/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.13327682]

malcom smiled wryly at the brilliant sight of his own sweet tincture, a purple-gold shimmering liquid smelling faintly of rose water and givenchy xeryus rouge parfum. he paced around his modest seattle apartment, decorated plainly but carefully with beautiful ethiopian hand weaved rugs and michel haneke film posters so that women AND men knew how interesting he was. little did malcum's friends and acquittances know that his recent scientific breakthrough, the concoction filtered and siphoned through beakers and glass tubes strewn all across his tasteful hardwood floors, contained mind expanding macrodoses of LSD, DMT, and cancer-curing dark sumatra "french" roasted CBD beans, capable of helping women experience orgasms and finally open up their bodies to themselves like men for once and also find asian men attraction and eliminate centuries of sexist hollywood feminization of asian male actors, proving that any rich man can be the center of a shallow cash grab whose target demographic is race hating asian yuppies and kegel obsessed micropenis loving white allies, #kegelsforasianmenonly. before he had time to bath in his wholy deserved self satisfaction, however, malcom came to a swift realization. "i stink!" malcom thought to himself and blurted out in a unique but sharp blend of proper british, australian, and singaporean dialects mixing together, much like his most recent invention, to create a potent aphrodesiaxic native tongue that drove any woman of his choosing crazy. it was true, he had been so focused on his work that it had been days since he even thought of showering or trimming his few blessed facial hairs, which now resembled the first dozen stalks rising from a newly planted rice patty! malcom ran to the fridge, and began dousing himself in ice cold pamplemousse flavored michelob ultra.

[Anonymous No.13327687]

>>13327682
NOTE: pamplemousse is no longer FUNNY, blood sucking east coast cum dumpster (gay male best friend) scummy gum hair glub nubs no longer drink la croix and instead enjoy the appropriately flavored waspy lemon-lime-wasp flavored perrier sparkling water with tinier, ecofriendlier bubbles. this is because in the future, hard crunchy food has been replaced with mega efficient insect "bug" farms and the upper middle class feeds almost exclusively on bugs or "chocolate syrup" derived from bug excrement, while red meat has been revealed to be the primary cause of diabetes (this is actually true) and is force fed to low iq "morons" knowingly by the government eugenics department under the guise of "intelligence boosting high protein genius superfood". the problem with drinking sparkling wasp water is the rare 1/58264 "shiny pokemon" chance of swallowing a live wasp that miraculously flew the microgrid laser gauntlet and survived. most of the time these chance encounters are fine, but in the rare case that the wasp makes it to the stomach lining before being immulsified by acid, that little guy has one chance with his stinger to "titty fuck" your abdominal wall. weak constitution (women and undesirable minorities) who have not been weeded out in government mass incarceration programs or through selective "peanut allergy" early birth vaccine conditioning may find themselves in a bit of a pickle as the wasp makes his (figuratively HIS with their wasp penii/stinger) way through your colon cervix lungs lymphs and bladder, causing blood and shit to pour from eyes ears and mouth while likely inducing mental "prostate" endless orgasms (this whole last bit is just for fans of fight club and uber moron fucknoids who kept reading)

[Anonymous No.13328201]

friends told me and warned me after a soft rain to expect the black
and brown worms bibbling from the soil, not getting disturbed or
making a scene like i usually do, to ask silly questions or make
myself naive. i thought to check out the windows, rapping on my coffee
cup and stirring and spitting a little with cafe and spit washing
around my mouth gazing out at the front lawn of R's parents' house in
portland. thick cockly centipedes pulled long bodies from the pores
leading to the _underground_, slick tongue lapping at the mist lying
lowly on suburban grass. in diameter they were sizes of fingers but
grew quick, sucking up moisture to take on the size of tails and
tongues, towards ankles shins and sumple thighs. after engoragement
and gabbing up their sloppy faces they reach claw over to sidewalk and
roll back and forth. R is cooking red blends; i just wish i were back
in a santa ana gay bar with rockabily cholos' showing off their dark
blue boyfriends. out front, portland proud, doggish sized insects
without eyes or organs are to survive covered in glands, shaped
eyelike to scare off hungry homeless mongoloids, secreting pounds of
sweat for coolent, huffing at air with grunk skin folds imitating
mouths and rolling a pore along the ground like a whole begging for
yay.

worms are more hume each year in the portland zone, their animating
principles are rumored as combustion engines for nomad
shades. zoobooks describe in detail the old souls hitchhiking in the
underground, back to the surface to beg for forgiveness from lost
lovers. ghosts get time in reverse, bubbling gibberish and gargling
thick milky CO2 backwards in nasal euphoria like a spinning top. each
has between five and twelve glands, the five is the true male and
twelve is true female. in between are cursed concubines and middle
school dorks, bullied and humped by alpha pedes whose violent
temperment rises with frustrations of not having cocks or
bones. females belittle each other over the sphericity and size of
their gapes and the accumulation of acidic crust in their folds. it is
yet unknown to scientists how communication occurs, shamans and whores
propose psycho-spiritual powers from the godhead; more likely
infrasonic waves are piped into the concrete, or demonic governing
hive soul thrives underground, building birds' nests and sending
hidden codes along paper cup telephone poles, touching the pedes at
the base of their septums with wirelike chains so thin we have yet to
detect them.