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/lit/ - Literature

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1263031 No.1263031 [Reply] [Original]

hey /lit/
I never come to this board but i would like a critique of something i wrote today.

i refuse to post it on 4chan so anyone serious about critiquing something of mine send me an email.

thanks

>> No.1263034

Just post it. You're anonymous. What's the worst that can happen.

>> No.1263036

>>1263034
4chan can happen.
Although most of 4chan aren't complete douchebags /b/ does venture outside of /b/. I don't want to deal with it.

>> No.1263037

>>1263036
.............you think anyone cares enough about you to even put the effort into doing anything with your paper?
i/him/they/we don't care.
post it if you want help

>> No.1263040

>>1263037
>inb4 emo/haet
>I don't normally write but something happened and i figured i would try.
The quicksand had me. It was pullin me down. I couldn't hide it. She saw me there sinking deeper and deeper.

The walls were getting wider.

She wanted to help me so bad. She tried. I didn't struggle I let it take me. She saw me go. I didn't want her to help me. I knew she would get sucked In. I knew it would take her too. I wish she didn't see me sink. She stood there. She couldn't leave my side watching me sink. I was no longer there but she was there. Watching a phantom.

I made it out. I had done it. I didn't want to be in the sand anymore. I was safe. But she was still there. She couldn't leave that spot. She stood so close the sand had taken hold of her.

The walls were at their widest.

Just a little bit had touched her foot. Slowly she sank. I had made it out. I watched from outside. The sand pulled her in. I dangled a thread, Please grab it. I couldn't save her. She knew she was being engulfed. I saw it in her eyes. She never reached for the thread. She didnt want to. The sand had her. I failed.

The walls; they were getting smaller again.

I jumped in to get her. No, i can save you. I pulled us to the edge. I rescued her from the sinking sand I thought. I was too late. As we made it to the edge, the last bit of sand escaped through the hole. We squeezed together, through the opening we went. We were so close for that one moment, together, it was bliss. I knew it was false hope. The glass shattered and we fell off of the table.

We fell through.

>> No.1263041

u guise.... im pretty sure i learnt how to time travel

>boadebil Sigmund

>> No.1263042

>>1263040
so generic teenage shit that I almost fell asleep.

>> No.1263043
File: 183 KB, 818x1277, ty2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1263043

>> No.1263044

haha thanks.

your critique was so good i almost jizzed

>> No.1263045
File: 3 KB, 126x124, 1289096388575s.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1263045

>>1263040
fucking terrible.

>> No.1263046
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1263046

>>1263042

>my face when tybrax is so bored she reposts someone else's deleted thread
>i am also this bored

>> No.1263050

CORGI!

>> No.1263055

>>1263044
>>1263042
Umm, tripfag...

>> No.1263116

Gregor Samorakov lay at the foot of a headstone, flattening a loral reef. Someone had been playing tricks on his dick/drunk.

"Ah, it's only you" said the crusty old janitor, drily. "Well are you coming to see her?".
"Yes" said Gregor, in shameful tears.
"Even your mother has begged you to do it, son," he said at last unhurriedly & as if he attached no value to his answer: this could be because his daughter recently got hit by a car & was no longer a beauty or popular, or just because.

Gregor just sat dumbfounded. The lad looked derisively at this glacy janitor; there was even something superercilious in his gaze. Gregor could not help himself. "I'll show you where lazy, spoilt little-girls go!" the senior spat, & gave Gregor a thunderous blow on the cheek.
Gregor suffered the slap without a word, but again slouched back onto the stone & stained his suit-leggings on the bleeding wreath.

"My position, sir, is terrible, Gregor Samorakov, I don't even know how to help myself," he suddenly said firmly & distinctly, with a sigh on the last word. Gregor remained sat on his twin's gravestone.

And then he kissed his hand before stabbing him with a squirt. Gregor's eyes bulged as his runny, dark goo ran out. The Janitor's wife watched from the terrace window as she scrubbed pie marks from a plate, seethingly cleaning-up after Gregor's last meal. "What an awful boy" she tisked.

>> No.1263141

>>1263046
hi. well im still bored :/

>> No.1263264

>>1263040
are they in an hourglass?

>> No.1263473

fuck you

>> No.1264031

>>1263264
no it's a metaphor for jocks opressing me & my girlfriend irl.

hope for ur sake that ur being sarcastic moressei

listen to this song for reference:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh2bonnjv70

>> No.1264036

>I made it out. I had done it. I didn't want to be in the sand anymore. I was safe.
>I didn't want to be in the sand anymore
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA U BAD

>> No.1264041

>>1263040

No offense but it's awfully simplistic.

>> No.1264043

>>1263116
This one's actually pretty good. Is it yours TyBrax or from the original thread?

>> No.1264061
File: 6 KB, 240x160, TyBrax16.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
1264061

>>1264043
i guess so but i was joking/bored.

still cant believe why there's so many aspiring writers on this board. at least the other boards accept their mediocrity.


especially since there's so many /lit/ students here, i mean most great writers were not academic so there's even less chance of them being good. lastly dunno where ppl get the confidence to put out stuff like this (edgy or w/e) in a serious fashion.