/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.14340365]

Today I had to go to some sort of combined Christmas / team building / company division team outing and it was horrific. I was the ugly loser nobody talked to.

First we had nothing to do and I was literally unironically standing in the corner on my phone as an ugly loser. I hid in the bathroom cubicle for around 15 minutes in total but there was still a lot of time spent awkwardly and humiliatingly stood there as everyone else talked to each other in a packed room.

Then we had to watch a speech, which was kind of painless but the guy and girl on either side of me were talking to each other beforehand past me, which kind of emphasises how people automatically see me as a loser.

Then we had to do team building exercises where I stood at the side barely contributing. A few times they pity-asked me and by that time I could barely give any answers. I used to feel crushing embarrassment at these situations, back when I was younger and thought I could have a change to belong. I'm unironically totally emotionless about it now. My sadness and frustration with life has a much more mature, less in the moment, and more long term heavy weight on my shoulders feeling than it used to.

I noticed that even though I get paid the same as most people, everyone else had been on tens of holidays or had an iWatch. They probably save money by having friends or spouses to save money on rent and lots of other stuff. I'm such a loser.

At lunch time I went outside the hired for a starboocks and 4chan browsing on my phone. When I came back on time there was still a few minutes of standing around and my boomer managers pitytalked to me for a few seconds. It's really disturbing to see the pleasure in their faces at company socialising events.

And at the end of the day all the young attractive people went to the pub to do whatever it is young attractive people do there. I bought a binge on the way back to my flat.

I've never been more pessimistic about my future career, or lack of it. I didn't spend my teens and early 20s programming or gaining any skills. I went in to the no skills bullshit office environment where the only requirement is to fit in with normies....... and I'm not a normie and I can't fit in. I'm not the lovably awkward type. I'm the ugly slug-like saps the energy from everyone he comes in to contact with, including himself, type. And I'm a quiet nerd type. People in the UK LOVE seeing people like me fail. I mean genuinely fucking love.

[Anonymous No.14340372]

K

[Moises Goldenbergowitz No.14340399]

on the brightside, even having those skills early on would have made no difference and you would still be in the same situation, so at least your time was better spent

[Anonymous No.14340414]

>>14340365
>mfw

[Anonymous No.14340498]

I assume you're in your late 20s then. You still have time to gain a skill set in something you enjoy doing and build a career around those skills. It takes dedication but it's worth it.

[Anonymous No.14340526]

>>14340365
You're so self-absorbed. Why would you not even have a mention of the election in your blogpost?

[Anonymous No.14340557]

get your shit together man. free yourself from all this negative thinking and find something you really enjoy doing as a hobby and/or as a career and then just do it. view your current situation as a wake up moment from which to grow and evolve. don't give up on life, things are going to get better!

[Anonymous No.14340567]

>>14340365
At least you don't have aspergers and near constant heart pounding anxiety in anticipation of and during work
At least people don't treat you like you're borderline retarded and a child
>People in the UK LOVE seeing people like me fail. I mean genuinely fucking love.
It seems that way, in the US aside from the innercity low income areas people get away with a lot more that wouldn't be accepted here socially
Scandinavia seems good as well, not sure how it is in the rest of europe but just assumptions

[Anonymous No.14340583]

great post lf

[Anonymous No.14340602]

Lol dude you ever stop and calculate how much you spend on brandwhore coffee and bespoke junk food? Get some Tesco brand sweets down your obese gullet for a change.

[Anonymous No.14340610]

>>14340365
You really are insufferable.

[Anonymous No.14340647]

>>14340610
he is enlightened

[Anonymous No.14340740]

>>14340365
Particularly despairing post today. I think you will be miserable regardless of what you do. Your entire life could do a 180 tomorrow, everything you've ever wanted could fall into your lap and you would still be miserable.

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !KyoZM3Yo46 No.14340797]

>>14340365
>I noticed that even though I get paid the same as most people, everyone else had been on tens of holidays
I know this feel, I've been away once in the last two years (a week long break alone to the lake district) and all the people I work with go away multiple times a year even though they get paid the same as me and yet have to pay rent and I save much more money by living at home.

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !KyoZM3Yo46 No.14340804]

>>14340365
Oh forgot to add LF, your only bet at this point for any kind of success if it's not too late is to go down the ugly eccentric route.
You have the cynicism, and a good eye for the little details. You're clearly intelligent, you could be a sort of Harold Bloom character

[Anonymous No.14341016]

>>14340365
I've been there. Changed my job to one where there was another dweeb in the room and hung out with him. He was better at faking than I was so it helped.

Basically the team-building shit is like the examination to test how far you invested in the bullshit smalltalk stuff day-to-day. You just paid the price for not swotting up on your boring colleagues earlier.

> I'm unironically totally emotionless about it now.

bullshit

[Anonymous No.14341057]

>>14340365
Hey Londonfrog, I admire your dedication to the gym. I hope to squat as heavy as you one day. Been going to the gym steady for a few months now, and I’ve been loving it!

[Anonymous No.14341113]

>>14340365
Hygiene
Gym
Clothes

Everything else comes automatically.

[Anonymous No.14341145]

>>14340365
>>14340365
Anon, first of all of you’re going to participate in these events you have to realize they are actually very awkward for everyone for the most part. Some people do a better job at hiding their awkward feelings and intentionally force themselves to not pull out their phone or anything like that. You can do the same, but you went to the phone. Just strike up a conversation with someone even if it’s shallow bullshit. “This dip is delicious.” “Hey I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Anon. I work in the Accounting department.” It might be stupid shallow bullshit no one cares about, but not speaking isn’t anything at all. The only people who don’t feel awkward at these events are total bugman morons with absolutely no internal dialogue whatsoever and I don’t think you want to be them even if it looks like they’re having “fun”. Also, if you end up the social outcast at these events who cares? Honestly, is it that important to you to be the type of person who gets elevated as a social ideal in an environment so mundane and banal as an office Christmas party? Stop caring about this. It’s totally meaningless.

The other thing is you clearly have very low self confidence and you need to work on that. There’s a million ways you can do this, but you need to get out of your head and stop worrying about what other people think so much. Work out, approach people, go to therapy, it doesn’t really matter but you can do this. There’s no reason you need to feel yourself some sort of ugly social outcast, Anon. Take action to manifest what you want in life and stop retreating into the internet or bathroom stalls and you’ll find it’s not that hard nor is it that important.

We believe in you.

[Anonymous No.14341612]

>>14340365
Unironically read Culture of Narcissism. It’s meant to be a social critique, but it ended up reframing my social anxiety and self-esteem problems in a way that I could deal with them. While I have a lot of things going for me, such as looks, Ivy League pedigree, height, etc., I’m always going to be somewhat of social outcast because of my introversion, cold personality, anti-tech beliefs, heterodox politics, trad-leaning lifestyle, and otherwise lack of status-driven ambition. I used to worry obsessively about trying to socialize better and be more pleasant, without recognizing the fear in the back of the mind that I would be outcompeted in the business/social marketplace if I didn’t, which would result in the loss of status, money, friends, women, etc. Even when I went down the 4chan rabbit hole, rejected hedonism, and begun to see these “rewards” as a mere pittance relative to the sublime accomplishments of life, I still held to spooks such as evolutionary psychology to justify my lack of self-esteem. It didn’t help that I couldn’t relate to any of my peers, who were being groomed to become tomorrow’s elites, because of my populist beliefs and my responsibility-governed morals. It took me a while to realize that what *really* bothered me was the sense that *everything* in life had become a competition thanks to ongoing social changes that have totally warped the incentives to living a wholesome, fulfilling life in the pursuit of economic gain and hedonism (like Houellebecq), and that this was a world that *everyone* had been thrown into, whether we like it or not. I had been unwittingly blaming myself for making sound choices because it didn’t align with social expectations for the longest time, as I would keep re-inventing them in new forms that I couldn’t immediately recognize. Lasch pointed out that it wasn’t my fault that I didn’t live up to these expectations, that nobody else is free from this socially-imposed suffering, that it wasn’t a morally worthwhile choice to even try, a realization that finally freed me from the spook of social norms and allowed me begin a healthier relationship to myself and life in general.

Londonfrog, don’t blame yourself for your misery. Your circumstances are not your fault. The only person who can meaningfully impose standards of success or failure, in the long-run, is you. Take care of yourself and stop comparing yourself to other people. There’s always going to be people who will viciously compete to be the highest in the social hierarchy, even in Auschwitz. They’re not doing much better, which you would realize if you had 24/7 access to their lives. Do your own thing and find what makes you happy.

[Anonymous No.14341701]

>>14341612
>The only person who can meaningfully impose standards of success or failure, in the long-run, is you.
What if you're influenced by other people (replay everything in your head) and have to spend a lot of time around them in order to succeed?

[Anonymous No.14341758]

>>14341113
This is literally all you need stop eating shit, buy better clothes and exercise regularly

[Anonymous No.14341810]

>>14341758
>>14341113
no. i'm 6'2, have a great physique, square face, sharp jaw, hooded blue eyes and dress well. none of that really matters, the only thing that can help you is God. if you don't have God, you have nothing, and if you have God, you have everything and your social life or income no longer matter in the slightest.

[Anonymous No.14341850]

>>14341810
will god obviate the need for a gf

[Anonymous No.14342176]

You probably despise Christmas because you're a muslim Paki.

[Anonymous No.14342182]

>>14341810
the need, yes. the desire, not necessarily

[Anonymous No.14342190]

>>14342182
meant for
>>14341850

[Anonymous No.14342195]

>>14341612
This, OP. Stop beating yourself up that you’re not the prettiest pig at the farm show.