[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

View post   
File: 12 KB, 402x280, pebbles-stone-heap-stones-isolated-260nw-678902683.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14434612 No.14434612 [Reply] [Original]

Write the best original opening to a hypothetical novel you can
NO ISHMAELS ALLOWED

>> No.14435945

Opening to a gastronomy novel:
Call me Dishmael.

>> No.14435956
File: 14 KB, 474x266, sprudo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14435956

Gall me Bishmael

>> No.14435959

This is not the best novel in the world, this is just a tribute.

>> No.14435977

You’ve broken the table again.

>> No.14436115

Waking up to a loud crash rarely means something good is happening. It’s never “CRASH! Mom made pancakes!” or “CRASH! We decided to adopt a Golden Retriever!”

>> No.14436124

To the staunch explorer who is now reading this, know that I died as a result of either starvation or dehydration and that the companion who lays beside me, or what may remain of it, is not to blame for my premature end.

>> No.14436129

He comes into the graveyard almost by accident, on a long, aimless descent from Castle Park.

>> No.14436136

A corpse hung from the roof with a sign around its neck, “Cheater.”

>> No.14436138

Grandmother died today. Or tomorrow I cant be sure.

I'm ripping off Camus and setting "the stranger" in a 1960s detective story with heavy lovecraft undertones. It might be pretentious and lame, but its my idea-baby, and as we all know, those are hard to kill.

>> No.14436144

Moby-Dick told from the perspective of marine animals:
Call me Fishmael.

>> No.14436162

>>14434612
Call me Abraham.

>> No.14436174

“Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed.”

Modest, slender Muck Bulligan came from the stairwell, clutching a container of shaving cream on which a razor and mirror sat intersected.

>> No.14436182

>>14435959
2/10
>>14435977
7/10
>>14436115
if youre making a children's book, sure
>>14436124
5/10
>>14436129
4/10
>>14436136
horrible
>>14436138
pretentious, but ill need to see more...
>>14436144
10/10
>>14436174
8/10

>> No.14436189

>>14436138
>but its my idea-baby, and as we all know, those are hard to kill.
It was a miscarriage from the start.

>> No.14436195

The fundamental flaw in humanity are its social constructs: autonomy breeds idleness in the way of society, and emotion brings an inherent altruism that compels us to help others. But, in an apocalypse, none of that matters anymore; there is only chaos.

(Bit long winded, I know ;_;)

>> No.14436235

We stood around the well, listening to the new kid yell and splash until he stopped.

>> No.14436237

She came into my office surly and gecko-footed. Something that looked like gills on her elegant, swan like neck, vertical pupils narrowing in the harsh light in the shitty little room I drank in.

>> No.14436238

>>14434612

This is the best opening to an original hypothetical novel.

>> No.14436240

>>14436237
Would be better if
>She waddled into my office

>> No.14436864

The house burned down in an hour, and my father burned with it.

>> No.14436918

>>14434612
CRASH- mom made the pancakes!

>> No.14436939

>>14436182
anon, you forgot to rate this guy >>14435945

i'll bump with my own rates:
>>14436195
2/10. Yawn
>>14436235
8/10. Took me a second.
>>14436237
Hard to rate this, depending on what your intending. If it's meant to be weird or horror, I would say that's a solid 6 or 7. If it's meant to be otherwise, that's, uh, pretty fuckin weird.
>>14436238
hardy har har
>>14436864
5/10
>>14436918
0/10

>> No.14436941

He eased himself into the cool of the river. The evening was silent now save for the sounds of the water sucking in and out at the edges of the softly flowing stream. The days heat seem to dissipate instantly and he began to make a leisurly breaststroke to the opposite embankment in huge motions like a great and odious frog out of some fantasy tale.

>> No.14436942

After a long night's rest, I woke up to the sounds of people talking in the hall, and I rose from my slumber, put on some slippers, and walked downstairs.

Thoughts/critiques? The best line ever right?

>> No.14436947

Here are some I came up with earlier:

The bodacious velociraptor deftly maneuvered the F-22 Raptor (the stealth fighter plane, not to be confused with the prehistoric animal that is it’s namesake) over the triceratops-ridden jungles of Vietnam with extraordinary skill and courage, especially considering this was his first time.

Twas a dim and tempestuous night, and the young writer/author-avatar Anon thought using a thesaurus would somehow improve that most cliche of openings; it didn’t.

I, a man, kissed my boyfriend—yes, boyfriend, it's 2020 and there's nothing wrong with being gay you close-minded, 19th Century bigot—on his soft, cushiony lips and grabbed his firm ass with both hands and you, my heterosexual male reader, disgustedly slammed this book shut as you picked it up thinking it would be a good present for your girlfriend.

The other day, this guy came up to me on the street and said, 'ey bruv, you know what the word on the street is(?), and I said unto him, forsooth(!), my good man, it brings me great displeasure to admit that I do, in fact, not know what the latest gossip, spread about from pauper to pauper like some unsightly genetic disease, on the pockmarked pavement is; pray tell?

>> No.14436981

>>14436942
>>14436942
>After a long night's rest, I woke up to the sounds of people talking in the hall
Good, you could end it here if you wished
>and I rose from my slumber,
Awkward: really, really awkward
>put on some slippers, and walked downstairs.
Mediocre.
Not a bad start but you fumbled.

>> No.14436990

>>14434612
12/12/2004
A handshake in the park today. Beige and Gray.
12/13/2004
Beige noticed me. I'll need to relocate.
12/14/2004
Handshake today. Beige and White.
12/15/2004
Beige wears sunglasses. No handshake. History.
12/16/2004
I'm on to something. History. Gray and White snicker toward me.
12/17/2004
Birds chirping.
12/18/2004
Beige and Gray. Handshake. Bee stung my arm.
12/19/2004
New one. Red. Gray and White. Handshake. Red leaves.
12/20/2004
Red and White. No Beige. Handshake.

>> No.14436991

i know you think you understand what you thought i said but i must assure you that what you heard is not what i meant

>> No.14437384

experience

/JkˈspJərJəns,ɛkˈspJərJəns/

noun

1.

>> No.14437394

uhhhhhhhh

>> No.14437638

>>14434612
Despite the universe being a vast empty epitome of contradictions, here we are. Born out of seemingly nothingness. What is our purpose? The answer has been life's most popular pursuit. With it comes the romance of the hunt, questing after the lights that every creature capable of sight stares at when they look up at the sky. The countless eyes staring back at the courageous losers every planet sends forth. The journey to the stars is not an unpopular one. The journey between stars is the next step. An ocean of planets and ships ready to swallow each other back into the void.

This is something I made a long time ago, please critique it, I don't know what I did wrong but it lacks something.

>> No.14437658

>>14434612
It was an unpleasant realisation to come to, but there’s no two ways around it; everyone who I know is a faggot.

>> No.14437693

>>14437638
It’s really really reddit. I think redditors would love it, so if you wrote a whole book like this it would probably sell, but I personally fucking hate it and even though I don’t know you my opinion of you has lowered drastically having read it

>> No.14437694

>>14436115
this. so much this

>> No.14437723

Waking up to a loud crash rarely means something good is happening. It’s never “CRASH! Mom made pancakes!” or “CRASH! We decided to adopt a Golden Retriever!”
Indeee, CRASH! More so signified the negative, the Big Crunch... entropy. A good crash is like a pumpkin spice latte in the morning, a little jolt of existential void to wake you up in the morning! And indeed- I needed to get up, for today was the day I would be debating a local pastor. CRASH! Would be the sound of skydaddy falling from his throne, through the endless void of space (which I’d like to travel someday in my consciousness transferred robot to endoskeleton) right down into my smug little lap to be annihilated instantly by logic. Sorry God, or should I say god? I sipped my CRASH! latté... flicked through some porn on my apple iphone... today was gonna be good. I almost forgot about the crash that woke me up...

>> No.14437762

>>14437693
Thanks anon, I agree, I don't really like it much either, it's not what it could be. Is it the vocabulary? The structure? I really want to improve it.

>> No.14437794

The motel room is bathed in the glow of sunset, casting baleful illumination over the severed feet.

>> No.14437797

>>14437723
holy... i need more

>> No.14437921

>>14437762
The concept as a whole is flawed. Starting off a novel with a long-winded philosophical rant disregards the entire purpose of a novel, that purpose being to give said philosophical rant through narratives and themes and not explicitly.

>> No.14438119

>>14437638
Too much wafting of hot air, I'd rather get into your story than hear you wax poetically about why people go into space. It's a good enough subject matter to try and discuss/explore over the course of the novel (which I mainly say because the ideas will surely become better developed as the plot and characters chew them up, becoming a more satisfying final take when they're spit back out).

>> No.14438132

>>14437723
Best one.