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/lit/ - Literature

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14239368 No.14239368 [Reply] [Original]

Describe this image in your finest prose

>> No.14239392

Among the hills and valleys of trash, under the gray, starless, night sky, stood two boars: one ravaging the other to prove the extent of its dominance, the other quietly submitting to ensure one more day of survival.

>> No.14239398

>>14239392
Wow, beautiful

>> No.14239402

It was another Tuesday at the office, and I walked in on a hog fucking my wife.

>> No.14239425

>>14239368
On top of the trash heap, two, black as night nigger-boars were fucking like wild animals tend to do, in manner similar to that of inner city pavement apes. As the factories spilled black, nigger-like smoke in the steely grey sky so did the boar's seed spilled into the nigger-like womb of the sow

>> No.14239460

They crested the last hill, nearly bereft of hope, then stood shocked and shuddering at the sudden shift: a mountain of edible refuse. Though the road had been terribly hard, and they had endured the cruelty of losing their entire families to the knives and forks of the voracious bipeds, Hurronk and Ellink knew that the landscape before them, besides providing them with sustenance, was proof that their tormentors, with time, would exterminate themselves. They embraced, even as from below, new foes climbed towards them. Death here was inevitable for them both, but neither would the God Who Snorts be denied his vengeance.

>> No.14239520

>>14239368
Hehe pigge fugg

>> No.14239539

>>14239392
kino except I don't think it's nighttime

>> No.14239542

>>14239460
noice

>> No.14239574

>>14239368
Trash as far as the eye can see, two boars fuck, smoke fills the air. No, This isn't Jersey.

>> No.14239603

It was her turn.

>> No.14239611

>>14239603
>her turn
absolutely delicious and brings new meaning to the image. powerful anon

>> No.14239635

>>14239398
>>14239539
Really? I felt the whole thing was very juvenile while writting it, in fact I think I just came up with a better version

Among the hills and valleys of trash, under the gray, starless, night sky, stood two boars: one rutting away at the other, a reminder of his complete and total dominance, the other quietly submitting, eking out another day in the desolate wastes.

>> No.14239637

>>14239368
The two most disgusting things in life; production and reproduction.

>> No.14239642
File: 42 KB, 661x896, 3 things.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14239642

Describe this image in your finest prose

>> No.14239660

>>14239642
Black night, White man, Three loves.

>> No.14239673

>>14239392
It's like a metaphor for my life.

>> No.14239790

>>14239574
I liked it

>> No.14239834

>>14239392
0/10, don't write again.

>>14239402
Cringe.

>>14239460
tl;dr, good as a soporific.

>>14239520
5/10, pretty okay, but work on your punctuation.

>>14239574
Yikes.

>>14239603
3/10, boring.

>>14239635
1/10, stop writing.

>> No.14239843

>>14239834
cope

>> No.14239853

>>14239368
Two porkers porking away, below them, trash, behind them, trash.

>> No.14239858

>>14239843
cuck

>> No.14239864

>>14239834
looks like we got ourselves a goodreads critic ovah here

>> No.14239867

>>14239368
>'The Linping people have arrived', thought Marczyn out loud.
>The village skyline felt different now,with two mighty pins boasting of its newfound place in history. Many of his friends would find gainful employment in the charred hallways of workshops beneath.
>'Will you get on with it, I need to get this plastic to Stromboly yard before midday', grunted Pristina. Marczyn was prone to bouts of 'philosophizems', as she dubbed it.
>Marczyn grabbed for purchase, diverting his eyes from the smokestacks. 'With the right kind of approach, we can still make life for ourselves here', he thought. His mental construction fell out in grunts.

>> No.14239890

>>14239864
You don't need a shit-tier taste like a goodreads critic to point out how utterly shit the writing ITT is. A pair of eyes and a brain functioning well enough to control bowel movement would suffice.

>> No.14239904

>>14239368
all your boar are belong to us

>> No.14239907

>>14239890
Then tell those who you're criticizing what they did wrong instead of using buzz words as a crutch

>> No.14239914

>>14239368

"Is it over yet?" she asked.
In between heavy breaths he replied "No, but it's getting there."
The smog from the nearby slaughterhouse slowly turned the clouds black. There was a squeal followed by a gunshot. Then silence. Her body still, she turned her head towards the direction of the noise.
"I wonder who that was."
Keeping rhythm, he managed a few words.
"Better him than us".
The man kept pumping as the girl remained still with her head turned. The rhythm increased and his breathing became deep groans.
Another squeal was followed by another gunshot. But this time the gunshot was followed by a roar.

>> No.14239916

>>14239867
who are you quoting?

>> No.14239927

The earth was grey and barren. The trash here was once of use, but now their forms were all indiscernible from one another. The heaps of slag rolled as hills into the horizon, and hazy towers were just possible to make out, undoubtedly continuing their smoggy work. The remnants of humanity here picked among the dregs for anything that could be eaten or sold. And, despite this, life foolishly continued.

My writing is still high school level.

>> No.14239941

And in the land of star crossed lovers
And barren hearted wanderers
Forever lost in forsaken missives and Satan's pull
We seek the unseekable and we speak the unspeakable
Our hopes dead gathering dust to dust
In faith, in compassion, and in love

>> No.14239985

They are in love. Fuck the war.

>> No.14239992
File: 20 KB, 640x560, 1500846696796.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14239992

>>14239368
Atop a pile of mankind's industrial excretion ignorant nature unfolds its ancient tale as boar entwines boar in brutal rape. The irony of this conjunction is lost on the refuse dwellers below who live day to day in this smog-scape, their dwellings clustered around the soaring smokestacks like the homes of medieval peasants around an abbey, the new faith: pollution, wretchedness, a cult of rotting concrete.

>> No.14239996
File: 176 KB, 220x224, fuck.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14239996

>>14239927
>And, despite this, life foolishly continued.
I can tell you're trying really hard to be deep here, it's not working out for you

>> No.14240000

Despite human environmental concerns life continues on

>> No.14240293

>>14239368
Cathedral towers floated gracefully along the horizon, giving praise to the glory of God. After all, they're spewing that glory by the metric ton right up into his abode. Black and grey, with many indiscernible shades in between, floated above while, in the garden of Eden below, but shades of brown resided. An abundance of ashes, even greater of dust, it all seems to go on, for in God we trust. Atop a hill, in the midst of it all, two guests have arrived early, before anyone else. A charcoal Adam and an onyx Eve? Or are they simply waiting on other guests before the man of the hour in his ark does? An exciting time, indeed.

>> No.14240378

>>14239992
>Atop a pile of mankind's industrial excretion ignorant nature unfolds its ancient tale as boar entwines boar in brutal rape.
I liked this, but your being too heavy handed with your adjectives. Cut "ignorant" from the sentence and it's miles better
>Atop a pile of mankind's industrial excretion nature unfolds its ancient tale as boar entwines boar in brutal rape.
See?
>The irony of this conjunction is lost on the refuse dwellers below who live day to day in this smog-scape, their dwellings clustered around the soaring smokestacks like the homes of medieval peasants around an abbey, the new faith: pollution, wretchedness, a cult of rotting concrete.
I felt like you got too moralizing at the end, try cutting the list
>The irony of this conjunction is lost on the refuse dwellers below who live day to day in this smog-scape, their dwellings clustered around the soaring smokestacks like the homes of medieval peasants around an abbey, the new faith.
>>14240293
Holy fuck bro calm down with the religious motif we get it

>> No.14240443

>>14239368
One Pige
Two Pige
Dead Pige
New Pige!

>> No.14240464

>>14239425
That’s so beautiful I’m shaking and crying right now

>> No.14240475

>>14239425
Lmao

>> No.14240665

>>14239425
Magnifique, bravo.

>> No.14240805

>>14239907
I agree with this anon I don't know what
>Yikes
and
>Cringe
mean.

>> No.14240856

>>14239368
progress

>> No.14240871

>>14239834
always great to see le epic misanthrope contrarian who doesn't provide his own work for criticism as well because that would shatter his extremely fragile ego

>> No.14240917

American wedding c. 2050

>> No.14240989

>>14239368
The year is 2019. Adolf Hitler's son has eliminated the last of the resistance groups around the globe. His reach is omnipresent and his will is absolute. The final Jew is burned in the factory. His ashes float up through the smokestack and with them, the world is cleansed of its pests forever.
Or so we thought. In reality, Hitler's son keeps a secret underground breeding pen of Jews for the sole purpose of burning Jewish babies for all eternity.
But one baby is secreted away in the night. His savior is caught and executed. He is raised in the trash by wild animals. They speak his name in fear.
He is the Boar Jew.

>> No.14241122

>>14240989
The Virgin Alt-History Fantasy Story
>>14239425
Verse The Chad Lovecraftian Xenophobic Tale

>> No.14241154

Porky porker porked a porker as trash turned ash.

>> No.14241161

>>14239368
Vladimir Putin mounts Aleksandr Dugin in glorious mother russia

>> No.14241176

>>14239368
pige

>> No.14241196

>>14239637
Amazing

>> No.14241218

>>14239368
The smokestacks across the valley were concrete cocks penetrating the sky, spilling their black seed into a barren womb, conceiving nothing. In defiance of this paradigm, two ugly hogs went at it in the way Gnon intended, piggy penis populating porcine pussy with potential piglets.

>> No.14241223

>>14239368

Why do all you /lit/wits think that verbosity = writing ability.

>>14239392
This is probably the best one but it has three adjectives for sky, one of which is redundant. It also has FOUR clauses, Jesus lord have mercy.

t. editor.

>> No.14241255

>>14239368
"Everything is going according to plan," said one Jew to the other as he mounted him and thrusted his tiny black, hair covered cock into the asshole of his long snouted companion. With this, they both let out a long and unholy sqweel that cut through the profit laden air.

>> No.14241263

all cracked earth, all littered, all smoke: a she-boar mounted a male-boar, and amidst the desolation of everything it was an impressively logical move.

>> No.14241266

>>14239368
The ass of the boar like a whore the bore he takes while flakes of carbon soar which makes the earth store more from the rays of the sun and the days of the One are long gone

>> No.14241268

>>14239368
It was the small weiner of a black hog.

>> No.14241278

>>14239368
It's a documentary about the french people in 30 years time

>> No.14241282

The boar bored into the ass of a bored bore

>> No.14241298

>>14239642
One lust, three expressions: the triune Coomer.

>> No.14241389

>>14241161
kek

>> No.14241397

>>14239368
the trash mounds hum and hiss with a fertility that refuses to die, a million years of fucking, and plastic that will outlast it. Life as we know it evolved to a state of pitch black skin and stench effervescent through matted hair. Here we have the successors of the earth, the children of our excess and the emulsion of our discontent. Squeal along little piggies, your tusks smooth and decayed by the acidity of the refuse and breath of the stacks, fuck and reproduce to your heart's desires, this is your unwarranted paradise.

>> No.14241437
File: 95 KB, 231x262, the_boar.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14241437

There once was a boar named Amir
Who enjoyed getting dicked in the rear
The world was a dump
They all mounted his rump
But his sadness would not disappear

>> No.14241440

>>14241223
I see what you mean about the redundency with adjectives and now that I've noticed it it's bothering me alot, but what's wrong with the clauses?

>> No.14241453

The Boar
He's about to coom
Yes
YES
The boar coomed

>>14239985
Based

>> No.14241457

>>14241437
>14241437
Amir and rear dont rhyme. 6/10

>> No.14241486

>>14241457
lol returd

>> No.14241490

>>14241457
'amir' and 'the rear' do brainlet

>> No.14241497

>>14241490
>Re Uhr
>Am eer

ok, faggot.

>> No.14241623

>>14241437
not prose

>> No.14241630

How Americans are born

>> No.14243000

>>14239368
“I want to date a man not a plastic doll. Waxing shaving, plucking bleaching, toning, flexing, oiling – it’s all too much.” I look up from the article I’m reading on the way home to my mothers house after spending the afternoon at the dog track and I’m confronted by a reflection that is all to clear. A boar mounting his mother among piles of human refuse the two grotesque figures a demented reduction of a some forgotten society oblivious to their surroundings. In the distance two smokestack penetrate the grey sky leaking darker grey smoke upward. I sigh and think about what my mother is cooking us for supper.

>> No.14243003

>>14241623
But nonetheless funny

>> No.14243084

>>14239368
Pigfuck in the trashlands, two spires spit.

>> No.14243090

>>14239368
The sexual revolution and it's consequences has been a disaster for the human race.

>> No.14243189

>>14239368
A photographer captured a shot of two boars having sex on a landfill near a factory on Tuesday.

>> No.14243352

>>14239368
Oats no more, what was once fields of cereal now lay mountains of waste, as far as the eye can see brimming with consumptive squandering.

Here the bourgeois do dwell, propagating, in the doomed world they have created.

>> No.14243390

>>14239368

"Yes! Yes! Yes, daddy!" Bottom squealed. There was no love in their fucking. Only the raw, filthy existence of plenty remained. Their lust, the maggots and the delicious feast of filth covered what was once landscape for lesser animals. The Apes used their kind's name as an insult. Boar. Hog. There could be no greater compliment in this world of trash.

>> No.14243420

PIG FUCK.

>> No.14243459

Pig pig
Oh how they twig
'pon fields of wasted hominid

Bore bore, nubbed first boar
Please get off, i'm rather sore.

>> No.14243466

>>14243459
fuck, not prose, fuck mb.

>> No.14243477

>>14241437
gr8

>> No.14243579

For sale: Two hogs, last of their kind. No Penis.

>> No.14244660

Bonpensiero

>> No.14244672

>>14239392
Oinking piercing met grunting, enjoining syncopated suidae breath

>> No.14245008

Lmao that pig is getting ass raped in a wasteland. What a bitch.

>> No.14245013

There was shit everywhere, and two feral hogs were fucking. Climate collapse was all but guaranteed.

>> No.14245127

Smoke signals rose from the latest scheduled book burning. In this not so distant world, even boars take part in pseudocopulation.

>> No.14245146

Smokestacks impregnated the sky with its cancerous pollen, as he-boar mounted she-boar in a race of virility.

>> No.14245242

They readied to rut under a cement sky. To the horizon, man's poison spilled from its towers. Underfoot, corruption rustled. Sole comfort was the hide of another.

>> No.14245253

God is a trickster and He pulled a prank on the porks. As the last two of the boars mounted the hill of refuse to further their abject destiny. Only to find, that what waited was a terrible mismatch of dimorphic design. A mount in futility, from bore to bore, two clits met for pseudo purpose.
Their image of extinction is one of scissoring swines.

>> No.14245266

>>14239368
On the trash heap overlooking the dirty smokestacks of the recycling plant I saw a pair of black boars fornicating like they were home in the forest.

>> No.14245302

>>14239368
Night fades to indistinguishable day. The sky and the land filled, but empty. A world bereft of nature, yet still the natural dominates.

>> No.14245320

The sky is Chinese. The future is Chinese. Even boars can't outfuck the Chinese.

>> No.14245392

>>14239392
The odor was unbearable, tall towers regurgitating pitch black smoke dotted the landscape beyond, mountains of garbage, delicacies for all kinds of rodents and plaguebearers, the doom of mankind in the making, all the while two night skin pigs danced a dance as old as life itself.

Niggercountry at its finest.

>> No.14245397

Can we get some critique in this thread? It's just a bunch of bait and shit

>> No.14245403

>>14243459
i actually liked this one, the ending made me giggle, cool writing for a quickie.

>> No.14245423

>>14239368
shiiiiit, ah shiiit man. Dem pigs fuckkiin nigga. shiiiit

>> No.14245598 [DELETED] 

>>14239368
On top of the mountain of rubbish, two boards were fucking each other.

>> No.14245608

Out there in the smokey valley piggies made a piggy in the trash

>> No.14245650

The smokestacks dulled the colour of the sky, and made a mist that obscured the structures and the hills in the distance. The labourers followed the shouts of the supervisor who tried to outdo the noises of the construction, ignoring the two boars having sex on the mound of rubbish.

>> No.14245656

>>14243459
Nice

>> No.14245671
File: 74 KB, 816x846, 1572638832460.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14245671

>>14241437

>> No.14245694

Why continue? The rubbish-clad flooring of the mechanised rurals don't fit with what the sow's tit aims to feed in the future. Fuck. It's time their piggy minds realise that new life's futile.
Imbecile? Nah. Primal? Maybe. Maybe their actions are not of their own volition? Likely, but what if they're just like me? Shambling through the shit-caked swamps of my situation, a euphemism of how I'm livin'. Shit. I can't look any more.

>> No.14245700

Amidst the ruins of civilisation, two piges proceed with sweet pige-on-pige action. A new era is about to begin: the era of pige.
FIN

>> No.14245711

>>14245403
>>14245656
Cheers lads

>> No.14245769

>>14239368
O the warthog! How gently doth he copulate amidst the slop.

>> No.14245789

Powerful...

>> No.14245792

>>14239402
Ha haaaaaa based based based

>> No.14245819

All is fair in love and war,
That black boar's arse: my paramore.

>> No.14245823

>>14245819
kino

>> No.14245841

>>14245819
not prose but based

>> No.14246042

Pigs lie abed where mankind's trash got shed.

>> No.14246049

Do all you idiots fail to see the massive construction going in the background?

>> No.14246075

>>14246049
is this your contribution? Is mounted boar saying that or mounter? 3/10

>> No.14246374

>>14241437
the syllables don't match up

>> No.14246380

>>14246049
the mind of a coomer

>> No.14246390

Two boars fucked atop a landfill near a factory.

>> No.14246482

>>14245694
Too vulgar and too heavy handed with philosophy, even orwell was more subtle than this
Try again, and this time apply yourself

>> No.14246506

>>14239368
Amid the wastelands. See the two creatures that rut. The animal act of procreation among trash of humanity. Behold the towering pipes in the polluted distance. One releasing a faint, grey smoke, as if attempting to harm the air as little as possible. The other, vomiting forth a black cloud of filth, determined to destroy and corrupt whatever it comes across.
The boars care not. They thrive here.
The male releases it's seed.

>> No.14247028

>>14239368
Smogs out hogs out

>> No.14247035

Smoke, Trash, Pigs

>> No.14247072

>>14241440

They are unnecessary, you might as well write the whole book as one sentence.

If you were to write it as:

Among the ... two boars. One was ravaging etc.

It would be much more readable. All I did was add a period and a direct verb indicating the new sentence and bam, suddenly we're in the 21st century. Too many clauses are hard on the eyes and cause fatigue in the reader.

>inb4 but muh favorite author uses tons of clauses and long sentences.

Yes, because people wrote like that way back when. This isn't the 1800s.

>> No.14247356

>>14247072
Wrong. Punctuation and clauses are unnecessary.>>14243000

>> No.14247646

Is it beautiful for man's god adapts to the palate of man's godly hunger?

>> No.14247783

>>14245819
Very good

>> No.14247821

crapitalism BTFO

>> No.14247867

>>14247646
Fuck
I'm too high

Man cannibalized god, and god continues eating and fucking.

>> No.14248153

>>14239368
Two Americans rutting on top of the garbage heap that is the literal height of their culture.

>> No.14248489

the fact that my simp WASP husband whom I decided to marry after crossing my thirties and seeing the first wrinkles at the corners of my eyes took me the a garbage disposal facility to celebrate our betrothal;
and the fact that the smokestacks white at the base and black at the top reminded me of my new's husband dick, prick, tick, uptick, ding-dong thing, the moment it came out of Tyrone's inside and out black arse;
and the fact that the black smoke billowing out of the stacks looked my husband's premature ejaculation on my bull's dark Congolese black spine;
the fact it was weird my husband had black, nigrescent, abyssal, funereal, ashen, sperm after drilling my big Man Tyrone, my boo, my muscley nigger baby, my bull;
and the fact my big black boyfriend was from Tshopo province, Democratic Republic of Congo, and had worked as a collector of bushmeat before coming here as an poor immigrant with thousands of dollars to spare in his jeans;
and the fact that he looked sick and sniffed and coughed a lot after the last visit home but said everything's fine and if it's Ebola or Marburg he'd fuck my daughter and it would be all right;
and the fact the place smelled like burning garbage but enhanced thousandfold, burning flesh, burning bush, burning plastic, burning cum, burning, burning, burning burns;
and the fact I couldn't see shit because of the sickly ghostly caustic mist that irritated my eyes and brought to tears while I stood on heaps upon heaps of trash in this perverted Silent Hill, Silent Mill, Onions Green, Iceland Grill;
and the fact when I turned I saw two hogs of nigrescent skin preparing for a fucking with one standing still in trance and the other covering her back and holding her in a rapist vice with his stubby incel legs;
and the fact my much abused and drilled labia, lips, petals, curtains, beef flaps, veils, become heavy then swelled then parted;
and the fact that I was getting really turned for the first time since tasting my first black cock at the age of seventen as I stood thinking about fucking a black hog on my marriage day the first year after the vanishing of youth

>> No.14249039

>>14247072
What you're essentually asking for is a uniform writing style that conforms to an arbitrary clause limit in order to maximize audience and thereby maximize profits. All in all you are the definition of bugman and lack any sense of aesthetics, please never post in threads such as these again

>> No.14249052

>>14241223
“night” is not an adjective for “sky”

>> No.14249065

>>14239425
50knigger novel guy, is that you?

>> No.14249954

>>14249052
...yes it is

>> No.14249957

>>14249954
nuh uh

>> No.14250062

>>14239368
Some big black pigs starting fucking piggystyle on a giant fuckoff pile of trash. The air was smoggy cuz some cunt put a factory there. But the factory wasn't like RIGHT there it was kinda in the background if you get what i mean.

>> No.14250068

>>14240293
can I get some critique on this?

>> No.14250141

>>14239834
while you're technically right, you've missed the entire point of this thread and don't know how to have fun. are you an autist?

>> No.14250651

>>14240293

Towers don't float
Second sentence is kind of original and funny
>Black and ... above while
This part is unnecessary and repeats the floating.
Shades don't reside, they are seen
>An abundance of ashes, even greater of dust
This is ungrammatical
>it all seems to go on
It doesn't refer to anything, this is meaningless
>for in God we trust
Cliché
>Atop a ... anyone else
This part is decent
>A charcoal Adam and an onyx Eve?
Also decent
>Or are ... ark does
Yeah you really shit the bed here, waiting on guests is ambiguous, but considering it's waiting on and not waiting for I'll assume they are the waiting staff (your intention doesn't matter, this is what the text says), but you said they are the first, so that doesn't make sense.
The Ark here is nonsensical, you can't just mishmash religious symbolism and hope that it makes sense.
>An exciting time, indeed
This is a sort of meta-tell. Don't tell the reader that something is exciting, the reader judges the text, don't tell him what to think.

>> No.14250661

>>14250068
It's shit. You haven't got any talent.

>> No.14250667

>>14249039

>maximize audience

Yeah, writing is communication, disphit. Why would you purposely make something harder to understand?

>> No.14250671

>>14250667
To keep out all the dipshit plebs, fucking duh.

>> No.14250675

>>14249052

Any word that describes a quality of a noun is an adjective.

>> No.14250683

>>14250675
but if i was counting the number of adjectives someone used to describe “sky”, i wouldnt include “night”

>> No.14250684

>>14250671

>t. Has never even tried to publish a story ever.

Editors eat boys like you for breakfast.

>> No.14250689

>>14250683

Yeah and you'd be wrong, it's ok to be wrong.

>> No.14250724
File: 198 KB, 604x516, 1556643500598.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14250724

>>14239368
Two black boars fuck in a smoggy garbage dump.

>> No.14250902

two hogs had sex, overlooking the city. Oink Squoink.

>> No.14250906

>>14250684
God you must be such a trash author if that's your mindset

>Everyone should stick to a strict writing style that requires the least amount of talent or else their failure is imminent and inevitable

>> No.14251239

>>14243000
Critique this one

>> No.14251244

>>14250684
Come on yo, 50 shades of grey and Harry Potter got published don’t make out that it’s some great feat.

>> No.14251286

>>14239368
What drew my eye first was the mohawks. The two boars had what my father would describe as "some bangin' ass hair." I wondered why these creatures, these 'razorbacks' evolved in such a way. What purpose did these mohawks serve? It was a moment before I registered their sexual activities, and never did I register it with any particular shock or interest. Animals will do what they will do, and I supposed doing it choked with smoke in the shadow of a factory was as good a place as any.

>> No.14251292
File: 154 KB, 729x638, 1574836183218.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14251292

>>14239368
Two blacks fuck in their natural habitat, a wasteland created by those far beyond them in culture and sophistication.

>> No.14251312

>>14239368
They call it home, where they send the true cost of their greed filled ventures for the masses to bear, to eat, to drink. Their children look in center stage

>> No.14252215

>>14243000
I'm not sure why you're rejecting the comma, it'd make your writting way more effective

>> No.14252267

>>14245819
based

>> No.14252275

>>14243000
awful, learn to punctuate properly

>> No.14252320

>>14239368
what wretched mutant

has polymeric arrogance created?

oh no

the boar fug

>> No.14252356

>>14239642
Velvet void shrouds corpulent desire.

Gleaming disks of crystal encase a weary gaze

Waning now, his vital fire

Longing, once more, for orgasmic daze

>> No.14252401

>>14251286
not bad

>> No.14252419

>>14250689
youre being shallow and pedantic

>> No.14252435

>>14250684
>you should write according to 21st publishing aesthetics, maximizing reach and profit
How about you are the death of art

>> No.14253585

>>14252215
It messes up the page and it’s easy to read without them

>> No.14253593

>>14252275
Punctuation is not necessary

>> No.14253598

>>14251286
you should elaborate on your dad a bit more, make a stronger connection to the scene, dont just namedrop him

>> No.14253608

>>14243000
i like the lack of commas, except for the sentence that starts
>A boar mounting his mother...
that sentence is hard to read without them

>> No.14253616

>>14243000
>>14253608
to elaborate, i think there should be a single comma after “refuse”

>> No.14253627

>>14253616
or simply rewrite the sentence so you dont need commas

>> No.14253649

>>14248489
Very underrated reference

>> No.14253781

>>14253593
You’re not Joyce, yes it is

>> No.14253871

>>14253781
Oh get over yourself, if Mccarthy can do it so can he
The comma is implied and therefore not actually needed, it may take a bit to get it but once you do it's one of the best ones here

>> No.14253898

>>14239368
If one could see past the smog, perhaps the smokestacks would cease. If one could climb atop the highest mound of lifeless dirt, maybe then at such a height, they could find a breath of life in the distance. Perhaps if just for a moment, the tractors and machines fell silent, one could hear a birds whistle, a far cry away. But instead, all we can see is a disgusting reality. Your parents.

>> No.14253912

>>14239853
I like this

>> No.14253934

>>14239368
Though Technocapital-AI desroys humanity, whether through pollution, war or Channel 0 hyperstition, it neglects to destroy the beast. The beast lives on and adapts to all circumstances.

>> No.14253937

>>14253871
>the comma is implied there not actually needed
Jesus Christ, is this the depths /lit/ has sunk to? I suppose pointing out how retarded you are isn’t actually necessary either, it’s implied in your flagrant faggotry with regards to the English language.

>> No.14253952

>>14239368
One hog fucked another atop society’s detritus.

>> No.14253971

>>14239368
pigs be fuckin

>> No.14254004

>>14239368
Filth, it's all just filth. only swine could enjoy these putrid pits man has left behind. It even towers to the sky spouting viscous smog over the tar lands.
only pigs and niggers (black as the lungs of a fourty year old used up woman as she puffs away her life while clinging to a prime that never was) can survive here. They are a mold that lives of the garbage of more evolved beings.

>> No.14254014

>>14239642
Unafraid and uncaring of social stigma he broadcasted to all passers-by his vanilla but fervent degeneracy, hoping to find others as spoiled as he.

>> No.14254022

>>14253937

t.triggered

>> No.14254040

>>14253937
Refute him anon
That guy can choose not to use comma's like how that other guy can choose to have more than four clauses in his sentence

>> No.14254135

>>14254040
I can choose to call it shit. He’s not deliberately missed the comma, surely anyone can see that. He’s obviously illiterate and just covering his ass with this ‘it’s stylistic’ bullshit.

>> No.14254163

>>14254135
Plenty of authors have done similar things before anon, for example mccarthy's complete rejection of the semicolon. There's literally nothing wrong with what he wrote

>> No.14254263

>>14254163
McCarthy is a) McCarthy, and b) doing it deliberately. The sentence needs punctuation, otherwise it is genuinely bad.

>> No.14254305

>>14254135
Are you seriously saying you're unable to read with out commas, semicolons etc. directing you?

>> No.14254320

>>14254263
>The sentence needs punctuation, otherwise it is genuinely bad.


Comma in this sentence is redundant. You shouldn't be criticizing use or misuse of punctuation.

>> No.14254327

>>14254263
>McCarthy is a) McCarthy,
Being a famous author doesn't make him a special case
>b) doing it deliberately
The anon said that he had done deliberately before anyone gave him criticism

>> No.14254415
File: 53 KB, 179x178, cricket 6.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14254415

>>14239368
Though the land was ill
they rut upon the hill.
Two boars alike in appearance,
as dominant takes its entrance.
Above all the sky burns.

>> No.14254507

COWES FUCKIN

>> No.14254550

>>14254305
No, obviously I can read it. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s bad English. >>14254320
No it isn’t. It needs a comma.
>>14254327
Yes it does. No he didn’t.

>> No.14254720

>>14254550
>Yes it does
Being a successful author doesn't give you special magic powers
> No he didn’t
You haven't been paying attention
Look at the first reply to the text we're discussing, in which he states that punctuation is unnecessary

>> No.14254774

>>14254720
It doesn’t give you special powers, but to imagine that McCarthy began writing like he finished writing is naive. You need to walk before you can run with these things. Breaking stylistic norms needs to come with a purpose - Joyce finishing Ulysses with pure stream-of-consciousness to capture the dreamlike state that Molly is in, for example. The dude just seems to be writing without punctuation out of some meaningless rebellion against form.

>> No.14254787

>>14254550
actually that anon did say he did it on purpose...

>> No.14254792

>>14254774
It seems like you just need to practice reading anon, the piece is easily readable to me.

>> No.14254836

>>14254774
It's called experimenting anon, you'll never know if it can work if you don't try

>> No.14254838

>>14254792
The legibility is not the point here. The point is that it is an abuse of language which adds no overarching artistic quality. It’s just a banal quirk for the sake of distinguishing his writing from others, not on the basis of quality, but on its bare syntactical difference. It’s a cheap trick, a joke.

>> No.14254876

>>14254838
Or perhaps he just finds it less stifling to write while not using commas? Stop trying to force your autistic dogmas upon him and accept that writers can write as they please

>> No.14254882

>>14254838
>The point is that it is an abuse of language

watch out everyone the language police are here.

>> No.14254890

>>14254838
>The legibility is not the point here.

If it's legible and comprehendible then there no need for the comma.

>> No.14255044

>>14254263
>you can only be stylistic if you’re already famous, otherwise—back off!
yeesh

>> No.14255073

>>14254838
>It’s just a banal quirk for the sake of distinguishing his writing from others, not on the basis of quality, but on its bare syntactical difference. It’s a cheap trick, a joke.
Projecting armchair psychologist

>> No.14255100

>>14254876
>>14254882
>>14254890
>>14255044
>>14255073
Why are you all so angry? Are you so bad at writing that someone telling you to use commas triggers you?

>> No.14255155

>>14255100
I am not angry, I just disagree with the notion that you need to “earn the right” to write stylistically. It’s bootlicker, appeal to authority nonsense.
>You need to earn the right to not use commas so when you write make sure you use commas even if your end goal is writing without commas. Also I know you’re only doing it to be noticed btw.
Your position is stifling, annoying, and belongs in grade school. Have a good day.

>> No.14255159

>>14241298
Good one

>> No.14255182

>>14247035
Thank you, Hemingway

>> No.14255400

>>14255100
If anything the anon calling people a “flagrant faggot” for not using commas is the angry one

>> No.14255504

>>14239368
Garbage patch, boars fucking, used.

>> No.14255508

>>14239368

Modern America in all its splendor.

>> No.14255532

>>14239368
Haiku haiku hey!
Haiku haiku haiku ho!
Hey haiku oh yeah!

>> No.14255795

>>14239368
The smokestacks belched black smoke into the air, below, on the piles of garbage at the edge of the district, a soot black boar mounted his gf