/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.14750082]

>The library dwarf escaped the 4th floor via the ventilation system.
>He’s loose.

[Anonymous No.14750092]

>calmly reading whitehead in the library
>suddenly hear small-lunged shushing from behind me

[Anonymous No.14750116]

>>14750082
>Browsing /lit/
>I see a worthless, off-topic thread such as this one
>My reaction does not change since it is such a common occurence.

[Anonymous No.14750118]

>entire chapter of book is dedicated to explaining to me how my life is a pathetic cope
>one page is my full name and address repeated a hundred times

[Anonymous No.14750121]

>>14750082
>Book goblin is tearing out pages again

[Anonymous No.14750128]

>>14750116
These threads are still better than the pseudo-political posts, pseudo-philosophical posts and the blog posts that plague this board.

[Anonymous No.14750133]

>>14750116
Yes, perhaps if you are lucky enough you will turn this light-hearted off-topic thread providing an opportunity for original comedic writing exercises involving serious discussions of obviously absurd and fictional features of libraries, including the "library dwarf," into today's dozenth meta-thread complaining about the state of the board

[Anonymous No.14750141]

>The hunters are surrounding the jungle
>my niggas are surrounding them

[Anonymous No.14750188]

>>14750133
They've clearly exerted their originality so far.

[Anonymous No.14750211]

>as I reach for The Republic a poison dart hits my hand
>high-pitched cackling fills my ears as a I lose consciousness
>it will be hours before anyone finds me down here

[Anonymous No.14750761]

>one of the hawks escaped the aviary and got into the kinoplex showers

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !!oI3er5KKetj No.14750770]

>>14750128

[Anonymous No.14750789]

>>14750082
Not this cr*p again

[Anonymous No.14750800]

>>14750082
>Librarian made me ass fuck her in the mystery section again

[Anonymous No.14750918]

>>14750082
>the manlet gestapo confiscate my copy of Critique of Pure Reason
>they let me go with a warning
>mfw I’m 5’11.5

[Anonymous No.14752611]

>>14750118
just btfo the author by moving and changing yout name

[Anonymous No.14752626]

Is this the /lit/ version of /tv/s cinema (kinoplex) threads?

[Anonymous No.14753690]

>Drag Queen Story time and designated shooter times got mixed up again

[Anonymous No.14753699]

>>14750118
Based Harry Haller

[Anonymous No.14754103]

>confined to the Fine Room long enough to spend the night
>have to choose between civil defense cots and theater troupe sarcophagi

[Anonymous No.14754141]

>query text in Dewey Decimal
>"Special Collections"
>Line winds past References, Large Format and the Cartography Room
>Female patrons are clogging the foot baths and shoe cubicles with lingering selfies and chants of "book squad" mottos

[Anonymous No.14754151]

>>14750118
my diary desu

[Anonymous No.14754157]

>>14750082
yes
YES

[Anonymous No.14754280]

>Women's library is at maximum capacity so female members are lead through the Premium section's
dividers
>Quiet reading room polluted by vibratory buzzings and streamer donation notifications
>Gardasil syringes and Plan B wrappers used as bookmarks in detriment to binding
>Public health-cross trained librarians confiscate half the catalog to fumigate it from girl germs and snizzy cooties

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !bNiZs4tS9c No.14754292]

>>14754151
quim

>>14754157
quiff

>>14754280
smell my vag

[Anonymous No.14754347]

>>14752626
Where life imitates satire.

[Anonymous No.14754465]

>ask the librarian where the Kant is
>she points into the stacks and tells me to keep going until I find it
>I start walking down the stacks but it's all just woman-oriented genre fiction
>keep going until I cant see the front desk anymore but it's still all the same stuff
>make several turns and forget my way
>I'm lost and the only books I've yet to see are YA novels and pseudo-poetry for girls
>no cell service and cant climb the stacks because they go all the way to the ceiling
>occasionally run into other stragglers who are similarly lost and looking for actual literature
>we trade what we have in our pockets and go our separate ways
>lose track of time but it's definitely been at least a day and I'm beginning to get thirsty
>come across an older man who claims to have been lost in the stacks for decades looking for Fichte
>ask him what hes eaten
>he tries to bash my head with a rupi kaur novel but I get the upper hand and strangle him
>dinner is served
>the deeper I get into the stacks the more often this happens until eventually every encounter becomes a kill-or-be-killed fight to the death
>this deep into the stacks the men are wild and bloodthirsty but the books are still all the same: genre fiction
>eventually I stop coming across other men and subsist off of bits of leftover manmeat in my skinbag
>begin hearing clawing and faint giggling from the other side of the bookcases
>every once in awhile I turn a corner and glimpse a large shadowy figure for a second before it darts behind another stack
>lights begin to get dimmer until theres no more fluorescent lights on the ceiling
>I dont know where it is but it knows where I am

[Anonymous No.14754659]

>>14754465
Share ubication

[Anonymous No.14754679]

>>14754465
>>he tries to bash my head with a rupi kaur novel but I get the upper hand and strangle him

Would be too light to do any physical damage. Old man deserves what he got.

[Anonymous No.14754703]

>>14750082
I don't get it

[Anonymous No.14754900]

>>14750770
>tripfag
>prefers taking his pseudointellectual drivel too seriously to light-hearted banter
pottery

[Anonymous No.14754913]

>>14754679
I'm concerned that the old man survived that long when that was his move

[Anonymous No.14755000]

>>14754151
why is it still funny after all these years?

[Anonymous No.14755011]

>>14755000
repetition, it is a rule of comedy