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/lit/ - Literature

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1513075 No.1513075 [Reply] [Original]

Hi /lit/,

I've started up a blog with my literary works on it. I was looking for some creative criticism and advice on how to improve my prose. The first story is quite long, and I'm not sure if it'll make sense to anyone but me - I'm unsure if I've conveyed my idea adequately.

Any comments would be much obliged, site is:

yourbloodnotmine.tumblr.com

>> No.1513142 [DELETED] 

I don't like either of them, they seem like they were written by someone who has read enough try and emulate "good writing" but without an awareness is necessary for real quality. Every sentence my eyes passed over caused me to cringe, knowing you wrote with sincerity made the pain worse. Your writing is wordy, in the worst possible way, and shallow.

In other words you're all fur coat and no britches.

Suggestions: read more, fellate your ego less.

>> No.1513144

I don't like either of them, they seem like they were written by someone who has read enough try and emulate "good writing" but without an awareness that is necessary for real quality. Every sentence my eyes passed over caused me to cringe, knowing you wrote with sincerity made the pain worse. Your writing is wordy, in the worst possible way, and shallow.

In other words you're all fur coat and no britches.

Suggestions: read more, fellate your ego less.

>> No.1513155

>>1513075
>The first lover, referred to as this as he had yet to be named, was called Hans. Hans, for all intensive purposes,
>for all intensive purposes
>intensive

Give it up! Give it up!

>> No.1513164

It comes across as trite.

Sorry, but I don't have anything positive to say about this.