Bookstore/library/pleb stories

[Anonymous No.12633290]

Post all of your fake greentexts and best crab leg stories here
>be me
>go to bookstore yesterday
>the newer one that isn't an absolute rats nest of trade paperbacks
>it appears in the last year since i've been they have been trying to catch up to the other rag store
>Wander through the maze and find the literature/straight fiction section
>they have three copies of one day in the life of ivan denisovich
>I don't recognize any of the translators from /lit/
>cheapest copy is all underlined
>move on
>faust 1&2
>underlined
>while I'm browsing the help is having a loud conversation with the owner
>they proceed to shit all over some sci-fi series called outlands
>consider pretending I love the series but keep silently browsing
>helper chick asks "what are we doing with the religion and spirituality section"
>the way she said it was all sarcastic and dramatic
>again consider pretending to be offended
>find a copy of Gargantua and Petagruel
>Underlined in TURQUOISE PEN
>Sigh in disgust
>Tip the help and the cashier
>H-have a nice day!
>leave without buying anything
>Thanks y-you too! from behind me as I close the door

[Anonymous No.12633313]

>awful greentext
>LMAO CRAB LEGS
Back to your retard board, >>>/tv/

[Anonymous No.12633323]

>>12633313
Its awful because the entire thing is true except for tipping. /tv/ isn't the only board that does that joke either for the record reddit, it pops up in /k/ range trip threads along with the brass mines and range trap (who you are clearly to lame to ever bang)

[Anonymous No.12633328]

>>12633323
was it autism?

[Anonymous No.12633362]

>5 years ago at local bookstore
>ask guy who has no thumbs and has worked there for like 20 years since I was a kid if they have Das Kapital
>snooty "Well do you want the German or English? Because it's called Capital in English"
>Know with every fiber of my being if I had walked in and asked for Capital he would have said "well it's usually referred to as Das Kapital"
>Just give me the book man
This was after I had bought a lot of philosophy and literature from them and they failed to order me what was to be my first Gaddis book. Never have gone back. Abebooks, ebay and amazon are better. Fuck em. If I need to feel like a hipster I will go to the crow shop in burlington.

[Anonymous No.12634115]

>Go to bookstore
>It's all Boomercore and WineMom bait
>"Regan: The legacy VI" and "How I do it" by Mrs Obama
>See younger people and head that direction
>It's the anime/hentai section
>Spin on my heel in a random direction
>Wind up in the YA section
>They're selling Mario shirts for some reason
>Pretend I'm just taking a shortcut through
>Find the philosophy section
>It's just Philosophy for dummies and a few "Buy this for the /lit/ bookshelf threads but never read it" editions of just obscure enough texts
>Typical 15 y/o /lit/ poster is pawing a copy of meditations with a floral cover and looking down his nose at me
>War history section is nearby
>Mostly "BUT WHA IF NASIS HA WON" alternative history trash
>See a classics table past the children's section
>Decent cheap paperback of APOTAAAYM and A Turn of the Screw
>Make my way to the register
>Get stuck behind an old man looking at and dropping some sort of fancy rocks in bins
>The 20something acne ridden girl cashier glances at the book with recognitionless eyes but perks up only to tell me about they're great membership whatever
>Say no thank you in what I hope is a firm but polite tone and leave

Oh they also sold records I think

[Anonymous No.12634121]

>>12634115
*Their
FUCK

[Anonymous No.12634131]

Does that really even happen in the book? I thought he was just a mega incel that just loves his sister in a non-incest way

[Anonymous No.12634792]

>be at the library
>grab the memetrilogy and lolita
>go to check out
>qt 8/10 librarian waiting behind the desk
>ofuckofuckofuck
>try to drop lolita onto the floor behind me
>Sir!
>shit fuck
>turn around, 60 year old woman bending over to pick my book up for me
>Here you go young man
>look of disdain on her face
>th-thanks
>approach desk
>hand her pile of books with lolita on the bottom
>she scans them, gets to final book
>pauses, looks up at me
>'Did you at least start with the Greeks?'
>w-what
>'It was a question, y'know, the type you of sentence you respond to with an answer?'
>n-no
>she throws my books at me
>Harold Bloom repels from the skylight in the ceiling
>breaks his hip with an audible snap on the way down but he doesn't even flinch
>'HAHAHAHA PLEB, PATHETIC RESENTER!', he screams up at me from his place on the floor, 'YOU HAVE TO START WITH THE GREEKS AND TRACE SHAKESPEARE'S INFLUENCE THROUGH HOMER! HAMLET! HAMLET!'
>by now everybody's laughing at me
>try to run to the exit, fumbling through my teart blurred vision
>the resurrected body of David Foster Wallace tackles me full speed like the hybrid offspring of a linebacker and a train
>hit the ground next to Harold
>he begins undoing my pants and fucks me in the ass while DFW pisses on my face and recites his This Is Water speech
>the librarian called the roman triumvirate and says they're on their way to brand the pleb mark into my forehead
Every time I try to check out Lolita.

[Anonymous No.12634884]

>>12634792
clap emoji

[Anonymous No.12634981]

>>12634792
Ebin, simbly ebin

[Anonymous No.12635087]

>>12633290
What the fuck do you mean by underlined

[Anonymous No.12635138]

>>12634792
>go to big chain bookstore
>pick up Mein Kampf, Lolita, and The God Delusion
>waiting in line for ages
>light up a stogie
>start loudly chatting up old ladies and families in line next to me
>thumb through the expensive knick-knacks next to the checkout, knocking several onto the floor, and repeatedly tell my fellow line-goers to “look at all this horseshit”
>complain that there are too few cashiers per customer, allege that this is the fault of “kikes”
>finally reach the checkout
>array the books so their covers are all facing up
>toss them onto the counter in a radial formation, all facing directly at the cashier, a slightly overweight girl in her early 20s
>she looks down at them and pauses, her jaw dropping in disbelief as the fuhrer himself stares back up at her
>blow smoke into her face and ask “some kind of problem, toots?”
>she coughs and nervously stutters the name of the book, as if to verify that someone could ever purchase it intentionally
>“yeah” I reply, before placing my index finger on the cover of Lolita, and leaning across to her side of the counter
>“and this one’s about a pedophile”
>her face is now wan with shock and horror
>“oh my god,” she mutters
>“God’s dead, honey”
>everyone around us goes dead silent
>pick up the books and leave without paying
>no one even calls security

[Anonymous No.12635179]

>>12635138
And that man? Albert Einstein

[Anonymous No.12635183]

>>12634131
Fuck no Holden never rapes Phoebe lmao