/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.13109150]

"
And now,
what are you thinking of?
And now,
why aren’t you talking anymore?

This silence, more than words,
makes me understand that you’re tired of me.

And now,
Don’t change your decision.
And now,
Just leave, leave…

Our place
we forget about it together
and only a memory.

I must tell you something:
Inside my chest this hearth is emerging for you!
Why are you stabbing me in the back?
I thinked you were honest
and you’re not honest
Why this evening do you want me to suffer?
No, don’t leave me.

Without you I am a tattered sail
A boat that slowly drowns
Without you this sky turned gray
and remains in this way,
cause you’re my sun.
I must tell you something:
Don’t leave me, stay with me.
"

What do you think of my poem?

[Anonymous No.13109164]

>>13109150
https://vocaroo.com/i/s1YZ9U0iwpEG

[Anonymous No.13109168]

>>13109164
>https://vocaroo.com/i/s1YZ9U0iwpEG
Really this is the translation of song sung by a trans of my city

[Anonymous No.13109173]

Ill be honest anon, though im by no means an expert on poetry; it seems a bit juvenile. Highly personal and lacking in thematic depth I would say. On a final note, its "thought" not "thinked", and I believe it would be "forgot" rather than "forget". Keep trying lad, practice makes perfect.

[Anonymous No.13109174]

>>13109150
Cringe.
>>13109164
Cringe.

[Anonymous No.13109180]

>>13109173
It's not a poem of mine, I don't write poems.
It's the translation of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKWMswr_kCY

[Anonymous No.13109188]

>>13109180
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0C0BQb22pbq

[Anonymous No.13109194]

>>13109188
>https://vocaroo.com/i/s0C0BQb22pbq
I wanted to make some cringe

[Anonymous No.13109219]

>>13109188
If you want we can meet so you can do anything you want.

Here's my telegram:
@Grantonino