Old home videos and a philosophical question

[Anonymous No.14161065]

God damn, I'm watching an old home video from 6-7 years ago, I can barely handle it. I can see the ugly incel chinless weirdo schizoid I was in real time, yet I was completely unaware of it at the time. I'm still exactly like that now, haven't changed a fucking bit.

It's brutal, I see all my family members who have grown and gotten careers and moved on and outward in life, establishing new friendships and relationships, going places, taking new opportunities and coming back with new stories, yet I am still the same weirdo incel loser I was close to a decade ago. I just sat there silently in all the videos, exactly as I would do today because I'd be afraid to talk on the camera. I'm such a worthless loser, and I look the part too. Zero chin or jaw, big, long horse face, horrible thin, sickly hair with a receding hairline, big bags under my eyes like I'm dying, just an unpleasant looking person. Seeing yourself next to others you know in third person and how full of life and energy they look is brutal.

Here is the philosophical question I want to ponder: Can people actually change? Can your fundamental personality ever change? I've tried so hard to make myself a better person and more normal but I just don't ever see a period where I'm a talkative, outgoing, energetic person who isn't an ugly schizoid weirdo. Is it really possibly to change at a fundamental level?

[Anonymous No.14161086]

How much exercise have you tried? If you’ve been held back by appearances it’s always a good bet, and it does wonders for energy, confidence, and sharpness of mind.

IMO it seems like people
Who make big “changes” to themselves aren’t changing who they are, but redirecting the energies that stem from them uncontrollably into more positive directions. You have to just follow your guts kind of and be what you are, that doesn’t mean An incel loser or whatever though. I mean like if you’re a naturally timid person, play it as best you can, but don’t try to become an extrovert when you’re not. People can smell faked funk but they respect people who are true to themselves

[Anonymous No.14161089]

Suffer and hope something comes of it, kill yourself, or try to find an in between; it matters and doesn’t matter all the same.

[Anonymous No.14161113]

Think of yourself and all your traits as foot paths worn into a hill. Some of these paths are very worn and old, some are barely visible. You have created these paths by walking the same routes over and over. To desire a change in yourself is to desire a new path. Is it possible to make the change, but it takes patience and perseverance. Most people find those things hard, it is easier to keep walking the same paths.

[Anonymous No.14161125]

>>14161065
Although I have no recommendations for the question you posed OP, I think you might find consolation (and more importantly edification) from reading the likes of Kafka, Pessoa, Nietzsche, Cioran, etc. You might also appreciate Thomas Mann's short stories which typically concern sensitive odd outsiders yearning for the gaiety of their fair-haired bourgeois peers -- 'Little Herr Friedemann', 'The Road to the Churchyard', 'Tristan', and 'Tonio Kroger' are good examples.

You might also get something from Houellebecq's essay 'To Stay Alive'.

[Anonymous No.14161143]

If I woke up in your body I would actually blast myself
Not saying it’s the best option but you sound like a freak and type like a retard but idk man

[Anonymous No.14161153]

>>14161065
OP, I always wonder the same question and it's been a depressing road to see every sign and notice point to the straight, hard "NO", yet have every person you come across constantly point you in the opposite direction. People will deny the truth to their last breath if it means saving themselves from pain and misery. It's miserable thinking about the fact that people don't and can't change.
Read Nietzsche, read his Zarathustra, if you can pull something out of it, there may be hope for you to move on with your life, granted you are ready to accept pain and suffering and death as the points of your being alive.

[Anonymous No.14161165]

I actually don’t believe fundamental aspects of your personality can be changed. I don’t know if there’s any way to take a shy person and transform them into the life of the party, center of attention type person others are. There are ways of living that optimize the type of person you are (meaning certain jobs and lifestyles) but I think you’re just inducing more suffering if you try and go against your fundamental nature. Just please be sure that you’re actually mentally sound before you declare yourself an unfixable weirdo, it might just be that you’re suffering from some mental illness.

>>14161143
>type like a retard but idk man

The irony here is your post is by far the worst written in the whole thread.

[Anonymous No.14161184]

>>14161165
>The irony here is your post is by the worst written in the whole thread
Says the schizoid writing paragraphs of nonsense

[Anonymous No.14161224]

I can't follow '19 4chan trend anymore
What is all with the chin?

[Anonymous No.14161231]

>>14161224
I think it's because Donald has a genetic regressed chin, and all his children inherited it, so it has come more into public attention. His daughter Ivanka got plastic surgery to fix it though

[Anonymous No.14161234]

>>14161231
People really having (((rent free))) as their biological-father figure?

[Anonymous No.14161266]

You realizing that watching old videos reminds me of this weird feeling I'd get every morning in my last year of college, where for a while I felt like I could see myself how others see me, and I'd panic realizing how much of a loser I am. Eventually I'd calm down because then I'd remind myself of all the terrible lies I tell myself about who I am, but being deprived of that for just a few minutes was soul-crushing.

To answer your question, I think so, but I think we all approach these things in the wrong way, you know?

Like, for example, introverted men think they can act extroverted and fake it until it becomes second nature, and maybe that does work to a degree, but this isn't how our personalities are built. When we were first building them, we didn't rationally select a set of attitudes and stuck with it for years. The process was subconscious. There were key moments here and there where we felt insecure, or we felt like the odd one out, or we felt intimidated, and these moments culminated in a slight trend that snowballed throughout the years into a shy, avoidant, shitty personality. If you want to change, you can't just start acting a complete different way, you need to change the trend and respect the time it takes for your mind to unlearn that behavior and learn new ones. You need to put yourself in the right conditions where this new likeable personality can grow. It shouldn't be a conscious effort all the time, because your brain will learn intuitively if it receives the proper feedback.

[Anonymous No.14161523]

>>14161065
>Here is the philosophical question I want to ponder: Can people actually change?
Only through God's help. If you're an atheist you're shit out of luck.

[Anonymous No.14161534]

Have a couple psilocybin trips. You’ll be a changed man.

[Anonymous No.14161550]

>>14161065
How do i unsubscribe from this blog?

[Anonymous No.14161554]

>>14161086
>don’t try to become an extrovert when you’re not. People can smell faked funk
i cringe thinking back on my failed extrovert career in college