.

[Anonymous No.15276338]

>>15276307
based

[Anonymous No.15276370]

>>15276259

[Anonymous No.15276420]

>>15249358
I seriously lack any and all direction in life and I have no drive towards any particular career. Do I grow up and do whatever I'm able to? What about life? I feel like I should do *something* that's a bit more ambitious than just a regular job, something creatively perhaps, but I feel totally lost. I need a focus and some purpose in life

[Anonymous No.15276481]

I am overflown with conflict; I can't see a clear way to settle myself into this life as I get older. I've grown accustomed to creating small problems before me to forgo thinking too hard about the distant future, if I make it.
I spent this last year in a half really looking into myself. I think I lost something inside me.
I cheated on a woman I loved, and she ran off with a friend of mine. There is nothing good in this situation. It all gnarls back down to the roots, forever connected until the whole system dies.
I'm broken, and I've broke people. I'm just so ashamed of myself.

[Anonymous No.15276581]

Living with your parents is based actually
>save money
>built in support in case you lose your job or have another crisis
>get to have mom’s cooking every day
>can build your home into an actual multigenerational household instead of just a place you eat and sleep
>if you have kids yourself you have more people to help take care of them
>overall have a comfy place to live with people who love you
If anything it’s autistic to move out for no reason other than not wanting to “be a loser basement dweller.”

[Anonymous No.15276750]

>>15249358
I was just reading about Fred and Rose West. Fred didn't have to look very far to find somebody who shared his predilections; like love, this wasn't a one-person-in-the-world sort of thing, where he had to scour for his platonic second half. He was wandering through a shitty trailer park or something, and he found her. I worry about how much evil there is in the world, and how much horror so many of us are capable of. There is so much evil in the world.

[Anonymous No.15276850]

I'm simultaneously writing two different web novels I publish and I can't get the motivation to write a new chapter for either of them because I'm constantly convinced that they're terrible, except for like a 12 hour stretch of motivation I get every few weeks that I actually write in.

I want to finish them (especially my main one, which I want to be my magnum opus) because I feel like if I don't then I'll have never done anything worthy in my life.

I also convince myself I'm writing for myself, and I am, but it still sucks that no-one really reads or follows either of them.

[Anonymous No.15276965]

>>15276850
Have you tried pretending to be a girl to get more readership? Works for me!

[Anonymous No.15277522]

>>15276965
does it really? or are you just making a joke

[Anonymous No.15277566]

>>15277522
No I’m serious. I feel kind of bad since I assume a lot of people are just reading because grill, but they’re reading

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!oI3er5KKetj No.15278089]

>>15276370
>>15272621

[Anonymous No.15278096]

>>15249358
humanity is now used as puppets for a secretive god-like upper class of Zionists and I guess I'm just here to watch our dumbass collective selves be tarnished and destroyed.

[Anonymous No.15278153]

>>15249358
I harbor ill will towards the American hedonists.

[Anonymous No.15278159]

>>15277566
what do you write and where do you publish?

[Anonymous No.15278244]

>>15276259
i think it's cute. body hair make the overall nude more natural and less sexualized.
the pic looks like it's from a nudist garden of Eden, not from some whore's larpy onlyfans

[Anonymous No.15278299]

>>15249584

You're not going to like hearing this but people, including you, are addicted to their own misfortunes. You LIKE that you can't execute on your ideas. You would rather pity yourself and romanticize your own failures than execute on an idea. You like tragedy more than victory.

That is the sad truth about humans. Most people enjoy their own powerlessness. They are pretending to not like their own shitty circumstances because the alternative is admitting they just like the drama and are actually capable of doing something about it.

People would rather live an "interesting" life filled with drama and failure than a "boring" life where they follow through.

[Anonymous No.15278352]

>>15276307
Dare I say based?

[Anonymous No.15279198]

>>15249358
Why do people pretend that their condition are their own fault? the mere birth of a human is a miracle and the birth of a specific human is a statistical second coming of Jesus yet it happens everyday, from there your entire life is decided, your height, face symmetry fucking hair length whatever. It's like that music video RIP by playboy carti, shit's bouncing around and fucking each other raw with a shitty ableton loop playing in the background. Luck is the ultimate deity and you're simply a product of if you can roll a 20 or not. Yet people walk around with smug self assuring smiles berating and holding onto themselves some aura of pure superiority, was it you who elevated yourself to that platform you stand on? Are you the ultimate commander of your own fate, you will never be. So then why the fuck is it all my fault, what did I do to deserve this? Stop, stop it, infact fuck you

[Anonymous No.15279264]

>>15249358
I don't read nearly enough.

[Anonymous No.15279767]

It has struck me recently that I am a miserable person, by seemingly innate disposition. I do not feel sad all the time, or want to die, not particularly much anyway, and yet I feel always plagued by a general sadness. I think if a woman smiled at me, I would not be able to smile back.

[Anonymous No.15279783]

>>15279264
You can fix that

[Anonymous No.15279978]

Holy crap! As soon as I soon as I went to post a reply my mind went blank! Why am I typing this? This feels like shitposting. But we're supposed to post what's on or mins and this is what's going through my head. I deed to pee, I guess I'd better go do that; don't want to be leaving it until the last minute. I miss being cute. I don't miss being beaten for it. It's no my fault that that bitch had issues about her appearance. I still have to be courteous to her boy minion even though she's long gone. He probably doesn't remember it anyway. She was kind-of cute, just super creepy too, like a psychopath that felt no reason to hide it. What happened in Grade 3? It's like the whole school year was over in 3 weeks. I used to be the smart one but I got worn down and I retreated inside myself and lost all motivation. Now I'm a barely employed loser working in retail. I want to learn a bunch of languages, especially Mandarin because of all the science advances not getting translated into English. God, I really need to pee. Did you know that face mites don't have buttholes? Sometimes when I'm really tired, I can hear other inner monologues discussing stuff. They sound really technical sometimes. Often I or what I've been doing recently or at the time are the topics of the conversation. I sometimes try to notice if I'm missing time but there's too much paranormal stuff going on that I must not talk about or people will think I'm crazy. Screw typing, I'm tired, but also seeking some nebulous form of validation for some reason.

[Anonymous No.15280656]

Shit like this makes me want to murder someone—fucking academia and their gatekeeping. Completing the collection will set back one’s pockets significantly—is all that scholarship really worth thousands of dollars? There are probably less than 1,000 people in the world who are interested in these editions, much less actually willing to purchase them. None of the secondhand prices are even close to the retail, which just goes to show how much of a grift this is—academia is only profitable through the gatekeeping of knowledge that can and should be ubiquitous. Also—yes, this is my shameless request for a PDF, though I know it will be in vain.

[Anonymous No.15280768]

To me greatness is taking a bet that no one else can understand, and winning. It is being sly and narcissistic and self serving in a spectacular way.
My mental health greatly deteriorates when I think about writing a novel. I try to manipulate my own head. I always land on a sentiment that I understand is the way to greatness. It is a long line of “this is it” moments.
The first of these fake eureka moments was when I was 16. I had it in my head that being great was a consequence of focus, that being great now was easy, because so many others were distracted. It was pretty sophisticated theory for a 16 year old, but the implementation was just what you would expect. I popped adderall for a six month period. I was energized by encounters, would read whole books in a day, listen and analyze Bob Dylan lyrics, and write terrible sixteen page long prose poems. The consequence of this road was a multi-year pitch black depression that made my life take a detour to a redeemable uncertainty.
Madness being greatness is the most unoriginal of these conclusions that I came to. It is also the most destructive. I think that madness is a consequence of pushing yourself too far. As a 16 year old I thought it was beautiful, which was not as bad as being someone like Allen Ginsberg, who had this embarrassing thought well into his 40s. It is an inherently contradictory thought. The base of it is that madness is just a slur for “being different,” that genius was a kind of redemptive path for the mad. The background of this thought is that the whole world is mad, at least mine and Ginsberg’s version of it, but if madness was a euphemism for “being different,” then doesn’t that make every man and woman a genius? Genius is common in some people. They may not be a genius, but they have flashes. I think it is different to be great and to be a genius. It is different to be mad and to be genius.

[Anonymous No.15280776]

>>15280768
Mine is anxious energy. This has gone on for a couple of years now. It is like riding a bull. For a while I could do it. It was overpowered limbic energy. This lasted a while. I had some people really fall in love with me this way. People I’m unhappy to call friends now, because I always seem to let them down in petty banal ways. I try to not try to contort my personality anymore, but I am doing it now. Not too harsh, not too soft, just do a little here and a little there. The consequences of this path have been happening to me. I had just got home from work one night. Something happened at work, I don’t remember. I was trying to unwind, and go to sleep. I lost my memory, not in a way like me forgetting what happened at work, but a total blackout. I remember having some sort of panic attack, which was something I never suffered from before. It remember walking to my bathroom for no reason and that was it. I came to about an hour later, laying backwards on my bed, with my feet by the pillows. I had a deep scar about four inches across the outer side of my right hand. It extended from just below the pinky to just above the wrist. It was a very large and alarming scar, and I still can’t piece together how I did it, what caused it. My bathroom was a mess. Not untidy. Shit was everywhere. On the ground, toothpaste completely squirted all over the floor. The immediate reaction I had that night was not powerful. It was just a “what the fuck,” and I went to sleep. The following couple of days I pieced it together that I needed to take a break from writing. I also began to think that I needed to be on some kind of medication. I went to a normal doctor, not a psychiatrist, and got some klonopin and an ssri. I abused the klonopin, smoked alot of weed on it and watched films. I can take these refuges in calm enjoyment of things. Pleasures like eating and smoking a little weed. But as I grow older (I’m only 22 btw), they fill me up less and less. I am cutting off more and more pieces of myself laying around and watching dumb things. I rationalize it as an “incubation period,” but I just can’t let go of chasing doing “great things” fast enough to not cause some kind of permanent damage to my psyche.

[Anonymous No.15280787]

>>15280776
I have thought that greatness had been silent headedness, calm and resolute in the face of complexity. Think John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, etc. A kind of old world greatness. It has been other things too, which are harder to name. I was never able to adopt this posture for long periods of time. It has never been in my nature to be this way. I can be silent. I know that for most of my childhood I was silent and timid, but it was good natured, and if I was going to be harsh on myself it would be called a weakness. I have practiced a calmness that doesn’t have a clear vision for what should be done. The only calm I have known is blindness.
There is a great scene in the film Snatch where one character has a monolgue to two inept robbers about the difference between being a pair of balls, and being a big dick. Balls are essentially muscle, they know how to take big risks and persevere, whereas a dick is a man with a clear headed vision. Maybe I am simply a pair of low hanging balls, in desperate need of direction.

[Anonymous No.15281136]

>>15280768
That's a pretty obvious theory about "greatness," chief.
Learn to punctuate your introductory clauses first before writing any novel, bud.

[Anonymous No.15281172]

>>15249358
I need to finish the book i’m reading, but first i need to get out of bed. I need to make coffee and try not to masterbait so i can build enough semen to summon Spinoza

[Anonymous No.15281409]

>>15281136
Good job on reading the first sentence, and assuming this is for a novel, faggot

[Anonymous No.15281508]

Ah yes, still no job, still living off my savings and imagining myself on the street by the end of the year. Love Corona.

[Anonymous No.15281549]

>>15273520
>All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.
Huh, Thanks bud. Good quote.

[Anonymous No.15281600]

Everything about me is based on running away from something (usually from myself). That given i wanted to have shapeshifting powers when i was young and even indulged in a bit of crossdressing which i dropped almost completely once i realized that all it was an act of being someone other than myself. Why would i want to be the actual me which is cowardly, boring, non-sexual, confused, sad and ugly sack of shit? Even now im running away from taking responsibility for control of my life and life in general. It makes me extremely tired and apathetic to distance myself from internal and external worlds.

[Anonymous No.15281689]

>>15281600
But isn't the person that enjoys running away and actively chasing some sense of self that is not your own, actually yourself?

[Anonymous No.15281844]

>>15253110
Damn that turned too homosexual for my homophobia, I stopped reading.

[Anonymous No.15281866]

>>15281689
How can i be myself and chase more sense of self? I do not believe that i have the full sense of myself except some shallow aspect.

[Anonymous No.15281974]

I've been getting into music recently. Beforehand I mostly listened to game soundtracks and maybe some doujin circles.

[Anonymous No.15282390]

Everything I ever try to get into always ends up leaving me with a feeling of deep hollowness eventually
It could be the most profound most popular thing imaginable and it would still end up this way
Everything I have ever loved everything that has ever held meaning to me is now a pale husk
I live in a world of darkness
All I have are my memories and they'll never mean anything to anyone but me and even to me they're only static lifeless things and I fear that one day they may not even mean anything to me anymore of course when I die they'll all be gone forever anyway

[Anonymous No.15283047]

>>15249358
Culture vacillates between the archaic and the futuristic innately. What you believe to be an indelible transformation is merely the motion of culture along its meandering journey through a phase space. The changes in society precipitated by the virus is an excellent example of the non-linear encounters we have and will continue to experience in the lives of ourselves and our species. You can fixate yourself like a stick in a crag within the chaos of the great temporal river or attempt to paddle against its ceaseless confluence, these are the choices our will grants us, but thrust ahead that you may influence the course of its contents. Anyway do what you want because you will not suffer any eternal consequence for your malaise or your ambition.

[Anonymous No.15283055]

>>15282390
I had similar thoughts and faced them with the idea of creating new memories with someone else
A partner
If that works then fulfill my biological purpose
But that just feels impossible at the moment

[Anonymous No.15283083]

I WANT A KISS! I LOVE HUMAN CONTACT! I LOVE FEELING ANOTHER’S SKIN AGAINST MY OWN, COOL OR WARM. BROS, I THINK I MIGHT BE TENDER-HEARTED!!!!!!!

[Anonymous No.15283403]

>>15283083
come here, nigga

[Anonymous No.15284532]

>>15279783
I am.

[Anonymous No.15284638]

I don't enjoy reading anymore. I don't like that.

[Anonymous No.15284722]

>>15261250
No. My current girlfriend is exactly like this and it is absolute torture. She's smart, she's incredibly attractive, but she doesn't give a flying fuck about literature, philosophy or anything of aesthetic value. It's all inane gossip, random bullshit and fights. Don't fall for this shit Anons. If you want a good relationship look for someone you actually can fucking connect with, not a utility fuck and cook machine. It will drive you insane.

Quarantine has driven me to the point of finally ballsing up to the potentiality of loneliness and leaving this toxic worthless relationship.

[Anonymous No.15285055]

>>15249358
My astronomical model is neither heliocentric nor geocentric but anthropocentric. St. Maximus the Confessor said that man is macrocosm. Man is ontologically prior to the cosmos. While it is true that man depends on the cosmos for his existence, the cosmos is not a conscious center and depends on man, as that conscious center, to make itself known and to be given meaning. If man did not exist, the cosmos could not exist. Therefore, the cosmos has its origin in man.

tl;dr science is gay and the universe is only 7000 years old.