Write What's on Your Mind

[Anonymous No.14717239]

Man loves order, and where he finds none, he brings it to life, he spreads a thin cloth over chaos, for better or worse. Life is not white or black, but grey, or if you prefer it: colourful. Nevertheless many thoughtful minds look at purity, finality, ultimate goals as things to be achieved. Life, in their understanding, is a constant ascent toward something, a means to an end. All too often the ascent fails because the goal has been set the wrong way. It would be more appropriate to view the ascent, the attempt to reach the goal, as life's goal itself; the purpose of life as "getting closer without ever reaching it", a failed project, that nevertheless has enough splendour to be pursued for its own sake. The finish line is crossed with the first step that one takes, but one has to keep going to remain in the race, or else be kicked out of enjoying the victory lap. Purpose is not a final goal that can be reached, but a process that can be partaken in. The focus lies, naturally, not on moving toward something, but on movement itself. Just like in Skyrim or Fallout 3.

[Anonymous No.14717431]

>>14717239
medical entrance exam in just over a week.. have been preparing for 6 months now and still feel somewhat unprepared, getting 90+%ile on practice tests which is pretty great but i still can't convince myself that i am able, self doubt is pretty much the story of my life
i think living life thinking of myself as a worthless loser has convinced me forever that i'll never amount to anything, even if there's clear signs of ability
i just hope i don't choke on the day, because even though in the back of my head i've got some hint of confidence, the voice in my head always beats me

[Anonymous No.14718783]

“Welcome back.”

“You’re making dinner, dad?”

“Yeah, the kids wore themselves out playing and passed out, and it sounded like you’d be home late.”

“And the painting? Have you made progress with the painting?”

“Oh, actually I seem to be in a bit of a slump.”

“...I don’t know anything more about art than what I’ve read in texbooks, but are you really a painter?”

“That’s a little painful to hear from you. It’s not as if my painting puts food on the table, but…”

“It’s not about whether it puts food on the table or not. You’re off work and the kids are asleep. If you’re a painter, shouldn’t you be using this time to paint?”

“Well… A painting isn’t something you can just poke at when you get a spare moment. Besides, doesn’t it make your life easier if dinner is already done?”

“In Akutagawa’s ‘Hell Screen’ a painter had to paint his own daughter being burned alive. That’s a pretty awful thing to do, as both a painter and a father.”

“You’d hate me if I did that to you, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course I would, but… If you’re an artist and painter, you should paint despite the hate it earns you. Even in spare moments, even if your daughter hates you, you should paint. If you won’t paint, then choose a different path. Do you want to be an artist or a good father?”

“I don’t think it’s impossible to be both of those things.”

“Do you have the talent necessary to manage both?”

“Well…”

“You won’t establish yourself as a painter, but as a father, you only work half the week as a contractor. That just makes you a lousy father hoping to earn compensation for your youngest daughter.”

The pot began to boil over.

[Anonymous No.14719132]

>tfw I frequently drink at a somewhat nice hotel bar in my city
>have gotten to know most of the bartenders and many of the waitresses there pretty well
>am enough of a regular that I hit it off really well with them because they know how I often behave
>one waitress was a little closed off at first but she and I have really hit it off recently
>genuinely seems to like my company and feel joy whenever we're close
>have exchanged playful kisses a few times
>tfw she doesn't work tomorrow (Valentine's Day) but she does work tonight
>tfw I'm going to show up tonight and give her a single red rose

Wish me luck, boys.

[Anonymous No.14719139]

>>14719132

Don't do it, you stupid fuck. That's the worst fucking idea I've ever heard.

[Anonymous No.14719150]

>>14719139
What should I do instead?

[Anonymous No.14719157]

>>14719150

Straight up fucking ask her what she's doing for Valentine's Day and if it's nothing, ask her on a date.

[Anonymous No.14719158]

Here's my metaphysics from a sci-fi/fantasy work in progress.

Matter - A Central vortex of ether. Composed of finely woven spiralae it forms a spherical shape with a twist through the middle. The spiralae are nothing but flows of life force in constant flux. The most fundamental particle is a Preote.

Astral Rays - Undulations of unadulterated cosmic force. A radiant wave spread throughout the expanse of all space. Matter itself is the center of these waves, a standing spherical wave produced by oscilations between ingoing and outgoing motions. They pulsate and produce the effect of gravity, a vast web of threads.

Aetheric Plane - - A static sea of latent possibility from which Astral Rays are continuously unfolding. It is described by seers as countless tissues of overflowing transculence. A multidimensional space, a fractal from each side.

Akashic Record - A non-local pure information field of the past, present and future. The possible configurations of the cosmos are engendered here. They organize and influence the path which matter takes. It also holds the key to fate, or the most likely outcome of events.

[Anonymous No.14719161]

>>14719157
You're right. Thanks Anon.

[Anonymous No.14719171]

>>14717239
Every time I try to get my thoughts down I cringe, it's like the ideas that seem so well formed in my head disintegrate as soon as they hit the page and become the thought of someone despicably other from me.

[Anonymous No.14719334]

Try screaming. Blood-curdling roars, shrieks, death rattles, rock-star howls. I was walking home a little drunk late last night and just felt like screaming. Incidentally I was next to a police station and a cop walked out and glared at me. (Jokes on him, screaming is not a crime.) It feels incredibly good to roar--as if you are sending a shock wave that topples all the artificiality and fragile civility in the world and entering a liberating primal state. Primality is joy.

[Anonymous No.14719349]

Screaming is especially effective in cities, because it is impossible to disturb the peace. The city itself is a disruption of peace. Scream now young man! Let it out...

[Anonymous No.14719352]

I came to the conclusion that Seneca is right about everything.

[Anonymous No.14719356]

New culture isn't being produced, it's just recycled old culture. Everything is a repost of a repost.

[Anonymous No.14719416]

>>14719356
I remember back in the day when I loved anime. It got me into reading books.

[Anonymous No.14719641]

My soul needs a refresher. It is damaged like a sunburn in need of a cool snowflake-flecked breeze. Habits and familiar surrounds cling to me like so much grime, tarnishing my silver. How much a better man I would be if I were operating at 100%, without suffering these inner divisions and more so divisions between self and world.

[Anonymous No.14719706]

I have bipolar II, and im realizing now that the only thing I really need out of life is to be hypomanic as often and as long as possible.

and yet, all my therapist can do for me is tell me how to endure depression

[Anonymous No.14720321]

I wish i was born in Genghis Khan's horde or something, just spending my life killing and raping, fuck this shitty modern existance

[Anonymous No.14720396]

>>14720321
Books for this feel?

[Anonymous No.14720401]

>>14720321
I suddenly want that too, fuck me

[Anonymous No.14720459]

>>14719706
I feel ya bro. Those hypomanic joyrides can be extremely productive and positive. I had a good month long one last year and I basically spent 3 hours in the gym every day and wrote some pretty weird avant-garde poetry while I was at it. Also I got loads of ass because I'm very outgoing and charismatic and love to fuck with people when I'm like that. (It goes to show that sometimes you're just three short conversations away from getting what you want from almost any stranger.) That life beyond life and health beyond health cannot be simulated by stimulants. Add to this all the dazzling mystical visions I was having of the universe shifting under my feet and over my head and it's an experience to be missed.

The catch is that it is unsustainable. You will eventually shade over to full blown manic psychosis if it goes on for ever. You overheat or something.

Also word to the wise: be wary of seroquel, the anti-psychotic drug the shrinks use as standard treatment for bipolar. It is a truly vile and worthless medication that has no redeeming qualities other than as a sleep aid. It will see you put on 20 pounds and lose your spark.

[Anonymous No.14720486]

After struggling hard against it for the better part of five years, I am finally getting a handle on cooming. My urges to view erotic material are down significantly; in particular, I feel much less compulsion to read erotic stories, which have always been the things I was most likely to jerk off to, far more than images or videos. My urge to masturbate is also down significantly, I basically do it once a month or less at this point. I'm trying to cut it out entirely.

That said, I do still have impure thoughts. Just now I was filled with a powerful urge to jerk off. I wasn't even looking at anything or thinking about anything erotic; I was actually just reading some theology. But all of a sudden I felt the urge to fap, out of nowhere. I suppose it's something I'll always struggle with in some capacity.

[Anonymous No.14720623]

I'd been too comfortable and hadn't known it, a lulling rhythm had been my days, even if it didn't feel that way. In a moment, a retroactive realization, the ugly faced me, and I woke up again. Now to steer the ship right again, and inevitably, I'll reach fog, and the process repeats, until it doesn't.

[Anonymous No.14720819]

>>14719171
I have this exact same problem, I tend to write something and then either halfway through or when I'm done I just delete/erase it because I see it as absolute shit

[Anonymous No.14720968]

After six or so sessions of seeing a therapist I made the mistake of asking her about a diagnosis. I said I had an idea of what was wrong with me but wasn’t sure it was right. She said she doesn’t like to think in terms of a diagnosis, but prefers to just talk through issues, etc. I think she was upset that I brought it up and will hold it against me.

[Anonymous No.14721148]

I am obessesed with having fewer and fewer things, also fewer and fewer things to do. I want to only own THE book, I want to have nothing to do, I want to have no pressure of due dates and deadlines, essentially I want total freedom, utterly freedom, complete lack of stress BECAUSE stree is, in fact, a function of your environment.

YOU CANNOT MEDITATE YOUR WAY OUT OF AN INHUMAN CRUSH OF EXISTENCE

What does opting out look like? to what extent? where? how? sin is sickening me, it is revolting me, i feel compassion for others but for myself? can't shake the feeling the clock is ticking, ticking, even in escape i feel the creep of the same INTERNAL DOMINATION, I am not dominated by a master but by internal compulsion to "do" to "be" to "succeed". I want to be like Oblomov, I want to do nothing, I want to think nothing, I want to enter into the NEW. the tedium is slowly grating at something deeep deeeeep down....deep deep down. around the poor and miserable i feel more at ease, I feel more like they relate to the constant turnover, movement, unceasing internal noise. will i be a prophet? i feel like Ezekiel in the valley of the bones.

[Anonymous No.14721193]

sucks getting old

i am so shit at counterstrike now...reaction time, awareness, etc...all so much declined. i can only imagine how this translates to reading ability.

[Anonymous No.14721232]

>>14720819
what's our way out anon? not being able to express all my pent up emotions artistically makes me feel really bad

[Anonymous No.14721269]

black triplet girls with downs syndrome, 21yo, very hot bods. talent for multiple screeching squirting orgasms. Their jewish friend helps them set up a business where they charge $1200/hr for the 3 of them and get more business than they can handle, getting rich doing something they love and that their clients love them for. one day, one of them is murdered by the local mexican lesbian in a fit of jealous rage. the story becomes mainstream. "white men force black special needs girls into sex slavery" activism ensues. lost without their sister, the other 2 suicide via autoerotic asphyxiation, entering heaven with their dying orgasms.

[Anonymous No.14721545]

I need to get my shit together
read more
write more
work out more
A gf would be nice

[Anonymous No.14721654]

Two Valentine’s Day thoughts

1. Despite going through the whole painful journey of oneitisism, trying to rationalize my way out of it, and getting “blackpilled”, I still in my heart of hearts yearn for a rosy, idealistic young love. I can’t get it out of my head, I dream about it, it slips into my writing, I think about in the evenings when I’m sitting alone in my room like I am now. The only difference from when I was younger is that instead of being a suicidal angst it’s now just a wistful longing.

2. I’m always discouraged when I do try to find romance by how...dull for lack of a better word most women I meet are. And the ones that aren’t painfully generic are always clearly mentally unstable. I may be a total weirdo but I’m not a lunatic. I don’t want a yandere gf. You could argue that they’re just not showing their interesting qualities publicly because of societal pressure, but the problem remains: where do I meet interesting women? Since I’ve had no luck IRL I’ve been trying to meet more people online (god knows that’s where you’re going to find someone whose life resembles my own), but it feels like the chances of actually spinning a relationship out of it are minimal. Fortunately, if there’s one good aspect about my life right now it’s mobility, so even if my hypothetical internet gf lives on the other side of the planet I could still go to her. I have no ties.

[Anonymous No.14721818]

I have a pathological need for lasting fame and success. It's brought me nothing but trouble, and will probably be the cause of my inevitable suicide.

articles I've read tell me to take up hobbies for the sake of pleasure, instead of external validation, but that need is so deeply engrained I can't imagine being happy doing something unless I feel like I'm good at it.

[Anonymous No.14722236]

Is it ending?
Is it over?

[Anonymous No.14722246]

Just wrote this note to myself on my phone. Does anyone share this feeling?
>Fundamental premise: this world is shit, people are shit, it’s all garbage. This is the garbage universe, the plebeian universe, the stupid universe—it is constituted as such at its core, on the “axiomatic” level. There may be other, parallel universes out there that are constituted along different lines, but this one is endemically idiotic, ridiculous, absurd. This cannot be changed. You may also be ridiculous to an extent, but I don’t think you are *fundamentally* so. You are probably a wanderer from one of the more serious universes, which is why you are so out of place in this one.
>It makes no sense to be indignant at the stupidities of this universe. To be indignant supposes that it can be changed. In this universe it cannot. Perhaps in another one, but not in this one. This universe is the one which is stupid at bottom, at its root. To uproot that stupidity would be to abolish this universe.

[Anonymous No.14722289]

I saw someone die today. Some homeless dude. Probably overdosed on something. They tried to recover him, but he was a goner. He had his eyes wide open and an ecstatic smile stuck on his face. My only thought was: "You're free now, my brother". I was kind of happy for him. Finit blog post.

[Anonymous No.14722422]

>>14718783
This dialogue is atrocious and you should honestly delete it

[Anonymous No.14722928]

What is particular about the writing style of the greats? In words personality, and in personality world. The world is reflected in the person, and the person in the word. What has been flows over, from comprehension into the word, and from the word into foreign comprehension. In this way the past is reproduced, becomes present as a fragment of human life in the person born after –– Döblin in the whirl of modernity. Time stamps him like wax. The imprinting in turn becomes visible in the word. The fragmentary, assembly-line-like nature of the world enters into him, and through him into the word, and to us. Two tones converge, as in throat singing: a human voice and the manifested echo of time.

[Anonymous No.14723072]

>>14721232
Not the anon you replied to, but I have the same problem. The answer is just work at it, I suppose. Sometimes I'm able to come up with something I am genuinely happy with and I feel has meaning, but it's usually heaped in among a whole bunch of trash I've also written. Oh well, I guess we keep trying.

[Anonymous No.14723322]

at least in my books I want to appear confident, want to prove my courage. for the speaker, attitude is more important than what has been said. and so it is with the writer. in life depressed and quiet, in work self-confident and pious. the one place where fantasy and reality merge and become indistinguishable, where lost possibilities are revived.

[Anonymous No.14723819]

I get the urge to masturbate whenever I read anything written by Dostoevsky. Just seeing the characters getting humiliated and flustered really gets me. I wish I had a Rogozhin bf.

[Anonymous No.14723872]

What disease do I have if I literally refuse to add a song to a Spotify playlist if it has remastered tags, etc. in the title of the song or album? Is anyone else like this? Largely for reasons like this, I generally don't use Spotify and slsk everything, but I do like the convenience of making and sharing playlists, which I can still do on the free version. I know this is /mu/slim territory but I can't stand going there.

[Anonymous No.14723947]

Does anyone else really regret their educational choices? I went to a very large corporate style state Uni where everything revolves around sports, beer, politics, and money. I studied an extremely normie field. I like school and education and I feel like I totally missed out on it. I just wish I could go back and start over.

[Anonymous No.14723965]

>>14723819
>dostoevsky protagonist begins kissing woman's feet for the sixth time

[Anonymous No.14724064]

>>14717239
philosophy is for the most part smart people making the assumption that any model they might contemplate is riding on top of language. all models are parallel, one degree from experience. language will never accomplish anything that contextualizes experience. thinking it can is circular logic.

[Anonymous No.14724090]

>>14720486
u a priest?

[Anonymous No.14724109]

>tfw blackpilled
Just got a yearly BLACKED.COM subscription!

[Anonymous No.14724142]

He he I'm really bored rn

[Anonymous No.14724249]

In certain sullen moments I wouldn't mind if this place was devastated in a white-hot nuclear blast. With me in it if necessary. Purge the snakes. Obliterate the lowlifes into vaporous atomic wisps. Drive it all crashing into dust. So that a new world can be born.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeroe3obM64

[Anonymous No.14724250]

my friend had a car and his older brother was a dealer
so he would pick me up and we would do ketamine and weed after school. then when his parents left town every 2 weeks
we would throw parties and fuck chicks from close by high schoolers and some college students
we got some cheap instruments off craiglist and that summer we started a shitty punk and played 4 live shows before losing all motivation cause we were doing really shitty in life
i fucked up my gpa so bad that year that my mom was rdy to kick me out
then i did some meth by accident and pretty much cried like a baby cause i thought i was dying
my friend and i got into it. because his parents found 3 grams of weed under his bed and he said he was holding it for me. i got into trouble for that shit :( and my mom sent me to live with my grandma after i turned 17
my friend apologized but it was too late
now im 24 and depressed af. working two shitty jobs and going to school for architecture. getting cucked by 19-21 girls who fuck the whole diy scene. cause their parents are loaded
i love bulldzoers btw

[Anonymous No.14724344]

I'm weak and i'm constantly looking for things to hate. People to hate. Why though ?

[Anonymous No.14725020]

I wish my pp was bigger.
I know that in straight sex, a big shlong isn't so much of an advantage physically, but it would just be such a confidence boost.
Every time I show it to a girl for the first time, I'm ashamed.

[Anonymous No.14725029]

>>14725020
>tfw have big pp but no one to show it to
your situation could be worse, anon

[Anonymous No.14725090]

>>14725029
I think that if I had a big one, I would fuck 24/7.
maybe a good thing I don't

[Anonymous No.14725979]

>>14717239
I notice that I'm terrible at quick wit and irl articulation. When someone disagrees and argues with me my brain temporarily jumbles up. I'm concerned over how stupid this has made, and will make me look.

[Anonymous No.14726038]

Happy Valentine's Day, anons!
pic related

[Anonymous No.14726078]

>>14725020
someone mentioned to me once that the reason women think Adam Driver is cute is because he has big dick energy. Ever since then, I've been thinking, "fuck you, Adam Driver!"
or maybe he has an innie, too ;_;
no offense if you're reading this, adam. no bully intended

[Anonymous No.14727029]

Black tie is cool and men need to go back to wearing it more often. Even if you're ugly it looks good on you.

[Anonymous No.14727154]

Valentine's Haiku:
Walking alone in the cold
One sad rose lays on the ground
Quite soon it will freeze

[Anonymous No.14727156]

Corruption is good because it punishes the apathetic or ignorant people who allow it to exist.

[Anonymous No.14727341]

The idea of being able to fit all my possessions in one pack that I travel around with appeals to me, I don’t know if I’d be able to do it though. Anyway, traveling light really is a nice feeling.

[Anonymous No.14727717]

How do I read more? I have very good comprehension but I’m a very slow reader. I have so many books I want to read but they all take me so long.

[Anonymous No.14727806]

I WANT A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND
But I don't want to go through all the effort of finding one and maintaining the relationship and pretending I care and doing bullshit activities I don't want a girlfriend at all except I do.

[Anonymous No.14728116]

What am I to make of the fact that I have frequently, repeatedly been mistaken for a woman online? As in, when I post on forums and message boards, including here on 4chan, over the years I have more than once been accused of being female. What does it mean to "post like a woman"? Especially because I definitely don't do the "Tee hee, I'm a girl online" thing, because I am actually not a girl at all.

[Anonymous No.14728128]

>>14728116
Are you passive aggressive? Do you insult by appealing to social norms and call people incel?

[Anonymous No.14728130]

>>14728116
Does it also happen when you don't post anime pictures along your posts? If not, then you've found the problem, but if so, it means you lack mastery over logic and prefer to argue emotionally rather than dialetically.

[Anonymous No.14728134]

>>14717239
You're on my mind. Can you stop making this thread? Thanks, buddy.

[Anonymous No.14728138]

>>14717239
The internet has made me all of the youth of the West and East profoundly sick, and the worst thing is that we can't do anything about this latent addiction either without the world coming to a halt. Pre-internet culture feels as its been centuries past, and with the speed that culture travels through the world nowadays, there is none, no more movements since the stock of everything rises and falls in an instant, nothing.

Huxley could not have thought of such a narcotic for life in his wildest dreams

[Anonymous No.14728191]

I'm getting more metal by the minute. It's quickly become the only thing I listen to, pushing aside all more paltry and unworthy music. Other music now just strikes me as unforgivably soft. When once I would merely resent pop music, now I have to hold back vomit.

I was looking at myself in the window of the train late in the night the other day and I'm not sure if it was a trick of the light accentuating the circles under my eyes but there were two black holes were my eyes were in the reflection. How perfectly fitting, I thought. I abhor weakness, more so in myself than in others. Now I know a music which articulates precisely how I feel. Underneath it all we're just as much savages as the blood-caked barbarians from which we descend. Everyone alive is descended from a murderer, a conquerer, a profaner of another's sanctity. The one difference in the world today is that those in power PRETEND it is otherwise. Why should I be spoonfed visual and aural lies of a world at peace with itself?

In the same way you could say that such depictions of cutesy peacefulness and harmony are more wicked than those which depict the rotten underbelly of existence. Because they LIE. Just as how one could say Hilary Clinton would have been worse than Trump in a way, because she presumes to be righteous despite her viperous and deceitful nature. Such people will be trusted and placed in positions of righteousness and that is far worse in the scheme of things. That in itself is the perfect metaphor for modern culture: adorable commercials and plastic propaganda obscuring the vast scale of systematic and rationalized cruelty.

[Anonymous No.14728192]

>>14728138
Damn...the angel of history looks like THAT???

[Anonymous No.14728634]

I'm creating a political ideology that combines Social Darwinism and theocracy.

[Anonymous No.14728672]

>>14724344
Its easier to project your hate on outer things than trully hate yourself.

[Anonymous No.14728692]

The moment after I sleep with a woman and she begins to show any level of affection towards me, I grow immediately repulsed. It's like a switch flicks in me. It's so instantaneous and outside of my control. I go from desiring her incessantly, to literally repulsed by her scent. The smell will haunt me and I'm scrubbing it off in the shower for days after.

Why am I like this? I read once that this common amongst men neglected by their mothers.

[Anonymous No.14728706]

>>14728116
I get told this too and its because I tend to type in a youthful vernacular. As in I say things like "like" and "so" etc. because that's how the people around me speak. The autists online don't realise that this isn't a feminine trait and in fact endears you to the people around you.

[Anonymous No.14728713]

>>14728116
It means you are cute and in the regime of genderless aristocracy I will use your asshole as I please.

[Anonymous No.14728720]

Is there a political ideology allowing suicide but not abortion? I'm interested in something that gives direct free choice of oneself (can kill yourself, do any drugs, etc.) but not direct free choice concerning other life (like abortion, death penalty, polluting environment of animal or plant, etc.).

[Anonymous No.14728730]

I have committed myself to being a writer. I spent so long worrying it wouldn't be able now I'm here and I'm not sure I want it.

[Anonymous No.14728736]

>>14722246
>OMG I was born in the wrong univeeeerse
is that the new "I was born in the wrong generation"?

[Anonymous No.14728741]

>>14728692
Sex good
Emotion bad

[Anonymous No.14728746]

Need to piss but don't want to leave my room because I can't be fucked to interact with my roommate. Thinking of pissing out my bedroom window instead. It's raining outside so it would just wash away anyway.

[Anonymous No.14728778]

My first book is set to come out in April.

I had the option between going with a British publisher or publishing it myself. Initially, I was completely averse to the idea of dumping my work into the sea of mediocrity that is Amazon, but after doing hours upon hours of research, I've come to realize that if you see it more as a business endeavour than a creative one, there is plenty of room for success. You guys might not know this, but it takes, on average, a year to get a book to market after you've signed the contract. For more topical or commercial work like mine, that's a death sentence. Your joke is already old the moment your name appears on that shelf.

I'm at a make-or-break moment in my life. I'm 24, degree-less, working a shitty teaching job to fund this thing. But there's a genuine thrill to chasing a dream with this much passion.

[Anonymous No.14728848]

Were I like the others, I would have been too ordinary. As I am, I am too lonely. What gives? Am I supposed to bear this for a whole life-time? Is there no escape?

[Anonymous No.14728851]

>>14728778
literature is said to be news that stays news. how does your book expire after a year?

[Anonymous No.14728855]

>>14728746
what's wrong with your roommate?

[Anonymous No.14728863]

>>14728851
Comedic/pop literature has an incredibly brief shelf life. The shortest out of any genre. Novels are eternal.

[Anonymous No.14728884]

>>14728855
I wish I could tell you. I feel like a horrible person but I hate him with an unbridled passion. He hasn't done anything wrong, but he wastes his life, he plays video games all day and is horribly out of shape. He stomps down the hall and I hate the fucking way his neck cranes forward and the way his back slouches. I hate the way he is content with spending the entirety of his day playing video games while working only 2 days a week in a dead end job. When he speaks to me he is always very friendly, but it seems insincere, like he's speaking from a script. I don't think it is insincere, but it's like he says things because he thinks he's meant to say them. I would rather him say nothing at all. Whenever he asks me how my day was I want to punch him in the throat. The other day he walked past me and I felt so much anger that once he was just out of sight I threw all my shit at the wall. But he is a normal guy, very congenial, and very nice to me. Typing all this out makes me feel like a psycho, but I don't really regret how I feel. I don't know why I hate him, but I feel like if I live with him any longer I'm going to do something bad to one of us.

[Anonymous No.14728896]

>>14728884
Doesnt seem like a bad guy

[Anonymous No.14728918]

>>14724064

based and "juststopthinking"pilled

[Anonymous No.14728971]

I am truly at my freest when I am a bit crazy. "Crazy" Is such a flimsy term. Crazy in relation to what? In terms of some locus of control. If my behavior is not crazy in reference to my own executive faculty, then how can I be labeled as behaving abnormally?
When my imagination overtakes reality, when my brain must assault a problem like a dragon, when I am incensed with lust and sleeplessness, when I am blind with a divine frenzy: any force that denies that is merely SOMETHING TRYNG TO TAKE OVER. It does not like that I am daring to live my life without artificial boundaries.

What is sane? Perfidious systems of industrialized habit. Commuting. Standing in line like a good boy. Nonesense and nothing but a means to train you to accept submisison.

What is beyond it all? A universe writhing with infinite possibilities and which I can screw with. There is so much to do! So much havoc to indulge in. I am ashamed of every moment I spent sulking in inhibited sadness and depression. Dionysus must be in the ascendant or life is forfeit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PCxxGaPo9E

[Anonymous No.14728996]

>>14728971
>If my behavior is not crazy in reference to my own executive faculty
if I don't see my own behavior as crazy and instead find enjoyment in it? Why should I be denied this fundamental right to follow my bent?

[Anonymous No.14729007]

Your schizophrenic parody
of clarity's unclear to me
it seems you hold sincerity
like fallen leaves unfit for trees
yet each descending breath you breathe
disguises ease with words to please
I wonder when you'll finally
come clean to me on what you need

[Anonymous No.14729020]

Anybody ever feel the overwhelming desire to be beat up? Not in a masochistic way, just a feeling like you need the lights knocked out of you?

[Anonymous No.14729021]

I either assert my own will or the will of the world will take over. "A man must be a slave to his own system or another's" to paraphrase Goethe.

[Anonymous No.14729559]

I do miss college to a degree. My last year was mostly small seminar classes and I got to work closely with some cool professors. I still kind of want to go to grad school but it’s hard to justify when it wouldn’t really advance my career and when professorship placement rates in my field (maths) are abysmal. It’s also sad how little of what I studied I actually still use anymore in my life, though I guess I’m fortunate to be able to apply it at all.

[Anonymous No.14729828]

All the laws in the world only exist as a sort of compromise between the state and normal society. We surrender certain liberties in order to prevent bad people from doing the wrong things to the wrong people. But at what cost? How much can we surrender before we can't take back what we have given? That, to me, is the most important part of political discussion regarding safety, law and order. People love to use mass-shootings as a sort of smoke-screen in order to push for more government control. This is the reason that we all can't have guns. But most people in this society would not be any different if they had a gun, and if everyone had a gun, would the rate of violence increase? I think it's useless to quote stats on violence broken down by the type of weapon that's carrying out the crime, would a killer choose to stop what he's doing just cause he doesn't have the ideal arms to carry out the deed?
Perhaps it has more to do with the culture surrounding the violence more so than the arms used to carry out the violence. In my home country of sweden, the rate of violence is escalating to an absurd point, and few of these crimes are carried out with guns. There is an insidious aspect within the culture of the gettos and slums where most of these crimes take place. The culture they harbour does not feel guilt over being arrested. This means that the inherent threat of violence in the system has broken down to the point were the lamb no longer fears it's own slaughter.

[Anonymous No.14729855]

I just found out this guy I’ve been talking to is definitely a virgin and I’m losing my mind about how badly I want to take his virginity. I can’t stop fantasizing about how fumbling and nervous he’d be, how he wouldn’t know where to put his hands. Something about it is so erotic, that if he DID touch me it would be because of how he felt about my body, not because he was trying to make me feel good, because it’s not like he would know how anyway. He’d be hard just from sitting next to me. I have this narrative I keep running through, about coming to his city, meeting him somewhere for coffee, holding his hand across the table. Driving back to his house and touching his shoulder, gently, or his hands, tucking his hair behind his ear. He doesn’t know about these things, about how good it feels when someone licks your ear, when someone puts your fingers in their mouth. I want to blow him, I’m really good at that, and know that I’m spoiling him for any other girl who does it for him, because he had me the first time. I’d tell him not to jack off for a week beforehand because I want him to blow the fattest load I’ve ever seen, and I want to make him cum over and over again. I’d blow him first and then make him sit in his computer chair, where I know he sits when he talks to me and I’d straddle him and deflower him that way. I want to bite his clavicle. Eventually I’d let him be on top, let him fuck me from behind. It just makes me next to trembling when I think of how revelatory it’d be for him. I want to watch him look at my body and I want to hear him gasping for breath in my ear while I drain him dry. I think I’m falling in love with him and it’s fucked up. I can’t stop myself from looking at photos of him when I cum and saying his name. I wish I could tell him I do that, I know it’d drive him nuts. I wish I could ask him if he does the same. I want to seduce him I want to feel him inside me I want to know what he looks like when he cums. I wish he knew how wet he makes me.

[Anonymous No.14729924]

>>14729855
[name] when I cum I think of YOU
do you think
about me too?

[Anonymous No.14729966]

>>14729855
stop larping

[Anonymous No.14730076]

>>14729966
If only I were larping many of my problems would be solved.

[Anonymous No.14730114]

I sent a poem in for a competition last night. It was the first time I've tried to write something on a deadline that wasn't for a class and it feels so good. I probably won't get anything out of it but sending in something complete is a great feeling. I think I proved myself to myself in some way. I've floated through life doing the minimum but it's not that hard to do something beyond that for myself. For once I didn't talk myself out of trying. Maybe I'm finally maturing a bit. I hope so.

[Anonymous No.14730716]

>>14730076
>female succubi and male virgin combo
strange

[Anonymous No.14730727]

>>14729855
Cringe

[Anonymous No.14730765]

Are there any graduate students on here who can give me some advice? Basically, I’ve decided that I want to go to graduate school but I’m very disinterested in the field I studied in undergraduate, which is economics. I really regret it and I feel like it doesn’t really lend itself well towards anything other than business, law, or the social sciences. What should I do?

[Anonymous No.14730800]

>>14730765
Not a grad student (yet) but I believe there are masters programs in philosophy that admit students with unrelated undergrad.

[Anonymous No.14730858]

>>14729855
How did you start talking to him?

[Anonymous No.14730937]

>>14730800
That is true. Philosophy seems like a bit of a catch-all for people who do unrelated undergrads but I’m not sure that philosophy is what I want to study formally.

[Anonymous No.14730940]

I need some kind of job that won't get in the way of my writing. Aren't there a bunch of writers that got jobs as night watchmen or custodians? Maybe I should do that, I already stay up incredibly late.

[Anonymous No.14730946]

>>14730800

what do you want to study? i went from undergrad to a graduate program in a totally unrelated field. you can make the case for a switch from undergrad major/graduate study concentration pretty easily - you don't have to use your undergrad for anything

[Anonymous No.14731012]

>>14730858
What’s it to you?

[Anonymous No.14731074]

>>14731012
I wish to assess the likelihood of such happenstance in my own continuance.

[Anonymous No.14731082]

>>14728706
>endears you to the people around you.
bugbrain twatter/youtube retards and underage girls?

[Anonymous No.14731104]

>>14729855
begone succubi

[Anonymous No.14731122]

>>14731074
I met him online.

[Anonymous No.14731147]

>>14731122
Do you like him or its just virginity fetish?

[Anonymous No.14731249]

>>14731147
I like him a lot unfortunately. I don’t really have a virgin fetish I’ve never taken anyone’s virginity before. Just finding out he was one made me feel exponentially more lustful for him than I was already.

[Anonymous No.14731461]

>>14730946
I’m assuming this was meant for me >>14730765
>>14730937
Honestly, I want to study Classics, which is what I would’ve studied if I could do it over again. Most MAs I’ve seen ask for a BA with a language, which I don’t have even though I know the languages. The only other thing I’ve considered is pure Mathematics but that’s a lesser interest.

[Anonymous No.14731522]

how to stop being neurotic mess?

[Anonymous No.14731700]

>>14731522
just be yourself

[Anonymous No.14731720]

>>14731700
:))))
i cant

[Anonymous No.14731840]

Are there any remotely interesting contemporary philosophers?

[Anonymous No.14731978]

>>14719706
I’ve been taking this nootropic called uridine monophosphate and it’s been able to make me hypomanic. It helps to boost your dopamine levels, but it needs to build up in your system in order to get any results like any other medication. It’s totally worth it, though. I don’t wake up in the morning dreading having woken up, I’m more optimistic about my future, and I’ve been more productive. I have bipolar II as well and it’s a bitch. It’s not a panacea, but it helps. Do some research on it.

[Anonymous No.14731989]

Raining again, windy again, winter has abandoned us.
Some strange mood came over me and I wrote something. Some moments now, I attain grace, I am so complete in myself, and the pain does not matter, it's barely there in my periphery. But I have no place to spread it, or radiate it, so it withers and dies, until some balance is reached and it comes again. It must be its own reward.

[Anonymous No.14732568]

>>14728138
I would like to see research into the idea that the internet causes ADD. There is some debate as to the extent to which ADD/ADHD is genetic or environmental. I would suspect that given an severe enough stimulus barrage over a long enough time of exposure to the internet and its disorganized, nonlinear structure, a subject is at risk of undermining their attention mechanisms. Attention is the at the center of any substantial mental activity. Without it you're just a shell of a human being, never quite present, never able to take in the world in significant portions.

The Shallows by Nicholas Carr examines this thesis in some depth, but what I want to know is the actual scientific hypothesis that the internet causes ADD. I can see it in myself. As the years go on and my exposure to the internet increases, deep attention has been harder to achieve and my mind has been reduced to a static white noise. I have to fight myself to stay on target.

[Anonymous No.14732578]

Not a /pol/ larper but I do wish I had some sense of tradition and heritage in my life. My only culture is that of homogeneous global capitalism. I feel empty.

[Anonymous No.14732615]

>>14732568
>a subject is at risk of undermining their attention mechanisms.
To clarify, it is beyond doubt that the attention mechanisms are undermined when you jump from page to page, check a million stupid apps, forget what you were doing and move on to some other pointless excess of media. The deeper question is whether normal, healthy attentional systems can then become systematically disordered by continual exposure to these attentional resets.

The brain is an adaptive learning network that continually adjusts its organization to optimize solving the problems it is faced with. If that process of adjustment is thrown out of wack because of repeated disruptions, it will eventually grow malformed. Now you will have this dysfunctional neural system developed in your brain that has been stunted by an erratic digital stimulus environment.

[Anonymous No.14732791]

I sort of regret what a midwit I was for most of my late teens and early twenties. I’ve always had more than a passing interest in real literature, but I just bought the propaganda and filled so much of that with midwit garbage in a desperate attempt to be normal.

[Anonymous No.14733256]

Here is what I find depressing: the happier I get, the stupider I act. Suddenly I start throwing things out there, not giving a fuck a bit too much, making the fatal mistake of assuming that there is no distinction between self and other which is of course a path that has led lives to their ends in accident or murder. When you're happy like a kid you just say whatever comes to you, do what every you comes to you without relaying it through a self-critical faculty (superego/prefrontal executive function ). But that faculty exists for a reason and if it is a standard feature of adulthood then it must because people who had it were better at surviving.
This is often the cycle which afflicts adolescent depressive cases. They do what they can to enjoy themselves and that is what they are told they should do for as much time as they can. They proceed to act unself-critically and proceed to fuck up somehow. They then throw their entire life out of wack, have an emotional breakdown and get depressed afterwards. Then the cycle repeats and they build their way back to being able to feel carefree again only for them to finally get to the point where they're happy or rather ---carefree--- ,so they do something stupid again. Why else do we say "take care" and yet at the same time hope to live carefree lives? This is a sick puzzle of happiness which I do not believe philosophy has made sense of.

WHEN I AM HAPPY I RUN MY MOUTH. This is what kills the writer. You just want to treat the whole world as your page but you really can't.

[Anonymous No.14733292]

>>14719161
So, what happened?

[Anonymous No.14733522]

Weird stuff going on, bros. I don't know why I'm typing this shit in here, I just need some semi-reasonable souls to ridicule me so I get back to Earth.
I reported in the last thread that I met a girl on a bus ride and was sad because I would never meet her again. As it turns out, I met her again. We talked a lot (we were on a two hours trip) and among many things, I discovered that not only she has a boyfriend, but he is the reason she is traveling. I thought that maybe she was signaling for me to back off a little, but that was not the case. I would totally get it, I don't want to mess with this type of shit, but she just kept on carrying our conversation.
At some point in our voyage, we started talking about horror movies and I recommended her Midsommar. She had never heard of it, so I had the idea to show her the trailer on YouTube and so she started showing me her own stuff. She was leaning really close to me, almost laying on my shoulder. This went on and at some point, I commented about the coincidence of us meeting again, she said that she does this trip two times per month and I could meet her again in March, I would just need to take the same bus, the same seat. But destiny failed me, as I won't need to take this line anymore. She seemed quite sad when I said that, but oh well. Nothing could happen between us anyway. She is engaged and if for some reason she was no more, she would not need to make this trip again.
As we were getting close to our destiny, she said "we can hang out for a little longer, my boyfriend is mad at me because I stopped sending him messages" (exact words, discounting my poor translation to English). But alas, he was waiting for her and I hurried home to listen to Ghosts by Japan on repeat. I wish I could read her mind. I don't think this is normal behavior for someone engaged.
I know that this shit reads like some poor YA drama, but it was the most interesting thing to happen in my life in a very long while. I can't take this out of my mind.

[Anonymous No.14734147]

My dreams are about being in school and taking a test while being unprepared but i graduated 10 years ago.

[Anonymous No.14734148]

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP I WANT TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE WHY IM SO FUCKING AUTISTIC AND HAVE A SHITTY FUCKING HEALTH PELASE.

[Anonymous No.14734410]

I shall like to investigate the phenomenon whereby when you suck , you tend to suck more and when you rock, you tend to rock more.
I am always caught off guard by this strange happenstance. As they say "when it rains it pours" but correspondingly you could say "when it shines, it glares."
The most rational explanation for these correlations is combination of a recency bias and a clustering illusion. As shitty or good things happen, we are primed to notice other shitty or good things. These streaks of bad or good events tend to stick out post hoc prompter hoc. Events happen to cluster together badly or goodly, and subsequently the mind maps a pattern to it. Put another way, we're more inclined to notice bad shit when bad shit affects us, and more inclined to notice good shit when good shit affects us.

Another theory is that when life sucks, we tend to behave in ways that make it suck more and when it is good, we make it better. Depression and success are both feedback loops. When everything seems to obstruct and gunk up around you and your mistakes begat more mistakes, it's only natural that life will seem to become a den of calamities. When you instead deal out deft opportunism, weaving circumstances like a masterful strategist, success will tend compound upon success. In this explanation direct cause and effect relations create the clustering of good and bad.

Finally is the new age claptrap about the "law of attraction" that if, say, you think negative thoughts, bad stuff will happen and vice versa. This comes down to a simple confirmation bias . You notice those instances when a bad mood precluded a bad event, or vice versa, and thus construct the illusion that your thought causally anticipated the event.

[Anonymous No.14734522]

>>14719356
>wojak
>soulless

[Anonymous No.14734652]

Things are taking on an increasingly peculiar shape. They haven't been the way they used to be for a long time, and how they will be in the end is completely black. They're caught between chairs, as between mortality and life. Sometimes they can still be seen, like jellyfish flesh, twirling around their ghostly past. But you also bury your parents and think you see something unnatural and timeless above the wreath of flowers - but it is only the resemblance of light. What we see is the wilting of the flowers. The ability of the human being to throw his inner self outwards, then to forget the throwing, to believe it was not us who threw the stone away, but someone else who threw it back.

[Anonymous No.14734655]

I'm also struggling with lust like that earlier poster was. It's amazing to see how weak my willpower really is when it comes to this stuff. Lately I've started to become terrified when I read about the Judgement because I know that if it happened right now I'd be damned. Despite that I willingly keep doing these thingsand looking at even more degenerate stuff, because deep down I know I enjoy it. Sometimes I feel like a wild beast or a slave to my urges, as if I should be aware enough of my thoughts to halt the desire before it becomes an action but choose not to.
I had a very scary experience a few months ago, when feeling particularly aware of my sins. I was reading about the visions of Padre Pio, specifically when he felt terrified after seeing an unknown personage in front of him, and then I happened to see an icon of Christ. At that moment dread filled me and I could not look at the icon or meet its eyes, as both great fear and immense guilt and awareness of my sins flooded me. I felt a presence behind me, but when I turned, no one was there, and I thought to myself that were I to stand in Christ's presence at the Second Coming I would burn to ash. I got down and prayed for mercy and strength against temptation and eventually the feelings subsided.
Of course the experience didn't make me change my ways, just become more aware of what I was doing. I began to feel disgusted with myself, that I was rotten from the inside out, that I had taken the free gift of life that God had given me and wasted it deliberately and maliciously and taken pleasure in doing it. I eventually tried to kill myself by hanging after a couple months were I felt totally worthless, that I should commit the sin of suicide deliberately so that I would go straight to Hell were I belonged and be without God's light, alone, for eternity. Obviously I wasn't thinking rationally, and after the rope broke because I was retarded and messed it up I got over some of it, but the thought still remains and I struggle to see myself in any positive light.
How do I fight temptation? How do I prevent my sins from swallowing me?

[Anonymous No.14734764]

Pic

[Anonymous No.14734772]

I should have just married into the Edstrom or Dougherty family and then just killed them all with insulin for the insurance. I saw a crime doc where they said since insulin is naturally acting, the doctors can't detect it as being out of the ordinary in autopsies.

[Anonymous No.14735169]

I really regret college. I honestly really regret pretty much every choice I made. From going to a big box state school, to choosing a worthless major that I didn’t have an interest in, to being the typical college drunk, to reading only midwit literature. Literally all of it was a waste and I just want a do over.

[Anonymous No.14735181]

I remember when that idiot Cait was crying and I can't help but laugh. I think of stabbing her more and more. If I could only get someone alone.

[Anonymous No.14735317]

>>14735169
You can always start again ;)

[Anonymous No.14735475]

>>14735317
I’m strongly considering starting over. I just wish I could scrub the last go around from my biography forever.

[Anonymous No.14735636]

Urban city gives me neurosis

[Anonymous No.14735762]

>>14720486
Try smoking for 10 years or so and you'll have a hard time getting your dick erect

[Anonymous No.14736748]

I feel (and project) that the final world-sentiment of our globalised civilization is approaching and it's on a trajectory to become pessimism. We are in a situation envisaged by Mainlander: he wanted to bring about Utopia so that people, at the peak of civilization and it's comforts, could look down and see more clearly than ever the tragedy of human predicament, by way of a contrast. In the end, either we go extinct due to climate change, or declining birth rates.

[Anonymous No.14736834]

>>14733522
I’m going to reply to this because I feel you deserve some kind of input. I may be wrong, and only you are able to gauge your own experience, so whatever I say you should take on advisement only.

When she said she had a boyfriend and you thought this was getting you to back off - that’s probably right. That doesn’t mean she’s not attracted to you or that she was repulsed by you or whatever: she’s simply let you know she’s taken.

After that you must’ve modified your behaviour, even subtly, and she then felt more relaxed about you, and so you could carry on being more ‘friendly’ as it were. That doesn’t mean you’re ‘friend zoned’ or all the usual childish sperg bollocks that gets spewed around here, it just means now is not the time.

Her being engaged, etc. is irrelevant. Life is full of challenges. So you can either take a back seat (see what I did there lol) and bide your time, or you can - and this is better - chalk it up as a worthwhile and educational experience in relation to human courtship rituals and keep practising on other women you come across.

Hope that helps.

[Anonymous No.14736878]

>>14733522
Sometimes a girl and guy can just talk and be close to eachother without it being full of hidden meaning

[Anonymous No.14736894]

>>14725029
This

It actually makes me mad when I hear guys complain about a small dick. I literally couldn't ask for a more perfect cock but my face means it goes unseen.

[Anonymous No.14736901]

>>14728116
Liking little girl cartoons is feminine

you retarded faggot

[Anonymous No.14736905]

>>14732791
>midwit
Congrats, you're still buying the propaganda

>>14732578
Do you really have no sense of heritage? Have you never heard stories from your grandparents or other elders? No family recipes or holiday traditions?

>>14735169
Eh, the past is done. You can better yourself today.

>>14735181
Glad you can't

>>14735636
No one is making you live in the city.

>>14736748
I would say the prevailing mood is already one of pessimism

[Anonymous No.14736909]

>>14736894
Become a porn star lol

[Anonymous No.14736939]

I feel pretty good today for the first time in a long time. Shame I have to work tomorrow.

[Anonymous No.14737187]

>“NASCAR fans never forget that no matter who wins the race, what matters most is God, family, and country!”

what the fuck is wrong with americans

[Anonymous No.14737202]

>>14737187
weak

[Anonymous No.14737578]

>>14736905
> Do you really have no sense of heritage? Have you never heard stories from your grandparents or other elders? No family recipes or holiday traditions?
I honestly don’t. My extended family lives far away and I’ve never talked to them much. The only holiday tradition I can think of is making an effort to use our fireplace on Christmas.

[Anonymous No.14737667]

>>14733256
I should like to add to my thesis here about the downsides of happiness, which is the reverse side of the pendulum of unhappiness. Happiness tends to make you too comfortable with yourself and thus inclined to make slips and mistakes, and this in turn inevitably leads to blowback and regret and depression. Given this cycle over time a sober, analytical sadness becomes the default state of adult consciousness. We learn that in sadness is caution, we begin to go the opposite route and over-filter our actions, to the point of snuffing out spontaneity almost entirely. Spontaneity equals unpredictability which equals danger. Logically, therefore, as much as an excess of happiness is unwise (look at any great man throughout history and ask if they were happy), a surplus of mournfulness is suffocating. It goes too far in the right direction of self-editing one's behavior. Eventually this becomes too unbearable and someone gets drunk or otherwise seeks an escape from their self-editing and makes a fool out of themselves to set the bar further up toward brief happiness.
Is there some point in the middle between these extremes that is tolerable? One can be a happy fool or a miserable wiseman, but can the opposing forces of these polarities be brought into harmonization? This is the question of the Good Life as philosophy has understood it, and perhaps as of yet the question has gone unanswered.

[Anonymous No.14737784]

>>14736905
>Have you never heard stories from your grandparents or other elders? No family recipes or holiday traditions?

Not that guy, but the answer for me here is literally no. My parents are immigrants so I never really knew my grandparents. Even if we weren't immigrants all my grandparents were dirt poor and died while I was still very young. My parents are bad cooks, and when they cook they never cook anything "traditional". We don't have any family stories. None of us can sing or play instruments. We don't do family traditions. We celebrate Christmas, that's about it.

I mention all this only because I suspect my story is not that uncommon.

[Anonymous No.14737814]

>>14717239
I’m pretty sure that the people I consider to be my friends secretly hate me
I’m pretty sure that everybody who knows me secretly hates me

[Anonymous No.14737824]

>>14737578
>>14737784
Quite sad, honestly. Immigrant guy, you can at least fall back on the culture of the country your parents came from. I encourage you both to ask your parents about the family history. You may be surprised by what they have to say.

[Anonymous No.14737838]

>>14737824
>Immigrant guy, you can at least fall back on the culture of the country your parents came from.

You would think so. But my parents simply immigrated from one colonized country to another. We are too many degrees of separation away from the original culture to be any traces left. Without even an extended family, there is really no history to grasp on to.

[Anonymous No.14738404]

This is getting really bad. I can't stand the people in my life. It is getting to the point where I really want to hurt them. I have never been a violent person so I don't think I ever will, but the urge is just building and building. They have done nothing to hurt me, this is all a product of my own neuroses (psychosis?). I don't know what to do about it.

[Anonymous No.14738508]

>>14721545
same bro
absolutely the same

[Anonymous No.14738524]

>>14717239
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

[Anonymous No.14738536]

>>14717239
It always bothered me growing up when girls would think I was gay. Thin, skin stretched tight over skull, I would try take care of myself with boxing. A manly sport for a manly man. But I could never shake off what they thought of me. My dad would beat me. Maybe I have inferiority complex. I hate being seen as weaker. It angers me. I'm not weak. But I am. And it only makes me feel inadequate. But I try nonetheless.

[Anonymous No.14738542]

>>14717239
I hate weekends. Two days of pure torture. I have no classes to go to, so no reason to get up before lunchtime. Everyone I know is out doing something fun and I have nothing to do. I dare not venture outside, because all I see are people enjoying each other's company; I seem so out of place. I don't go out for food so I get somewhat week with hunger. The one thing that my "friends" have ever invited me to was church. But the problem is, by Sunday I can't get myself up out of bed nor can I bring myself to face them. They all seem so happy and yet again I am out of place. I don't belong anywhere in this nightmare of modernity. Then just as quickly as it comes, the nightmare ends. The week has begun. Once again my life seems to have a tiny amount of purpose. But, unlike everyone else, I didn't get anything done during the nightmare. Now I am behind on everything. I can't keep up. I feel the nightmare growing.

[Anonymous No.14738545]

>>14733292
what happened?!?!

[Anonymous No.14738546]

My second novel is currently at 77k words and is about half-way through. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to re-write all of it when I get to the editing stage.

On top of that, the scene I'm writing now was poorly planned out and even improvisationally it's not coming together well as anything other than a kind of nonsensical transition.

All in all, I'm overwhelmed, I'm stuck, and I'm not sure what to do

[Anonymous No.14738562]

>>14717239
Nothing now, short of oblivion. Why do i ever expect anything? I know I shouldn't and I know I can't help it. If it's both and neither then what's the point? You've strayed from your pursuit, do you believe this will help you? These experiments? They're nothing more than trials to take you nowhere, to show you something you already know and teach you what you never wanted to hear. Fuck it.

[Anonymous No.14738606]

I want to dress dapper like reviewbrah.

[Anonymous No.14738879]

>>14738606
Hit up your local Goodwill

[Anonymous No.14739009]

>>14736905
>No one is making you live in the city.
I don't

[Anonymous No.14739016]

>>14720486
idk man, cooming every once in a while actually helps me not get hit by sudden sexual thoughts

[Anonymous No.14739081]

>>14733256
Well, it's true, you're based. I guess what's left is to learn to juggle being happy with remaining reserved, as in not being overly expressive or compulsive.

[Anonymous No.14740036]

If you post the first post in your own thread, the thread won't bump again? Even when other people post?

[Anonymous No.14740055]

>>14738606
All of his suits are too big for him. He looks like a kid wearing his dad's suit to school.

[Anonymous No.14740080]

When you live alone for long enough, hallucination and reality become one. Think, what is life? It is merely a combination of different stimuli. How do you know those stimuli are real and not imagined? You turn to your partner to confirm. You ask "did you hear that?" When one is alone this cannot be done. To be alone is to slowly disconnect from reality.

[Anonymous No.14740085]

>>14738536
You could benefit from therapy

[Anonymous No.14740091]

How do I go about telling my new gf about my Borderline Personality Disorder?

[Anonymous No.14740124]

I think I fell in love with someone years ago. I’ve recently come across their writing which seems to suggest they felt more deeply for me than I wanted to believe at the time. All of that long-ago pain has just seeped back into me the past few days. Not ‘seeped’. That’s just wrong. I feel like I’ve been slam punched in the chest and they’ve crawled right into the cavity to suck on my heart. I find it so hard to breath. Deep inside me I must have bottled it up after all. I thought I was over it. I think about them occasionally and I’ve congratulated myself on how distant my memories of them seem. But I must’ve lied to myself all this time. I must’ve just locked it away. ‘Locked’ isn’t even the right word, either. I must have built a galaxy-spanning dam to contain it but it’s back like a fucking leviathan in my blood, breaching my bones with cataclysmic, soaring thunder. I just don’t know what to do. I think now I must always have been in love. Nobody’s ever really loved me so I suppose I just rationalised and argued it all away. I mean, this is what I must be. This feeling as though I am invaded and occupied and overwhelmed by great and catastrophic forces over which I have no control at all. I just have to go through it all again, I suppose. I have to go back to shoring up my feeble, rickety, clearly hopeless wall, against this vast ocean of feeling and sadness and helplessness. Extraordinary. What a fucking life.

[Anonymous No.14740189]

Anyone from US academia here? I'm applying for a job in American universities and they're requesting "teaching evaluations" - is that the thing where students rate their teachers ? What if my country doesn't do that sort of thing ?

[Anonymous No.14740278]

>>14740091
Don't mention it until you fuck up and need to apologise

[Anonymous No.14740375]

>>14721148
Have you read Artaud?

[Anonymous No.14740390]

>>14717239
I’m a fucking phone addict

[Anonymous No.14740497]

Im trying to read Deleuze and im at lost after couple of pages.

[Anonymous No.14740513]

Why don't my successes make me feel happy? I work hard, and achieve the goals I set out to achieve. I impress the people around me, but success only brings me dread. It's an awful feeling.

[Anonymous No.14740525]

>>14740513
Perfectionism.

[Anonymous No.14740568]

When Gregor Kafka awoke from wet dreams and farted, he chuckled bemused as he noticed that the smell of his fart had turned into the smell of his own semen.

[Anonymous No.14741485]

Bump

[Anonymous No.14742044]

I went outside the big city today to a small village not far away. The whole thing felt absolutely amazing. Shortly after boarding the train all these thoughts and ideas came to mind, they felt free and intriguing, not dark and senseless as they often are when I'm at home. I got my journal out and wrote passionately away. There wasn't actually much to see in the village, but simply walking around, taking the occasional photo was so nice. On the ride back I wrote away again. I realised I like the idea of living like this too much; not having to return to this so-called home in which I'm trapped in with my thoughts, constantly struggling to make the place homelier. I want to watch the passing scenery, write on my journeys, see the unknown, even meet friends in these places if I can find some. I've been wondering whether it wouldn't do me good to move away from the big cities for a while. It has spawned an urge in me to go life on the road for a while once my current lease is up.

[Anonymous No.14742077]

>>14740513
Hedonic treadmill. Successes merely make you change your concept of success. You adjust to your new level and the reward sensation of your past success fades as you set your sights on the next achievement.
Only the weak have need of happiness.

[Anonymous No.14742090]

A few days ago I went grocery shopping. There was a Chinese girl there who seemed undecided and looked too shy to ask a native for help. I offered to help her out and she seemed geniunely happy. She was blushing and stuttering a lot which was kinda cute.
I do realise how faggy this sounds and she might have simply been polite and nothing more, but it made me very happy.

[Anonymous No.14742099]

>>14740278
I feel like that's dishonest though, but at the same time I'm worried she'd leave if I told her because it's a huge red flag.

[Anonymous No.14742101]

>>14742090

[Anonymous No.14742155]

>>14742101
Be honest with me, Anon. You were waiting for an opportunity to post that, weren't you?

[Anonymous No.14742399]

>>14742155
not really, i´ve been posting this webm for nearly 2 weeks, althought i´m sick of gook lovers

[Anonymous No.14742655]

>>14742399
Did I say I had yellow fever? I just mentioned that she was Chinese. If she were white I would have felt the same way.

[Anonymous No.14742664]

>>14742655
>Did I say I had yellow fever?

you´re going to be, never marry your fetish

[Anonymous No.14742726]

Can someone please give me feedback on my writing? I was rejected from a writer's group for tense changes:

Still crouching, Mojar began to move toward the shack. He relaxed and moved a bit faster when his straining ears heard no movement or voices from within. The boat was a shallow, flat-bottomed type and only large enough for two people, so Mojar didn't have any trouble flipping it over. Beneath it he found a long wooden pole for steering, a pile of rope, and a leather flask. He gingerly placed them all in the boat before sliding it down to the water's edge and climbing inside.

[Anonymous No.14742759]

just feel like getting a real autism test desu, i find myself being quite aspie and would like to know whether it is that, or that I am inherently still underdeveloped/too introverted.

[Anonymous No.14743064]

>>14742044
That sounds lovely anon. I encourage you to do it, travel is one of the most nourishing things for the soul.

[Anonymous No.14743181]

>>14742101
i wanna jam that ecig down his throat

[Anonymous No.14743188]

>>14742726
>He relaxed and moved a bit faster

dropped

[Anonymous No.14743237]

>>14743188
>Still crouching, Mojar began to move toward the shack.
Should've dropped it after this. A person moving forward while crouching looks like a duck, and "shack" sounds like "quack".

[Anonymous No.14743422]

>>14735475
Do it, the only thing stopping you is yourself. Probably, idk.

[Anonymous No.14743429]

I feel like years and years of intense depression have killed my memory and my personality. I barely speak anymore, even when people are theoretically receptive to conversation. I have friends, but they feel a world away even when we're together. Even my best memories feel like another lifetime, and I can hardly remember events from books I read last week. I'll read through my journals just to confirm that I did, at one time, understand and reflect on the book. I did. I just can't remember anymore, my head is in a fog and my body feels heavy.

I no longer believe that good events in my future will produce a comparable amount of good feelings.

[Anonymous No.14743461]

>>14743429
Get to therapy. You can be saved.

[Anonymous No.14743528]

>>14743461
I don't think that would be of any help to me anon, but thank you sincerely for your suggestion.

[Anonymous No.14743576]

>>14743429
What made you end up like this, Anon?

[Anonymous No.14743578]

there needs to be a report option for twitter posters. i don't care what some random cunt said on twitter.

[Anonymous No.14743597]

>>14743528
Anon, please dont give up on yourself completely.

[Anonymous No.14743696]

>>14743576
I don't want to blogpost and I'm not looking to make a thing about the whys of the matter. Not sure how much is genetic and how much is environmental, both are likely contributing. Most family is dead, friends are scarce, last romantic relationship worth anything ended with her death via drunk driver, currently living thousand of miles from home in a city I hate, who knows what else. Thats the greatest hits. Even if these things never would have happened, I was a sad child who grew into a sad adult. That part was non-negotiable.

>>14743597
I am not suicidal, for the record, if only for the fact that knowing my luck that would just make things worth. I expect no better on the other side.

[Anonymous No.14743699]

>>14743696
*make things worse
fingers did their own thing for a moment there

[Anonymous No.14743765]

Thinking back I don’t know if I was ever really suicidal. I was depressed yes, and thought about killing myself all day, but I was never anywhere near actually doing it. One time I walked to a big gorge near my house to contemplate throwing myself in, only to immediately realize that there was no way I could do that. I was just larping the whole time, which is awful and means I wasted years being an angsty retard. To any young anons out there: don’t be like me!

[Anonymous No.14743780]

>>14743528
i was on the same end as you but a therapist can help you, specially if the therapist is a woman since they´re more empathic to your struggles even if she´s a normalfag and you´re not one, is the best feeling of the world knowing that somebody cares about you, it can motivate you to go ahead in life

[Anonymous No.14743783]

>>14743765

Based and sincere

[Anonymous No.14743788]

>>14743429

See a specialist for real

[Anonymous No.14744084]

I need to get some things straight here. First of all, the Adorno sentence "There is no right life in that which is wrong" must be corrected: There is only life and life is neither good nor bad. And even if you don't agree with this, you at least have to admit that the nazis were right about that one well-known mosaic issue. Furthermore, one must not build one's philosophical system from the ground up; one does not have to collect premises and draw conclusions from them. Instead, one begins with the conclusion and fills the gaps later; furthermore, one does not build a system but scatters out fragments (Blütenstaub) as if something had been blown to pieces. Finally, it's a good idea to make friends with things. A bench and a view which made your days pleasant deserve to be revered. One should become aware of their peculiarities, preserve their state of being, and remember them with love and care. I want to quit smoking. That's what I promised the sky. The idea was natural: I see the sky every day and it brings me numberless happiness, such as clouds. I respect the sky for what it has done for me more than I respect most people. Everybody worships themselves anyway, after all our thoughts and prayers remain inside of us. What is external is internal, and the sky is what I make of it, which is: myself.

[Anonymous No.14744097]

>>14744084
Whoa - you can pinpoint the exact moment I coomed.

[Anonymous No.14744249]

I just finished this. I know it's a classic and I thought it had a very good story, but I didn't really "get" it. I felt at first that the book was about a main character who saw society and reality for what it was, as opposed to what everyone else claims it is, but now I'm not so sure. The ending confused me.

[Anonymous No.14744305]

>>14743765
While I relate to this and agree with the general sentiment it's important to remember that it's still not normal to experience suicidal ideation every day. I was like you, and convinced myself I was overreacting because I knew inside I would never actually attempt my life, but then I found medication that worked and my mind cleared up and I begun to feel normal again and once I felt normal again it struck me just how bizarre and unhealthy it is to be thinking about suicide every day in the way that I had been before. This is not an endorsement for medication, I have mixed feelings about meds, but yeah, idk, hope you find stability anon. Don't beat yourself up too much.

[Anonymous No.14744321]

>>14744305
not that anon but this is basically where i'm at. i dont trust meds at all and think therapists are hacks, but i dont feel normal.

[Anonymous No.14744435]

>>14743188
>>14743237
I was told that I was switching tense in the sentences I posted. they said it was confusing whether I was writing in present or past tense. Can anyone give me some insight on this?

[Anonymous No.14744960]

It's weird. Through getting interested in psychology (or philosophy? I don't know) I can no longer differentiate between what I think about phenomena and what I interpret I should feel about phenomena. Recently I've been accepted into a scholarship, and by all merits should feel happy and excited, yet I feel I'm obliged to -say- I'm happier than what I really am. In truth, this seems to transpire to all aspects of my life. I don't even know, at this point, when I made this trade-off (if it can be called as such) that made me feel less excited/happy - and if it was at the expense of also feeling not as sad and distraught. I know I'm not special and this is a fairly common experience, but the more I look into literature to find something I can resonate with, the more confused I am.

Books for this feel?

[Anonymous No.14745033]

>>14743429
I can honestly relate. I was depressed for so long that it warped my conception of reality. Still to this day I feel that some kind of bulb in my head shot out and the same spark can't be lit, although I have gotten better. Long term clinical depression alters the structure of your brain and dysregulates its chemical messaging.
It doesn't help that I'm bipolar, which essentially means I am structurally constituted to experience depression for certain periods. Apparently childhood stress can trigger the condition. I feel cheated. I feel robbed of a normal healthy mental and emotional life because I had it rough growing up. I see everybody around me as naive and sheltered. My pain has twisted me into a vengeful primordial spirit.
What you're experiencing is real: your brain has been damaged. However, it is possible to heal it and to learn from it. But the scar tissue will forever be there.
I would recommend the fine little book Darkness Visible by William Styron. It's an accurate and resonating articulation of the disease. Depression is not regular sadness. Regular sadness is chickenshit.

[Anonymous No.14745072]

Adult life has been very lonely. I’ve seen my friends twice this year so far. I live in a small town which doesn’t help, but if I were to leave I wouldn’t even be near my family and few friends anymore. This fucking sucks.

[Anonymous No.14745111]

>>14745072
I was thinking about this as well. The only reason that channels like Pewdiepie or ASMR videos are popular is that modern adult life makes people absolutely fucking lonely. What is Pewdiepie if not an on demand friend simulator? What is ASMR if not surrogate-intimacy? Even this fucking board is a replacement of places like Salons and Cafes where people actually had good discussions about literature. Yeah, it fucking sucks.

[Anonymous No.14745132]

>>14745111
>get home from work
>order some delivery
>crack open a beer
>sit down on the couch for another night hanging out with my cool friends Nick, Stav, and Adam
>consider moving to Japan then remember I don’t speak Japanese
>flip through posts on normiegram from people I haven’t seen in years before heading for bed
Living the dream

[Anonymous No.14745625]

At what point do I start publicly admitting my interest in literature comes from 4chan /lit/?

[Anonymous No.14745661]

>>14745625
Never, unless you're in an environment that encourages intellectual development very much (e.g. universities). If that's not the case, then really there isn't much to gain and many things to lose. Trust me on this, people irrationally start hating you.

[Anonymous No.14746369]

>the more i read about how to stop being neurotic, the more i become one
wtf

[Anonymous No.14746393]

>>14719161
Did she reject you and you attempted suicide?

[Anonymous No.14746419]

>college "requires" me to take a course and attend lectures on sexual assault
Do they think I'm their dog to be trained? The temerity of these people never ceases to astonish me

[Anonymous No.14746440]

>>14746419
>going to college
>Do they think I'm their dog to be trained?
Judging from your own post that's exactly what you are.

[Anonymous No.14746444]

>>14746440
you can attend higher education without throwing away your dignity, you know. I did not come here to study raep kultur

[Anonymous No.14746691]

>>14746419
It's a scam to make money that has, very conveniently, been commodified into a social/political issue or stance, and as such conveniently makes itself unassailable.

[Anonymous No.14746703]

>>14746444
>you can attend higher education
You can but do you expect to achieve that by attending courses in an American, British or Swedish college?

[Anonymous No.14746738]

>>14737814
Esdras, why do you do this to yourself?

[Anonymous No.14746741]

>>14746703
The college is just my place of residence, my real course is actually quite good

[Anonymous No.14746823]

>>14740085
I think about. When I was in high school, my dad tried to kill himself with sleeping pills. I called the ambulance, kept him awake. He told everyone that he wasn’t trying to kill himself, called my mom only to yell at her, saying both my mom and I just wanted to see him in a bad position. He told everyone that. Friends and family. It really hurt. I thought I did the right thing. So I spoke to a counselor; told me that I seem to have a mature handle on stuff for my age. This left me wondering: what the fuck is the point of talking to others if that’s all they have to offer me. I really try to better myself, and it might seem like some faggy cry for help, but my despair only grows and grows. And I don’t think anyone can help. The moments that it leaves me is when I read or watch a good movie. I want nothing more but to create so to console people who ache inside. Mind you, I try to live my life with optimism. I want to believe in others. But it’s hard sometimes not to give in to despair sometimes.

[Anonymous No.14748190]

i save the thread

[Anonymous No.14748223]

>>14748190

[Anonymous No.14748239]

>>14748223

[Anonymous No.14748320]

>>14748239

[Anonymous No.14748774]

>>14744249
Meursault never commentates on reality or society, or at least not until the end. He simply does things if they are in reach, or if they follow an impulse of his. What confused you about the ending?

[Anonymous No.14748799]

>>14717239
Cold cuts, mmm

[Anonymous No.14749167]

>>14746823
You are a good person

That's it, I can't say no more; I'm limited by this media

[Anonymous No.14749360]

I work about two hours per day, the rest of my working time is dedicated to reading. Since my superiors don't know what programming is actually about, I just keep a terminal open with some random shit going on while I read on Caliber with a black background and white font.
Today I decided to read some short stories by Walser and I really had to hold my laughter while I was on "A Morning".

[Anonymous No.14749376]

>>14749360
That's crazy man. I wish I were you. Are you in the U.S.?

[Anonymous No.14749415]

>>14749360
how'd you get such a job? did you have to get a CS degree? was it difficult to find? sorry for the questions. I'm just envious of your life.

[Anonymous No.14749418]

>>14749360
how much do you make?

[Anonymous No.14749615]

>>14749376
I'm in Brazil.
>>14749415
I dropped out of CS and got the equivalent of a major in biological sciences. I started working on a lab basically as an R&D assistant, but since I had a background in computer science, I got transferred to a newborn bioinformatics department. There used to be another guy working with me, but now it is just me and my superior, who is a traditional wet lab biologist. I think I got very lucky with all of this, to be honest. I'm in a very niche career.
>>14749418
Not much, about R$2,600 per month. It is hard for me to compare it to American average wages, but considering the reality of my country, I can say that I live pretty comfortably. I wouldn't trade it for a job that pays more but requires me to actually work.

[Anonymous No.14749979]

>>14746823
That’s a very traumatic experience to have gone through, Anonymous. Not only must you have been terrified for your dad, but then you were left abused and shaken by his reaction. I’m really sorry you went through that, truly. You did not deserve it.

I strongly advise you to write your dad a letter. You’ll never send or post it, of course (if he is still alive). But you should write out everything to him. The whole story - that night, how it made you feel, its impact on you still. The whole lot. When you’re done, throw it away or have a nice little private ceremony by yourself and burn it. I promise you you will feel much better.

My heart goes out to you, sincerely.

[Anonymous No.14750052]

I just want to do undo my degree and go back to school.

[Anonymous No.14750345]

Stupid question but I'm not sure I understood the person I was talking to. They told me I have presence and gravitas. I try not to but I was told even when I observe and hold back I am still noticed and affect others. Like I have an aura that people pick up on no matter what emotion it is.

Are there any books about this? Or characters in books like this? I'm feeling a bit of imposter's syndrome because I've found myself rather dull but this person isn't the only one that has told me this. What does it mean? When I think gravitas and presence I think of a general who men follow to battle.

[Anonymous No.14750617]

I think I need to grow up.
I met a 16 years old girl and I really felt connected to her. Not saying this in sexual terms, I just really liked talking to her. When I talk to my coworkers or family, I feel like my energy is being drained. I really felt like myself with this girl.

[Anonymous No.14750648]

>>14750345
Interesting post anon.

>They told me I have presence and gravitas.
I've been told I have this as well. The person who told me said it was something in my eyes, as if I had lived another life and seen it all before. It was the strangest compliment I have ever received.

I do have a deep voice and a stern resting face when I'm listening to someone, which my physicality and Mediterranean features might enhance, idk. So I think the person who told you that was probably basing it on some aspect of your physical appearance and then extrapolating that to form some narrative. I do believe though that the essence of an individual can be somewhat sensed through some subconscious intuition some people have evolved to have/are born with.

I think maybe you're a bit more than the dull person you describe yourself to be.

>Or characters in books like this?
Stannis Baratheon springs to mind.

>What does it mean?
I think it means that they see you as a very contemplative individual. They feel that when they speak you are scrutinising what they are saying but witholding from verbalising your conclusions. That gives an air of the gravitas you're describing. This could also indicate a derivative strength of character which leads us to your notion of the general leading men into battle.

[Anonymous No.14750675]

Any pressure I feel to breakdown and conform to the status quo and get a serious desk job comes from outside sources and I don’t understand why people feel this insatiable need to be petty and passive aggressive when they could just leave me the fuck alone and let me be a broke asshole. It seriously baffles me how common social competition is when tolerance and anti materialism are virtues that have been extolled in myriad forms throughout modern history. The man that chases beauty will never be attractive enough, the man that chases money will never have enough. Are people just projecting their perceived deficiencies onto me? Does it just piss them off when they see someone that’s content with very little while their killing themselves and wagecucking to buy some stupid shit they really don’t need? I swear people just live their whole fucking lives regurgitating platitudinal bullshit just to sound virtuous and refined when it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

[Anonymous No.14750682]

>>14719161
WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED?

[Anonymous No.14750683]

>>14750675
You're waking up

t. someone who works a "serious desk job"

[Anonymous No.14750694]

>>14719158
Well thought out. Don't worry, Anon. I noticed.

[Anonymous No.14750724]

>>14750683
I’m kind of at the end of my rope here. I appreciate the response, but could you be a bit more precise? I just want someone to be straight with me for once.

[Anonymous No.14750790]

>>14750724
Apologies.

Most people think they're deep thinkers and that the beliefs they hold have arisen through their own introspection and "critical thinking" (an annoying buzzword). The truth is closer to what you have identified. They're an amalgam of mass media, trite talking points and regurgitated truisms that highlights a true lack of character. Maybe at one point in their lives they tried to look within themselves but got too scared and entangled in the complexities and contradictions in being human so they left this contemplation and viewed it as a bad dream.

But that is the exception, not the rule. Most people are entirely soulless. To them, things just are and have always been that way. As for their passive aggression, when they encounter someone that runs contra to the above (ie. does not have heavily corporatised goals), it scares them. Someone doesn't buy into their pretty little lie of a white picket fence, a wife, a couple of kids and a dog. They can't conceive of life otherwise. And those who contemplate life beyond wagecucking, climbing the corporate ladder etc. etc. face the natural feeling a fear of missing out, as if something is wrong with them. They think that somewhere along the way they went mad so they're scared back into conformity. Fear is a powerful thing.

The examples I gave above a merely reflective of current trends and corporate paradigms. People have been doing this forever and will do this forever because the empty striving you described is the essence of man, Schopenhauer taught us this.

This was just a braindump and one could probably poke holes in my exposition pretty easily but whatever.

[Anonymous No.14750820]

December 2019
>Living at home with parents
>Dead end job
>Zombified on SSRIs and an alcoholic
>Thought I was trans and spent a shitton posting on /LGBT/
>Chronic knee and neck pain

February 2020
>New job, making 30,000 more a year than previously
>buying my first car tomorrow
>Viewing an apartment tomorrow, hopefully moving there soon, first time living away from my parents
>Taking better care of my joints and body
>Found a few /lit/ qtπs on apps that liked me back

Holy shit, everything is exponentially getting better in my life, this is so much more than I expected

[Anonymous No.14750838]

>>14750790
Good post. Thank you.

[Anonymous No.14750843]

>>14750790
Not him but good post. Thank you.

[Anonymous No.14750887]

Bowie was a great Nietzschean and vitalist! What could have been had he followed Mishima in bodybuilding and militarism

[Anonymous No.14750901]

>>14750790
Thank you for this. What books by Schopenhauer would you recommend that expand on what it is you described?

[Anonymous No.14750946]

I had a nightmare about Gloria Swanson. I tried running away from her for weeks but she would always find me. In the end she cut my limbs off and faced me to the floor so i would never run away again.

[Anonymous No.14750956]

>>14750901
If you truly want to immerse yourself in Schopenhauer you would have to read the World as Will and Representation - his magnum opus. To appreciate this, you need to understand Kant. Though the third volume of WWR turns more into a collection of essays grounded in the metaphysical principles he argued in the prior volumes, such as on "love", which might be of interest to you. The essay On the Metaphysics of Sexual Love Between the Sexes found me at a very formative (and therefore convenient) time in my life.

But you don't care for metaphysics or ontology, that's fine. His other essays still have a profound impact on the keen eye. A collection of those is contained in his Parerga and Paralipomena. They especially contain two essays that would be of interest to you: On the Sufferings of the World, and On the Vanity of Existence. These two essays can also be found through a basic google search.

[Anonymous No.14750964]

>>14750675
>>14750790
you guys must be fun at parties.

[Anonymous No.14750996]

>>14750964
Lol what a predictable response. You'd be surprised to find that such people can still maintain social circles.

[Anonymous No.14751000]

>>14750956
Thank you for taking the time to type all this out. You’re a good dude.

[Anonymous No.14751008]

>>14751000
That means more than you think to me, anon. Good luck in life friend.

[Anonymous No.14751025]

>>14750964
This is exactly what >>14750675 was referring to when he said:
>I don’t understand why people feel this insatiable need to be petty and passive aggressive when they could just leave me the fuck alone
Lmao. You must never think about or question the accepted way of doing things or else you aren't a cool kid that can hang out with us, right? As if one had anything to do with another.

[Anonymous No.14751034]

>tfw finally starting to write a work I've had in mind for more than a decade
>tfw can't stop feeling happy about it

It's funny. My school life and my financial situation are in a really bad place right now. Yet I'm in such a good mood despite that, because I'm finally telling a story and working with characters that have bounced around my mind for years and years. It's so much fun getting to interact with these characters, getting to meet them and build them and develop them, getting to feel what they're like and how they interact with each other. I feel a real, genuine joy that I'm finally working on this project. I hope I do justice to it. I hope I'm talented enough to do that.

[Anonymous No.14751048]

>>14719356
see Mark Fisher, Baudrillard

[Anonymous No.14751060]

>>14721148
join a commune and focus on reading and writing

[Anonymous No.14751070]

>>14720968
you're overreacting. I'm sure she gets asked stuff like that all the time, and it is literally her job to not hold things against you. relax and be honest

[Anonymous No.14751077]

If I never share my writings with anyone they will always be perfect

[Anonymous No.14751474]

>>14751077
DFW said something about this. If you keep ideas in your head they seem perfect. To write them down is to realize that they are flawed and need work. It seems like you've gotten past this step, which is good. You should try sharing them, I think. It will be work, yes, but you can't go anywhere without work. I think it's best to start now. DFW said he struggled all through his 20s because he hated writing down his ideas. I'm sure he would've advanced much quicker if he had. Maybe he could've gotten Infinite Jest done sooner. Maybe he could've finished The Pale King.

[Anonymous No.14751519]

>>14751077
Share them in one of the crit threads legit. It's anonymous so who gives a shit if people hate it, everyone here is a retard. But also I've got lots of feedback from those, and when you get positive criticism its a confidence boost because you know the anons here aren't holding back. Some guy made a threat lately saying he used to post in them and now he's got a publishing deal.

[Anonymous No.14751540]

>>14750675
I'm motivated to pursue a desk job for literally two reasons:
- my parents expect me to (despite always having said as a child 'you can be anything, even a garbage man and we'd still love you')
- the need to appear desirable to women

Maybe a third reason. I have done well to jump through the hoops from high school to university and now that I have graduated it would feel like I was "wasting" my talents in anything other than an office environment despite the fact it makes me miserable and suicidal.

[Anonymous No.14751562]

There was a time in which I wrote huge amounts of erotic fiction, both fanfiction and original. These were all devoted to my particular fetishes. I used to think that if I took my erotic fantasies and wrote them down, I'd banish them from my head and they wouldn't bother me any more.

But I have realized that this is very foolish. If I write my erotic fantasies out, they become permanent, and I can revisit them and relish in the temptation to sin all over again. What's worse, in the past I actually shared what I wrote with others, so the temptation to sin emerged not only for me, but for everyone that I shared them with. And it's especially bad because absolutely everyone who's ever read my erotica has talked about how arousing it is. I can't imagine how many people over the years have blown their loads reading my stuff. I should probably be more ashamed of it than I am. It was a case of me using my powers for evil. I turned my talents as a writer to the worst uses I could possibly have conceived. Some of them have been scrubbed from the internet over the years, but others have not. So my work is still out there, inspiring people to sin. I suppose I should be ashamed.

[Anonymous No.14751622]

>>14751540
uhh... just get txt files of books and make them really small on your desktop

[Anonymous No.14751707]

>>14717239
I declare myself mediocre! How refreshing it is to say. A great weight has been lifted from me. I will never be one of the 'great men'; I've tried, and it felt like stretching a small shirt over a large frame. That is to say that I was ungainly and awkward, and frayed at the ends. For so long I felt such great tension between who I am and who I felt I was meant to be - a role, no doubt thrust into me by my own unconscious as a child who failed to fit in with his peers. But no more! I care not about my peers, and I unfriend them all from Facebook! My life will henceforth consist of 401k options and trips to Fred Meyers! Now to get out of debt and find a wife - pretty, smart but perhaps not brilliant like another flame of mine, back when I pretended to be someone of import - and then I shall tip my hat and say 'Bugger off! I've acquired my single story house with a basement and 2.5 children, I pay my taxes and owe nothing to you, and do not expect to find me at your high school reunion!'

[Anonymous No.14751726]

>>14751707
Something like this happened to me a while ago. I had this self-image that I felt I have to actualize into, and it was making me fucking miserable. Then I found this is actually something Jung wrote about:

>Jung defined inflation – an unconscious psychic condition – as expansion of the personality beyond its proper limits by identification with the persona or with an archetype, or in pathological cases with a historical or religious figure. It produces an exaggerated sense of one’s self-importance and is usually compensated by feelings of inferiority (Jung1934–1939,1963).

>The key to avoiding inflation is knowledge of the proper boundaries of the ego or consciousness, and this is achieved by discrimination between it and the archetypal contents of the collective unconscious – the self, anima, animus, and shadow – which possess psychic autonomy. When the ego can distinguish what belongs to itself from what belongs to the objective or transpersonal unconscious psyche, it will be free of inflation (Jung1951).

After reading about it, I gave up on it felt light and free. Exactly as you described, I was imagining myself having a normal life. After a while, however, it came back, but in a much more realistic way, which I believe Jung had even predicted when I read about it.

Maybe your case is different, but it seems too similar to mine. I hope this helps.

[Anonymous No.14751831]

I am the loneliest person on the planet!

[Anonymous No.14751842]

Legalize child fucking. Kill the old and crippled. Believe in yourself. Alien death camps.

[Anonymous No.14751854]

>>14751842
Legalize compassion and nurturing toward children. Take care of the old and crippled. Cultivate a healthy degree of self doubt. Alien life camps. :)

[Anonymous No.14751856]

>>14751854
based

[Anonymous No.14751935]

AHHHHHHHH Fuck writing proofs

[Anonymous No.14751996]

>>14734655
Anon, Jesus want's us an integral man. God created us with our sexuality and with our passions. Obviuosly it's pointless to fight those urges. You should, over a long span of years, find a spiritual self. You shouldn't get addicted of too much Bible reading. If you see that it hinders your daily life try to cut it a down. Are you Catholic? Go to church and go to confession.

[Anonymous No.14752110]

Raping a dying person is not entirely ugly. The red color of the blood, the sounds you and your victim make (things that you probably do not consciously perceive during the act, which is why the beauty I am talking about is one only for the observer, not for the practitioner); filling a vessel with pain, at the same time seeing a vessel being emptied (impending death) and finding oneself in these processes; strength, overcoming, on the other hand weakness, instinct. I am convinced that every act, at least every extreme act, is beautiful – and that whatever makes it beautiful is at the same time ugly – which turns the whole category of beauty/ugliness upside down, deprives its parts of exclusivity – and instead of this pair of terms some other, single-parted term would be more appropriate - a term that perhaps approaches the word ecstasy or agitation, arousal.

[Anonymous No.14752134]

>>14751622
how about you choke to death on my uncut dick faggot did anyone ask for your advice

[Anonymous No.14752504]

>>14752134
I can't choke on something that is sooo tiny.

[Anonymous No.14752528]

The two thoughts on my mind are today's therapy session and my relationship. The session was very good - as always it's making me want to focus on myself and my goals.
My gf has been out of the country for a week, she wanted to see me tonight for dinner. In bed last night, thinking about what my plans for today are, I felt unrest stirring in me at the thought of seeing her. I found that a little cruel. Would I really rather have a day by myself than dinner with her? For a while I've been thinking that her outlooks on life have put me down throughout the months, that she may be part of the reason why I'm not satisfied with what I have anymore. Whilst I didn't mention her in therapy I still think she might be related to my sinking feeling of self-worth that I described. Also, the idea of seeing her just seems so boring to me. Instead of pursuing my solitary joyful hobbies, I'll eat, watch some silly TV show she likes, talk about things that might be nice but might also be disagreeable to me, having her make a move on me when I'm already way tired and having another long conversation where she's trying to convince me to do it and I'm most likely not in the mood.. What kind of life am I leading where I accept the sexual advances of someone time and time again? I don't want to put her down completely; she is there for me whenever I need her, I know she truly cares for me, there's a degree of comfiness of having her in my life. But I'm really not convinced we're compatible. Definitely I need more time to myself. Maybe I should just ask a friend for lunch instead to get my social fix.

[Anonymous No.14752650]

Fuck anti-psychotics

[Anonymous No.14752702]

I moved to a new city, last month. I still haven't found a job yet but in any case I'm happy to be out of my backwater of a hometown. I just finished my last draft for this really long short story I wrote that's not too bad. I learned a lot from writing it so hopefully I can put those lessons to good use in my future projects. I'm going to try making some short films this year with some friends of mine. I don't know if they'll be any good, but man when I'm writing and brainstorming with them, when I fall into that perfect headspace I feel like I'm doing the right thing with myself. It's the first time in a while where I feel like my life's got just a tiny, palpable sense of direction. I don't feel like I have to dial back my creativity in a working-class town full of alcoholics and ice-heads. I don't feel so self-conscious talking about my creative desires out loud, anymore. Maybe I'll still be a has-been in 10 years. At least I'll know I tried doing this shit with my life once, and that makes me content. I don't know about *happy*, but certainly content. I'm still an idiot, and always will be. But I'll always be learning.

[Anonymous No.14752821]

Is anyone else coping with the feeling, or general sense, that life and calling have passed them by? I discovered literature and a penchant for both poetry and prose as a teenager, but I was ridiculed by my peers and ashamed of my sensitive and delicate affinities. From then on, I sought to shut them out and gave way to social pressures probably out of a desperate desire to “fit in” and lingering sense of alienation. I did reignite my passions, which have largely been pushed to side, at around 24 years old, resolving to just be myself anyway, but my youth is spent, my education wasted on a worthless pursuit which I have no substantive interest in. I’m 26 now and I worry about these things.

[Anonymous No.14753091]

there's this anonymous confessions Facebook at my uni and someone there said I'm hot, not sure what to feel

[Anonymous No.14753215]

>>14753091
>someone there said I'm hot
a guy or a girl?

[Anonymous No.14753219]

>>14753091
It is probably a friend of yours making fun of you

[Anonymous No.14753361]

>>14749615
Are you me meu amigo baseado?
My managing job is 70% of my time I just standing by waiting for a task. Meanwhile, I just use a notepad window to the size of an Email in my screen and read away most of my days.
Get paid around the same, R$3.100,00 before taxes, and live quite a comfy life. Only downside is that my work environment is an open office so I have to mentally shut up the gossiping women around me.

[Anonymous No.14753891]

>>14751519
The problem I have with 4chan criticism is that normally when I post things I simply get no replies. It says to me that my work is not laughably bad nor laudably good, simply mediocre and the only path forward is to suck less. Once you reach this state 4chan is useless for advice.

[Anonymous No.14753902]

>>14752821
I can't believe 26 year olds go on about their youth being gone. At least wait until you're 30 to complain.

[Anonymous No.14753929]

Here, deeply hidden within the fornaments of this fuzzy cemetery, he lay. He had lived a long and rightsaging life, dedicating it, with his marine cumthropology degree, on elecrine and various other troutomations. I handspected the contours of his gravestone, pondering the ethicsplications of his exculated copyments.

[Anonymous No.14753959]

>>14753929
>cumthropology

[Anonymous No.14754031]

>>14753902
What difference does it make if one is 26, 36, or 46? If the window of time in which your culture allows its youth to intellectually develop and explore its inclinations has closed, then it has closed.

[Anonymous No.14754944]

>>14750996
>>14751025
you guys dont get it. you think you're onto something but you're not. nobody cares. everybody knows it's bullshit.

[Anonymous No.14755023]

I'm only here because I was banned from /sp/ for three days for a not even particularly good troll post which they said was off-topic.
It's not so bad, this place suits me better.

[Anonymous No.14755053]

>>14753891
When that happened to me I thought it was because it was so bad that nobody could even finish reading it. I still thought it was good. If something is really bad your only hope is that someone will tell you.

[Anonymous No.14755458]

I never thought i would live long enough to see Peter Singer be labeled 'controversial'.

[Anonymous No.14755573]

Tomorrow, I am going to take my deworming medication, go to the mall, sit there for a couple hours and then go home to write my Persona fapfic.

[Anonymous No.14755734]

>>14750648
I guess I just perceive myself as dull. People tell me I am not. I also have a deep voice and good posture so if that helps it helps.

I'm not ashamed to admit I've read ASOIAF when all my friends were and found Stannis endearing and relatable. Odd that you mention him. Aside from the memes due to Dillane's performance in the show I've liked Stannis and argued for his merits when my friends said he was a bad guy. I could probably talk for hours about Stannis which I realise is somewhat silly but it is fun to me to do.

[Anonymous No.14756279]

>>14755573
nice

[Anonymous No.14756496]

Taking hot baths in the evening is so comfy, especially in the colder months. Though it’s also nice on summer nights if you can get a nice breeze going through the room.

[Anonymous No.14756997]

cutting my cigarettes with creatine

[Anonymous No.14757371]

>>14749167
>>14749979
I really appreciate this fellas. My dad was a difficult man to deal with, and for the longest time I honestly thought I was crazy or in the wrong for what had happened in my life so it means the world to hear this. I don't really expect 4chan to be a place to find sympathy, but I'm grateful. I hope you both are in a good place in your lives, and if not, then soon. The world is too short to carry pain in your heart.

And I will definitely try that, it sounds like it could be therapeutic to get it all out.

[Anonymous No.14757475]