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2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/lit/ - Literature

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1315847 No.1315847 [Reply] [Original]

Jesus: Ok, guys. Sit down for a second. No, ok. Can I make a toast for a second? Guys? Guys!

Paul: *tweet!* Ok guys settle, Jay wants to say something here.
Jesus: Thanks Paul. Uh, as you know, I’ve been talking to God and . .
*uproarious applause and hoots and hollers*

Jesus, trying to lower the roof: OK, OK! Settle, guys! The thing is, is that God’s told me . . .

Peter: . . .We’re gonna kick some Roman ASS! WOO!
Jesus: No, Peter. Listen, guys. Basically -
Mark: WOO! Pass the potato chips, Paul. Its a celebration!
Paul stands there looking stoic.
Jesus: OK GUYS LISTEN.
Larry: WOOO! Jesus shhh, shhhh, you’re ruining the party, man! Come on, lets call Mary and the gals over. Play sociables!
*an uproarious approval*
Jesus: I’M DYING TOMORROW AND THIS IS THE LAST SUPPER AND WHAT YOU’RE GETTING DRUNK AND STUFFED ON IS MY BODY AND BLOOD, OK?
*dying down*
Peter: Jesus. . .
Jesus sits down in a huff: Thanks, guys. Thanks for making it special.
Larry: Jeeze–I’m sorry. I thought that you were–wait. Why are you dying? What did you do to the chips?


Paul stares at the chips he’s munching slower and slower.
Jesus: I made them my body and blood. I’m dying tomorrow. All of you are now a part of me. Consider yourself saved.
Peter: Why don’t we– I mean, not to question anything, but why? Why not smite the Romans?
Jesus: Forgive them, for they know not what they do.
Paul: Man, Mary got you to accept this, didn’t she.
Jesus: What? No! It was my own decision!
Paul: Yeah, to die. To not fight. Sounds like a real “Relationship-Jesus” move to me.
Larry: nods, shoving a fistful of chips into his mouth.
Peter: What..wait. Did you really talk to god or did you–
Jesus: Of course I talked to God!
Larry: Did he talk through Mary, by any chance?
Jesus: . . . Does it matter?
*AW!!!!RABBLERABBLERABBLERABBLE!!!!*

>> No.1315852

>>1315847
gay

>> No.1315853

you hurt my feelers.

>> No.1315855

>jay

Oh my God, I fucking lol'd.

>> No.1315939

>>1315855
danke

>> No.1315949

who's larry.
i'm not a christfag or anything but this is awful.

>> No.1315955

op here. fair enough, it isn't good.

>> No.1315968

Potatoes are from the new world, how did jesus get them?

>> No.1315972

>>1315968
who said potato?

>> No.1315974

I just wanted to bring up kool-aid and jonestown again, then I realized I just did that 5 minutes ago.

well, certainly makes for an entertaining read, at least in such brevity

>> No.1315970

>>1315968
the mormons can answer such a query.

>> No.1315976

The response to this post is atrocious.

The post itself, however, is pretty damn funny.

>> No.1315977
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1315977

>>1315968
did someone mention potatos?

>> No.1315981

>>1315972
Mark

>> No.1315983

wasnt fun at first but then lol'd @ "relationship-jesus"

>> No.1315984

>>1315970
I thought he only visited them after he died, maybe I'm wrong.

>> No.1316024

>>1315984
nah, yr right. i was wrong. but if one can resurrect, is time travel too much of stretch?

>> No.1316040

I thought it was funny at first but the second half needs work. still, good job/10