/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.1385046]

>do it

[Anonymous No.1385047]

>no u

[Onyx !VIruSDVYP. No.1385069]

>>1385047
>ok

my story is kinda Dark Angel-esk (tv show) but yea know...actually good...

Far in the future the world has gone to shit and as a result the countries that are still able to function well are in a secret arms race to create two weapons. One is (and this is the one related to the story) genetic super soldiers. One lab in the USA appears to have made more progress than any other. They grow their soldiers from scratch by using genes from the human gnome combined with select genes from the genomes of various animals and gene therapy to control the rate at which the subjects age. Some of the subjects are more monster like and some are more human like.
The story focuses on a few of the more human subjects, their life in the "lab", their escape and their lives outside of the lab while being hunted by the government.

[Anonymous No.1385073]

>>1385069

Sorry bro. 4/10

Isle of Dr. Moreau.

[Anonymous No.1385078]

>>1385069

>gnome project

10/10 FUCK YEAH GNOMES

[Onyx !VIruSDVYP. No.1385099]

>>1385078
typo...gEnome

>>1385073
not quiet. thats more about one man doing it for his own reasons and a group of normal people basically being held captive on his island. this is about the government doing creating these things and then them escaping, while the government freaks out and tries to either capture or kill them these group of escaped subjects just try to hide out in what remains of the North American wilderness. This story would involve various love interests, political intrigue, torture, etc.

[Anonymous No.1385119]

There is a huge city that is popular for trade and is a cross section for many merchant-used roads to other cities. Legend says that water-spirits, called Ondines, used to inhabit and run the once magical city. However, the city and the country it is capital of is loosing interest and popularity slowly because it has not rained there for ages.
Outside the city, a man is Landmaster of a small village. In this village there are a few markets and houses, but the main building is an inn owned by the Landmaster. However, it is only disguised as an inn. It is really a prison. The Landmaster orders his men to go into the city every day on missions and find out what they can about the Ondines. He knows that there still may be descendants of Ondines in the village. The prison is filled with children who they think may be, or are related to, Ondines.
The Landmaster does this because he thinks the Ondines will make rain for him. He needs the rain, so does everyone. He knows the people in the city will pay huge money for water, and he can use this to build on his inn and help service, and possibly become famous.
He tries to discover which of his prisoners could be Ondines over the others by getting them to dance for rain. If they refuse, he kills or tortures them. He also uses them as his own personal slaves, doing chores and labor to either benefit the village or his inn.
A boy who has been prisoner for a while, Fiddlus, is awake one night when the Landmaster's henchmen return, having kidnapped another person. By researching their bloodline and family tree, they think they may have another possible Ondine.
Fiddlus and his new friend eventually escape the prison, and plan to expose the Landmaster's evil inn he runs. But along the way, they meet mysterious people, people hunted by other elemental spirits, and get tangled in a plot that will eventually lead them to discover the secret the Ondines have been hiding in the city since before the time of humans.

[Anonymous No.1385125]

>>1385069
not bad 7/10 the only critique i really have is that it's seems your plot is based off the whole genetic engineering hype a lot of people are interested in today, and what else are you gonna do with the plot, after they escape what are you gonna do, watch them survive in the wild until they die off. Basically the story needs to GO somewhere besides the whole we're gonna escape the goverment and the rest of the book is us living off the land.

[Onyx !VIruSDVYP. No.1385126]

>>1385119
sounds kinda like a good plot for a video game as well. go for it

[Mérre !!h5ehGz8ruyB No.1385129]

The Man who offered me Death

An odd man in a cloak offers our friendly protagonist, Malcovich, the chance for eternal life. no strings attached. needless to say, he accepts the offer, and then proceeds to live his life without fear of anything.
Malcovich quickly grows tired of life, and starts acting more and more violently.
one day, when Malcovich is at the bank, a squad of robbers storm in and start killing everybody. he defiantly stand up to the robbers, knowing he can't die.
they open fire. after a short time, he faints.
when he wakes up in hospital, he is informed that his left arm had to be amputated, and that he will never be able to walk again. Malcovich starts to turn into a cretinous being, praying for death, begging for mercy, but to no avail.
Three years later, the man in the cloak is back to visit Malcovich, who has now become a scourge to all those around him, and gives him the offer of a lifetime; Death.

[Anonymous No.1385140]

There is a man. He makes cheese. He is unsure why he makes cheese, it's just all he can remember doing. He lives in the woods. H doesn't see anyone. No one ever comes to his house. His cheeses just grow older. He has a pet dog. The dog is deaf. One day, a woman appears from out of the woods. Cheese related hilarity ensues. Cows are milked improperly. Milk is poorly pastuerised. A bird is killed by a flying wheel of Gouda. Men in black uniforms come. They have guns. They wish to take the woman away because she is a political dissident and has been connected to terrorist bombings. The man is angry. He likes the woman. She makes the making of cheese fun. So he kills the men and buries them in the field where his cows graze. The grass grows, the cows graze, they are milked , and then cheese is made from the milk. A man comes. He is the womans friend. The revolution has triumphed and the government has been overthrown. He tries the new cheese. It is excellent. The cheese maker spends the rest of his days happily making cheese and enjoying the visits he gets from his friends that were in the revolution.

[Anonymous No.1385164]

>>1385129

on what condition? wouldn't the dude in cloak go and make him do his laundry or something? death aint gonna come free (or though I guess immortality did earlier)

[Onyx !VIruSDVYP. No.1385177]

>>1385125
its not that they just "survive in the wilderness" its about them wanting to do that but are unable to do so because they are being hunted down. eventually they try to hide major cities as well. In one they run into a group of people that are planning to overthrow the corrupt North American government. The subjects agree to help as it seems to be the best way to gain their freedom, the leader of the rebel group isint exactly the most moral guy around and does terrible things with the intent of winning and not all of the rebels are happy with it but go along. the subjects attempt to take down the rebel leader so that they can run things better, this results some serious "battles".


as i stated there are love interests as well and this is meant to really get to the reader when the love interest of one of the subjects (this occurs long after the escape) betrays them, this results in the love interests death (the love interest is female), she is killed by him (being the subject) during an "epic" fight between the two. this basically kills the subject inside (important note: the female love interest is the daughter of the someone involved with the whole solider project, she was trying to help the military track the group to better enable to capture them alive...this is important).
during his morning he gets careless and is caught. He is tutored by his former love interest father as a form of revenge but also to try to find out where the remaining escaped subjects are hiding...
and blah blah blah...
don't want to give away the whole story.

[Mérre !!h5ehGz8ruyB No.1385185]

>>1385164
Just death as a free offer.
the man in the black cloak is pretty much just a reflection of desire.

[Anonymous No.1385192]

/lit/ newfag here. Criticism needed. I've had this idea for a while now, girlfriend finally convinced me to go through with it. It's called "The Minds," based off of mental disorders. The characters eventually find eachother, somehow find trust in eachother despite how messed up they are, plan the downfall of many things before all of their deaths, whether killed, old age, or terminal illness. Character examples include: Fou L'homme, meaning insane man in french for nonbilingualfags out there, and is based off of insanity. Theres also Kijk je Rug (watch your back in german, you nonbilingualfag, you) based off of paranoia. Their names also have to do with their mental disorders. :B Troll criticism, nice criticism, constructive criticism, bashing criticism all appreciated.

[Anonymous No.1385193]

>>1385177

So these 'super soliders' - you mentioned they were weapons back there. Are they like awesome fighters, do they have super-powers, or cannons attached to their arms? the story sounds like it's gonna have a fair few epic fight scenes, and you gotta have something to make them epic.

[Anonymous No.1385201]

>>1385185

so then what's the climax of the story? sounds like a story where this guy gets the power to live forever and eventually he gets grumpy about it. you cant have the entire book about how he gets more and more sad every day, it wont be interesting to read.

[Anonymous No.1385203]

>>1385192
May not sound very interesting, but I can give ye the beginnings of the charactahs if needed. They also make much more sense if ya know about them.

[Onyx !VIruSDVYP. No.1385210]

umm...well...
some will just like complete and utter monsters, mindless and savage...
the subjects that the plot revolves around are more human like, they look enough like people to move through a major city with out drawing attention to themselves but they do have some differences, example small patches of reptilian scales on various body parts so that they must always wear long sleeves.

>do they have super-powers, or cannons attached to their arms?
umm...no...more like just having amplified normal human abilities, ie: able to jump 7ft in the air from a standing position, a little faster than an olympic sprinter, super-human senses, incredible strength.

i am toying with the idea of giving some of them extra abilities, mostly small thing, ie: able to unhinge lower jaw, having thermal senses (like some snakes are able to "see" body heat with special "sensors" on their face", excreting venom (much like a snake or spider. or perhaps scorpion), some might be cold blooded, etc...not really sure yet.

[Anonymous No.1385213]

bump

[Mérre !!h5ehGz8ruyB No.1385214]

>>1385201
The climax is that when he is offered death, he is told he has twenty-four hours to live. for these twenty four hours, his legs work, and his arm has re-appeared. he has full function over himself.
but he has become so grumpy, that he no-longer knows how to have fun, be happy, and enjoy himself. he dies a miserable being.

[Onyx !VIruSDVYP. No.1385218]

>>1385201
may not sound interesting to you (or me for that matter) but there are a great number of people out there who enjoy stories that are very similar to what Mérre described exactly as he described it

[Anonymous No.1385222]

>>1385119

Sounds like a Twilight Zone episode I just watched.

[Anonymous No.1385221]

Surrealist dark-comedy.

Modern age and a black hole has opened near Earth. Riots and claims of judgement day break out across the earth leading to a religious control over media and society. One man, instead of seeking forgiveness and acceptance from a God he doesn't believe, searches out the people he has wronged to try and forgive himself as the world collapses around him.

or something.

[Mérre !!h5ehGz8ruyB No.1385227]

>>1385221
>Black hole has opened near earth
fun fact: a black hole the size of a marble would be the same mass as the earth.
ice plot you have going, but try some other sort of event. like a giant meteor. or a supernova.

[Mérre !!h5ehGz8ruyB No.1385229]

>>1385222
the one with the manniquins?

[Anonymous No.1385230]

>>1385227
Yes, backed up by reality would help that. Black hole was a first thought, it could be replaced with any world-destroying event really.

[Onyx !VIruSDVYP. No.1385231]

its late ya'll thinks for listeing.
night /lit/

[Anonymous No.1385250]

>>1385229

No, the one where the guy trades his soul for immortality, and by the end asks to die.

[Anonymous No.1385288]

Far into the future humanity has left the desolate earth to search the heavens for a new home. One pilgrim frigate is instead looking for something quite different. It is looking for god. The frigate is the size of a city and supports over a million human lives. The ship was not always run by a religious hierarchy but during its twelfth year in deepspace a reverend and his followers staged a coup and gained control. Soon the "non believers" were sent to the underworks of the ship to live in the dark fighting for scraps of food that falls down form the processing plant.
Everything is going according to plan until the frigate stumbles upon a massive derelict ship. Then a schism of all sorts breaks loose.

[Anonymous No.1385296]

>>1385288

I'm intrigued and interested, though the looking for God thing reminds me a bit too much of Futurama.

[Anonymous No.1385525]

In a dystopian future city a CEO of a massive company (Sequin Myers) masquerades as a masked folk/vigilante/leader to rile up the citizens so that they cause the city to become unstable so he can buy it up. In the process of this he sees how the city is down on the streets and how the people suffers he starts to love them, his company is taken over by his best friend and they start to gut the city. He start to use the people to fight back and cause his friend to look bad. In the end he succeeds in doing that and at the crescendo of the story when he reveals him self to be the ex CEO the people lynch him believing he was using them.

[Anonymous No.1387154]

bump

[Anonymous No.1389271]

PAGE 15

DON'T YOU DIE ON ME

[Bearded Pychon Guy No.1389310]

>>1385069

5/10. Makes me think of the Genetech setting for D20 Modern and the Rippers from Tank Girl. For some reason I see it set in a alternate/parallel history and not the present/near-future.

>>1385119

3/10. Not bad by any means, but from your description it sounds like you've thought more about the villain than the hero, and consequently the description doesn't sound all that interesting. Work on it. Read or re-read The Golden Compass and watch how Pullman constructs the story. The way he hooks the reader in the first chapter is instructive.

[Anonymous No.1389332]

ITT: TL;DN

Lear2pitch goddamit

[Bearded Pychon Guy No.1389333]

>>1385129

3/10. There's something there, but I don't think you've found it yet. I'm not sure whether the character is supposed to be an everyman and the story "why do people want to live?/why do people want to die?" or whether it's meant to be a character study, where you drill into the motives of that particular person. It could work either way, but it doesn't sound like you've chosen which.

>>1385140

7/10, though I have granted an point on promise of cheese-related hilarity alone. What I get from this is the remoteness of the woman's crime -- that whatever she might have done is so removed from where he is and what he's doing that the ethics of it are none of his concern. I don't get the sense that he would be horrified to discover that she had hurt or killed people, and that his crisis is less about whether to protect her than it is learning to live with what he did to do so. That is to say, her crime is remote to him (even if it were objectively worse), but his is (obviously) not.

Watch Woody Allen's Crimes and Misdemeanors.

[Bearded Pychon Guy No.1389346]

>>1385192

4/10 on the basis of the description, but it has promise. First, I'm not sure if this was your intent but this sounds appropriate for a comic, and that's not a bad thing. Even if you're not into comics, I'd suggest learning about how they're written and produced and think about writing it in that format. It gives you license to stretch plausibility that fiction generally doesn't, for one thing.

Second, as mental disorders are not objective phenomenon, it seems appropriate to me that most of the characters not have a lot of insight into their own conditions. Someone who is paranoid, for instance, does not realize that he is paranoid. That's a label that others ascribe to what he thinks is normal. So it seems like a great way for several different characters to "bond", by having a shared acceptance or understanding of each other's conditions. "I don't think you're crazy" is one of the nicest things you can say to a crazy person, but usually only crazy people will say it. The idea that several such "crazy" people could cooperate and achieve something great (or horrible) is interesting.

[Anonymous No.1389362]

Taking place in a futuristic earth in the massively urbanized global city (EG: entire world covered in skyscrapers that reach to the very limits of the stratosphere), An entirely transhuman entity hardly even aware or in control of itself gradually consumes all of societies consciousness into a gigantic supra-entity, only to realize too late that even it's consciousness will be annihilated within the entity. The plot is intercut with an analogous tale concerning the alienation of a near-futuristic nuclear family viewed through the perspective of a young girl. The girl is initially assumed to be watching the events of the first story, but the ending reveals that the unconscious supra-entity is merely dreaming of both stories while the universe fades into nothing all around it.

[Bearded Pychon Guy No.1389366]

>>1385221

8/10, reminds me of an idea I had about a man who invents a time machine and only uses it to go back and fix the really minor and mundane mistakes in his own life. The idea of people frittering away their brief time on earth with trivial things or self-created problems is always intriguing to me because is that not what we do with our too-brief lives anyway? Or is that just me? Anyway, there is ample comedy to be found in what people cling to under stress, but it can also be used to convey what you think is really important, so resist the urge to make it all one big joke in the end.

Also, watch Woody Allen's Stardust Memories.

[Bearded Pychon Guy No.1389383]

>>1385288

6/10. The parallels between faith and a generations-long space voyage are good. (It's been done, but not that much.) I mean, you have the space voyage itself which parallels historical pilgrimages and faithful migrations, but it also parallels individual faith.

It sounds like you're positing a strict division between the believers and non-believers, but I think you could have a richer story with a broader spectrum of beliefs. Absolute faith might be the only publicly acceptable stance, but one may doubt, disagree with the religious authorities on points of theology or practicality, etc. There is a lot of tension to be found in a person who begins to doubt but who is obligated to maintain a facade or be punished severely. Think of the Puritans or the Inquisition ferreting out witches amongs their own. (Reminds me in a good way of Warhammer 40k. )

Read Philip K. Dick's The Man Who Japed. And 1984, if you haven't.

I would suggest thinking about how religious ideology mutates over time and give the theocrats the sort of beliefs that you think you might get if they were stuck in a bubble with a million people unconnected from the rest of the universe for a while. Read The True Believer by Eric Hoffer to get an idea of how ideologies can spread.

[None !!U++BIsatWS5 No.1389392]

Picture a pompous scientist cunt, physics graduate working in engineering. One day berates a journalist about the worthlessness of his chosen profession, in ignorance of the equality in terms of salary. In the dead of night, some sort of jinn-like plot device arrives and explains to him that 50% of physics is speculative, meaningless garbage, and tells him the secrets of the universe. The simultaneous loss of meaning and sudden, expansive enlightenment causes him to lose a screw, he marauds out into traffic and gets himself killed. The editorial psychological profile and later follow up piece on suicide/drug abuse in the engineering and construction administration industries wins the same journalist a multitude of prizes and wild riches, the ironic circle turns fully, finish with a gay bdsm sex scene and a frank sinatra interlude.

[Bearded Pychon Guy No.1389424]

>>1385525

4/10, but potential. I don't think I need to tell you that it's a comic-suitable plot (and that's no slight), but being that
it's a little too "Batman gone awry". At least as-is. It needs something to make the protagonist's shift plausible--why would he personally take to the streets? Greed alone doesn't convince. I'd suggest rethinking his motives first and then re-thinking how he enacts them.
For instance: The image that hit me at the end was that the CEO was not a masked vigilante, but was an anonymous author who had been publishing some very rabble-rousing and inflammatory prose (trolling, in essence) only to find the reaction to it causes his own true views to change. By the end, he's writing what he believes and publicly living a lie. And, poetically, the last thing he writes (anonymously) is used as justification of the murder of his own public persona by those who he had inspired. Same idea, different take.

[Anonymous No.1389428]

9/10, a potential masterpiece, particularly the ending.

[Anonymous No.1389432]

>>1389392
9/10, a potential masterpiece, particularly the ending.

[Bearded Pychon Guy No.1389454]

>>1389362

8/10 for convincing me there's hope for singularity/transhuman sci-fi. With the right spin on it I think it could be very literary, too, if you give a lot of attention to the experience of consciousness and of memory, and dreams. I get the feeling that your transhuman entity is not (as in much sci-fi) just incomprehensibly godlike, but could be understood as a thinking organism in the same way that a society or culture (or family) could be understood as an organism, if that makes sense. And so the girl's story in particular would be like the transhuman entity's mind sort of reflecting on itself in the same way that a person can think about his own thinking. That's the impression I get, at least.

Read Charles Stross' Accelerando (if you haven't). Not a triumphantly great book, but it should give you an idea of the kind of weirdness transhuman sci-fi can entail.

Also, Ubik and VALIS by Philip K. Dick. Neither are exactly related, but you might get a kick out of them.

[Bearded Pychon Guy No.1389461]

>>1389392

"San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place..."

But srsly tho, 7/10.

[Anonymous No.1389463]

Themes of the medieval chivalric romance are explored through a guy ("knight") and a girl ("damsel") who get caught up in the Appalachian Meth trade.

would probably make more sense with the legit mexican cartels, but being from kentucky I'd rather write about what I know.

[Anonymous No.1389467]

I've posted this in a previous topic like this awhile ago.

A man who works as a scientist has always dreamed of a more interesting life. One day while walking around outside he is hit with a bright light coming from the sky and passes out. When he wakes up he finds himself on a alien world and finds out that the light was part of a transportation beam that's coordinates got hacked and they picked him up by mistake.

After he is released he runs into a street rouge and ends up getting mixed up in the radical terrorist group he runs. The group is in a war with the evil dictator that runs the planet with a iron fist.

The story focus's on the scientist who sides with the terrorist and ends up leanring that the rouge is the one who hacked the system and got him there in the first place and must choose between ending the war once and for all and living the life he's always wanted, or finding a way home and leaving it all behind.

[Bearded Pychon Guy No.1389468]

>>1389463

5/10, but that's not much to go on.

I used to live in western NC and knew people into meth, so I have an idea of what you're talking about.

[Thompson !!U++BIsatWS5 No.1389477]

>>1389461
So you picked up on the Hunter S. Thompson thing.

Ironically, that's actually the name I use with this trip, you freakish psychic.

[Anonymous No.1389480]

Apes learn how to christmas.

[Anonymous No.1389485]

The setting is a "tasteful mess". It's not in the past, but the trains are oldfashioned, it's not in the present, but the cities are preety much like our own, technology is there to some things. No specific country.

Opens up with a one-armed man, rude appearance, sort of dumb, taking the train to the big city, starting a new life. Next to him sits a very weird man, who is soon to be discovered a woman in disguise. She leaves the train really soon but she forgets a sealed letter. The man of course, keeps it in order to help her.

He then goes to the place to which the letter is addressed, but he realizes that is the place his old "nemesis" is now living. A very old and rich man, who despises him more than anything. Our hero was his bodyguard long ago, but the reader never finds out what really happened between the two. He is chased down by the old man's new bodyguards and eventually he loses all his belongings, except for the letter and his clothes. By the end of the chase, he pass out, banging his head somewhere. He wakes up under a bridge with an old native american-like man, who takes care of him for a while. The man asks for advice, but all the old homeless guy does is show him the paintings on the walls, grafittis and cave painting styles, writings and doodles, the biggest canvas the world has ever known: the city itself and the ones bold enough to mark it outside the law.

And yadda yadda yadda, I don't know the rest yet. I'm still figuring things out, but there will be some dream sequences and we are never going to see what's written in the letter, the man keeps it in the end, but he promises not to open.

I know it sounds weird, but this is very meaningful to me. Do you promise not to crush me? This will be a comic book I'm working on for a contest and I want to keep it unusual, entertaining but powerful.

[Bearded Pychon Guy No.1389494]

>>1389467

5/10, but it seems incomplete. I feel like the evil dictator needs a more immediate motive and activity that makes him evil. Like, it isn't just that he's the ruler, but that at the time the story takes place, he's doing something particularly evil and it needs foiling particularly soon.

It also seems that the protagonist has no reason to go home. So I would suggest giving him one that isn't a real loss to give up. E.g. maybe he's in love with a girl who doesn't love him anymore, and can't let go. When he gets picked up and thrown into adventure, he only wants to go back to her, but by the end, when he's grown up a bit (as characters do), maybe the last bit of growth is for him to let go of the past and move on with his new, more dangerous, more exciting, less predictable life.

Also, when I read "rogue" I think "morally ambiguous", and the fact that this character is responsible for starting the whole adventure, I get the feeling that they would have fed the protagonist what they thought was a white lie that it was the tyrant's fault they were brought there, and that protagonist is going to feel betrayed to discover that his ally had mislead him. Maybe he feels so betrayed that he turns his friend over to the tyrant in exchange for a ticket home.

[Anonymous No.1389504]

Noir story about a unnamed typical California town in the 60s. Two kids have scheduled a fight on Lookout Hill for sunset that day. The story starts in the morning with plenty of flashbacks of how the fight (between 2 former best friends) has began. Mix a bit of occult into it (surfer shamans that dwell in a cave by the beach and a witch or two).

[Anonymous No.1389505]

>>1389494
I actually have most of those details worked out, I just didn't think anyone would read it if I posted a long post full of these things.

Did you want me to elaborate?

[Anonymous No.1389507]

>>1389346
Thanks for the tip that kind of helps, I was kind of aiming for a batman gone wrong angle but I like the troll idea more, im kind of in the planning for it to be a watchmen style limited run comic.

[Anonymous No.1389509]

Egh why not.

Russian mail-order bride comes to the US to marry her old man customer, but finds him dead (of natural causes) in his home. Takes what ever cash he's got and roams around for a while in the city; realizes it's kind of shitty. Meets a 'laywer' guy with whom she tells her story and he convinces her that the two of them could find a way to get whatever money the old man had. Later on, we find out that the laywer was just some whacko guy with a shitty degree from Devry Institute, had no idea what he was doing. The two get caught, he gets jail/whatever, she gets deported back to Russia.

[Anonymous No.1389512]

This
>>1389507
was aimed at this
>>1389424

[Anonymous No.1389514]

WWI from the viewpoint of a trench.

[Bearded Pychon Guy, freakish psychic No.1389515]

>>1389477

:3

>>1389480

10/10 Solid gold with the rays of morning sun glinting off of it. ::glint:: ::glint:: Can you see it? ::glint::

>>1389485

9/10, keep it up.

Check out Joshua Allen's Chokeville: http://chokeville.com/ It's...well, it was a novel in progress for about five years, now I'm not sure what the fuck he's doing with it. Might not be your cup of tea, but the way you describe the setting reminded me of it, which is high praise. Also, where you say "rude appearance, sort of dumb", and dream sequences, I see The Maxx.

I don't know why, but it seems to me that the hero and his nemesis are brothers. I think it's just what my mind fills in when two men are opposed in that way without much explanation as to why.

[Bearded Pychon Guy, freakish psychic No.1389525]

>>1389504

7/10, drama between friends is lovely, and I like the dawn-to-dusk thing with flashbacks, particularly if the flashbacks get weirder or are non-sequential, or if they sort of add to the pot of what the conflict between them is about. First you think it's about a girl, then you realize it's about a girl and something else, etc.

I have a weird soft spot for certain 'dark' surf-rock that would make a great soundtrack to it, too.

You might find Pynchon's 'Inherent Vice' (set in that time and place, with a dose of surf-mysticism and noir elements) interesting. Also, the Rian Johnson film "Brick", which is a noir pastiche set around a modern high school. Not sure how "kids" your "kids" are, but the movie's great anyway.

[Anonymous No.1389533]

>>1389505
This is me, I've decided to elaborate anyways.

This is me, I'm just going to elaborate on the few points already mentioned.
>>1389467
1. The evil dictator is interested in the process of taking over the galaxy they are in one planet at the time. The teleportation device was originally made by the planet's(that the story takes place in) top scientist and they are currently the only ones that have that technology. It is used to bring other planet's leaders to them against their will and force treaties and such on them. There is only a couple leaders left resisting the dictator and they aren't actively going to war with them.

The dictator is bringing the planets under a martial law that is run by his own race of people in which all others are lesser being in their eyes and have no chance of rising up.

2. The protagonist has a wife at home that he is in the beginning seen as having a deteriorating relationship with. This is how he leaves. As he is away he desperately is torn between wanted to help his new found friends (explained in section 3 here) and going home because he realizes this may be too much for him. Later he sees a viewing of his wife with a child and another man in the picture that is obviously her new lover. He knows the child is his, and he knows his wife moved on.

3. When the protagonist shows up he is arrested on the planet because they think he is the terrorist. When he is released he runs into the rogue on the street who catches him in a confused situation and frames him for a crime the rogue committed. After getting thrown in jail a night the rogue comes in to break him out claiming "it's far easier to break into prison than break out". The rogue then takes pity on him and takes him in seeing as how he has no where else to go and listens to the man's story and to the reader it will be slowly revealed that the rogue was the one who caused it.

[Bearded Pychon Guy, freakish psychic No.1389544]

>>1389505

Hey, if you've got that stuff worked out, go write it!

I'm worried I might be coming off as a dick trying to write people's stories, but I really only mean to help fill in the blanks.

>>1389507


>>1389509

3/10 Started off good, but it needs a middle, and the end just sounds like the news. Try thinking of some really crazy "goes to 11" ideas and then dial them back down. Like, she comes to the US, finds the man dead...but he's a zombie! That's an 11. Then turn it back down...ok, he's not a zombie, but maybe he's not just dead but brutally murdered. Or the killer is still there. Or it was suicide because he thought she wasn't coming. Or something happened that made him regret or fear meeting her. Or he dies right in front of her and she's too shocked to save him. And so on. Same with the guy she meets, etc.

[Anonymous No.1389546]

>>1389515
Thanks for the link, I'll check it out.

The settings are inspired by 90's stuff, actually. Anime such as Cowboy Bebop (icon mess, in a good way), comics like Sandman that deals with a bunch of different mythologies or even Preacher, as well as some sci-fi something-punk movies like Fifth Element or Blade Runner. I don't want it to be that much crazy, though.

>"rude appearance, sort of dumb", and dream sequences, I see The Maxx
Haha, great.

I was actually thinking about some kind of humble and strong personality, someone not so bright, but respectful in a way. Later I thought of Myamoto Musashi from the beggining of the book, this is preety much what I want. Also, Blacksad (comic book) and when I was designing the character I was surprised at the first result: his face looked a lot like Jason Statham. I smiled.

>the hero and his nemesis are brothers
Perfect! Not like that's what I had in mind or what I would do, but this is a great interpretation! They could be brothers, yes.

Actually, this is very symbolic. I don't like telling what I'm thinking, I think the final product must speak by itself (and open to different readings). Anyway, this is the first time I build a story like this: going from abstract ideas, analogies and symbols into a coherent plot. Most of the times (not only from me, but from most ideas I read around) you have a basic plot "what if this man derped and herped and in the end hurrr?" and work on top of it. I don't know if working the opposite way will lead me to a good result, but I'm happy with what I have right now. This is also why I don't have a clue about what happends next, but it's not hard to connect the dots in my mind about a few things (the letter).

[Bearded Pychon Guy, freakish psychic No.1389579]

>>1389514

0/10 Eef I vanted to rheed un storry abhout souzands of mehn climbing een und aut ov a hole, I'd rheed your mutter's diarry.

[Anonymous No.1389606]

>>1389544
thanks for the feedback - I did consider the whole 'old man murdered, lets find out what who did it' storyline, but she's a Russian mail-order bride, so not very smart and the only reason she was going to marry this guy was in order to stay in the US. I was considering having her go a little loose with the money she found in the old man's house, running off to Vegas or somewhere spectacular, and a few weeks in she gets caught as an 'illegal immigrant' and has to go on the run. Now she's on a desperate search for a new husband, which is where the lawyer guy comes in. In her mind lawyer = $$ and security, but the guy is a little looney, talking about conspiracies and threats against his life. She sticks with him since he's the only person she's met and the two start figuring out how to get the rest of the old man's money together. I'm ad-libbing at this point, but it's the most concrete thing I've got so far.

[Anonymous No.1389727]

>>1389383
There's a much richer story to be told

but im afraid that my idea will be stolen

[Anonymous No.1389733]

>>1389727
Man, what a shame it would be if someone stole your unpublished, never-to-be-completed-or-shown-to-anyone story idea for their own unpublished, never-to-be-completed-or-shown-to-anyone story idea.

[Anonymous No.1389739]

The first man gazed out over his domain, a great swathe of rolling grassland, coiling and wrapping itself around the earth; alive with its own music. The sound of breath, caught in the throat of a young lion, the same breath that when exhaled would rise up, and take its place among the clouds, and as these clouds grew heavy with the exhalations of the world, they would begin to split, to tear open at the seams, to come crashing down with something that couldn't be described as fury, but a certain urgency. Rain, pouring from the heavens fed the land, and not knowing when the next drink would come, it drank deeply. Seeds for the first time crack open at the call of the clouds and the clatter of the rain, small hands search for the sky, so that they may reach for the sun, a distance far too great to be covered, but in reaching life might be found. The grass forever reaching finds a home in the mouth of a gazelle whose herd had left it there, too old to do much of anything, especially live.
The lion exhaled as it leapt.

the twist is that it's actually a story about a Napoleonic soldier who was abandoned in Russia and must make his way home, magical realism and all.

[Anonymous No.1389763]

The Era of the Sin -Setting. Sex, food and hedonism as far as the eye can see.
Moral depravity is the social norm

Commonwealth of Morality -Antagonist group?
A small conglomerate of moral and social "activists" who want to return the world to it's former "glory".

Indivisible Decadence Federation -Protagonist group?
A sort of "government" that only enforces 2 rules "No Murder" and "No thieving".
They believe in doing whatever feels pleasurable.


I wrote that some time ago as a very brief idea I had, but I'm not sure how to continue with it. It would have been a story where the hero... I guess? Has to journey to defeat the Commonwealth of Morality.

[Anonymous No.1389793]

tom cruise is an alien but he lands on an alien planet where they see him as the alien which reveals that there is a little green man inside us all

[Anonymous No.1389828]

>>1389793
10/10 if you don't make this right now then Disney will make it and sue you for your idea.

[Mr. Noc !RXm61rnmYY No.1389836]

Two interdimensional detectives,
their undead rival,
an army of zombies,
an recently reincarnated man,
a treasure hunter,
his best friend,
a murderous gigolo,
his psychotic lover,
her hapless husband,
a group of assassins,
and very pissed off deity...
all cross paths during two days.

[Anonymous No.1389875]

A donkey with autism awakes one day and finds himself living as a human being. with the soul of a donkey.
also he's blind

[Anonymous No.1390754]

[Anonymous No.1391039]

bamp

[Anonymous No.1391529]

pmub