/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.1299574]

lit
please

a place to get quick-short reviews from people who care to give more than "nice" or "die" comments, about very limited submissions (around 100 words).

or is it okay here ?

[Deep&Edgy !pSkjEcB9sQ No.1299581]

>"The best practice, it has always seemed to me, would be simply to ignore
the great majority of books and to give very long reviews--1,000 words is
a bare minimum--to the few that seem to matter. Short notes of a line or
two on forthcoming books can be useful, but the usual middle-length review
of about 600 words is bound to be worthless even if the reviewer genuinely
wants to write it. Normally he doesn't want to write it..."
-George Orwell

[Anonymous No.1299580]

you'll get a good number of nice-or-die comments here, but some people will read your stuff here, so post away...
you get a respectful response b/c of sweet pic :"}

[Anonymous No.1299604]

>>1299580
oh boy
Bergman fan ? Bah, here it goes then, hit me harddddddddddd if you feel like it

I blew a whisper of withdrawn feelings.
Colorless vibrations paint a dry light
With sunken words; sounds of distant hauntings
Pretend to spread gold in the looming blight.

I blew a whisper between the thin trees,
So small; a secret. From sun rays, it grew
To shake the tallest ones with a wild breeze.
Mute leaves, agonizing under the blue ?

I blew a whisper, squeezing my depths; eyes...
Closed. Gently. Did I squash each golden leaf?
Spiraling through air, while I stare, slantwise,
As a brief relief steals their life. A thief!

Lost June, cold moon, strewn scents, coatings of clay.
I blew a whisper. Something. Blown away.

[Anonymous No.1299608]

>>1299580
bergman fan?

here it goes

http://allpoetry.com/poem/6975623

[Anonymous No.1299645]

>>1299608
Great work all around, kinda Nolan-like success. Especially impressive technically, punctuation is well thought, the enjambments are hard hitting, the musicality goes way beyond rhymes constrictions. Touched both me and my boyfriend, simple and fertile imagery. Maybe we fell in love a bit, wondering if others would agree with what I just typed.

9/10

[Anonymous No.1299692]

>>1299645
shame you're the only one reacting :/ I kinda hoped I'd get more constructive points, but this type of thing looks almost banned here.

[Rhonda Sivek !yBmOntESSo No.1299701]

that is some top notch writing there, the kind of thing I'd expect to read in a book

[Anonymous No.1299727]

>>1299701
OP here, I really hate to sound demanding, but... I can't help feeling like you're just raising my spirits and encouraging me. If you refrained from wildly hitting me with harsh criticism, please, feel free to do so.

I used to write a lot when I was majoring in English, a few teachers highly recommended I would try to get published at least at magazine / journal level, which I refused, and since, I've finally restarted writing. So I'm a bit lost.

Do I still have the sensitiveness, the language skills, or is this a complete waste of time ?

By the way, I noticed other poems, people are invited to post them here ! Always better to have a centralized thread.

[Anonymous No.1299731]

Could you explain the poem? Because I really can't make sense of it. Is it about losing something because you were trying too hard?

Quite nice use of alliteration, even though you might want to just match the consonants instead of rhyme.

Also, how you use colours confuse me. Maybe it's not something you've thought about, but remember that colours are used as symbols in literature. Colourless, gold, blue, cold moon, sets the tone of the poem. Is it happy or is it sad? The gold, the sun and the blue would indicate things are warm and secure, powerful and safe. Not too sure about the colourless, made me think of apathy for some reason.

Care to explain the poem? Would be nice!

[Anonymous No.1299742]

9/10
Subtle. That word comes to mind first time i read this poem.
Is it about a rumour/suggestion/idea, and no matter how small it is, it still has great profound effects/potential?
Or am I way off, please enlighten us!

[Anonymous No.1299773]

>>1299731
Thanks for your carefully voiced interest, much appreciated.

As the picture hints on the linked page, it's about autumn, and about the fall of the leaves. This is the first part of a small compilation I've been working on the latest months. Precisely the shift from Summer. So the colors aren't necessarily symbolic, as a matter of fact they're primarily descriptive even if there is a deeper meaning, for instance with gold:

"sounds of distant hauntings
Pretend to spread gold in the looming blight."

Refers to the yellow colorization of trees, the black tarmac pathways ornamented with gold, which is an enjoyable sight, evocative of a rich nature, but also a synonym of age, death and the upcoming cold weather. Being the step between summer and winter, there are glimpses of each season poured, chronologically, in the poem.

Besides each stanza representing one of the steps of autumn, the poem itself deals far more with the narrator's link to nature, and how it seems to affect it, especially in the metaphor of "blowing a whisper". This is about your occasional deep sigh, at the window, where you deeply feel some kind of tightly locked emotion burst out gently, flying away. While you "waste" your time contemplating both nature and your own abstract, confusing nature, this subconscious expression devoid of words changes your perception, which added on the time gone, opens the door to a whole new era.

As you can see most of the expressions remain very simple semantically, accessible right from a first read if interpreted the same way you would interpret them in prose.

[Anonymous No.1299798]

>>1299742
Yes, I always refrain from delving in details to preserve the suggestive impact, thus insuring an open interpretation regarding the shared imagery. Usually in my first drafts objects take a lot more defined aspect - like a succession of adjectives for instance - before it takes the wanted form, part by part.

">Is it about a rumour/suggestion/idea, and no matter how small it is, it still has great profound effects/potential?"
As Based on what I just defined it's based on an idea, "blowing a whisper", i.e. the attempt at naming the feeling typical of the "autumn sighs", which seem to be synchronized with the seasonal wind, stealing time and leaves altogether.

[Anonymous No.1299813]

>>1299608

holy balls bro, I really enjoyed that

[Anonymous No.1299826]

>>1299773

Oh I see, it makes a lot more sense now. Maybe I was trying to look too deep and missed the point completely! To be quite honest I didn't even consider that the picture might be related to the poem.

As someone who learned english as an adult, I think that it is very complex. I don't know if the metaphors make more sense to a native speaker. Is "Colorless vibrations paint a dry light" supposed to refer to the cold wind or the extreme heat which causes the air to ripple?

I also could not relate to "strewn scents" or "coatings of clay". I know very well how it smells in autumn, is that it? And the clay? Is it the heavy rain causing mud?

Anyhow, a very interesting poem, even though it was hard to understand the general theme.

[Anonymous No.1299886]

>>1299826
colorless vibrations paint a dry light => rather the summer heat yeah, that's what I had in mind

strewn scents => look no further

coatings of clay => mud in heavy rain, uncovered soil, general abundance of warm colors (trees in brown, leaves in orange, bushes in yellow, dim sun rays)