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/lit/ - Literature

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14203684 No.14203684 [Reply] [Original]

what do you think of this poem I wrote?

>> No.14203996

bumppppijeflnlerfew

>> No.14204005

>>14203684
Read this aloud to yourself and tell me if you think it sounds good

>> No.14204106

>>14203684
It’s great keep it up

>> No.14204341

>>14203684
are you a woman

>> No.14204485

>>14203684
better than anything I could write, but thats not saying much

>> No.14204534

I had to read it in a black rapper inflection to enjoy it at all. Also, explicate does not rhyme with palate.

>> No.14204587

>>14204534
>cate
>late

Cmon son.

>> No.14204649

>>14204106
thnx

>>14204341
no

>> No.14204701

>>14204587
Expli"kate"
Pal"et"

>> No.14204793

>>14203684
it's just nice prose with random newlines

>> No.14205249

bumpppwelkfnew

>> No.14205263

>>14204701
It doesn't have to be a perfect rhyme in order rhyme.

>> No.14205303

I hate this type of shit but I can tell it was technically good

>> No.14205308

>>14203684
post more

>> No.14205321

>>14203684
It’s good keep on writing, better than most “poetry” posted on here

>> No.14205467
File: 415 KB, 2306x1406, Screen Shot 2019-11-20 at 5.11.25 PM.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14205467

>>14205308
sure

>> No.14205474
File: 79 KB, 732x548, Screen Shot 2019-11-20 at 5.10.23 PM.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14205474

>>14205467

>> No.14205480
File: 160 KB, 720x1318, Screen Shot 2019-11-20 at 5.14.05 PM.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14205480

>>14205474

>> No.14205675

bumppomlregfe

>> No.14205684

>>14203684
i hate it. it used a shit ton of useless words to paint a picture when it could have just explained what the fuck it was talking about. poetry isn't about tricking the reader or obscuring meaning, it's about sharing value and emotion. if someone reads your poem and doesn't know what the fuck's going on, they're stupid, but you're also a bad writer. QED.

>> No.14205696

>>14205263
the absolute state of anglo pseuds

>> No.14205718

>>14205696
Not OP but imperfect rhymes are found in poetry all the time. Dickinson especially. I find that you are ill-read if this comes as a surprise.

>> No.14205736

>>14205718
i can't believe it's 2019 and people think rhyming and poetry have anything to do with each other. jesus.

>> No.14205817

Sounds like someone trying way too hard to be T.S. Eliot.
It's very good, nonetheless.

>> No.14205833

>>14203684
I can't tell if you're enjambing early or late but something feels odd. I still think it's decent though.

>> No.14205838

>>14205480
>>14205474
stop listening to rap

>> No.14205845
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14205845

>>14205736
>i can't believe it's 2019 and people think rhyming and poetry have anything to do with each other. jesus.

i really hope this is bait

>> No.14205851

>>14205845
out of curiosity, what's the last book of poetry you read published within the last ten years, and how many rhymes were in it?

>> No.14205855

>>14203684
Is this free verse? The first line, for instance, has no discernible footing. The separation between lines seems random due to that.

/ / / u u u / u u / u /
The song started with intention: to explicate

>> No.14205930
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14205930

>>14205851
your whole thinking is inherently flawed; you try to copy the modern mediocrity instead of aspiring to ascend even beyond the great heights of the past.

maybe you aren't even enthusiastic and try to force yourself to produce anything without having the inspiration or skills necessary. if you only learn from rap lyric and mira gonzalez tier dreck you can't really develop yourself in any meaningful way.

maybe you just intend to be a pseud or craftsman instead of a great artist, nevermind my post in that case :3

>> No.14205934

>>14205930
So instead of answering my question you assumed it was an attack on your ego and you typed a bunch of shit. Cool. Hope that strategy works out for you.

>> No.14205941

>>14205851
>poetry you read published within the last ten years
i shig

>> No.14205951

>>14205930
Ironically you're the pseud here. Pretty much every great poet wrote poems that didn't rhyme.

>> No.14205953

>>14205941
Very well-phrased rebuttal, anon. Your community college education is definitely paying off.

>> No.14205989

>>14205951
occassionally, yes
but their greatest works have rhyme and meter
>>14205934
no i didn't and i'd go as far as hitting you with a "no u" and asking you to reread my post

take into account im german and we arguably have way better poetry and poets than you anglos :3

>> No.14206000

>>14205953
his point is most likely the same as mine: why would you do that? how many great paintings have you seen that have been painted in the last 10 years ? doesnt mean paintings have to be abstract bs made of period blood

>> No.14206017

>>14205930
Cringe

>> No.14206045
File: 1.69 MB, 3000x4243, lenz geerk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14206045

>>14206000

I've seen a lot of great paintings made in the last 10 years.

>pic related

>> No.14206370

Bumpppkdjdjdj

>> No.14206396

Pretty solid OP

>> No.14206539
File: 94 KB, 842x622, Screen Shot 2019-11-20 at 8.20.37 PM.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
14206539

here's another