/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.12510820]

Write an excerpt from your Diary.

>May 1st 2014
I'm so lonely hopefully this will end soon.

[Anonymous No.12510834]

>>12510820
>october 23rd 2009
We dissected a pig's heart in class today. It was really gross at first, but then curiosity got the best of me. I dont want to be a doctor but this was really interesting

I usually just wrote whenever something interesting happened, not everyday. sometimes there would be month long gaps.
I work as a chemist now

[I call every OP a cunt !7tMes8vyTs No.12510851]

>>12510820
cunt

[Anonymous No.12510888]

>>12510820
Thursday 31st Jan 2019

Cait leaves today, I likely won't see her ever again. It was good while it lasted.

I also had bacon for breakfast so that was good.

[Anonymous No.12510893]

>>12510834
That's cool. I remember dissecting a mink in 8th grade and ours had a dong thrice the size of all others. My science teacher came up and said he was well endowed.

[Anonymous No.12511042]

>28th january 2019

R. asked us to turn the corpse over to look at the back muscles. All fine, exept nobody held the guts in place. The bounced off the table into my lap.
Left the lab coat in the anatomy room trashcan.

Short but efficent way to convey my frustration.

[I call the cunt-caller a cunt No.12511052]

>>12510851
>>12511052

[Anonymous No.12511065]

>>12511042
Well that was shit.

[Anonymous No.12511070]

I feel a bit more melodramatic than the rest of you

[Anonymous No.12511243]

I keep a physical journal but here's a sample.

[Anonymous No.12511554]

July 24th, 2012
>How do I get rid of my guilt?
>How do I convince myself that every problem in my life isn't my fault?
>Everything I feel ultimately manifests into self-hatred
>I feel like I deserve to be punished, but I don't have any real reason to be
>I'll figure out all my problems on my own, I always have and I'm fine enough now
>I'm only writing this so I have a bullshit reason to actually persue a solution instead of being content simply acknowledging the problem
>I hate drinking, but it's the easiest way for me to dissociate so I can actually look at things objectively and without emotional bias
>I fear losing control
>If I force blame upon myself, I can pretend that I have control over the situation, so if I did something different, ultimately, I have some control, relinquishing my phobia
>But such a toxic mindset
>I assign myself responsibilities when things don't go the way I want them to so I can pretend if I was a better person, the results could have been more favorable
>This is why I strive for perfection and why I will ultimately fail
>I will always fail and it will always damage me emotionally
>I myself storm alone towards ruination
>Do I desire self destruction?
>A lie spoken a thousand times eventually becomes truth
>I don't desire destruction, simply an answer to everything terrible inflicted upon me for seemingly no reason
>If I hold that blame to myself, I have an answer, things are justified, my base desire resolves
>I am worse off having false justification than simply admitting a lack control, but my emotions make me feel worse in the opposite case.
>I fear losing control
>Emotions overwhelm me when I lose control, when I lose the ability to influence the outcome.
>I need to surmount

I keep this and read it every time I feel like shit because at least I have my shit together now, gives me motivation to stop being emotionally gay

[Anonymous No.12511557]

>January 27th, 2019
Get a job. Stop fantasizing and being hopeful about traveling this summer when you don't yet have the funds.

[Anonymous No.12511584]

Dear Journal,

Today my manager got fired. This week is downtime so I’m still in training and haven’t even met the guy. At lunch break today I talked to a Jehova’s Witness on the corner and he gave me a new copy of The Watchtower. I shook his hand and then left to continue my lunchtime walk. As I waited for the pedestrian light a girl with blue hair stopped on my left. I told her the blue was cool and she said thanks but my eyes zoomed in on the piercing in her nose. I had to cut my walk short and headed back to the office since I fear I may have hyperextended my knee last night during my workout. Anyway, I got my first paycheck at my new job and everything’s going to be all right.

[Anonymous No.12511592]

>>12511557
Never kept a diary but I remember a diary entry by my sister when she was like 7 and I 9. It went
Today anon pretended to be deaf and mute. That was mean. I cried a lot.

[Anonymous No.12511619]

>>12511243
Is this translated from spanish?

[Anonymous No.12511657]

>>12511619
It isn't but I'm surprised by the question. What gave you the impression it was?

[Anonymous No.12511724]

>>12510820
It's usually excerpts from my daily reads and things I have to remember.
Rarely any personal considerations

Today:

>"emotional exploration of the permanent meaning of life" G.S. Kirk

"He put himself in his God's hand... the proper recourse of the pious man"

"even at the last, turns for solace to his own achievements rather than to his creator."

To do:

Pay Back A.
Look into Aum Shinrikyo
[Omitted]
Laundry

[Anonymous No.12511729]

>>12511657
It just feels a little lost in English.

[Anonymous No.12511998]

>>12511243
Do you have any other little reviews in your diary?
>>12511554
Are these just lines you cut, or do I have to live knowing that some anon writes a diary in greentext?

[Anonymous No.12512004]

>>12511998
Dude if anybody finds your diary they will know where you live.

[Anonymous No.12512028]

>>12511998
I just wrote each one on the next line.
The phrasing was so short for each line that I merely placed the arrows for the sake of separating the entry from my reasoning for holding this so close to my mind.

[Anonymous No.12512074]

Here's an excerpt from the day I took acid for, most likely, the last time. At the time, I was dedicated to writing an excerpt every day, and I brought my journal to write whatever came to mind. Me and a friend were outside late at night when we heard marching band practice several blocks away.
I wrote it on two sides of the same paper and they converged at the bottom.

Left side: "Let me be beguiled by the world's strings and things. Beguiled, stay here, but what, is it real? I can still hear the drums, its my heartbeat. This fly here is dancing with me and us. It was going. I want no more than to find the source as it leaves me. My heart rate changes. I breathe hard in and outside. We're all the eyes observing another's. It's jumping in me. I keep hearing it. That bewilderment, it keeps coming after I forget. I was carried, my blood. I want to rampage and declare war on nothing and GO PLEASE GO. I CAN'T KNOW. Let it out my limbs don't care, they're possessed let it goo. Please, make me forget what it is that I'm from, what I'm from IS NOT IMPORTANT. Forget it and keep going- Laughter relieve me, you know me so well, tell me your bed time stories and lay me to rest. This burden is too much for me now, I lay my head down and drift, I will dream in an attempt to KNOW THYSELF."
Right side: "This is just ink on a paper. It's there. It's ink on a paper that's meant to be interpreted, not just squiggly lines. There is in order to them, based in shapes. Remind ourselves again and again ((curved line that turns into an A)). Remind them and others of what it took to get them to understand how to communicate from the chaos. We took our energy and straightened it and formed it to a point of unconscious quick acknowledgement. We are so advanced and ever forgetful! Will we ever truly know ourselves? It's all of us here. The lines we set are still here if you come back... The soundwaves, tone, to form words wor(d), to provoke an idea, to communicate. These very lines you still see here to try and make sense of it all, the words have meaning, structure, history. The sounds have pitch, rhythm, flow. We build our ideas with these words. We need some order for everyone to rely on in an attempt to KNOW THYSELF."

Then me and a friend flipped through random pages of Ulysses and spoke them with exaggerate accents while trying not to laugh. Thanks for the book rec.
Don't do drugs.

[Anonymous No.12512149]

>>12512028
Do you still keep a diary? If so: what's it like now? I'm on my second iteration of a diary, since going back and seeing my old teenage wallowing was less motivational than I'd have hoped.
>>12512004
I'll take care when the government sets out to cull the pants-shitting retards from the population.
>>12512074
How seriously were you taking that in the moment? And how do you see it looking back?

[Anonymous No.12512225]

2019-01-06
>It's quiet in here. What little noise comes in is carefully selected and bred for predictability. The illusion of spontaneity is maintained so well that the flow of information, though it is repetitive, never becomes dull.
>We may not like it this way, but the system is extremely sensitive to tampering, and there is no fall-back. Adjusting the variables would risk collapse.

[Anonymous No.12512247]

>>12512225
were you writing this to solid snake

[Anonymous No.12512308]

>>12511729
Are there characteristics which remind you of Spanish?

>>12511998
The heart of my journal is actually a coffee log with the occasional excerpt like what I posted. I'm big on cupping which might be confusing to people outside the hobby. Attached is today's.

Your diary seems honest and invested, Do you write daily and do you have something more recent to share?

>>12512074
I would love to see the physical manifestation of this. Do you still write regularly?

[Anonymous No.12512330]

>>12512308
I guess I just assumed Spanish because I'm in Texas (though I was thinking Spain). What really got me was the last line made me picture some foreigner lamenting isolation.

[Anonymous No.12512391]

>>12512149
I took it very seriously, like there was some idea there that needed to be put down, and it needed to have some message at the end. I was in a sort of schizophrenic fit. The two sides were being written together. The voices dictating my thoughts on the matter were extremes of personality. It seemed like the left was a really drunk guy at a music festival while the right was some old, whiny English teacher.
Looking back, the handwriting freaked me out because they're completely different. The left has marks everywhere and is messy, while the right side is "neat" and tiny. I can barely emulate it if I tried.
>>12512308
I still write at least once a week. Here it is. Pardon the terrible handwriting.
The top reads, "I have more to write about. I felt too loose outside. It was humid hot. I'm sweating through my hands on this paper. Remember the rest, ground yourself, fool. So after that girl dropped the food, 2 other people felt bad after she left and they cleaned up a bit for her. It's like 2 modes, inside is refined, cold, neat on my skin and now I'm here, dilute myself, green spots. Marching band went by, he could put on his shoes and we can go, maybe I will. We are arbiters of free will, we should go, where was I going"

[Anonymous No.12512404]

>>12512149
I took it very seriously, like there was some idea there that needed to be put down, and it needed to have some message at the end. I was in a sort of schizophrenic fit. The two sides were being written together. The voices dictating my thoughts on the matter were extremes of personality. It seemed like the left was a really drunk guy at a music festival while the right was some old, whiny English teacher.
Looking back, the handwriting freaked me out because they're completely different. The left has marks everywhere and is messy, while the right side is "neat" and tiny. I can barely emulate it if I tried.
>>12512308
I still write at least once a week. Here it is. Pardon the terrible handwriting.
The top reads, "I have more to write about. I felt too loose outside. It was humid hot. I'm sweating through my hands on this paper. Remember the rest, ground yourself, fool. So after that girl dropped the food, 2 other people felt bad after she left and they cleaned up a bit for her. It's like 2 modes, inside is refined, cold, neat on my skin and now I'm here, dilute myself, green spots. Marching band went by, he could put on his shoes and we can go, maybe I will. We are arbiters of free will, we should go, where was I going"

[Anonymous No.12512419]

>>12512308
I like the thought of keeping a journal with a more direct purpose, so I admire your coffee log. On that, what is cupping? For my own diary, I'm awful for keeping up with it, so it's rare for it to be updated daily unless I'm in some pervasive (and typically bad) mood. I try not to see my diary as a dumping ground for bad feelings, and I've been trying to keep that under better control with this iteration. Attached is the latest entry.

[Anonymous No.12512425]

Thursday, January 31st 2019
The New York Times informs its readers that the Fed Signals End of Interest Rate Increases
The Federal Reserve said it expected continued growth but, in a sharp reversal, indicated it stood ready either to increase or to reduce rates, depending on economic conditions
- I put off applying to a new job because my procrastination is telling me to stay miserable

[Anonymous No.12512439]

>>12512404
Don't break your neck.

[Anonymous No.12512620]

>>12512330
I have a lamentful disposition so you're spot on with that. Which diary post was yours?

>>12512404
>>12512439
Thanks anon, this is a gem. "I'm here" "I can still hear the drums" and "Remind" really jump out at me despite other words receiving more intentional emphasis. It's almost as if you were having a triple identity crisis.

Do you remember what you felt while writing, did the words flow right out of your hand?

>>12512419
I recommend trying it, you'd be surprised how difficult it is to write about something as abstract as taste on a regular basis. It's a good mental exercise and gives you something nice to reflect on at the end of the year without digging too deep into the personal vaults. Since my journal is a physical one I also like to include doodles of my brew setup + presentation to add something more intimate to the entry.

Cupping is a tasting technique that helps you observe the coffee you drink. Though not all coffee tasters practice it, personally I think it's been a great tool in learning how to identify different cultivars and origins.

>13c
I briefly misread that for -13 and sat in bewilderment at your durability. Was there anything specific about the girl which made her extra cute?

[Anonymous No.12512627]

>>12512620
I just made the half assed OP in class and talked about the mink dick.

[Anonymous No.12512639]

My diary desu, 1/20/18

I cant do nihilism, religion or hedonism at all

[Anonymous No.12512645]

>wed jan 30 2019
well im back to stone nothin. i dont know. i guess i dont care. i guess i hoped for this. i guess im giving up too soon. i’m not good at these things. i’m not real good at most. i beat off this morning and it was impossible to get any kind of horny. it was an industrial process. there’s nothing to beat off to anymore, but i still crave the release. the worse it gets the more i crave it, and so it’s a vicious cycle of unsatisfying releases. only drugs can seem to replace this, but then i only want to compound my high and i beat off anyway while i’m peaking. it’s all about peaks now. there’s nothing for me in this dull gray in between. probably i should stop masturbating for a while. do it like once a week. but i dont have that self control. i dunno. nothing from work either. my friends i dont think they like me. we go nowhere. we don’t know eachother anymore. probably we don’t like eachother. theres not much for me.

[Anonymous No.12512650]

>>12512645
Go for nature walks. They make me feel like I can change.

[Anonymous No.12512782]

>>12512620
>Do you remember what you felt while writing, did the words flow right out of your hand?
The left side did. I mulled over what to write for the right side constantly. It was something I had to forget about until the voice came nagging to me later in the back of my mind as I was thinking about something else. The last third of the right side wasn't written until after a night walk around the neighborhood and a few minutes sitting by myself.

[Anonymous No.12512834]

>>12510820
>12/4/18
I woke up this morning and walked out of my house at 6am. Saw a police cruiser sitting outside my driveway. Sometimes the cops will wait there for people running the stop sign, but it rubbed me the wrong way since I just had an encounter with the police.

[Anonymous No.12512891]

January 30th,
Stop being a faggot and do your work you lazy nigger. Jesus fucking christ why are you so retarded all you have to do is put the pen on paper, finger on keys, and do your goddamn work.

[Anonymous No.12512915]

fuck i just read some entries from my journal in 2010. Fuck it mad me depressed realizing how much things have changed since being a freshman in high school. Im glad i wrote down a few moments back then.

[Anonymous No.12513020]

>>12512915
Reading my lyrics before I had a horrible ego death acid trip that made me embarrass myself for 3 months in front of everyone I know kind of makes me glad it happen. I was shit and only had like one or two good songs.

[Anonymous No.12513547]

>>12512149
>Do you still keep a diary? If so: what's it like now?
A lot less constant despondency, a lot more attempting to synthesize ideas.

Dec 17, 2018
An interesting concept was explained to me, that language is entirely reductionist in nature, for they are merely symbols of ideas and concepts. This I knew, but the postulation that such things are inherently violence towards self seems a bit absurd at face value. I can agree with this however, if the context is to become anarcho-primitivist or something similar. To force ourselves to conform to society's whim not only requires its constituents to kill off anything non-conforming (physical damage stemming from rage, etc.), but also gives us tools in which we are not fully allowed to utilize them, and are even discouraged to use them in many cases (language at work, etc.). It seems to have base if one were to postulate that society as a whole is inherently anti-human in nature, as it forces a being to exist in a way against its nature. However, the greatest one can achieve by being as human as humanly possible (les enfant sauvage) is merely "king" of a county-sized area of land. The greatest one can achieve by being as involved with society as required is beyond comprehension. The exchange between civil and genuine humanity (for lack of better terms) is one I am willing to think about further.

[Anonymous No.12513622]

7/16/2016
I wish I had recorded a dream I had had a few days ago -- in it I was shot a few times in the chest. I dont remember if I was dying, but I was looking down, my shirt off, at my pale frail body with bloody holes in it, clotting and thick with singed tissue and muscle, and, inextricably [I probably meant "inexplicably"], the flat ends of the bullets showing, as it I had worn a bullet proof vest.

>>12511592
:(
>>12512834
What was the encounter ?

[Anonymous No.12513792]

>>12512620
I don't really know what it was about the extra cute girl. Her and her friends seemed to be dressed for a winter hike or something, and I think the one in particular had long, dark brown hair. She was just one of those people I feel compelled to look at.
>>12513020
What was the trip like, and how'd you embarrass yourself?

[Anonymous No.12513864]

>September 23 2015
Still there which is odd Damn I was fucked at the lib bathroom on way in and out Floor seems to drag on its will And then by the psych building (fitting) it was like no way cancel And that fat chick I followed for what seemed like years No I'm good Sit down the legs exert steam pumps and he goes o no then He starts flashing in his place transportations appearing on his vision and falling onto each other lining up and it is like singulation just almost hit they are plastic overhead cards Damn open your eyes yeah you are okay and a thought gods through this mind "im writing this as much for them as I am me" and you hear a confused laugh twist up into a double helix from where each bar pops like a balloon Music sounds better when I'm dying and it goes inside of my head He wears an orange divers helmet and that his job Far eastern side Right because I got direction labels mixed up but also therefore right because his N was pointing the wrong way Must rock I FEEL IT He lives an entire lifetime as a blue and purple bean bag which sold sludges in the underground nightclubs until he realized he station the nightclub was on as one of his own which shattered the illusion as a dream falls apart when you discover one detail as unrealistic And he remembers his Internet forums oh god why the guilt about Internet forums Came from a world 1990 Early Internet He felt guilt suddenly about the ownership of so many posts on so many messages and if someone could want they could study his speech formation and his patterns and find every post he ever wrote on those websites and that anonymity doesn't exist

[Anonymous No.12514024]

>>12513792
Trip was perfect I peaked outside in the morning grass with my bestfriends listening to great music.
But I didn't go to sleep, and then I went to the mall and had a great time with everyone there had tons of laughs and talked with strangers like I've always been shy to. Then I started writing this manifesto about how trust was a stage of consciousness akin to a biological singularity, and that the next stage of human evolution was rooted in simply being nicer to eachother. The idea being that people being open with one another would enhance the speed of information exchange.

It's really cliche to say you're being followed by the government, and I hate that part the most, because I never said "oh lookie the government is following me" one night my mom told me people were after me.
Highlights of this experience

-(I'm a terrible driver) me turning into some shitty lane last minute when this 18 wheeler starts coming up to me and this black car pulls right in front of it and slams its breaks.

-After smoking a joint driving around campus and noticing all the roads were blocked off by police and the only car in front of me was a big jeep that said "*my university* cheerleader" and the only person in it was this insanely ripped dude with those silly straw ear things secret service members carry

- back into some chicks car just as she coming out of a restraunt and SHE apologizes to me profusely and I leave with no repercussions.

-Made the entire 3 hours drive to my school behind a black police car called an interceptor and fuck i just remembered the craziest part

I was trying to stop at this awesome beef jerky place and the flashing highway signs literally said "EXIT NOW". Another thing I remembered when it first happened and I thought my house was bugged I said (I was a huge dick about the whole affair) "I'm just going to call you bastards god" and like weeks later when I took that 3 hour trip I brought my friend who said he was gonna go to a rave that day. I told him what happened to the rave and he said it was an act of god and he winked at me.

Sorry for unloading this rush of memories. I used to say they make your life crazy so when you try and be honest about it you sound crazy.

[Anonymous No.12514186]

>>12511554
>emotionally gay
this is what's wrong with masculinity

[Anonymous No.12514562]

>june 25, 2018
youre going through the standard process of socialization if late and slow. you are honing in on a True Self. people turned on you when you were a deceiver, offering a mask, which worked only for so long. when you offer the true self, there will be nothing to hide, nothing to lose. first i was a stern and quiet, not because that was my temper, but because i was afraid to be anything else. i was always on the defensive, i couldn’t connect with anyone because i did not open myself up. i wonder if the people around me had any notion that i was holding back, or if they just thought of me as content or uncomplicated. i could converse only at great detail, lecture moreso, to audiences whose approval i already knew i would have. then, i fought against this reflex, i opened myself up not in honesty but in reception, i made myself passive, a blank slate onto which anyone could project someone they liked and off who anyone could bounce their thoughts. i became perhaps too trusting, even if it was a false kind of trusting, a trusting in action and not spirit, a naivete to them, a kind of gambling to me, i became ultimately too sycophantic, far too passive, i gave too many people the pass in the name of open mindedness. attempting to grow i began to lose who i was, lose the ability to stand up for myself. this was necessary for me, it was a state that allowed for error and experience, but it was a move too far away from the True Self towards a generality, a multipurpose model of a self. i got hung up on language and cultural identity because they were easy gestures toward friendship and a kind of nonpartisan intimacy. i would catch myself copying the way others spoke. i was wearing disguises.

(1/2)

[Anonymous No.12514568]

>>12514562
the True Self must come through assertion, and not vulgar assertion. the True Self is inherently flawed, you must accept this, you must come down from your place of ambiguity, let yourself be defined, objectified, and criticized, and then perhaps you can truly change and improve. because here’s the thing, people like True Selves. people like people who get on their nerves and transgress. people like people they can define and understand and separate into good and bad halves. you cannot fear criticism. you have tried for so long to be a nobody man. to be neither this nor that, to leave every door open. but people forget you, and why shouldn’t they? they see a man who has lost his True Self. they see nobody there at all. you must be strong enough to take the risk of imposition, you must be confident that unless shown otherwise, what you think is right is to be taken as right. why can you not take orders from yourself? why are you so afraid to show your confidence to the world? in private you are a self reliant man. in public, you become weak, silent, or compromising. you must be honest to be a man. your greatest pains bely your greatest vulnerabilities, your defensive cursing and turning away from them ignores the source of the pain and turns to hatred for those who show you who you are. if they are onto you, ask why you must stay in hiding from yourself?

(2/2)