/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.12676076]

/lit/ what would you do if you do if you could write/rewrite your own religion?

Lets say its guaranteed it will gain a major following, to keep things constant lets say 10% of the current native Western European population.

You can pull from any doctrine, any story, any religious hierarchy, any practice, any ritual, any belief etc from any religion in the present or past, or just create your own.

What would your religion be?

If it's a reinvention of a religion what is different about it?

[Anonymous No.12676178]

>>12676076
I thought it was an interesting idea

[Anonymous No.12676236]

>>12676076
Probably a religion with a trickster god that plays with you and is elusive and punishes you for worshiping him, with a strong Dionysian/Eleusian ritualistic element.

So basically judaism with orgies and mystery cults.

>>12676178
>I thought it was an interesting idea
It is, but hard to answer t.b.h

[Anonymous No.12676338]

>>12676076
My religion would be called "Sun worship"
and it would involve worshiping the sun for being the provider of the energy we need in our spiritual journey to return to it, no need to get into arguments about whether or not we actually came from the sun, we just need to follow the sun god/goddess teaching and I conveniently happen to come from that lineage.
Below is actual text that will be in the sun bible:

Core beliefs: Earth stinks like big poo. Physical matter big stinkie winky. Materialism is big gay and false god. Our heavenly father in the sky knows where, when, how and why. Don't look at him though because he is shy.

"In the beginning a cosmic fuckup on the scale of what was to be happened and through the attempts of understanding something that any effort would not be worth a fart, a morbidly ugly brainchild was created and he was declared trash and thus put in the garbage disposal. Brrrrrrrrooooooooooom hhahuhhhuhuhuhhh wait till you see it oooh hyuh huhhuh huhuh wait till you see this shitzhzhhhuhhh huhuh yO io IOIOIOIOOOOII kkkkkkyyyyyaaaaaa HA. HA. HA. HAAAAAAAAA. OH! look at the top of his heeeeeaaad. EEEyyyaaAAh ha ha ha ha. Look at his lips! The motherfucker. Out of anger and spite the ugly Jewish cocklick grabbed some spirit energy from where he came and formed it together with some garbage floating around and created the physical universe upon which he would entrap living souls so he could have his little problem. The heavenly father saw this as a problem, and ever merciful, could not turn on the garbage disposal with some of his spirit energy trapped inside with the blobby bloob. So he sent his messenger, Jeezus, in the form of a plumbing snake, to help humans out, but the blobby bloob got mad both times he stuck Jeezus down the pipe and broke him. (When the stopper was removed, that revealed the sun, and therefore is the source of all that is and is the center of the universe.) The heavenly father said that he's gonna send Jeezus another time and the next will be the last, so now blobby bloob is quivering with anticipation and trying to wreak as much havoc as he can on his little creation before the worthy are extracted back into the sun and the rest perish in the hellfire of an active garbage disposal." - Sunbook Act 1, Scene 1

Jesus, John the Baptist, and Mohammed are the only true prophets save me

Sun people (my people) and the people who have our same goals in mind are nobility. Material, traditional, ritualized, fundamentalist religions and all of their followers are ignoble goofy dobbers.

Jews and Baha'i are poopy, and all other gentile tribalist religions, therefore the sun government will sterilize all jews and tribalist gentiles and the like

Oatmeal and miso soup are to be declared the national food and every sun person is vegetarian. We like cows like Hindus, and we like pigs like Muslims. It would be insulting to th sun god to get food from a source that isn't from the sun.

I could go on but yeah

[Anonymous No.12676395]

>>12676338
Sunbook Act 1, Scene 2
"Based Baked Barbecued Braised Bacon Burgers" The Gospel of Jamal Book 1 "On Jeezus, or should I say, Lord Yakub"

you think dis nigger really know his dad? Lemme tell you what really happen wit dis nigga; his momma a ‘ho who fucked around an don’t know he daddy is so she tell him he’s da “son’a god” or sum shiet. Da saddest part is dis nigga fuckin believe that bitch. Smh
(This is the genealogy of Yakub the Messiah the son of David, the son of Abraham, the son of Yahweh: Abraham was the father of Isaac, Isaac the father of Jacob, Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers, Judah the father of Perez and Zerah, whose mother was Tamar, Perez the father of Hezron, Hezron the father of Ram, Ram the father of Amminadab, Amminadab the father of Nahshon, Nahshon the father of Shalom, Shalom the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab, Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth, Obed the father of Jesse, and Jesse the father of King David. David was the father of Solomon, whose mother had been Uriah’s wife, Solomon the father of Rehoboam, Rehoboam the father of Abijah, Abijah the father of Asa, Asa the father of Jehoshaphat, Jehoshaphat the father of Jehoram, Jehoram the father of Uzziah, Uzziah the father of Jotham, Jotham the father of Ahaz, Ahaz the father of Hezekiah, Hezekiah the father of Manasseh, Manasseh the father of Amon, Amon the father of Josiah, and Josiah the father of Jeconiah and his brothers at the time of the exile to Africa. After the exile to Africa: Jeconiah was the father of Shealtiel, Shealtiel the father of Zerubbabel, Zerubbabel the father of Abihud, Abihud the father of Eliakim, Eliakim the father of Azor, Azor the father of Zadok, Zadok the father of Akim, Akim the father of Elihud, Elihud the father of Eleazar, Eleazar the father of Matthan, Matthan the father of Jacob, and Jacob the father of Joseph, the husband of Mary, and Mary was the mother of Yakub who is called the Messiah. Thus, there were fourteen generations in all from Abraham to David, fourteen from David to the exile to Africa, and fourteen from the exile to the Messiah.)

[Anonymous No.12676400]

there was dis fuckin’ wanna be Malcom x mother fucker who wuz tellin the niggas at the store they need a repentin’ and sum shit and his fuckin’ shirt wuz made of damn rats. He ate bugs and shit and honey buns to nasty mothafuqa. I think tyrone told me the dude went to a damn retirement home and yelled, “you fuckin snakes, who be saying yous got a way out when I blow dis bitch down? don’t be saying Abraham’s you daddy either.” Then dumb ol’ yakub still thinkin’ he god’s sun an shit went up da street to talk do the nigga.
Crazy fuck says “yous da one who otta be talkin’ to dese snakes, man” and the nigga gave Yukab a damn twinkie
(And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.)

i was sittin here watch maury and fucking yakub knock on da door saying I need to come out side an I tell him “no fucka leave me be” then he look thru my window and start’d cryin like a bitch. Yakub says “did I not say yous go’in know im god” and he knocked the damn door down. I ran over to that nigga an knocked him the fuck out.
(Now both the chief priests and the Jews had given a command, that if anyone knew where He was, he should report it, that they might seize Him.)

Dumb ass Antwon came over an we’s eatin some chicken and Yakub sat his ass right on down to. He tol’ me I need ta eat his dam flesh an’ drank his blood. You know dam well I tol’ dat nigga to fuck off.
("Most assuredly, I say to you, one of you will betray Me." Then the disciples looked at one another, perplexed about whom He spoke. Now there was leaning on Yakub’s bosom one of His disciples, whom Yakub loved.

Pretty sho’ after I kick dat nigga out da fuckin’ po-lice picked dat nigga up.
(A detachment of troops, and officers from the chief priests and Jews, came there with lanterns, torches, and weapons. Yakub therefore, knowing all things that would come upon Him, went forward and said to them, "Whom are you seeking?" They answered Him, "Yakub of New Israel." Yakub said to them, "I am He.”
Then He had the most racist and terrifying moment of his life, three mornings before His death, on the corner of his block in New Israel. He often raided Bar Mitzvah ceremonies, and would take Torah Scrolls and therefore often had a Torah in his apartment, waiting to be burned or sold to his fence. In His last weekend, and as per usual, he sought to burn the Torah scroll.

[Anonymous No.12676404]

As He walked outside his cave, a Chasidic man aggressively demanded to know where He was going with the Torah, implying without a doubt that He had no business having it. Indignantly, He told this man to "leave me alone." He continued His short walk to the corner to meet His Cross, and another man approached, demanding, "explain yourself."
Next, a pickup-truck with an elongated (2:1 aspect ratio) version of the Battle Flag of the Army of Northern Virginia, and similar to The Second Confederate Navy Jack, in use from 1863 until 1865, although with the darker blue field of the Army's battle flag rolled up with a dude also pestering Him. He defensively made them to know He owed them no explanations and their continued demands and harassment were racist. At this point He hopped on his Cross, thinking aloud to himself, “it's over – G-d will just take me and this nightmare will end.” Before He could leave, a Chasidic driver swerved their car in front of His procession, preventing Him from being killed.

The Chasidic undercover security seemingly materialized, yelling into their walkie talkies, "the Torah is in the Nigger’s hand," and a mob of 20-30 or so Chasidic Jews quickly surrounded the Cross. People were screaming and writing scrolls, cars were stopped, and the Cross puller, Antwon, was protesting, and He was arguing with the Chasidics -- it was complete pandemonium.
Trapped and frankly terrified He frantically called out to G-d to come to the scene and take Him from Earth. G-d bravely jumped right into the fray, but it was clear sides had already been taken and heels were only being dug deeper into the ground. Nothing He or G-d spake, not His explanation that He was returning the Torah to Kingdom of Heaven, not G-d’s passionate assertion that He was a Jewish educator working to bring Torah to all Jews that didn’t have one, convinced the horde of Chasidic security that He had legitimate reason to have the Torah — that He wasn't indeed stealing it as they clearly believed.)

Seeing as He was already nailed to the Cross, the Chasidics grabbed it, and paraded Him on it around New Israel. After seven hours, they cut His hands off in the manner of one of King Leopold II’s Congo negroes and took the Torah with his hands still gripping it. With this achieved, they imprisoned him in a nearby synagogue for three (3) days. Upon the 3rd day, he broke away from his cell in the synagogue, but was promptly shot in the street by a NYPD officer.)

Thus, the New Testament ended. No, Uncle Tom will not part the cotton field.

[Anonymous No.12676420]

>>12676076
Why make up some dumb religion when the real thing is so interesting?

[Anonymous No.12676774]

>>12676420
no u

[Anonymous No.12676808]

The West is too spiritually confused for an authentic new religion to take off without soon devolving into a cult desu.

I think the best bet is to promote religious syncreticism along with taking ideas from modern science and trusting that something genuine will come from that.

[Anonymous No.12678162]

>>12676076
Christianity but Socrates is the Messiah and Plato's dialogues are the New Testament

[Anonymous No.12678186]

Christianity (Catholicism) but without the old testament and Paul's letters.