/hpg/ harry potter general

[Anonymous No.13387657]

Harry Pothead edition

Which house is /lit/ house, which house is your house, which house is mine?
Which house has best girls?
Which house has best parties?

[Anonymous No.13387663]

UH UH AH AH

[Anonymous No.13387667]

>>13387657
reminder: if you are not intimately familiar with everything on this chart you may not respond to this thread

[Anonymous No.13387795]

Had a crash on Hermione since childhood. My first gf was annoying book reading bitch. Miss those days...

[Anonymous No.13387905]

>>13387795
>>since childhood
>implying it never stopped into adulthood

[Anonymous No.13388086]

>>13387667
Which house were you sorted into, anon?

[Anonymous No.13388179]

>>13387663
lemon key

[Anonymous No.13388192]

>>13387667

>NRSV Bible

Putting aside issues of "muh translation," you absolutely need to read KJV to understand Harry Potter, as its language is heavily inspired from its cadences and rhythms.

[Anonymous No.13388528]

>>13387905
oh fuck really

[Anonymous No.13389166]

ravenclaw fag

[Anonymous No.13389731]

If only the fucking jannies would wake up from their hot pocket comas for ten minutes a day to check on /lit/, perhaps we would never have been inflicted with a thread about the dullest franchise in the history of movie franchises. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

[Anonymous No.13390270]

>>13389731
Hey, that's not a nice pasta!

[Anonymous No.13390604]

>>13387657
snep is daddy
just read the erofanfics and watch the movies 1-3. everything else is shit.

[Anonymous No.13390872]

>>13387657
>Which house is /lit/ house, which house is your house, which house is mine?

Fuck off

>Which house has best girls?

In Bongland? Whichever one currently has the most international students.

>Which house has best parties?
Slytherin parties suck because the scheming aristocrat alphas are fiercely possessive of their harems and you get beat up by their goons if you so much as try to talk to a girl they own.

Hufflepuff parties are giant cuddle puddles, but their affirmative consent rules are so strong that no one ever gets laid (a circlejerk is the most you can hope for). And the environment of total safety and friendship makes even sex unsexy.

Ravenclaw parties. Room full of awkward nerds trying to seem smart. With each step you trip over a copy of the Feynman Lectures, Godel Escher Bach, or Infinite Jest.

Gryffindor parties. Bunch of assholes smoking weed and bragging about their latest midnight duel. Girls won't even speak to you unless you killed a magic creature in close combat within the past week.

Everyone on campus who is having sex has snuck out to Hogsmeade anyway and isn't at the lame House parties.

Honestly, the cool kids party with the house elves. I hear they get up to some strange shit in the Teachers' Lounge too.

[Anonymous No.13390899]

>>13387657
Harry Potter is unironically some reactionary bullshit.
>protagonist born with "special" bloodline
>wants to be a cop when he grows up
>antisemitic "hook nosed, gold obsessed goblin" trope
>literal indentured servitude for elves, liberating them treated as a hilarious joke
Ironic the author tries to be such a huge lib nowadays, guess she saw where the money train was heading.

[Anonymous No.13390956]

>>13390899
Interesting take, I like it.

[Anonymous No.13392026]

>>13390872
more!

[Anonymous No.13392060]

>>13390872
>tfw you discover the Death-Eaters' name actually refer to their ritual sex practices.

[Anonymous No.13392088]

>>13390872
/comfy/
thx anon, very cute

[Anonymous No.13392095]

>>13390899
>Ironic the author tries to be such a huge lib nowadays, guess she saw where the money train was heading.
Nah, I think she's genuine. She's just a goofy old lady with too big a heart. Most women—and *Trump gesture* I love women, believe me—are ill equipped for politics. I will always love her for HP.

[Anonymous No.13392129]

>>13392026
Not him, but Hufflepuffs know how to party.

[Anonymous No.13393544]

[Anonymous No.13393629]

>>13392026
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6325173/1/A-Little-Static-Fling

[Anonymous No.13394128]

>>13387657
Just started Book 7 yesterday, when is Snape going to become likeable? He's such a popular and well-liked character in the fandom, there must be a reason for it, but he just comes off as a child-abusing jerk throughout the books. I do have a feeling that he'll turn out to have been on the heroes' side all along, but this does not excuse him being a shit teacher and forcing a 12 year old to murder his pet during class. For now I feel that, even if Snape somehow ends up single-handedly killing off Voldemort, bringing Harry's parents back to life and curing cancer, he's still going to be a shitty person in my book. Just why is this guy so popular and well-liked by people? Is there going to be a grand twist that explains it and I just have to keep reading, or is it some sort of "abusive teachers are cool" thing I don't get?

[Anonymous No.13394161]

>>13394128
Just watch the movies, why would you bother reading lmao

[Anonymous No.13394383]

>>13394161
I'm a nerd I guess

[Anonymous No.13394608]

>>13394383
Fair enough, are you Ravenclaw?

[Anonymous No.13394957]

>>13387667
>Critique of pure reason at the end
Kek

Also say what you want but that order of the HP books is absolutely based.

[Anonymous No.13395270]

>>13394128
Toward the end of that book he sacrificed himself to save harry because of his love for Harry's mom, and it goes in depth into how he was good all along

[Anonymous No.13396220]

>>13395270
>lives as a cuck
>dies a cuck
can't make this shit up

[Anonymous No.13396441]

>>13390899
>literal indentured servitude for elves, liberating them treated as a joke
no wonder so many democrats love the HP books

[Anonymous No.13396486]

>>13387667
>commie manifesto instead of capital
Cringe! The person who made this chart doesn't read.