Write what's on your mind

[Anonymous No.14915336]

I will die before my dog edition.

Isolated mind edition or like the Anon who made the connection between the current situation and Mann's The Magic Mountain, horizontale Lebensweise edition.

[Anonymous No.14915447]

I find this whole coronavirus pandemic to be liberating from the daily misery, and the thought of the world going into chaos doesn't scare me. Intellectually I can see the depth and gravity of the situation that others must feel and hope this resolves soon, especially for the kids and elderly parents, but I am unphased on my own behalf.

I have some casual friends I talk to, but nothing deep and nobody I talk to daily anymore. No family members. I drifted away from a lot of friends due to different lifestyle choices, moving a lot, joining the military, and converting to a religion a lot of people think is "a bit much". I still think about my ex every day after a year though I don't plan on getting back together. I wanted to make graphic novels, and we used to draw together. He wasn't the same after he ended up in a military hospital after serving as a Russian sailor.

I made a decent life for myself, but haven't drawn in a long time because of being choked with so much self hatred. I am sick of flying a desk in the Air Force. I spend my time doing a job that doesn't have to exist, and I actually qualify for the more challenging jobs that would've made me happier - but here I am, rotting like usual. I have developed an immense hatred of weakness, of vapidity, of the wastefulness around me. I got so sick of everything and so sick of myself that I am now training to become a Marine officer, and taking loads of online classes to get that degree in time so I can get the fuck out of here.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up to myself uttering the names of the friends that I lost, the people I could've gotten to know better. I recall those unfulfilled dreams in my sleep, of being with people I used to chill with. The kisses I've never had. All the pictures I never drew, all the stories I never finished.

The pandemic will probably resolve soon, but part of me wishes that this is it, that I don't have to worry about going back to work again, that I'll have "real" problems to deal with to distract me from whatever is festering inside.

[Anonymous No.14915614]

Every day is a juggling of thoughts and feelings about all the time I’ve wasted, my failures and weaknesses, where I am, and where I can be. It’s fun to think of perfection, but I inevitably come down after the swift realization that I’ll continue to be mediocre, just like most people, just like my former self. Which is worse: to know not what to do, or to know what to do, but fail to act? And all the while, the back of my mind says, “all of this is meaningless.” How unfortunate that the fruits of the work are meaningless, yet the work itself, the thing that we despise the most, is the most meaningful! Yet if I’m aware of the vanity of this life, then I see little reason to work.

Often I’ll see a cute girl online or even in real life and ponder about what all I would do to be with her. Suppose I could submit myself to extreme pain for a few minutes or hours, then, would I do it? I usually think so. Such a temporary sacrifice, a reward guaranteed, seems so much more appealing than suffering though the pain of improvement over years, with no absolute guarantee of a reward. Though I wonder, if somehow I knew exactly what I must do, every second of the day, in order to achieve my dreams, then could I follow those steps? If God himself told me that doing these things would lead to perfection, then could I? Would I? Would it be better to know these things, or to guess and work in ignorance? But even if I’m ignorant, I surely know that I’ve skipped many of the steps that lead to a better life.

I think all of this will blow over in a few years when my life finally becomes set in place, when my possibilities are not always weighing on my mind. No matter what I will be doing, I’m sure I’ll find contentment in the present, because I’ll no longer be worrying about the future. Such a comforting thought, but far from motivational. At least it is true that I’ll die one day, and finally be released from all this worrying.

[Anonymous No.14915703]

I’m publishing my novel in serial online under a female pen name. I figure this is an easy way to get people to initially check it out. I do worry that people will start reading and realize it was not written by a girl, but so far that has not happened.

[Anonymous No.14915773]

Going out for hopeful the last time tomorrow until all this blows over. A few more things to get before I'm set for a couple months of rationing and isolation with my family. The change in my routine is going to be hard to mentally deal with but I know I will have to deal with it. I have a lot of stuff to keep me busy but I did socialise with my friends on the weekends when we'd meet up. Probably just going to go to their houses. Maybe. I don't know. My house is going to be locked down. A fortress.

[Anonymous No.14915822]

In high school I would always eat lunch alone on the side of one of the outer buildings. I went there because it was humiliating to eat alone while surrounded by people eating together. One day I was walking to my spot and was passing some outdoor benches. A girl I talked to a bit in class but did know too well noticed me and yelled “Anon!”, the patted the open space next to her on the bench to invite me over to eat with her and her friends. It made me really happy and I still think about it years later, I doubt she understood what it meant to me or even remembers for that matter.

I am now rather sad after thinking about this.

[Anonymous No.14915988]

Samefag from the previous thread who wrote about this. Maybe more people can relate.

Very early 20s. Have deeply infatuated with two women over the course of my life. Both of them unrequited, one of them quite recent. It stings a lot bros despite understanding the nature of love in abstracto.

[Anonymous No.14915993]

>>14915336
I'm in love with my straight male best friend and every day I am closer to suicide

[Anonymous No.14916007]

>>14915447
Very nice post anon. I agree entirely with your assessment of coronavirus.

I don't even give a fuck if I get it. Half of me wants it anyway, wouldn't mind dying in a way that hurts others less than actually killing myself.

[Anonymous No.14916021]

>>14915993
Offer to suck his dick no strings attached. He'll probably say yes no matter if you're a man or woman. From there you can move on to spreading your cheeks.

[Anonymous No.14916040]

I decided I wanted to drop out of school only for the stock market to shit the bed and so I’m worried I’ll have a hard time finding a job. I have a job now but I want to learn a trade and I think less people will be willing to hire a kid with no experience now. Maybe not.

>>14915988
I feel you anon. I only ever seem to fall for girls that don’t think about me at all. Why must this happen?

[Anonymous No.14916056]

>>14916021
He is not even slightly pliable; all propositioning him would do is ruin our friendship. And even if he was, I don't just love him physically. He is just all around the perfect human being. He is everything I could ever want. I don't want to mar him with any of my unworthiness. And I'm a virgin anyways. He should find someone who he can actually love properly. It is what would make him happy. Meanwhile I will indirectly kill myself via neglect or maybe purposefully getting corona

[Anonymous No.14916059]

>>14916040
>I feel you anon. I only ever seem to fall for girls that don’t think about me at all. Why must this happen?
It hurts more when you genuinely believed a spark was there.

[Anonymous No.14916108]

>>14915336
I wonder whether my interest in WW1, WW2 and warfare in general is a projection of my desire for self-destruction.

[Anonymous No.14916135]

>>14915614
Beautiful post.
>I think all of this will blow over in a few years when my life finally becomes set in place, when my possibilities are not always weighing on my mind. No matter what I will be doing
Unfortunately, the feeling does not go away. The attainment of accomplishments does not nearly fill us with the level of contentment we believed it will in the process of getting there. I say this as someone who is "accomplished" in particular aspects my life (academically, occupationally, physically). Yet not doing these things is equally as damning.
>At least it is true that I’ll die one day, and finally be released from all this worrying.
You and me both.

[Nemo !!GgBWHLRiayD No.14916167]

March has consistently been my least favourite month since year twothousand twelve.

[Anonymous No.14916255]

At what point in a relationship should you consider telling your girlfriend about your fetishes?

[Anonymous No.14916292]

>>14915336
hello everyone. I’m not a frequent poster here (I don’t read, haha), but I wanted to let someone know that I’ve finally found a woman to take my virginity. She’s not a prostitute. I am 24, she is 20. It’s been a good week.

[Anonymous No.14916327]

The sculptor and the soldier in the book were like dolls of him and Ruben. Their conversations, their aspirations - they all sounded too familiar. It dawned on Nero that this must have been what Ruben was going through. He thought of the sculptor, and now understood why the character has disturbed him so much. 'Ruben, is this really how you saw me? I was never this noble and beautiful.'

Nero paused from reading any further, haunted by the notion that his soft-spoken friend once might have wanted to choke him for gratification. No wonder the man has gone mad when he realized the depravity within himself, and ran to that church and chose celibacy for the sake of his friend.

When he first demanded Ruben to explain what was he thinking, why he was giving up his happiness for some unseen god, the latter did not make any sense. The man was unable to conjure up the words, for he must have not been able to comprehend it himself. Nero then pictured his friend laying alone against the altar rail, having lost both his companion and the chastity he suffered for. Tears welled up in his eyes. 'Only if I had, instead of demanding to know everything, have just trusted him and stood by him.'

[Anonymous No.14917195]

Bump

[Anonymous No.14917597]

>>14916059
To counter it, I surround myself with more girls. I realized that those feelings show themselves when I'm alone, so I end up grasping for them to fill the time.

In my definition, that has a slight connection with love, since those girls obviously did something that hardly leaves your mind and that you can try to explain to yourself, but once that crosses over into the pathetic, good luck, you'll need it.

[Anonymous No.14917599]

>>14916292
Well done, kid.

[Anonymous No.14917683]

>>14917597
Thanks anon, means a lot. Can I just seek clarification for what you mean by the "pathetic". I presume it means obsession and wondering "what if" but I might be mistaken.

[Anonymous No.14917704]

If I get this virus, will I die? Never having accomplished anything, never been in love, no meaningful friendships and a broken relationship with my parents. Perhaps it is fitting that my death will be as meaningless as my life has been till now. However I wish to write something, a novel or a short story, but even under quarantine I am too lazy to write. So I stumbled on this thread and thought why not write something, anything now?

[Anonymous No.14917766]

>>14917683
Not being responsive to girls who genuinely like you because there's still a slight chance to be successful with the one you currently like (are obsessed with). Been there, done it. To not expand too much upon it, I have missed out.

So my philosophy is more aimed at quantity rather than quality. If someone doesn't agree and finds this disgusting, I understand it, because I've been there too.

[Anonymous No.14917804]

>>14915988
read lieden des jungen werthers and hit the road bro
I was infatuated with a gril I hooked up with, tormented me for months

[Anonymous No.14917861]

I'm 13 and my mental state can only be described as void. I don't have an opinion about things because I understand both sides of everything. I understand good and evil actions. I understand sadistic people and people who would sacrifice themselves to protect the world. Factors such as intelligence, stupidity, fear, will, emotional sensitivity or general sensitivity can be simulated for me with me because of my extreme base sensitivity that broke me. Imagine losing your mother and multiplying the pain by 1000. What would happen if every thing was multiplied by 1000 including the loneliness you feel when you feel that no one understands what you feel, the amount of immense emotions. It was as if I lost my parents, got stabbed in the back and betrayed by 6 friends, made great friends and then was told that were illusions and never real, had all the work I worked on for my whole life broken and destroyed beyond repair and etc in just 7 years of my life and I was just wandering around feeling so lonely and void full for 3 years. Don't get me wrong. That wasn't even the beginning. After, I broke from overwhelming realization and thoughts that I might never have someone to share my pain with and how I act completely crushed my base perspective which caused me to know and feel different perspectives which included, personality, sensitivity and logic. Ignore this if you don't get me. You don't want to know. Now my emotions are dulled after sustaining heavy trauma. I don't even think like a normal person any more trying to analyze and think about every small thing. There are infinite factors I have not noted here but I have no need to list an infinite number of things. Also boredom is a rather... strange way to put it for me. I have a strange symptom that allows me to sleep almost 24 hours a day if I sleep while I'm bored although it takes some time to get to that point. It takes around a week to get to that point but I'm rather unsure of what would happen if I start sleeping for 24 hours a day. I guess I'm slightly afraid that I might start sleeping and never wake up and then find myself waking up in the year 2032. After all... I can't say that I'm not curious to find out. I really wish someone would find out how to break this perfect universe that has no visible flaws. I mean I personally find this world too restricted and bound. Wherever I go, all I see are huge towers and buildings. Maybe it's just an endless game where you try your best to get a good score... I wish I was able to run like the wind through the green forest and smell the scent of herbs and flowers and feel the breeze on my face. See. My human instincts are coming to me. Oh well. Calling it terrible isn't necessary. The only thing in the world that should be called terrible is my existence because it automatically disagrees and insults everything. Sorry if I did anything wrong. Besides, I'm bored as hell. This is only in the end, a simulated personality. Good day. Forget everything.

[Anonymous No.14917872]

>>14917766
My approach with the girl I like is now hands off and let it die unless she makes some positive step towards me.

I’ve made it clear I like her up to the point of not explicitly saying as such. I’d bet my savings she knows. I know this because she began acting weird around me when I’d see her after it became clear. Avert her gaze, act like she didn’t see me. Things got awkward. It came to a point where she’d inconvenience herself to avoid me. I know this because I saw her do it. I don’t think those are the actions of someone who likes someone. The reason why I previously said I thought she was interest was because she initiated conversation when we first met at a party and she subsequently invited me to a thing she hosted. I clung onto those two occasions for too long as evidence for attraction.

I’d definitely take your advice in the abstract, but in this situation it’s useless. It’s time to truly move on. Please don’t take this as an attack on what you’re saying. Again, I really appreciate your perspective and will take heed on future occasions.

[Anonymous No.14917913]

>>14916255
Depends how out there they are, but being open about that sort of stuff is always better than letting it come out years into a relationship.
I find women are very forgiving about fetishes in general.

[Anonymous No.14917918]

>>14917804
Will definitely read anon. Hope you’re doing better.

[Anonymous No.14918046]

Why you pieces of shit are all so melodramatic and sad? You are all teenagers? Manchilds? What's happening here? I mean, it's ok to be sad, but some of the posts here are just the pathetic kinda of sadness, where it feels just so filled with self loathing to the point of being almost a caricature of your average sad teenager. I'm not the most enlightned person but I'm old enough to know that self loathing it's not way to go, it's just pathetic, really. It makes you sound like a whinny bitch, a coward, too scared to fight back. Life's a bitch, but you need to FUCK her and not let her FUCK YOU with a strap on. And that's exactly what happens when you become a whinny bitch. It's kinda gay, really, if you think about it.

[Anonymous No.14918054]

The cruel mother whom we all owe
Granted us a pair of scales to weigh
The ups and downs of our journey,
Sparing no one from her lovely gift,
She tipped the balance to the dislike
Of her hapless sons, endowing them
With wretched thirst and ever loathed
Cups which often remain unfilled,
Mounts, and swards, and flowers
The matron moulded from the same clay,
But breathing beasts, and forlorn men
She stranded in bitter seas to pine
For a restful death that never comes
And a life which drowns their hopes in agony

[Anonymous No.14918083]

>>14916292
I too recently lost it and it seems so inconsequential now. I’m glad I didn’t obsess over it and just didn’t let it define me

[Anonymous No.14918096]

>>14918046
Mental illness is a winding path through the woods through which only you can find your way out again. It looks stupid to you because you’ve either never been there or you’ve forgotten the way the dusty wind of isolation blows hot across your face.

[Anonymous No.14918099]

>>14918096
lots of curves on that body!

[Anonymous No.14918150]

>>14918099
Peak mom-bod this is bodily perfection

[Anonymous No.14918170]

Nothing seems worth saying anymore, or writing. I get quieter but my head gets louder.

[Anonymous No.14918225]

>>14915336
I pursue after things that are out of my reach, and it both inrigues me and depresses me. The only moment when I feel relieved in some way of form is during dreaming. I find myself waiting on the tip of my toes just for the night to fall in, so once again I'd get to escape the tangible world, even if only for a few seconds. I considered of suiciding on many occasions, but I can't pull myself into executing it. I'm too scared of whats in the afterlife. I wish I knew, for the good or the bad. I'm just blubbering nonsensical bs at the moment, I can't keep my mind straight. I'm completely losing it

[Anonymous No.14918248]

>>14917872
lmao no offense taken, notice that I've restrained myself from giving any advice, I simply said how I currently do it,

I saw a girl I fell in love with walk away with a guy, judging by their eye contact, they were going to fuck in 15 minutes, set the damn timer, not even the first time it happened, 5 months later, they broke up and I had the chance with her,, saw her at a public hangout place, she gave signals, I refused, a rule developed, "if a girl is in a relationship at the time I'm interested, walk away", reminds me of the ending of Maltese Falcon, "I may fucking love you, but it's bad business"

I feel like fucking Bukowski, "I loved them, other guys fucked them."

after this come the events that lead to the philosophy I already told you about, basically me getting more fit and chasing whores,

generally what helped me the most was an advice I got from a 70 y.o. women who studied theology, "you need to define what sex means to you", I'd tell you my discoveries, but I don't think they'll help you anyway, so find your own answer

[Anonymous No.14918303]

Same post as in the last thread about the coronavirus destroying working-class arts & culture, but again and slightly more frantic

https://onezero.medium.com/coronavirus-is-speeding-up-the-amazonification-of-the-planet-21cb20d16372

[Anonymous No.14918829]

Is the anon who knows all about Gregorian chanting here? From the last thread? He suggested frank martin...

[Anonymous No.14919067]

Having an artistic crisis of faith. Years of work and very little to show for it. Usually that doesn't bother me because I am sustained by belief in the work. But lately I don't even believe in the work. My writing feels behind the times but not radically so. My writing feels like something from 2007. I will either plod on for my own sake or I will give up. Either way I will remain unread and be forgotten.

[Anonymous No.14919083]

I just realized something. People mean virus in real life, not computer virus.

[Anonymous No.14919097]

No will but the will of God.

[Anonymous No.14919214]

>feel lost and hopeless, job worries
>got in a mood and dug out old draft i wrote last year in a 1 month period to relieve stress
>lowbrow YA urban fantasy, characters have good chemistry though and i'm fond of them
>40k words so far, didn't write the ending
Maybe i'll finish it up and try to get it published. apparently shit like this flies off the shelves so why not, mine isn't any worse than anyone else's. even if i only get like 5k payment for it, that's worth it for me since it's already there waiting. About to make coffee and get /comfy/ to give this a readthrough.

[Anonymous No.14919372]

>>14919214
good luck anon

[Anonymous No.14919461]

>>14918248
what are your discoveries man?

[Anonymous No.14919494]

>>14919214
>even if i only get like 5k payment for it,

you sound pretty confident. have you published before?

[Anonymous No.14919593]

This virus is giving me hope in a way.
I feel like there has been a lack of happening in the world since 9/11. Personally I haven't had a reason to care about much of anything in a long while.

[Anonymous No.14919791]

>>14915336
the fruits of reason and revelry are not always ripe.
what possible meaning could you draw from that bottomless well of sight and sound?

[Anonymous No.14919836]

[Anonymous No.14920257]

>>14917704
>If I get this virus, will I die?
Probably not. And don't sorry about doing nothing, parasites are needed in nature.

[Anonymous No.14920273]

>>14916255
The point where you can handle the possibility that hers are worse

[Anonymous No.14920278]

>>14919461
the two latest things I use are the following,

I take interactions with girls for granted, during my life I mostly had male friends and one common thing I've observed is that (except that they don't know how to talk about sex) all of them use the success they have with girls as a thing to brag about, they are fast on giving advice how you need "confidence" or "just need to be crazy bro", (I'm aware that I'm currently doing the same, but you fucking asked, and it's not an advice, it's just telling you my theories and you've probably heard them before), in short, I take them for granted, if I approach one, it's not based on my looks, or educational accomplishments, or my charm, or whatever reason you can come up with that gives me a kick, it's simply how it is

the second thing is, it's something that can be explained with the romantic movement, I wouldn't touch this topic with a ten foot pole if I didn't gradually discover it myself, you know that romantics are idealizing women? it's because they know how to fuck, I'm not talking about the part of writing a girl flowery poetry, telling her that she's perfect, I'm talking about standing in front of one and letting her evaluate me, every single part if she wishes so, and the thing I do back is absolutely nothing, not even the cowardly "well, if she rejects me, she has every right to do so" or the "fuck her, there are many women out there anyway",
this occurred to me after I played around with the idea of being content with the way I look, what happens if I'm content with it, I reached that level this January (can't really maintain it), the way I walked, behaved, the way I did everything, it pointed towards "let her evaluate you and don't do anything", the two specific things this brought me is, that I can get addicted to evaluation, the second is, rejections sting one way or another, nausea level, but if I keep my reaction at zero, it's fucking ZEN. if it's not a rejection, fine let's have a fun time,

didn't have much chance to test this because thank you corona, the last girl I saw was on March 7th, after that, isolation and dead social life, holy fuck, this is killing me

I don't think this helps anyone because it's suited to my character and there's more to it than I wrote, and yes, it may seem like I'm overthinking, but I rather have something I came up with myself than follow the shit advice I got from others over the years,

P.S. feel free to make fun of my theories, I don't really give a shit, one thing I'd like to underline is "Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women.", might be true,

[Anonymous No.14920285]

I wish I were a cute girl.

[Anonymous No.14920340]

Me and my brother went yesterday to a friend's house not far from our own. Once there, we smoked about three joints of weed, I recall being high as fuck. Anyways, what happened, is that a dog followed us back home and now she's my new pet. Strangely, my real dog died about a month ago.

[Anonymous No.14921573]

if i didnt have literature i would have absolutely no reason to live.

[Anonymous No.14922040]

My gf shared an image of a dress with a low neckline (no outright wild cleavage or anything), and, while I definitely thought she was gorgeous, there was some insecurity in me seeing that. I don't know why.

Anyone experience something similar and come to some personal resolution/closure?

[Anonymous No.14922150]

I think whats the point of living if you're going to die one day but i cant end myself.

[Anonymous No.14922185]

I take my big penis in my hand and turn over gravity on my hour glass

[Anonymous No.14922291]

The last few nights I have been awoken roughly 30 minutes after I fall asleep, finding myself in what I presumed was a state of paralysis. The first night I thought it was so, until I experienced a gripping sensation on my ankle and throat and left arm, at which point the hands that held tight would begin to drag me down the side of my bed. I was no asleep. It was not a nightmare. I could feel myself move and my right hand came to my face but there was nothing there. I screamed out for help but my voice came weakly, I could not shout due to what felt like a hand around my neck. After some struggle the hands released and I could sit up. I don't know what to make of it. Have I finally lost it?

[Anonymous No.14922411]

I just called the night hours phone for my cities mental health service because I was having more suicidal thoughts and existential panic. I wanted to talk to my case manager first thing Monday morning, however I ended up having a longer conversation with the person manning the phone: Jole, a recently converted buddhist, who seemed to have a solution on all of my problems. One such solution (to my obsessive thinking about my own mortality and insignificance) was that
>I like to think that depression is when humans think too much about the past, and anxiety is when we think to much about the future. From my own experience, most things don't pan out the way we worry about them occurring. It's usually just our own "catastrophising" that makes things seem worse then they actually are.
He recommended "The Art of Living" by "S.N. Goenka" (its actually William Hart and was used by Goenka in his teachings and retreats). For the time being, I hate Jole more than I hate myself. The panic has passed and been replaced with self righteous indignation. I played dumb for most of the conversation, but if only he how much of a fool he was.

[Anonymous No.14922462]

>>14922411
>I hate Jole
Why?

[Anonymous No.14922469]

>>14915336

Sometimes I wonder if this "social distancing" is going to lead the cure to be worse than the disease. small businesses are going to close. Many people will ask this question who aren't infected "what was it all for?" I suspect a very large pessimistic wave that will spread across the populace that hasn't happened before in the past 20 years.

[Anonymous No.14922472]

>>14922411
>It's usually just our own "catastrophising" that makes things seem worse then they actually are.
It's funny because sometimes when I "catastrophise" I turn out to be correct. X person did actually say that thing behind my back. Y thing did actually happen. It's called wargaming and being on high alert. People who say these things are either low IQ schleps or people who want to live in ignorance because reality will make them crumble.

[Anonymous No.14922515]

>>14922291
Sleep paralysis, Google it, don't panic it's a normal thing that happens to people occasionally. I believe it's because when you're sleeping your body paralyses you so you don't act out your movements while dreaming and hurt yourself, during sleep paralysis your brain gets confused and keeps you paralysed although you're awake and it also causes hallucinations because you're basically half asleep during it.

[Anonymous No.14922849]

>>14922411
>Existential panic
>Depression is about the past
Kek, they're fucking clueless

[Anonymous No.14922858]

>>14916056
Sheesh.

[Anonymous No.14923541]

>>14915336
Dumb whores really need an awakening.

[Anonymous No.14923666]

>>14922411
he's actually pretty spot on. Jole is a good guy

[Anonymous No.14923679]

>>14922469
>the cure to be worse than the disease
it already is. 10s of thousands (myself included) have already lost our jobs because of the shutdowns. i would have preferred to get the sniffles (i did actually contract corona as well, and had to deal with it on my own without medical intervention.) it's a gangbang, it's like being fucked from all directions at once.

now it's a new great depression. finally thought i had gotten myself on a good path to security and prosperity. out of things to throw in my path, the universe sends a PLAGUE and a government meltdown.

[Anonymous No.14924067]

There is certainly a point where there is nothing to be gained by getting any older. Except how perfectly clear and obvious it becomes when younger people show themselves to be completely wrong. Listen to daddy.

[Anonymous No.14924362]

how do I interact with women if I secretly want to hold their hands and kiss them

[Anonymous No.14924401]

Justin Murphy slid into my DMs and asked me how to unban people on discord

[Anonymous No.14924480]

I cant introspect.

[Anonymous No.14924486]

>>14923679
>contracted corona

What was it like brah

[Anonymous No.14924495]

>>14915336
My brain is rotten to the point I get depressed I'm nothing more than a human who can't do anything, I think this is a chance to lose my ego and just stop caring but I don't know how. I get moments where I feel invincible and I feel so happy, but then I remember how pathetic I am and it all goes away. I know everyone else is just the same as me, but I'm still depressed about it for some reason.

[Anonymous No.14924514]

I’ve been building little “shrines” in the forest outside my town. They don’t have any real religious significance, they’re just to mark spots I think are nice and encourage reflection.

Anyway now some boomer has written a letter to the local paper complaining about “pagan activities” taking place in the woods. Uh oh.

[Anonymous No.14924520]

>>14924486
my chest felt tickly inside for a week and now it doesnt anymore. and we're destroying the global economy over this.

[Anonymous No.14924527]

>>14924514
top kek. accelerate it.

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!DqDkzAt12xo No.14924573]

>>14924514
maybe he was just impressed

[Anonymous No.14924580]

>>14924514
Nice

[Anonymous No.14924673]

First time in a long while I’ve been productive. I even started a blog about philosophical idealism.

[Anonymous No.14924701]

>>14918096
>hurr you can never UNDERSTAND me

[Anonymous No.14925551]

I wrote this off my head and posted it in a group. Figured I may as well do it here:

All this week, I've been sick, miserable, and burning with cabin fever. I've had nowhere to go, nowhere to be. I have no partner, no roommate staying home. I only have myself, my pen and paper, and way too many books. No cafes, no concerts, no visiting a friend. All that was before me was the blank stare of dull white walls and the rumble of generators. But then I remembered something:

Art is the antidote.

I'm shaking the shade off. I'm showering and purifying myself in warm waters. I'm casting salt to soak up malice. And now I stand before you and shout:

I want to CREATE.

I want to write. I want to give the finger to my inner demons. I want to spit in the face of despair. I want to laugh in the face of loneliness. I want to put a dagger in depression.

I'm new here, but I quickly observed that this is a great support group. So, let's come together. Let's make the most of our lives frozen in time, no matter how miserable we feel.

Let's create. Let's generate. Let's be each other's midwives and unify.

What do we create, what medium? Writing, drawing, sound, ink, paint, quill, collage, photo, film, typewrite,. A sentence or a brush stroke. A snapshot without a filter. A tracing of a comic. A self-portrait. A thirty second performance. A sample of a drum sound.

Now is the time to manifest our talents, no matter how new we are, no matter what we know or don't. Ask questions, ask for a critique, share knowledge and wisdom.

We can do it.

[Anonymous No.14925574]

I went and purchased an armful of books from a few thrift stores yesterday and now I'm hoping this adventure doesn't give me the virus

[Anonymous No.14926161]

Does anyone have that greentext saved describing how the people who have the personality type that would lead them to becoming trans now will want to literally be birds in the future? It was such a weird post and I'm interested in reading it again

[Anonymous No.14926425]

I'm sorry for being so slow to respond; I fell asleep after I posted.

>>14922462
Because I am a judgemental and hateful person. When I was younger I had a local guitar teacher who had a similar personality to Jole's. His name was Sasha, and all he did was talk about philosophy and romanticize the smallest things in life. Most of his lessons were tangentially related to guitar, and the homework that he set was useless (rap this song that I like, read a chapter from this book that he found interesting). The book that he recommended was "The Jazz of Physics", and it was promised to reveal the connection of sound to the basis of the universe. However, it consisted largely of the author sentimentally looking back at his past. I think that both Sasha and Jole have good intentions, but they look through rose-colored glasses at everything. Because of this, they fail to analyze things at deeper level. Yesterday, Jole told me that there are "lots of theories about death" and that "any one of them could be true." To a panic stricken person that doesn't offer any respite. It's a basic evaluation which isn't going to break down anxiety built up over years. Back to the point: instead of taking his advice at face value and appreciating that he hopes I am less cared, I instead listened to him ramble and opine, with great contempt. And that contempt occurs simply because of my character.

>>14922472
Have you ever known someone that reuses the same phrases in most situations? Some people that I have met have a set generic response to a range of questions that are all related. For example, when asked where one comes from by 20 different people, a person might repeat the same spiel to all 20; detailing where they come from and then repeating the worn out punch line that they have used in every conversation about that topic. I can't think of any better examples off the top of my head, but it seems to me that some of his responses were programmed to allow him to function without paying any actual thought to the matter at hand.

>>14922849
Agreed, but I'm actually better off having talked to a clueless person. If I performed any more introspection in the moment I might've "burst." Something about talking to a pseud gives me a real kick.

>>14923666
I wish that he was spot on. He seemed like a nice and caring person, but perhaps a bit self absorbed in his profound realizations fueled by Buddhism and meditation

[Anonymous No.14926448]

>>14925551
I feel like I'm too self absorbed to create anything. I want to create something profound and moving of lots of people, or at least get my name know widely to justify my pitiful existence, but everything that I attempt is half-hearted and unoriginal. Having said that, I liked what you wrote. I hope you generate something that you are proud of, anon

[Anonymous No.14926508]

Ever since the plague hit and my university kicked everyone out I've just been trying to draw non-stop every day. I don't know how to divide my time correctly- just estimating, I spent about 3 hours reading today and maybe 2 hours drawing. I want to spend the rest of the day studying a language or programming, maybe. I've thought about trying my hand at writing but I can't seem to write anything but essays. All of my attempts at writing non-fiction leaves me frustrated at the first page. Maybe this is how all writers feel, but I'm especially frustrated because I can draw decently well but can't plot out any sort of story for anything I make. Maybe I should just take the plunge and make something even if it turns out to be shit.

[Anonymous No.14926893]

>>14926448
Thanks.. :)

Perhaps I can help with this, though. If you want to create something profound and meaningful to a lot of people, think sbout how your own experiences - your narrative - can apply across a popular genre and/or audience. Let's say young adult fantasy. Since this is /lit/ we all are well aware of how bad YA can be, but people DO remember it, because the YA audience is full of impressionable teenagers and young adults. Look at all the folks that still proudly proclaim what Hogwarts House they belong to. And we all have our childhood favorites.

Originality is overrated. Everything has been done. This is where your own twist comes in. What are you working on right now?

>>14926508

The problem is that you said "plot." Fuck plot. Let yourself be free, like you do when you draw well. Let yourself flow rather than worry about the alpha and omega.

Also, remember, creative nonfiction is a thing. A creative nonfiction I wrote on Medium was picked up by a publication (I never submitted it anywhere - they came to ME) and earned me legitimate $$$. Let yourself be a little looser with facts, and work off memory and impression instead.

>>14924673
Blog link? Interested.

>>14924514
Post pics of the shrines, anon. Remove the metadata, of course. Interested.

>>14924362
Buy them booze

>>14919214
I'd like to read an excerpt, if you don't mind sharing.

>>14919067
Why does the timeframe matter? Good writing (and marketing) transcends such trappings.

>>14918054
This is solid, anon. Though I'm not sure about the pair of scales other than as an image.

[Anonymous No.14927244]

>>14915988
Just got told by a girl I've been infatuated with that she has feelings for someone else and doesn't want to lead me on. I feel you bro it's painful.

[Anonymous No.14927291]

>>14926425
>Have you ever known someone that reuses the same phrases in most situations?
That's how fucking vapid most people are my man. The extent of their expression is trite truisms. Fuck the people who say I overthink. I know what people are capable of.

[Anonymous No.14927316]

Just finished the last page of my composition book journal and really thinking about taking up bookbinding simply so I can make myself a larger journal. Always thought the book of Mazarbul from LotR was cool and want to something kind of similar. A bit ambitious but with COVID-19 I'll have a lot of free time.

I guess I'll write on spare paper for now until I actually make it. No sense in starting a new journal to just abandon it in a few weeks. I've been keeping a journal for going on five years. Let go of it a bit when my dog died. That sucked. Now I'm keeping a plague journal. Fun stuff. My days are boring but still I write.

Everyone should journal. It's really useful for historians.

[Anonymous No.14927325]

>>14927244
I hope you feel better one day anon. My heart goes out to you.

The first one for me was a stab. This one is more of a punch that leads to a less painful but more lingering hurt. Maybe I knew what to expect this time around. Though, I really thought something was there this time. It's funny because I know that individuating the love instinct is ultimately an illusion. It's more or less the same mental dynamic as it moves between new points of desire but it feels so singular in the moment. I really do wish I was not capable of these emotions or at least had more control over them.

Anyway, from experience, these feelings are ripples in a pond that merge themselves into the water around them over time.

[Anonymous No.14927638]

>>14915988
>>14927244
>>14927325
I keep reading posts like this and hearing similar things from my friends that it has made me intensely afraid of the girls I like. As soon as I feel so much of an inclination towards a girl, I avoid her like plague, even if I notice interest on her part.

[Anonymous No.14927916]

>>14926893
>Blog link? Interested.
http://www.psychedral.com/2020/03/a-rationalists-guide-to-believing-in-religious-mythology/

Feedback appreciated, cheers.

[Anonymous No.14927918]

>>14927291
I completely agree; I know how much the human mind and being is capable of. It torments me that most people function at a small portion of what they are capable of, but I have no room to talk, as I know that I could be so much more than I am today.

[Anonymous No.14927939]

>>14927316
>Everyone should journal. It's really useful for historians.
do you think that, with such a vast amount of information accessible today, historians will even have the chance to go through it all? I assume that they would focus their efforts on large and immediate cultural pieces. As much as I'd like to believe that one day my life will hold much more meaning to others than it does now, I know that never will. I have a fantasy that a piece of my journal (should I even take the effort to make one) will be found and held as a great piece of outsider art / literature. The reality is that this is very unlikely to occur. You, like me, will most likely cease to exist one day and in a few decades time the world wouldn't know any better of your existence. Your composition book journal will probably make its way to a landfill eventually, and then buried under tonnes of useless junk, as just another day on the job for a worker there. Or you might choose to pass it on to family members or a child. They will value it temporarily as a gift from their eccentric uncle, and then they will go along with their lives before you died.

[Anonymous No.14927942]

>>14927638
Don't be afraid anon. Not necessarily because it's all rosy but for your own sanity. In the long run you'll regret not pursuing the ones you like. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I'll say this much though. The pain of "what if" lingers a longer than having closure on something in my experience.

[Anonymous No.14927978]

>>14927918
That's why I haven't sought therapy or called a hotline when I've had these feelings. These people are hypocrites and have just as much torment within them as the next guy but they're narcissistic enough to think they have the expertise to talk someone else through their struggles. That's why I'm awfully sceptical of those who proclaim the possibility of some transcendence from this trash heap. The biggest reprieve for me is reading the works of Schopenhauer. He captured the human condition perfectly.

Pessoa said it best when he said:
>We never know self-realisation. We are two abysses – a well staring at the sky.

[Anonymous No.14928017]

>>14927916
Not the same anon, but your writing is quite /comfy/. Very nice man keep it up.

[Anonymous No.14928018]

feeling sad that i went to an all boys school. i think that i missed out on a lot of fruitful social interactions

[Anonymous No.14928047]

>>14928018
You still have college/uni

[Anonymous No.14928188]

I'm looped in because of my history of hallucination. I held a similar attitude in the past and that led to me never telling my psychologists about my hallucinations and trying to bear things all on my own. My current psychologist told me recently that she will never be able to understand and that she will never be able to fix me. That made me feel quite special. I talk to her (and myself) and she asks questions. I know that the pain and worry will never go away, but I can at least hope to mitigate it slightly. I will never be able to stop the suffering and kill my self, but this might help.

[Anonymous No.14928192]

I don't even give a shit if people like genre fiction but it's the fact you cry like a little bitch that I don't have the exact same interests as you. Read Moldbug or get the fuck out. I don't care about genre fic.

[Anonymous No.14928193]

>>14927978
>>14928188
see

[Anonymous No.14928287]

The different ways that our two family dogs were brought up before their adoptions can clearly be seen in certain facets of their personalities. Both dogs are mixed breeds, but the smaller one is short-haired and purely white save for patches of mahogany on her face and ears; and the other one is medium-haired and would be uniformly brown if not for the black tips on her ears.
The white one was raised in a puppy mill in New Hampshire and had one previous owner. It is safe to assume that food has never been a scarcity to her, and it shows in the way she eats her food -- when she eats it. At meal time, she can be expected to simply take a cursory sniff of her food bowl before declaring that she's disinterested by turning away to leave; but she will eventually come back to eat it when she wants, safe in the belief that the food will always be there when she returns to it. And when she does, she merely nibbles away at it, taking only a few pieces of kibble in her mouth at once, taking her time to thoroughly chew each one.
The brown one had one previous owner in New York City before becoming a stray for a certain period of time. It is safe to assume that food has, indeed, been a scarcity for her, and that she was for a time required to eat what she could find, when she found it. And more than five years after her adoption, this habit still remains as a residue of her past life. Meal time is a very brief period in the day for her, as she will hurriedly bury her face into her bowl of kibble as soon as it's poured and lick up about as many pieces as she can force down her gullet at once, swallowing it all whole. This behavior is not limited to just kibble, either: she will gladly swallow pieces of broccoli whole as well, and even once swallowed a roughly eight inch-long strip of hide that she promptly vomited back up.
The brown one also has no fear of the vacuum cleaner, while the white one does. I believe this is another side effect of her having lived in the city.

[Anonymous No.14928290]

>>14920285
me too anon

[Anonymous No.14928338]

>>14916056
>And even if he was, I don't just love him physically. He is just all around the perfect human being. He is everything I could ever want.
Don't worry that is how every retarde feels, but the special hell of an unrequited love is that it never has the opportunity for its pious illusions to be shattered by the natural (and unromantic) imperfections that reveal themselves in the course of an actual relationship (or instead of shattered gently, made more sober). That is not to say that he is not a beautiful person, but rather, that the tangible feeling that he is this is thing that is infinitely superior to you, though very hard to step outside of, is FAKe. If someone had the same feelings about you (which is not at all unlikely or impossible, just go on tinder or grindr and you'll probably find some psycho faggots who will fall in love with you instantly), you would probably find it slightly stupid or ridiculous. On the one hand, they may actually appreciate something about you that you yourself don't have insight into, but they would also be lacking a lot of information that would relieve them of their strange desire to become pathetic little submisive thralls to you. Read thomas mann tonio kroger. be infatuated responsibly: dont kill yourself but make great art out of it.

[Anonymous No.14928367]

>>14916056
like for instance just look at all the retarde heteros you know who think random girls are the most beuatiufl thing in the world.. as a homosexual you have this very unique vantage point where you can see how how discordant the fantasy is with the plain boring ugly reality. invention

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!DqDkzAt12xo No.14928400]

>>14920285
i heard crippling depression cures autogynephilia

[Anonymous No.14928628]

Dozy in bed, I watch the white blossoms bumble in the wind. The morning is very kind to them, it jostles their branches and draws a yellow curtain over their heads. My eyes are dry and I think they might spoil one day, green blots may spread throughout my retinas and I will be like a swamp creature. If that happened I wouldn’t terrorize the people, I’d live reclusive in the swamp, I wouldn’t even lure children, I would eat dragonflies and berries. I don’t think berries grow in swamps though.

[Anonymous No.14928645]

He wrote introduction after introduction because afraid of what he was to introduce.

He tired of describing what he would do without ever once doing it.

What a useless faggot!

[Anonymous No.14929717]

On today's installment of /lit/ I would like to present to you this stagnant water seeping through the pores of my skin and directly in my organs, where I breathe this bile brackish brook's water wading waist high or waste high piled up is this waste of energy spent on filtering out the water as it leaks directly onto my forehead like Chinese water torture one drip after another down my chest and onto the floor where it crawls up the walls and begins the whole fucking process anew this water was here before the firmament maybe it even is the firmament of which they spoke so highly of before but not waste high no since they couldn't reach it with their words or their images made in the quiet nights outside under stars that look as if the paint on the walls was peeling off due to that brackish bilge again I daresay dare to say what was said in daring long before their words were spoken in caring about each other as if they had the form proper form good form is what I have called him but he is too stupid to realize it he thinks himself the star behind the sky when in truth he is the painting no longer dry but wet and drenched by the water

[Anonymous No.14929742]

>>14929717
On a side note: I think I would like to be a homosexual for a little bit, to dip my toes in the water - so to speak.

[Anonymous No.14929949]

I wrote a list of things I want to accomplish whilst we're in quarantine. I split it into frivolous hobbies, such as playing vidya, and my real world goals, such as learning a new language. I studied flags today which was surprisingly interesting. I ended up looking some of the places' history up as well. I could almost feel the satisfaction flooding through my brain. It makes me wonder how I normally have such a hard time working on my dreams when it's so gleeful.

[Anonymous No.14930162]

>>14915336
My gf showed me an image of her in a dress with a low neckline (no outright wild cleavage or anything), and, while I definitely thought she was gorgeous, there was some insecurity that rose in me from seeing that. I don't know why.

Anyone experience something similar and come to some personal resolution/closure? Is this something I get over, or just accept that it's a preference? Can I tell my girlfriend that I prefer girls that dress modestly?

I remember I resolved my conflicted feelings with casual sex in a similar way. Wasn't comfortable with it, realized I didn't want a partner who did that, didn't care if other people partook in it, and just accepted that that's what I want. Now it never plagues my mind.

Surely someone else feels this way, right? If so, how do I resolve this feeling of insecurity?

[Anonymous No.14930192]

>>14930162
get her a bull

[Anonymous No.14930195]

Despite being an introvert, social distancing has been a weirdly unsettling time for me. Seclusion had been desirable in the past because it was a retreat to my spiritual and creative realms when going outside felt dull. And if I got lonely I could ease myself at events, museums, or even just people watching. But enforced isolation changes things, sometimes my hobbies just feel like symbols of our restrictions, rather than the gems of solitude I’d always known them to be. I am still enjoying literature and walks through the park of course, but seeing these as exclusive means to pleasure is giving me ennui. I didn’t know you could be an antsy hermit until I was given a curfew and quarantines, go figure. And maybe that alone wouldn’t feel so strange, but the looming pictures of chaos and injustice around the world at this time enhance everything into a big gloomy mess. Maybe I’ll write a masterpiece this week and reach nirvana or something.

[Anonymous No.14930302]

It's really starting to hit me just how profoundly angry, vengeful, bitter, and spiteful the -average- poster on this website is. There is a preponderance of emotional sickness here. Somehow, I don't think it was this way even 4 or 5 years ago.

[Anonymous No.14930326]

I want to start writing, but I feel like I would be no good at it. Even as a hobby, writing is a difficult one to start. If I were to start painting, I would at the very least get something out of the act of painting, regardless of the dog dirt I had produced, but with writing it feels like If you don't know how to do it well from the start, you are just going to be wasting your time on something no one will ever read, and if they do read it, they won't enjoy it.
I feel stuck.

[Anonymous No.14930392]

>>14920340
This is awesome. Based doggo has chosen you, you lucky fucker. Post pic of her.

[Anonymous No.14930422]

Still insanely in love with him all these years later. Now I'm sure I'm going to die if I get the kungflu. Man, what a waste of a life. Just goes to show, time's always running out - just make a fool of yourself because when it all comes down to it, all the excuses and defensive bullshit was never worth it after all.

[Anonymous No.14930462]

I read Stoner.
It deeply bothered me. I don't think there is a literary work that better captures the American modern culture and associated emotional rot.

[Anonymous No.14930468]

>>14930302
Recently /fit/ have been reminding me of the old days. Not in informative stuff, but good ol fucking around, good naturedly like. I guess everyone is bored because of corona.

[Anonymous No.14930475]

>>14930326
My grandfather, a decently important writer, said to me that writing is a skill just like painting. Funny that you and he used the exact same thing but opposite.

[Anonymous No.14930536]

>>14915336
I feel like my writing is amateurish. Some paragraphs flow really well in my head, but others feel clunky. Is this where editing/revising comes in, or am I just a shit writier?

[Anonymous No.14930551]

>>14930536
Writing is rewriting, my friend. Everyone's first few drafts are shitty. Improve your skills and taste, trust in them, and just keep at it.

[Anonymous No.14930558]

Never has life offered me the opportunity to have 4 weeks free of all its weight yet I can't get hold of any speed to truly capitalise on this

[Anonymous No.14930585]

>>14930551
Thanks. I just felt discouraged because I saw others saying that "editing/revising will make it better" is cope for bad writing.

[Anonymous No.14930628]

>tfw realized that im not the main hero of the story and not going to change anything
its bittersweet feeling

[Anonymous No.14930675]

>>14928338
>The special hell of an unrequited love is that it never has the opportunity for its pious illusions to be shattered by the natural imperfections that reveal themselves in the course of an actual relationship.
That's a really good line.

[Anonymous No.14930735]

>>14930475
>a decently important writer
Someone the average /lit/ poster would know?

[Anonymous No.14930840]

>>14930326
Start keeping a journal. Write whatever comes to mind, no matter how banal or poorly constructed. Just keep doing this and eventually you'll chance upon a something worthy. Pause in surprise and notice what's special about that element. Learn from hat pattern and continue the process. Do it because it's enjoyable to express your thoughts and not for any external reward such as the prospect of someone reading it and gaining notoriety. Do it to push your boundaries and test the limits of your knowledge and imagination. Montaigne is a beautiful example of this strategy; he conceived of the essay as an "attempt", a method for gauging what he knew about a subject without self-criticism or preemption, laying bare the delicate membrane of his thoughts on the page just to see what he could come up with.

At least this is the method I used when I started out 15 years ago. I started just pouring out my thoughts and then graduated to writing more organized and worthy bodies of writing, essays, short stories, poems and now books.

[Anonymous No.14931072]

>>14930840
>Start keeping a journal

Just imagine, in the year 2023, when we are finally set free and are able to shake hands once again, the amount of people who are going to be publishing their journals and diaries.
I can see it now;
>'The Spiritual Sequel to 'The Diary Of a Young Girl', 'Diary of a COVID-19 Survivor' documents the harrowing life of isolation in a digital world with no toilet paper.'

Maybe I should start writing this now, to cash in early.

[Anonymous No.14931466]

>>14930422
This hurt me.

>>14931072
>Maybe I should start writing this now, to cash in early.
I can't help but think like this, and, ironically enough, it is why I will never be renowned.

[Anonymous No.14931469]

>>14931466
>I will never be renowned
Why be renowned when you could be rich?

No one will remember you when you are dead, so you may as well try and live comfortably enough now.

[Anonymous No.14931473]

>>14930302
I've felt the same way for a while, now. I know fully well that it's always been in the blood of this site to act something like this, but I remember there being a time when a sense of brotherhood rode along with it. I don't really feel that anymore. The average poster here is dangerously paranoid and vitriolic, and seems content in the belief that every other poster they're talking to is a transgender secret agent (or something to that effect) and will not hesitate to lash out at his fellow anon. He thinks in very binary terms, too: you can either be in support of this site or be in opposition, and even criticism like this that merely states observations will likely be interpreted as coming from someone like the bogeyman previously mentioned. I can feel just how corrupted this site on the whole has become, and I feel more estranged and disillusioned with it with every passing day.
The problem with that, though, is that I don't really have very many other places to go. Anons have told me repeatedly to go back to Red-It/Facebook/Twitter/what have you, but I don't use any of those because I have never had any social media accounts and don't intend to. I despise pretty much everything about those sites, but I'm now struggling to find things to like about 4chan outside of the site's design and the (relative) anonymity it provides. I just feel so lost.

[Anonymous No.14931642]

>>14931469
I don't want to be rich and doubt that I could become rich (t. college drop out). Whats the point of slaving away, selling my days and getting so much less than what I make? All for the privilege to get fucked every day by my boss.

I have no doubt that I will suffer no matter what

[Anonymous No.14932267]

When I heard that my city was going into lockdown I stopped writing. I don't feel like I can muster the willpower get started again. Everything just feels pointless

[Anonymous No.14932862]

>>14915614
Thanks for your post, I enjoyed reading it very much. What anime is that?

[Anonymous No.14932963]

cuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcuntcunt

[Anonymous No.14933047]

I ran the Phenomenology of Spirit through Gizoogle and I just wanted to share this quote with y'all.

"Evil aint a god damn thang but tha incompatibilitizzle between what tha fuck be n' what tha fuck ought ta be."

[Anonymous No.14933055]

tfw no cute asexual gf (or bf really, I’m desperate) to hold hands with as we fall asleep.

Maybe I should make a tulpa

[Anonymous No.14933139]

>>14933055
A "tulpa" is really just a demon that you invite into your mind.

[Anonymous No.14933225]

>>14933139
Will it be friends with me?

[Anonymous No.14933227]

It seems that more and more of us is stripped away with every advancement in advertising technology, every analysis of search history that tells us that we really aren't more than our particular demographics, and the dreaded loss of 'potential' - a concept that every American is imbued with as a supporting clause of their divine and eternal Freedom, itself being stripped away at the first sign of adversity, first after 9/11 but only more starkly off of rumors of a plague, a plague with a 2% death rate but being so soft and chubby, little princess that cannot even grow beards like our Fathers, we fold and abandon Freedom, that eternal virtue that was our birthright, and doing so abandoning our friends, neighbors, small businesses, restaurants, and any remaining social interaction.

Nay potential is the real killer. The 19th century was a terrible time filled with poverty and disease, where you could die from consumption by thirty, but you could also have a homestead and a life out West. Before that was always the possibility of the New World, a continent of potential to be discovered. Our souls had potential, man could always turn to Christ, to change himself through his own effort. There was the possibility of things unexplainable by man, that we could cling onto when all conventional science told us all was lost. What can we cling on to now? There is no potential, only numbers. We are, for all intents and purposes, numbers in a data base. Looking at the course of a life we see that man is largely defined by his circumstances. Yes there are exceptions to the rule but they still in their minority prove the rule. And that is not even considering the spiritual and moral realm of our potential. What room is there for choice when all that's left is biomechanical interaction, 'impulses'? We no longer have souls, we are simply reaction to external stimuli. I heard a retarded man, shrieking and wailing as he walked by my house yesterday. What difference is there between me and the retarded man, except that I can convince myself I have a choice?

My heart longs for the forgotten plane. There is no Open Land for me; the West has already been one. What's left, Africa? South America? It is certainly not the Western world. The truth is that the Western man, in his eternal quest for knowledge, has codified himself, and in doing so has ensnared himself in a trap that he cannot escape from. He has domesticated the world, and in doing so has laid it open to the habituation of the two great domesticated races of the world, the Indians and the Chinese. The have already won, if only by sheer numbers. There is no domain left for the pioneering spirit, not science (codified into sterile academia) not entrepreneurship (now the highly selected for R&D department for major corporations) not art or literature (also being eaten by corporations or unable to exist due to the sheer number of works being produced). There is nothing left but to exist in this stale world.

[Anonymous No.14933261]

>>14933227
Now my real thoughts: man is something to be surpassed. Already we see the strainings of neo-liberal society. The Western man, he who longs for freedom, has been growing resentment for the established order. In truth he longs for freedom, for adventure. The quarantine is less paranoia and more the secret hope that we can go back to living like human beings, with emotion and passion and hope and uncertainty. This 'order' we have established was never tenable, and yet it is only the Western man who has the hubris to say that he has found eternal peace. We already see society collapsing under the weight of it's debt, of it's eternal greed.

In truth, most of us want the system to break, or at least be rebuilt. My theory is that within 50 years we'll have a much more regionalized United States. The federal government will no longer have the capability of enforcing power like it does now. Our hold over the world will be much more tenuous, but we will have much greater freedom to experiment in how we run society through the different states and city-states, which is much more in line with how the Founding Fathers envisioned it, and also partly what made Greece the birthplace of Western Civilization.

I can give my views on free will if anyone gives enough of a shit to hear them.

[Anonymous No.14933271]

>>14933225
No

[Anonymous No.14933343]

>>14924495
bro fuck, exact same feeling here

[Anonymous No.14933354]

Vladimir Nabokov said Arthur Conan Doyle was "a favorite for those between the ages of 8 and 14" and that is how I feel about your stupid man. You feel the need to barge into my thread so I can barge into your's.

[Anonymous No.14933637]

I hate school and the academic system. I'm struggling to jump through all of their dumb hoops and not drop out. I just don't have the patience for all of this annoying garbage. I've had some awesome teachers that teach well and ask you to display what you've learned in a simple, thorough-enough format. However, most teachers barely teach anything and make things so ridiculous and complicated. And then there are all of these stupid forms and indoctrination the school requires you to complete. I hate dealing with all of this bullshit and I really don't want to go through 3 more semesters of this, but it's expected of me to get a degree. I'm not meant for this sort of work or environment. Keeping track of deadlines in 5 classes is a nightmare. I know this stuff is the easiest thing in the world for some people and I'm just whining like a bitch, but damn I'm so tired of this, you guys. I just want to live a simple life exploring knowledge and wisdom freely.

[Anonymous No.14933687]

>>14933637
I'm in a similar situation. As ridiculous as it might sound, aside from maybe one or two classes academic schooling has been a detriment to my education.

[Anonymous No.14933708]

I want a fat girlfriend so bad, bros. I've had one before and it was so incredibly wonderful. So soft, so comfortable. And she liked good food as much as I do. Fat girls are the best.

[Anonymous No.14933709]

What's with Roman slaves becoming grammarians? 12/20 grammarians in Suetonius' "Live Of The Grammarians" were slaves.

[Anonymous No.14933717]

>>14933687
No, it's the same with me. I could spend hours reading articles on whatever subject I feel like learning about at the time, but you lose me when I'm told to read this section in that $100 textbook and then write out answers in a unique format by a deadline.

[Anonymous No.14933726]

>>14930162
Let me fucke her

[Anonymous No.14933766]

anyone got a file of the new tekwars episode where they talk about coronavirus?

[Anonymous No.14934054]

>>14932862
Kaiji

[Anonymous No.14934767]

I really wish I would contract the Coronavirus.
That way, I could waste away and die without people thinking I had killed myself. Instead of my death being 'a selfish act' that people would hate me for, it would just be another number on the ever rising COVID-19 death toll.

[Anonymous No.14934772]

I hate woman

[Anonymous No.14934780]

Did anyone save the pic from the OP in pic related thread? Plz giv

[Anonymous No.14934784]

>>14934780
here you go

[Anonymous No.14934787]

>>14934772
Why?

[Anonymous No.14935047]

It has been a long time since I last experienced compassion, no strings attached or expectation of repayment.
Managing this well will be important in recovering stunted emotional growth.

[Anonymous No.14935143]

>>14917704
It would be extremely painful

[Anonymous No.14935154]

>>14935143
U
U
U
U

[Anonymous No.14935225]

What does it feel to be loved and be in love?

[Anonymous No.14935244]

Had started to get my life back on track before corona hit.
Sooner or later will beat my brother up if he keeps bitching all the time and mistreating our mother.
There’s a good chance my country will enter a period of unrest, possibly escalating to a dictatorship or civil war.
Met a new girl in uni who seemed interested in me right before the pandemic, now am locked up and horny, full of libido and idleness.

All in all I feel mostly the same as always: like someone going through the motions and waiting for something interesting to happen.

[Anonymous No.14935410]

>>14933708
You're disgusting. I bet you're one of those enablers whose wife ends up on 'My 600lb. Life'

[Anonymous No.14935431]

I wonder how much good my gf is doing to me with her mindset towards a career. I'm a student, she's a couple years older than me and has been working in the industry for a while. Whenever I tell her about a piece of media I enjoyed, she tells me I should stop consuming and create myself. I get it's meant to push me forwards, but it happens every single time and I feel I can never just, chill. I can't enjoy indulging anymore and I'm worried it's (in part) because of her. I feel the need to have finished my degree by now, to have published a marvelous piece of literature, to have a well-paying side hustle and working towards my own business. Whenever I do anything at all I question whether it's the right thing to do, whether I shouldn't be something else to help me achieve things. Where is the simple time where I was content with being a student? Where I knew the future was for the future? Where I let myself rest after the work-ladden years I had behind me, to dedicate my time towards the creative outputs of others?

[Anonymous No.14935483]

What the FUCK is up with women and being really into serial killers and “true crime”. It’s bizarre.

[Anonymous No.14935491]

>>14935483
Girls love a bad boy, or at least the idea of someone they can 'fix'.

[Anonymous No.14935590]

Reading about the intelligent, prescient economic plans countries such as Denmark and Germany are enacting in response to the coronavirus while America, my homeland's dysfunctional government fights with itself and can only agree on propping up markets and appeasing superrich investors is depressing. I'm afraid America has to stand as a warning to the world about the dangers of hypercapitalism and socialism for the rich. Rugged individualism for the poor, obsequious handholding and government protections for the rich.
The financial oligarchy is exploiting this crisis just as it did in the last recession to capture trillions in government bailout money. Such top-heavy accumulations of wealth is bound to reach a tipping point where the basic foundation of society seizes up and ceases to function. They're vampiric parasitism is dooming the country and Americans are propagandized to ignore or welcome it. Lambaste me as a dirty communist all you want , it's the truth.

[Anonymous No.14935764]

>>14915336
I wanna die. I'm trembling in fear. I want the courage to kill myself, to end my distress once and for all. I'm scared out of my wits. I'm sad, i feel physically ill.

[Anonymous No.14936463]

Welcome to /Sad Bastard General/

[Anonymous No.14936638]

Somehow, my head gets quieter these days, left only with coherent and relevant thoughts...

[Anonymous No.14937296]

I had a dream where a voice was answering a complex question I had as I was thinking about it, all but in unison, pure Semiosis, no words. Something pertaining to me realizing that Time is an illegitimate authority but finding it nevertheless miserable. The answer was that its ephemeral quality, the very thing it torments people with, is its own undoing; that it is constantly destroying itself, that it is definitely not cyclical, and that its end is fractally foreboded by there being units of Time which end, the measurement thereof erroneously implying a fixed "form" with changing "content", whereas the truth is that it is pure "content" dividing and destroying itself, nothing but masquerade. It finally said that "even the day ends", with complex insinuations that it is simultaneously the most trivial and the most dreadful unit. Vague images of walking through dark tunnels, ankle-deep in water, turning a corner every time a new point was made. I was in awe by the end, almost crying.

[Anonymous No.14937612]

>>14935154
i keked

[Anonymous No.14937620]

>>14935225
i don’t know

[Anonymous No.14937930]

>>14935431
You should be creating something, if that's what you want to do. But there is always room for leisure, nobody is "at work" every waking hour, regardless of what the myths and rumors say. Your gf is most likely just trying to help you reach your potential, and if you aren't seriously working on anything you should be, if that's what you want to do

[Anonymous No.14937944]

>>14935410
"Fat" encompasses a wide range of weights. Not that guy, but having a gf who is just a little bit fat is nice, exactly what he's describing. No one wants a 600 lb wife

[Anonymous No.14938028]

I feel great. My corn is growing, my basil bush is now humongous, smells great. Onions growing well, sweet potatoes just about ready for harvest.

Get out in the sun and put your fucking hands into the earth.

[Anonymous No.14938421]

>>14935244
Which country?

[Anonymous No.14938853]

>>14915822
That's beautiful, keep this memory cloae to you

[Anonymous No.14939019]

Isolation
Separation
In the nation
Getting rations
Population
Feels frustration
From stagnation
And starvation
Will vaccination
Be salvation
Or will it be
Our damnation
Adaptation
Acceptation
For the current
Situation
The contagion
Escalation
Is leading us to
Complications
Congregation
Condemnation
Proceed to your destination
Medication
Masturbation
Read and post misinformation
Speculation
Revelation
Validation
Vindication
Artificial respiration
Behavioral modification
Unemployment compensation
Demand for identification

[Anonymous No.14939077]

I want to follow someone into the woods and beat in their skull until the brains come out

[Anonymous No.14939135]

It occurred to me the other day that I've literally never had sex with a girl that wasn't severely depressed. Not a big number, only nine of them in total since I was 18, but all depressed with some sort of mental illness. I've always felt like women had a sixth sense for mental illness, a little siren that went off in their head and guided them away from men like me. I retrospect the only women who have ever stooped so low as to hook up with me had devastatingly low self esteem. The only ones who could viscerally sense my brokeness but were so broken themselves they affiliated with me anyways out of self hatred, kind like a punishment for themselves. Hooking up with me as substitute for cutting themselves. Only the smallest ounce of self esteem and they come to their senses and ignore me.
The last five threads I've posted in have died immediately after the fact.
I wish I had the courage to kill myself.

[Anonymous No.14939362]

>>14939135
imagine getting attention from women

[Anonymous No.14939470]

>>14939135
>The last five threads I've posted in have died immediately after the fact.
This has happened to me too. It really doesn't mean anything. You could write an effort-post and it might still happen. Though it helps if you include in your posts things that anons might respond to like questions, or write in a slightly provocative manner (but please don't go overboard with this one).

[Anonymous No.14939474]

>>14939135
You're doing better than I'm doing with women, anon. They don't seem to want me.

[Anonymous No.14939604]

>>14937944
Disgusting

[Anonymous No.14939614]

>>14939604
Don't knock it til you try it

[Anonymous No.14939644]

Goodbye forever, once again

[Anonymous No.14939806]

>>14939362
"Attention" is a very strong word >>14939474
They do not want me either, anon.

[Anonymous No.14939965]

>>14935225
It’s wearying to an unbearable degree.

[Anonymous No.14939997]

I wish I could get the illness.

[Anonymous No.14940242]

>>14939997
Same bro. Dying from it wouldn't hit others as hard as me actually killing myself (which I'm too much of a coward to do anyway).

[Anonymous No.14940305]

I don't know why I'm writing this. I seldom post in /lit/ threads, in any threads at all on any board. I'm not writing with anything particulalry in mind, more just going with what comes. Only dead fish go with the flow I think Saraj Palin said. I probably won't be correcting my typos, I don't tknow. Though I did just backspace accidentl y then. I wonder if I will be able to write anything else seriously, finisha noshter short sotry (man I am really bad at ypting.) or maybe even write a novel. I can't even write a good essay. sigh. D so sad.

[Anonymous No.14940382]

I haven't been on /lit/ for roughly six months, nor have I written anything longer than a few sentences in six months. I hope that this is not too erratic, tangential or grammatically incorrect. I have posted this here in hopes of marking this idea in my memory, so that I can never avoid it again. I may not tell more of the truth tomorrow, and, if I do not, then hopefully this will cause me to tell more of the truth in the future. I also felt a strange, performative compulsion to post this.

I’m writing this message now because this is easier and truer than saying it to you in person. You may remember, when I first started seeing you, that I told you that you could never trust me. I said that knowing that this moment could possibly come to pass, and it has (sooner that expected). I have been dishonest about some of my experiences. More particularly, I have lied about the frequency of hearing voices and some other specifics.

What I know did not happen:
-when I last saw you I described 2 or 3 hallucinations that had occurred since I began to take the medicine. These events/experiences did occur, but without hearing any voices. More specifically, I remember feeling that my life was being torn apart, and that I had caused it. On two occasions I felt this way, during the first I responded with immense regret and sadness, and the second with anger. (although this anger was somewhat performative, to convince myself of something)
-I was not regularly hearing voices at the end of December and the start of January, however I was having experiences. I was often in a state of extreme delirium and would imagine myself hearing voices while dealing with my own internal conflict. While imagining these voices, I doubted my own sanity and questioned whether I could actually hear them.

What I have exaggerated:
-Some specifics of my self-dehumanisation, particularly with faeces (for example I have never rubbed it on my upper body, instead I have played with it in my hands and rubbed it on my lower body). Although it may be off-putting to describe, I think it is important that I am honest. Most of my self-dehumanisation that I have described is true, some exacts might not be. I can add further detail if you would like.
-My actions. [during time period at a place] I was regularly very uninterested in any action. I would lie in bed for the vast majority of the day, however, I made it seem like I was doing literally nothing more often than I was. Sometimes I was, but sometimes I would also read things on my phone and then hide it and make it look like I was doing nothing when my mother would come in and check on me. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t do nothing for a large part of the time, but it does mean that I wanted to show to my mother (and you by-proxy) something which was not as real.

[Anonymous No.14940391]

>>14940382
What I can be sure of:
-My first hallucination (in which I detailed the three monumental black pillars rotating in the distant ocean, and then, in the same night, I remember seeing the stars in the night sky impossibly moving and flying into the darkness. I still interpret both of these as signs that I was going crazy.)
-One longer hallucination when [person in my life] was diagnosed in 2018. This was the first time I realised myself as the basis for reality.
-Two hallucinations in January of 2019, one of which involved hearing both voices in my head (as I remember). Both of these were also transcendental experiences.
-A series of hallucinations from late November to late December, most clustered around early to mid December. Most of these were centred around how I had constructed reality and my nature as the basis for ultimate reality (when I came to understand this I would enter a state which I have described as “timeless”). Some of these may have involved hearing voices, but I cannot be sure.
-A series of experiences since late December, which were not as “strong”, but very emotional. They have decreased in frequency and the most recent one was (by my estimation) two or three weeks ago. I believe that I imagined voices during some of these, but did not actually hear any voices. (Note: I describe these as experiences, not hallucinations, because they were not as compelling as my hallucinations in the December period, but nevertheless incredibly strange. I could still feel things beyond normal perception.)
-Hearing things that other people cannot hear. This is where I discovered the difference between imagined sounds and non-imagined sounds which cannot be heard by others (which I have described to you).
-A number of other experiences, / hallucinations, which I cannot specifically remember, that have occurred over the past two years. This would involve seeing / thinking that a man was following me multiple times.
-A number of inexplicable thoughts that I have been convinced by at times.

What I can’t be sure of:
-Hearing voices intermittently over the past 2 years: I recollect hearing them, but I do not know whether this was imagined or real.
-Whether or not the instance that caused me to be referred to [mental health service] was a hallucination. My memory of that night is messy; I remember seeing the shadowy man walking towards me, but beyond that the order of events doesn’t seem right. What I do know is that some part of me hoped my mother would notice I was acting off, and by that I mean that I could have hidden it better and wanted to get noticed.
-The source of the thoughts that I have been convinced by. I feel like the idea that I had a primordial and indestructible form inside me came from a dream or fantasy, and it it was not as strong as my thoughts about mirrors. The best way I can describe this particular instance is that it has a feeling of truth, not a strict belief in that idea itself.

[Anonymous No.14940397]

>>14940391
I will later add another paragraph or so on my thoughts about why I am such a compulsive liar. As I look over what I have written, I feel that I need to focus more on how I have lied to them

[Anonymous No.14940436]

>>14939135
Neurotic people tend to attract each other. I'm not sure how it plays out why but I've noticed the trend. There's some shared sense of alienation or something that makes it easier to communicate and relate on a different emotional level. A while ago, an anon in a relationship who struggled with mental illness told others like him they just need to find "the right type of crazy" in a girl if they want a relationship and I think this is the perfect way to put it. I've learned this well enough to the point of getting awkward, broken girls with daddy or attachment issues to fall hard for me.

Also, I read in a study a long time ago that human beings (not just women) are subtly and unintentionally able to detect people with certain forms of neuroticism and it subconsciously manifests itself in unease towards said person. I can tell this myself from the awkward/uncomfortable facial expressions and gestures that some of my Tinder dates make during our first encounter when I clearly come across as a bit "off." You aren't alone anon, just practice self-awareness and try to look for the right person without sabotaging yourself - or the women you encounter. Both partners can become victims in the end.

[Anonymous No.14941709]

Thomas Friedman of the New York Times is most worthless peddler of empty platitudes. I scorn this sycophantic boomer and his so clever psuedo-arguments. An editorialist ought to pique, ought to go against the grain, elicit intellectual friction and sparks. He has nothing valuable to say. His only value is that he occupies a position that blocks someone else with something who does have prescience and innovation in their ideas from having their voice amplified, thereby shoring up the status quo through the calculated deployment of mediocrity. You can spot many of these similar formations throughout the establishment. Safe, predictable mediocrity served up as a blocker to prevent a station from being used to greater effect, as that would jeopardize the assumptions of power on which the role depends. Not that you should expect anything enlightening from the NYT.

[Anonymous No.14941874]

>>14915336
My country will go on a complete lockdown for 21 days. By the time that all this is done, I will have been away from society for six weeks. What a time to be alive.

[Anonymous No.14942239]

>>14937930
Wise words, anon. I do think she is trying to help me reach my potential and isn't doing it out of spite, or because she thinks I'm not 'good enough' - although there have been one or two comments that were meant as a joke but were actually sorta hurtful. Idk, due to the lockdown we've been away from each other for a couple days, and I'm honestly feeling great. I've been spending half my day studying getting more things done than I have in a long time, even during similar periods of leisure. It feels amazing to discover so much. I noticed today for the first time in ages I was hopeful towards the future and content with how I spent my days. I flipped through my journal reminiscing in all the fun days I had with my friends, and grew bitter when I realised how often I ditched them to hang out with my gf. The more I write about it the more I wonder if we're making each other grow or actually stunning each other.
She's been wanting to meet but I really don't think I want to be around her today.

[Anonymous No.14942579]

>>14915336
Pornhub premium is free, I'm gonna coom until I reach the dark night of the soul.

[Anonymous No.14942592]

>>14940436
>able to detect people with certain forms of neuroticism and it subconsciously manifests itself in unease towards said person
Story of my life

[Anonymous No.14942772]

>>14938028
Niceee. My garden is in poor shape right now but I plan to start again soon. Last year I've had tomatos, cucumbers, lettuce and manioc, all wonderful and fresh. It's a beautiful feeling to eat something you harvest it yourself, isn't?

[Anonymous No.14942784]

>>14939135
That's a great painting.

[Anonymous No.14943140]

I haven’t checked any of my social media in months. No one had messaged or otherwise tried to contact me during this period. Feels bad man.

[Anonymous No.14943198]

>>14943140
Why do you distance yourself from other people?

[Anonymous No.14943313]

>>14915336
I need to break the resistance on my own life. I need to be more and achieve everything. I have no rights not to be on the top of the world. All procrastination I do kills me a little on the inside. I want to be more and act upon my own life HARD, but I still did not find the way to do it. I'm still struggling to find the "how?" and this is killing me so much.

[Anonymous No.14943327]

>>14943198
Relationships are mutual, if I’m constantly reaching out only to be ignored or turned down there’s no point continuing

[Anonymous No.14943420]

I feel disgusted that I'm related to my mother. I don't want to speak ill of my parents, but it's unbelievable how shallow and cuntish she is. But, most of my ill-will toward her comes from the fact that she wears this disgusting perfume around all day. I can't stand talking to her whenever she wears it, I feel like vomiting every time I go near her and have to smell that horrific artificial slightly-fruity scent. I don't even know what it's supposed to smell like, but my head feels like it's splitting open if I even get a whiff of it. I've told her several times that her perfume smells awful and that it makes me sick, but she doesn't seem to care. Maybe I will just throw it out so that she can stop violating my senses every day- it will be the best decision I can make here.

I wish I were adopted.

[Anonymous No.14943469]

Every day I decide to disappoint myself. But I'm too proud to try not doing it. I've fell over so many edges built by me that I've woken up today not knowing a thing. I can not use my mind, it is its own mind now, a machine with only zeroes in it's code. I don't even exist, I've forgotten what my face looks like or what food i like.pathetically continuing in this fashion i proceed to write this here. how "me" of "me"

[Anonymous No.14943654]

This place is extra depressing today. Must be the virus

[Anonymous No.14943762]

i lowercase capital letters to make it look like i’m not phoneposting. but i am

[Anonymous No.14943778]

>>14939135
Are you whatshisface? Holy shit you're a narcissist.

[Anonymous No.14943819]

>>14943778
I almost never post.

[Anonymous No.14943841]

I've come to terms with my autism. I remember as a kid that we'd insult each other of autists with my brothers, only to realize now I turned into one. Perhaps I was always one but I remember I didn't have that need to try to look normal at that time unlike now.
I realized the full extent of my problems a few months after I entered uni. I met a lot of new people, made a lot of friends and partied a lot and then something cracked inside me and I started distancing myself from others. In the meantime, we had a lot of group works and it was supposed to prepare us to the professional world-- it was a complete disaster.

The others didn't seem to work as hard as me and I didn't get why. Not only in the bullshit group projects we had to do but even in the most important ones. Why weren't they as invested as me? Soon, I spent all my uni days working like a dog to compensate for other people's work, I had no time for friends and that furthered the distance between me and my best friends that were outside of uni.

In the following years, all my friends in uni started to distance themselves from me. I never stopped complaining, I had trouble remembering what someone said to me about themself three days ago, I think I didn't care as much as I did before. People started to get uneasy around me and I couldn't figure out how to talk to them anymore aside from exposing my problems all day and criticizing what used to be my friends for doing nothing.

3rd year of uni, I learned quite a lot of nothing during those years but I could also see and elaborate stuff I wouldn't even think about in my younger years. I realized I was getting competent but I had no one left around me. We had nothing to talk about and there was nothing to be said, I learned a lot of stuff but I also lost a part of myself. Knowing that human beings are programmed to be social, I feel like I missed out on the most important things in my life.

About my family, there's nothing to be said. My father has lupus and I haven't been seeing him for two months even though he could die any day. My mother is troubled when she sees me, I turned to be the most responsible and hardworking of all my siblings but I'm ultimately a disappointment.

I don't know what's next to be lived or to be experienced. I'll be working even harder now to get a master and, hopefully, a Ph.D. I still got girls but I don't see the point anymore. Nothing seems to be of importance in my life, I studied like a dog to help humanity but I don't feel like I'm part of it anymore. This post feels like a giant rant, and it probably is. I'm fucking empty.

[Anonymous No.14944153]

Feel like a retard for being depressed for so long. How can I read a book and drink coffee on a nice spring afternoon and be sad? There’s no reason to be.

[Anonymous No.14945031]

>>14944153
how did you manage to defeat depression?

[Anonymous No.14945062]

I've spent the last few years doing nothing but working and staying at home, but now that I am forced to do so it suddenly sounds depressing

[Anonymous No.14945096]

>>14943841
Thank you for posting anon. Life is hard and lonely, I often wonder why I put up with it. Like you, I am motivated by others despite feeling alienated by them

[Anonymous No.14945401]

>>14941709
Go get 'em, tiger

[Anonymous No.14946200]

>>14945031
I recontextualized my problems. Society is shit? Oh well, find comfort in subcultures and likeminded people (the internet has really stopped anyone from being able to legitimately claim they are all alone in their feeling). Dumped by your gf? Clearly they weren’t as loving as you thought. Also, taking action towards the problems I do have control over and fixing them made me feel a lot better.

[Anonymous No.14947244]

>>14943420
>Woman, what have I to do with thee?

[Anonymous No.14947388]

Everything that triggers you, causes negative feelings, points to something within you that is judgmental, hypocritical, that can't love the world and you being in it. But life repeats its lessons until they are learned, until you realize all the pain, the complexity and the key to resolve them is within you.

[Anonymous No.14947526]

>>14947388
I know my problems but alas i cant deal with it

[Anonymous No.14947704]

>>14947526
tell us about them

[Anonymous No.14947803]

>>14926448
>everything that I attempt is half-hearted and unoriginal
Your question contains your answer. Focus on the things you love, you feel, you deeply understand, perhaps even more than others. There are things in your life that profoundly moved you, and because you are human, and your readers are too, it has the potential to move them, too.

[Anonymous No.14947820]

Death is the ultimate love. Unity.

[Anonymous No.14947874]

>>14947704
I know that i dont find meaning in anything also i suffer from neurosis.

[Anonymous No.14948065]

>>14947874
So you are depressed. You are depressed because a desire of yours cannot be fulfilled.

Maybe a coping mechanism for a deeper problem stresses you the fuck out, but you have no energy for that anymore, so you get depressed.

Realize that the coping mechanism is not you, even if identified with its perspective for a long time.

You deserve to be loved, everything is okay, even if you don't feel that way right now. Dig deep and find what prevents you from thinking this way.

[Anonymous No.14948083]

>>14948065
No i dont deserve to be loved because i cant love myself.

[Anonymous No.14948101]

>>14948083
>i cant love myself
elaborate

[Anonymous No.14948136]

>>14948083
elaborate you dumb fuck

[Anonymous No.14948147]

>>14948083
DO IT MOTHERFUCKER

[Anonymous No.14948170]

>>14948101
>>14948136
>>14948147
First you love yourself and then others.

[Anonymous No.14948262]

From all the problems that don't straight up ruin your life completely, ED is the worst a man can have.

[Deep&Edgy !pSkjEcB9sQ No.14948358]

>>14948170
>>14948147
>>14948136
>>14948101
>>14948083
>>14948065
>>14947874
>>14947704
>>14947526
>>14947388

>just love yourself bro

Take a look at almost everyone you know. They don't love themselves. They don't even have the slightest conception of what that means. And yet, AND YET, they are still ostensibly functioning people, having never had to repeat a bullshit mantra about self-love even once in their lives, having never had to engage in even a moment's self-reflection.

They're not doing it, they've never had to do it on any level whatsoever. And it doesn't matter as to why they don't need to, they all had great childhoods or are too dumb to deal with their shit, who gives a fuck. The point is that self-examination, self-affirmation, is not a sufficient nor necessary quality for even the most BASIC form of "healthy" existence (in fact, these people are all sick, but YOU are ten times more sick).

So essentially the lesson to be learned is that you're never going to change, and all this bullshit about self-reflection is ephemeral and ineffectual, no-one is doing that shit out in the real world. You are always going to be miserable, unless your brain chemicals are drastically altered by your environment wherein you debase yourself enough to lose all inhibitions or expectations or take enough drugs that replicate this effect. Having a disposition of any kind towards yourself does not radically affect this process.

Have a nice day!

[Anonymous No.14948390]

I'm rotting my life away and thoughts became unstable.

[Anonymous No.14948397]

I'm struggling with not liking video games while also feeling that I should. It feels weird not being able to gel any longer with "the modern art form."

[Anonymous No.14948416]

>>14948358
cringe & bluepilled

[Anonymous No.14948417]

>>14924362
Tell them you want to hold their hand and kiss them

[Deep&Edgy !pSkjEcB9sQ No.14948419]

>>14948416
fag and suckmydickpilled

[Anonymous No.14948432]

Im elusive as a person, and often fear of what people think of me, i annoy myself to death with every little thing of wrongdoing i might do, if the shirt sits on a certain place i get annoyed out my mind and think as if the world is judging me. I am afraid of reaching out to my friends because they would probably ask themselves why now after all these months would i contact them, and they would simply shake me off like if i was some annoying speck of dirt. I am Alone.

[Anonymous No.14948446]

>>14948432
even as a child i would never socialize with my "friends", i would always read my history magazines all alone in the yard, and almost always talking to the older teachers instead. I feel left out. and i find no solitude

[Anonymous No.14948470]

>>14948419
cope

[Deep&Edgy !pSkjEcB9sQ No.14948494]

You're the one who's coping actually

[Anonymous No.14948744]

>>14948358
tl;dr

[Anonymous No.14949473]

>>14948358
>normies are mindless drones
>thoughts have no effect on actions whatsoever
>the way one thinks never changes, yet breaking out of dark loops is worthless

[Anonymous No.14949874]

>>14943841
Anon, I had a similar experience where I felt alienated and autistic in my first year of college. I did the opposite of what you did though. I withdrew from everything entirely, switched to a gut major, and just did the bare minimum. I almost failed out. I found out in my senior year I wasn’t going to graduate because I had failed too many classes and I panicked. I took out a bunch of loans to just finish even though I hated my degree. Ended up graduating in 5.5 years with a 2.0 GPA in a degree I didn’t want with a ton of debt. I’m 26 now and more comfortable with who I am. I actually don’t think I literally have autism I’m just different from most people but I didn’t realize that until I was almost 25. I would love to basically start over since it was such a miserable experience. If nothing else, you can take pride in knowing you’re achieving in something and it’s not all a complete waste. You’re probably not actually autistic either.

[Deep&Edgy !pSkjEcB9sQ No.14949899]

>>14949473
> "Yes."
>believing in mental causation
>^

[Anonymous No.14949964]

>>14949899
ah yes, what you thought before writing this reply certainly had nothing to do with its content

[Anonymous No.14950180]

>>14915336
The modern internet has become such a dumpster of low attention span junk. I dont know how myself or any other unknown writer could build a audience. Maybe Medium but it's designed for short essays about currant events.
Unless Goodreads has a use other then showing off all the books you "read." One thing I have observed is that literate people hate reading on backlit video screens and prefer eink or print.

>>14924520
About 20% of cases are bad enough to require hospitalization and It's twice as infectious as the flu.

[Anonymous No.14950198]

you will help me baru or i will go to xate yawa and sign a sworn statement that in three years of courtship you have never shown so much as a glance of interest in me or any other man

[Anonymous No.14950626]

I've been wondering if image boards also experience an influx of bots shitposting.

https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2018/12/how-much-of-the-internet-is-fake.html

[Deep&Edgy !pSkjEcB9sQ No.14950650]

>>14949964
What I thought before writing this or my previous reply did not cause me to perform any actions

See how I'm consistent with what I'm claiming, and you're an fucking equivocating goomba?

[Anonymous No.14951639]

how many people do you think actively post on this board? what do you think the ratio of posters to lurkers is?

[Anonymous No.14951646]

>>14951639
75% lurk, 15% sometimes, 10% active

[Anonymous No.14951782]

>>14951646
hmm, my own experience on 4chan has been a progression from lurker to active poster. do most people just lurk and never post?

[Anonymous No.14951868]

My attempt to become Twitter famous has failed. After one year I've amassed 52 followers. The simple fact is I'm not interesting at all and not worthy of attention. How do I grapple with this?

[Anonymous No.14951898]

>>14951639
the other demographic who should be added to the ratio are people who create memes, specifically image edits, ie wojak variations

[Anonymous No.14952321]

Is abstinence from porn and masturbation helpful if I've become a retarded low attention span coomer?

[Anonymous No.14953032]

I think I might be an asexual. I don’t know what to do with this information.

[Anonymous No.14953068]

>>14953032
Be happy you are not consumed by the biological drive that seems to plague even the greatest of minds. I wish I could turn it off. It would have saved me a lot of angst in terms of women and all that is associated with that realm of desire.

[Anonymous No.14953239]

Is it possible to make lifelong friendships after childhood? All of my non-childhood friends have always been friends of convenience, once one of us moved or got on a different schedule it may as well me like we never knew each other. Other people
I’ve talked to have said similar things. It bums me out. Why must we be alone?

[Anonymous No.14953250]

What philosophers deal with the idea that the world is fundamentally flaws in some sense? I know some gnostics hold that the material is evil, anything else?

[Anonymous No.14953658]

>>14930162
You need to find what conditions make you physically attractive and be able to utilize them. You don't know your own ability to be worthy of her hotness.

[Anonymous No.14953696]

>>14943654
I think it's the quarantine

[Anonymous No.14953711]

I think my reproductive organ is malfunctioning.

[Anonymous No.14953900]

>>14953711
post pics anon, let’s get to the bottom of this

[Anonymous No.14953906]

Wasted my teens watch porn and masturbation.
I'm changing my self bros fuck that pleasure trap. And fuck every pill mind set

[Anonymous No.14953956]

>>14953900
No, this is a christian board.

[Anonymous No.14954327]

>>14953956
No, this is a shitposting board.

[Anonymous No.14954778]

>>14953956
Post it on /fit/ and link it.