/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.1521231]

FLASH ..... Who has got it? iPhone or Holland & Holland?
My Winter vacation is partially surfing in California. Two Dot, Montana gets a bit chilly in February. I stock up on Trader Joe’s items not available in Montana. I was miffed when TJ’s was out of Sipping Chocolate. I buy it for $4.95 and resell it for $12.95. “Seasonal.”

Then after my Morning Glass surfing Montana de Oro, my Yater Spoon drawing attention, I stopped at the Los Osos Starbucks for my favorite warm me up. Never on the menu the Chocolate Truffle Mocha made with a blend of four flavors.

“Sorry, we are out.” “When will it be available?” “Corporate discontinued it because people liked it.”

“I will write to headquarters and protest!”, Screamed I. “ I have a special connection to the CEO. (His associate Lucy treated me at the Warm Springs Hospital for psycho rage when Trader Joe’s discontinued the Chili Verde package.) Charles Schulz and i are like peas in a pod.”

“You mean Howard Schultz and his iPod?”

[Anonymous No.1521232]

“No one even looked up; All being plugged into headsets and playing video games linked to the Starbucks free router.”

Disgruntled and having missed my dose of Risperdal I gave my walking cane a twist and yanked out the hidden gadget circa 1850 Pepperbox six shooter. Attaching my own iPhone with a laser sight device (LSD) I honed in on the nearest Venti. Nothing like venting on a Venti. I carefully squeezed off a double action shot. The .18 caliber bounced off the paper cup. Lots of Flash but no download application?

The sipper remained entranced watching Avatar on Netflix.

The Barista intoned, “ Our attorney (a Barrister?) suggested we use Kevlar cups to avoid spillage during shootouts.”

I popped the last five making a happy face on the overhead menu. Then headed for my car. Grabbing my 1905 Holland & Holland double rifle I slammed home two 470 Belted Nitro Express. 500 grain lead full metal jacket and 73 grains FL Cordite powder. Designed for dangerous African game: Elephants, Lions and Tigers. That router is off to the Tullies.

Cal Blammo thought I. Clink clink went both firing pins. In Shock & Awe I jumped in my 1938 Hupmobile and headed back to the water. Driving through the Eucalyptus grove singing “... and here’s to you Missus Robinson…”

Then flashing lights. I stopped and putting on my best Sorry Occifer Facebook sorted in the gun box for my license. Fishing, hunting, bartender’s license. Here it is. Oops expired in 1968. “What’s wrong officer? Was I speeding?” He laughed, “At 85 mph? You must be from out of state. Driving while embracing. A serious offense in California.” My daughter laughed. “And a child at that.”

[Anonymous No.1521233]

We worked out the apropos bribe. “How about two weeks elk hunting at my lodge, free meals at The Threshold of Grains, and two float trips? But only if you take me boar hunting in Atascadero.”

Later taking out my Leatherman I pulled the home cast lead from the Nitro Express. Dumping out the powder I found the problem. I had reloaded after a night of drinking at the Virtual Stampede Saloon. I had mixed up and grabbed the Nigerian Espresso.

Apologies to Starbuck’s Nigerian Espresso coffee: Potent but slow burning in this caliber.

[Anonymous No.1521301]

what the fuck

[Anonymous No.1521309]

Pretty cool, OP. Fast paced, stylish, Starbucks references. Pretty cool.

[Anonymous No.1521314]

decent, interestingly insane idea op but your execution is a bit weak. a good author is a good editor. edit edit edit cut cut cut and trim the fat

[Anonymous No.1521315]

A reverse Tao Lin right here.

[Anonymous No.1521412]

>>1521301

Maybe it's just because I've never been to Starbucks...

[Anonymous No.1521422]

If this sort of language/syntax is the future of literature I may vomit.