Write what's on your mind

[Anonymous No.14114064]

>no write what's on your mind thread

[Anonymous No.14114080]

Just wrote the start to a short story from a worm's perspective, will post when I get to my computer

[Anonymous No.14114092]

What I'm writing has been written by smarter men than me. Why do I shy away from just writing a comfy surrogate father/son novel about the last magical boy and his adventures therein? It would be so much more fun than this protocyberpunk no longer human rip off

[Anonymous No.14114098]

Why do I never see old weebs? Is there some force that kills them once they turn 30?
will it take me too?

[Anonymous No.14114121]

>>14114064
I can only do what I can, and what I can do to the utmost I cannot, my mentality fails me, my confidence degrades more and more, my motivation is a nuisance. I continue to try but my goal is so far, these manic moments of sadness just go and go.

If I'm not distracted with the trade of life I sit and ponder my obvious blights, the obvious blights.
Responsibility and direction with minor pursuits
I'm honestly just one small brute, petite in all, minor in life.
Love is just what I want, someone to hug, someone to kiss, someone I can be happy around, and they can be happy for me.

Sucess is far, strength is strong, a will that persists, a will that can push but cannot lift.

Ty for reading my blog.

[Anonymous No.14114122]

>>14114098

They grow out of it

[Anonymous No.14114145]

>>14114064
I've been surprisingly happy today. A rare moment in between near constant neurotic excess. I'm thinking I might just make it :)

[Anonymous No.14114146]

>>14114121
It was a pleasure.

Keep writing, your voice is strong but it could be more coherent.

[Anonymous No.14114164]

I've noticed lately that people who "see therapists" have a whole therapy lexicon built into their thoughts. every thought and action has to be micro-assessed to see if it's "healthy", but it's all toward toward the end of being happy and conflict-free. It seems like there's some better end to aspire to than that. They all have these pithy expressions they say that their therapist told them "Wherever you go there you are" shit. I can't stand it. I can't even explain exactly what creeps me out about it. It's like they've all failed at producing their own independent system of judgement of the world, and their closest approximation is a series of religious cliches that they apply when appropriate. I'm afraid that seeking help for the shit that's fucked up about me would turn me into one of these "my therapist says" bots. Has anyone thought about this? Does anyone have any more insight on what's going on here?

[Anonymous No.14114168]

Let me tell you of this new fantasy I’ve been having. I want to attend a family gathering. Not for anyone’s birthday, or any holiday, but just a typical barbecue. When I arrive, I’ll wait for them to be irreverent towards my arrival. And, now, I’ve not figured the method yet but I’m leaning towards the following: I want to arrive with a gun, shoot myself in the head, and collapse on the floor. Maybe I’ll even yell in a gregarious manner “Heeeeeeeey!” and then when everyone looks **BAM!**. Immediately everyone will look and catch the last glimpse of my body limpidly falling to the ground. It would draw an obvious and immediate conclusion of what transpired. Then someone or some few running to my body with the blood pooling underneath. Them closing in on an understanding that what happened is irreversible. The unsettling feeling in their stomach, and the foresight of all the misery and grief, and for a moment, I would make them feel how I feel when I am sitting lonely in the corner, with no one really caring how I’ve been shut out of every conversation.

Just a fantasy.

[Anonymous No.14114176]

>>14114164
the best relationship with my therapist was a good friend whose opinion i admired and respected. there's nothing inherently wrong with agreeing with any one person's particular insight on a wealth of matters.

[Anonymous No.14114181]

When did the slang "woke" go from meaning that someone is privy to obscure information or just generally knowledgeable, to being a descriptor for SJW stuff?

This change seems to have happened overnight

[Anonymous No.14114187]

>>14114168
just tell that to them verbatim

they'll understand

[Anonymous No.14114192]

>>14114168
You need to tell someone off

[Anonymous No.14114201]

>>14114064
I’m cursed to love a girl far too young for me. For months I’ve been drinking the sweetest water, with the most bitter aftertaste. Now I must either find a way to purify the water, leaving only the good taste, or somehow quench my thirst entirely, and say goodbye to that heavenly fountain. But both tasks seem impossible without divine intervention.

[Anonymous No.14114209]

>>14114164
I have been watching therapy videos on YouTube for the past two days. I'm considering going to one because my problems have become worse over the past month or so. It seems like there are so many schools of therapy that I don't know where to start.

[Anonymous No.14114214]

>>14114192
>>14114187
I'm just hyperemotional. To be honest, the account here isn't very fair to them and is most likely one-sided. Most likely an oil and water kind of thing. Life is just what life is sometimes, and sometimes the lesson to be learned is that things are to be hard for no reason other than things having happened in the way they did. How many iterations of flowers withered away before there was a lotus?

[Anonymous No.14114220]

I just feel so tired of it all. I want to lay in my bed and cuddle with some cute girl who I curl up next to, hearing her cute, adorable little snores.

[Anonymous No.14114223]

>>14114201
I want you to know that I laugh every time I come across one of your posts

[Anonymous No.14114242]

I hate living in America because there are no genuine people here besides some white rural folk, everyone is mystery meat, modern American English is a disgusting language, the whole country is basically one giant economy fueled by a thirst for dollars, burgerpunk dystopia, etc. I can't go back yet because I haven't earned as much shekels as I would like to. I will have to hurry before I am consumed and turned into mystery meat myself though.

[Anonymous No.14114243]

I need a job. I am below nothing but cleaning toilets and customer service. Will calling potential employers by phone help me or should I just stick to cover letters and resumes?

[Anonymous No.14114245]

>>14114223
go ahead

[Anonymous No.14114247]

Should I write women by formula or example?
I enjoy the comfort of conforming fairly closely to 'writing what you know'--finding coherence in character interaction by memory of past dynamics displayed to me, but I don't want anything I write to feel like domestic fiction.

[Anonymous No.14114250]

Jesus, all day I think about her. I love being around her and when I am, life is like an unending stream of sugar glazed air. I love her, but I'm old enough and experienced enough to know I don't love her. I'm 26, aren't I too old for such juvenile infatuations?

She knows, and the more she knows it, the more of her I lose. I don't know what's worse: to experience these heightened feelings and constantly become powerless, or to never experience them at all and go through life grey. However which way, I remain tortured.

[Anonymous No.14114259]

I got an interview for a good full-time job today, and though I'm glad to think that my life may be about to demonstrably improve for once, I'm also worried about whether I can deal with leaving my semi-NEETdom.

[Anonymous No.14114260]

engaging in hatred all day is a waste of my time and degrades my quality of life and mental health, but i cannot stop

[Anonymous No.14114311]

Why is it that so many religionposters here will go on and on about reasoned, logical arguments about their religion from their favorite theologians but clam up the second you ask them to justify why their religion is the correct one and fall back to "it's just faith bro" or "because my religion says it's the correct one" (obvious circular reasoning)? This isn't bait, I'm a reformed atheist that's routinely accused of heresy by christposters.

[Anonymous No.14114321]

>>14114311
>I'm a reformed atheist
How does one go from atheism back to religion? Did you take memes seriously or get hit in the head with a club?

[Anonymous No.14114328]

I should have taken that contracting job, my families life would be better off. I sacrificed for my wifes dreams but she could have done it anywhere. Now I feel stuck and useless and the new baby is adding to the stress. Im so lonely I'm on 4chan again after 8 years of not using it just to feel some connection to humans. I truly suck

[Anonymous No.14114340]

After writing well for three weeks straight I crashed yesterday and didn't write a word. Today I tried again and only got in half my normal word goal.

I think it's safe to say I've lost my stride. I'm not sure how or if I can recover from this

[Anonymous No.14114353]

>>14114321
Well I didn't really go "back" because I was raised irreligious. I stopped being an edgy reddit atheist once I started reading more philosophy and a bit of theology and realized that people (or at least educated people) didn't literally believe in le skydaddy. Then I realized that certain philosophic views I held could be used to argue the existence of God (albeit in a weaker sense than most take "God" to mean) which caused me to start looking at religion more seriously.

But, I still can't take it entirely seriously in part for the reasons talked about in my first post.

[Anonymous No.14114365]

>>14114311
Prophecies, history, literature, wisdom, etc...

[Anonymous No.14114380]

>>14114353
I'm in the same boat. I believe in a God to some extent, but I can't call myself a Christian. Being raised irreligious instills doubts into your mind that are always there.

[Anonymous No.14114447]

coomer is such a lame pun, whoever invented it deserves to die from aspyxiation by bukkaku

[Anonymous No.14114455]

>play out conversations with the people I see in my daily life who I've never actually spoken to
>"haha anon, you're such a CHARACTER"
>write complex scenarios in my head about our blooming friendship that later develops into a romance, later consummating
I feel like an autist but I bet everyone has done this more than once, r-right?

[Anonymous No.14114516]

>>14114242
I hate america but i spent my whole life living here. I really want to write a novel that makes fun of Americans except they would be too dumb to get it and people outside america wouldn't care enough to read it

[Anonymous No.14114530]

I keep getting banned from /k/ for having too strong of an opinion on infantry camoflauge patterns

[Anonymous No.14114543]

>meow

[Anonymous No.14114842]

>>14114250
I can relate, my friend. >>14114201

[Anonymous No.14114879]

>graduated from college last year
>haven't had proper friend since high school, loneliness is part of my daily life
>even then it was really just a couple guys I played vidya with
>we ran a little gaming community with various servers for multiplayer games
>actually somewhat successful, have 10 or so regular members not including ourselves
>decide to look back at our old forum for some reason
>tfw seeing all the silly posts
>tfw seeing the stupid signatures and avatars
>tfw seeing all the posts from people saying how much they love the community
>tfw remembering the fun times hanging out on vent
>tfw never again
I want to go back, take me back ;_;

[Anonymous No.14114919]

It seems to me like I live holding inside my head such a heavy miasma of thoughts and sensations; but every time I want to get rid of them —by way of writing— I just can't put anything into words. Not a single idea. Not a clear sensation. I can't pour whatever I have inside that's killing me. I feel like it's pure, crystallized chaos. An awful paradox. Or maybe it's just nothingness. A painful, spiraling nothingness that I can't get rid of. And this is why I'm always angry and frustrated.
I tried exercise. I tried running. I tried push-ups. But it seems like I just can't outrun this sensation. And this is why I feel desperate. I just can't put it into words; and it is such an awful torture.

[Anonymous No.14115372]

Life is an asshole and I'm desperately trying to muster up the courage to fuck it

[Anonymous No.14115386]

Just finished Catch-22. I haven't laughed this much at a book since I read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 15 years ago. I didn't actually believe I had it in me to be entertained to such a degree by a book any more. Feels good man.

[Anonymous No.14115396]

>>14114164
On one hand I don't see why it should be worse to have your therapist rather than, for example, Marcus Aurelius living in your mind and helping you with the bad thoughts.

On the other hand it feels like USA is suffering from an therapist epidemic. Everyone and their aunt have their own therapist. It might just be a symptom of the problem but it does seem extremely unhealthy.

[Anonymous No.14115403]

How can women be so loathsome yet so lovable?

[Anonymous No.14115430]

>>14114064
My thoughts are getting smaller. Help

[Anonymous No.14115441]

>>14114064
These threads are just an excuse for /r9k/-refugees to bitch and whine and I'm surprised the mods haven't intervened already

[Anonymous No.14115458]

>>14115441
i write little fake stories for practice and to maybe entertain some anons who happen to read them, but i have definitely noticed that most of the posts on here are shitty "poor me" blog posts. i just don't bother reading them anymore. not really sure what the mods are supposed to do about it though.

[Anonymous No.14115471]

>>14115441
You're new here.

[Anonymous No.14115579]

I drove down to the lake the other day, doing my usual thing. Sitting in the parking lot, smoking cigarettes, listening to the radio, watching the boats; you know, the usual thing. Then it hit me, the urge to shit. Thankfully there was a bathroom near by. I went in and locked the door behind me. This wasn't really the best bathroom, it was one of those little buildings built over a big hole in the ground. When you look in the toilet, into the big hole down there, you can see the piss and shit from all the people that came before you. As I sat there shitting into the hole, I couldn't help but feel a sense of uncomfortable intimacy with all those people. The thought of MY shit, laying on top of THEIR shit. Sure all the shit and piss that goes into regular toilets, ends up in the same place, in the sewer. But those shits go through pipes. Those shits have time to adjust. You say goodbye to those shits lightly, cause they're out of sight and out of mind. But this shit, this one that I took in this lake bathroom, I know exactly where that shit is, It's laying right on top of someone else's shit. When I was done shitting I wiped my ass, and as I pulled up my pants and did my belt, I turned around and stared down into that hole. I stared at my contribution this project, this collaboration, the work of countless people, all contained in a hole no deeper than twenty feet. Although you could tell that mine was a fresh contribution, I knew that eventually it would fade and lose it's individuality as it slowly settled into the collective. As I stood there staring into the void of piss and shit, I saw all of humanity, and also my own reflection.

[Anonymous No.14115689]

Sometimes I think "Man, you are too old to smoke. Do you want to be that guy? that really old coughing guy on a bench? always on a bench; he has to sit because he has difficulty standing up. Thats not cool, is it?". And I get all worked up about it, and then I start to sweat and decide to quit for good this time. But then I think "What the hell! Smoking is one of the least bad things that you do. Atleast you're only killing yourself and possibly others, including children, pregnant women, and cripples. That ain't too bad." So what my mind seems to be getting at in a roundabout way is that, for example, I tell lies on a daily basis and do many other things that are worse than smoking. And I do these things each day many times, and have been doing so for quite a while. And I think "When the hell will I be old enough too quit being someone I don't wanna be?" and this thought stresses me out so much that I have to buy myself a fresh pack.

[Anonymous No.14115702]

>>14115458
write me a fake story now or else im gonna whine about myself

[Anonymous No.14115718]

Again, I want to thank the anon who recommended "On the other side of the mountain" by bernanos. Great book. Most literature may be interesting for their style, but the content itself is lame, stories recycled again and again since the bible, just touched up with some accents of contemporary society. Doesn't mean it's bad, just not something I really like.

Bernanos' book was better, the latter half. Wonderful visions of strange worlds, without explanation, just a world dreamt up by this guy. Fantastic. Not fantasy, not science fiction, just something bizarre, like a beksinski painting. Thanks, anon, for recommending this.

[Anonymous No.14115916]

Just thinking about what utter bullshit it is that we are trapped inside of our bodies and other people just consider us to be our bodies. I love online conversation and personas because they let you have the slightest amount of morphological freedom. I seriously hope that mind uploading/resleeving is possible in the future

[Anonymous No.14116006]

>>14115718
thanks for forwarding the rec, I'm gonna check it out.

[Anonymous No.14116030]

I've started turning towards Christianity, but my parents want me to go to their church. The music is horrible, the first thing the pastor talks about every service is why we should give money to them, but they're obviously not hurting. The whole building is about the size of a supermarket, with two worship centers, 6 children's classrooms, two coffee shops, and their own bookstore. It also feels very cliquey, everyone is trying to be someone. I've been more interested in Catholicism the more I read about it, but it seems like I'll have to wait another year before doing RCIA.

[Anonymous No.14116036]

>>14114064
I’m a former incel who’s just found my fucking soulmate, the most cheerful and loving girl ever and I love every minute I spend with her. Is as if the universe answered my call, my plea and now here I am, I’ve found love.

We’re all gonna make it, we’re ALL gonna make it

[Anonymous No.14116048]

I have just come out of the worst year of my life. Strained relationships, financial pain, dreams destroyed, personally humiliated, knocked down a rung professionally. Everything slowly getting better now, but it all just seemed totally unnecessary and avoidable. Experience seems to compound... get a good start, and you follow the signs of love, acceptance, joy, wholesome life. Things get better, you expect that trend and see the opportunity. Good things lead to more good things. Get a bad start, and you see threats in everything, you don't let anyone get close to you because you don't want to be hurt or betrayed, you live inside old trauma, you stoke the fear, the anger, the sadness as if it's some signal fire and you are waiting for the love you never received to come and rescue you and fill all your suffering with meaning. Bad things lead down deeper, to worse, and good things don't even feel real anymore.

[Anonymous No.14116074]

>>14116036
see you in a few weeks faggot

[Anonymous No.14116082]

>>14116036
I hope it works out anon
I don't think it will though

[Anonymous No.14116092]

>>14116030
How subtly ironic that you are shopping around for religion among commercialized Christianity™. True religion comes from within, for free, and without authority.

[Anonymous No.14116111]

how do i cope with being a below average manlet ?

[Anonymous No.14116115]

>>14115441
Occasionally I post something good.

[Anonymous No.14116119]

>>14114064
The coochie no longer has any power over me.This is the greatest high I could ever ask for.

[Anonymous No.14116174]

After years of disinterested relationships with women I couldn't respect, I found a girl I liked. She took the initiative, I got into it. Later, I learned she was cheating on her boyfriend of four years with me. Confronted, she said she would soon dump him. I waited six months but she ended doing nothing. A few weeks ago my patience ran out and I dumped her in a fit of rage.

Now I feel angry and sad – It's getting hard to be ingenuous and sincerely nice whenever I get involved with a new woman. I think about all those BS infographics on /r9k/ about number of sexual partners and happiness and I get scared. Every time I feel like shit because of a woman I re-read the Odyssey and it helps, so I am doing it now.

Is there a book for this feel? Like you're getting old, dry and afraid?

[Anonymous No.14116249]

>>14116006

no problem, anon. Be prepared: The first half is some kind of stereotypical nautical adventure, but it get's amazing in the second half. It's also quite short, a hundred or so pages, can be read in one sitting easily. Don't read anything further about the book, just read the book.

[Anonymous No.14116264]

Stavrogin's farewell letter hits way too close to home.

I wonder when do we get that kind of rabies in the first place, are we born with it? Do we get it unknowingly when we interact with people - be it because of bullies in school, bad parents, heartache from an ending relationship. I do not know if it common or not but I enjoy every new person I meet who has it. The twisted ways they solve simple problems, the way they eyes shine when they do it, it is mesmerizing. To war, always to war with somebody or something. A rare but gorgeous way to waste breath. Still living anyway.

[Anonymous No.14116352]

Feeling tired right now but going to eat some pizza soon and then read some Quisling biography later.

[Anonymous No.14116429]

>>14114064
why can i only seem to craft narrative within the context of another's work. it seems my best writing is not my own, merely the stories I create within an established world or setting. Complex characters, good dialogue, nice interesting plot, but never really my 'own' work. its always in someone elses backdrop.

i fear this is how I also percieve my life. it is my own, but only in a world owned and controlled by others. I want so desperately to claim true ownership of myself, but fear that my life is already devoted to seeking the needs of others.

Degrees in science, employment, a fiancee, and a dog, but i still feel a small but persistant part of me that screams for the abandonment of everything to live alone. to forsake this world and seek hermitage and some other intellectuals through reading or correspondence , is a growing need.

am i crazy because i feel a need to be alone, even as i desperatley dont want to be alone?

[Anonymous No.14116480]

I think I need to break up with my gf. I had the weirdest weekend concerning her. I met a bunch of her friends on Friday and I felt so out of place amongst them. They live such a completely different life from me and the people I surround myself with. And she wants me to become a part of them.
Saturday I met some of my friends and I felt so elated afterwards. Ready to finally tackle all these things I put off. Sunday and Monday I spent with her again and my energy hit rock bottom. No motivation at all, feeling bad all around. Soon as I came home things were looking up. This isn't the first time this happened, but this was the strongest I ever noticed it. I got the urge to turn my life around and I'm honestly not feeling her as a partner in there. At the same time I don't want to lose her completely.

[Anonymous No.14116492]

I was thinking about truediltom lately, and I was struck by this: he had the same exact intellectual development path as richard spencer. Both started out libertarians and ended as weird, sort of white nationalist but not really white nationalist, alt-socialists. Two things struck me as being odd in his belief system: his support for Bernie Sanders, and his embrace of imperialism. White nationalists are generally skeptical of foreign interventions (old racialists argued against war from a eugenic standpoint, the New Zealand mosque shooter explicitly stated that ant-imperialism was an essential part of his political program), and not that many of the /pol/ type feel comfortable embracing someone like Sanders. I then read that Spencer was accused of allowing himself to be controlled by his Russian wife, and then it all made sense. The man is espousing Russian nationalism, not white nationalism. What would strike a westerner as a set of idiosyncratic beliefs makes perfect sense in a Russian context. Socialism at home and imperialism abroad, culture and not genes as the main source of Russian superiority and national solidarity, skepticism of industrialization (a sentiment born out of Russia's material backwardness) and the correlated environmentalism, these are all cornerstones of the ideology of Russian nationalism. This is extremely pathetic. Calling yourself a rebel but then letting yourself be cucked by a thot into adopting what is in Russia a generic belief system (and a false one at that, modern Russia is slightly better than a third world country) is embarrassing enough, following the lead of said cuck is even worse.

[Anonymous No.14116498]

>>14116480
Thats a difficult position you are in Anon. I dont really have any advice unfortunately. The only thing i can say is good luck and whatever happens, happens.

[Anonymous No.14116511]

I knew I was hard as ROCK

[Anonymous No.14116558]

Just had to cut my hair so I won't be thrown out by my parents.

[Anonymous No.14116582]

Starting to realise I don't like my life at uni, nothing wrong with the stuff im studying or uni itself. I just feel like I'm trapped there since I don't see anyway I could go with my life that doesn't include studying, or has high risk of becoming piss-poor. Feeling "trapped by the system" as it were. Just doing 5 years of excessive stress and sleep deprivation for what? So i can get a nice job to work at for 40 years b4 I'm 'allowed' to stop. Meanwhile i'm stuck here with you woman/nigger hating incels untill I die.

What's the use guys

[Anonymous No.14116584]

>>14116429
You should make that your genre. Add a few chapters to part I of Don Quixote.

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !mxvabIoSIE No.14116614]

>>14116558
How old are you?

[Anonymous No.14116615]

>>14116614
old enough for kisses ;)

[Anonymous No.14116626]

>>14116582
bro i feel the same shit. im going not to study something i enjoy, nor to further my intrests, nor really to better myself. I am going to college basically to have a peice of paper other people tell me i need. im memorizing and forgetting information for this shit, so rapidly that each day blurs together. Its terrible that university gives this feeling to people. Its like an honest dread of living this life for the forseeable future.

honestly, extracurricular stuff is so necessary. try and find something there you enjoy in order to balance out the shit.

[Anonymous No.14116628]

>>14116614
I am 20.

[Anonymous No.14116634]

>>14116498
Thanks anon. She said she probably couldn't be friends with me anymore if we broke up, which I think is a shame. It's nice how I have a place to go back to, to just relax and block out my thoughts for a little while. But I'm starting to think it's robbing me off so much time and that it's not really where my heart is at.

[Anonymous No.14116636]

>>14116626
all I do is go to the gym and it’s the best part of my day. All my classes are boring and the people are boring too. I feel like I should be working now

[Anonymous No.14116677]

>>14116636
yeah, but do you do anything with the gym stuff? go see /fit/ about finding swolemates, because the extracurricular is still gonna be your best bet for getting out of a funk.

[Anonymous No.14116717]

I keep thinking about Shostakovich's 7th Symphony.

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !mxvabIoSIE No.14116869]

>>14116628
Sounds like the typical, you go or the hair goes gesture.

>>14116717
I’ll look that up.
Sibelius’ 7th came on my headset a few days ago. Must have been a year or more since I’d last heard it

[Anonymous No.14117089]

>Such is not the course adopted by tyranny in democratic republics; there the body is left free, and the soul is enslaved. The master no longer says: "You shall think as I do or you shall die"; but he says: "You are free to think differently from me and to retain your life, your property, and all that you possess; but you are henceforth a stranger among your people.
>You may retain your civil rights, but they will be useless to you, for you will never be chosen by your fellow citizens if you solicit their votes; and they will affect to scorn you if you ask for their esteem. You will remain among men, but you will be deprived of the rights of mankind. Your fellow creatures will shun you like an impure being; and even those who believe in your innocence will abandon you, lest they should be shunned in their turn.
>Go in peace! I have given you your life, but it is an existence worse than death."
this excerpt from democracy in america actually made me depressed

[Anonymous No.14117123]

>>14114064
I'm never gonna make it. I am way below average intelligence, I don't swallow information like I used to, I don't have any meaningful thoughts, just schizo ones. I'll read something and only understand a portion of it, never being able to use it for my own good, like I used to, can't talk to people, it feels like they're all talking so fast and I have no idea what to say to them because I am too busy making eye contact. The dialogue in movies or books or in reality for me is just that, dialogue. I don't get anything they are saying, can't have a concious understanding or any real opinion. The world feels impossible, like everyone does what they want but I can't do shit.

[Anonymous No.14117193]

>>14116869

[Anonymous No.14117214]

>>14117193
based

[Anonymous No.14117279]

>>14114064
I can perfectly ignore every problem I perceive.

[Anonymous No.14117288]

>>14115441
Containment threads are based. This is the thought that is on my mind.

[Anonymous No.14117365]

>>14116558
That's a hot pic, but something isn't quite right with this edit... Oh I see. The shine and shade on her metals isn't reflecting off her skin correctly. Or maybe the skin tone is clashing with the general color design of her clothes

[Anonymous No.14117370]

>>14116492
i only watched a few truediltom videos in the past, but I've seen quite a few interviews and livestreams with Spencer and i dont think you are right about him. there really is nothing inherently russian about what you said, the whole thing is really a stretch. Spencer isnt even anti industrial, he wants advancement toward space fascism. I'm not even really trying to defend Spencer here, because i'm not really a fan of his, but i just had to say that you should probably think more thoroughly on this theory of yours, because it's held up by the fact that he had a russian wife? this type of thinking belongs on /x/

[Anonymous No.14117384]

>>14116558
based parents, fuck hippies

[« Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ » !mxvabIoSIE No.14117396]

>>14117193
>>14117214

[Anonymous No.14117412]

Today, most of the things that there are, are a blight. Take a step outside. Look down at your walkway. It is made of bricks. But does it tell you anything? Has it been designed with thought, with love, with edification of the bearer in mind? It hasn’t. Most likely, it has been flung together with disdain. The workmen who built it hated themselves, and more importantly, hated you. As they arranged the paving-stones into makeshift floral seleidoscopes, do you know what they were thinking? They were thinking about tea, about their children, about their salaries, about the small tear in the underskirting they needed to mend upon returning “home.” They were not thinking about how your walkway would help you find God.

[Anonymous No.14117529]

>>14116717
started listening to this cause of your comment and i gotta say it's pretty good so far, especially when it starts getting all militaristic sounding. I was imaging a scenario in which a forum starts purging anyone who posts anime related images, or ever even mentions it. just imagine.

[Anonymous No.14117556]

Why don't YOU write what's on my mind?

[Anonymous No.14117572]

I hate my boss's brother. He is fucking retarded. How can someone do something for 20 years and still fuck it up every fucking time?

[Anonymous No.14117574]

>>14117556
the dog

[Anonymous No.14117579]

>>14117529
If you liked the 7th, then the 12th is also good.
Honestly, just listen to every symphony he wrote.
Easily the best composer of the 20th century.

I'd also recommend the memoire attributed to him, titled "Testimony". It's unironically a funny book.
Ian MacDonald's biography titled "The New Shostakovich" is also good.
His life was really interesting.

[Anonymous No.14117607]

I'm worried my life has long since reached an inflection point where it became impossible to ever relate to normal people. Whenever I go to meetups or hang out with one of my few acquaintances I'm always struck by how completely alien their lives are to mine. Especially now that I've finished school and left that semi-structured environment, there's just no commonality left between us. I should have fixed this earlier when I still had a chance, but I didn't. Fucked up high school. Fucked up college. Is there any hope left? Or, no matter what I do, will I always be left on the peripheries, looking in at a world I've never really experienced.

[Anonymous No.14117714]

>>14117607
You read too many novels when you were kid.
>looking at the world I've never really experienced
But you did and you do, in your head and through literature.

[Anonymous No.14117854]

Should I go to my local YMCA and just join a random class? I have literally zero (0) friends and haven't spoken to a person other than my boss in about six weeks.

[Anonymous No.14118366]

Just got turned down from a job offer that had been in the works since July. I'm suddenly overcome with a feeling of helplessness and having nowhere to turn anymore, because before now there had always been more options but now there isn't anything. It was my only chance to be near my family and my girlfriend, who live 800 and 700 miles from me (respectively) throughout most of the year.

Up until this point in my life there's always been something else to do, but now there isn't. I've had this childish dread of being afraid of losing my soul since I was 13 or so from doing things I don't really want to do. Joining a monastery and forging an indestructible bond with God sounds really great right now. I suppose in the past I've felt things like this before, but this feels like the catalyst for everything else collapsing too. Now that the point in my life is coming to such a watershed moment all I want is to be 5 years old again to have another shot at it all. Wanting to be young again is also such a vain, juvenile pursuit, but I just can't outgrow it. All of my time recently has been in perception of getting somewhere else (the past) and tasting that sweet little wistful longing for a better day. My life is very good by most standards, but I suppose this is truth that no real, lasting happiness can spring forth from the earth.

I'm going to walk outside in the cold air to the store and buy something good to eat, I'm in the UK maybe the cold will shock me back into place. Someone please respond and tell me about your experience(s) feeling directionless and hopeless.

[Anonymous No.14118600]

AAUAAAAAAAAUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Anonymous No.14119955]

>>14117607
>it became impossible to ever relate to normal people
I fail to see the problem. Set a new goal for yourself and pursue whatever you seee as worthwhile. Other people and their expectations are an anchor.

[Anonymous No.14119979]

>>14119955
What if my goal is to have a comfy friend group I hang out with in the evenings

[Anonymous No.14119998]

Must meditate to deal with anger.
Must fix sleeping schedule to stop being tired.
Must fix diet to remove excess weight.
Must establish exercise routine to gain muscle mass.
Must quit 4chan to reorganize life (big one).

[Anonymous No.14120007]

OP here. I've started dating a girl who is very cute. She has a lot of followers on instagram and she is very pretty. I'm not so attractive and am fairly introverted. What do I do? I want to stop talking to her because I realize she's way out of my league. I've already banged her but I don't want to get cheated on

[Anonymous No.14120018]

>>14118366

Oh I feel you brother. I don't know how to fix it - it's just going to eat at your gut forever.

My advice would be to go home and talk to your mom. That's the only thing that has ever worked for me.

[Anonymous No.14120037]

While I'm not comfortable being a male, I'm sure that I'm not trans now. Kind of a big revelation for me

[Anonymous No.14120056]

>>14120037
I don't mind trans people but it does annoy me how the online discussion immediately concludes anyone who dislikes some aspect of their gender is actually trans and in denial. Like yeah, if I could choose to be a qt anime girl I probably would but that doesn't mean I'm a "qt anime girl trapped in a male body" and need to begin transitioning.

[Anonymous No.14120113]

>just want to write novels
>too tired from wageslaving to write when i get home
fuck this life

[Anonymous No.14120156]

Yesterday I was breathing heavily and felt heaviness on my chest all day. When I left work for the day my breathing became even heavier and felt close to crying. I went home and faked my way through dinner bearing the weight of what was happening. Went to the gym this morning before work and could barely lift weight that I can typically move easily. At the train station I thought about jumping on the track but felt repulsed by the idea. The heaviness increased and I had to sit down. I turned around at some point and realized my mother, the source of all of this, was at the station. She couldn’t detect anything on my face or maybe she was ignoring it.

I finally talked to the woman at work. She came to wash her dishes in the kitchen sink and I told her she could help herself to our food whenever she wanted. At least that’s what I think I said. My brain was buzzing and still is. I finally heard her voice and it was higher pitched than I imagined.

I don’t know if I am actually going crazy or if I am performing for myself. The heaviness feels intense enough where I doubt I’m faking it. Even if I am I probably still have to see a therapist. I still can’t talk to women and fear rejection.

[Anonymous No.14120183]

>>14114245
I usually like Hisoka being posted but in this context it makes me uncomfortable.

[Anonymous No.14120201]

>>14117854
Yes and I hope you do see this anon.

[Anonymous No.14120367]

Someone I knew from high school texted me asking how I was and I was genuinely surprised and content until he said something I hope I never have the displeasure of reading again: “Hey bro also I’ve been looking at gaming laptops I know you know a lot about this stuff is this one good?”

It’s this type of shit that follows me that makes me want to rope: the idea that i’m the “gaming laptop” guy in someone’s mind and i’m a similarly embarrassing caricature in others’ minds as well. Please God let me die in some accident tomorrow.

[Anonymous No.14120371]

>>14114064
Sleeping is hard.

[Anonymous No.14120381]

>>14120367
anon, i wouldnt look at it that way. they sought you out, had a thought about you, and decided you were good enough to ask.

[Anonymous No.14120414]

>>14114064
So much money was spent on me obtaining my degree in design, but now that I'm working in that field, I feel like I'm falling out of love with it. The only thing that gives me real purpose is writing. At some point, I think I'll need to make that decision, to figure which stream to jump in to. I only pray that I have the courage and means to be able to make that decision.

[Anonymous No.14120877]

I tried to write in my journal today, but the notebook I am using has a terrible binding that refuses to stay open, so writing in it is a constant struggle even on a flat even surface. It doesn't help that my handwriting is abysmal since I never learned how to hold a pen properly. I'd write on my computer but I get distracted too easily.
These are all excuses to get around the fact that I don't have anything interesting to say, and my journal is 90% whining about how unhappy I am and 10% commentary on stuff I've read/watched recently.

>>14120414
At least you're working.

[Anonymous No.14120884]

>>14114064
Someone please for the love of god give me a hug, a nice big hug please

[Anonymous No.14120934]

>>14120884
okay i hugged you, do you feel better?

[Anonymous No.14121171]

>>14120007
don't push people away as a defense mechanism

[Anonymous No.14121350]

"I wonder what kind of man Satan is." he thought. He pulled his hand out of his own anus and flicked it at a passerby. The passerby, screaming, ate shit and died. Poor girl. It was a terrible way to go.

[Anonymous No.14121521]

my life is full of shame and all my friends hate me
but im happy anyway

[Anonymous No.14122345]

I fear the day when, to my horror, I discover that my suicide note -- that I would write in the way most true to my ability, as we show our true selves right before death -- is written in shitty prose.

[Anonymous No.14122391]

I used to read these threads every day but stopped sometime last year because they started to get either very low quality or just quiet. I looked again over halloween and was pleasantly surprised to find that the thread was similar to the old ones, but now it seems it's returned to the new mean.

[Anonymous No.14122393]

>>14121171
I cant help it

[Anonymous No.14122488]

I had a dream last night where I was a kid again, swimming in my grandmother's lake with DFW. I don't understand this at all. Do you guys believe dreams have meaning?

[Anonymous No.14122513]

I'm trying to become /fitlit/, I am already /fit/. I thought that simply achieving goals, being strong, and getting good marks would be enough to satiate me. I find that in addition to these, some kind of philisophical research can help, or even just reading actual books rather than just boards. What keeps all of you reading? How do you begin writing?

I want to throw this post away, I feel that its shit, half of the sentences start with "I". I guess I want to write simply to get things off of my chest, and I have no ego on a board thats new to me

[Anonymous No.14122520]

>>14120018
Thanks for the reply, anon. Talking to my family always helps me too. I dread the day they pass.

[Anonymous No.14122524]

>>14114064
I feel so empty today.
It's weird, yesterday was fine now I feel so blank.
My head spins.
I need to start waking up early again and do the running, that helped

[Anonymous No.14122798]

The undeniable critical flaw in our hedonistic culture is that many people, especially young men, need something to live and aspire for. People crave purpose which consumerism is unable to provide. As a result you have young white men joining (formerly) ISIS or becoming neo-nazis, a reflection more so of listlessness than moral perversion. In this case the pathology is an inflammation of a natural and normal drive for collective identity. Yet all the idols have gone dark, the living flame in their eyes snuffed out. \

The culture of social atomization, cultural narcissism, status obsession, will spell the end of itself. It is primed to implode.

[Anonymous No.14122805]

>>14122798
read Kaczynski for a more complete view of the problems today

[Anonymous No.14122818]

>>14122805
*letter bombs behind u*
hehe, nothing personal kid, just wanted to get some publicity for this manifesto i wrote hehe
subscribe to my patreon

[Anonymous No.14122843]

the /pol/tard and christcuck crowd has mostly been taken over by literal retard zoomers who are absolutely incapable of actual thought and engaging them in any way that's not a helicopter ride is futile as they will just resort to utter retardation. i hink i might despise them even more than the SJWs by now.
no, calling someone a jew doesn't defeat his argument and neither does posting a fedora meme. i wish there where a containment board for the slave fetishists and i wish we would just gas every single midwit.

[Anonymous No.14122856]

>>14122843
prove you’re not a midwit

[Anonymous No.14122873]

>>14122391
there are shifts in quality and vibe, definitely. some threads are really good, some not so good. I agree the Halloween thread was great. it's okay. there will be good ones again.

[Anonymous No.14122920]

>>14114064
I don't know how I fucked up my life so fast. It feels I was 18 a month ago. I often wonder if the problem was how I handled adulthood or coming to America. I have a wife, no degree, a shitty job, and barely enough money to survive. Sometimes I wake up late during the night and I see my wife crying and scratching, almost hitting, her head. I have to be a fucking wageslave and still go to college right after it.

[Anonymous No.14122940]

>>14122843
> no, calling someone a jew doesn't defeat his argument and neither does posting a fedora meme
Of course it does. If it didn't you wouldn't be so utterly seething.

[Anonymous No.14122982]

>>14122520
Hopefully by the time they eventually pass you will have a family of your own that you can lean on.

[Anonymous No.14123144]

it's been a long time since I wrote anything, and I wanna work on something, but I'm uninspired
wat do
fiddle around with word for a couple of minutes until something comes to mind?

[Anonymous No.14123152]

>>14123144
read and think

[Anonymous No.14123166]

>>14123152
what should I read? I wanna make a short psychological horror story, like I've been doing lately

[Anonymous No.14123182]

>>14123166
Turn of the Screw

[Anonymous No.14123224]

Other people are the source of all problems. Nothing else is a problem. I don't care about sickness or disease, it if must come then let it, but please for the love God stop talking.

[Anonymous No.14123279]

There is this one girl I have to work with. She is pretty much the one who thought me how to work and I like her a lot. The problem I have with her is the fact she was sincere with me for a moment and pretty much confirmed that she is still living with her boyfriend because is it rent free. This just doesn't click with me and no matter how hard I try I always end up getting annoyed with her if I let her close to me. I really don't know what to do other than ignoring her and making sure we aren't working on the same shift.

[Anonymous No.14123307]

I've started indoor gardening, it's comfy. I don't just mean keeping houseplants, I got a bunch of pots and planted normal, outdoor plants in them. I got a honeysuckle growing up my wall. I got a little oak tree sapling growing on my desk. I'm trying to grow a rose now.

This is probably really retarded from a gardening perspective but it's enjoyable.

[Anonymous No.14123432]

Haven't been on 4chan for at least a year. Not entirely sure why I quit. Now I'm back and goddamn did I miss you guys. This place is so special and important to me. I can't wait to engage in endless shitflinging arguments that lead nowhere yet happen in absolutely every thread. <3

[Anonymous No.14123496]

Is the best goal one that's unobtainable but *seemingly* obtainable? It seems like whenever you do end up accomplishing something it's not as rewarding as you thought and you quickly find yourself in a funk.

[Anonymous No.14123504]

>>14123224
the problem is within you, you pseud. just stop listening/go away/ try to engage in the conversation in an actually meaningful way.
retard

[Anonymous No.14123697]

>>14114064
Hieronymous Bosch looks like the human version of Wojak.

[Anonymous No.14123745]

>>14116036
>he thinks hormones are real


AAAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA

[Anonymous No.14123785]

I've got around to writing some poetry, and while i know it's shit I'm having a lot of fun doing it. I do wonder if i should show it to anyone, it's nothing edgy, most are pretty innocent. Some are about specific events though.

[Anonymous No.14123806]

I looked back at my old diary entries and man am I a melodramatic bitch. I need to fucking burn this thing.
tfw 90% of it is talking about my old oneitis and wanting to kill myself

[Anonymous No.14123821]

>>14123785
Hello /g/ brother <3

[Anonymous No.14123841]

I read and read and read just to fill the void. Escapism is the only way I can feel true emotions.
Here's the thing though: I'm fine with it.

[Anonymous No.14124063]

>>14120156
go see a doctor? maybe you have lung problems if you cant breath

[Anonymous No.14124187]

How do others see me?
I'm worried

[Anonymous No.14124266]

I hate my current life and I feel called towards either of two alternative paths, but both seem closed off to me. One I can’t pursue because I had handled things poorly when I was young and now have a track record that doesn’t allow me to pursue it further. The other I can’t pursue because of a medical concern that manifested suddenly a few years back and never went away. I feel totally trapped in a life that I find to be absolutely purposeless and it makes me extremely depressed.

[Anonymous No.14124367]

I may sound repetitive, but loneliness fills my heart. I'm lucky that I have a few friends I can rely on, and I'm very grateful for that. But I feel lonely. I want someone with whom I can spend my life happily. I want someone I can hug with, someone I can cry with, someone I can be happy with. I want to spend the rest of my life with that someone. I want to have kids, I want to give them my everything, and I want them to live the happiest lives they can. I'll be a lucky guy if I'll die surrounded by people that I love and I'm proud of. That is one of my goals, and what keeps me fighting, I suppose. I was born a living creature, so this is my end. We all have this purpose, this goal. To keep our kind alive. So fuck those who say that we have no purpose in life, because we clearly have at least one. Only those who choose not to have kids or can't have them are worthless to life.

[Anonymous No.14124368]

how the fuck am i suppose to convice myself to live for the 60-70 something years, jesus fucking christ

[Anonymous No.14124490]

>>14120381
you have the order wrong, they had a thing they wanted, they thought of someone who knew about it, and i came to mind as a result of that thought, this person really wouldn’t give a fuck if i died tomorrow

[Anonymous No.14124539]

Playing with this paint app on my phone gives me a brief sense of satisfaction. I am easily amused, anons. Pic related

[Anonymous No.14124679]

>>14123821
Hi! <3 Gotta remember art amidst endless rush of technology, i guess.
>>14124367
I feel you, much more so than i would like to be honest. For a number of years i really thought i had it, good relation with family, loved one, and a progressing life. I've lost it and now I'm trying to find my way out, it's all that much more bitter after losing it, easily the worst mistake of my life. Guess i had some vice in me, came out at the wrong time. We can make it, you sound like you know what you want and it is a good life that you seek. Good luck
And don't call people worthless just because they don't have children, we all do something, don't need to share blood to be kin.

[Anonymous No.14125044]

>>14116036
Was you last week. She dumped me after I found out she was cheating. Hope things work out for you, but stay cautious.

[Anonymous No.14125148]

For some reason I want to be best friends with a Nun. I want to be pen pals and go on picnics with a sister.

[Anonymous No.14125150]

Just took one of the last trains home. I was surprised at how busy it was, when I took it two hours earlier there were much fewer people on the line. There was this young, really well-dressed guy on the seats opposite me. A couple got on and somehow they ended up talking to each other. The conversation flowed so effortlessly, you would have thought them to be friends. They talked all sorts of interesting things, from politics, moving cities, to the opera. The young dude especially had a nice way of expressing himself. When the couple mentioned they were artist, making rock sculptures, another girl sitting close to me exclaimed how cool that was and joined in on the conversation.
All but one of them got off at the same station as me. Even though they had already been some ways apart, they went out of their way to say goodbye to each other. It was such a blissful interaction and I'm a little sad I wasn't brave enough to join in. They seemed like cool folk that I would have liked to hang out with.

[Anonymous No.14125216]

>tfw no time to do anything I want

im sick of university. three years of endless projects and work, always insane amounts of readings and drafts and deadlines and meetings and reflections and classes that take attendance etc. It's soul sucking —can't tell you the last time I was able to focus to read more than a chapter or watch a full film. It's constantly preparing for the next day and next major assignment. if someone tells you university is fun they are not working hard, went to an easy school or took a joke major. It's been 3 years of constant stress.

[Anonymous No.14125227]

when I whistle and change notes, I can often hear my vocal cords contract and make a noise. how do I prevent this? I'm also not that good at changing notes quickly. how do i get better at whistling?

[Anonymous No.14125259]

>>14125150
I love random reactions. Was standing at a street corner and my eyes met with a bus driver and we waved. It was that simple. I love waving to strangers from a distance. I love silent connections.

[Anonymous No.14125263]

>>14122805
Ted didn't know the half of it. I've been reading up on this dystopian Social Credit Score concept. Once limited to China, it is finding headway in the USA. The one distinction is that it is headed up by the corporate oligarchy and finance aristocracy rather than the State.

In ceding out personal choices, preferences, habits to the big data stream, we have ripped ourselves open to invasive high tech scrutiny. Now our every click says something about us, heinously, sacrilegiously, absurdly.

AI tech is also used to judge the employability of certain job candidates at high profile firms such as Goldman Sachs. Despite AI experts decrying the move as pseudoscientific, nontechnicals are smitten with the idea that a machine can figure out people better than they can. There's nothing brave about this new world.

[Anonymous No.14125282]

>>14114164
Buddy says therapy is great as the therapist essentially tells you how to think.
Take as you will
t. Lurker piping up

[Anonymous No.14125331]

BAP is riling me up boys.

[Anonymous No.14125377]

Bought a Quran. Finna see what all the hype is about. As-salamu alaykum bros.

[Anonymous No.14125392]

>>14125263
Have you actually read about what social credit does and who it applies to? Because while it's fucking retarded and rife for future abuse the current implementation is far from "dystopian", it does more or the less the same thing as credit agencies do in the US, except with some additional penalties like not being able to buy first class plane tickets.

Or, rather, while it may be "dystopian" it's no more or less dystopian than the western world has been for several decades.

[Anonymous No.14125407]

Tonight I am listless and it is because of a single issue. This was my day off from the office so I cleaned up for a hack went to see The Cuban. He didn't say much today, though I did catch that he thought I might be having a rougher go of it than the usual. I delivered some booze to complex I once tried to buy a room in but the owner wanted majority cash without an appraisal. The guy tipped me but his buddy was this jackass I used to barhop with. I ignored him and drove off. My last client of the day of a kind, elderly lady. I dropped her at a nice building downtown but saw the guy on the bike ride up behind me. I gave him the cold shoulder and made small talk as I opened the door for her. I didn't particularly like turning by back to the stranger but I'd hoped he'd get the clue. He didn't and immediately started giving her his spiel. She gave him a dollar bill and four quarters and he was on his way. She was still kind to me and offered a platitude but I was soured.

This would not have been an issue had I still lived with my brother. He was built like an ox and about as mean as one to. The same man, or at least another drugged out pencil neck riding a bike, approached us at the dollar store and Mickey told him to fuck off, that he'd beat his ass if he ever tried approaching his family again. Me and Mick made a team, him dragging me to dives and me paying for us to eat pizza and go bowling. We had fun, despite our loneliness. Then she came along and Mick forgot about me as well as mom and pop. Things got heated whenever we tried to help him out and he wished himself dead, all the while his fat whore pulled the strings. I don't consider myself someone who hates women but a vapid individual such as herself really brought out the worst in me.

[Anonymous No.14125423]

ranting shitpost of no value:
I am irritated constantly by the incompetence of my peers in spheres that I understand (e.g. language comprehension), but I am not bothered whatsoever by my own incompetence in spheres that I do not understand (e.g. math). To right this wrong I can either get better at math, or I can learn to exercise patience. The latter seems like the path of least resistance and so to make sure I don't hinder my other endeavors with a useless undertaking, I will hence go on the path of the latter.
Unrelated, but I was informed today that my way of thinking "is fallacious". I became irritated yet again with an author who wrote the book "The Road Less Traveled" since he lays down a theory he claims is concrete, and yet he did not follow his own theory in his personal life and continued on his path of turbulence until his gross expiration. It's not that his understanding of his subject matter was bad, or more importantly that his message was incorrect, but I stubbornly refuse to listen to the abject message of a feeble hypocrite. Apparently to not give his shallow message the benefit of consideration is to commit the "genetic fallacy". So be it, is what I say. The day a fool who violates and exploits everything around him can LARP as a Buddha and be taken seriously so as to not commit the genetic fallacy is the day I commit to a life in seclusion. Anything that I could come up with on the topic would literally be worth more to me since I spontaneously rationalized it. Implementing it in my life would then come as a matter of course. Fuck hypocrites. I really don't like you if you're a hypocrite. They lower the standard of expectations in every day life. So I am told to eat healthy, get lots of sleep, and work out by a sleep deprived fatass in the middle of an ice-cream binge? That's so stupid it's funny. If I have vices that other people should know about then I will do everything in my power to rectify the situation. I believe that those who are gravely violent or exploitative should do the same, and rectify the situation with a ritualized suicide. So if I ever catch myself in a position of having raped, abused, or initiated grave violence against anyone, you can be sure that I will kill myself in a gruesome way, like immolation, to atone for that sin.
I am sore as fuck.
>pic related mfw anyone asks me for any kind of advice ever

[Anonymous No.14125444]

There seems to be nothing to say anymore.

[Anonymous No.14125460]

>>14125392
I don't know, it runs pretty deep in China. If you have a bad social credit score there you can't even take public transportation. And this is only first generation. Who knows how many diabolical bells and whistles they will add.
The point is we are collectivizing and delegating the evaluation and judgment of masses of people based on impersonal and indirect data that makes a philosophically dubious inference.

I could spend an afternoon visiting extremist far-right websites. Perhaps I order a copy of Mein Kampf off Amazon. Perhaps I am a nazi. Perhaps I am doing research to combat nazis. Perhaps I am just curious and following my whim. My action should not be compiled into a file that says who I am. It is a violation of individual agency and deeply unsettling.

[Anonymous No.14125515]

>>14125460
>My action should not be compiled into a file that says who I am. It is a violation of individual agency and deeply unsettling.
Doesn't really mean it's wrong to do that or your actions shouldn't be documented, but it is nonetheless pointless to do so because all things equal people know better than to judge someone's character by such superficial actions.

>>14125263
I don't really believe in this Social Credit Score. I never encountered it nor was it talked about at any time during my two-week stay in China. Could you be referencing that colorful infographic produced by western (Zionist) journalism with the pagoda that I see come up here and there? Journalists are a rightfully ridiculed class and are probably viewed as below even merchants, you should take everything they say with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous No.14125533]

As I sit in a booth, waiting for my meal, I stare at the red leather seat across from me. Maybe there could be a greater presence there than a piece of lettuce, the noble sound of a conversation drifting my way. Who would sit there? I could imagine anyone, but the conversation needs the most attention. I settle on food. After all, my purpose in this seat is to eat. Heh. I think about Parmesan cheese, also known as Parmigiano-Reggiano. Would it be exciting to talk about its origins, the mass counterfeiting of it in America? Maybe talking about its historical moniker as “the most perfect food”, or how it surprisingly melts in a microwave. My thoughts halt as my food arrives, a chicken pesto ciabatta. Why is it two end pieces of a loaf draped in chicken, cheese, and marinara sauce? If only I could ask about the rest of the loaf...but my hunger takes over. As I eat my meal, I think about the rumor that the deeper one goes into “the hood”, the better the fast food fried chicken gets. Is it that the farther one gets from the corporate brand, the more inspired the chef becomes? Maybe there in the ghetto, the 11 secret herbs and spices are a mystery worth knowing, a glimmer in a black man’s eye showing. A wallet would be a small price to pay to find out. I finish my food and leave my side of the booth a mess to rival that piece of lettuce.

[Anonymous No.14125550]

i wish i was a better writer, or at least decent enough, so that words came up easily and I could finish this essay

>>14114328
i hope things get better for you anon

[Anonymous No.14125553]

I finished a 2,500 mile hike a month and a half ago. Post-trail depression is real and lasting.

"I have been trapped for so long within the desire to be among majesty and court sublimity. Caught in the pursuit for preconceptions that conflated with my values to an acceptable degree. I kept to the great romance of being an adventurer, and to those lyrics I aspired.
I shiver at the thought of all my own poses I found on mountainsides; I shake with the inability to reassume them. How am I to feel in environments void of any rigidity in men and women or the walls they surround themselves with? They don't seem to understand the importance of the shared processes of communication: that totality of art. They don't seem to care about anything beyond feeling good right now. They are the ones who do not want to hear any different. I don't understand how to see them in a beautifully honest light when they are too insecure to step into it."

[Anonymous No.14125559]

>>14125533
I want you to know I hate you. I don't know you, you might not deserve it, but I hate you.
I feel better knowing someone knows I hate them.

[Anonymous No.14125569]

>>14125515
>people know better than to judge someone's character by such superficial actions.
You missed the point about firms using AI to judge job candidates. These techs analyze vocal cadence, speech patterns. body language, and other superficial characteristics to make categorical judgements about a person's employability prospects.

What you fail to see is that those who control these technologies have everything to gain from the illusion of their efficacy. If the gatekeepers rely on these tools, it doesn't matter if the tools are bullshit. They are part of the power process, to which everybody else must conform.

Your other statement doesn't interest me so I won't respond to it.

[Anonymous No.14125577]

>>14125553
>2500 mile hike
Damn, that's really cool. Did you post about it on /out/?

[Anonymous No.14125590]

>>14125553
As one author I don't remember said, I think it was Whitman or Thereau, the nature of sublimity is that it is inhospitable to man, who collects in the plains and by rivers, et cetera. And to be truly appreciative of your environment is not to seek wilderness, since by definition your presence defeats that purpose, but it is to rather to just adopt the views of radical environmentalism (which is not a bad position). As for art, there are people who lack artistic sense. For example, the tone-deaf, those who can't find emotion in artwork, etc. It's a more common affliction than you'd think. It would be a gross display of foppery and snobbishness for someone without a sense for art to pretend to have it.

>>14125569
That was much more concise, now I don't know why I mistook your statements.

[Anonymous No.14125848]

>>14122393
allow yourself to get hurt pussy, it might be worth it

[Anonymous No.14125895]

What we really need is a rain of blood. A satanic purge. Widespread destruction and discord. Unbridled pain and suffering. The annihilation and culling of the weak. The shattering of the holy. Only then can the world be remade.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8ZqFlw6hYg

[Anonymous No.14125936]

Bass!
How low can you go?
Death row, what a brother knows
Once again, back is the incredible
The rhyme animal
The incredible D, Public Enemy, number one
"Five-O" said "Freeze!" and I got numb
Can I tell 'em that I really never had a gun
But it's the wax that the terminator X spunNow they got me in a cell, 'cause my records, they sell
'Cause a brother like me said, "Well...
...Farrakahn's a prophet and I think you ought to listen
To what he can say to you, what you ought to do

[Anonymous No.14125940]

Today was the third day after my anxiety attack. It was terrible but in some ways it was refreshing to actually feel something. It felt like I had drunk ten coffees. I think for my birthday, which is in a few weeks, I might start seeing a therapist. I've never had a relationship in my life. I want one though I am currently unable to risk being rejected. I can't be rejected because my mom rejected me. I need to get over that.

[Anonymous No.14125997]

Down with the false idols! Spit in the face of the sacrilegious hypocrites! Bring ruin to those precious unchristian christians! Defile the sepulchers of saints! Gorge on the flesh of the pure! Eviscerate the false illusion that all is well! Immolate the priest and the preacher alike! Break the bones of the happy-go-lucky! Despoil the virginal souls of the innocent! RAISE HELL

[Anonymous No.14126005]

>>14125997
>sacrilegious
I mean sanctimonious!

[Anonymous No.14126018]

I would do whatever I wanted if I was confident that I would be able to make a return high enough to kill the massive horrible debt that will invariably be brought upon me by American college of the 21st century. I would be the best goddamn curator maybe even going on to own my own museum were I confident enough that I would be able to do that. Fuck that. I hate that with a part of me that not even I know where it comes from. A pit in my stomach wherein my complete and total hatred for the greed of these people lays. I’ll get my college for as cheap as possible and then I will do whatever I goddamn please and I may not see 100,000 dollars a year but I will see the world and all it has to offer and my soul will be filled and that’s worth more to me than any amount of money that you could ever offer me

[Anonymous No.14126926]

I will fucking annihilate my third world shit hole. I will line up every woman with an iq lower than 100 and have her shot, along with her retarded babies. The few remaining females will marry the most intelligent of the males who survived my initial onslaught, and the rest of the males will be either killed (and their organs harvested) or enslaved if they try to rise up.

[Anonymous No.14126976]

>>14126926
ok cool

[Anonymous No.14127355]

can one indulge onself in animu degeneracy and enjoying great classical literature?

[Anonymous No.14128065]

There are things in this world that I do not fear. Spiders, unless they're thick and of a certain size do not scare me as they do my father and my sibling. Pigs, though monstrous with gluttony that has claimed more than one small child from my neighborhood, do not frighten me. Even snakes, though they sometimes make me jump when I encounter one while looking for a wayward golf ball, I am unafraid to pet as long as they do not seem threatened.

And then there are things that awaken some primal fear within me, that the very nomenclature of a creature could make me shiver, squirm, and become light-headed. They are things that only the imbuing of liquid courage could perhaps have me overcome and even then I'd probably be more likely to tell stories of how my childhood friends and even my own pop tortured me when they discovered my phobia. These are the creepy crawlies, the caterpillars and worms, the faceless shit eating invertebrates that find themselves upon my collar when I least expect it. My hatred for them knows its only bound where even the thought of crushing them and witnessing their guts makes nauseous. Slugs and snails also fall into this category; when I was a child the warm feeling of their inhuman body within the shell stuck to the side of my grandmother's house made my neck hair stand on end. And marine worms, though an entirely different species, awaken the same fear.

[Anonymous No.14128407]

>>14114064
whats hironymouse posh got to do with this

[Anonymous No.14128435]

>>14128065
A while back I was toying with the idea of writing a body horror story about a man whose apartment (and eventually body) gradually becomes infested with slugs.

[Anonymous No.14128489]

>>14114455
Pretty much: sometimes I'll pass by a cute girl (or woman), we'll smile at each other and later on I'll fantasise about fucking her (even though I have a distaste for casual sex).

[Anonymous No.14129121]

testes

[Anonymous No.14129183]

what the fuck is going on

[Anonymous No.14129189]

Y'all ever feel happy? Because I'm legitimately happy right now.

[Anonymous No.14129228]

I feel like how you feel after masturbating two times a day for a month straight all the time

[Anonymous No.14129570]

>>14114455
I often do monologues after a harrowing day at work where I excuse myself to the person who told me off and try to mitigate the blame unto something else.

For example today:
>I arrived at work and a co-worker was really mad that my work laptop was on my desk and not either hidden or in the security vault
>I say that I'm sorry and it will not happen again
>when I got home today I start my rant
>I started working here three weeks ago and nobody told me we weren't allowed to have our laptops lying around at night
>I didn't even know we had a vault and besides there are two locked rooms between my laptop and a potential thief
>despite this I have actually brought the laptop with me home every day just to avoid just such an eventuality as this
>but yesterday I was late for my train home so I just left it on my desk and ran
>I came into work an hour early just so nobody would see that my laptop was lying but my coworker was there early so had managed to see that it was lying on my desk

This happens semi daily. Do anybody else do this?

[Anonymous No.14129599]

>>14129570
As you can see my native language isn't english so don't be too harsh on me for that.

[Anonymous No.14130165]

my brother fucking put a 22. caliber bullet into his skull in july and I'm pissed. I'm really fucking pissed off.

[Anonymous No.14130179]

I can’t decide if I want to continue my study in Economics for graduate school or study something I’m actually interested in. It’s pretty much paid for either way.

[Anonymous No.14130188]

>>14130165
I’m sorry to hear that, Anon. I hope you’re able to honor your brother and find peace.

[Anonymous No.14130206]

>>14130188
i'm so fucking sad

[Anonymous No.14130216]

>>14129570
I do something kind of similar, but I usually run through future scenarios that seem bound to happen.

Your coworker sounds kind of unpleasant if he really got mad at you though. I could see a boss getting upset, but not a coworker. I’ve also never heard of an environment where you can’t leave your laptop out. I leave mine on my desk every night, but I work at a school. How is it your fault if there’s a thief in the your building? That’s the real issue.

[Anonymous No.14130231]

>>14130188
thank you; i'm trying

[Anonymous No.14130283]

performed pretty shit in class today, made me think I'm not doing well. I don't have a lot more to give than what I am giving. it will probably be enough to pass, but not enough that I can feel secure and that bothers me quite a bit. so I'm staying up late watching esports because I don't want to face my feelings just yet. I try to remember that God feeds the birds in the sky.

[Anonymous No.14130295]

>>14130206
I lost a family member to suicide when I was a child and I lost multiple family members in a tragic incident pretty recently. I felt so confused and I just felt totally shattered for so long. I still do sometimes.

I don’t have a cure for you, Anon, but I will say that choosing to honor them by using their life and their death to examine my own life as well as the prospect of death has helped me make sense of it all and to pull myself back together. I will pray for you.

[Wolf No.14130305]

Hey what up you know what it is I scream no stop I love you ok this is how you have to act now be a good one and go away to my home and tell me how you are a phone ringing ringing ringing for you

[Anonymous No.14130601]

>>14114064
There is this girl with the denim jacket, I heard her friend calling her Sophia. frankly, I don't know what exactly is this feeling towards her? This is nothing like love, I know for sure. this is more like jealousy. I just want to be like her, no, I want to be her. You must be thinking that I have a gender dysphoria, but no, not really. I just feel like I want to change perspectives. maybe then only I will stop hating myself.

[Anonymous No.14130674]

I judge people over pursuing meaningless conversations about the most vapid subjects for the sole reason of talking about themselves, attributing it to being self-centered, yet I wouldn't have a problem about going on long-winded rants about my own subjects of interests. What's the difference? When I forward my thoughts I'm essentially talking about myself for they are my thoughts and ideas. Why are they inherently better and more acceptable than some thot's rant about Megan's hair? At their core they're both just attention whoring. Am I just feeling superior because MY attention whoring is supposedly deep? Am I merely judging people based on their cognitive ability, which is itself shallow? The more I explore my own behavior and the underlying motives, the bigger a faggot I realize I am

[Anonymous No.14130801]

>>14130295
Thanks again anon. I'm gonna live my life to it's fullest.

[Anonymous No.14130815]

>>14116480
Maybe you shouls figure out why you feel so dead when youre around her before breaking up with her.

[Anonymous No.14131203]

>>14130674
Yeah you are a faggot. Just play. Conversation is a game above all. With the girls you dance and the men you wrestle.

[Anonymous No.14131713]

Life is just one gaint fucking circle. Going round and round untill the wheel stops spinning. What I don’t understand is what gives people the right to tell you that your rotation is wrong. Everyone thinks there on the right path to death.

[Anonymous No.14131756]

Today was better than the day before and the day before that. I still feel very slight lingering effects of the anxiety attack on Monday. When I went to the gym on Tuesday I had incredible trouble lifting anything because my body was still overwhelmed from the attack. Tonight was much better. I didn't have any bad thoughts or feelings until later in the day today, on the way home. Earlier in the week, I was overwhelmed with thoughts all day, while I was at work. I still need to find a therapist, I just don't know how you finally pick one.

[Anonymous No.14131870]

I'm going to a psychologist as a 29 year old male to see what's wrong with me. If I am actually autistic I think I'm going to shoot myself. I've been going through a lot these past months and it's just really getting to me. I've been having micro breakdowns and I'm worried this will lead to a meltdown. I haven't had one in four years. I don't want to have one in public.

[Anonymous No.14131892]

>>14131870
>If I am actually autistic I think I'm going to shoot myself
So you'll shoot yourself over a label someone gives you? You already are what you are, and whatever you "find out" isn't changing it, it'll just be you reinterpreting it according to some neat psychological categorizations people have made up because they're sometimes useful. Don't let it get to you too much.

[Anonymous No.14131967]

Growing up as a kid I really liked comedy, but now apart from seeing the specials of the boomers I knew from back then, I have no idea how to find new stuff. Every website I find gives Kotaku tier SJW recommendations that just leave me speechless, and I don't know anyone that follows it closely enough to recommend me obscure stand-ups. It's sad, because I could appreciate a laugh.
Also, holy shit, the new Always Sunny season is so bad. I just watched the last three episodes and it made me depressed. They need to end it before they sink even lower, man, this is bad. We're way past Office S9 levels of awful.
Also, I just downloaded Senran Kagura since I've never watched it.

[Anonymous No.14131988]

>>14114121
Same anon again. Bad night again, have to go to uni hell tomorrow. Have to go to the place that reminds me i'm a loser and untalented again.

Sole Soul suffering.
Sole Soul wishing to send prayers
Standing above a void when its only solace was lost
The emptiness dig deeps, the emptiness echos
Wishful thinking, powerful willing, lazy determination
Sit and blunder the day away, torch the night away to sit and suffer
Blessed to be whole, I never was

[Anonymous No.14132230]

>>14131988
kys

[Anonymous No.14132267]

I'm stressing out about this dog.

I was walking in a neighborhood I don't normally walk in, a nice neighborhood, when I saw an extremely skinny dog in the front yard of fairly run-down house. The dog was in the process of breaking down a shitty metal dog gate that was erected between the driveway of the house and its front yard. I watched as the dog went over to a water bowl and drank from it (the water wasn't on the other side of the fence, where the dog was, according to the fence, supposed to be?). It also looked like there was a food bowl next to the water bowl, but I didn't see the dog eat. Then the dog went up to the front door and started sniffing around there for a while. Finally he noticed me, and started towards me really slowly and wobbly, barking at me hoarsely and like it was taking all his energy to do it. I could see the dog's dick really clearly, which, I don't have a lot of experience with male dogs but I think usually the dog dicks are 'holstered' most of the time. The dog was incredibly skinny, I could see its ribs and its spine. But he did also look extremely old, and I wondered whether maybe he was just sick. When he started barking at me, I got worried that he was going to exert all his energy trying to get me away from his territory, so I left.

I went to the nearby downtown area and bought three "dog cookies" from a fancy dog goods shop. My plan was to try and offer him the cookies and, if he ate them eagerly, then he was probably hungry and being abused, but if he didn't eat them, then maybe he was old and sick. I brought them back to the house with the dog, and the dog was still there, skulking around the front door, but he wouldn't come near me. He started barking at me again when he saw me. I left one cookie near the front part of the front yard, and one part near the gate across the driveway, where some blankets were set up like a bed for him.

All this happened yesterday, and I wasn't able to go back today. I'm going to try to go back tomorrow. I'm just worried about the dog. I wanted to knock on the door and ask, but what would I say? "Are you abusing your dog, or does he just have cancer?" I was too afraid to do that.

Does anyone have experience with this kind of thing? What kind of illnesses can make a dog really skinny? Should I just call ASPCA right away, to be safe, or should I knock on the door and ask about it?

[Anonymous No.14132308]

>>14114340
Interruptions happen. You will get back on track.

[Anonymous No.14132328]

I'm going to spend the rest of my life reading fantasy novels. They keep the pain away.

[Anonymous No.14132386]

>>14129570
I do something similar except I try to imagine an alternative scenario where I was able to come up with a proper retort in time. Usually in those situations I end up being too flustered to mutter anything but "yeah, sorry, won't happen again" and just try to avoid them the entire day. I replay the conversation over and over in my head just to see what I could have done and said better and I always feel like shit afterwards since I never could work up the courage to actually say it (even if I'm fed up with it).

I remember my freshman year of high school where I had signed up for the Latin Club (romans not browns), wasn't exactly a Latin Club but more so a competitive team but the entire group seemed to get along instantly. I didn't attend practice every week but I did well enough for myself. At the time, the club leader was a frumpy-looking (tall) girl with glasses on. I don't remember what I did to upset her, but she pulled me into the hallway one day and started to question me. I was more of a sperg than I was today, so I almost reflexively turned away from looking at her and I thought she was going to lose it by the way she kept asking why I wasn't looking at her, why I was avoiding eye contact with her, if I had a problem with her. Pretty much just told her that I was a sperg. If I could I would have told her to mind her own business desu

[Anonymous No.14132403]

>>14114201
Faggot! Haha! Faggot!

[Anonymous No.14132756]

Today I've been thinking about George RR Martin, and how much the thought of being someone who has written some colossal and appraised series of work yet being perhaps being unable to finish it.

Worse still, the prospect of dying before you've managed to finish it. Yikes. Serious yikes. If I were him, I would be in a mad-sprint panic to finish it.

Who cares if you're dead, it's your fucking legacy, man. I couldn't stand the thought of being remembered as "the guy who didn't finish what he started".

[Anonymous No.14132774]

maybe if i writereally bad AND act stupid i will eventaully become stupi9d enough to forget myself

[Anonymous No.14132777]

The more I figured out the less I realized I truly knew. To know more is then, paradoxically, to know less, or to realize you know less, which comes to the same thing.

[Anonymous No.14132794]

But if you know you know less, that is still positive knowledge, so the knowledge of your ignorance and your ignorance cancel out leaving all equal.

[Anonymous No.14133159]

To enjoy the little things in life - a flower, a cloud, or a bird - requires a particular mentality from which our heart can draw positive feelings. I can describe this particular mentality in two ways: to be like a child, to look at things with ever fresh interest, as if you were seeing them for the first time; or to be like an old person, to look at things as if you were seeing them for the last time. To see something for the first or the last time makes it special. Without this "being special", we overlook things easily. The question arises: how can we achieve this special mindset? I don't know for sure, but a first step could be this: To look at a thing and to ask: "What makes you special, rock? What are you hiding?". I think this is a third way of doing things: the first is to see like a child, the second to see like an old man, the third to see like an inquirer. Just by asking, by thinking about something, you make it hard for yourself to overlook it. All you need is the perseverance to always ask questions.

[Anonymous No.14133186]

I'm trying to resist the impulse to whine, because I hate whiny posts and venting here brings no satisfaction anyway, but I can't, so here:
waaaah waaaaah waaah waaaaaaaaaaaaah

[Anonymous No.14133239]

>>14114164
>It's like they've all failed at producing their own independent system of judgement of the world, and their closest approximation is a series of religious cliches that they apply when appropriate.
Well, yes. They have failed, or else they wouldn't be in therapy. Part of escaping depression, at least for me, is creating positive thought patterns I can rely on when I'm in danger of falling into a negative thought pattern.
These expressions might seem trite, but if they help them get through the day productive and content, more power to them.

[Anonymous No.14133559]

I have written at least 50k words this week.

[Anonymous No.14133593]

>>14132756
lol what bullshit
the guy is like 70 and he has all the money in the world and he has finished countless stories already
if i were fat and rich and old i'd spend all my money fucking black girls too
endings are shit anyway and its clear asoiaf has had no direction for the last two books he has no idea where the fuck its going hes literally hoping he can die before hes forced to write literal garbage and be remembered for lost 3.0 (since the show was lost 2.0)

[Anonymous No.14133861]

>sit in church for years, get told stipulations about ancient semitic tribal morays. The universe is basically a childish human
Leave feeling drained and depressed

>Spend day at observatory, look at stars and planets
Immediately feel incredibly small and humble, sublime experience of the cosmos.
Leave feeling energized and emboldened

You can't even compare the two

[Anonymous No.14134339]

https://youtu.be/ifpCo-jIYFs
i'm high and watching this guy review 3rd world food, he's so based and caricaturally American and sincerely surprised with every variation of beans and odd meats they present to him, it feels me with titanical will to live.
also, everyone is smiling and it's somewhat cozy despite the poverty

[Anonymous No.14134366]

>>14134339
If not for the ubiqiutous crime and lacking medicine, these countries would be paradise in the mut hut, so to say

[Anonymous No.14134454]

Should I have my energy drink now, or drink it once I start my night shift?
Will I survive my night shift?

[Anonymous No.14134484]

>>14133861
The ol’ reverse learned astronomer

[Anonymous No.14134504]

>>14115579
Great post!

[Anonymous No.14134519]

>>14116174
Penelope is just a myth, friend

[Anonymous No.14134541]

>>14134339
Every time I see documentary footage of traditional/indigenous groups like the Maasai it makes me wonder how much of their appearance is just an act put on for the camera. It's interesting to the see the costumes, the singing, the traditional food, etc. but I somehow doubt they live like that 365 days a year.

[Anonymous No.14134871]

>>14131892
I was going through quite a few things when I said that. I think I wanted to shoot myself no matter what was going to happen. It seems okay now but there are many more things. I'm nervous about going and I don't even know when it will be. Soon. I think it's because I know there's something wrong with me, everyone else who knows me knows there's something wrong with me, but having it officially said is different. I'm overreacting but it's what I always do.

[Anonymous No.14134909]

de Rochas is intelligent man. I hear waves. My stomach is empty. I want to be patted while reading Schelling with head on her breasts. I want to read Hegel. I fear death. All doors were closed.

[Anonymous No.14134914]

How do people go on having relationships after they get past that "young love" mindset and realize the reality is far harsher? Like what's even the point anymore? I used to be a real romantic but now that those delusions have shattered I haven't felt interest in anyone for years. If a real relationship will never measure up to a fictional depiction of one then why bother?Just because it would be real doesn't make it intrinsically worth pursuing.

[Anonymous No.14134993]

>>14134914
Or, as Ziggy says
>All I have is my love of love, but love is not loving.

[Anonymous No.14135095]

>>14134914
Well, it's just really nice to touch and be touched by someone. That in itself is worth playing games for, and hell, playing games even without an objective is more fun than simply being alone in the truth.

[Anonymous No.14135266]

>>14135095
>What the boy felt was something pure, something gentle, something that predates sex or sensual fulfillment. It was the simple desire to reach out and touch a loving body, to be held in loving arms. Tenderness is a deeper instinct than seduction, which is why it is so difficult to give up hope.

[Anonymous No.14135433]

I taped a picture of my high school crush to my ceiling so that when I wake up and feel like jerking off the first thing I'll see is her smiling and then I will feel guilty about having these impure sexual thoughts

[Anonymous No.14135493]

>>14135433
weird but also kinda based

[Anonymous No.14135595]

>>14135493
I wish I would have asked her out. I don't know if it would have gone anywhere but at least I would have some closure and could stop thinking about her

[Anonymous No.14136049]

A peculiar psychological datum of mine is that I only seem to cry when dreaming. Usually they are dreams about my family who I miss or sometimes something else that underscores a distinctly raw emotional abcess/sore point in my life. It's odd because I am sleeping and yet I can sense my body crying through the dream in the real world, as if it becomes a sort of overture to the theme of the dream, playing out alongside it.

I suppose if you can get an erection and ejaculate during a dream, it would make sense that other autonomic functions such as crying could be induced.

What I want to know is what about the dream state makes it so transparent to the emotions, so that it can serve as conductive medium through which otherwise suppressed emotions can find an expression.

[Anonymous No.14136185]

I keep feeling down no matter how hard I persist. After days of no fap I ended watching porn again, maybe I should seek for a woman after all, I don't care if I fail anymore, if she rejects me I'll simply try with others.

[Anonymous No.14136287]

I woke up a week ago with the thought that I was going to enter hell, all with the image of suffocating on dirt with my feet in the air (like Canto 19 of the Inferno). I don't know how I can give restitution for my impurities; after repenting everyday for crimes both committed and not committed, an absolute purposelessness washes over me, and am unable to help this state of mind. Mind you, I'm not rabid about religion (and haven't been for months before), but the fear is consuming me. I'm starting to think I'm inside the dirt at this very moment

[Anonymous No.14136317]

>>14135433
based and wholesome

[Anonymous No.14136361]

>>14114098

They grow out of it or are autistic and hide behind internet anonymity.

I wonder what reason there is for why we pick at scabs. I just caught myself picking at my cold sore on my lip and it seems counterproductive to pick at scabs and open wounds. However I guess it's a vestige of when we'd groom and pick at lice. Was reading a book about the private lives of medieval people and apparently wives would do that for their husbands.

>>14114181
I recall the stupid comic of "Check on the baby, is she asleep?" Then the baby says some progressive thing and the guy says "Nah she woke as fuck" around 2016 at the latest, maybe 2014. Like a lot of stuff I believe it was appropriated from black twitter.

>>14134914
Acceptance of the troubles of love being outweighted by the good, or perhaps fear of loneliness.

>>14134541
Consider perhaps the Amish. Some of these people really do live almost like that all the time (though the Amish can use technology for business, like a credit card reader at a farmer's market).

[Anonymous No.14136461]

>>14132328

Lot of people'll do that. Mystery novels, romance novels, fantasy novels. I found it comforting when I was reading a big trilogy about the Western front in WW2 and learned that Eisenhower would unwind by reading pulp cowboy books.

My confessional or on my mind is I have a strange solace in that my best writing and one of my two best skills is writing erotica that'd appeal to lonely and bored women (or gay guys or whatever). I haven't done it in proper form but in one on ones, vignettes and sharing it they fawn over it and as far back as +14 years ago I had then older friends/people I wrote with saying how I'd do good writing fantasy. I'm no auteur, I'd be a pulpy hack but at least I know a lot of people like my style. I'm committed to working on it, getting closer to being able to really get started. It disappoints me my skills and moreover my drive/commitment isn't stronger for something else. And I still hope I can become an intel analyst but I worry the boat left too early on that and I am too old to be considered. I still have around 5 years before age limits really come into play (or 8 including air force) but I ever suffer the "I'll do it tomorrow" procrastination. I wish I was more ambitious and disciplined.

[Anonymous No.14136657]

>>14114530
The dark one isn't called "nigger hide," if you're that guy

[Anonymous No.14136698]

>>14135433
whatever it takes, anon. she's definitely cute

[Anonymous No.14136722]

>>14125282
Useful if you're a fuckwit, I suppose

[Anonymous No.14136730]

>>14114530
Probably because they're tested more rigorously than you ever will test them, so your opinions are bullshit compared to the mountains of data that brought the patterns to life.

[Anonymous No.14136749]

>>14117607
You're not 'left' anywhere you faggot. You either participate or don't.

Go to a writer's group and participate.

Or don't.

[Anonymous No.14136756]

>>14122393
Then you're a weak faggot child and you should dump her then work on not being a weak faggot child so you don't spend the rest of your days being a weak faggot child.

[Anonymous No.14136758]

>>14114164
I've been in an out of therapy for years, and the issue is definitely what they're pushing these days - find a therapist with an actual psych degree, or the only advice they'll have for you is bear minimum emotional grounding techniques and "just keep trying".

[Anonymous No.14136774]

>>14136461
I’m 26 and considering Enlisting in the Military as an Intel Analyst.

[Anonymous No.14136785]

>>14120367
What are you a faggot? You expect people do contact you after years and say 'hey buddy, give me a 4 chapter summary of how life has been for you! I super care and spend many-a-night pondering how you're getting on!'

Fuck you ego-driven slut. People are fucking BUSY. Why don't YOU contact high school people after years and ask them to talk about themselves for no other reason than you want to fill your brain with useless facts?

Oh wait, because that isn't how you operate, and you have no fucking plans to ever operate that way, making a list of people you knew 6 years ago and checking in just to make them feel better about themselves.

Grow up nerd.

https://topbestones.com/10-best-gaming-laptop-under-1500/

[Anonymous No.14136811]

>>14134914
Well people do it because they get caught in the inertia of literally anything so they just keep doing it.

I do it because I employ dominance/submission and say what I want, which is way better than having to cave to the emotions of the fairer sex

[Anonymous No.14136821]

>>14136774
Go air force and do lots of college when you're settled in a duty station

[Anonymous No.14136823]

>>14136785
and here we have the bugman, the very idea of having a relationship not defined by its personal profitability fills him not only with confusion but rage as well; the simple act of failing to commodify something is a strike as his very existence.

[Anonymous No.14136874]

>>14130674
It's not cognitive ability, it's the people.
Food, drugs, sex, nostalgia, pop culture - It boils down to the articulation of common distractions. And if it were a game, it wouldn't have the monotony of an office job. The truth is we live in hell.

[Anonymous No.14136932]

>>14136823
And here we have the detached commentator, as if his perfect distance from the subject allows him to both judge the parties involved flawlessly and yet not participate in the core elements of the topic.

He is unassailable as he takes no position, and as such is the smartest person in any room.

[Anonymous No.14137536]

>>14136932
What is the position of the person who comments on the person who comments on the detached commenter?

[Anonymous No.14137795]

>>14134504
thanks anon, i really do appreciate it.

[Anonymous No.14137855]

>>14114064
I feel disgusted and ashamed and sick and anxious and afraid. I honestly just want to go home to my mom.

[Anonymous No.14137868]

>>14137855
>I feel disgusted and ashamed and sick and anxious and afraid
of what?

[Anonymous No.14137957]

>>14134871
Well, you have my sympathy, anon. I really mean that. I'm kind of fucked myself. I hope things get better for you. Remember that they can.

[Anonymous No.14138107]

It feels like its totally pointless to exist in this world. You need to bust your ass working just to live, just to scrape by, to earn the privilege to exist. I know the sentiment is generally 'stop being a pussy and just do it' but what if that's impossible? I can't garner the energy to do anything. It feels like I'm just going to rot here, and that that's what I want- just to rot and rot and rot until I'm gone, because I can't survive in the real world.

[Anonymous No.14138138]

>>14114122
>>14136361
>They grow out of it

Isn't being a weeb just indulging heavily into their hobby?

Does this mean I can grow out of books?

Is it something that happens?

Pls respond

[Anonymous No.14138237]

Going to post some of my old philosophical \ discursions from years ago. This was back when I was 20.

9. When I say there is a fixed number of causally related branching points, I don’t mean just spatially. It is equally true that whatever thought happens next shares some relation to the previous: there is residue carried over; a smattering of the previous thought survives.
10. I find my actions are polarized. I never choose, in a healthy state of mind, the action that will destroy me or ruin all my aspirations, not by any free choice. It means there are some options I just won’t bargain with, and all my actions flee from them reflexively like a flock of birds fleeing a disturbance in the brush.
11. Choice is never free in the sense that it has no causes backing its composition. Choices are available, but they must be assigned a value, a probability weight. Choices live and die in a manner analogous to the Darwinian idea.
12. It is entirely clear then that some things simply aren’t possible for me, since I will never have the will to do them. Even if they are logically possible; they are certainly not volitionally possible (I won’t ever will them). They are to be amputated from my universe.
13. I am urged to sift the possible from the actual, but I am obliged to maintain what is now actual was once merely possible.
14. We think there is one privileged, actual world, polarized and alive, over all the many possible worlds which could be made out of the same materials. We judge that the universe is too small to fit more than one actuality. But I see nothing demanded by logic or science that this must absolutely be the case. Nothing.
15. But of course I see nothing to demand all possibilities are actualities, only hidden by a shroud, as it were.
16. But why do I insist on demanding this world is an actuality? Absurd to think otherwise, that’s what! But perhaps to a mirror self, I am just a possibility, and so too my whole life.
17. Objects cannot take an actual position without there first being some spread of possible configurations they could partake. There must be a superposition even if it is just a tool of our thought. Since every discrete state has a neighbor right next to it and I can clearly see the plausibility of different arrangements.
18. A chessboard, for example, only has a limited number of moves to allow its game pieces. This is demanded of its fixed, 64 squares.
19. The world can be successfully compared to a chessboard in this exact fashion. The question is if the universe is infinite in extension or not. If it is, the possible moves each thing can take would be logically infinite. But if the universe is bounded, then it is susceptible to the same limitations as the chessboard, only on a vastly grander scale.

[Anonymous No.14138262]

23. Let us suppose I design a plan. I say “right, this is what I’ll do” and I proceed through a number of stages in the development of my plan (as in an algorithm). I get from here to there through my plan, which is like a roadmap I unravel every so often as events draw down, checking it and referring it to the world as they unfurl in unison.
My plan is adaptive, since it is constructed out of choices. Since my choices are weighted due to probabilities (i.e. the likelihood that I think what I put into a plan will succeed at its task), and therefore choices are vulnerable to a kind of natural selection. The plan is an apparatus trying to conform to the conditions as they vary and transform. I want it to survive, to succeed.
24. In each step of my plan, there are steps more advanced than where I’m at, unless of course I’m at the final step. These advanced stages are inaccessible from where I stand. Their possibility is closed off. I must open them.
25. A plan is then a way to construct the actual from the purely imaginable. It is a blueprint for building a construction which exists only as a ghost in the eye until carried out.
26. I can transition from things that are volitionally impossible, but still logically possible, to things that are volitionally possible—by constructing a plan. Through a plan I can add power to my circumstances. The new possibilities were at first only impossible relative to my state, my standpoint and my conditions. A plan is an attempt to create a puncture in these conditions which make certain fates impossible, to create a fresh space, and to place something desirable there.
27. I could figure out how to inject myself into a new set of circumstances, if I find the present or familiar one doesn’t produce anything workable (this is the first stage in the construction of a plan).
28. A man expands his possibilities and freedom by asserting himself into newfound circumstances. He has to go up to logical possibility and drink from it.
29. I feel it is necessary to expropriate certain desirable things, to make them more probable, more anxious to occur in my life. Everything desirable is possible, but waiting for possibility alone to fall into your life is like waiting till the end of life to get into paradise—foolish.
30. It takes something else, work, planning, to make the desirable more probable. And if man cannot by any chance make things certain, he can at least make them more probable.
31. That in fact is the whole purpose of human action and the perpetuator of our existence. If actions did not make specific events more likely to occur, in fact determinate, we would die of starvation or any number of plights: all our constructions would crash.
32. So action is a mechanism for making events more probable, to actualize them.

[Anonymous No.14138271]

>>14138262
just curious, did you ever follow your plans?

[Anonymous No.14138276]

33. I try and figure out if since the minute of my birth I was destined to write this very sentence, to breathe the breath I’m breathing right here according to these spatial and temporal coordinates and not anywhere else. It seems a colossal task, even for the universe, for everything to be so trimmed and cut out! But any alternative from perfect determinism implies a number of scales of indeterminism and demands certain parameters from space and time.
In the most extreme case, now is created out from no previous inputs, since determinism demands an unswayable causal network to be true. To get away from previous causes, which I think undoable, we would have to essentially dismember common sense (even the word “would” sounds strange in a deterministic universe. It seems misplaced). There would have to be no causes or no time for this moment not to have condensed from those which I see as running prior to it. To think otherwise is apparent heresy to the human mind.
34. Now, however, if this current moment is a product of a collapsed superposition, there is nothing privileged about the causal origins of this moment. That is, all other combinations of this state of affairs were as equally probable. There was nothing tipping the scales to favor this instantiation of the universe other than it just happened to happen (wins the unrigged gamble).
35.What we mean by an event is really a large number of microevents which the mind can only tolerate as a distinct sum (it adds it all up, and looks at the total). So in fact when I wish to calculate the probability of an event, I am really calculating for the sum of unnoticed probabilities which exist internal to the event.
If some dominant fraction of these probabilities result in a fate contrary to our calculated likelihood, our calculated expectancy will not be vindicated (the event will not occur). Probability, outside of the mysterious mists of quantum mechanics, has traditionally been treated by mathematics as a pure device—something we use to guess—but not to know, in the grip of uncertainty. Probability has always been just a tool for guessing the likelihood of an event in the ignorance of the distribution of certain variables (certain causes).
(I am thinking here of the polarization of magnets. Every charged particle must align with the magnet to initiate the attraction. If the material is uncharged, or has too few charged particles speckled throughout, it will remain unmagnetized. Similarly, if the sum of an event contains too few positive causes collapsing into a definite fate, that specific fate might never manifest. An object, as it were, has an inner tension, which we identify as the quantum fluctuations of the energy levels manifested in the probability distributions of the electrons—as given by Schrödinger’s wave function.)

[Anonymous No.14138285]

I have intrusive thoughts of sex with my mother and I have a fear what I want in a partner is a replacement for my mother. I lust after and seek shelter in other women. I fear and hate other men. Yet I idealize friendship and generous love. All my daydreams boil down to me being loved and having a sense of belonging. I have spent most of my life trying to hide my soft side. I was a very soft child. I manage to appear mild and even tempered. I somehow feel a humble stoicism is my payment for some sin. Inside I am turbulent filled with rage and romantic longing. Is my problem hiding this, or having these feelings in the first place? I am always guarded. I am terrified of spending too much time with people because the longer I'm "on" the more likely I am to "slip". I am not comfortable around family or friends. I feel there is noone I can go to for support. I always feel my back up against the wall. At the bottom of things I do not think I value anything enough to make me fight for life. I was very nearly suicidal in my teenage years but I don't think about it anymore. I like life. Sometimes I feel passionate about it. But most of the time I only like it, which is itself enough.

[Anonymous No.14138288]

>>14138271
That wasn't the point. The point was to study the concept of a plan and what that means. The point was to study how a plan relates to a dynamic, uncertain world. Personally I don't believe in following plans, because the plan itself will always change.

[Anonymous No.14138358]

>>14114064
I recently have found out that i am disgusted by the plague of existence not only my own dont misunderstand me, i am disgusted by existence itself it was a mistake, the only way i feel existance is tolerable is when i think of myself of a dicator god that destroy what doesnt deserve to exist

[Anonymous No.14138384]

You know how when you throw kids in the water for the first time they scream and shout and fight for their life, almost drown? I'm the kid who lied.
>>14138285
>Inside I am turbulent filled with rage and romantic longing. Is my problem hiding this, or having these feelings in the first place?
Depends, I'd say the first. Just be reminded that you'll never be able to manifest them if you feel nothing is good enough.

[Anonymous No.14138399]

>>14120156
Look into the symptoms of a panic attack.
My mother does the same thing to me.

[Anonymous No.14138504]

how am I to stop thinking wicked thoughts of a close het friend? I'm 4 years older than him, yet he's got my mind wrapped in his cute blonde hair and his thick calves, and his crooked, honest smile

[Anonymous No.14138519]

>>14138504
stop being a faggot

[Anonymous No.14138523]

>>14125936
this verse comes into my head every now and then even though I haven't listened ITANOMTHUB in years.

[Anonymous No.14138527]

>>14114064
I love capitalism

[Anonymous No.14138546]

>>14138519
granted, show me how and I will do it

[Anonymous No.14139123]

>>14138504
He sounds like a snack anon ;p. Pozz him

[Anonymous No.14139134]

>>14114098
They are, you just don't know it at first because now they shower and dress decent.

[Anonymous No.14139164]

I'm going to travel pretty soon, so I'm bringing the faiths of my ancestors with me. I hope this pleases their spirits

[Anonymous No.14139177]

>>14139164
Do you even know how to say a rosary, you huge turd?

[Anonymous No.14139225]

>>14139123
he's quite a snack, the closest comparison i can think of is 90's dicaprio. which also means that he's just as out of my league as he sounds

[Anonymous No.14139229]

>>14139177

I would if it was a rosary

[Anonymous No.14139983]

>>14138138
You'll run out of good anime to watch long before you even scratch the surface of worthwhile works of literature, history, philosophy, etc. I still enjoy "lowbrow" pop-culture stuff like anime, video games, and genre fiction and think there's a certain value to it, but objectively speaking most of it is derivative and not very good. You're more likely to "grow into" books than "grow out" of them.

[Anonymous No.14140124]

>>14114064
Does somebody want to kill me?

[Anonymous No.14140535]

Am I even allowed to be happy? Is it even right to be happy?

[Anonymous No.14140734]

>>14120156
I like your writing style. Hope you get better.

[Anonymous No.14141488]

>>14141414