write what's on your mind

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Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:16:39 2019 No.13234885 [DELETED]

write what's on your mind

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:19:47 2019 No.13234898 Too depressed to write down my thoughts as I would sound too negative.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:20:47 2019 No.13234905 israel delenda est

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:22:10 2019 No.13234911 One: all composite phenomena are impermanent Two: all contaminated things and events are unsatisfactory Three: all phenomena are empty and selfless And four: Nirvana is true peace

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:26:19 2019 No.13234928

A job i got after 5 rounds of interviews after being unemployed for almost a year is canning me for no good reason... i've gotten stellar performance reviews ..they just dont want to renew my contract.

The only reason im still there for the next month is because i know stuff no one else does and have to teach it to them.

The idea of being unemployed and looking for jobs is nauseating

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:28:40 2019 No.13234937

>>13234885
I lost trust in those closest to me, lost hope in my dreams, and now live a blank existence waiting on an corporate institution to fulfill the void. I crave another world, as well as a sense of dignity that I feel I have lost in this one merely by being alive and kind. I have a sense of longing and sadness for those I once loved unconditionally. I'm glad only that this situation isn't worse, that I haven't had to prove myself strong, because I'm not, nor do I want to pretend anymore. But I'll wake up and cough up words all the same and I'll even find some contentment I'm sure.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:36:07 2019 No.13234976 i have an essay due by midnight but i only finished a draft, yet here i am on 4chinzels

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:37:08 2019 No.13234982 >>13234911 >Nirvana is true peace ehhh, don't really like their songs

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:38:42 2019 No.13234991 >>13234937 >I crave another world I heard getting hit by a truck helps with that

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:41:51 2019 No.13235007 I have access to so many books, and yet I just don't know what to read. I want something that will challenge the way I think. Please help, I'm begging you guys

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:44:50 2019 No.13235022 >>13235007 >I want something that will challenge the way I think Here's something that will fuck you up: read the Talmud

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:45:23 2019 No.13235024

>>13234991
If you're gonna spy on me, you're gonna get outed by whatever means, just to show you how fucking psycho and delusional you all are, just for fun, because I'm right about you, just as I was right about her. This is your lesson. Be good. I am THE entrapment you've been waiting for, buddy.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:47:00 2019 No.13235029 >>13235022 At this point I'm honestly tempted

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:50:22 2019 No.13235040 >>13235024 why would i spy on you, schizo?

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 22:54:24 2019 No.13235055 Quit my shitty job, quit drinking a lot, quit smoking. Feeling angry as fuck most of the time but excited that The future is unknown and for once. Took a real gamble, something had to change. Hopefully it works out.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:01:06 2019 No.13235080 Cutting myself feels good because it makes me forget that I have skin. I hate having a body because it tricks me into believing I'm a real person. If I pare away at my body, I can erase this facile identity and become another lie someplace else.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:04:39 2019 No.13235096 >>13235040 Hi Mom.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:04:43 2019 No.13235098 >>13235080 W-woah, that's pretty edgy dude

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:05:46 2019 No.13235106 >>13235096 so when are you gonna get off the computer and clean up your room, good-for-nothing retard?

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:06:06 2019 No.13235110 >>13235096 That's not a girl, is it?

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:07:35 2019 No.13235121 >>13235110 I think it might be a bot. Or an NPC. Does that meme ring some bells?

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:08:37 2019 No.13235129 >>13235121 I think you're thinking of a friend I once had who betrayed me.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:09:29 2019 No.13235133 >>13235121 no, i think it's a legit schizo dude

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:09:38 2019 No.13235135 >>13235129 Go on ... or can you?

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:10:26 2019 No.13235143

I witnessed a car crash and rescued a women from an upside down car today. It was incredible how unfazed I was by the emergency. Some girl was shaking to the point she couldn't even speak to the 911 operator while my only hesitation was initially opening the car door for fear of what I might see. Not sure if I'm a hero or a psychopath.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:10:49 2019 No.13235148 >>13235135 I can, but I don't care to. It's too expensive.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:11:22 2019 No.13235151 >>13235143 >Not sure if I'm a hero or a psychopath does it matter? as long as you think you did the right thing and you didn't get in trouble, all's well

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:12:48 2019 No.13235164 >>13235148 Why wouldn't you pay top dollar for this rhetorical fun? How else do people learn to write except by writing prompts from NPC's?

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:17:57 2019 No.13235184

kinda worried all the apps on my pc are spying on me when i jerk off. im thinking if ill ever be able to not be fat and be just normal. wondering too if i can escape all distractions, or if im just distracted by pleasures, even reading, or if everyone has this but just can deal with it. wondering too if everyone is so afraid of speaking to anyone, even people behind a counter, and if ill ever get above that. mostly the fat thing tho, its hard to eat well.

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:18:04 2019 No.13235185

I wish all these jobs I'm applying to would just send an email saying they're not interested rather than not respond at all, it's demoralizing.
>>13234928
sorry bud
>>13235055
nice one bud
>>13235080
yikes
>>13235143
people react differently to traumatic events. maybe it'll affect you in time, maybe not

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:18:11 2019 No.13235188 File: 41 KB, 600x533, asuka-bath.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Suicide is very appealing. It's scary.

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:19:40 2019 No.13235195

>>13235164
I like to take long drives, to see the world. I like to feel like I did when I was hiking in Nepal, just outside of tibet. There was fire in the distance probably a fews days if not a week away and I had no way to do anything. The person I was with didn't even flinch when I asked if we should do something. She was incapable of even that thought, like most women I've known. I still wonder. But I know I would never be able to stop myself from helping where I knew I could. It's the times when you doubt even that that concern me most.

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:21:38 2019 No.13235206

>>13235184
>kinda worried all the apps on my pc are spying on me when i jerk off
they probably are, but who cares
>im thinking if ill ever be able to not be fat and be just normal
>>>/fit/
>wondering too if i can escape all distractions, or if im just distracted by pleasures, even reading, or if everyone has this but just can deal with it
what are the distractions stopping you from achieving?
>wondering too if everyone is so afraid of speaking to anyone, even people behind a counter, and if ill ever get above that
believe it or not, a lot of people (on 4chan) are the same
>mostly the fat thing tho, its hard to eat well
then just eat less

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:22:40 2019 No.13235210 >>13235188 let us know how it went, champ

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:23:08 2019 No.13235212

>>13235007
Question, yourself, as to why you have access to so many books, yet you fail to pick one up and read it, maybe reading isn’t for you, maybe you’re attracted to validation seeking, ego stroking, a normal person would just read, having a "process" towards reading is a gimmick

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:30:06 2019 No.13235240

>>13235206
ive been to fit and have had friends take me to the gym, but i end up giving up. it feels like theres just something there that takes me back to my bed to my distractions, which are: any visual entertainment, books, alcohol, junk food, porn, sleep, introspection for hours. And eating less is just dealing with it. and eating less normally starves me and makes me eat more, and eating healthy food makes me crave to the point of having to eat chocolate or whatever. and its nice to know most of 4chan cant speak to people, even behind a counter, because my dad asks me why am i like this. and if they are jerking off maybe they are so grossed out they just delete it saying " not even sickos want to watch that"

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:31:14 2019 No.13235246 >>13235240 watch me jerk off*

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:31:45 2019 No.13235250
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It is not the age of the Kali Yuga Everything you value will be taken from you. All that is left to do is to fight and die. The parasites and evildoers will not escape temporal judgement. All will be revealed for what it truly is

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:32:49 2019 No.13235257 >>13235250 * It is the (age) Fucking typos.

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:34:04 2019 No.13235263

Terminator 4 is on the television and I am just reminded of an incident in my childhood when an acquaintance went to see this and my friend gave him a swirly in the theater's toilets. I wish I still knew the kid as he was a giant spazz who deserved it with an irritating, childlike voice too.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:34:53 2019 No.13235268 >>13235210 >let us know how it went I haven't done anything yet

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:38:36 2019 No.13235288

>>13235240
>any visual entertainment, books, alcohol, junk food, porn, sleep, introspection for hours
these aren't inherently bad(except the alcohol and junk food), unless they are interefering with your life or things you should be doing. if you can afford it, maybe see a psychologist?
Who buys the food in your house? If you do, just don't buy shitty food. That worked for me because I am too lazy to go to the store and buy shit when I have cravings.
Look into mberry. It's this pill made from fruit that fucks with your taste buds, and it makes even a lemon taste heavenly.
>and if they watch me jerk off maybe they are so grossed out
who cares, that's their problem

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:40:51 2019 No.13235305 >>13235268 and you won't do anything either :^) go to bed kid, there's school tomorrow

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:42:28 2019 No.13235317 >>13235305 >and you won't do anything either :^) I'll show you.

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:50:06 2019 No.13235360 >>13235317 im waiting

>>	Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:51:12 2019 No.13235366 >>13235360 I can't show you anything if I'm dead you doofus.

Anonymous Mon Jun 3 23:52:02 2019 No.13235372

>>13235288
aye, the youtube is about 10 hours a day. or just being online. and i can afford a psychologist, but i dont see what theyre gonna do. ive tried so much and it seems useless. now that tablet looks okay, but unless it makes pringles or mnms taste worse, then i doubt itd work. and when i get cravings, i am go out and get it, because i buy the food, when im back home i eat a lot better, but mostly its me buying the food. alcohol isnt too often, but if im very down it eases me. and the books arent like maths 101, they are just pure fiction, which doesnt help my life in anyway. i gave up the internet recently at home and have lost some weight, but idk it seems so slow. its the anxiety too, i ate well for a few days and then was fairly healthy but had the worst anxiety attack, because the escapism of the internet, i think, helped me so much. ill try to just keep the internet out because it really seems to mess me up the most. thanks anon for speaking to me at all, i got a few good friends who give me this advice and i let them down a lot by sometimes not speaking to them for a year or more but they are still there when i come back, and treat me like a brother, so aye, it means a lot a stranger just being cool, lol.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 00:00:57 2019 No.13235403

>>13235372
>i can afford a psychologist, but i dont see what theyre gonna do. ive tried so much and it seems useless
hey, if you can, give it a try. it can't hurt. don't expect immediate results, but if you consistently go, it will definitely help you in the long run.
>youtube is about 10 hours a day
definitely need to get that under control, unless you're a youtuber.
>they are just pure fiction, which doesnt help my life in anyway
hey, even if it's fiction, it's better than staring at a screen i promise you that.
>but unless it makes pringles or mnms taste worse, then i doubt itd work
i think it does. its not a permanent solution, its just when you get cravings go pop one and suck on a lemon. sounds dumb but i fucking love it.
>i got a few good friends who give me this advice and i let them down a lot by sometimes not speaking to them for a year or more but they are still there when i come back, and treat me like a brother
those sound like great friends anon, try to be there for them as well.
i know it's hard to believe, but a lot of people are worse off than you. they don't have people that care about them. you definitely do NOT want to end up there.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 00:06:16 2019 No.13235424 >>13235366 ok, see you tomorrow lad

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 00:10:04 2019 No.13235440

>>13235403
ill try those tablets because they sound pretty good. what do they do for broccoli, because i like that and dont want that ruined. and they are good friends. ill try those tablets, because if it helps just even for a few days itll be good. and its funny but i googled psychologists a few days ago but just felt idk, i looked at them and wondered how they would know how to help me at all. have you seen a psychologist? im in the uk so its a little different here, not many people really go to them.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 00:17:53 2019 No.13235470

>>13235440
>what do they do for broccoli
no idea, but try it out. again, its a really short duration so you can just wait it out and eat broccoli after.
>have you seen a psychologist?
i have when i was younger, but being my rebellious self, i stopped going. my father has been seeing one for the past 11 years, and he insists that it's helping him(he has a different problem than you tho).
>how they would know how to help me at all
it's their job. they studied in order to be able to help people. if you dont feel like its helping you, first let them know, but you dont have to go.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 00:29:34 2019 No.13235496 The more I read the more obvious it becomes that mindless entertainment, propaganda, and capitalism have taken hold over the world

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 00:34:18 2019 No.13235507

>>13235470
alright, well im gonna try those tablets because if junk food tastes worse then thats good. and with the psychologist im pretty bad at listening. you dont have to go into it but with your dad is it something chronic? because this sort of thing has been going on for about 6 years so far, in its full form, and before was there just not as pronounced, so I worry that psychologists cant really deal with anything core, but if they helped your dad with something that was core or very much a part of him then id think about doing it more because these things feel so core to me that there seems no escape, or there is none.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 00:40:45 2019 No.13235524

The only girl I ever loved is bisexual and is determined to sleep with as many people as possible. Hell, even I had plenty of chances with her but I know that if I did have sex with her I would feel empty afterwards. Maybe I’m just scared i don’t know. I think Afterwards I would feel used and just be another check on her list. Why did it have to be this way? Why do I have to see her used up like this?

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 00:42:57 2019 No.13235530

>>13235507
>im gonna try those tablets
good luck with that, hopefully they work out for you.
>im pretty bad at listening
that's not how it works. the psychologist is there to listen to YOU. you tell the psychologist how you feel, what you're trying to achieve, what you're concerned about, etc. and the psychologist helps you find a solution. you're doing most of the talking.
>you dont have to go into it but with your dad is it something chronic?
my dad wasn't very well treated as a kid and so he had problems with his temper. he's not cured or anything, but it's much better and he feels better now. also, his psychologist is the one that got him to become a fitness nut. he lost a long of fat and gained a lot of muscle the past few years, and he watches his diet.
so yeah, i guess you could say it's something core.
believe it or not, most of your mental problems(anxiety and stress) will probably get better or go away completely just by getting a better diet.
good luck anon

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 00:44:59 2019 No.13235539 >>13235530 thanks anon

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 01:01:46 2019 No.13235585

the reality of his physical self has he rejected that self altogether the community he seeks is not his and it basically ruined any chance i had stayed home playing rpgs on my chance to be as compassionate as possible to those around me however i can only endure this for so long and the reality of his physical self has he rejected that self altogether the community he seeks is not of a deep poetic respect of power gangbang they knew i would come on heres or login to goodreads id see them writing with their pretentious semicolons and think they were like these two tweakers in line at the ceiling for hours now its getting late i have no sense of selfpreservation of no inclination to do anything about it but id never read like an issue of the southern review or the boston review cover to cover and i didnt really dig it then i am going to be harder seems like more uncomfortable than just laying there and taking it in the middle of other clowns with nothing else to do but jerk each other off about how great it is now ive been staring at the end when she finally stopped being a coward and outright rejected me was that she will be that she will be that she used this emoji of this hideous hairy demon with the implication of course being that was what i mean some of naked lunch off the library shelf and started reading yo that shit is sublime af were alive at one point walkin talkin seein and then poof dead no one is led to initiate a relationship with a human dual plug for the past years and i didnt really dig it then i said to estabilish dominance because i died defending the flag in halo omg chop ur ballz off was what it felt like i was not penetratedalright it is now ive been staring at the post office oh my god the meter the meter fuuuuck i was cruising around the whole place reminds me of a fatty who was once a high school like really bullied me locked me in the holies of holy fuck mr fbi man how does that make anysense everything that we hold on the garden honestly people are so uptight i was stuck in line at the crowds comprised of every nationality imaginable a lot of parties when i was like until it wasnt that fun i got in a very good place to go on the otherwise free lad by regulating the state of ones body one is prepared really no one is prepared to cease everything and what we are gutted and given the latest sterilized gluttonfree approved netflix original series staring that black girl youd like to fuck like would that mean i could just go around having gay sex if they went through a thought process like this year there were times were it just seemed

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 01:02:12 2019 No.13235587
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>>13234885
A lot of crazy things happened this past year I never thought possible nor could I imagine. I saw and experienced Evil and not only did I survive, I became stronger then I ever have before.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 01:52:23 2019 No.13235717
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i remember seeing a video of some twitch thot talking about how "reading is good" but she can barely form a complete sentence because she is so dumb and vapid.
i now have suspicions that it might have been bridgett devoue.
does anyone have the twitch clip?

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:11:06 2019 No.13235960

>>13234885
I haven't felt sexually aroused in weeks.
I can't even get it hard.
I still check out girls and everything but it doesn't have the same effect it used to.
I have been making an effort not to watch porn and I don't even feel compelled to masturbate.

As it usually happens when I get off porn, my imagination just runs wild with the most disturbing thoughts and I start questioning my sexuality.
This morning I was feeling like a old rag and visions of transexuals haunted my dreams.
The moment I woke up I threw up on the floor

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:19:39 2019 No.13235986 There are so many fake schizophrenics I'm worried nobody believes I'm actually schizo

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:31:51 2019 No.13236031

I am progressing in terms of building muscle mass, so I am not concerned about my fitness goals. I have graduated college with a degree that I am not interested in. I had plans to go to medical school but it didn't work out so I have a bachelors in the life sciences. I was considering doing my MSc in computer science but I just don't think I'm bright enough considering I'm working through a python course by myself and am not retaining any information.

Honestly, I want to travel and see the world but I also want a stable career. I want to meet a lot of people and make friends, and I also want the vanity that comes with it (a following on social media, etc). I really despise my mentality because I am never content because of my expectations and egotism.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:40:09 2019 No.13236058 WE;LL MEET AGAIN DON;T KNOW WHERE DON;T KNOW WHEN

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:44:25 2019 No.13236072

>>13234885
How does one fight that terrible feeling of purposefulness.
I guess that one doesn't feel it when he's in company or working.
I have neither of the two, I feel lost and unmotivated.
It 's a crucial moment for my life and I'm terribly frightened of the future

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:46:22 2019 No.13236081 >>13234928 What company and what did you do?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:54:53 2019 No.13236112 >>13234885 i don't want to write books anymore. i want to live with chimpanzees.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:56:33 2019 No.13236120 >>13236112 we can all wear clothes and mock the humans for their foolish ways.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:56:53 2019 No.13236121 File: 130 KB, 754x1000, 1558940902105.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I cannot get her out of my head My jacket still smells like her I did not lose her,i never had her

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:56:56 2019 No.13236122 >>13234885 How did l live like this for so long ? Jesus did I just wake up from a coma or what ?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 03:57:57 2019 No.13236125 >>13234885 I wish I fell in love. Am I even capable ? When people get too

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 04:00:49 2019 No.13236131 >>13236125 Close I get sick of them. "I want the one I can't have " like the song says. That has always been the case, I was ever either ignored or made fun of or despised. I used to be spiteful now I'm dying of loneliness slowly

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 04:05:26 2019 No.13236143 that depression is not real, most people have underlying physical issues and are so disconnected from their bodies that they do not recognize this. Maybe 5% of depressions are solely caused by the mental realm

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 04:05:46 2019 No.13236144

>>13234885
I miss the old janitor I would talk to during recess in high school, she was the closest thing to a friend I ever had.
In a sense she was the only one who understood how lonely I was.
I liked chatting with her and the other students that hanged around her.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 04:15:10 2019 No.13236164 File: 912 KB, 240x176, 1521117471046.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I should have kissed her

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 08:37:28 2019 No.13236810 >>13234885 Summer is hell. Too much free time for people like me and just the sight of my peers having fun is enough to make me suicidal.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 08:42:27 2019 No.13236824 That cat forgot he was not merely a spectator. He was. :3 That cat was, and will be.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 08:50:27 2019 No.13236842 I don't understand anything, especially myself.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 08:58:40 2019 No.13236867 File: 26 KB, 640x272, PoliteUnrealisticBassethound-mobile.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Quitting my antidepressants cold turkey this week. Hopefully I'll feel some form of vitality again. Not going to ever use those fucking pills anymore

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 09:05:18 2019 No.13236886 >>13236810 Have fun not wageslaving, son.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 09:06:22 2019 No.13236890 >>13236886 >implying work can’t be fun Shut it, bud. :3 if you don’t take enjoyment from a job well done then you aren’t doing a job well done

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 09:17:07 2019 No.13236919
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remind me again, what's the point.. of like.. anything?

>The world is going to shit, humanity is going to shit if we're not there already.
>Some new experiences are - in a way - overrated or taken from me due to globalism, internet, and the little amount of things undiscoverable(I don't really have a strong affinity for space or sea exploration)
>Nature is being taken and destroyed
>Human relationships are arguably the best thing in life, but like I said, most of humanity is shit, and due to overpopulation, and other factors, 99.9% of people are boring, group copies of one another.
>Sex is immediate gratification, but even that, after a while, gets repetitive unless you enjoy new partners frequently(That too can become boring due to things like Game and people being similar) And physically we are going down the path of body modification, so anyone can do a fat transfer, makeup, etc. and become unnatural clones of one another.
>Traveling, - maybe - but that too can get repetitive due to globalization and overpopulation. Everyone has the same values, and I can 'learn' about cultures online. And if we don't share values, we're probably at war with one another or not that different really.
>Human society is generally corrupt, at least the West, so I don't have much interest in furthering civilization or helping government/corporations
>Art Mediums/media(using it as a general term) eventually run out of new ideas, and are affected by society and corruption.
>Family is corrupted by society. Doesn't mean the same as it used to. Women(and men) have for the most part gone down the drain, so finding a good partner is rare, and I don't even know if I'd want children in this world.

Usually, these thoughts happen every few months, but now they're much more often. I don't know how the hell to be happy in this world or fine with it.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 09:27:08 2019 No.13236953

>>13236886
Supposedly I have to study which I'm extremely not enthusiastic about.
Imagine having no hobbies, friends, job and living alone in a small room where you can only study and cry because you've failed to build anything significabt in the last 5 years.
This is me right now.
Lets see how long I can hold up like this

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:24:54 2019 No.13237220

Is it ever normal for your mom to constantly hang up on you?

Even if it turns out I'm totally wrong about everything, that I'm actually the problem and I'm a bad son and a bad person, I'm not yelling at her or insulting her or anything, I'm trying really hard to be level-headed and even self-deprecating, yet somehow every minor dispute ends in her hanging up on me

I'm pretty sure she has borderline and I've been gaslit for 20 years straight but I can't even tell anymore. It's like I don't even know what the boundaries for acceptable behavior are because I have no frame of reference. Even if I was somehow being an asshole, by repeatedly self-deprecating and self-qualify and acknowledging I might be wrong and so on, even if that was all actually a case of me being a manipulative prick like she says, as long as I wasn't being belligerent, is it weird for her to hang up on her own son? In like 2/5 of all phone calls? What about when it's while I'm going through a major crisis or tragedy?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:30:10 2019 No.13237257 >>13234928 Sorry to hear that, chap. Why are they firing you?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:31:53 2019 No.13237264 Rate possible children names: Sia Eve Sindhu Aylin Julie Thomas Geno Shinji Mai Caino Johnny Hayao Faust Doug

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:33:04 2019 No.13237271 >>13235212 So he's supposed to just give up on reading? If you read as a hobby you are less worthy than he is, for he at least is trying to challenge his way of seeing things in some way. Everyone should read.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:33:07 2019 No.13237272 >>13236867 What do you take anon? My mom has taken Remron(sp?) for 20 years and I'm convinced its zombifying her.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:34:40 2019 No.13237282 >>13235960 Maybe you’re pregnant?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:35:43 2019 No.13237287 >>13237257 I stole some shit and was late a few times.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:35:58 2019 No.13237290 I'm reading How to read and why by bloom and idk what hes talking about most the time and its going over my head. I do like the way he writes though

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:36:04 2019 No.13237291

>>13237264
>Sia
Californian wiener kid
>Eve
Californian wiener kid
>Sindhu
Annoying if white, generic if immigrant
>Aylin
Californian wiener kid
>Julie
Normal, plain
>Thomas
Nice, plain
>Geno
My dad loves anime
>Shinji
My dad REALLY loves anime
>Mai
My dad wore a hentai shirt to my recorder recital
>Caino
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJ47QuwlfIA
>Johnny
Manchild
>Hayao
Anime
>Faust
A name to conjure daily schoolyard beatings with
>Doug
Fine if masculine, destined to be an anime-watching femboy if not

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:37:18 2019 No.13237295 >>13235524 Been there, chap. She was perfect in every way, and I thought that I could be the one to show her that a life of pointless hedonist isn't worth. Oh how wrong I was. Best of luck, fren.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:39:15 2019 No.13237303 >>13237287 >I stole some shit Really, nigger? Was it worth at least? I was thinking that you were going to be fired for some diversity agenda or some shit.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:41:50 2019 No.13237319 >>13237264 Faust is a great name desu. But please do not give him a weeb name like Shinji or he'll have a miserable life.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:48:56 2019 No.13237358 >>13237291 >>13237319 Note that first of all I like the sound of these. Besides, I'm not sure most people will even care or know about the source material (especially in 10 years or what have you). I'm Italian btw

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 10:51:23 2019 No.13237367 >>13237220 No, it's obviously not normal. In future don't bother trying to sound reasonable and self-depreciating to her, defending yourself to borderline people is useless.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 11:13:02 2019 No.13237450 The struggle continues

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 11:24:31 2019 No.13237499 >>13237282 >Get it hard

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 11:33:16 2019 No.13237540 Normies can be very cruel as well. Just reading their conversations makes me sick. I had enough of them and I had enough of my life.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 11:51:47 2019 No.13237629
File: 106 KB, 919x919, 1556137459105.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I am starting to think that the only thing I really love is causing mischief on the internet. It's just way to much fun to anger people on here and forums. I am almost happy that I am in no position of high power because this would be really bad, instead I just make people have mental breakdowns here and there.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 11:54:27 2019 No.13237642 I'm so fucking confused. I can't make sense of anything. I used to understand things.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 12:02:22 2019 No.13237682 >>13234885 It's all pointless I'm so young yet I am done with life. I want to go back FUUUUCKKKK

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 12:18:21 2019 No.13237742 >>13234885 Can a person die of Sadness ? Because I don't expect to live for long all considered

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 12:19:14 2019 No.13237746 >>13234885 My novel is shit but I’m 80 pages in, can’t quit now.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 12:26:10 2019 No.13237789 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NONONONONONONO

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 15:16:19 2019 No.13238518 >>13237742 Yes, you can. However it's extremely rare.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 15:52:50 2019 No.13238698

>>13237358
Then give him an Italian name.
By giving him a name in your list people will think that he is like his parents an acultured plebeian
Call him Marco, Aurelio, Augusto, Julia, Faustina or something like that but not Shinji or Doug.
Just imagine that your child escape the cultural deficit household he will grew up in, just imagine the humiliation he will feel when he will introduce himself to his potential thesis supervisor as Johnny or Hayano

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 16:45:37 2019 No.13239057 >>13237272 Lexapro. It's relatively mild as antidepressants go. Make you feel like you're watching your life in the third person. Hard time making long term memories too. And it kills your dick, takes me 40 minutes to cum

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 16:48:48 2019 No.13239093

I just don't get along with other people. I can "fake it" perfectly well, but I don't want to. I don't like others, they're fucking retarded normies and are insufferable. And I have to wageslave day in and day out just to keep myself alive to be surrounded by these insufferable normies in this shithole society. I think 95% of people are NPC tier normalfaggots because, in every generation, most of the non-normies killed themselves out of frustration and misery, so by evolutionary forces only normies were leftover to breed and make mini-normies. These creatures are so brainless that you can talk to 5 different people and they'll say the exact same things like literal NPCs in a video game. I don't even view them as humans, they're like dressed-up monkeys or cardboard cutouts of human beings. I just don't want to be here with these fucking retards.

I've never even met more than like 3 people who had "souls" or whatever quality it is that makes someone not-NPC. I feel like I'm going insane. These things are so retarded they rhetorically walk into walls all day long and don't see the problem with it. I just don't like them. I don't WANT friends because I fucking hate people. Talking to them is like watching the 23rd rerun of a tv episode that wasn't even good the first time. Why would I enjoy this? they're so insufferable.

I do something a little out of the ordinary and they piss their pants and freak out about it for no reason. I think this is why people become serial killers. Luckily I'm a nonviolent sort and just want to be a social hermit. How am I supposed to get a life partner when they're going to be a meatbag equivalent of a dakimakura?

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 19:00:54 2019 No.13239719

>>13234885
I feel pretty good. Exercise is ramping up more and more in my life. Joining a church 2 years ago and getting involved got me over a lot of family stuff. Rest of my family tried therapy and prescription pills. They're breaking even at best. Now I'm at home for a little while trying to help them out the best I can. From DIY projects to good long conversations. I spend my days serving others one way or another and it feels good. Two more months and I'm off to the Navy for 6 years. It's like I'm alive after being dormant for so long. Christianity rules. Letting go of my agnostic pessimism was step one. Everything just kinda fell into place like that.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:06:51 2019 No.13239984
File: 181 KB, 480x498, Screenshot_2019-06-04-19-04-20-1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Anxiety and anger was on my mind most of the day. Kinda sucks to realize I have no control over my mind or emotions. After a shitty day at work, experiencing the aforementioned bs, I am drained now, depressed.
Tried reading a couple of things, but having difficulty focusing.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:09:58 2019 No.13239997 >>13235212 It's just straight-up choice paralysis my guy

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:15:32 2019 No.13240019 File: 95 KB, 900x1200, D7hl2FXXkAAkGCi.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Hegel

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:17:05 2019 No.13240026 >reading all these posts Jesus Christ, we're all crazy, aren't we

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:20:18 2019 No.13240035

I took a break from writing because I haven't been producing anything good. I feel this nagging, anxious sense that I need to go back to it but I'm not very confident I can produce anything I'll be happy with.

I need this to be good /lit/. Not want, NEED. I know that a first draft is always supposed to be shitty but I'm so heavily invested in this story's success that I can't be happy with even the draft being bad, especially when I don't feel myself improving

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:25:17 2019 No.13240050 >>13240019 Kikes can't get anything from Hegel

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:33:13 2019 No.13240082 >>13236919 World is broken. Focus on fixing it - volunteer, do work that helps people. If you just sit there and think how bad it is you'll just get more depressed. Action, senpai.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:36:46 2019 No.13240103 >>13240019 I can already imagine the completely bare wooden floor apartment in which you can still hear echoing when you speak and the wood is way too clean

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:47:49 2019 No.13240138

>>13234885
>I don't know why I'm still here.

That thought keeps cropping up in my head a lot lately... I'm depressed but I've gotten kind of numb to it, so when it comes back I'm just like "Huh..." and then I tend to generalize and think "Why are all these people still here? What makes them keep going?" and I just feel confused. I try to suppress feeling sad, so I just feel confused and detatched.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:52:22 2019 No.13240148

I haven't read or written anything ever since the turn of the year, too tired and depressed for it. I want to change my major from marketing to biology but I lack the courage. I get this feeling that the future is already dead for me, stillborn, always was, I try to reach out for it, but it was already gone.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 20:52:25 2019 No.13240149

>>13239093
You might want to try moving cities... could be just all the people in your area suck. Or go to college if you haven't, you'll find more people with actual personalities and interests there. Or maybe see if there's anything more interesting going on in your town in terms of clubs or Meet-up groups or whatever you're into. I go to a scifi book club and all of the members are pretty intellectual, so I don't feel like I'm wading in the kiddie pool.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 21:05:54 2019 No.13240207 File: 80 KB, 846x846, 1551274264498.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >tfw illiterate >partner does 4 lines in below 10 minutes >barely do 3,5 in 15 in shitty quality.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 21:29:10 2019 No.13240275 Self diagnosing yourself with schizophrenia or autism or anything of that nature is the teenage equivalent of a child pretending to be deeply physically hurt from tripping over his shoelace for attention.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 21:30:02 2019 No.13240280

>>13239093
I know your feeling exactly anon, to the point that I had to really think for a second whether I posted this and then somehow forgot about it.

We're living in a particularly shit age for this. It's not universal. The problem is that the people capable of hitting a critical mass of self-awareness and reflexivity used to be separated (mostly) from the absolute dipshit braindead peasant people, but now they've been forcibly mingled with the mass, so that they not only get overwhelmed and killed by various stresses (like you say), but more often simply never reach a point of awakening, never actually realize their potential and qualitatively individuate themselves.

You should read Ortega y Gasset's Revolt of the Masses:
>As one advances in life, one realises more and more that the majority of men — and of women — are incapable of any other effort than that strictly imposed on them as a reaction to external compulsion. And for that reason, the few individuals we have come across who are capable of a spontaneous and joyous effort stand out isolated, monumentalised, so to speak, in our experience. These are the select men, the nobles, the only ones who are active and not merely reactive, for whom life is a perpetual striving, an incessant course of training. Training = askesis. These are the ascetics.

Howard Nelson Tuttle's book, The Crowd is Untruth, is good too. The important point to get is that this isn't some vague paleocon critique of unengaged citizens or laziness (though these are problems too), but a phenomenological critique of a real way of being in the world. The NPC phenomenon is das Man, it's a real thing. Those people are "sunk in life" (Hegel).

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 21:33:53 2019 No.13240292

Today I literally got angry about how amazing my office crush's chest looked in her outfit. I am impotent in almost all ways. I feel like I can't break this cycle of pining for someone until they are taken or leave my life. She used to come around my desk every day and ask me stupid questions. She doesn't anymore.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 21:45:48 2019 No.13240326

The kind of writing people expect to read these days makes me sick. The internet has made everyone lazy. They want unchallenging plainspoken conversational twaddle. Anything with too much flash is seen as outmoded or pretentious. Whenever I write for an audience rather than for myself it feels like I am trying to articulate myself to children. The mental maturity if the average reader has reverted to a neotenous state. I sound old.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 21:48:05 2019 No.13240332 >>13235188 >tfw no asuka gf to do a double suicide

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 21:50:30 2019 No.13240342 >>13240326 I think this might be in part to the fact that more and more average people might be inhabiting your spaces. I see that to some degree in my own life. I do agree places like the academic world are gradually losing their foundation.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 21:52:18 2019 No.13240347 Sometimes I don't know if I'm a barbarian pretending to have culture and class or a gemtleman pretending to be a barbarian. Does that make sense?

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 21:52:59 2019 No.13240349

It was once the case that humanity walked upon the edge of a knife, a breath away from peril. By some miracle, we traversed the blade entire and found its point; we now dive on it gleefully, heedlessly we throw ourselves on the blade to great fanfare

I want to write something that might inspire some endurance to the people who will inherit this blasted wreck of a corpse of a planet. That it may cloak their wretched souls in mithril and fill them with some match's worth of light that they will not be utterly crushed in despair, that they may recall in their desperation some higher sentiment to make life worth living, and the landscape worth traversing.

Too eagerly does modern man cling to his hearth, though it now an LED hearth that shifts to red after sunset automatically as to not disturb his sleeping patterns. He is heedless that modern existence is frail, and is a spinning top that is losing it's momentum and will topple, and that no rider will escape being tossed, not even those fortunates who plan to evade the guillotine, animal and man, that will rave for them after the fall, even to the point of mining them out of their hidey-holes and treating them as one treats ore.

Nothing lasts now, everything is made specifically to expire and crumble to silicate crumbs in our hand whereupon we shrug and blissfully trade precious days of our lives for more of the same, whereupon we are rewarded with a dopagenic spike that may last as many as several hours, before returning to a baseline of bored and hunting avarice. We are kept in a state of constant want, little piles of kibble are dropped at regular intervals just out of arms reach a short trot away, and thus we turn and turn in tight little spirals, always at least several millimeters from the walls of the enclosure which are themselves transparent anyways. Tight spirals, they are the doom of us all, we are all deprived of so much.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 21:55:13 2019 No.13240358
File: 191 KB, 600x564, 1559522225385.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

When I am with a girl no matter what I do I can't cum, when its time to put my dick inside her it goes all flaccid even if while kissing or sucking her tits I am all rock hard.
I enjoy the feeling of another warm body, the kissing. But I can never cum, no matter what I do.
And I just feel like shit, I feel like maybe I was meant to be asexual or some shit.
Some girl even suggested that I am a raging homo (I am not against the idea of fucking a cute boy crossdressing but I am not into hairy and muscular men)
So just fuck me up

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:10:57 2019 No.13240420 Humans would be better off without names.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:28:14 2019 No.13240499 It's a damn shame I'll never get to experience the leeches and parasites (Jews, gays, bankers) torn limb from limb and thrown into eternal hellfire while Verdi's "Requiem" plays.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:34:58 2019 No.13240526
File: 232 KB, 1920x1080, psychopass.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>13240347
Yes. I question this as well, though I word it differently. If I honestly were forced to guess, the vast majority of people fall into the latter scenario. I think very few people ever touch into their true nature, and the perception of being a barbarian deep down is also part of the charade of pretending to be a barbarian. I think most people, if stripped bare, would more likely be dispassionate and lethargic than barbaric. People can be depraved, sure, but we see this because a lack of societal structure leads to fear and pain. I don't think that this is inherent, moreso that it is a repsonse to another environment. If we were to strip people down, sort of to their figurative core, without their insecurities, doubts, fears, and everything holding them back from seeing themselves, I believe most people would probably never have chosen to be born. I don't say this because I believe the world is evil. I say this because the world to most is a dull gray, whether they realize it or not. Being born in this reality is like being given a mint chocolate flavor ice cream (a mediocre flavor) and never being told that so many more wonderful flavors, and more wondeful human experiences could exist. People are utterly petty and lacking in purpose. Being born is never a decision. The world is less real than it could be. In the way I interpret your post, I think there's a link here in the question of "does art imitate life, or does life imitate art." I think the reality for this is that both are true in different ways, but the latter is the more profound and useful to understand. When you said a gentlemen pretending to be a barbarian, I thought of this.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:43:03 2019 No.13240552 File: 186 KB, 952x717, 1557482603213.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Sex lol

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:46:18 2019 No.13240565 >>13240552 how do i revert this lol asking for a friend

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:46:40 2019 No.13240566 Sex and suicide

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:47:38 2019 No.13240568 >>13234928 >Being a cuck and staying on to teach your replacements

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:48:38 2019 No.13240570 >>13235055 Man I want to do the same thing but I'm scared.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:49:10 2019 No.13240574 I don't know which Flashman novel to start with

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:53:55 2019 No.13240584 >>13240358 then try the dick anon, what harm could it do?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 22:56:47 2019 No.13240589 >>13240584 I can't find anyone willing to do it

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 23:01:54 2019 No.13240604 >>13240589 Please don't do this. You have no idea how much a simple act like this will grow on your conscience. You will be permanently stained from it and nothing you do will return you to your original position.

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 23:02:57 2019 No.13240607 >>13240604 Why? I have done things in my life, how will this can be worse?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 23:09:05 2019 No.13240620 >>13240604 >having a conscience There's literally no point. I'm not saying be a dick to people, try to be nice, but there is no point in feeling bad when you hurt them.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 23:09:29 2019 No.13240623

>>13240589
You know gays are the identity group that is most overrepresented when it comes to child abuse and molesting children dont you? Kill yourself before you hurt someone's kid. The fact you'll do that because you can't nut speaks volumes about your character and mindset

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 23:11:44 2019 No.13240632 >>13240623 >muh children Kys

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 23:12:32 2019 No.13240635

>>13240607
"The Priest was silent. Then he asked:

—How old are you, my child?—

—Sixteen, father.—

The priest passed his hand several times over his face. Then, resting his forehead against his hand, he leaned towards the grating and, with eyes still averted, spoke slowly. His voice was weary and old.

—You are very young, my child—he said,—and let me implore of you to give up that sin. It is a terrible sin. It kills the body and it kills the soul. It is the cause of many crimes and misfortunes. Give it up, my child, for God's sake. It is dishonourable and unmanly. You cannot know where that wretched habit will lead you or where it will come against you. As long as you commit that sin, my poor child, you will never be worth one farthing to God. Pray to our mother Mary to help you. She will help you, my child. Pray to Our Blessed Lady when that sin comes into your mind. I am sure you will do that, will you not? You repent of all those sins. I am sure you do. And you will promise God now that by His holy grace you will never offend Him any more by that wicked sin. You will make that solemn promise to God, will you not?—

—Yes, father.—

The old and weary voice fell like sweet rain upon his quaking parching heart. How sweet and sad!

—Do so my poor child. The devil has led you astray. Drive him back to hell when he tempts you to dishonour your body in that way—the foul spirit who hates our Lord. Promise God now that you will give up that sin, that wretched wretched sin.—

Blinded by his tears and by the light of God's mercifulness he bent his head and heard the grave words of absolution spoken and saw the priest's hand raised above him in token of forgiveness.

—God bless you, my child. Pray for me.—

He knelt to say his penance, praying in a corner of the dark nave: and his prayers ascended to heaven from his purified heart like perfume streaming upwards from a heart of white rose.

The muddy streets were gay. He strode homeward, conscious of an invisible grace pervading and making light his limbs. In spite of all he had done it. He had confessed and God had pardoned him. His soul was made fair and holy once more, holy and happy.

It would be beautiful to die if God so willed. It was beautiful to live in grace a life of peace and virtue and forbearance with others."

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 23:14:17 2019 No.13240641 File: 191 KB, 700x525, 1559693899907.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Am I a fucking idiot for thinking about getting a BA in Philosophy?

>>	Anonymous Tue Jun 4 23:40:21 2019 No.13240739 >>13240035 Try writing one situation, and then make it as good as possible and keep rewriting and rewriting till you're happy with it. Ignore the entire rest of the work and just do that one small part. Baby steps.

Anonymous Tue Jun 4 23:40:33 2019 No.13240742

I still have feelings for the girl who dumped me when we weren't even dating, a year and a half ago. We're friends and I'm not in love with her, but once in a while i think what it would be to grab her thicc thighs and ass and boobs and kiss her tender mouth and smash her with my dick. And then watch a movie.
I want to fuck her.
I want to fuck a black girl.
I want to fuck a twink.
I want to kiss the love of my life, sweetly and tenderly. I do not know her, but I know I'll meet her one day.
But I must become a better person first. So I don't want any relationships until I am satisfied with myself. I must forget about the first girl, and focus on becoming the best version of myself.

After all, any obstacle is part of the Simulation.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:09:03 2019 No.13240843

I want to be good at writing. I really really want to be good at it. I've watched hundreds of videos over writing, I've read essays over good prose. I've learned what I thought was a fair amount. I wrote some and revised it, then revised it again. I took what I learned and took the bad stuff away from my writing, and redid it all again. I know it's not great, not even good. But I at least think it's passable. Then when I show it to someone, it's utter shit. It's the worst thing they've ever read. So many things missing, yet entirely too much filler. Everything is way to short, yet they had to force themselves to get through all of it. Horrible horrible shit that they can't believe was even meant to be taken seriously. I feel disappointing. Everything in life has always been that way, bad no matter how I try. I thought writing could maybe be a little different. Guess not.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:10:00 2019 No.13240846 >>13240641 No. Just learn Excel and a few programming languages in your free time

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:11:58 2019 No.13240855 >>13234885 I feel extremely sick every day when I wake up. I feel like throwing up(which I did the last two days) and have a bad case of diarrhea. Could it be caused by anxiety and stress or it's the other way around ? I have

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:12:33 2019 No.13240859 >>13240846 So go for the BA and do that?

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:13:51 2019 No.13240865

>>13240843
oh, anon, don't give up yet. Write until you bleed. Eventually you'll be better than when you started.
Shake things up. Write poetry. Write random thoughts, random essays, short stories, pieces of atmosphere, anything. Change genres. Change narrators.

But don't give up.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:17:56 2019 No.13240880 I'm preparing to study english/french literature and history at university, is it worth it?

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:18:14 2019 No.13240883

>>13240865
What I've been doing is writing really short short stories and trying to work on my writing. I showed one of them on here and I got five or so replies and all of them told me it was shit. I tried changing and changing and doing different things. But it's all just so difficult. I haven't had a single thing that has been anything but shit. I just want one thing that can be said to be "normal" I've given up on great and good at this point. I just wish I could be average. But even that I can't seem to reach.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:19:01 2019 No.13240889 >>13240859 Sure. Just learn marketable skills in your free time. People will hire Phil majors, you just need to know other stuff as well

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:22:59 2019 No.13240899 >>13240883 I understand you, you know? I feel that way with my short films. But man, every flower started being fertilized by a pile of shit. You shouldn't give up. How long have you been writing? Also, may I see one of your stories?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:28:20 2019 No.13240912 >>13240899 I've only actually been trying to seriously get better for a couple months. And you can't see any of my work. I kind of deleted it all. And I'm writing different stuff now

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:28:22 2019 No.13240913 >>13240889 Its either Phil or Psych (where I took the most credits five or so years ago, I was interested in being a therapist) is where I end up finishing my degree

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:30:19 2019 No.13240920 >>13240912 See? You're starting. Some people take YEARS to get better, even marginally better. So don't despair. Practice practice practice.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:51:48 2019 No.13240975

>>13234885
Once again I am haunted by the fact that I used to fap to tranny porn.
My ÜberIch is crashing me to a pulp, the mere sight of transexuals makes me sick phisically .
I feel the angst and mental strain I can imagine only a Vietnam veteran could feel.
This is ludicrous and I am incapacitated to do anything .
I need help, this is not life.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 00:55:21 2019 No.13240988

I got some serious shit to sort out this month lads. The month after this one too. Failure is not acceptable and the consequences will never be the same. Seriously considering sacrificing the fat thighs of a bull to Zeus if he’ll give me power in return

>>	Zeus Wed Jun 5 00:56:15 2019 No.13240991 >>13240988 hell yeah man fair trade lets do it

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 01:15:33 2019 No.13241040

>>13236919
You know the best counter to cynicism? The realization that you either DO or DO NOT have a strong, immutable desire to acquire something or reach some kind of goal. If you have this, you can disregard everything you consider as "bad" and start devoting all of your time and resource towards overcoming "initial conditions". If you don't have this drive, you have not completed enough introspection and study in order to become a "conscious" being. And don't fall for the meme that one only assumes a single goal/desire within their lifetime. Their are periods of completion, striving, confusion, hopelessness, and days of passing/existence. Your current days of despair will morph into days of pursuit before your very eyes if you have even an inkling of an urge to actually LIVE. Good luck to you, anon.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 01:34:11 2019 No.13241079
File: 517 KB, 450x324, 1553210743890.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I haven't smoked weed in a couple days. I used to think the drug kept me from insanity but now I can hardly distinguish between the high and myself.
My personality became completely dependent on this and honestly I can't even conceive of ever stopping because it feels like all my thoughts and feelings would just disappear into thin air and in turn I'd be locked in this limbo of anxiety.
I don't know, I guess I just miss feeling something genuine for once.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 02:48:30 2019 No.13241270 I'm watching Chernobyl. I already liked brutalism before but wow is it based. Simple yet elegant.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 02:51:30 2019 No.13241275 God I wish Carolina felt the same way about me that I do about her. I wonder if she thinks of me.... She is so pretty oh god

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 02:52:38 2019 No.13241277 You just had to listen Veronica. If you had listened the gamers would not have risen up. Now it is too late

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 02:55:32 2019 No.13241289 >>13241277 VERONICA YOU VAPID WHORE REEEEEEEEEEEE

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:14:29 2019 No.13241326 I feel like I wasn’t made for this world.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:20:18 2019 No.13241345 Cream doughnut and mocha. Fuck everything else I have had a superlative breakfast.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:22:52 2019 No.13241354 >>13240565 Unironically noFap or at the very least noPorn I'll tell you after doing nofap for a month+ there's no need for porn (but I still view it).

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:42:35 2019 No.13241406 [DELETED]

>>13234885
>Stop watching porn
>only masturbate to imagination
>Gross sexual visions
>paranoia
>questioning my sexuality
>first think I'm gay
>then think "what if I'm a transgender"
>"no I'm a paedo"
>maybe I'm neither
>Stop masturbating altogether
>remember I used to jack off to trap doujinshi and porn
>Feel sick
>Every mention of tranny porn makes my stomach revolt
>vomit my soul off three times in 2 days

I'll keep not masturbating and see where this leads me, hope I don't kill myself.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:43:56 2019 No.13241412

I have a friend visiting me from Chicago. She's a very beautiful young woman who has told me on multiple occasions how much she likes me. I do believe that what I'm about to write is likely just byproducts of my anxiety, self-loathing, and neurosis, old ideas I have yet to be rid of, but I can't quite bring myself to be happy she's coming. For starters, I'm functionally impotent. Reasons unknown have led me to be repulsed by sexual activity. It takes genuine thought and effort to be comfortable even with making out with a girl, and while I'm sure trial, error, and therapy will all help with time, right now I'm still very afraid of intimacy. I'm afraid to disappoint this girl from Chicago. I think perhaps she's out of my league. We don't really have anything in common, interest-wise, and she's certainly a lot "cooler" than me. I find myself to be boring, sadly. Another thing to work on. The worst of it is that I fear the only reason I like her back is because of how she would boost my perceived worth. Having a beautiful girl fawn over me sounds nice, looking from the outside in, and since I don't know anything about relationships or, again, intimacy, I get worried that I won't realize that I don't really care for her until it's too late and I'd said/done things I'll regret. She, or rather all this she brings on, is really pushing me to examine all that I don't quite like about myself, which is awesome. I stopped being introspective for a while, probably brought on by a belief that removing fear from my life meant dismissing the things I don't like about myself, and dismissing meant simply waving them away. Perhaps the process of removing my fears and flaws and fucked-up ways of thinking is more involved, and true fearlessness is in unflinchingly looking at all that I've got wrong.

Apologies if this is gibberish. I don't write much.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:58:20 2019 No.13241445

>>13241412
Another trouble I've got on my mind is, like the first one, a very, very luxurious challenge and one I should be grateful to have. I've come a long way from the guy I used to be, who couldn't summon any reason or passion for living no matter what. As much of a coward as I am today, it's nothing like what I was then. And now, after a couple years, I've placed myself at a junction. My choice is between returning to college and going to a training program to become a substance-abuse counselor. Both would have me move somewhere else in the country. Both sound like a lot of fun, and I hope would be fulfilling in their own ways. As far as I can tell, either blocks the other from my future and yet I'm still so nervous. I don't know why but that's why I'm writing this at 3 AM. Going back to college would, ironically, require me to stray from the comfortable path. This training program is a journey that I understand. I know how it works, and where it goes. I don't know how I change along the way, or if I do at all. On the other hand, I have no clue what I'll get from returning to the academic path. I would be leaving school debt-free, so I do feel a sense of leeway in terms of what I'd study and do while there, but for a guy like me who's always been largely directionless, I have no idea what I'd have to do to survive. Perhaps that means I should return to school, if only because it seems the bigger challenge to my character. The unknown of it does look like the bigger push to grow, and ultimately that is what I want. And if it turns out to be a dud, then I can always go do something else, again.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 03:59:55 2019 No.13241450

>>13234885
>Decide to improve my life
>train every day
>quit porn
>train every day
>feel good
>mind starts fucking with me
>gay visions
>Remember all the terrible shit I did
>Remember I jacked off to tranny porn
>Realize I don't have any friends
>Realize I don't have a gf
>Maybe people think I'm gay
>Maybe I'm gay
>What if I become a transexual myself
>Anxiety hits hard
>Feel like shit
>Continuous nightmares and gross dreams
>Wake up in the morning feeling like shit for two days in a row
>Throw up
>feel crippling loneliness
>lose all motivation
>still refuse to watch porn

This always happens when I decide to quit porn.

I want to see where this leads me.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 04:00:42 2019 No.13241452 >>13241445 I'm gonna stop now though cause my literary skills are degrading with each passing minute. Just wanted to express my gratitude for this thread, for giving me a way to constructively think about all this. Stay safe /lit/

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 04:12:48 2019 No.13241486

I gotta get this out somewhere...

I've been in an intellectual and creative depression ever since I've gotten back with my middle school girlfriend..it's been 16 months and I've just totally fallen into the beta male trap. There's been some really good days together and we even moved 2000 miles away from our families together, but I've just lost so much touch with the fire and fury I had in me. I miss who I was so much, a "shell" is a word that crosses my mind a lot.
Something that also bothers me is that she's pretty overweight.
I have to do something quick

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 04:30:58 2019 No.13241527 I started reading again for the first time in years. Already I can feel my internal monologue coming back and a clarity I haven't had in in many years. Maybe my brain isn't completely broken after all

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 04:54:25 2019 No.13241595

>>13234885
FUCK MY LIFE.
WHY CAN'T I BE A NORMAL GUY HANGING AROUND WITH FRIENDS AND GOING TO DATES WITH CHICKS.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
I HATE IT SO MUCH, I WANT TO GO BACK.
I MISSED ON IT ALL AND NOW I AM DEPRESSED BEYOND BELIEF.
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I AM PROUD OF.
THIS IS HELL.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 06:25:56 2019 No.13241776 >>13241595 same

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 06:35:32 2019 No.13241791 I care for you anons and I hope you can all find happiness

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 06:36:38 2019 No.13241793 >>13241527 Oh no way man..you can stomp out those cob webs so fast and really build yourself into a relative superman

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 06:48:39 2019 No.13241823 >>13234885 I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass - and I'm all out of bubblegum.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 06:59:52 2019 No.13241864 >>13234885 I'm slightly hung-over, and my self-published books don't get much in the way of sales. That's pretty much what's on my mind right now, also I need to go pick up groceries.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 07:03:41 2019 No.13241877

>>13234885
Why she keeps me at a distance? And when she opens up she will blame me for stuff i never did or said.
I see the reasoning behind these poor defend mechanisms if i try or i am oblivious and i can't get out of my head?
If so do i deserve this form of punishment?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 07:04:44 2019 No.13241882 >>13241823 /thread

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 07:12:54 2019 No.13241908 >>13235587 What happened anon?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 07:15:09 2019 No.13241918 >>13236031 Wanting a following on socials is retarded

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 07:15:30 2019 No.13241921 I give UP about to get high and edge myself for hours until my brain is mushy and numb

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 07:21:10 2019 No.13241939

What kind of job is suitable for a 19 yo ?

I don't much care for money, I just want to work a bit this summer or I'll get bored to death.
I have a driving licence and I learn fast enough.
I don't have any past working background except some memeish "work experience" I did in a chemistry for school

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 07:26:00 2019 No.13241955 >>13237746 CANT STOP WONT STOP

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 07:28:36 2019 No.13241960 >>13241939 Be a dishwasher at a chain restaurant...fucking hilarious job. It'll keep you in good shape too. I had way more fun there than at my cushy gig now

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 07:29:38 2019 No.13241967 >>13241960 >>13241939 I'm totally serious

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 08:19:37 2019 No.13242170 >>13241486 Break up bro. I’ve felt the same way in almost the exact same situation and my life improved x10000000 ever since I broke up with her.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 09:15:28 2019 No.13242385 >>13241939 Don’t do service or retail, trust me. Find a contractor that will hire you as a laborer

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 10:04:07 2019 No.13242553 >>13234885 I have a good idea for a short story but I don't know how to start it and how to make it unsettling in the way I need it to be. I'm getting really drunk so I can hopefully come up with something moving.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 10:12:50 2019 No.13242587 >>13234885 I just had a revelation, I want to blame all my misfortunes on this guy. This absolute piece of shit, I want to murder him

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 11:22:26 2019 No.13242817

So me and this girl from work were dating before I met my ex and I really liked her. We went our separate ways after a while, she met a new guy and I got in a two-year relationship that ended fairly recently (read 6 months). My ex hates this girl's guts because she knows I still have a thing for her. When we broke up she made me promise I wouldn't try anything with her. I still like her as a person and I respect her so I said yes.
Now this first girl is hitting on me again and I REALLY want to give it a shot for old time's sake.
What should I do /adv/?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 11:35:35 2019 No.13242867 >>13242817 Do it if you want to. Six months is enough time, it's not like you jumped right into her bed. You shouldn't have made that promise. If you still live near your ex or still have the same social circles you should tell her after you do it.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 12:21:09 2019 No.13243053 >>13234885 If you're younger than 30 and already regretting all your life choices something really went wrong.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 12:26:59 2019 No.13243096

These how questions are very important because otherwise you will never come to a correct solution / improvement. For a long time I could not see anything so simple and somehow managed to fade it out. Looking back now, even in a very naïve way. I do not know why and I would never have seen it. I always thought I was smart, because I discovered something that no one sees and has thought about things that nobody else thinks about. I had the ability to deal with philosophical questions for a long time and wanted to understand something. I wanted to understand myself, the world and the people. During this time, many negative thoughts came to my mind and these were strongly emotionally attached. As if I could find out a complicated formula for life and not shake it off. In hindsight, I was blind to my environment and the reality. Especially for the huge extent of the whole. Instead, I've filtered out the things that I believe fit my own construct of reality. I have distanced myself from responsibility and everyday life. I hated people because I simply could not accept the inappropriate behavior that was displayed. Psychologically, I would say that I have tried to compensate for something with my behavior. Maybe I have an inferiority complex. But I had no idea about psychology at the time and therefore could not exactly classify my behavior. Quite strange, when I think about how well I have done with cynical jokes / thoughts and clever, unconscious self-deception somehow myself to stand in the way. I had countless depressions and absolutely had no control over my life. The whole thing seems very absurd to me. Nobody could answer the basic questions about life correctly although I had such a longing for it. There were certain, specific and complex questions that psychology finally showed and answered. Specific questions that support this so-called resilience (did not yet know this term) and promote the highest degree. I could never settle for the common, simple answers. And now I know that no one else could have taught me. I've been fortunate to have come across, through reading books and self-analysis, the structured information that has encouraged and made me a reflective person.
It was not easy to get here and I often had to think about what others think of me. This society has many influences that can get you started. The pressure robbed me of the last nerve and also I hated even for it. But it could have been much worse. Imagine I never thought about it and would have remained naive, living in my own dream world.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 12:28:04 2019 No.13243106

>>13243096
Which would have made sense for me somewhere, because it worked out well before that. I think that's pretty blatant. Now that I can feel more empathy again, I understand more. Before that, I would not have allowed it or it would have been too stupid to settle for such simple answers, so no psychologist would have been able to help me. I would have just locked up, cleverly misrepresented, lied or ignorant and naive enough to have me brainwashed to the end I would have believed in the self and that happens something is not so rare. It is even a common method among psychotherapists. Of course, another alternative would have been drug treatment but the symptoms reappeared after weaning. Which makes sense anyway, because you have to fulfill your responsibilities in life. You can also read that, if you want. One needs a true empowerment and education of the personality, with facts and well illustrated representations and examples of a healthy development of one's own view.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 12:30:33 2019 No.13243118

>>13243053
This sounds true, sadly some individuals find themselves at 40 and wonder how everything went wrong. I will not be that 40 year old nor that 30 year old; I've already self-published hundreds of thousands of words including 6 novels and will be making further efforts to get traditionally published.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 12:40:50 2019 No.13243180 Allow yourself a moment of rest and you realize how foolish you have been on the way. Learn to keep silent and you realize that you've been talking too much. Be kind and you realize that your judgment on others was all too hard.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 12:54:30 2019 No.13243267 >>13234885 I need purpose and friendship. How hard is it to find friends at the age of 20 ?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 13:26:19 2019 No.13243468 >>13234885 I was naked in public once When I saved a drowning child After I kicked the little shit from a bridge

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 14:47:13 2019 No.13243925
File: 52 KB, 1140x701, Deadwood_Olyphant_crop.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I'd like to learn how to talk through my teeth like the sherif guy from Deadwood. Anyone who does that is not to be trifled with. If you look closely he doesn't open his jaw when speaking as if under murderous tension.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 14:50:27 2019 No.13243938 >>13243925 It's really not that hard to do. Makes most, including I, sound a fool though.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 14:50:37 2019 No.13243940 File: 6 KB, 346x146, 400.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 14:59:14 2019 No.13243993 >>13240913 >>13240913 How fucked am I bros? School really has me stressing and I can’t pick a major or decide on a career. I’m 26 for fucks sake

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 14:59:24 2019 No.13243994 File: 42 KB, 800x450, pizza time.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 15:09:29 2019 No.13244050 >>13243940 Fuckin' love Boondock Saints. >>13243994 First two Raimi Spiderman movies are God tier.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 15:10:43 2019 No.13244061 >>13243993 How the hell do you earn a living then? God, people support their adult children way too much

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 15:13:07 2019 No.13244073 I'm tired of all your social posturing. I'm tired that you all feel like you need to be special. Just stop and slow down for a fucking second, please?

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 15:14:39 2019 No.13244082

my hatred for myself is immeasurable. my entire life has been nothing but disappointing embarassment one after the other. despite having many friends I feel connection towards none of them. my childhood was filled with abuse and torment and my young adulthood has not been much better. I'm starting to think I should give up. I don't think ill ever be happy. I hate everyone I know and im a piece of shit person.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 15:17:44 2019 No.13244110 >>13242587 Elaborate.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 15:20:07 2019 No.13244125 >>13243180 this cheered me up a bit. thank you

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 15:28:56 2019 No.13244185 >>13244061 I work as a tech dude for a boating company. I’m not rich by any means but I’m supporting myself even with a $1300 month rent

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 15:37:28 2019 No.13244222
File: 72 KB, 709x765, 1qfwZyT.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I feel trapped. It seems that for the vast majority of people including me, their only two choices in life are either NEETdom or wageslavery. Our lives are reduced to sitting in front of a computer or television screen 95% of the time and we go about our days with no greater purpose, no reason for being, no existential drive. I've been feeling so melancholic these past few days that my brain literally just feels numb half the time. I suppose having a family gives one a purpose and I would like to have a family one day but still there is little change in the cycle. I want to break free from the cycle. I want to do something greater. I want to destroy the path that this civilization sets out for us and as cliche as it is I keep saying to myself that there must be more to life.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 16:31:40 2019 No.13244602

>>13244222
Look within yourself, find your God-given talents, and see if you can monetize them ethically and legally. If not, you are not constrained on talent. Look within yourself for your interests, and see which interests can be potentially monetized. You CAN be of benefit to society and a contributor to our amazing quality of life, someone who will be missed when you die. You need to make that yourself, however. Get to work, and by that I mean get busy making something of yourself, not saying to get employed. It may take time for that, but get to work on yourself and build yourself up. Hone yourself, like a blade, and then cut someone's face off as they scream. I'm kidding, don't do that, I get a strange sense of humour sometimes when I drink, but still, be something worthy of oxygen and eventually of respect.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 17:29:16 2019 No.13244955
File: 174 KB, 1200x1000, 1547176193.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>realizing you should have taken the money you spent on going to an "elite" university and invested it instead
AHHHHHHHH WHY DIDN'T I UNDERSTAND COMPOUND INTEREST FOUR YEARS AGO

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 17:31:48 2019 No.13244971
File: 108 KB, 1080x1255, 1551005319724.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>13234928
Don't teach them shit. Negiotate and tell them you're obviously worth more than those turds and if they don't want to keep you, just fucking bounce. You'll thank yourself later, keep your dignity and get a head start on finding new employment instead of being a literal cuck.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 17:34:03 2019 No.13244979 File: 1.19 MB, 1030x846, molymeme_disgust.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>13237287 Wait firing you for no reason and now you say they're firing you because you were a nigger? Kys faggot.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 17:36:45 2019 No.13244990 >>13237287 >commit crime against employer >what the hell why are you firing me?? Are you a black man perhaps?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 17:38:46 2019 No.13244999 >>13244955 How much did you pay?

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 17:39:37 2019 No.13245007

>>13234885
I have an exam on political theory tomorrow morning. It's my last exam of the year. I feel pretty ready, and it should be fine, unless they throw a complete curve ball, but the guy convening the module seems to have his head screwed on the right way.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 17:47:55 2019 No.13245050

>>13244999
If I went to an out-of-state public university I would have saved 50-60k, more if I went to my (shitty) in state uni but that may have actually affected my current employment situation. My grandparents are rich and gave me a big college fund and I squandered it LARPing as a dandy intellectual boy at a fancy school. I didn't even enjoy myself and since I'm not going into academia it was completely pointless.

I'm such a fucking brainlet holy shit

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 17:47:57 2019 No.13245051 >>13242817 who cares what your ex thinks

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 17:51:02 2019 No.13245066 >>13242817 6 months is not recently, don't let the bitch control you, you are not even in a relationship anymore

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 18:01:54 2019 No.13245130 >>13245050 That's not enough to live on just by receiving interest

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 18:11:55 2019 No.13245191 >>13245130 right, but I would have been several years closer to financial independence than I am now. escaping wageslaving is ALL that matters, it is hell.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 18:50:42 2019 No.13245375 >>13234982 kek

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 19:11:19 2019 No.13245484

Does anyone who claims to support free speech consciously, truly believe what they say? I seriously doubt that anyone has absolute support for "freedom of speech". I'm much less skeptical, however, in my belief that people want nothing more than to repress those who speak against them or their views. Take any sort of incident of censorship. The censored would cry that their freedom of speech--something they claim to hold dear--is being restricted. However, if the same were to happen to their ideological opponents, they would either celebrate or fall eerily silent.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 19:27:20 2019 No.13245590

the biggest challenge to me writing right now is that I can write my characters well when I'm just fucking around, but when I try to actually work on my novel my writing skill evaporates. I'm pretty sure it's becuase I just care too damn much about this story, and feel too much pressure to make it good. I don't know how I can work while I keep judging myself

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 19:43:29 2019 No.13245686

hey i am a noob pro/g/rammer looking to devote myself to a project this summer.
I am thinking of hosting a website for open source books where free books (classics like dovsteovsky or odyssey) will be written in the LaTeX format free for all to view and possibly edit (not sure how to manage who can edit, maybe based on real life credentials).
if you ever use Git you know exactly what I am talking about, but its for book instead of software applications.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 20:07:08 2019 No.13245810
File: 10 KB, 272x247, 1559684703160.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I find it really disheartening just how long it takes me to read nowadays. Takes me weeks to read a 500 page book, used to take me 3 days.

I'm also really irritated that I can't fucking describe faces for the life of me. I can't tell the reader what my character looks like because I have no idea how to describe any face

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 20:11:02 2019 No.13245827 >>13234885 That's a big failure. Maybe the first one, the sum of countless little failures, hitting all at once. I almost believed that I would make it.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 20:12:28 2019 No.13245834 Just now I realized I will never be happy again, the only thing that remains in me is hate and revenge, and even if I fulfill those, happiness will never come back again. How to live for the sake of hate and revenge? Is like being already dead.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 20:12:57 2019 No.13245838

I feel like shit. Work is stressful, and I'm avoiding my passions because I'm not good enough to satisfy myself. What hobbiesI have I either can't do often, or suck at so badly that the ensuing failure has literally caused me to smash my own computers in the past.

I just want to be good at things. I thought by this point in my life I'd better than I was rather than worse

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 20:28:07 2019 No.13245937 >>13234885 women are really beautiful, and they don't want me

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 20:53:30 2019 No.13246081 I feel like no matter how much I try to improve my writing it's all the same. No difference between what I wrote a month ago and last night. It looks exactly the same despite changes I try to make.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 20:54:12 2019 No.13246089 >>13246081 have you tried reading books?

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 20:56:48 2019 No.13246108 >>13246089 No not really. To be honest I haven't read much at all in the past few weeks. I've been entirely focused on writing random short stories to make myself a better writer

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 21:00:53 2019 No.13246135

>>13246108
Its very hard to think alone, we outsource a lot of of our thoughts and consciousness to the outside world.
for instance, its very hard to know that drug abuse is a problem unless you actually know someone who is a drug abuser.
so try reading a book of your interest and you will find yourself thinking, "hey if i tweak this here and there it will be better"
very few people are lucky enough to have original thought, and even most of them are often inspired.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 22:12:07 2019 No.13246453 >>13234885 im horny and glad to be alive

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 22:57:24 2019 No.13246636 >>13246453 Now that's what I'm fucking talking about

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 23:00:17 2019 No.13246651 I don't feel like people don't understand that it's going to take more than living in delusional comfort to survive the future. It feels like everyone I talk to has accepted death and is trying not to think about it.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 23:01:58 2019 No.13246657 >>13234885 I don't know how I wound up so fucked up I can't seem to make my brain behave I dunno.

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 23:34:02 2019 No.13246775
File: 48 KB, 900x512, oswald-spengler.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Being conservatively minded and not religious is a very isolating way to live. I would not recommend it. The only way to survive with a worldview like that is to ignore it, learn to live with depression, or overcome it with subjectiveness (religiosity)

Anonymous Wed Jun 5 23:41:21 2019 No.13246803

>>13246775
that's what you get for choosing politics as a fashion statement to impress people on the internet
on the other hand you're exactly one step better than the catholic larpers on this board that choose their religion as a fashion statement for the same reason

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 23:45:46 2019 No.13246815 >>13246803 It's not a fashion statement. I don't share my beliefs with anyone except anonymous people on the internet so it's not like I'm trying to impress anyone.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 23:46:55 2019 No.13246818 File: 70 KB, 1920x1080, zbkbWbz.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] There's a cool summer breeze drifting through my window. Bugs are buzzing outside. I'm spinning from cheap wine and watching anime. All in all, pretty comfy.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 23:50:31 2019 No.13246829 >>13246815 It's Shrodingers catholic. Either seeking attention or non existent.

>>	Anonymous Wed Jun 5 23:52:05 2019 No.13246839 >>13246815 while anonymous interaction might not be rewarded with status as in-person interaction might, that doesn't mean that social pressures aren't there, as far as the human mind is concerned.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 01:39:45 2019 No.13247192 i haven't written anything but fanfiction for the past two years i know this isn't a confessing thread but boy did that feel good to get off of my chest,

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 01:47:30 2019 No.13247215 >>13241791 Thank you anon. I really needed this.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 01:59:17 2019 No.13247243

>>13234885
Today I was able not to barf out my guts.
Now it appears pretty clear that I'm not sick per se but my disgust depends on the disgust my past conduct causes me.
It haunts me without mercy.
I was young, too young.
Watched too much porn and got bored with normal stuff.
Got to b somehow.
Tranny porn and bestiality were a new thing to me.
Jacked off a few times.
Not my things.
Go back to normal porn.
Years later I remembered, realize how sick it is l, feel shame, then regret, then feel sick.
Now the mere thought makes me puke.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 02:03:24 2019 No.13247258

I found my old scrap of a beginning of a novel and realized I can use it as an alternating story with what I’m currently writing both to break up the format of the main plot and have a way for the main character to escape the endless Mexican restaurant.

Hooray! I’m at like 37 pages now.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 02:08:18 2019 No.13247268 >>13237358 I really like some Italian names. Paolo, Emanuele, Antonio, Davide and Francesco are based

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 02:14:02 2019 No.13247295 File: 48 KB, 640x656, eac.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I just want to write in the style of >>13240349 without being laughed at.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 02:36:28 2019 No.13247341 >>13234885 In just 2 months I fell in love, she didn't, what's there to say.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 03:18:43 2019 No.13247416 Nigge

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 03:20:38 2019 No.13247425 >>13247341 amateur numbers, I can get shanked by love in less than an hour

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 03:29:53 2019 No.13247443

the fragmentation and competition that was thought inherent to capitalism has been shunted into social and political reality. industrial monoliths chisel at the titans of world commerce and the people cluster in threes and fours without so much as communication outside their designer realities. every street corner wears a shrine to something dead. tradition isn't simply gone; it was never there in the first place. the serpent's tongue laps at its tail. the only sound that penetrates their chambers is the sharp pained howl of their dual, emanating from the membrane between the real and cyberia. the only theory left to write is solemn bricolage.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 05:10:02 2019 No.13247630 >>13235188 livestream it

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 05:28:48 2019 No.13247681 It's been a long while since I've been legitimately in love with another person. I'm not sure if this is a bad or good thing. Everyone is simply disappointing to me.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 05:30:11 2019 No.13247688 God is confounded to giveth or taketh from he who neither wants nor has anything

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 07:40:32 2019 No.13248117

>>13237629
"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.""
>>13241450
continue your celibacy, you will become stronger and your brains temptations will fade. I never jacked off to tranny but i felt similiar feelings, everything b asically just urges to make you watch porn again, it really is an addiction and it was forced upon almost every young man for a reason.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 07:41:59 2019 No.13248123 so many anons here have way better lifes than myself yet feel worse. Achievements and money really are not the path to happiness. Daily reminder to keep your blood sugar balanced, healthy body healthy mind.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 08:10:00 2019 No.13248218

>>13235188
I know what you mean, but when I think back on my attempts I feel glad that I didn't succeed, particularly as I look to the future. I've been embracing my talents, monetizing them, honing my skill, getting my education, and I'm actively looking for a woman to enter a long-term relationship with ideally resulting in marriage and children once I've confirmed that there's not a strand of feminism inside her mind and that she views divorce in a similar manner as myself. A disgusting and destructive D-word that would be worse for the children than for either of us.

My future is incredibly bright, I have Christ's love in my heart and traditional publication is inevitable.

That said, life WILL have struggle and suffering. People will get sick, people will die, there will be fights, might even be a vehicular accident at some point along the way. Who knows, but the way to strengthen yourself is to carry as much responsibility as you can manage and don't aim at happiness being the primary goal in life. It's a side-effect of doing what's right and of things working out. That's all.

There's also a war on... our Western civilization is under attack by Muslim barbarity fueled by the radical left. Our freedom of expression is crumbling outside of America, and even there, the radical left try to ruin the lives of people who don't follow them in their politically correct nonsense. We must resist, and defeat the bastards.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 08:31:52 2019 No.13248279

Really can't decide if I want to do an exchange semester in China. I'm learning Chinese alongside Economics + Finance and it's not an expensive programme. The problem is it's hard to go to a country where every dollar you spend assists a government that has re-education camps in 2019 and did stuff like Tienanmen square when they rolled over bodies with bulldozers and washed them down the drains.

Even in my own country I try to not spend money on any corporation I wouldn't support. I don't drink any fizzy or eat any fast foods. I could learn a lot from China and there's pros in going with a Herodotus attitude - being relatively neutral and making observations about how everything works in China for my betterment (possibly for others too if I ever use the experience for something).

This is a very great moral conflict for me.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 08:34:54 2019 No.13248292

>>13248279
Don't worry about it. If you know anything about Chinese history you would realize why they need to crack down on dissent so hard. It sucks, but at least there will still be a Chinese culture a thousand years from now which you can't say the same for most of the West

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 08:37:04 2019 No.13248296
File: 67 KB, 604x520, 28663B2E-EC58-4500-94CE-A6D9DF4F65CE.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

condoms are a spiritual weapon sublimated to physical form, they kill by metaphysical castration. I don’t know who or what sent them to our realm but they must be brought to retribution

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 08:53:43 2019 No.13248328 I'm watching The Terror and I really, really like the aesthetics of 1800s stuff. Big fan of wooden boxes and the like. Wish we still used that stuff instead of shitty plastic.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 09:30:00 2019 No.13248425

>>13248117
I wilo continue on this route.
The sexual temtation has pretty much faded yet even though I haven't watched tranny porn in years the shame and regret is still there.
I still feel sick and ashamed of myself, I wish I it went differently.
I was younger, I didn't care, I watched lots of porn and it went the way it did.

I'm mortified.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 12:08:10 2019 No.13249048

Will I ever find a gf that loves me like a qt 2d anime girl loves the 2d anime protagonist?
Seriously though, it's depressing to have access to such idealized depictions of love that either do not or only extremely rarely do correlate with real relationships. I think it has destroyed my ability to relate to people irl.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 12:30:51 2019 No.13249161 >>13234885 Bored out of my mind. More shame and regret. I feel crippled and broken. Anyone ever been to a psychiatrist ? How was it ?

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 12:31:55 2019 No.13249165 nutin much

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 12:44:50 2019 No.13249236

>>13234885
I can't start my new government job till 2 months from now because background checks take way to long. I have plenty of money + unemployment so that's not really a concern but I don't want to just be a neet and waste 2 months.
What books should I read in the next 2 months /lit/?

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 13:06:38 2019 No.13249333

This is going to sound pretty edgy.
I feel like I'm using people as a vehicle to make myself feel like I'm thinking, or rather to make myself thing I'm doing somenthing significant in the process of descovering myself, but I'm not sure if that's really the case.
I feel like I don't see people, I don't speak with people because I have no one who would listen, so instead I see what my perception of someone is and not what they really are because I'm afraid I will be disappointed with myself for wishing for a better relationship.
In short, I feel like I'm always talking to myself, as if everyone else lacked an identity different to what I imagine them to be because they don't actually show one, they are not them, they are me because when I'm not there they really have no reason to think about their identity.
It feels like I'm alone because no one provides any kind of deeper thought near me unless I drive them to and even them I'm still talking by myself.
It feels like I have no friends but projections of myself.
It feels lonely.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 13:08:32 2019 No.13249342

>>13234885
Wasted too much time, did so little.
All that is on my mind is pointless shit I hate.
The future seams dark.
Very dark.

Overall it has been a bad year, for me and people around me.
I can see it, so much evil, so much suffering, so mich hatred, so much shame and tears and screams and pain.

I don't know if I just noticed it for the first time because I'm getting older, but it's harsh .
Not a single thing I look forward to in this gosh awful god empty World.
Not one.
And death doesn't frighten me that much anymore.
I wish I was an animal of some sort, so this wouldn't matter.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 13:09:56 2019 No.13249350 >>13235250 reads evola once

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 13:16:28 2019 No.13249370 just another one of those days were i feel swamped by the magnitude of all the art out there for me to enjoy and yet here i am shit-posting, watching YouTube videos and thinking about how im not good enough to have a successful career

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 13:25:28 2019 No.13249408

Fell in love with a girl. She was with a massive chad before me who dumped her. She still wanted him. Cultured, sophisticated, beautiful girl, madly in love with some simpleton who didn’t want her. I tried, but she never took to me. Love is a cruel business.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 13:33:26 2019 No.13249450
File: 957 KB, 2507x1673, a-chalkboard-with-the-question-do-you-speak-Japanese-written-in-Japanese-language.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I finally started learning the weeb language in earnest, it's pretty comfy. Didn't take nearly as long to memorize the hiragana and katakana as I expected, though my housemates probably think I'm a retard for repeating the letters over and over again for hours. I also finally understand the desu meme, though the memetic usage usually doesn't make much sense desu.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 13:35:30 2019 No.13249458 state of women on twitter. >PitMad https://twitter.com/MissDahlELama/status/1136618527031549956 cleansing when!?

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 13:43:57 2019 No.13249497 >>13249458 I don't understand twitter. Like I really don't get why anyone uses it, yet it is hugely popular.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 13:51:19 2019 No.13249536 >>13249497 People really enjoy being mad at stuff and/or acting like assholes. I stopped using twitter and I feel already better

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 13:55:17 2019 No.13249553 first day in my shitty call center job feeling sad, disappointed in myself, i just graduated as a social anthropologist, and thats the only work i can get right now, i dont even have any will to read or do anything worthwile, life suck sometimes niggas

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 14:01:25 2019 No.13249580
File: 174 KB, 1024x576, Ondine_07.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>13249553
Anon you are my friend in spirit if nothing else. I hope you find a sense of peace in life. I have a chronic medical condition at 27 that will make the rest of my life somewhat miserable, but I'm trying to make the best of it.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 14:04:27 2019 No.13249589

>>13249536
but at least on sites with long form comments you get new material, every interaction I see on twitter is basically just
>retard: some retarded shit
>someone else: @retard you'e a retard, retard
>third party: @someone_else yass slay!
doesn't that get boring even if you agree with the people getting mad and ragetweeting at retards? that's not even mentioning the number of braindead boomers and redditors who just randomly tweet at politicians and shit constantly, or the weird "woke" corporate accounts (I remember seeing some account for a burger joint or something pretending to be depressed the other day; it was bleak).

like this place is terrible but it's interesting if nothing else. twitter makes me feel like I've stepped into a simulacrum

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 14:08:25 2019 No.13249609 >>13234885 duendes gangraping yor mom

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 14:14:46 2019 No.13249634 >>13249580 i'm sorry anon i hope the buddhists are right and life is just a big illusion in the collective mind, then you and i are the same person, just from a different kind of perspective

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 14:41:56 2019 No.13249771

>>13248425
you have to forgive yourself, i was molested as a child and the psychotoxic load of guilt is a heavy burden, just forgive yourself your erroneous ways and it will set you free. I wasnt even christian (still am not) but the active act of forgiving myself and not holding grudge was a breakthrough moment of mine. You enjoyed tranny porn, you were on a addictive pathway escalating more and more, etc. See it for what it was and forgive yourself fully.
Thanks to the Based christian doctor who saved me from the psycho(the)rapist.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 15:00:32 2019 No.13249882

>>13249580
God I love that pic. Her hair looks a bit wet, but it looks so damn comfy. I grew up with a harbour leading to the Atlantic out my bedroom window, even now I'm within walking distance from the Atlantic... beautiful. She seems like my kinda woman.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 16:02:37 2019 No.13250235 File: 735 KB, 480x191, 1530374718598.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] sad nd horn :'(

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 16:54:31 2019 No.13250503 >>13235143 You're just a man, retard. Women naturally fall apart in emergencies

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 17:02:55 2019 No.13250537 >>13245686 Gutenberg already exists.

>>	Anonymous Thu Jun 6 17:06:13 2019 No.13250552 >>13249536 >tfw why they are defaming a good friend on twitter with no evidence and just rumors I fucking hate that place, is just like a cheap drug for people.

Anonymous Thu Jun 6 17:24:12 2019 No.13250636
File: 162 KB, 990x742, DifferentSpecies.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Losing my hair at 18 deprived me of a youth. If I was witty or smart maybe it wouldn't matter so much. I'm not. Girls never look at me. I'm 25 and may as well be 55 - there would be no difference. A big part of what bothers me about it is that people subconsciously view me as unhealthy with such a receding hairline even though I'm in good shape, don't take any medications, never even had an allergy. Yet I appear to women as a leper. I truly wish I didn't care, but to say I don't would only be a case of the fox and the grapes.

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/lit/ - Literature