ITT: post an excerpt from your diary.

[Anonymous No.14877751]

[Anonymous No.14877787]

with you an immense cort shall reside: one of cooks, gardeners, polishers, croppers, doctors, carpenters, marmorers, smiths, farmers, butchers, fishermen, confectioners, healers, cleaners, drivers, security, bombarders, singers, actors, acrobats, tenors, conductors, engineers, architects, masons, builders, artificers, handworkers, weavers, beekeepers, nurses, watchers, caretakers, apothecaries, librarians, writers, doorsmen, plumbers, electricians, uncloggers, bon-vivants, painters, sculptors, secretaries, philosophers, etc.

[Anonymous No.14877802]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, how doi stop being so goddammn autistic

[Anonymous No.14877803]

>>14877751
“Hey. It’s me again.
Nothing much happened today: I read a little bit; got bored and read Steel Ball Run (up to chapter 59, there is some real shit going on), read a tiny bit of “The Tunnel” on a shifty pdf site...
I don’t get why society is rapidly becoming so, how do I say this, disgusting. It’s all flashy corporate ads, men in dresses, politics everywhere. Is the Overton Window shifting again? Or am I too stupid to notice this change? It’s confusing, wish life was simpler and less complex”

[Anonymous No.14877834]

>>14877751
Today an anon asked me about my diary, he had hella sweet trips

[Anonymous No.14877859]

2/9/2020

I'm sick with a cold. Thankfully it's the weekend (today's Sunday). In this aching and languid state there's not much I feel like doing. I spent about the whole day yesterday, after my 3 hr work shift, playing blitz online and watching anime. Last night I looked at myself in the mirror and when I pulled my bangs back I saw a stray hair about a cm lower than my hairline. This is the 2nd time I've noticed one of these maverick hairs. The first time I pulled it out. This time I looked my critically at what's going on. It seems like my hairline's receding; and these stray hairs are vestiges of what once was. That being the case, I don't want to pull it out. If we're not discounting outliers, then that hair alone boosts my average hairline down a tad---however infinitesimally. The remaining hairs on the front line are sparse and disordered. Hopefully they'll continue their valiant struggle against senescence as long as possible. I had a barber tell me, about a year ago, that he doesn't think I'll "end up like my dad," (lose my hair), I guess because of its thickness. Since then I got complacent, but maybe he was wrong. Or maybe a hairline can recede with age without accompanying overall sparseness. We'll see, I guess; it's something to look forward to.

[Anonymous No.14877917]

>>14877751
From Feb. 22, 2020:
>"TOOK COLD SHOWER. STARED AT PENIS IN MIRROR. THROUGHOUT FELT SELF-CONSCIOUS OF PSEUDO-INTELLECTUAL ATTEMPT TO SIMULATE SELF-IMPOSED PSYCHOLOGICAL TORMENT. NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE I DID THIS. OR THEY WOULD FEEL REPULSED. A LOSE-LOSE OUTCOME (PERHAPS TORMENT COULD BE FOUND IN THIS?)."

[Anonymous No.14877940]

>>14877917
Is this a jab at my entry?

[Anonymous No.14877943]

>>14877940
>a jab at my entry
COR BLIMEY!

[Anonymous No.14877954]

an old one: 5/4/19

At the other hospital they took my vitals and asked me to piss in a cup and i couldnt really pee but i managed to squeeze some out. The side effect of this being getting blood and piss all over my hand. The doctor they sent out was so young he couldnt have been more than 15 years older than me he looked like he was 28 thats not even 10 years older than me. And hes a doctor. God, i dropped out of school because i couldnt take being a little sad. So i told him what was going on and he told me i was not dying. That because the pain came in waves it was probably not appendicitis or this other thing where your ovary gets twisted, because in both of those cases the pain would subsist and not go away, it would get worse, actually, the pain would keep getting worse. Life threatening pain does not come in waves. he told me to go home and take a tylenol and i would feel better in a couple hours and he was right.

[Anonymous No.14877957]

>>14877943
If you don’t believe it’s real, here it is in my handwriting.

[Anonymous No.14877964]

March 2 7:30 PM: Now ever if I did say such a thing I did not see, for little it relates to any actual matter. Now ever if I did, I did see. But I do not now progress to, yet further Prudence. Is it ? A certaine waste, for sure, and barely even attempt to cope; I do not care. How? Ay, such!

[Anonymous No.14877968]

>What usually brings her orgasmic phase to an end is the growing refractoriness of her clitoris, and at last C began to flinch and report that the organ was becoming too sensitive. This was my cue to move my thumb away from her clit and up into the arch of her vulva, to apply more marginal stimulation. "You know you want more," I encouraged her, in the full knowledge this trick had worked well in the past.

>The following orgasm was slow in its approach, deliciously so, and I relished C's helpless moans and the way she bucked her hips in an effort to bring it closer. At last she lost control and began to writhe as if under torture, her mouth blindly seeking mine. When the orgasm came her teeth closed frenziedly on my lip, though she retained enough self-control not to bite. My right hand was now so cramped as to be barely functional, but there could be no question of quitting in the face of such rewards.

[Anonymous No.14877974]

>>14877957
I was responding to the double entendre, but never mind.

[Anonymous No.14877981]

good luck reading that tripe

[Anonymous No.14877985]

You caught me.
I was staring.
M.

[Anonymous No.14878001]

The doom is haunting me again. I don't think it's going to pass quickly like it did recently, where it takes over me for a day, or several hours, and then it passes and I forget about it. I think this is a staying feeling.

I'm thinking a lot about ghosts recently. Read part of Specters of Marx.
I feel like a ghost myself sometimes. I'm only ever half here. What do I like? What do I do? What do I hope for? What are my contours? What did I come here to do? "A baby holds your hand, and suddenly a huge man lifts you off the ground. Where's that son? Where's the father?"

Derrida writes about all action being the waiting for an apparition, waiting for the return of a ghost (the return which is also a first appearance, in Hamlet). Something messianic about the whole thing. "For the Messiah arrives not only as the Redeemer, he also arrives as the vanquisher of the Anti-Christ." A thing from the past arrives with news of the future, or a thing arrives, out of time, to meddle in-time. Something is disquieted in the past that must be resolved in the present to prevent a prophesied future. How far can I extend this? Is it useful to think of the past, hell, of all events, as kinds of ghosts? Am I haunting myself?

Bought a book on Nietzsche yesterday. Today I want to buy a book by Perec, tomorrow a book by someone else. I buy all of these books and glance at them only once. I don't know why. I just need them near me. They're the only things I feel comfortable buying. I don't regret amassing books. I'll keep them all. I'll read them if I feel like it. And if I never read a single page I'll feel good knowing that it's on call, just in case.

[Anonymous No.14878123]

[Anonymous No.14878141]

>>14877981
>watch, as I speak about myself whilst pretending I'm speaking about mankind

[Anonymous No.14878149]

>>14877787
>>14877802
Based
>>14877803
Based and genuine

[Anonymous No.14878266]

cringe incoming
still young, i have the potential to grow into an artist, i have the will... but instead of growing i sit on my ass, ive learned that the AP classes i’m in are actually fun when you have a genuine, open mind but i never fall into that idea, its always blocked by “the future valedictorians aren't invested, yet they’ll have a better grasp on the subject them i’ll ever have..” homework is all i do, and during my free time i waste away in books, on these awful websites, or in labyrinths of the most useless thoughts.. i never draw, i never write, i never play anything on the guitar.. i never express anything make anything.. i am making some progress, though, i think this journal is a step in the right direction

[Anonymous No.14878281]

>>14877751

[Anonymous No.14878290]

[Anonymous No.14878322]

>>14878266
>Having to put effort in to grasp concepts
Kwab

[Anonymous No.14878442]

I like to think some of my journal entries are smart even if they are pretentious. I intend nobody to ever read them but myself.

You would think after looking back and catching glimpse of the hundreds of millions of lives that have passed in and out of existence there is no breaking the rules, nothing that can be done to rectify the formula, nothing I can do to revolutionize what it means to be human, no words however clever to cleave apart all the hard facts and remold them into the objects of my will. The view that happiness is the conformation of reality to one's will is in chaos. How rare is it for reality to conform rather than the other way around; one is part of reality, of course, but by which I mean all those phenomena which are disconnected from my will and from which an unbridgable gulf exists between it that and my wishes.
There is a clear separation between what my immediate will can make happen and that which is beyond it. Intelligence is posited as that intermediary agency between these folds of the rift which closes the gap between the will and the desiderata of the world that call to it. Yet intelligence must work with something to deliver on its purpose. Resources, opportunities, the numerous openings and interfaces which bring forward desiderate and secures them in, sealing the rift between desire and the indifferent manifold of objects.

[Anonymous No.14878452]

[Anonymous No.14879455]

>>14877751
Bump

[Anonymous No.14879528]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY ARE GIRLS REPULSED BY ME

[Anonymous No.14879550]

>>14877751
>Being presented with a cancer diagnosis (a good one, even great one prognosis-wise), the oncologist suggested submitting a sperm sample in case there were fertility issues resulting from treatment. My first thought was to decline with, "Go fuck yourself."

[Anonymous No.14879684]

>>14877751
Who do I live for? What am i supposed to do here? Those are questions I would ask myself If i were a fucking pseud .. Yeah I can swear, Fuck. Shit and cum, Does She Like To FgAtt Shit; And Cum? Question mark, Question mark?

[Anonymous No.14879710]

>>14879684

[Anonymous No.14879756]

>>14877751
02/03/2020
Took a shit today.

[Anonymous No.14879764]

>>14879710
legitimate kek

[Anonymous No.14879942]

is this too schizophrenic? I try not to care when writing my journal, but if you just read this would you think schizophrenic hands typed it? genuinely concerned.


4:18 P.M.

Hmm... Montaigne had a long nose. Hmm... So did Kant. Hmm... Hume had a long nose as well. As did Goethe. And Guenon? Yes. Kierkegaard also? Maybe. Adam Smith? Yes, I think so. What could this mean? Could the length of one's nose be proportional to their intellectual abilities? Now, as the narcissist I am, I wonder where I fit in. I would say my nose resembles Kant's the most. Does this mean, then, that I am at Kant's level? Am I as smart as he is? (No, of course you aren't. Do you know how I know this? Read the list of names you've just written. Now tell me how many books by each of them you have read. Well... Ha! None! I knew it! You fool! (to be fair, I have read some Goethe...) You moron! That isn't enough! Furthermore, think of all the smart people with short noses! And think of all the morons with long noses! Think of yourself, is what I mean! (But my nose really looks like Kant's...) Enough! Quiet, you fool! You fiend! Quiet before I cut that damned nose off!)

[Anonymous No.14880376]

>>14879942
Monkey

[Anonymous No.14880382]

>>14880376
you fat whore. i've been waiting years for someone to respond, to confirm or deny my theory of nose-length-intelligence-correlation, and you respond by decrying my beloved? shame on you.

[Anonymous No.14880407]

>>14880382
Your theory looks written by the monkey in that pic

[Anonymous No.14880414]

>>14878001
I don’t know why but I like this.

[Anonymous No.14880416]

>>14878266
Not that cringe. My advice? Just pick up and do some things you want to do. Just sit down and draw.

[Anonymous No.14880424]

>>14880407
that does not discount it (nor does it prove it true)

[Anonymous No.14880429]

>>14879942
Not schizophrenic, no.

[Anonymous No.14880432]

3/12/20
i put on new tyres today and the back blew out one me.
in a fit of crying and loneliness i deleted elsa's number and our texts for good a few days ago. i have no way of reaching her now. ive been thinking recently about my life now that my last friend has left me. she goes out with her other friends on the weekend but only hangs out with me when shes on campus. she never responds to my texts. its my fault for losing her, were not best friends but i treat her like one just cause i have no one else to talk to. i dont even like her that much. not even my own family respond to my text messages. my mother and my sister couldnt be fucked.
i walked into lecture and took a seat at the front, only to see elsa and her friends gesturing me to come over. so i sat beside elsa. she doesnt know about my fits ofc. for a few hours everything was normal i guess. i couldnt keep my mind off of how much of a freak i am. her friends complimented my hair which was appreciated. nobody laughed at my jokes, i tried showing elsa a funny pic about bicycles and she responded "oh". i also obnoxiously laughed at something i shouldnt have but who gives a fuck. i mainly just blended in with them, laughed at their jokes, participated in their conversations. ive realized my value is little to none
i could propbably get with her friend jamie, and shes cute too, better looking than elsa and megan. im out of all three of their leagues but she reminds me of myself when i was a whore. just get a fucking life. i wish i had the courage to kms but im so afraid of hell. i have no place in this world. my personality is garbage, fuck i wouldnt want to be my friend. i dont know how to fix this its torture. i just want friends.

thats the interesting bit the rest is 1.5 pages of bicycle mechanic shit

[Anonymous No.14880433]

>>14880429
even the part where I have a hostile dialogue with myself? maybe i'll post something more schizophrenic.

[Anonymous No.14881433]

Awareness of procrastination-enabling thoughts, like for example the feeling that the task will be unpleasant, is a good way to deal with analyze the situation on the basis of "it's 40% habit bro"

[Anonymous No.14881447]

>>14878266
I feel the same way anon

[Anonymous No.14881460]

I write poetry to cope with sudden feelings of inadequacy and of being a failure
They sometimes turn out to be something completely different than what I was feeling when I wrote them
Writing them makes me feel good because it makes you feel like you're solving your issues by confronting them
You never really do though, but you can keep writing forever

[Anonymous No.14881486]

>>14879942
I've once thought of something similar; that people with crooked/roman/aquiline/jewish noses tend to be smarter or more perceptive, or so it seems.

[Anonymous No.14881501]

From a few weeks ago.

I thought I wasn’t lonely, but apparently paying for nudes on Onlyfans and having a genuine conversation with her was filling a hole I didn’t know was there, in addition to creating one in my bank account. I had to delete my account because it was getting to expensive, but now I miss talking to her. I guess it’s true about not knowing what you’ve got until it’s gone, but also you don’t know what’s missing until you experience it, no matter how fleeting that experience may be. I still use the images daily, perhaps due to the tenuous connection they provide to anything even vaguely resembling a relationship, which is an absurd leap of course, but also because they weren’t cheap. I feel like I have to pound my testes in to a paste so frequently that I’m effectively making it a “cost per wank” situation and if I don’t do it enough I’ve wasted my money.

And this is why nobody must ever find my diary.

[Anonymous No.14881647]

>>14881501
What the actual fuck bro is that true

[Anonymous No.14882005]

[Anonymous No.14882094]

>>14882005
based symbolism

[Anonymous No.14882098]

>>14881501
Hire a prostitute bruh

[Anonymous No.14882112]

>>14881501
be aware that women can cast "sex magic" on you just like that.

[Anonymous No.14882147]

>>14882112
What's that bro