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/lit/ - Literature

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13251220 No.13251220 [Reply] [Original]

>have a literature degree
>have a philosophy degree
>graduated two years ago and haven't read a book in months
>had a (mostly harmless) psychotic episode a few months ago and now see insanity in everything artistic or intellectual
>afraid of deep ideas spurring another mental breakdown
>can't concentrate anyway and feel more stupid day by day
>my mind is weak

How do I fix this, boys? I yearn for the days that I could explore esoteric ideas and discuss them passionately with others without feeling crazy. I feel like surrounding myself with normies five days a week and the monotony of the 9-5 lifestyle is really pulling my mind in two opposing directions. But plenty of other people with much, much deeper knowledge are seemingly well-adjusted. How does it all work?

>> No.13251229

I also had a psychotic break while reading Hegel. If you're on medication, you have nothing to fear anymore. It's not the ideas that cause a mental distortion, it's just biological man.

>> No.13251232

>>13251220
>How do I fix this, boys
Have sex or die.

>> No.13251245

>had a (mostly harmless) psychotic episode...

My suggestion is to stop larping.

>> No.13251246

I dont believe you have those degrees. Or if you do, they are illegitimate and obtained from you doing online """courses""""

>> No.13251300

>>13251245
By mostly harmless I mean that I was thankfully by myself and was able to calm myself down after quite some time but still experienced a terrifying break from reality that spurred a panic attack and irrational behavior that I'd be ashamed of if anyone were to have witnessed it.

>>13251229
I'm do not take medication, nor do I have any desire to start. I'm terrified of anything that alters my perception of things in any way, shit, I won't even take cold medicine anymore. This is coming from someone who did plenty of drugs growing up, too.

>>13251246
Why do you think that? I went to a fairly well-respected, but not top-tier, school and got good grades.

>> No.13251330

>>13251300
You're being a massive faggot. Everyone has breaks from reality sometimes,you're just being a pussy about it.

>> No.13251370

>>13251220
Nice larp you don't have any of those degrees and everyone has down times, you-are-not-special. Deflate your ego and maybe you'll feel like you belong for once.

>> No.13251374

>>13251220
I had a psychotic episode around 2 years ago and I still have hallucinations and some paranoia. Don't worry man! It gets better.

1) Get a therapist

2) Get a friend or 2

3) Talk to your friend(s) at least 3 times a week

4) (Optional) Get a girlfriend

Don't worry, you'll be back on your feet in no time.
I cope with it through the understanding that psychosis is a very normal part of human subjectivity, you just had a larger than healthy dose of it. Like most things, moderation is key. Plus: psychotic shit keeps me creative as a philosophy student myself.

>> No.13251380

>>13251330
You're may be right but I'm 25 years old, have lived with depression and anxiety for over half my life and hadn't experienced anything like this until recently. I used to think I had a strong mental fortitude that could withstand trauma and look at things from a distance, thinking critically and in depth. I seem to have lost that. I used to be desensitized to the point that nothing you could show me would phase me, but now I get uncomfortable when things like schizophrenia and psychopathy are brought up in conversations or even in media. If you keep telling me I'm a pussy for giving too much weight to these common strains of thought then I'll feel better, actually.

>> No.13251389

>>13251229
berkan?

>> No.13251392

>>13251300
If it genuinely was a psychotic episode then I can't explain how beneficial lithium has been for me. I am also anti medication but you don't have to stay on it forever. Lithium is the only thing that has ever helped me.

>> No.13251401

>>13251220
I'd chat with you Anon. I've:
>A degree in molecular biology
>A degree in software engineering
>Primary reading material is US history, but my interests are very broad.

Have any burner contact info?

>> No.13251403

>>13251380
Your a pussy with a huge ego and a wannabe-tortured artist complex.

>> No.13251411

>>13251392
>>13251300

I suppose I should say also I understand what you mean about seeing insanity in every artistic thing. Mania gives you a different insight into the world that is hard to shake off once you've experienced it.

>> No.13251420

>>13251403
this

>> No.13251440

>>13251374
Thanks for some reassurance. I have great friends I talk to often and have been wanting to see a therapist again but find it difficult to justify the weekly expense. I think this kinda started when I had a girlfriend, though. I look back on our relationship fondly, but after living in the same space with her for a couple of years I found it difficult to separate my identity from her, leading to a kind of solipsistic outlook that was difficult to get out of despite it being quite shallow philosophically. Which then led to constructing this idealist framework that I think lends itself to a sense of dissociation quite naturally.

>> No.13251456

I had a psychotic break from LSD a few months ago and I've also been feeling like a lot of philosophy verges on psychotic or dangerous thinking ever since. I am becoming more confused by and afraid of the world with each passing day. I'm not certain I am a good person anymore, which is also a shock to the system.

>> No.13251457

>>13251411
>Mania gives you a different insight into the world that is hard to shake off once you've experienced it.
Ive never understand what Im supposed to do since my manic episode. Every other thing in life that is at all 'good' is like an extremely diluted version of how good mania is. And if mania is just neurotransmitters in the wrong quantity or whatever then everything good is just neurotransmitters except in smaller quantities. What is the point? Like I honestly dont get it. The feelings of intense meaning I got from love, art, religion, accomplishments, I got that exact same feeling except times 100, for doing nothing at all, I just got it all the time for 2 months.

I never bring this up to people because it sounds like a very bizarre complaint but maybe you get what im saying?

>> No.13251461

>>13251403
I actually consider myself rather humble and mediocre at everything I do, my sense of creativity is abysmal and I don't consider myself an artist. Am definitely a huge pussy, though.

>> No.13251467

>>13251457
It's very common for people with bipolar to miss their manic episodes
I know exactly what you mean, and I don't have an answer
I miss mania, but I also don't miss the embarrassment and the agitation that follows it. I still grapple with this.

>> No.13251496

>>13251456
This sums up how I feel pretty well. Some people thrive in a psychotic state, but I'm absolutely terrified of it. I've been staying away from anything intentionally philosophical because of it. Thinking back to psychedelic experiences I had as a teenager seems to trigger these feelings as well, and it's been 6 years since I ingested any psych. One DMT trip in particular is the only one that brings a sense of comfort, everything else makes me feel like I'm slipping back into that delusional, paranoid, schizo state.

>> No.13251514

>>13251401
Sorry, not really, but please do throw down your thoughts here.

>> No.13251538

>>13251496
>>13251456

It's funny the realisation you have reading philosophy (especially postmodern) now and thinking, wow there is a very high likelihood these guys are genuinely psychotic, or gained their insights while in a state of psychosis. I mean this in a slightly different way to when high school girls say things like "woah these guys must have been on drugs." It's like, you read the philosophy and it simultaneously makes complete sense - in the sense that you can see the exact lines of thinking that lead them to these conclusions - but at the same time, by being able to see this, you recognise it for how arbitrary it is. I don't mean this in a dismissive way, I still love philosophy, but I read it in a different way now.

>> No.13251541
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13251541

>>13251220
>>have a literature degree
>>have a philosophy degree

>> No.13251568

>>13251538
I know what you mean but I'm not sure if it's psychosis so much as philosophers block out that voice that says 'this is arbitrary' at some point because they have to if they want to create any system at all. Creation can't be reflexively critical as it is creating. I think philosophers can sort of access psychosis-like freedom of thought-restructuring but without the intense belief that accompanies the delusional. Instead of being sure of themselves they repress and deny their doubts I guess is what Im saying.

>> No.13251598

>>13251467
Im glad you agree. weird situation isn't it, I guess you just take it as it is.

>> No.13251604

>>13251568
>I think philosophers can sort of access psychosis-like freedom of thought-restructuring but without the intense belief that accompanies the delusional.

I think this makes sense, and is probably accurate

>> No.13251671

>>13251514
I'd say the biggest part of being educated and functional is broad interests and a lack of ego or judgement. Do I recreationally read cancer cell biology text books and biographies or Henry Clay? Sure. Do people I know care about that stuff though? Sometimes. Do I also like... Read poetry, watch anime, play computer games. I watch sports and have an interest in sartorial fashion, cobbling, and painting.

Now I'm not GOOD at all those things. I'm bad at a lot of them, or have a very cursory knowledge, but I have -some- knowledge and thats important. It gives me an entry point in conversations, and allows people to talk about THEIR interests while not having what they say go totally over my head.

I'd say try not to look at stuff that other people like (like anime or something) and be judgemental about it. A ton of people like it, and there must be a reason why. Go into everything with an open mind and try and find the value in everything.

Best of luck Anon. Ping this post if you make a burner contact and I'd be happy to chat any time.

>> No.13251722

>>13251220
How did you get a job with a philosophy and literature degree?

>> No.13251739

>>13251671
That's nice and all, but I'm not sure how that's relevant. I also have a broad range of interests-- music, architecture, urban planning, painting, ceramics, skateboarding, and overarching all of them, education, both as a student and a teacher (that is my profession, after all). I used to be rather snobbish with my interest, browsing 4chan frequently when I was younger, but as I came to spend less time here and more time interacting with people my judgemental attitude withered away. I judge people for saying stupid shit all the time, but rarely for having interests and tastes that don't align with mine. I think I'm pretty open-minded.

>> No.13251748

>>13251722
I got education credentials while pursuing those degrees and am now a teacher.

>> No.13251773

>>13251739
>That's nice and all, but I'm not sure how that's relevant.
Perhaps I misunderstood the point of the thread? I was describing how I feel I manage to stay well adjusted. Are you looking for something else?

>> No.13251849

>>13251220
buy a high quality belt driven spin bike and start doing an hour of hard cardio a day. build up to an hour though. if it doesn't come with one, buy a heart rate monitor and document your progress as you get more fit. in addition to becoming lean and fit you'll learn your heart rate and how to control it, which is key to mental health.

>> No.13251908

Use your nervous breakdown to your own benefit. A surprising amount of writers and artists have suffered nervous breakdowns at some point in their lives. Insanity helps you break down rigid barriers, show you where you are inflexible, where you can possibly be broken, helps you stretch beyond your boundaries. Transmute negativity into positivity. Embrace it.

>> No.13252235

>>13251220
>Mostly Harmless
Dude I totally caught that sick literature reference there, bro. "42" am I right?

>> No.13252241

Can that pic be a meme?

>> No.13254134

>>13252241
Milhouse is not a meme.