Write what's on your mind

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Write what's on your mind Anonymous Fri Feb 1 12:48:16 2019 No.12517659 [Reply] [Original]

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 12:49:07 2019 No.12517667 >>12517659 I want to change, but its the most difficult thing I've ever tried. I want to be better.

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 12:51:06 2019 No.12517672 >>12517667 You can do it. You have the will.

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 12:51:59 2019 No.12517677 >>12517659 The Goonies is a fucking terrible mess of a movie and all the characters in it were dispicable

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 12:53:41 2019 No.12517679 Getting ready to join an Orthodox monastery, fretting a bit about how my mom will fare. Going to leave her a decent amount of money, but her own income doesn't cover rent. Getting her on a waiting list for low income apartments.

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 12:54:44 2019 No.12517685 >>12517679 Which one?

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 12:57:01 2019 No.12517697 >>12517679 >God is love >lmao sorry mom I dont want to work have a nice life

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 12:58:07 2019 No.12517707 >>12517685 Probably not best to post her, don't want their inbox spammed. Most monks don't access to electricity tho, the services use only candlelight

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 13:00:33 2019 No.12517716 >>12517697 Monks work, that's the main source of the monastery funds. They make stuff the church uses like komboskinis, music recording, books, candles, etc

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 13:08:19 2019 No.12517746

Everyone thinks I'm a faggot and the fact that it's impossible for me to get a girlfriend makes this a lot worse. I live in an area where unless you are literally retarded, you must be chad and talk to girls. And really everyone is like that here. At least I think that everyone thinks I am able to get a gf. I am tall, not bald, have a beard, not a big nose, and I'm well bulit and normal. Just can't talk to girls so I only hang out with guys. Someone started a rumour that some guy sucked my dick once and now I think everyone thinks I'm gay and it hurts so much. I am an extreme homophobe ( I don't hate gay people, it's just impossible for me to respect a man with zero dignity) Any books on people with ruined reputations?

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 13:14:34 2019 No.12517780 >>12517746 This happened to many saints, including Nectarios of the 20th Century, who had his reputation destroyed by fellow bishops. This also happens to the protaganist toward the end of Laurus, but for a holy reason as it allows to finally repent.

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 13:45:53 2019 No.12517936

Are americans just the dumbest fucking people on the face of the planet or is their propaganda machine that effective? I cannot imagine how you can allow yourself to be plunged into a decades long offensive war purely for the benefit of the defense industry and oil companies, broadly agree that it was a huge mistake and a disaster, only to immediately turn around and start hooting and squealing to do the same thing in Venezuela. Even the fucking "orange man bad!"-type liberals are frothing at the mouth at the prospect of spreading some Freedom^TM to central america. Venezuela isn't even in central america! These retards couldn't even point out the country they want to invade on a map.

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 13:50:46 2019 No.12517957

I haven't made any friends or met a girl I was into since high school and I'm worried I'm just going to be alone forever. The only people I talk to with any regularity are my thesis advisor and my mother. My best friends are podcasters and twitch streamers. Every time I try to go out and make actual friends I get discouraged and up feeling even lonelier than I was before. I can meet people to do superficial activities with, but those aren't friends they're gym partners or hiking company or whatever. I fear prolonged isolation has caused me to forget how to relate to people on an actually personal level.

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 13:57:23 2019 No.12517995

>>12517659
could it be that my clock that ticks ticks ticks evry second affect my heartrate negatively? and if so: how am i supposed to live without an alarm clock that gets me up in the morning. i mean i recently bought the alarmclock for 3€ in a 1€ shop since its pretty vintage to have something like this and i also like the indigo-transparent v minimalistic design; but it does affect my heartrate though? or does it?

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 14:13:00 2019 No.12518115 >>12517936 go to therapy; seems like you need it and it helps with a lot of things that are wrong in your life

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 14:14:01 2019 No.12518125 my left eye has been twitching for almost three weeks now. i know i should have it looked at but i couldn't afford the treatment if it were something serious so there's really no point having it checked. hopefully i just die in my sleep tonight.

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 14:16:11 2019 No.12518142 I want to lick the salty butthole of this skinny blonde girl in front of me.

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 15:46:43 2019 No.12518689 File: 26 KB, 266x312, rimbaud.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] I read 100 pages of philosophy and wrote 4000 words of prose yesterday.

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 15:56:43 2019 No.12518743

>>12517659
she enters and she smiles
a look in her eyes
eternal devotion

a heartbeat and she swirls
flames behind her hair
shadows consume all

blood streaks across her lips
want her?
or woship her?

is she too young,
or too old?
centuries or seconds?

light fades from my eyes
what did i do wrong?
is she mine?

an eternity in oblivion
will not answer
my wails

questions made in silence
echo in walls of ice
velvet darkness

futile madness

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 20:35:41 2019 No.12520126 It seems like Inherent Vice was fun to write.

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 21:44:33 2019 No.12520459

>stop smoking weed
>do the "early 20s dude trying to get his life on track" shuffle
>read Marx because interested in the concepts of commodity fetishism and alienation
>read Trotsky because interested in the russian revolution
>political awakening occurs
>go from politically illiterate stoner to liberals get the bullet too in the span of 10 months

so this... this is the power of a sober mind...

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 21:51:14 2019 No.12520477 File: 92 KB, 640x640, northam-yearbook-kkk-blackface.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] woah democrats are fucking BASED! lookin good governor northahm!

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 21:53:20 2019 No.12520483 the honest fact that 2/3 of people are sociopaths with no capacity to empathize with someone different from them is kind of fucking terrifying

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 21:55:07 2019 No.12520487

Sucks to know that the artist behind probably my all-time favorite album sold out as soon as they could and ditched everything about their sound that made them remarkable. It's weird, I felt like I had really made a sort of connection, but I listen to all their work past that point many times and nothing ever came close. Now it seems like another one of those strange ties that life throws at you every now and then and never bothers to resolve.

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 21:57:52 2019 No.12520498

>>12517659
Suddenly we find ourselves in our mid twenties, without much to our names and even less under our belts. No money, no songs or poems, no big accomplishments to talk about save for the fact we’ve somehow managed to keep safe from ourselves. Looking at our idols out there who were pretty much already themselves by this age we look inside and aren’t able to grasp much, and the taste of broken childhood dreams is the most obvious thing we bring out. We feel uneasy in a society made for monsters; we are deeply inadequate and carry the curse of having enough awareness to know it. Try as we may, deep down we know it’s not really worth it, but the struggle to fly with our own wings is enough to keep us distracted most of the time. With a deep nested cynicism and a mistrust of everyone around, we make plans for our own deaths and look for jobs and desperately try to make some sense of it all.

Cathy, I'm lost, I said though I knew she was sleeping
And I'm empty and aching and I don't know why

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 22:09:49 2019 No.12520550 >>12517659 big fat anime tiddies

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 22:12:29 2019 No.12520565

>>12520498
that's the problem with the self-esteem movement that advocates all children believe they are special, when they grow and find out they aren't special they're fucking devastated, but they will think they're too good to organize a union in solidarity with other workers so the plan works as planned, and hey, you can always buy some pills from big pharma if you're really depressed about finding out you're average

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 22:24:44 2019 No.12520608

>>12520565
this. to be honest, I'm still in the denial stage and I don't think I'm ever going to come out of it.

I need to be something amazing – not just want, NEED – but I know that I'm not. I doubt myself, second-guess everything. I can't trust myself to do anything, or to hold any consistent belief in mind. Any idea I have faith in I'll eventually grow ashamed or embarassed of but won't be able to throw away because what if it IS the thing that will make me special.

I struggle to focus on a goal, struggle to maintain a plan or hold onto my confidence. The fact of the matter is, I'm nothing special. If anything I'm beneath ordinary. I'm any edgy autist who will spend the rest of his life living beneath his potential, or maybe exactly up to his potential. I'll never be able to settle on which, never know what my potential actually is, never accomplish anything of value and never know whether it's because I can't or because I didn't.

I need a therapist, and I can't even afford one

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 22:26:11 2019 No.12520619 It finally happened. Here, in my backwater third world shithole, I finally met a girl who is into Rupi Kaur. I met a living meme. Death can bring me peace now.

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 22:29:10 2019 No.12520633 anyone else think swimsuits are too lewd? i don't really go to the beach much but whenever i do i always feel overwhelmed at the amount of skin shown

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 22:35:52 2019 No.12520668 >>12520633 >anyone else think swimsuits are too lewd? Only thongs.

>>	Anonymous Fri Feb 1 23:02:24 2019 No.12520784 I'm an exceptionally good writer.

Anonymous Fri Feb 1 23:56:43 2019 No.12520986

>>12517659
As for now I know how to avoid the paranoid
Man I've had it up to here
Gear I wear got 'em goin' in fear
Rhetoric said
Read just a bit ago
Not quittin' though
Signed the hard rhymer
Work to keep from gettin' jerked
Changin' some ways
To way back in the better days
Raw metaphysically bold
Never followed a code
Still dropped a load
Never question what I am God knows
Cause it's comin' from the heart
What I got better get some
(Get on up) hustler of culture
Snakebitten
Been spit in the face
But the rhymes keep fittin'
Respects been givin' how's ya livin'
Now I can't protect a pad off defect
Check the record
An reckon an intentional wreck
Played off as some intellect
Made the call, took the fall
Broke the laws
Not my fault they're fallin' off
Known as fair square
Throughout my years
So I growl at the livin' foul
Black to the bone my home is your home
So welcome to the Terrordome

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:21:21 2019 No.12521055 >>12520986 i forgot how fuckin rad that album is, has a unique sound since its mixed in that weird era between the 80s and 90s where most shit was non-threatening new jack swing shit but foabp went hard

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:25:09 2019 No.12521064 >>12520459 You have just traded one drug for another.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:27:32 2019 No.12521069 >>12520986 did u just hear this in some movie soundtrack or sth? not hatin, but its not often some lil zoomer shithead gonna post some pe

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:29:46 2019 No.12521076

>>12520565
>>12520608
You realize it was no different for the boomers, yeah? The only difference between them and us is for them it was all new. We tread on nostalgia because the novelty of sex, drugs, and rock and roll is long gone. Everything you hate in society now stems from the very people you idolize.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:32:46 2019 No.12521087

>>12521076
for boomers it was cool to drop out and be a hippy tho, the economy was at an all time when boomers where in the their 20s, you could be the biggest fucking up and show up at a factory fill out an application and get a middle class job, now people are obsessed with being special cuz being special is the only way to fucking survive the 21st century

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:36:39 2019 No.12521105

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realize there's not much left
coz I've been blastin and laughin so long, that
even my mama thinks that my mind is gone
but I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it
me be treated like a punk you know that's unheard of
you better watch how you're talking, and where you're walking
or you and your homies might be lined in chalk
I really hate to trip but i gotta, loc
As I Grow I see myself in the pistol smoke, fool
I'm the kinda G the little homies wanna be like
on my knees in the night, saying prayers in the streetlight.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:38:32 2019 No.12521111

>>12521087
Right. That's what the boomers did. They partied and slacked off and traded our traditions and industry for acid and sex, justifying it all in the name of liberation and equality. What you blame capitalism for doing is actually the result of the destruction of faith and community perpetrated by the boomers in their futile attacks at work and responsibility.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:39:35 2019 No.12521120 >>12517667 You have to start with the little things, trying to do a 180 will only hurt you, real change happens day by day over years. You will get there, set small goals and don't let them stress you out.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:53:34 2019 No.12521162 i should be writing code but im such a lazy fuck fml

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:56:56 2019 No.12521174 >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QoVkQkwXuY lol

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 00:57:49 2019 No.12521177 >>12517659 Andrea, Rest in peace, but you were a bit of a cunt in high school.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 01:33:10 2019 No.12521286 >>12517679 This frankly sounds quite selfish anon

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 01:44:39 2019 No.12521306

Every day, I am further convinced of the truth of fascism as an ideal political praxis. I'm an ex-communist and things have gone too far for even me. There are just too many coincidences to ignore; there is a purposeful subversive conspiracy to undermine everything that is good in the world. Every once in a while you can see the edges of the deception fading, but it is quickly covered up. The truth is buried every single day and people are led to believe ever more convoluted lies. The only chance of survival that people have is to band together and repel the liars and parasites from their homelands.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 01:46:00 2019 No.12521309 Australia is too damn hot. God made a mistake putting this island here.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 02:02:52 2019 No.12521334

Feeling pretty good. I landed my first $100K+ job which I've been working at for a few weeks. Besides being more money than I've ever earned before I feel somewhat validated in my life choices. Plus I just started seeing this new girl which is nice too. Things are looking up!

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 03:20:05 2019 No.12521517 >>12518743 thanks anon

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 05:49:31 2019 No.12521878 Leaving my city on the coast to live and work on a farm is the best decision I ever made

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 05:56:45 2019 No.12521892

>>12517659
I have an intense fear of going insane (OCD), losing my mind, dementophobia. So I have random moments throughout the day where I dissociate. How the fuck do I beat the fear reaction to dissociation?!!? I do not mind disocciating, I want to get rid of the fear reaction though.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 07:59:18 2019 No.12522243

>>12517667
You're torn between two worlds. You want to change, but at the same time somewhere within you is okay with staying where you are. It's only when you are completely done being wherever you are and it's utterly unacceptable to you, only then the conditions are met and you naturally change into whatever gives you life

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 08:01:22 2019 No.12522249
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>>12517659
I'm asexual and happy. My girlfriend is asexual too but she says she wants to experiment. I really don't. In fact, I'd prefer if we were friends. I don't see the need to call us a 'relationship'. I value her friendship a lot but I'm simply not attracted to women and certainly don't want to fuck her.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 08:02:01 2019 No.12522251 >>12521892 Go see a psychiatrist, OCD is a condition where drugs can actually help

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 08:37:34 2019 No.12522368

>>12517659
Just met a 91 yo jew that lived through fascist Italy.
It's the first I've ever met, the only remarkable thing about him was his memory and the fact he's an outspoken socialist that always carries a list of deported children to read aloud when he meets negationists.
He didn't try to sound like a victim, nor he accused anyone, if anything he showed pride and maybe some remorse.
I wasn't particularly moved but I had a good impression of him.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:10:30 2019 No.12522518 >>12522243 cringe

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:11:58 2019 No.12522524 >>12522249 Nigga, you gay

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:13:45 2019 No.12522532 >>12522524 No, I'm asexual

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:24:46 2019 No.12522573 >>12522532 But that's not a real thing

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:29:24 2019 No.12522589
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I still haven't grown used to people being kind and generous towards me. I try to express gratitude but always feel as if it sounds fake; The whole situation is still so surreal to me.

Little by little my egotism, selfishness and bitterness are being chipped away along with the ideas of "me against the world" and "can't trust no one" that were instilled due to bad experiences during my formative years.

All in all I've felt more gratitude during these last few months than in all previous years of my life combined.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:37:17 2019 No.12522616

>>12522249
based

>>12522573
I don't understand why people on this site are so incredulous that out of the seven BILLION people on the planet some are asexual or trans or whatever. You'd have to be completely retarded to think at those numbers there aren't going to be significant populations that don't fit into your meme classifications of sexuality and gender.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:37:51 2019 No.12522620

I'm so angry at this dude I know. Him and a couple other friends were invited to my gf's place yesterday. I arrived way late and considered not even showing up because of him. When I got there, he was super drunk (no one else had been drinking) and spouted nothing but bullshit. He kept making the others feel uncomfortable and intruded on their business. I'm still so fed up I'm considering taking the day off work today so I can relax at home and try to forget about him. Sometimes I really do wonder why I waste my time with people like him.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:39:15 2019 No.12522623 >>12522251 I aint putting that shit inside me. NAC + CBD + a good diet + self-ERP have worked wonders for me. I just wish to defeat my fear reaction to dissociative moments.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:41:52 2019 No.12522635 >>12522620 Should have thrown him out.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:47:45 2019 No.12522658 >>12522623 Just trying to help, I have some form of OCD too and antidepressants have worked wonders for me. Don't be so quick to dismiss them. There is a lot of disinformation out there. Good luck

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:49:02 2019 No.12522664 >>12522623 (maybe still seeing a therapist could help you; psychotherapy doesnt necessary have to include medication and still helps dealing with the angst you've described)

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:49:38 2019 No.12522669
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>>12522616
No one doubts that there are trans/ace people out there it's just that the numbers are so conflated and it's more of a lifestyle identity at this point than just a description. I'm sympathetic to both but it's getting ridiculous and obviously astroturfed at this point

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:51:45 2019 No.12522676

>>12522635
When my gf asked why I was being late I told her it was because of the dude and that I don't feel like coming. She convinced me to come anyway, and I actually asked if she could throw him out before I do. Though at that point I guess she wasn't as annoyed with him as I was and felt it'd be weird if she just excluded one person from the group whilst everyone else was welcome to stay. My mood dampened as soon as I knew he was invited, anyway.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 09:59:38 2019 No.12522700
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Sleep is my new mastery
Innocent witness, as capable as a child
Futile struggle with the hands of the master
An actor as good as Wisseau
"Oh hi Mark", but no "oh", no "hi", no "Mark"
A movie in the cavern, like in the myth
In love of superficial images
Scared of nightlike abyss
Clock is ticking, youth's running away
What is there to enjoy if she's not there?
I will talk to her.

lol my first... what should i call this? well it's fun. wanna get better

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 10:07:01 2019 No.12522730 >>12517746 You deserve it.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 10:17:23 2019 No.12522769 File: 182 KB, 845x821, Blåeldspräst.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12517659 Does my drawing have potential?

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 10:19:14 2019 No.12522774 >>12522769 Yes

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 10:20:08 2019 No.12522781 >>12522769 No

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 10:21:01 2019 No.12522785 >>12522774 Great, guess I'll keep on doing it >>12522781 Oh okay, guess I wont keep doing it

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 10:33:00 2019 No.12522829

>feeling kinda bad today, thinking of calling in sick for work
>been getting better to the point where I can suck it up and go
>just found out we're gonna have to work overtime today but no one knows how much

Fug. If it's two hours or so sure I'd go. But it may be that it's another 7 hour shift. What do bros

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 10:36:28 2019 No.12522848 >>12522769 Maybe

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 10:46:15 2019 No.12522912 >>12522664 Might be, I will look into it, definitely.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 10:57:39 2019 No.12522962 There are numerous "drag queen" programs on television, both corporate and public. Why? One day they will push too far

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 11:01:48 2019 No.12522981 File: 36 KB, 628x640, 1549121508488.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12522962 They're the new in vogue minority. Safe and entertaining troubadours for coastal liberals. They creep me out with how grotesque and clown like they are.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 11:04:00 2019 No.12522991 >>12522981 by God there will be a Reckoning and there will be no shirking

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 11:04:15 2019 No.12522993

There's a girl I am interested in (and who seems to be interested in me), but I suppose I am afraid of making an approach for two main reasons: firstly, fear of ridicule because she is both younger (I am 25, she is 18) and hangs out in a completely different social setting (ie. teenage nerds and outcasts), and secondly, because while she is cute and all she isn't that attractive in the end.

So I suppose the real question is whether I am actually interested in her or not. I have to admit that I am rather lonely, I moved to a little town two years ago to study and there haven't been many available and desirable women in my own social environment. I am also moving away in a few months back home to a bigger city where I know people etc., and I have no doubts about my ability with regard to women there, as there will be many more possibilities. I see two options here: make a straight approach (ie. friend her and chat on Facebook) or just suck it up and wait for someone else. And now that I have written this I seem to be inclining towards patience. But she is small and cute with a mature presence and similar interests (she's a weeaboo, I was a weeaboo, maybe this is the thing that's driving the attraction? I had next to no action in my teenage years), and in the end what would it actually matter if I just messaged her and found out if she's interested or not? I doubt there would be any particular social stigma (plus my mental fortitude can easily handle anything like that, not that it would be pleasant in any way), and if it works out it works out.

Maybe there's also some subconscious awareness of the fact that I would be able to have her very easily, and then I would just dump her after moving away, and that that is most likely not something I honestly want (I am somewhat traditional when it comes to moral issues, though I am not against one night stands or the like).

And now my thoughts are actually proceeding along the lines that the right thing to do would be to wait for someone of my own caliber (w/r/t looks and all), but also why not see what happens with this girl? Just messaging isn't the same as committing to marriage.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 11:05:47 2019 No.12522999 >>12522981 that shit eating grin. i'd like to curb stomp that catholic bastard

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 11:06:54 2019 No.12523005 >>12522999 repent, faggot

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 11:19:05 2019 No.12523063 >>12522730 meh, it's not so bad.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 11:20:57 2019 No.12523076

>>12517936
>how you can allow yourself
The majority of citizens don't want to be at war. Not like we have a say. God damn you're insufferable.
>>12518125
You don't need a doctor, it's a result of muscle overstimulation. Lay off the internet, books, etc and rest your eyes for two days, also stop drinking caffeine for a while. It should go away.
>the state of /lit/ -- can't fucking google so uses 4chan as a blogpost
I don't know why I still come here. I'm so disgusted I'm not going to post my own after all.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 12:14:02 2019 No.12523394 >>12523076 You absolutely have a say, take to the streets like those people in France and start wrecking shit. You guys are so fucking passive, your government stops paying its employees and you KEEP GOING TO WORK instead of causing mass civil unrest?

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 12:36:39 2019 No.12523565 File: 278 KB, 698x871, 1548446543381.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12522999

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 13:02:55 2019 No.12523719

I'm starting to see a change in how my free time gets spent. Usually I'd play a game for a couple of hours, but recently (past several months) I've been changing my "entertainment" with reading and writing instead. Don't know how to feel about this, I like being productive and disconnecting myself from these past "childish" hobbies.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 15:18:36 2019 No.12524547 >Write what's on your mind "Shit. That alien is kinda creepy" >>12523719 Good for you!

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 17:11:53 2019 No.12525168 >>12522518 >cringe a word that no longer holds any meaning I only wrote about my own honest experience

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 17:33:28 2019 No.12525340 File: 170 KB, 1038x700, welcome-to-the-nhk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] i'm old. i wasted my younger years playing video games when i should have been going to parties

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 18:59:50 2019 No.12525720 >>12520459 give it another 10 months, you will look back and cringe (if you are intelligent enough)

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:05:35 2019 No.12525746

>mfw democrat governor ralph "coonman" northam was asked by a reporter if he could still do the moonwalk like when he won a blackface competition in texas by impersonating michael jackson and the democratic governor started looking to see if there was enough space but his wife said he only does that in appropriate settings

ohhh god my sides, i was like "he's gonna do it! he's gonna fuckin do it! !" lmaaooooo

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:09:06 2019 No.12525764

>>12525340
i stopped playing video games and started going to a lot of parties when i was like 15 until 19, it wasn't that fun, i got in a lot of trouble, had some shitty cringey drunk sex with thots, and it basically ruined any chance i had of elite academic performance in my life, absolutely horrible decision, i wish i had stayed home playing rpgs on my computer, the only good thing about those years was doing lsd, that is an absolutely amazing experience, and sadly due to prohibition the only way to get access to lsd is through the criminal milieu

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:14:39 2019 No.12525786

>>12517659
Sometimes when it all comes crashing down and I need some comfort I tell myself that I am alive, and then I think about time. But not time as you and I know it, I mean time. All of it. Look. Look at the word. Look at the word again: TIME. I mean all of it. Everything that ever has and ever will; behind and beyond, ever. Is never-ending. Are you getting a sense? And then I think to myself again, that I am alive. I am alive right now, In this time, I am alive. The rest of the time I am not, and now I am. I am alive.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:15:32 2019 No.12525790 >>12525764 sounds like youre still a faggot

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:16:44 2019 No.12525797 >>12525790 edgy, let us know when you finally get laid

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:16:58 2019 No.12525800 >>12525340 I had the same thought when I was younger. Even went to a therapist with the mission statement that I didn't want to be NEET loner, in so many words. Still didn't manage to do anything.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:19:19 2019 No.12525815 >>12518689 You, you, you! IT'S ALL EVER ABOUT YOU!

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:23:45 2019 No.12525839
File: 89 KB, 560x622, wait in the car simone.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

i'm trying to pick up smoking. after a cigarette i feel ill and lightheaded, but then as that starts going away i suddenly begin to feel a little splendid, a bit like recovering from a cold all at once. but i doubt if that's the general appeal
wbu

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:24:10 2019 No.12525843 File: 27 KB, 266x312, 1549054003726.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12525815 I read 75 pages of philosophy and watched 4 films yesterday. I also wrote a short little poem.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:24:48 2019 No.12525847 >>12525800 just get a fucking accounting degree, get your cpa, by then women your age will be nearing 30 and getting desperate, betabux a thot, and start a family, boom, american dream achieved, so fucking simple

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:29:14 2019 No.12525871

>>12525839
ha ha so all the cigarettes placements in movies and author's photo is working! never should have sold my philip morris stock, i thought vape would kill them, but apparently they're still in the game! considering the have literally a 100 years of content marketing in every movie and publicity photo from the 20th century wannabe artsy fags will still be lighting up for decades to come

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:31:56 2019 No.12525881

I used to be the life of the party but now somehow I have turned into the vacuum. I used to spark up conversations with strangers effortlessly which would lead to surefire and strong connections but now I just sit in my room and fear the possibility of real engagement. What has happened?

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:33:25 2019 No.12525886 Thomas Love Peacock, Seamen Three Heh...

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:33:43 2019 No.12525889 it's super quiet rn it seems like all my roommates are gone, but as soon as i whip it out and get in a couple strokes someone will start coughing or walking around, just wait, im sure ill be posting about how i got fapblocked in a couple minutes

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:33:49 2019 No.12525891 >>12525871 i just thought it'd be fun

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:33:56 2019 No.12525893 >>12525843 OH, OH, OH, LOOK AT ME! I DID THIS AND DID THAT AND NOW I CAN TELL YOU THAT I DID IT! OH, LA LA LA LA LA. LOOK AT ME.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:34:51 2019 No.12525897 >>12525843 let's see

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:37:32 2019 No.12525922

>>12525891
Some people really fascinate me. You know? Some people are just really so fascinating to me. These kinds of people, and you my friend are one of them, are so unbelievably stupid and dumb that their stupidity and dumbness could power a small work mill with the aid of a good donkey. You are so dumb.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:38:20 2019 No.12525928 >>12525922 you make me so mad

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:39:10 2019 No.12525931

>>12525891
i used to smoke, the best part of it is for networking, because you build rapport with all the smokers huddled out on the fire escape in the cold puffing away, it will definitely help your career in a way that drinking tons of coffee or something won't, on the other hand it's expensive, and will raise your insurance premiums. probably not worth it.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:40:19 2019 No.12525936

>>12525340
Yeah well guess what. You old man. Stop being so damn old. Yeah! That's right! You heard me! Stop being so damn old you old fart. Get your ass up. Go on, up! Get up and do something. Catch up with them youngens. They don't have the same experience as you! Get a little ahead, and a little more next time. You old fuck!

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:40:41 2019 No.12525938 >>12517746 Why do idiots like you exist?

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:43:38 2019 No.12525958

>>12522993
Look pal. You're not Kevin Spacey are you? You aren't going out there touching little boys, are you? No! No you're absolutely not! This woman is perfectly legal in the eyes of the law. You can do whatever you want! Who the fuck cares what other people think! Get yourself some, life is short.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:44:13 2019 No.12525960 >>12525931 well i live in england we have the nhs (for the time being) & £11 for 20 isn't very much

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:44:45 2019 No.12525964 >>12521334 You sound good!

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:47:40 2019 No.12525978

>>12525928
Yeah well guess what, buddy. You are the dumbest thing that has ever happened ever in the history of the world. You are beyond the point of no return. Un-intelligentsia. Stupidest winner of the stupid contest. World champion record breaking stupid. You are just SO dumb

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:48:32 2019 No.12525982 [DELETED]

>>12525960
>£11 for 20 isn't very much

are you fuckin insane bro? when i used to smoke cigarettes where like 5 bucks a pack max, once they started putting insane taxes on it i was like "nope" and quit, hey i guess those economists who say if you want less of something in society tax it were right

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:49:42 2019 No.12525989 >>12525982 dude you were getting ripped the fuck off. ciggies and durries where im from costa ya. I tell ya. Fucken yonks

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:50:03 2019 No.12525992

>>12517659
I thought about killing myself today. Wanted to buy a rope and hang myself in the forest. (Un-)Fortunately the local hardware store was already closed, so I just drove to the forest to take a walk. My mood got a bit better as the day went on.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:50:23 2019 No.12525995 >>12525960 eh, well go for it if you want, but i think the general consensus will be that starting a tobacco habit in 2019 is not a wise life choice

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:51:35 2019 No.12526000

>>12525992

No matter how bad your shit is the fact that you are alive right now is the only chance that you'll ever have at being it so why don't you forget about the rope as you'll have more time then you can ever imagine not being alive. This is short. Don't be a pussy

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:53:21 2019 No.12526008 >>12525995 Mehmehmehmehmeh. Look at me. General consensus. Tobacco habit. Mehmehmeh. I am a proper person who properly knows proper proper.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:53:39 2019 No.12526011 >>12525889 ha ha ! i knew it! instead of fapping i decided to shitpost some more, and sure enough i just heard somebody making noise, hah, instead i shall just drink a coffee and then drop a nice stinky shit

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:54:44 2019 No.12526017 >>12526011 Dude, you know to really grow up cause some of the stuff that you're saying is making no sense

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:56:11 2019 No.12526021 >>12517957 Hey! Your comment seems lonely, here I am replying! I propose you have intimate relations with someone... perhaps you should lay on top of a lady .. for 5-6 minutes

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:56:17 2019 No.12526022 >>12526017 what

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:56:25 2019 No.12526023 >>12526000 >the fact that you are alive right now is the only chance that you'll ever have at being you can't know that

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:57:35 2019 No.12526029

>>12517957
>My best friends are podcasters and twitch streamers.

stop listening to chapo trap house, their goal is to make you so miserable and pessimistic that you will be willing to throw away your life away fighting for leftism, not to make you feel good about life

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:57:40 2019 No.12526031 >>12517746 Become a priest. >>12522730 >>12525938 Sodomites are not welcomed here.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 19:58:18 2019 No.12526033 >>12525995 it'll give me something to do

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:00:24 2019 No.12526040 >>12525340 trust e clubs are gross, bars are gross, nobody wants to do that. being on the internet and chilling is way better than going out

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:04:38 2019 No.12526055 >>12526031 >Sodomites are not welcomed here. Sodomites probably make up 80% of the people who post here.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:14:17 2019 No.12526081
File: 166 KB, 800x800, patch_burzum-varg_vikernes-burning_church-art-01-800x800.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Listened to an interview with a semi conservative Presbyterian priest. I forgot how much I loathe religious professionals. They are more smarmy than a late night talk show host, they have the ego to think that their presence in a situation is actually helpful, and people actually trust and listen to them. Nietzche was right about priests being utterly weak, spinless, effeminate men who have no other way to exert themselves except through the most cunning manipulations. I won't ever shake hands or give them the time of day again. They are lower than the degenerates who wear bondage gear to pride parades. Goddamn

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:15:14 2019 No.12526084

>>12517659
English is not my first language, so I might not use the right vocabulary and I'm not really good at writing, so please bear with me

I hate waking up in the morning, more like, I hate waking up in general. Waking up for me means that all the pretty and joyful things I just lived were but a dream, that I am still alive, and that I have to see the faces of the same people that I can barely pretend to care for.
It's hard getting up too, I usually fumble around in my sheets while gathering the strenght to move, or finding a reason to get up. Usually my reason to get up comes from my alarm going off, and me not being able to handle the obnoxious, annoying, happy and soothing tune it uses, but even then, somedays I just let it ring, I let that horrible melody pester my ears until it stops, just because I really don't care, sometimes not even hunger is enough to get me out of bed, even when I have plenty to look forward to in a breakfast, such as cereals, tea, coffee, and enough ingredients to make myself a filling and tasty sandwich that I can't seem to enjoy, no matter how fresh the bread is.
It's just that, I like the comfort of my bed, being alone, pretending I'm the only being that exists, not having to talk to anyone, it's such a comforting peace, I let it run through my body for a few minutes, even hours if I don't have anywhere to be, until my thoughts start to bother me again, reminding me of one thing: I have no purpose to live for, I have no reason to go on, and I'm tired of trying.
I've been holding down a job for the last two years since I moved out of my parents house, on top of that, I've been going to a gym near my house for a around 6 months, never skipping a day; I don't smoke, drink, or use any kind of drugs; I drink water exclusively, I barely eat any kind of junk food, I keep my enviorement clean and make sure to keep a good sense of fashion and hygiene, I'm everything someone wishes to be, yet I don't feel acomplished at all. I've failed to find joy and passion in everything I've tried, poetry, writing, music, movies, fitness, to name a few, even "dirty" pleasures, such as pornography or drugs don't entertain me, it's gotten to a point where I wonder just who I am, and why I'm so unhappy and a question that has been bothering me since I was a teenager, "Why do I feel guilty about wanting to die?"

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:20:11 2019 No.12526106 >>12522769 I don't know

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:25:39 2019 No.12526124 the ironic thing is i feel like a lot of peoples problems in this thread could be solved by actually reading books (& especially poems)

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:26:32 2019 No.12526129

>>12517746
Go somewhere else, fuck them. There is no reason to put up with an area where everyone is an asshole. I've traveled this whole country on very little money. You can find quick easy work in tourist areas because they are used to transient, seasonal population fluctuations, like Yellowstone, Grand Canyon, any place that tourism is the primary economy. Find a place you like, spend some time there getting yourself together and figuring out the next plan. Live as cheaply as possible, perhaps even camping, and save for next plan implementation while sorting yourself internally.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:40:22 2019 No.12526176 >>12522669 >maybe we can stop school shooters if we feminize them I'm fucking speechless Maybe hitlet had a point

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:40:51 2019 No.12526177 Prose feels unpure Verse feels unreal I'm really unsure what's lit's big deal

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:44:13 2019 No.12526197 >>12526177 Take that cock out of your ass Be more of a lad and less of a lass

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:46:03 2019 No.12526206 File: 400 KB, 557x777, 1548988390821.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12526176 Yeah, that was a real "mask off" moment

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:51:49 2019 No.12526224

>>12526084
I struggle with the same thing; I really hate getting out of bed. It's one of the hardest things for me. I've already missed a couple of days of work this month from oversleeping. It's like sleep is the only time I can just exist in contentment. I love dreams especially, I always feel so free and unencumbered. No problems or worries, just whatever my brain has cooked up for me that night (have you ever had a boring dream?). I love being cozy and sleepy

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 20:55:25 2019 No.12526236 >>12526040 Sure chilling on the internet is better than the two examples you provided, but going out and spending time with people doing something you enjoy is a much better experience than spending time online.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:19:12 2019 No.12526374 >>12526224 Sometimes I feel like writing short stories or a novel about these very feelings or depression and dread, but I'm not confident on my writing skills, I'm sure some would turn out fine to.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:24:40 2019 No.12526396 >>12526206 >inability to rationality

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:28:34 2019 No.12526417

I had cognitive testing done and the results made me angry when they should have made me feel good. I no longer have a point of reference for myself, it's corny but I don't know who I am anymore. I used to be able to describe myself very well but now I feel like my introspection has gone too far and I broke something. I lied to myself for too long and sabotaged everything. What kind of an asshole cares about cognitive testing anyway? I'm insufferable and I don't know how anyone can stand me.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:37:49 2019 No.12526458 its my birthday and no one knows

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:39:12 2019 No.12526468 standing on the bower edge leafgreens far below sunclad field of brushwood crowns agapē

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:39:56 2019 No.12526472 >>12526417 ">tfw only +2 SD IQ when you had thought you were +3" +3 here, catch ya later

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:41:34 2019 No.12526479 File: 45 KB, 313x500, 1542843638547.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12526458 Happy Birthday, anon! Blow a candlle and make a wish!

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:45:05 2019 No.12526495 >>12526417 welcome ego death and stop trying to think your way of hypothetical problems.

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:54:37 2019 No.12526544

>>12526472
The opposite, I always thought I was retarded but I'm +3. Everything is wasted on me though because I will probably drink myself to death without doing anything like most of the "smart" people in my family.
>>12526495
>Tfw almost achieved ego death once but not quite
Maybe you're right anon

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:58:00 2019 No.12526556 How am I supposed to learn all these other languages when at the quarter point of my life I still only have a glancing familiarity with English.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 21:58:37 2019 No.12526561 >>12526124 Ive read Naussbaum citing a guy who said poetry cured his early 20s depression. Any suggestion? I like Rimbaud, Verlain, Baudelaire.

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 22:07:05 2019 No.12526592 >>12526561 homer cured my depression but i don't know if thats the kind of poem he was talking about

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 22:28:31 2019 No.12526695

Not a burger so I live in a society that still has a class structure and happen to luckily be quite near the top, socially, not really economically.
I met some chick at a party who dressed and acted trashy but was hot, and we ended up screwing.
I thought literally nothing of it the next morning, left my phone number on her nightstand and went to get some breakfast, and called my friend to brag to her about a successful night. Through a few details my friend figured out who this was I had slept with and said something along the lines of "dude, that's X, she's friends with Y, went to school with Z and her parents are from A." I was shocked by how immediately my perception of this girl totally shifted: once I realized she was a part of my circle and her trashiness was just a rebellious pose (a sadly common phenomenon) she was humanized for me, I thought of calling her up, I felt bad for having treated her like a slut, thought I could ask her for coffee later and chat. What was most shocking is realizing that all of this wasn't true before, she was barely a person to me before I realized her status, she was just some slut I could fuck and toss aside.
I feel like an absolute shit person, but what can I do? I believe in class distinctions but not to the point of dehumanizing others, and yet I've realized that is precisely what I do. I don't how to tackle this mindset. Any books about this?

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 22:32:19 2019 No.12526721
File: 1.12 MB, 1328x669, 1541611216080.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

i havent had sex in a very long time. i am very 'sexually frustrated.' couple months ago i tried my hand at flirting w/ a cashier at a burger joint during lunch break. i just couldn't take it anymore
>still hungry?
>very
>*she laughs*
>lemme get a vanilla shake
>she punches it in
>this is where time starts to slow down and that strange uncanny feeling you get when you're about to talk --- and i mean really talk --- to a girl ignites in your chest
>and uh, you'll have to excuse me for asking this but
>i turned away saying that part but now i was staring right at her
>are you on the menu? i said it slow and deliberate. i think i even leaned in a little
>she had a blank look then smiled a bit and said nooo im not on the menu...
>oh you're not huh. ok
>we both stand there in grinning
>obviously we're imagining things

and there was that moment where she exhaled "god" in that particular way, and bent over the counter (still grinning)

>she laughs and says you're funny you know that

i didn't push it. because i can't handle talking to women and "sealing the deal" but look here, i shit you not, i walked away from that exchange feeling -- literally, psychosomatically, physically feeling -- like i just had sex. GOOD sex. I was *sexually satisfied* from talking to this girl i don't even know like that. i don't even feel that way after touching my pensi. it felt like an orgasm without even orgasming and for the rest of the fucking WEEK i was utterly relaxed. i got to thinking. just how many millennial men out there are like me, and how fucking repressed are we, and how much are we craving a reciprocal exchange of affectation from women. "dating," approaching women, trying to be good enough for women, etc in america is such bullshit, such exhausting bullshit. things in america are never simple

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 22:39:17 2019 No.12526759 >>12526695 where do you live?

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 22:45:21 2019 No.12526788 >>12526759 Latin America, not getting any more specific

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 22:51:11 2019 No.12526826 >>12526788 i could tell it'd be somewhere third world

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 23:25:53 2019 No.12527019 >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U5LWokfRHY this came out the same year i moved into my current place, already 4 years gone, ugh, how did i get stuck in this lotus eating? need some catalyst to get me unstuck so i can move on to better things

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 23:25:55 2019 No.12527021 >>12526721 you sound like my dad bro

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 23:26:55 2019 No.12527025 >>12527019 damn the amount of time i've been here is the entire length of an undergrad degree, which feels like forever, but it went by like nothing

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 23:27:58 2019 No.12527033 >>12527021 how did ur dad knock up ur mom if he's like that

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 23:29:26 2019 No.12527041 >>12527033 i think he means your jokes >are you on the menu https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqsTmF2Oicc

Anonymous Sat Feb 2 23:30:22 2019 No.12527048

>>12527025
i had some good momentum for a year or two, got a nice increase in pay at work, some solid side gigs, but now i'm getting less work from my main job and the side gigs dried up, meanwhile my neighborhood is getting fucking gentrified to death...this is unsustainable

>>	Anonymous Sat Feb 2 23:43:49 2019 No.12527104 >>12518743 Dillon

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 03:23:49 2019 No.12528023 >>12526029 >throwing your life away for leftism >implies humans have mechanical thought process >reddit spacing go back to plebbit you alt right stemfag.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 03:34:25 2019 No.12528057 >>12526029 >chapo >not cum town my man be gay or something

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 04:57:39 2019 No.12528276 >>12525938 What are you trying to say?

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 04:59:30 2019 No.12528285 >>12517659 Piss. Where tf are the mods? Also Heidegger's characterization of Being-towards-death as a perpetual “not-yet” until death has me spooked.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 05:05:44 2019 No.12528304

>>12526129
I can't leave my town, my parents and the house they've put in work for the last 30 years are here. And I don't want to move somewhere else because I have a nice little business that keeps me from having to move and that's why I love it. I don't really care about my reputation right now, sure I hated being looked at as a gay man but right now I don't really care as I've found bigger problems to worry about. The only thing that sucks about this is that I won't be able to get a wife because of my shit reputation but I guess that's when I'll move, when I'll try and search for love.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 05:09:30 2019 No.12528320 >>12522251 Been taking ocd drugs for 2 years because I couldn't stop thinking about yawning, which therefore makes me yawn. Still yawning every 2 minutes these drugs don't do jack shit.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 05:09:51 2019 No.12528322

I need to go get some fresh air, the hot stuffy air of my room is giving me a headache. But I don’t go and do so, instead writing about the need to go and do so. I do this by thinking thoughts, and then dwell upon them, expanding them via internal monologue. Then, once spoken in my head, recorded, in a reflexive, unconsidered way. Thoughts, words recorded, then thoughts on the recorded words. Recursive, in that it is circular, without real deviation or resolution. That is, coincidentally, how depression works. I don’t have depression, but I relate to it. Not people with it, depression in itself, in that it is utterly despised by those who know it, an unhelpful leech that drains without return. Which isn’t really totally true. About depression. Depressed people are happy sometimes, manically so. If depression is a circle, then I am like the lower half of it, a half cycle from unfeeling to despair, back to unfeeling and back down again. No happiness. A half circle, even the shape itself, speaking totally unmetaphorically, is much less satisfying that the whole. It is not even half as satisfying. It hangs there, looking like a shitty cartoon grin, reminiscent of shitty powerpoint graphs and graphics. In a lame duck colour like cyan or something. Cyan was the colour of my Spartan in Halo 2 Multiplayer.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 05:10:20 2019 No.12528326

>>12521306
Mate, that sounds more like schizo, gang-stalking, talk than an actual valid political opinion.
Here's a tip, anon:
Go to the therapist or equivalent (if you can afford it)
and if your reaction to that idea is: The therapist will only want to lull me back into being another sheep.
THEN you know you are actually mentally ill and should take therapy even more so.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 05:11:18 2019 No.12528331 >>12517659 i wanna read more books but i feel like it's already too late for me

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 05:22:57 2019 No.12528380 >>12526374 Nobody's born confident in any skill, man. If you don't feel confident in it, just show it to nobody. Keep doing it (a fuck load), you'll naturally get better

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 06:00:43 2019 No.12528497 Tylenol PM Shitpost before I drift off Chicken nugget farts

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 08:25:29 2019 No.12528852

>>12517679
Hey man,

I'm not exactly what you would call a Christian but I do have a fair bit of respect for those that choose the Orthodox Christian monastic life, even if only as one destination on their journey of life.

What I will say is don't neglect your mother. I speak with experience when I say that there are few things in life so soul destroying as not taking proper care of your mother as she gets older.

I'm not saying to give up on your goal of joining a monastery, if anything I advocate for this kind of thing despite my general secular skepticism. There is mush wisdom and spiritual development to be had through the Christian monastic practice that few other avenues of life can provide. But, at the very least, before you commit to the monastic life make sure your mother is taken care of financially, medically and in any other way that might be relevant to any particular circumstance, to a point where you yourself have no doubts about whether she is being taken care for properly, as that will only hamper your own spiritual aspirations.

If you can rest easy and devote yourself to your calling without worldly worries, then your mother can rest easy that she is not burdening you to sacrifice you living the life she gifted you for her sake.

If that makes sense.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 11:14:12 2019 No.12529358 File: 221 KB, 744x945, 1549066980694.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12528326 I don't think that the problem is me anon

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 11:20:39 2019 No.12529379 >>12528331 Did you forget how to read?

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 11:34:14 2019 No.12529425 The Svalbard Treaty is the worst thing that has happened ever.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 11:41:38 2019 No.12529453

Feel really surreal these days. It's very similar to what Satre was trying to describe through the bus bench scene. Everything seems like it's a dream. I suppose it's a pretty common predicament, enough for writers like Camus to spend much of their lives writing about it. Anyway, how can I stop

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 11:51:27 2019 No.12529505 >>12518743 >or woship her

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 13:41:36 2019 No.12530066
File: 138 KB, 960x600, hanako.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I have to say I'm in an odd mental state right now.

Yesterday I downloaded Katawa Shoujo. Initially I was just looking for a fap and felt like something a bit more involved the the regular ol' internet porn. I played Emi's and Shizune's arc before so I had some expectation.

But man. Fuck. As played more and more, the story started reflecting elements in my own life, even if it required some degree of creative or selective interpretation. I could relate to the three main character on different levels due to recent life experiences. The worst I guess is the main love interest: Hanako. I think I fell in love with a non-existent fictitious character. Like one of those waifu faggots.

But I mean like non sexual love, which, honestly, I don't understand that well. As I progressed through the story my desire to fap started to quickly fade. I started becoming obsessed with the well-being of Hanako. Even though it is just some game made by fellow 4chan autists. Hanako doesn't even exist, she isn't real. Yet when she started smiling, I can't get that out of my head. This was before her smiling became a sub-theme. I just wanted her to smile, and I get very upset with the protag whenever he did something that countered that. Even though it was part of the story later.

I don't know. I have had infatuations with animu characters before, most notably Holo from Spice and Wolf, but this seems different. I can relate to Hanako on a completely different level.

I think that is why I'm attracted to her, given her past, she has some framework to understand me. It is a very selfish way of me of looking at things, but at the same time that is how deprived I am. This itself is a theme in the story, which makes the relatability worse.

I feel like I have a million things to say but can't find the words. Why I'm even rambling about this on a manchurian coaster knitting club I don't know. Well, I do know, it is because I can only express myself in this way when I drink. Ironically another aspect about Hanako I like.

After playing for a few hours and my initial fap urges gave way to being an emotional faggot, I started contemplating if I should skip the erotic scenes, since this is an eroge after all. After much deliberation I chose to finish uncensored, but even through the entire erotic scene, I wasn't aroused and didn't even get erect. I was just concerned with Hanako.

The story ended well, many of my earlier frustration with the protagonist's approaches were vindicated later, further reinforcing the reasonableness of the characters I feel in Hanako's arc, since it just further reflects my own situation. Keeping in mind the other arcs I played didn't have this.

I know I'm a huge faggot, but fuck me, how do I deal? Maybe there is no deal. Maybe now I understand despair in a new light. It is all within my own power to change, but change is self-destructive.

All that keeps going through my head is I don't want to lose her. She doesn't even exist.

What the fuck.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 14:28:29 2019 No.12530322

>>12530066
Well, I didn't really think about what to do with my life after I wrote that and I still have some wine left, so you poor suckers have to deal with me till I pass out or find a distraction:

This whole thing does make me think about the relationship between fictional media and how people interpret reality. While you could say I'm still on the fence regarding fiction, parts of me have started rejecting fiction, since fiction by definition is "fake" or "made up" and doesn't reflect reality.

Now, that isn't entirely true, since most of what goes in to fiction is still based on reality in some way. What I mean by fiction, or fictionality, is the aspect of narratives that deviate from reality, and the degree to which that would lead people astray from understanding reality by virtue of indulging said fictional reality.

I'm saying this comparing fictionional narratives to biographical narratives. A recent example is the book "My Friend the Mercenary" by James Brabazon. I don't know how anyone can take shit like Game of Thrones seriously after reading a book like that. I guess I have issues with fictionality. Which makes my obsession with a fictional character all the more distressing.

But this all changed due to Hanako. I see a different value to fiction now, if only as a psycho-therapeutic tool. The problem with this though is the applicability. I'm pretty sure my reaction to Hanako and her story in Katawa Shoujo wouldn't resonate with many of those reading this. I guess that sounds like me being pretentious, which only serves to add the the kind of distress that Hanako and myself would experience, but I digress.

I guess there is a huge sense of irony in finding reality in fiction, even though I should have seen it coming since fiction tends to be based on reality.

It makes me wonder why people bother with fiction but at the same makes me understand why.

We are all broken by life, some just more than others. We just use different words to describe it as we grow up, to the point where those words lose any connotation of brokenness.

Then we die and so does the lie we tell ourselves.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:07:21 2019 No.12530546 whenever i whip it out and go to fap, my one of roommates friends will rush in the front door and run up the stairs. it's like he has people on speed dial to drop by on an instant's notice to fuck up my fapping, wtf

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:26:32 2019 No.12530680 >>12530546 fapping doesn't make you happy it makes you less sad

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:28:30 2019 No.12530690 >>12530680 i'm not looking for "happiness" i'm looking to get a nut off

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:30:08 2019 No.12530703 >>12530690 You are looking for happiness. Nutting off is just the way you express that desire.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:31:03 2019 No.12530705 >>12530680 nothing can 'make' you happy. happiness is a bit of luck >>12530546 just do it in the shower

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:33:02 2019 No.12530718

i trip balls on mushrooms all day every day because it's the only way I can go out in public without having anxiety attacks :) probably going to kill myself eventually cuz I can't work a regular job and neither psychiatrists nor medical doctors have been able to help me in the all the years i've sought help, my only options are anxiety attacks all day every day, suicide, or homelessness haha

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:33:28 2019 No.12530722 >>12530705 I hate to be one of those pedantic faggots, but if a bit of luck can make you happy, as you said, then your statement that "nothing can 'make' you happy" is meaningless.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:35:42 2019 No.12530734 >>12530722 i said happiness IS a bit of luck.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:39:04 2019 No.12530745 >>12517936 >every american picked up a gun and participated in the war b/c every single one agreed we wanted it to happen I mean this genuinely: find the nearest highway and jump off it.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:40:12 2019 No.12530752 >>12530734 I don't see how that counters the point I made. Happiness is a bit of luck for sure, but if that is true, in the sense that a bit of luck can produce happiness, then the statement that "_nothing_ can 'make' you happy" is false. Dumbass.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:42:31 2019 No.12530763 >>12530752 Keep in mind I'm not arguing metaphysics, I'm just arguing your own bullshit.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:44:17 2019 No.12530777 >>12530752 >>12530763 Just pointing out for posterity that I'm the same person behind both these posts to avoid any confusion.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:44:52 2019 No.12530781

I cannot tell you how depressing it feels to finally know what kind of career/plan you want to do with your life but have zero professional experience in the field, no money to go to school for it, and no connections/points of reference in the industry, or even know how to go about getting any of those three

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:48:13 2019 No.12530792

>>12530752
calm down mate, i think you've misunderstood me

>happiness is a bit of luck
>a bit of luck makes you happy
these mean two different things mate.
nothing MAKES you happy. good things can happen & you won't necessarily feel happy. hence it's a bit of luck to achieve happiness.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:50:19 2019 No.12530800 >>12530781 well most people haven't figured out the first bit (what they want to do) so you have it better than most

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:55:16 2019 No.12530824 far from me

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 15:59:35 2019 No.12530846

>>12530781
you sound like me :) >>12530718
best advice: lie on your resume. it's really the only thing we can do unless we get lucky and meet some people. hope your interest is easy to lie about, mine is horticulture and it's easy to lie about that because people with botany related degrees are rare as it is

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:02:53 2019 No.12530868
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My depression never goes away. I keep on reaching goals that I think are going to finally make me happy, and a couple of months after I reach them I go back to wanting to lay in bed and daydream about killing myself. I went from total rock bottom a few years ago, to now having a good job, good savings, losing 80 pounds, getting a girlfriend, and I'm still just as miserable as when I was a ketamine addicted NEET with no money.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:05:56 2019 No.12530886 >>12530846 did you lie about your references?

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:13:13 2019 No.12530929 >>12530846 I want to work in the film industry as a makeup/effects makeup artist, so yeah, lying on a resume isn't really an option.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:16:42 2019 No.12530959 >>12517936 oh look, it's the same ass-blasted anti-American poster again >>12520483 uh, source?

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:19:01 2019 No.12530978

>>12530868
I don't mean to sound condescending, because i empathize with this, but it's because you're trying to stifle your depression with achievements and goalposts, rather than dealing with whatever is the source of these feelings. Otherwise, those band-aids are going to be just that, temporary band-aids on the problem

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:20:54 2019 No.12530988

>>12530929
How is it not? The only jobs you can't lie about are jobs that require an actual education to do. Makeup artist isn't one of those jobs. Make up experience about working on sets, in theatres, etc. Use friends as past coworker references. That's easy as hell to lie about.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:21:27 2019 No.12530992 >>12530868 >80 pounds overweight i just can't relate to fat fucks, how do ppl let themselves become so disgusting

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:22:28 2019 No.12531001 >>12530929 what a fucking gay passion no offense

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:24:39 2019 No.12531016 Out of ideas on schoolwork thats due tomorrow

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:25:35 2019 No.12531021 I feel that living in the present right now is living in a state of paralysis.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:26:58 2019 No.12531032 File: 72 KB, 633x356, orson welles.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12530992 too much celebrating

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:27:10 2019 No.12531035 >>12531001 Hahahah yeah what kind of faggot would like to make creatures & monsters and shit all day and see their work on screen, what a inartistic job amirite bois https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rick_Baker

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:28:00 2019 No.12531041 >>12531016 what's the project

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:29:35 2019 No.12531050 >>12531035 yup that sounds pretty fuckin gay, out of all the jobs in the world your passion is to be the guy who glues the bumps onto the klingon's forehead

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:32:02 2019 No.12531065

I'm walking at the back of a crowd of acquaintances with my shoes untied. If I bend over to tie my shoes, I'll lose sight of the people, and they'll leave me behind without a second thought. If I trip on my shoelaces, I'll also be left behind. Then I'll be lost.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:46:35 2019 No.12531147
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>*clap* *clap*
>20! 19!
>New year, new books! And I'm starting the year off with a doozy!
>This book, it's from 1920. By a guy named Lothrop - Loff, Laffer... Ludakris-
>Guy named Lothrop Stoddard, he was a Harvard history professor.
>Book is called The Rising Tide of Color Against White World-Supremacy.
>Basically, it's about how, over the next hundred years, the White race will decline as the third-world world of Color grows
>Their populations explode and they overtake the White man's land by sheer attrition.
>NOT UNLIKE THE SITUATION WITH T-SERIES!

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:49:21 2019 No.12531169 >>12531065 just be like "ayo hold up"

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:56:07 2019 No.12531218
File: 59 KB, 736x497, 1499715321470.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I'm unable to find employment in a municipal government with my Master's degree and its been 7 months. So many interviews I thought went well have come to nothing. Entry-level, make-work positions are handed out like nepotistic party favors to peoples' daughters, and the mid-level positions require a bit more experience than I have yet. Every time I receive an email or call back its always from a dim woman in her 40s-60s. It's the same everywhere. And though I have some connections, they just happen to not be for the right places at this time.

I don't know what to do.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 16:59:21 2019 No.12531238 >>12531218 that's why i refuse to do a masters unless an employer pays for it, i'm not blowing 50 gees on some vocational masters that will still leave me unqualified for whatever job

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 17:04:00 2019 No.12531260
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>>12531238
No no, the Master's was "free". Working for the dept. for 20 hours a week granted a full tuition waiver. Out the door the whole degree cost me about $3,000 in general fees, the world's most expensive gym membership, I use to say.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 17:08:53 2019 No.12531291

>>12531260
oh ok i can dig it, i almost took a job that would pay for one class worth of grad school credits a semester, but i would have had to work full time, and it would have taken like a decade to finish the damn thing based on what they would cover, so i was like nah

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 17:14:54 2019 No.12531330 File: 66 KB, 768x768, NHiXP1YWrism15361z-SCwABJo4eBNGvxFWpbF_9igc.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] lmao democrats will NEVER be able to live this shit down, i wonder what governor coonman's excuse will be this time lmao

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 17:32:35 2019 No.12531413 File: 62 KB, 640x844, i8ozpuon3fe21.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] i thought this dude was supposed to be some hard ass from atl, turns out he's a fucking brit who overstayed his visa lmao so long wanker

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 17:33:26 2019 No.12531415 >>12531147 kys

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 18:13:09 2019 No.12531594 >>12530978 I thought I was depressed because my life sucked, but everything I do to make my life suck less doesn't seem to make me feel any better

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 18:22:05 2019 No.12531629 1500 words so far today as far as novel progress. I'm self conscious of my garbage, shallow prose and repetitive structure. I'm capturing the actions but not the sensations. Why must writing be so hard? I feel like I cannot see.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 18:27:01 2019 No.12531658
File: 46 KB, 1440x900, 1488967587786.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>12531629
Have you considered writing from the place of the sensation first and seeing what actions come out of it? I think most people get frustrated trying to communicate certain ineffable feelings by trying to draw them out of an established narrative instead of having the narrative develop in response to your articulation of the sensations, whatever they may be.

Sometimes "garbage, shallow prose" is just what it *needs* to be. It's not actually garbage; it's often rightfully flat. Not every paragraph needs to be a triumph in metaphor or dialogue.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 18:37:52 2019 No.12531712

>>12531658
It's difficult because the material subject is rather distant from me, and I'm learning it as I go. It's historical fiction, set in 1400s Korea. I don't even like K-drama or Kpop, but I became charmed with a certain story of history of which there are only two lone sentences written, but I've built it out into a full novel framework. Not my area of expertise, in other words. It's hard enough to see the events at all, let alone in enough detail to feel them. I just finished writing a scene of a sword dance performance using youtube as a reference. Even though I had the motions and music in front of me, the writing just doesn't connect to the reader vividly enough. Even though I can edit it later, I think at least the feelings should be evident in the first draft.
Maybe it's simply too difficult for me.
I've noticed a lot of writers "write what they know" which is more or less their own first hand experiences.
Other than immersing myself in study material, cultural art, and deep trance-like imagination of the scenes, I'm having the most difficulty seeing the story as vividly as I would like, ultimately, to write it.
>rightfully flat
This one is more light on the plot than I'm used to, and will rely more on emotion and vibrant experience in a series of loose events.
Sorry if it comes across as whiny. Writing this feels like pulling teeth, each word is typed at a heavy mental cost. I'm aiming for commercial purposes and have a reason for choosing this material, I've done my best to impart my soul in it but I just haven't fallen in love with the manuscript.
Thanks for your thoughts, I'll think about your approach more.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 18:45:49 2019 No.12531759 I'm high off an apple pipe listening to The Man From Utopia by Zappa

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 19:05:42 2019 No.12531841

>>12531712
It's actually very funny you say that. I'm writing a near-future fiction about a Korean civil servant who is placed in the North as a planner for reestablisment of commercial relations between the two countries. Koreaboos unite.

Why is your piece commercial? Do you habe an audience in mind?

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 19:12:19 2019 No.12531876 >>12517659 why do i always fall for the angry bitchy man eater type its like my balls operate on self destruct mode

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 19:13:39 2019 No.12531887

>>12531841
>Do you have an audience in mind?
Yes, very much so. There's a strong base of female readers of historical fiction with romantic substories. Romance is not normally my thing but I'm not opposed to it. The only defining aspect across all my work is an element of tragedy, so it lends well to romance, and I've written historical fiction before. I'm just not much for korea, usually, except this story caught my eye. >>12531841
>near-future fiction about a Korean civil servant who is placed in the North as a planner for reestablisment of commercial relations between the two countries.
Huh. I actually despise recent history and wouldn't call myself a koreaboo... I'm sure there's a great audience for that sort of work, though, even if that be diametrically opposed to my own target.
idk, bitches love romance, bitches love east asia. Hemingway wasn't too good to write copy for a tire company; I'll write what I think will sell. But I still have standards for myself and want to maintain a certain level of quality and sincerity.
How far are you?

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 20:07:42 2019 No.12532094
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>>12531887
Well, what exactly draws you to write historical romance set in Joseon if one of your principal difficulties is coming across as distant? I'm writing on modern Korea because I spent several years there (not a teacher or militaryfag, don't worry). I think a couple years experience in a country puts one in the ideal position of neither being too alien and ignorant to the nuances of a place, but also not too familiar to its human experience that you are overly self-conscious of mucking up the reality you know so acutely.
The bar patios, Seoul at 5pm, the cuisine, the cranky ajummas, salarymen life, the sound their women make when they orgasm, etc. It's all there in my pocket, right now, and I can turn it over in my hand. About 46k, to answer your question.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 20:12:23 2019 No.12532113
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FJla7Zrpn8
i had sex yesterday, and as i was cumming, i heard this song (in my head), which i haven't listened to for years.
any of you ever have somethng like that?

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 20:13:36 2019 No.12532121 >>12517659 Can't take living anymore. Can't take reading all day but not being able to use anything I read originally or even remember anything that I read.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 20:29:10 2019 No.12532174 >>12521064 Genuinely deep.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 20:47:41 2019 No.12532229

>>12532094
If I were limited to writing only things I myself have experienced, I'd have a sore time and a boring set of work indeed. I haven't had the chance to travel due to grinding poverty. I've done what I could to gain experiences, but they're understandably limited.
Why this setting? I read an excerpt about a historical figure's life at this time and became interested. It's a tragedy. I like sad stories, whether they're romance or otherwise.
46k isn't bad at all. I'm at 15k...pretty slim so far. I'm still reading through and taking notes out of texts to learn more groundwork. My reasoning is that I have all the resources of the internet at my grasp. Videos, photos, texts, references, music, guides, even google maps and streetview and user experiences if I can find them. Say I wanted to taste korean cuisine, there are korean restaurants I can go to, or import stores for me to make something myself, recipes straight from koreans. The 21st century is amazing. I have many more opportunities for vivid, accurate research than did someone writing in the 1940s. My hope is that I can make it up somehow.
Anyway, as much of what I do is historical and set in the distant past, even if I went to the modern country the resemblance would be limited.
I've been mostly writing since the last post time. Gave the passage an edit, connecting paragraphs, and put more emotion into it. Included the character reflecting on it. Might be cheesy but hey, I'm also drunk, and chicks dig cheesy. Gonna sell this to them agents for sure. Bitches love cheesy historical romance.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 20:49:01 2019 No.12532235
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I am truly tired of it all. My ADHD has sealed my fate in never being able to know "normal", in that I'll never be able to outwardly perform at the pace my peers do, or be able to dully connect with them due to the difference of the worlds we live in. I tried to ignore all this before - to pretend I was the same as any other and only making up artificial issues to feel different or special or whatever, but I can't do that any longer. I genuinely have a form of cognitive retardation, and I accept this now. I have also lost much hope in my "nurturing girlfriend" fantasies as ever coming true, and at this point just desire to detach from my identity and all the miseries it brings to me. I've had the idea of creating altar ego-characters that I write from the POV of, and basically making a fictional universe out of them. I think it'll be very fun, and hopefully the therapy that'll help me with the earlier problems. I was originally aiming to write stories for the enjoyment of it, but I procrastinated on that and now, returning to it, am doing it for therapeutic reasons, relating to my psyche and desiring to escape from the remembrance of myself (hence losing myself in other personalities). I hope it helps me, because I really have little else in life I presently want anything to do with.

I've also been pondering the existence of the material world, and how and why it exists when there are simultaneously far higher, more heavenly realms, which astral-travellers and the like have directly experienced. The problem of pain, especially. Why does pain exist at all, and especially so if it only applies to our physical bodies? I have absolutely no answers to these questions, and I'm aware myself to be an infantile tourist in my musings of such a long-standing problem, but it's really come to bother me lately. The notion of a "Demiurge" is something I've been seriously pondering.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 20:55:22 2019 No.12532259 >>12532235 calm down

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 22:02:41 2019 No.12532520 I succeeded, but I don't know that it was worth it

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 22:09:54 2019 No.12532551 >>12520487 That's what you get for liking trash. jokes aside, who is this artist?

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 22:18:37 2019 No.12532606 >>12532113 >any of you ever have somethng like that? no. you were probably having a small aneurysm

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 22:32:31 2019 No.12532662

>>12532551
神聖かまってちゃん. They started in the late 2000's when the frontman was a literal NEET (he wrote a song about it, and streamed a lot besides), and in 2010 released one of the best debut albums of all time. In short, it's like shoegaze-inspired rock mixed with a ton of pop/electronic/glitch elements, and the result is just incredible. That album was the last time I felt genuine strong emotions from music before depression made me numb to everything, so I still feel tied to them in some way.

The sad part is, they ditched that sound partially for the next album (which had MUCH weaker songwriting), and after that everything they once had was gone. And you know what? They blew up. They were commissioned to do anime OPs, huge concerts, and basically became one of the biggest rock acts in Japan in like 2014-2015 to where they even made a documentary at the end of that period. I must have tried a dozen times to find something interesting in their new music from that time, but it's just empty. It's no good. When you search up any of the amazing songs from the 2010 album on youtube, they don't even get auto-completed. They have no views. It's sad.

I discovered them from /mu/ since it was a kind of favorite among a few people, and some there seemed to understand the story better, but going to modern /mu/ is so dreadful that I've never asked, and I don't want to risk making it some kind of meme. Not an amazing story, but yeah, there you have it.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 22:39:48 2019 No.12532698 >>12532606 really? that's one of my biggest fears

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 23:08:43 2019 No.12532862 >>12517659 i wish i didnt have to eat, it makes everything so complicated.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 23:10:30 2019 No.12532869
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>>12532229
I don't think you need to fret so much if your work's principal aim is to make female readers a little sad and a little horny, and I don't mean that in a belittling way. At any rate, best of luck friend, and keep up the struggle. It was nice meeting you.

If ever I post my work you will know me by my OP containing roof Korean photos.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 23:32:21 2019 No.12532968 Mad that fags exist, I think they need to be shot. In fact, I think a lot of people need to be shot in general. I have cachexia, but I'm gaining weight, so thats alright.

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 23:49:18 2019 No.12533048
File: 359 KB, 1024x965, N-164-Nebula-in-the-LMC.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

Pandeism is true, I know it in the deepest parts of my soul. Spinoza and the Vedanatists were right. There is one unified perennial philosophy/spiritually. There is no distinction between god and existence, of which we are only an infinitesimal part. We (I): all of consciousness will be reunited when all of matter is reunited during the great singularity at the end of time. What will we decide to do with ourselves next? I've been working on a way of proving this from first principles by way of the mind body problem. Anyone have any works that deal with this?

Anonymous Sun Feb 3 23:50:06 2019 No.12533051

My take on "The Little Prince"

The first thing the little prince connects with is the snake and we don't know how long and how deep their bond becomes before the little shit meets the pilot. I see the Little shit as a conceptual protrusion that hijacks the pilots hierarchy of priorities if the little shit had not showed up the pilot would have fixed the plane in time and would have been on his way. The story is a suicide note/story from the author because the little shit is his demons in his head that took over and at the end he allows the snake to take him the author gave in to his minds darkness and committed suicide and the story is his suicide note.

>>	Anonymous Sun Feb 3 23:51:30 2019 No.12533059 Little Prince of Darkness

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 00:12:02 2019 No.12533135 i hate, i dont know what or who anymore, i just hate

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 00:30:35 2019 No.12533201 >>12532259 I'm not that guy, but I can relate to what he is saying. Calming down might not be so easy for other people as it is for you, normal person.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 00:47:05 2019 No.12533279 >>12526124 agreed

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 00:52:46 2019 No.12533301 I picked accounting. I wanted to pick philosophy, but I picked accounting. I don't know what could have been.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 00:58:24 2019 No.12533324 >>12533301 first world problems

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 01:01:20 2019 No.12533334

>>12533301
account is a good major, it's fucking easy but u can still make mad loot since the labor supply is artificially protected from immigrants taking your job since you need a degree and a cpa to officially be an accountant, smart move in a world of open borders dems, of course libertarians know that kind of creditialism is more morally reprehensible than building a wall, but from a practical perspective it lets you virtue signal as an open borders lib, but still have a credential wall protecting you personal prosperity, fuck the next man, amirite

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 01:11:23 2019 No.12533385

The other night I was walking down the street with some friends and saw a girl sitting down in the snow. If I was alone I would have just kept walking, but some of my friends walked up to her. Asked if she was alright, do you need someone to walk you home, etc. She seemed kinda drunk but ended up saying she was fine so we walked away.

Ever since then I've felt a little guilty. I just stood there awkwardly while they tried to help her out because its not in my nature to be that empathetic, especially with strangers. I don't feel guilty about not trying to help, I really just feel guilty about not feeling guilty. Why isn't that instinct to help people there? Why isn't it natural for me to want to do the thing I know is moral? Why do I just not give a shit about this person? I hate the world for being so cruel and uncaring but it's because of people like me the world is that way.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 01:17:46 2019 No.12533409 >>12533385 yeah im the same way, i always feel shitty after something like that but then i forget about it

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 01:18:08 2019 No.12533412

>>12532235
I have a similar problem. I was also diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and prescribed Ritalin, but for some reason after my mom took some herself when she was going through a stressful time she decided to take me off it after two years on it. That all happened just under three decades ago though, I'm not sure if she made the right choice but I do know that for the period I was on Ritalin I have virtually no memories. Just as an FYI, I can't recall where but I heard this but I remember something some Asperger's specialist said, that it isn't unknown for Asperger's and ADHD to be misdiagnosed with each other, since they share similar symptoms.

But with that aside and the dangers and pitfalls of self-diagnosis acknowledged, what I can hopefully tell you is that while there isn't much you can do about the expectation society puts on us, especially with regards to social behavior and financial independence, you don't have to live up to those expectations. The only people that say the way society is doing things is the only right way are the people are already invested in said society and have more or less defined themselves in terms of it, sacrificing their individuality and self-determination for the sake of a career.

For me though, I can't function like that. But I have realized that at least when it comes to money, I can either be a cog, or a steering wheel. If you are your own boss, you only have to fit in with your own job description. Taking direct control of your financial destiny instead of letting others allow you to work for them could be the solution you are looking for. It might still take time to figure out exactly what that will be for you, and poses many challenges, but rather focus on being good at being yourself than being good at sacrificing yourself for the sake of a paycheck so some asshole can afford his third yacht.

With regards to being "slower" than your peers, I'm like that too. But I have also realized that is because I'm more thorough, and what I produce at the end of the day is of a higher quality than my peers. I still got fired for it though. This won't be a problem if I work for myself and set my own timeframes.

tl;dr don't lower yourself to other people's standards, most will just break you down to their level so they don't have to improve themselves

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 01:23:42 2019 No.12533425

any kind of crime related to the internet always gives me a hit of anxiety, like i just saw that some kid got sentenced to ten years for stealing crypto via sim swapping, and now i can feel my stress hormone levels spiking, i don't know why i identify with every stupid kid who commits some crime on the internet, i mean shitposting is not a crime, but it still feels sort of bad, idk i think quitting 4channel and any other shitposting activity is the only way

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 01:30:49 2019 No.12533448 >>12533048 >Anyone have any works that deal with this? All I can think of is "God's Debris" by Scott Adams.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 01:32:02 2019 No.12533453 >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeSN4PntOos wow another group from my tiny little college town hometown made the front of pitchfork and for once its not some guitar band bullshit

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 01:46:30 2019 No.12533501 I am constantly thinking about different imaginary women in my mind and I want a gf

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 02:00:53 2019 No.12533531 discord https://discord.gg/mAKH8aS we sometimes talk about books

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 02:01:18 2019 No.12533532 >>12533531 nice try officer

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 02:19:16 2019 No.12533576
File: 34 KB, 500x500, 221.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I'm leading this chick on because I don't know if I want to fuck her or have her leave me alone. She's hispanic, short, frail, and kind of ugly, but I find a lot of girls ugly these days. She's also pretty naive. I have this fantasy of punishing her somehow while we fuck. Not in a fucked up way like I've done before. I want to fill a water baloon with hot water and bust it on her head while I take her in doggy. She'll run out of the room, calling me a fucking faggot and shit.
But maybe I should give her a chance. She's not stubborn, and I could groom her to be a good sub.
Her teeth are awful though. I can just picture the crooked smile she gives me, and I want to stuff it with Crest antibacterial paste until her nose is clean. She can't apply mascara right either.
Worst of all, I confided in her about my suicide attempt, and she got all warm and weird about it. I could tell she felt sympathy, but there was some strange attraction that felt disgusting and all too familiar.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 02:20:33 2019 No.12533578 >>12533576 >fucking grody chicks dude have a fap and come to your senses

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 02:22:44 2019 No.12533585 >>12533578 Doesn't do it for me anymore.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 02:24:30 2019 No.12533589 >>12521309 > God made a mistake putting this island here. Quite the opossite, god decided to use Australia as his failed creation's dumpster

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 02:42:29 2019 No.12533630

I feel an overwhelming thrill & pressure for the upcoming months.
I'm moving with my fiancee to a bigger place so we can kickstart our studios and business.

Even though last month I landed a great paying job, I'm expected to pay for the most part of the wedding, movers, furniture and manage our art collective's events and social media

It feels as though people feel entitled to tell me what's my best interest and how I should go about doing my job while trusting me to deliver on their expectations.
I just wish I had more hours to write/sleep

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 02:48:28 2019 No.12533631 >>12533630 >betabuxing an entire "art collective" woo lad

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 02:57:51 2019 No.12533654

>>12533631
There's not really many platforms to the type of work we want to make in our country, let alone any support, public spaces, galleries, workshops or guidance to upcoming artist and we want to close that gap a little bit and support the underground. If not us, then who's going to do so?

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 03:33:14 2019 No.12533723
File: 62 KB, 590x441, VS5MEpq.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>12533630
>fiancee
>complains about people telling him what to do

It's a trap! Get out while you can!

But seriously, if you can already pick up that people are doing this to you it is only going to get worse unless you start standing your ground. You might really love your fiancee, but no one is perfect. Family will always do this to you, so don't let love blind you.

I'm not entirely sure what your financial situation is, but I'm guessing you are the primary earner, and your fiancee is a struggling artist with no income and that you will basically be covering all the expenses for the foreseeable future. You have to understand how this would look from an outside perspective if it were the case.

I used to be a very agreeable person, but doing things the way other people wanted only worked in the short term because it was never what or how I wanted. You will never be as motivated to do what or how others want when compared to doing what or how you want.

Either confront those that do it, remove them from your life, or accept your fate that as just another NPCs, stripped of your individuality, self-determination and willpower.

As an example, you could use the upcoming wedding planning as a way to start asserting yourself more and get those around you used to the idea that they can't push you around at their whim. Start with something small that makes sense for you to make a stand on. What it is exactly doesn't matter, but you are paying for it, so you have to show that you aren't just a money fountain. It could be something like using cheaper floral arrangements than what your fiancee would want, or simply insisting that you want these flowers over those flowers that she wants.

If she is too insistent on having her special day checked by reality, then she might be the type that derives a significant portion of her sense of self-esteem from her ability to manipulate and control men to spend money on her, as that validates her worth to her peers.

I know this is mind games stuff I'm suggesting and it is an unpleasant thought to deliberately do it to those close to you, but I have learned that basically everyone plays mind games whether they are aware of it or not. Doesn't mean you have to do it maliciously, but you can do it defensively.

Either you play or be played.

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 03:56:56 2019 No.12533771

>>12522589
I'm religious, drunk af, and in a tough place atm. I'm on the exact same boat as you and there's always signs to show that I'm wrong. That egotism is the first to be chipped away at and I'm finally accepting that I was wrong to be so bitter. "Jaded sentimentalist" is the phrase I came across. I can't keep being jaded because I know the people trying to connect with me didn't grow up like me and don't understand why I'm the way I am, but I still say and do things that hurt them and I can see the physical change when that happens. It is them seeing the good in me and losing sight of it and it kills a part of me that cares deep inside that I've long convinced myself no longer exists. They didn't deserve it any more than I deserved what I got, but it's just habit to lash out like a wounded animal. I want to get over this so bad but I'm so deeply ingrained into the self-sabotaging habits that I fear I'm unable to be fixed.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 04:29:49 2019 No.12533831 >>12522769 Can you repeat the question?

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 11:21:31 2019 No.12534817 File: 291 KB, 1024x1004, 1536223508763.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >quote from character in a novel gets attributed directly to the author

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 11:28:24 2019 No.12534845

i just fucked around in my exams; dont think that im going to make it this semester; ill probably drop out in the next one but not later than the bachelor semester. ive realized too late that im not actually interested in the things i study. i want to become a writer or at least try it by moving into the next bigger city, accept a low paying wage slave job were i have enough free time to write, join a creative writing course and see whats happening.
anons remember to think before you take decisions that could affect your life in the long term.

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 11:34:31 2019 No.12534867

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSkpPaiUF8s

the left is fucking disgraceful, i should have turned away from the left when they tried to lynch those duke lacrosse players, but i was too brainwashed by marxism, communists are terrible people, how is this even still up for debate?

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 12:13:33 2019 No.12535033

I feel like my creativity, or rather my urge to be creative, is trapping me. Every day I think about the things I want to create, how to go about them, how to make time for all of them. In the end it's so overwhelming I don't know where to start. If only I'd be fine with consuming life would be so much more carefree.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 15:48:42 2019 No.12536033 >>12533412 Thanks for this writeup. Even though I don't think I can achieve such a setup myself, it was nice to read of another who faces the same setback in life as I do.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 16:05:42 2019 No.12536106 What is it that drives the teenagers of the internet to communicate entirely through indeterminate layers of irony? Has sincerity been sold?

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 16:43:05 2019 No.12536257

I don't understand how American MAGA retards have such amazing cognitive dissonance. I mean, democrats are far right twats too (thank you Americans for absolutely tarding up left/ring wing with nazi and american propaganda) but damn republicans in America are some of the absolute shittiest people on the planet. Why? It defies belief.

Inb4 ur turd world shithole

My country is becoming a neoliberal hell because of liberals (actual liberals aka capitalist cucks like Americans ironically are despite claiming they hate duh libs which they once again retardedly attribute to gommunism).

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 17:17:02 2019 No.12536397

>>12536257
I always feel dirty and embarrassed whenever I finish a conversation with Trump supporters. If you watch fox news you can predict 90% of what they will reply to you with. I can't respect any of them, they aren't even real conservatives, just Koch/AIPAC/Neoliberal/Trotskyist puppets

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 17:24:24 2019 No.12536424

>>12534867
>Watch that video
>Suddenly my recommended videos are filled with nothing but leftist talking heads and Joe Rogan
>Discover there's this network of popular lefty imitations of Sargon
>They all made a video about the same topic utilizing very similar scripts within the same week
What the fuck

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 17:27:53 2019 No.12536436 >>12536257 Get dabbed on fucking europoor

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 17:29:25 2019 No.12536445 >>12536436 He's probably a Peruvian rat or something, we have literal nazi's in power in Europe.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 17:35:25 2019 No.12536480 File: 224 KB, 720x416, ulEIV.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12536424 A while ago I got into to /pol/. This lead me to read up on politics and history more. The more I read, the more I realized politics is like pic related.

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 18:03:50 2019 No.12536616

I've recently broken up with a girl I really loved who I had for almost 2 years in a very tough manner, but because of that I've been doing things like walking to get myself out of my concrete box that constantly surrounds myself.

I've started to like these walks a lot since the place which I moved to is very very quiet. I walk by the streets in the evenings and at night and you don't see any single person for hours. You see all the people living in the commieblock looking apartment buildings, the lights always on, but no one in sight.

I see the prettiest things when I walk alone around here, the snow falls and glistens under the streetlights and the crunch of it under my boots feels welcoming. A short distance from here are some woods I frequent that are almost hipnotic in the way it breathes. The streetlights continue for kilometers in every direction in waves of lights, it's quite nice.

I'm slowly getting over my hurt, I still hear it echo every once in a while but I can finally focus a bit on the things that matter to me. I'm sure I'll find new love some time, but there's no rush

Thanks for listening :)
You're a good friend.

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 18:20:46 2019 No.12536704

>>12536257
have you maybe considered that neoliberalism is part of the inevitable progression towards free and unrestricted movement of capital, and while this might've began in the 70s (and accelerated in the 80s under Reagan and Thatcher) in the Anglo countries it is now slowly but surely spreading to the rest of the world too?

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 19:58:19 2019 No.12537155

4chan and places like it are far more enjoyable places to spend your time than social media sites and mainstream forums because there is never any pretension that discussion here is conducted sincerely and intelligently. Everyone knows that every post here might as well be a shitpost, and that getting invested in a topic here is an exercise in futility, making it so whenever anyone does get invested its solely fueled by passion. No matter where you go on the internet, discourse is ruled and twisted by people's own desired narratives and ignorance. The issue with mainstream sites is that this is not common knowledge, but on a place like 4chan it is.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:03:44 2019 No.12537178 I am not getting any more over her with time and it is poisoning me

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:07:19 2019 No.12537188
File: 121 KB, 960x958, 1546888128327.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

It would be better that I severed my left hand than if I had done what I have done.
And then I drank a beer even when I said I would not.
And I ate the mashed mystery flesh of the consumer utopia again.
And I posted with those awful people again.
With their temptations and virulent intoxicating ignorant babble.
I am doing it now.
I should have picked up the book again and ate nothing.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:12:29 2019 No.12537206 >>12536704 >inevitable progression towards free and unrestricted movement of capital, I certainly hope not. Fuck capitalism and fuck its cuckold supporters.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:14:26 2019 No.12537214 >>12537206 What economic policy do you believe is best?

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:16:40 2019 No.12537222 File: 37 KB, 311x414, 2nd best line.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Anyone have any tips on how to live an exciting life full of accomplishment? Any lit for it?

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:19:14 2019 No.12537234 >>12537222 fulfilling > exciting to know whats right and not do it is cowardice idk senpai, try an anthology of philosophy and some world history

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:21:03 2019 No.12537244

>>12537222
Literally the only answer is to out and experience things. I'm not even saying that in some kind of "wow go you!" way. If you want a life of excitement and accomplishment, you need to go out and gain excitement and accomplishment. If you don't know what you think is exciting or a sign of accomplishment, it likely has to do with you not knowing yourself, but that's just me making assumptions. If that's the case, I highly recommend reading Robert Greene's Laws of Human Nature. That book coupled with some critical thought about your own life will do you wonders.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:22:34 2019 No.12537250 >>12528285 That's just the achilles paradox. It's applicable to many things, as you'll see.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:27:45 2019 No.12537264 >>12537214 None. Fuck money.

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:30:06 2019 No.12537269
File: 107 KB, 320x287, 1464573346071.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I'll probably sound quite weak willed in this post, but here goes.

I'm in second year uni currently, and I smoke weed literally every night. I'm Canadian so recently it's been legalized as , which helps me justify this habit.

I've made sure to only smoke in the evenings once I'm done with all my responsibilities so that it doesn't negatively impact my life, but that doesn't seem to be cutting it. 9pm turned into 8pm, and then to 7, and eventually it has evolved into hitting my first bowl whenever I'm done classes.

Weed is absolutely negatively impacting my life. It makes me more shy, apathetic, and more likely to become trapped in negative thought loop day to day.

I've tried quitting several times but the urges become so strong. I understand weed isn't a physically addictive substance, but I've quit cigarettes before and that was much easier than this. Every time I even consider smoking weed I feel fantastic in anticipation, and my brain starts creating false justifications for why I should just smoke.

Every time I think about smoking, an internal battle occurs in my head which I believe is somehow emblematic of the duality of mind, or even some kind of binary ontology.

Not smoking is appealing to my rational self. The self that thinks about the long term consequences of smoking weed and how it makes me shy, closed off, more likely to become stuck in negative thought loops, etc (even after sobering up).

Smoking is appealing to my intuitive self. My biological urge to experience dopamine release and short-term satisfaction.

I want to be clear that I'm not trying to disparage any more serious addictions to harder drugs or things of that nature. This is simply the problem I happen to be going through.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:30:26 2019 No.12537271 >>12537222 go into the fray and revel in enduring the adversity

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:32:42 2019 No.12537278 >>12537222 adventures of huck finn

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:34:12 2019 No.12537282

>>12537264
Good answer. All socioeconomic policies rely on the assumption that man will do good to his fellow man, all the while ironically ignoring the fact that man is terrible by nature.

>>12537269
You've said the answer yourself.
>My biological urge to experience dopamine release and short-term satisfaction.
If you know that it is simply playing on your addiction to dopamine, doesn't that mean you either need to find something more meaningful to give yourself that dopamine, or somehow wean your way off of that strong addiction to dopamine?

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:40:31 2019 No.12537308

>>12537269
I had the same issue. I had to come clean about every aspect of my habit to my parents, and drop everything i was doing school wise for half a year in order to quit. You might have to do the same. You have to realize though, that weed isn't holding you back that much, and after you quit you still have to learn how to work hard, be responsible and all that jazz. Perhaps you can keep smoking, and just get your shit together, if you realize that it's an attitude issue alongside a drug issue, and not just a drug issue. The negative thought 'loop' won't go away, just because you manage to drop the tea. Good luck, it's a very real issue, and I hope you'll grow out of it. Life is precious.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:42:31 2019 No.12537317 Fucking gay ass uncle same starting to tax digital goods now wtf

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:49:51 2019 No.12537344

I have so many hobbies to relate to people about but not an ounce of courage to actually walk up to people and start conversations. I've pulled out and jailbroken my old gen 2 Kindle, I think it's time I read more. Real life may not satisfy me, but I can't say the unending worlds of fantasy ever have.

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:50:37 2019 No.12537348

>>12537206
I'm not a supporter, I'm just a fatalist. We get the world we deserve. Politicians, bureaucrats, academics, intellectuals, pundits, etc. can't run a highly complex economy in today's runaway world. Every attempt to do so, the most notable being the Soviet Union, has failed miserably. Economies controlled by corporations, financiers, and bankers operating an unregulated financial sector - with unfettered free trade and an international monetary system that strikes down all barriers between countries in favors of the movement of capital - are not only the present, but the future. Money rules everything. That won't change in our lifetime unless acceleration is truly more than a meme and happens ASAP.

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 20:51:55 2019 No.12537358
File: 541 KB, 903x624, PeasantFlail.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>list out my progatonists
>druggie slave owner who globetrots to find a new supply
>arrogant bird boy who wasted his inheritance and is getting sent to the jungle to die
>human slave who was sold into slavery because he was so incredibly unlikable
>human undertaker who steals from dead bodies
>slappy whale boy drone supervisor who was bullied so hard he became infertile

Perhaps I should change at least one of them to not be a complete piece of trash.

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 21:28:31 2019 No.12537491

>>12537269
I'm lucky to live in a state where it's hard to acquire but I was in a virtually identical situation as late as last October. My smoke time eventually settled at 4:20 so right after I got home. I hid all the paraphernalia and stopped buying weed and found other pass times. Forced myself to read or watch something informative to beat the desire with something that felt like progress. Eventually the urges went away.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 21:42:27 2019 No.12537533 >>12537269 cliche answer but lsd helped quit. 10 months sober now after 5 years of constant smoking

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 21:43:42 2019 No.12537537
File: 176 KB, 2524x798, 1497896373272.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>12536033
>Thanks for this writeup. Even though I don't think I can achieve such a setup myself, it was nice to read of another who faces the same setback in life as I do.
You're welcome, and also thank you. In my case it actually means a lot that someone just took the time to consider what I said.

While writing that the thought did occur to me that I'm just projecting my own solutions to my problems using your case as a vehicle to sort out my own thoughts.

But after reading this thread and noticing a pattern in some of the posts people make, I can't help but think there is a small sub-group of people here that have a particular flavour of "issues" that most people don't get. I mean this in the sense of the classic Zen parable(mind my paraphrasing): "No one can tell you what an apple tastes like, you have to taste it for yourself".

You can't make other people eat the apple called ADHD, or many of the kinds of issues that people have that I picked up reading this thread. Normies don't even know there is an apple to be eaten, so to speak. That aspect of reality is outside of their possible realm of experience, just like theirs is outside ours. The only way to describe it is in terms of what they cannot comprehend, but these people, and I mean these people in the sense NPCs tier normies that make up 95% of our social structures, including friends, family and work colleagues, have no reason to even acknowledge there is an apple they can't taste, they just keeping feeding back in to each other to reinforce their existing existential paradigms. Everyone else they know affirms that the apple doesn't exist, so why should they make themselves an outcast by trying to taste the apple?

So I guess my idea is to create something like a discord where people like me(and maybe you?) just have a platform to vent about whatever that isn't /r9k/ tier defeatist faggotry. In a way I surprise myself by giving advice here, since I consider myself to be a bit fucked up, but that is only me using other's experiences to make sense of my own. But that can be beneficial to both parties.

It isn't about right or wrong or trying to "fix" people, it is simply that I feel sometimes the only thing people(at the very least myself) need is a space and place to say what is on their minds. I sure as hell need that. That is what this thread is for, and I'm very grateful for it, but I don't want to blogpost this thread to death. I tried journaling but it just feels like I'm telling myself what I already know. I need to tell someone that isn't me.

At least in earlier posts where I told my story(which wasn't a reply to yours), that process of expression helped me deal with and process things for myself, but I know there are still things left to deal with.

Either way, if others are up for what I suggest I guess I could create a discord for us faggots.

>inb4 just go see a therapist
People with severe trust issues like myself have a hard time just considering the thought of therapy.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 21:45:44 2019 No.12537548 There is something liberating about finding a character that is both highly specific yet somewhat generic. A character that has experienced great pain yet still has a smile on their face as if nothing happened, speaks to me.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 21:47:58 2019 No.12537560 >>12533425 I feel like this at times too, it fucking sucks.

Anonymous Mon Feb 4 22:08:31 2019 No.12537621
File: 90 KB, 800x450, 20171226212810_1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>12517659
It was then that I started to really think about the way things really are in the world as opposed to what has been said and presented to me from since before I could even walk. Many of the things presented before me and those who came before me, the gods and idols derived from the desires, feelings and other such messy things that constitute the soul of the human being are little more than a grand bulwark behind which man hides to protect himself from something he fears, but hasn't any conception of. The bulwark of our mortal idols is akin to a house built on sand, which is swept away in the event of a strong enough tide coming in the house's direction. The tide which sweeps away the bulwark of man's idols is simply man's capacity for reason rising above the primitive, juvenile and artificial limitations of human social harmony. Save such folly as the preservation of social harmony at all costs for the fair sex. Females, like the priests and politicians, are the preservers of these idols which drag man into decay and sickness the longer than men cling to them. They act to preserve the bulwark of idols because it is by them that they have any chance at survival. So then, let the tides come, sweeping the idols and their servants away into the sea to fall into the blackest of depths to never see the light of day or ever breathe air with the ranks of the living again.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 22:28:48 2019 No.12537701 Everyone who browses places like r/cringe or r/iamverysmart needs to take a step back, look in a mirror, and realize their shit stinks too.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 22:39:49 2019 No.12537753 >>12517659 >who the fuck keeps doing these threads

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 22:42:00 2019 No.12537763 File: 10 KB, 225x225, pink wojak.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>12517659 I NEED to stop posting here. It consumes about 2hrs of my time daily.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 23:45:16 2019 No.12538018 >>12537763 > 2 hrs If only you knew how bad things could get.

>>	Anonymous Mon Feb 4 23:48:10 2019 No.12538033 >>12537701 >making fun of newbies in the weightroom Very bad. >making fun of that 30 year old DYEL in full gear doing atrocious lifts with unflappable confidence Very fun.

Anonymous Tue Feb 5 01:26:02 2019 No.12538362

I can't tell if my life is in shambles or not.

>28
>NEET
>live at home
>no motivation to do anything since quitting job last year
>have some hobbies and able to afford them for now
>no hope for the future
>no real interest in looking for a job and being a wageslave again but no real interest in starting anything in which to make money either

Shambles or no?

Anonymous Tue Feb 5 03:36:17 2019 No.12538706

>>12538362
I think that depends on if you are content with your current situation or desire change of some sort.

I used to be like this, and in some ways still are. One of the main reasons I didn't work much in the past is that I simply had nothing to work towards. The only thing that motivated me to work was because I found the work itself interesting, but doesn't count for much when stress from work starts following you home and messing up your work/life balance.

I spent a long time trying to figure out what that should be, and at least now I more or less have a goal or two in life that serves as motivation earn money again.

Or you could just be like The Dude from The Big Lebowski, no real ambition in life since he is already content with the way things are. I think many people would have a problem with this mindset, it flies in the face or their values and lifestyles, so they might consider your life to be in shambles compared to theirs, even if you are the most content person in the world.

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/lit/ - Literature