Write what's on your mind.

[Anonymous No.12462637]

Tell /lit/ about your thoughts anon

[Anonymous No.12462720]

I get a weird feeling and i obsess about a game/movie/tv-series/anime when i finish watching it.
Its like i'm more interested in it once i've finished watching/playing it. I cannot stop thinking about the lore and personality of the characters/story.
Thank god it goes away after a few days, but sometimes when its something i've watched for a few weeks/months such as an anime or a tv-series it can stay for weeks.

[Anonymous No.12463705]

Thank god i have friends

[Anonymous No.12463761]

I met this girl on tinder over 2 weeks ago, since then we've messaged each other consistently morning to evening, every single day. We haven't met in person yet because she lives about an hour away but we've made plans to do so next week. There's been a lot of flirting, she's obviously into me, and both of us are pulling our weight in the conversation equally.

I haven't touched tinder since then but I do check my notifications. Woke up this morning to a message so I check, don't respond, but then I click on feed... and it shows that the girl I've been talking to for 2 weeks now without pause just updated her tinder bio. She added a flirty line and emojis of some hobbies which we've been discussing.

I don't know what to think right now but I'm a bit hurt honestly. It's stupid to be this attached to someone I've never met, but I've spent hours upon hours talking to her. Should I read into this at all or is it just a careless bio update because she's bored?

[Anonymous No.12463797]

I am getting better but will never feel better. Just another element I have to get used to.

[Anonymous No.12463828]

Life wasn't supposed to turn out this way

[Anonymous No.12463834]

>>12463761

Be chill anon. It's all good - don't overthink it.

Just keep chatting and meet up with her like you said and see how things go.

[Anonymous No.12463885]

>>12463761

maybe you're being catfished

>added a flirty line and emojis of some hobbies which we've been discussing

Reelin you in

[Anonymous No.12463894]

>>12462637
Wrote this for a critique thread that died. How can i improve as a writer, everything I try to write comes out like this. Thanks in advance.
https://youtu.be/Wt88GMJmVk0
Sarah stood defensively with her back to a recently erected exposed brick wall, a beer in one hand and the secondmost recent iphone model in the other. Bored. This event blended her old high school friends, a group of stick-and-poked landlords, couriers, class-action lawsuit winners, and community college poets, with her work friends- namely, the front of house for a danish modernist furniture store. Slingers of loosely bauhaus teapots to the aspirational fifteen percent of the nearby urban core. In this professional context a timeline paradox is highly probable and care must be taken as each thirty five year old trophy mom customer negotiates with herself from a decade in the past over minimalist black leather ottomen for the loft.
Three craft beers drunk, three empty bottles in the recycling bin. Her bladder stretches to accommodate the IPA and informs her of a need to drain, which she responds to positively as both relief and a chance to break away from some conversation. The bathroom door is visible from here, partially ajar.
She steps towards it, grips the knob tightly (pulls, it's loose in the door frame. errant screwdriver could remove it), and opens it. Eyes.
A young man sits on the toilet, vulnerably spotted midshit. His mouth is open in a silent cream, he freezes in the midst of massaging his soft, now-retreating penis while the light from his samsung galaxy s8 shines into his large brown eyes. ambient sounds of exaggerated female moans and masculine grunts can be perceived from the device. A scruffed beard covers his chin and neck, a thin mustache decorates his pursed upper lip. Sarah steps back from the scene. Waits for the door to close. A beat passes, it does not.
The telltale sound a pantless young man shuffling, of a vintage belt buckle rattling against the top button of levi's skinny jeans, emanates from the bathroom. Door does not close. She realizes the lemma.
From the toilet, given the occupant's shorter arm span, he must stand up and shuffle a few steps to close the door to the bathroom. Jesus, he's going to take a second to close this door.
Shuffling continues, and Sarah acts. Stepping back onto the grouty white tile she re-exposes herself to the scene inside the bathroom. The man is bent over, grasping the inside knob of the door with his arm entirely extended, elbow straightened and parallel to the ground. The silhouette of a shit clearly visible between his legs, next to that of his small testicles. She grasps the knob from her side and pulls the door shut quickly, a twist of her trunk as she steps away from the bathroom. Sarah goes upstairs, uses the host's restroom.
Inside the bathroom, Noah ponders how to reattach the door handle, which he now holds, and finishes his poo.

[Anonymous No.12463898]

what is autonomous art?

[Anonymous No.12463918]

>>12462637
I've come to the realisation that MDMA abuse has destroyed my mind.
I've become incredibly stupid and my memory is near none existent.
It's painful having the same hobbies and intellectual pursuits but being unable to experience them like i once did.
I've been clean for 2 years now.

[Anonymous No.12463944]

>>12462637
I sometimes think of trying to write as I've always had a large imagination. I'm often daydreaming of "scenes" and "mini-stories" with characters or some initial idea. My problem lies in fleshing out an actual story from an initial idea. A story should have a point apart from just the initial idea or gimmick but I'm not exactly sure how to make progress on this. I think I want to focus on short stories first and build from there.

[Anonymous No.12463997]

>>12463705
This post made me feel sad

[Anonymous No.12464218]

>>12463885
No definitely not, I've done some snooping.

>>12463834
Alright thanks, I'm mean we're still talking just as much and we just re-emphasized plans to meet next week. Just annoys me a bit...

[Anonymous No.12464272]

>>12463918
What do you mean by mdma abuse?Like once a week for 5 years straight?

[Anonymous No.12464288]

>>12463918
lsd killed my ability to make friends for like 10 years, i did a lot of lsd and it was amazing, but it really does fuck you up, dissolves your ego and ability to connect with others, basically gave me autism plus paranoia, now that im old im slowly turning normie again but the best years of my life passed

[Anonymous No.12464307]

is illuminatus trilogy just an off-brand gravity's rainbow or should i read it? i wanna read something not that serious, i can only take so much asspained serious shit in a row

[Anonymous No.12464313]

>>12464272
2g a week for 2 years straight.

>>12464288
>basically gave me autism plus paranoia
Had a really bad ego trip on weed once
>inb4 can't trip on weed,
Had an outer body experience on it, and became self-critical analysing myself and my actions. It's fucked with me hard. Been experimenting with shrooms. It's always a bad trip but I'm thinking there is some underlying thought process that I need to finish. Trip my way out of it. It's obviously not medical practice. But that could just be because psychedelics haven't really been researched much.

[Anonymous No.12464586]

>>12464288
I remember this one hippy dude at college. He kept taking more and more LSD. Eventually however his mind caved and he started having this creepy wet-eyed look about him all the time, and this same smile plastered on his face no matter the situation.

Eventually I came to find out that he dropped out and became some type of fundamentalist Christian and abandoned his whole free love persona. Even though he was openly bisexual he then became a gay basher. At least he found something to keep him on a sober track.

Not sure if the course of events leading from his mind collapse to conversion to fundamentalism is telling.

Gotta use that stuff sparingly.

[Anonymous No.12464934]

for fuck's sake, it was never this hard for me to write before, now I can't write a fucking page without deleting it

[Anonymous No.12465093]

I've always detested school. It was a torture for me. Every subject we learn we disconnected. Nobody actually cared about the matter, all they cared about was finishing the work so they could go on doing what ever they liked doing.
It is so stupid. I always felt way over it. I started skipping school when I was 14 years old. I skipped more than 200 classes that year. Then, they changed the rules so you would take back the school time you missed during the weekend. I could skip classes as much.
But that was only high school. I later realized that high school was only a huge IQ test while getting socialized at the same time.
College was even worse. It wasn't an IQ test anymore, you actually had work to do. I never worked so it was difficult for me. I dropped the first session, came back, changed specialization, changed again, finished with shit grade.
I still got in the universities I apply for. I say universities in plural because I dropped the first one (business). I then went into another one (psychology). I thought I was genuinely interested by the human mind, but it was all pseudo-science roasties filled major. It didn't help that they made me share this residence with another person. Seriously, 2 guys in one bedroom? This should be illegal. I got out.
And the work load. The work load is even worse than college.
I am educated, just not by the schools I went to.
I read a lot, on many different subjects, because I am truly interested to learn about those.
I hate being told what to do. I hate being forced into doing boring stuff. I hate doing like everyone else.
I believe in innate-knowledge and innate-science, because as humans, as this living organism that we are, we evolved for millions of years, even billions, under the same rules that everything else evolved. We are all part of this same thing and we cannot escape it. And that same thing cannot escape from me.
Now I found that office job with a good pay for a young adult with me. I will work all day and keep educating myself with the amazing lectures that you can find all over youtube. I will keep impressing my friends with my knowledge on all those subject and keep discussing with those who are truly interested.
I will also go back to school, but I don't know where and what. If some anons have interesting knowledge about schools and majors, please share. I want to hear your opinions.

[Anonymous No.12465097]

Masterbated to trans porn again. I think I'm prison gay. Dating women has become such a challenge to my mind that I think it might be easier or less anxiety inducing to date a man or a transwoman. I don't understand and actually fear women. My parents were so against me having relationships during high school that I missed a critical development period and missed the boat on straightness. My dad isn't very masculine and never really taught me anything about being a man. Never dated at all during high school so I crossdressed and indulged in autogynephilia as a consolation prize. Pathetic, I know. Anyone else have a similar experience?

[Anonymous No.12465180]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY CAN'T I JUST CASUALLY DIE

[Anonymous No.12465208]

>>12465097
Im 20 and im a KHV, and i think i can relate. I started fapping and watching porn regularly(once or twice a day) when i was 11, and by age 13 i was already into tranny shit. I think i never had a interest in women because i fapped so much.
Lately i've been so bored of "pretending" to be the guy in porn that i started to fantasize about being the girl getting fucked, and its hot AF.
I know for a fact that I'm not trans, i enjoy being male and all the things that come with it...

[Anonymous No.12465211]

>>12465097
Yes, but my dad was quite masculine, and my parents never prevented me from being in relationships (though I never had any). You're over complicating things. It's a sexual coping mechanism that grows out of self-alienation. You are straight, you are attracted to women, but because you never had (or never sought strongly enough) a chance to purge these desires in the pure object you must wind them up in the subject-object, the body. You make a woman out of yourself because you are so desperate to have a woman.

It gets better. I haven't had sex in five years. One learns to live with it, accept oneself. A lot of people are too mediocre to be sexually deviant.

[Anonymous No.12465290]

>>12465211
>>12465208
>>12465097
Much like cigarettes, the toll that unlimited free porn has taken since becoming available to pretty much everyone will become dreadfully obvious.

[Anonymous No.12465305]

>TFW you realize you're a terribly paranoid person who acts on basis of pure suspicion without any reasonable subsistence and you will more than likely die alone
>TFW the person I love is probably going to end up reading this thread
I wish I knew what you were thinking at all times, and maybe it's better to know the truth than to know nothing at all.

[Anonymous No.12465329]

I'm an idiot for thinking this time would actually be different. Wrong as usual. And here I thought I'd escaped my naive, delusional oneitis.

[Anonymous No.12465339]

I want to die

[Anonymous No.12465884]

the best feeling in the world is being tired and then going to bed

[Anonymous No.12465906]

>>12465339
“Nam Sibyllam quidem Cumis ego ipse oculis meis vidi
in ampulla pendere, et cum illi pueri dicerent: Σίβνλλα τί ϴέλεις; respondebat illa: άπο ϴανεΐν ϴέλω.”

[Anonymous No.12465926]

>>12465884
Best feeling in the world is smoking a cigarette surrounded by your teammates in the 15 minute break between game 4 and game 5 of the TI8 finals

[Anonymous No.12466679]

>>12462637
If shaving is about looking more like a woman, is it also about being more like a woman?

[Anonymous No.12466981]

>>12465926
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDW0IE-EgCs

[Anonymous No.12466996]

lots of people wrote some positive things about women today on /lit/ and I'm very grateful for that.

[Anonymous No.12467004]

>>12466981
socialism would fix this infantile society

[Anonymous No.12467010]

>>12467004
hello discordfag

[Anonymous No.12467086]

>>12462637
I should get started on my End-of-Degree Project. Datelines approach me, yet I get nothing done. Why am I like this? I spend hours doing nothing of use; I merely browse 4chan, watch a movie from time to time, or read. How will I ever get economical independence following this routine? How will I cope when I get an 8-hours job?

[Anonymous No.12467112]

>>12465093
At least it all turned up nice in the end. You got that good job, some frineds and enough spare time.

>>12466981
based

[Anonymous No.12467158]

Gotta love the skepticism of the layman. "This author can't be really right? Right? How much of this stuff is made up? I have to read the other side of the story first." Being skeptical of what you read is nice and all, but believing that an author can invent events and things out of whole cloth is a different thing entirely. Such skepticism is a sign of a small brain trying to hide its inferiority. I have this friend who came up with this theory that since everyone is biased and history is written by the victors you should just stick with your ethnic/national tribe and support them no matter what and even if you know them to be wrong or morally inferior, because since we live in a tribal world with each looking out for his own you might just as well punch whomever your tribe tells you.

[Anonymous No.12467197]

I believe the IQ of the average /lit/ poster is around the 85-100 range.

[Anonymous No.12467211]

>>12463761
It's tinder, you two haven't even met-up yet, what else do you expect? In fact I'd recommend you to do the same and start trying to talk and flirt with other girls too, it's going to spare you some pain in case anything go wrong, and you won't be as clingy.

[Anonymous No.12467361]

>>12467197
It's clear that if that poster isn't trolling that he is new to /lit/ which hardly makes him a /lit/ poster. And anyways, IQ is a measure of intelligence, knowing 19th century russian authors does not make you intelligent.

[Anonymous No.12467389]

>>12464313
>psychedelics haven't really been researched much.
yeah, cause your really into actually digging for research.

[Anonymous No.12467408]

>>12462720
It's normal but I've never met someone IRL who reflects on media like this. When I talk to people about this stuff they don't seem like they were invested in the game, movie, etc. Maybe I'm truly autistic.

[Anonymous No.12467418]

I was surprised by how exciting it felt to see a story finally taken form as a proper chapterred outline with all the pieces in place, and only the final touches of taking all the writing and put it in format left to do. As simple and short a story as it is I feel more liking for it than any other story.

[Anonymous No.12467461]

>>12467408
>Don't kill my market!
The backend is full of reasons to have anyone manipulated by others for your own entertainment. I can use your frames or anothers to destroy the trust you have with your friends and family. I can use pictures of your family and friends to make you ashamed, to make you alienated. I can target you with ads. I can watch you in my office. I can turn those people in your life against you by controlling and monitoring the perspectives of others in positions of authority. I can interfere with you life because I am part of the will of the majority in my democracy. I am not a tyrant or a fascist because I said so and you will obey or at least speak as though in agreement with me.

[Anonymous No.12467477]

I'm not smart, maybe not even average. My parents and teachers helped me trick myself into thinking I'm a genius. Maybe I had potential back then, but I was never challenged and raised incorrectly so everyone else ended up surpassing me.

I've never seriously studied before and I don't feel like I've won an award that I deserved since I was 8 or 9. I've spent years being unemployed and have no skills or accomplishments to my name. I'm trying to apply for university because I'm so insecure about going from "clever" to brainlet. I really just want to prove to myself that I can put in the hours to become a better person and make something of myself.

[Anonymous No.12467488]

>>12467461
If you are referencing something I don't get it.

[Anonymous No.12467503]

Holy fuck, I have my first vacation from work in years and not even two days in this fucking bitch is already spamming me with text messages begging me to come back to help because she's a fucking brain-dead incompetent boomer worm who can't figure basic computer functions despite spending all day on fucking Facebook, I hate you so fucking much, I swear if I could I would crush your orbital bone with a hammer swing and kill you instantly. This demonic hag has been single-handedly killing any chance of a moment of peace for me for over 6 years, you were spawned from the devil's womb and the devil's semen and you came to this world to torment people, this is why you're fucking 55 years old and still single.

[Anonymous No.12467513]

>>12464218
Read Molière's The School for Wives.

[Anonymous No.12467523]

I think:
Writing literature, shooting film, developing a game - these are all too much effort to put life to ideas. Rather, to put ideas in a physical catalogue of any medium, (other than personal documentation for recollection purposes, of course) is pointless in the view of oneself, if only seeking personal pleasures. The payoff of having other persons experiencing your 'works' is not as pleasing as living the works yourself, say, vicariously through hallucinogenic substances and such so.

Existence is a bit bleak, why bring the colours of idea into a slab of dull reality for any purpose at all? Attempt to bring the slab some joy?

Don't bother with the slab at all, but forgoe responsibility as equally as possible and dive into the brainsphere of concepts and unmatched enjoyment.

im gay lmao pwnage

[Anonymous No.12467788]

>>12467503
Turn off your phone

[Anonymous No.12467848]

>>12467477
good luck. I used to think I was a brainlet, parents and teachers fed me the same rethoric of how im clever and just didnt apply myself but I understood this was just them encouraging me to work harder, didnt actually mean anything. Anyways I manage to get into university but my mentality was Id just drop out after 1 year because Im clearly not university material. Ended up discovering Im actually not a brainlet, and if I enjoy what Im doing I can actually accomplish goals. This was the number 1 thing university taught me, that if I put in the time and energy I can actually understand and solve difficult problems

[Anonymous No.12467987]

Memories are kind. They live in the suburbs, chirps and perfume flasks. When I selfishly tread into their dwellings I am greeted by warmth. They let me interrogate them, but always yield more questions than answers. I don't mind though; it gives me more to think of and more scenarios to flesh out. They never let me down and never demand anything of me, unlike their lukewarm origins that I'll rather avoid lest anything leak out.

[Anonymous No.12468038]

>>12462637
How do I cope with the fact I’ll never be anything? All my life I was this excellent writer, good student, handsome, a romantic.

Now I’m 30. I’ve had a few lame stories published. I have no drive. I have a fiancé but we’re both probably settling. I sit in an office all day. Im clearly not heading in any desirable direction. I’ll just have a kid, work, and then die. Feels bad.

[Anonymous No.12468075]

Give me your philosophy and wisdom books to read /lit/
I’m ready

[Anonymous No.12468100]

As a more introverted creative person, I enjoy being alone. For the past 3 years I have slowly alienated myself from larger crowd of friends (while still keeping contact with the closest homies). Mainly because I was just chilling, smoking weed regularly, didn't wish to drink, trip or party anymore. Instead I was skipping highschool and researching things on different topics, art, politics, films, music, religion, philosophy etc. Now I feel like my confidence and motivation is coming back. I have started creating mind blowing visuals for my exhibition which will be held next year. 2019 is a great year for collecting the gathered information and ideas to bring them to life.

[Anonymous No.12468173]

>>12467389
This. The only reason why hippies want them to be researched is to make them legal.

[Anonymous No.12468231]

>>12463894
I'm no einstein but are you sure you're not overexplaining things? It kinda feels like you're screenwriting for a movie (She steps towards it, grips the knob and opens it) instead of a book where you have the power of abstraction to imply things rather than spelling it outright.
I am by no means qualified to critique you so take it with a pinch of salt.

[Anonymous No.12468383]

>>12468038
I'm only 26 and nowhere near settling down but otherwise my life is much like this and this is one of the biggest fears in my life, and no matter what I do it can't seem to bring any other outcome for my future.

[Anonymous No.12468445]

A month ago I had a terrible experience when I made a conscious choice to open up to a girl and after being all depressed/melancholy I have met a new girl and she is a sweetheart and I really like her but just comparing our interactions to the girl from before I can see that I've gone back to being the guarded liar I always have been even though all the signs are there that this girl is much better for me, I feel like she deserves the same openness that I regret giving in the first place but I can't bring myself to do it, am I being a coward/quitter to shell myself up in stoicism/cynicism now or is this what it feels like to be wiser/more mature with my emotions and attitude toward relationships?

I feel like I have learned, or at least that I should have learned something, but I cannot see what it is, only the change in my behaviour and what appears like unfair treatment to someone who seems genuine enough to deserve better and that I really would like to treat better

[Anonymous No.12468547]

I'm right now going through a cycle of thinking that I'm going crazy for no reason other than my obsessive thoughts about me going crazy. if any of you have experienced something similar and knows how to break out of the loop before I actually lose my mind, I would be grateful

[Anonymous No.12468563]

>no amount of books read will get me closer to her

;_;

[Anonymous No.12468570]

Breaking frame is merely acting in a disreputable manner. A disreputable manner is insulting, yelling, showing great anger, or sadness, and acting like a fool during these times. Why, for what other reason besides weakness, would something move a man, who is supposed to be strong, to great rage, and great sadness, moving him to destruction, or tissue. Let us dry our eyes. Let us restrain ourselves. Not superficially, but by surviving disaster, by walking through the fire of discipline. I promise, my friend, my brother, let us walk through the fire that has been lit. Let me be the one who pours the gasoline. Let me smile in the face of dread. Let me laugh in the face of pain. Let me glamour in the face of agony. Let me be… let us be… Man

[Anonymous No.12468580]

>>12468383
The more I try to break out of it the harder it gets. If nothing happens by 35 ill toss myself in a river.

Good luck mate.

[Anonymous No.12468581]

>>12468547
ERP therapy. You can do it Yourself.

[Anonymous No.12468582]

>>12463761
Don't fall for any girl on tinder, brother.

Any girl on tinder has taken major dick already.

Judging by your sensitivity, you are not as experienced around women. And this is not anything to be ashamed of, I admire you.

Forget women for now, and go become a man. Become a man by withstanding physical pain. Maybe you should join Jiu-Jitsu.

[Anonymous No.12468585]

>>12468547
https://slatestarcodex.com/2018/10/15/the-chamber-of-guf/
This article really helped me to understand why I have OCD and how to deal with it

[Anonymous No.12468591]

>>12468585
Brother, this article helped me understand MY anxiety too!

>>12468547
Listen to >>12468585

[Anonymous No.12468660]

>>12468591
Glad to be of help!

[Anonymous No.12468680]

>>12468660
The article did not help me right now, but the article has helped me in the past. I am actually cured now. I was only giving you recognition for competent information providing

[Anonymous No.12468714]

Here is something I wrote, I will contribute to my brothers.

Man must be like steel his values. Man must act in one way and one single way only; never wavering who he is from place to place and person from person.
In this way man must be like a sky scraper. This is integrity.
When a sky scraper is built properly, with a solid foundation and proper girder placement, even under tremendous pressure, even when the storm comes, even when he hears the roars of distant thunder and is struck by lightning: he will not waver. He will not bend. He will not change form. Not for event, not for person, not for place.
I learned the above not only from the fountain head, but from Jiu-Jitsu. I noticed that I act in certain way on the mats, and act differently off the mats. It has been said to me that who you are on the mats is who you must be everywhere. It only stuck me today: The mats of the gym where I attend, participating in countless hours of showing respect, taking direction, learning technique, sucking up tears, encouraging weaker brothers, and using deadly force stopping millimeters before a serious break – the mats never end. The entire world is the gym, the mats simply turn from soft cushions to hard cement floors. The way I act in my gym I will act everywhere, never wavering from who this person is. Not at home, not for friends, not for my girlfriend, not for neighbors, not at stores, and not at work. In the gym I show respect. In the gym I try. I concentrate, I fight. I win, I lose. I encourage, I grow. I speak in a deeper tone, speaking confidently and precisely – answering so all can hear.

[Anonymous No.12468717]

>>12468582
>Don't fall for any girl on tinder,

Where the fuck do you meet women as an adult then that's any better? All i do is go to work.

[Anonymous No.12468729]

>>12468717
If you're still talking on tinder after this long you are the one letting the relationship down

Get her number and call her or something, right now you are just another quest on a text adventure app, and it is your fault because you have given her nothing to differentiate you from the rest of the idiots messaging her who are actually moving things forward

[Anonymous No.12468736]

The belts in Jiu-Jitsu are earned, they are not given freely. White, blue, purple, brown, and black – with 4 white stripes required before proceeding to the next belt. Each of these take about two years to earn if you train three times per week. The merit-based skill that a blue belt, or purple belt requires is sometimes subjective. Different skills, different technique, different sizes and weights, different body types, different genders: however, it is always earned. During a belt test you are brought to tears. They don’t say blood, sweat and tears for no reason. You are pushed, or dragged, quite literally by your teammate, who up until now you have had a rivalry with, only to be quite glad for his support when you need it most. Men who are 6’7 are brought to tears. Women who are 5’7 are crying. You are going to lose all the fights. There is no winning. Only surviving.
In this way we must regulate love, respect, money, and rank.
Love must be earned, respect too. True love, and true respect, never fade. Not from the heat of the moment, not under pressure, and not when you see a sexy woman who is flirty. You cannot force or demand these things. If you do, in this way you will be like a thug, demanding respect and resorting to violence when none is granted. True belts don’t lose technique. Fake love, and fake respect, is the equivalent of a fresh out of bed white belt acting and speaking like a black belt. Put against a real black belt, a white belt will lose every single time.

>>12468717
Not sure, still answering this myself. Just not on tinder. A great many relationships do not work out on there, there have been studies done. Also, the bottom 80 percent of women chase the top 20 percent of men. You're chances are not good. When the system is rigged against you, shrug.

[Anonymous No.12468741]

We have all heard of the lotto winners who lose all of the winnings, ending up in a worst position than before. Their money was not earned. What is not earned is not respected. People faking job resumes for a job and position they cannot hold will be revealed. The unearned, fake and manipulated will vanish like vapor. The earned, true and real will withstand like pillar. We must genuinely become people worth respecting. We must genuinely become people worth loving. I have noticed men are unlovable, men are only capable of being respected. I have noticed women are generally un-respectable, if she is respectable, she will not be interested in the man. Women are only capable of being loved.

In the same way pressure is put on a man in jiu jitsu, pressure is put on man by people, especially women, all the time. Don’t tap to pressure. Wait for something she gives you, and work with that. People try to control the dynamic. People use label and identity to make you conform to who they want you to be. The way frame works is you tell the world this is who I am, and you will react to me. Not the other way around.

[Anonymous No.12468752]

Man must be like water in his execution and technique, giving his enemies nothing solid to counter against. In the dance of life, let us give rhythm, only to change it when least expected. If you freeze up in a roll you are quickly swept off balance and thrown on the ground, giving your opponent the upper hand and quite literally top position.
In man’s discipline he must be like this also: When water meets stone, over enough time, it can hollow out colossal caverns that span for miles. In this way man must never give up, he must be consistent. He must understand that time will pass. Nothing good comes in a single day. He must dedicate all his effort to a single or very few tasks over a life time to achieve. He must know what to dedicate his life to. If he lacks love for these tasks, he will not have the strength for this effort.
All effort on man’s part is experienced as work. Therefore, it is crucial to find something worth suffering for. Something worth bearing the pain, the load, and dedicating the time and effort to achieving.

[Anonymous No.12468773]

>>12462637
I made up my mind.
My family name will die with me.
Considering the future that awaits the upcoming generations, I want to die out completely, both my body and will must cease .
Not even a fragment of my consciousness and the collective effort of my predecesors has to survive in the conscience of my offspring.
I am the epitaph and last witness of it all, here I cut the ties.

[Anonymous No.12468805]

>>12462637
I don't think I can forgive myself for years of porn addiction. I feel that throught the years I rewired my brain with this artificial pleasure, being unable to stand up to self inflicted pavlovian conditioning. Somaesque pleasure, every day, with bigger or smaller doses. I wasted best years of life, my mid 20s gone, my addiction became a part of me, perversion was the ultimate goal, and ultimate reward for not addtending life. Kink mechanism was perfectly crafted, with self hate and feeling pathetic oiled its gears. And the worst thing is, it hasn't even been 24 hours since the last dive into the ocean of artificial stimuli.

[Anonymous No.12468811]

>>12468805
This is not the essence of you, this is a man made essence that is open to change, if you are able to commit the effort. I believe in you, brother. If you need strength, join Jiu-Jitsu.

[Anonymous No.12468886]

>>12468585
>>12468591
Thanks guys, I think that could be helpful. It's a relief at least.

[Anonymous No.12468900]

>>12468886
Yeah, its a relief. Its a new fucking compulsion is what it is.

Go read up on ERP therapy and do it Yourself or find a therapist (it is brutal, but it works).

[Anonymous No.12468989]

>>12467523
What an embarrassing post. You are just conscious of how bad you are at writing (evident from this post) and too lazy to get better, so you developed this line of reasoning to justify it.

[Anonymous No.12469166]

there ain't no point
ther aint' no menaing to writing this down
but i'll sya it
we are, all of us
empty jars
epmty jars, with no sculptor
no purpose, no meaning
and we ain't ever gonna be filled
life is just one bi8g gordian knot
and ain't no one got the balls to cut throught it

[Anonymous No.12469202]

Sometimes when I think about the things I'm gonna have to accomplish in life, finish school, start career, meet girl, etc, I feel some excitmenet
But most of the time whenI think of those things, I just think how much easier it would be to die

[Anonymous No.12469298]

>>12468773
Well said. Anti-natalism is the true and final blackpill,

[Anonymous No.12469439]

>>12468989
Kill yourself niggerfaggot

[Anonymous No.12469453]

>>12469298
kys

[Anonymous No.12469636]

>>12462637
ethan smithers is probably the best writer I have ever come across

[Anonymous No.12469763]

>>12469439
Wew... sure is high school in here today

[Anonymous No.12469876]

I wish there were a way to participate in science and research without participating in university. I want to be involved in my expertise but I do not want to go to American college. When I talk with scientists and researchers, it's like the research comes secondary to networking within academia. If you're not postgrad phD EdD etc, nobody cares and it doesn't matter and you aren't allowed to be involved. Even internships and the like are all barred behind being a student/undergrad of some sort, assuming my level of education was equal to someone enrolled it's very frustrating to not be allowed to participate just because I don't attend university.
I thought college was supposed to provide a higher education to citizens and allow people interested in higher ed to congregate in a place conducive to the pursuit of knowledge, but instead it's just a hotbed of social-rank climbers and elitists, but not the healthy kind of elitism. Makes it feel kind of pointless to study anything scientific outside of school.

[Anonymous No.12469890]

i was just peacefully wasting my time watching skatevideos on youtube when i foolishly looked at the comments and saw something about jesse viero catching charges for beating up a security guard, so i google around, and watch some news reports from sf of him knocking out some old security guard with his board, and then getting arrested for attempted murder and assault with a deadly weapon when the security guard had to have part of his skull removed to relieve the bleeding, and viero has been denied bail by the judge...triggered all kinds of flashbacks to every criminal activity i engaged in as a young skater, some of which i was charged for and other i excaped, pretty sure the statute of limitations is up by now, but if they can ruin kavanaughs life for being in the same house as a slut 30 years ago, why couldn't they character assassinate me for getting in a scuffle with a security guard half a lifetime ago, i'm sure everything is fine but i still feel the stress hormone levels spiking in my body and rotting my brain further

[Anonymous No.12469913]

>>12469876
ok first of all edDs are a fucking joke, you can do them online in your spare time, there is nothing "scientific" going on with edDs, they are just a job qualification for school superintendents. ok next:

if you really have research that is worth anything, you can publish it without being attached to a university, but you obviously don't. apple, google, and plenty of other private sector places publish research papers all the time, and this goes back to the days of bell labs and probably before, but guess what? all the people publishing at those places probably have phds, if you're not smart enough to get into a phd program at even low tier public uni then i highly doubt you have anything to contribute to science, sorry

[Anonymous No.12469931]

>>12469913
you write like english is your second language lol

[Anonymous No.12469945]

>>12469931
yeah ok mr. independent science man

[Anonymous No.12469986]

what kind of a bitch ass mf deleted that virgil thread

[Anonymous No.12470217]

Why the fuck are my American leftist friends obsessed with football (NFL) all of a sudden? this is a complete role reversal.

[Anonymous No.12470342]

>>12462637
I transferred from a "prestigious" university to a larger one, with none of the image. I'm more social than your average sperg, and I want to have a son that supersedes me, but finding someone "intelligent" enough is difficult to gauge without getting to deep into a relationship. What do?

[Anonymous No.12470356]

This post is just my broken english mind flow so dont bother to reply and fuck off i think. So im gonna ask some girls from my uni class (okay maybye not ask but show them by asking (yes its a big dufference)) to be my girlfriend. How i will do it. Well its not very hard, if i could open my mind for that kind of abstract thinking i would have tons of girlfriends to this day but nevwrtyeles its better sonner than later. So by making rational logical analysis on what constitutes being in relationship i failed to prove anything. But i found one thing that concerned me mostly - the time. Okay so its high time to tell you about the core of this fucking ugly blogpost - "5 sec relationship experiment". So you approach bunch of qt girls and ask one of them: "will you be my girlfriend?". Of course you fail you useless bag of meat and shit. But the second probe (or option lmao) is that you ask a girl: "will you be my girlfriend for FIVE SECONDS?" this time i think the majority of girls( they must at least dont dislike you) would say yeah, why not. In such a short time spawn you cant fuck her, talk to her, grab her hand or even smile properly at her. But it really doesnt matter because you can say 100% percent truthful statement that you had a girlfriend. You can spend five beautiful years with your girl and do all the things the lovers do but after five years she breaks with you and all you can said is that you had a girlfriend. But after 5 seconds i can say the same sentence!!! And you cant make shit about my girlfriend because this time it wasnt imaginary. I know its nice to cuddle and kiss your loved one but man you need to start with something - and maybyebone time the girl unironically say yes to your proposition being in longer relationship. So technically its double win situation. As i sad its on theoritical level - im gonna practice tommorow and will tell you if my hypothesis is true. Also i drink tea from cup after my paracetamol lemon mix but my head is still a little bit dizzy. Why? And im gonna be a sheep farmer on sardinia seashore in a next 2 years. Any italiananon could help me properly translate phase "Will you be my girlfriend for five seconds?" Something with cinco secondi i believe.
>inb4 nice blogpost
Maybye faggot but its at least OC and /lit/ is already ruined so i cant make it worse.

[Anonymous No.12470362]

>>12465290
And marijuana too, when that's researched and legal. I'll bet in fifty years anyone prescribing "medical" marijuana will be treated with the same suspicion as we would treat a doctor who tries to prescribe someone "medicinal" alcohol.

[Anonymous No.12470441]

>>12462720
I feel the same way when i finish a story that i find really good and immersive, maybe it's just a normal reaction, maybe i'm slightly autistic, dunno

[Anonymous No.12470452]

>>12470342
Stop worrying about a future so abstractly distant from your present self that you might not even live to see it

[Anonymous No.12470461]

22 years old. Stuck in a career I hate, destined to be married to a woman I resent, if my children are anything like me they'll hate me. And I don't care enough to do anything about it. Don't even like eating anymore. All I want to do is drink and sleep

[Anonymous No.12470462]

I'm turnin into a nigga that thinks about money and women like 24/7

[Anonymous No.12470541]

My first kiss was with my guy friend (gf) when we were both 8 when we played husband and wife under his kitchen table and I was the wife

Literally haven't thought about this in 16 years and fuck guys, I'm not gay right? I've only had sex with women...

[Anonymous No.12470545]

>>12470452
Is it so distant? I feel like time was rapidly passing last year (the last two weeks have felt like months here, though)

[Anonymous No.12470562]

>>12470541
little kids do that shit, I remember something vaguely familiar in my childhood, I'm straight as an arrow.

[Anonymous No.12470566]

>>12470545
That's a feeling everyone gets as they age. Time seems to go faster and faster. That's why people "settle." They fear death as something in the distance to be prepared for. But the fragile tissue of your life may be shredded at any moment, for any reason. I am concerned at the moment that I am bleeding to death internally from my intestines, for instance

[Anonymous No.12470866]

I’m going fucking crazy again. My brain feels like it’s swimming in a cold, wet wool blanket. I’m starting to lose my sense of self again. I can’t write I can’t read. I can barely do my job or fully communicate with anyone. I’m going to start shooting up again. At lest I have some kind of purpose, some kind of drive to get out of bed. All I’m doing now is suffocating in the static.

[Anonymous No.12470887]

>>12470866
Maybe you need the cycle of addiction and sobriety in order to create, like Artaud.

[Anonymous No.12471002]

>>12470887
The problem with the cycle is that it only creates this small window where I can actually write to my full ability. When I first go back on and shortly after I quit. The “small manageable heroin addiction” meme is a meme for a reason. It very quickly turns from something that give me serenity and purpose to something that will destroy everything I have

[Anonymous No.12471150]

I'm starting to realize that my dad thinks I'm straddling the line of failure as a human being because of my mental illnesses and creative interests.

All he does is talk down to me, or lecture me, even when it's something I've studied for years and that he doesn't know the first thing about. On top of that, he constantly belittles my creative pursuits, and I honestly think I've gotten worse at cooking because he's insulted my skills so often that I've lost faith in my instincts.

Given that 90% of my life has been a conflict between the psychological need to do something great in my lifetime and the knowledge that I'm an autistic burden on society, I think I'm also finally realizing the source of it all.

[Anonymous No.12471192]

>>12471150
>t.

[Anonymous No.12471353]

i can't wait till i'm old enough to retire, i'm just gonna play old dos games all day

[Anonymous No.12471400]

How do I get my girlfriend to give me a little bit of space without hurting her feelings? we text constantly, the only time I get to myself is when i'm working or sleeping, she's exhausting me

[Anonymous No.12471589]

After having young love and watching it disintegrate, and feeling the alien coldness of a once warm heart, and seven long years of loneliness which hardened my soul, which made me near certain that love was not mine to have, of crossing paths with many girls and feeling no joy in their presence, deciding I was unlovable and unloving, suddenly, when I least expect it, I meet her.

How I had forgotten the nervous fluttering of this still young heart, how I had forgotten the plain and easy joy of being near someone, of wanting only to be with them, and not to possess them, I must have banished all of those hopeful memories from my mind, because they stung with her lingering absence.

Dare I dream, presume, hope? Love leaves me no choice, as foolish as folly permits, drunken dreams I find myself in. Does she not smile at me the same way I smile at her? Do we not both find ourselves wanting to beam at one another? How can this be so? How can it be that such an angel of fancy might wish for my presence?

Love you are capricious, no man can rule you, and your designs are incomprehensible. That you would take the least likely of pairs and bind them so! Ah, a week is to long to not see her!

The world became brighter without warning. Unannounced is the glory of thrushes song, the pale snow burns in the middle of winter, and the mountain's blue portends of soulful singing still to come. Feed me the fruit of your trees come spring, vast world! March beckons with haste, and I plod along spellbound, knowing full well of the coldness which comes next winter.

So quick? Not two hours have graced us with our company, have given us to share. But I can see what she can see. I can see the coming of Spring.

[Anonymous No.12471735]

>>12462637
I am still angry that I was tortured institutionally as a kid. And I still think violence would be a reasonable response.

[Anonymous No.12471787]

I'm honestly so glad words exist for me to use as a medium with which to tell stories. A world without literature would be one not worth living in.

[Anonymous No.12471870]

Damn, I finally got mad at an article on the internet. I don't even care about DFW but seeing five articles about how you are in fact shit for reading him sounds like something straight out of his own fucking novel.

[Anonymous No.12471914]

>>12471870
Based dick gregory poster

[Anonymous No.12471989]

>https://mwl.io/archives/3982

[Anonymous No.12472116]

I may have borderline personality disorder and that scares me and makes me feel emasculated.

[Anonymous No.12472254]

25 January 2019
am i a victim of my circumstances or is everything all my fault
do i actually have a choice as to what the hell is happening in my life or is it just passing me by without any input
megan and dylan invited me to hang out at mc;s tomorrow night and i have my doubts as to whether or not i should go
its immediately after work and i get off at 8 and i really dont like going anywhere after work besides lexis
plus its a party but i dont wanna risk getting caught by the cops or worse my parents high or drunk or both
plus i dont really wanna be a partyer
it just seems to be a lower class of people
ironic considering im as low class as it gets
but the high class rich people do this all the time
plus cythina and elliot are going to be there and if parents found out about elliot being there it would be a death sentence
it would be awkward to see cythnia becuase there was so much unresolved conflict with that
i still have no idea whether or not she ever liked me or even tolerated me
high school was such a shit show
its really a mircle i didnt kill myself while i was still young and depressed
i seem to be friendly enough to caleb at school
he calls me bro and shit
hes another partyer type
but seems a bit more responible in a less responible way
hes low class like me
maybe thats why
i saw lexi today
it makes me happy to see her
an actual feeling of happiness in my chest
knowing that shes mine
but then saddness
knowing that it wont be that way forever
shes going away
which is also a relief
because i cant do a relationship
with this family stress
with a girl who isnt white
asian maybe
but not black
how much of the stress with my parents real and how much is constructed
are they really completely against me and only help when its good for them
i dont think they have my best interests in mind
i dont know if i even have my best interests in mind
in the shower today i thought about
should i become a total sociopath or
should i devote my life to the service of others
its painful to think about

[Anonymous No.12472284]

>>12472254
Youre gonna be okay kid. Youve got some good in ya. Keep listening to it and youre gonna be okay. But you have to listen, and it will be hard.

[Anonymous No.12472310]

I have to go to the dentist tomorrow and get a bunch of shit done, gonna cost a shit ton of money

Take care of your teeth anons

[Anonymous No.12472311]

>>12472254
(2/2)
damnit i thought about liz again
if she goes she would be the only other one there not doing drugs and shit
but even then i really dont know
i dont know anything anymore
i realized yesterday i dont mind being at usc
i just dont wanna go home
i just had a brief halluncation that i had written something that ended with i should go cruising
huh
i thought about fitting in
my friend group is more foreign now
less common interests
less things to talk about
should i abandon all my friends and start fresh
family too
meg and dylan seemed so happy the other day
is that what it feels like to not be stressed about money
only worried about assignments and each other
no family issues
only contentness
liz
was different though
she only smiled when they were around
is she jealous
probably
shes never had a boyfriend
could i do anything about that
would it even matter
does anything even matter
i kinda feel soulless again
fuck man
at least classes dont suck this semester
every time i think about moving out i become so stressed at the idea of moving out
570 for rent
food who knows
insurance
phone
gas
anything else i spend money on
trying to plan every minute to get the most sleep and the most profit
but leaving out social time and time required for sanity
shit
i dont think i can do this
i have to get shit together
i need to eat some real food
get enough sleep
do some pushups
and stop fucking everything up to the highest degree i can control
because damn im killing myself this way

[Anonymous No.12472313]

>>12471870
link to articles?

[Anonymous No.12472323]

Nothing quite gets my gears whirring than investigating how the internet is perverting us.

Take for instance the incident of the smirking MAGA teen versus the Native American. In any other age besides ours this trivial event would have passed by unnoticed and unremarked upon, safely and without adding to the continuing corrosion of public trust in America. A nothing would have transmuted into a nothing, rather than into a something. Instead like anything that can be recorded it was recorded and soon shot into the web where it it was promptly misrepresented by the media and where it drew out all sorts of venom and preexisting animosities were reinforced and hardened .

How could this nonevent turn into such a big deal? Turn into another episode in the ongoing erosion of political life? Because there are ideologies in search for ever more fuel, ever more ammunition, in order to self-justify and propagate their causes. For nothing to happen, for everything to purr along smoothly and for harmony and prosperity to reign, would be catastrophic for these ideologies. You can't be a victim without a violator, and a power structure based on victimhood therefore cannot exist without boogeymen.

People don't see what's really there. They see what they want to see. The willful misbelief is everywhere. It's not about what's true, it's about what serves this or that cause.

There can be no doubt that the clickbait business model of modern media fed into this whole non-issue that was somehow an issue, a non-crime that was somehow a crime.

Media professionals have fallen into the shallows themselves, susceptible to the emotional reactivity and reflexive judgement calls the internet's mode of info transmission seems to have elevated as the norm. What happened to the vetting process which stories are supposed to be subjected? Media has become an outrage factory because strong emotions generate clicks and they are desperate for money.

For certain this little quibble will have all its ideological utility sucked out of it and forgotten and the next outrage will ignite the cycle again. Each case contributes to a downtrend, the brutalization of public discourse.

The internet is seen as a way to make things known, and this is thought of as unambiguous complete good. What if not knowing about certain trivial events is the glue that keeps society together?

Instead the left wants to take the unimportant behavior of these boys and make it seem like they are hell-monsters, as if groups of inner city black or latino boys don't raise hell either. And so a conjuring trick is performed in which enemies are invented and invited out of thin air, resentments are generated, and the whole thing edges closer and closer to another confrontation or violent outburst.

[Anonymous No.12472333]

>>12471400
This shit always annoyed me when I had a gf, hate always having to be talking, eventually the conversations are just beyond dull. I went back a few years later and looked at our conversations and they were horrible, we would literally just text >yeah
>yeah
>hmmm?
>What?
>I don't know haha
>oh haha
People always say just talk to her, but women always get bitchy and misinterpret when you say you need more space

[Anonymous No.12472340]

I am upset that under capitalism my only purpose in life is to make money for either someone else or myself. I don't like money. I hate it. I hate having to either monetise the things I enjoy or toil away something else.

I like art. Painting, animating, etc. It's fun. I do it for fun. Same with cooking. I enjoy cooking. I'd never want to work in a restaurant, though. Too fast-paced and stressful. Unless it were my own. For some reason I will sometimes think about opening up a very small restaurant and selling soup. Soup and freshly baked bread. Whatever soup I feel like making that day. $1.00 or $2.00 a bowl. Bread included. We only serve water for a drink. Or you can get some nice tea and a cookie. Five items. Easy. Filling. Good. Maybe cake or a brownie on the weekends. Whatever I feel like making.

If I were rich I'd give the food away and work on donations. I could be happy doing that. I could help people. I could feed people. Everyone likes my cooking.

I can't afford it, though. I have no real collateral. No ability to get loans. My peaceful dream ripped asunder.

[Anonymous No.12472368]

I’ll keep it brief so hopefully I can get some form of feedback. I feel like I’m losing it; my motivation is gone, I’m not very happy, I’m always very tired and that’s probably because I really can’t sleep much anymore. I feel like my brain is getting fuzzy, my memory has always been bad but I’m forgetting classes and short term stuff now too. It’s so strange because I’ve never experienced this. I’ve always been hard working and motivated and clear minded. I’ve always been able to push through things but it’s never felt this hard, and I’ve always been happy and content and even a month ago I still was. It just feels like each day I slip a little more though. Is this just some cycle I’ll break out of? Not sure what’s going on

[Anonymous No.12472384]

>>12472323
>quibble
squabble

[Anonymous No.12472477]

I've got a good opportunity to study a language, should I study Latin or Japanese? It would be very nice to have knowledge in such a foundational language as Latin, but (un)fortunately I am a huge weeb and I want to read manga and watch anime raw

[Anonymous No.12472483]

>>12472477
What will be more fulfilling 15 years from now, raw anime or raw Latin texts

[Anonymous No.12472487]

>>12472477
As cool as Latin is, Japanese is probably the way to go. Even outside anime and manga, there is an entire country and people that speak it and who you could speak with. Plus their literature is also p good

[Anonymous No.12472492]

>>12472487
thats' why latin is more gangsta, no one learns it the easy way from their parents, meanwhile 100 million japs grow up speaking it fluently

[Anonymous No.12472501]

>>12472487
>>12472483
Which do you suppose would be more difficult to learn without tuition? I'm nearly competent at understanding oral Japanese from all that anime anyway

[Anonymous No.12472506]

>>12472501
speaking japanese will brand u a beta for life, i woudn't

[Anonymous No.12472515]

>>12472506
You're right. I will speak Latin, like Chad

[Anonymous No.12472521]

>>12472501
I mean you don't learn to speak Latin really.
>>12472506
You're retarded. No normal person you meet would think "holy shit this guy knows another language while I'm a monolingual? What a fucking beta"
It's up to you OP, but I would choose Japanese. I can only speak a little German, enough for basic conversation, and the few times I've been able to interact with a German in their language was really great. Speaking to someone else in another language is a really cool thing to experience

[Anonymous No.12472524]

>>12472515
do you want to explain to every chick you meet for the rest of your life that the reason you speak japanese is because you watched a lot of cartoons while you were unemployed or whatever? cringe

[Anonymous No.12472528]

>>12472524
>implying any chicks panties will get wet when they hear he can read Latin
Plus maybe he has yellow fever

[Anti-/lit/ !N4bnZoKwfU No.12472530]

>>12472477
Depends entirely on your goals. What do you want to study/achieve?

[Anonymous No.12472531]

>>12472524
lmao just lie nigga wtf

[Anonymous No.12472536]

>>12472530
trip fag out out out
no one respond to this faggot

[Anonymous No.12472547]

>>12472528
yellow fever is a disease that affects betas like aids affects gays

and yes latin fluency means you are well educated not some guy who watched a lot of cartoons

[Anonymous No.12472554]

>>12472530
I'm a stemfag, this is for personal satisfaction. Japan has a good environment for my field though.

[Anti-/lit/ !N4bnZoKwfU No.12472560]

>>12472536
Eheu! Nomenfag ipse animam animo. Ototoi!

[Anti-/lit/ !N4bnZoKwfU No.12472575]

>>12472554
I know nearly nothing of Japanese, but it would probably make a lot of sense to study German/French/Russian/Mandarin if you had your eyes set on international STEM positions.

On the other hand, Latin is highly inflected and grammatical, which would be appealing to stem people.

If you have some time, and you're set on pursuing one or other just for fun, I would suggest doing a few lessons in each to see where your curiosity more naturally lies.

[Anonymous No.12472576]

the movement of your mouth, your shoulders and your dull, soft hair. I adored you so much.

[Anonymous No.12472728]

I'm so afraid

[Anonymous No.12472809]

I don't even know how to take the first step of taking myself out of social isolation. I've isolated myself for a decade. I can't even hold a basic conversation. Once you hit 0 friends ect it's seem an insurmountable hurdle, especially as you just get older and older. I just don't want to be alone anymore.

[Anonymous No.12472912]

>>12468038

I am 23 and this is my worst fear. 1 more year of uni left but I want to go to medical school after because my current part time desk job makes me so afraid. Everyone I work with is almost entirely 40+ and overweight and has been slaving away for the same $24.55 for over a decade. I am literally going to spend $250,000+ on a chance at something that I hope fulfills me. It's terrifying but so is the idea of settling for mediocrity.

[Anonymous No.12473039]

>>12470461
How can you be destined to marry someone at 22? That sounds like it would take effort, unless maybe you're Asian, yet you sound like you were condemned to this fate as some sort of punishment. You have free will, you know. You're a grown man. Why should anyone feel sympathy for you?

[Anonymous No.12473042]

>>12471400
KYS NIGGER

[Anonymous No.12473044]

>>12472116
Pete Davidson had BPD and fucked the shit out of Ariana Grande

You can do alright anon

[Anonymous No.12473049]

>>12472311
You go to USC anon? As in University of Southern California?

[Anonymous No.12473052]

>>12472340
You sound very wholesome anon.

[Anonymous No.12473058]

>>12472501
you will be another worthless NEET weeb anyways, who fucking cares

[Anonymous No.12473062]

>>12472547
this anon is right

yellow fever is a cope for low value insecure disposable white males

[Anonymous No.12473123]

>>12471150
Get out, man. I lived through smth similar.

[Anonymous No.12473141]

I dreamt I reconnected with a girl I used to catfish who eventually became a solid confidant of mine.

God I wanna talk to her again.

[Anonymous No.12473154]

>>12473141

Lol same here dude. Catfished way too many people over the past 5 years. I find it more enjoyable than actually having a serious relationship desu. I told one of the women who I catfished the truth and it kinda turned her on. She was engaged and 7 years older than me. After a lot of regular sexting, skyping, and fun times she got married. We still confide in each other every now and then. We've known each other for like 5 years now.

[Anonymous No.12473163]

>>12473154
I dropped mine once I got into a steady relationship because I truly love this girl and don't wanna fuck it up over something dumb, but I really do miss our talks. Feels bad.

[Anonymous No.12473174]

>>12473163

Yeah I get that, honestly good on you for choosing the right thing.

[Anonymous No.12473178]

>>12462637
I have so many things I want to do with my life. I'm at a crossroad right now (I'm leaving high school), and so I'm wondering whether to go to university and pursue an arts degree so I can teach ESL in Japan or China, or to join the military for the bare minimum serving requirement (because I want to learn and write about that experience). What should I do? I want to do both but I know that's very impractical.

[Anonymous No.12473205]

>>12473052

I'm just a NEET who wishes for more than humdrummery.

[Anonymous No.12473206]

>>12473178
>join the military

Yeah, sell the most valuable years of your life to fight for oil, Israel, and "freedom" anon

[Anonymous No.12473285]

>>12473206
I'm not a seppo lmao, but I get your point

[Anonymous No.12473329]

>>12469763
I'm 37. It's cathartic to call people offensive terms. What makes you feel good? Brainlet

[Anonymous No.12474140]

>>12473049
University of South Carolina
Couldn't make it away from home.

[Anonymous No.12474661]

>>12462720
fuk. I actually wonder a lot about this and whether or not it's due to intense loneliness and social ineptitude

[Anonymous No.12474758]

>>12465097

honestly one of the most terrifying things I've heard-- except i think i'm addicted to hentai

[Anonymous No.12474766]

All that is made

Is made to decay

[Anonymous No.12474819]

>>12467158
so you're saying we have to embrace the inferiority of our brains?

[Anonymous No.12474872]

>>12472340
were it so easy

[Anonymous No.12474978]

>>12472368
see a doctor?

[Anonymous No.12475009]

My last semester at college is starting on Monday and I have no plan for afterwards, no drive to find a career, support from my parents will come to an abrupt end. I have not managed to make lasting friendships and feel cheated out of the college experience both by my anxiety and the tiny liberal arts school I went to that was filled with insufferable hipsters. I know all the problems in my life are a result of my bad attitude and plenty of people would kill for the opportunities I’ve been given but that just makes everything so much harder. I just want to read and play video games, my two favorite hobbies

[Anonymous No.12475161]

>>12473039
Parents will disown me if I don't marry a woman in our small minority religion and I'll be shunned by my extended family

[Anonymous No.12475163]

Trip Report. Part 1

This was the second time I drank Ayahuasca, the motives to why I was about to do it, remained muddy and undefined, indeed I dragged myself to the ceremony. The preparation time had been uncommitted the previous days. My diet lacking the proper restraint and my sexual impulses even less. Even in the hours preceding the ceremony, I indulged in masturbation, which must be refrained from at least one week from the trip. Having arrived at the place, only anxiety and uncertainty and a frightened feeling manifested within me, as in a impending attack was about to occur. My other experience had been frantic to say the least. I was dismayed at the thought that maybe this experience would possess me to scream as it did last time.

The drink felt cold, and bitter, it had a texture of cold medicine, it resembled a concoction of vinegar and sweet mints. To my surprise, aside from the light aftertaste, my gut was able to handle the brew which was administered in a little caballito glass. After this, it was only a matter of waiting. The lights were turned off and I became restless. Only the dim lights of the few candles scattered throughout the esplanade danced in the night. It was during these moments that my mind began to wander, the thoughts emerging in a more and more loud manner, never quite fixating in anything in particular. A light cramp appeared in my leg and the shaman began to sing. He would not stop singing for hours, and the sound of people vomiting started, some even started crying. The sensation in my head began to resemble that of a drunkard, the other time, it took two glasses for me to fall into the trip, which is why I handled myself and tried to remain intact and not close my eyes.

If I close my eyes the drink will take me, …

[Anonymous No.12475174]

>>12475161
what is it? zoroastrianism? jainism? hasidism? coptic? or something really obscure?

[Anonymous No.12475194]

>>12475163
Part 2.
I must wait until the shaman opens the altar for a second dose, until then I must resist the temptation of falling into the void. I had to lie with my back to the wall to prevent me from getting dizzier. Without much control I closed my eyes, a jaguar made of green and pink leaves appeared behind my vision. He resembled a Chinese dragon, and he did not look at me with much amusement on his face, indeed he seemed ready to fight against me. I must now keep my eyes open, otherwise the jaguar will attack me was now the goal of the mission, only a few minutes until the altar was reopened and I could try drinking again. But every time I blinked the jaguar got closer and closer, until my dizziness was reaching some boiling point. With all my forces I tried to prevent myself from vomiting, as I knew the vomit would propel me to lose reality. But the jungle jaguar kept getting closer, it was at that point that I reached for the bucket given to me to puke.

My puke was full of colors and sensations. “See I told you motherfucker, you didn’t need to get more high” was the message of the jaguar, then he opened his mouth and a mandala of colors swallowed me whole, it was imperative I closed my eyes, as now the danger within was greater than the one outside. The spirit now reached for something within me that was hurting, “fight motherfucker, fight!” the jaguar said, and then struck my chest with a pummel fist. One of the many curanderos came to help me. This spirit was killing me, and my death was near. My mind came and went, and my memory with it, no longer could I tell the place where I was or how I had gotten there. Only knew that this was a meeting with a God. I screamed but no sound came out, I asked the curanderos, what I had to do, and they stayed with me to breathe, “the medicine is doing its work, you only need to tend it” but these messages failed flat, I was not tending those persons in front of me, I was only crying like a child, “grow up and listen you’re an adult, they told me” I was dying. “When will I die, when will I die” I told the curanderos in distress, but they didn’t answer. “Look at me Mateo” one said, his face appeared in front of me. “I will not waste my energy I need to pay attention” his face morphed and distorted. “This is reality, you must take control of your own body, you mustn’t let go of your power, this is how you are in your daily life and you refuse responsibility. Now whether or not you can dominate it, take control of the rudder”

[Anonymous No.12475198]

>>12475009
making friends in college is honestly the most important part, and no amount of later life masters degrees forced networking will make up for the honest and long lasting connections you will make through the shared experience of journeying through undergrad together...and i dont say that as a smug dick with a big network, but as someone who had a tiny handful of friends in undergrad and then stopped staying in touch with them as they all went on to great law schools and careers while i neeted it up in the aftermath of the housing bubble, i did make a lot of friends at the next degree i did, but it was at a really bad school so while they are cool people to hangout with they are all too stupid and lazy to start a business with or get me in the door at a top firm, so yeah, any of u little shits in the middle of freshman year right now, go to every fucking club, trip, kegger, film screener. and whatever else is available to meet as many people as possible while you can

[Anonymous No.12475224]

>>12475194
Part. 3

No longer was I dying, but something within me was. A spirit, a dybbuk, or djinn one that had taken control of me and possessed me. This is lust, procrastination, and lies. This is the one that takes my energy and makes me adore it and the cost of my soul. My face and body were transforming into a panther. And I wanted to roar. The shaman began to sing, “I am not strong, but God made me brave, and that is enough” and indeed it was enough. I wasn’t strong, but I could be. The jaguar’s faces came to be, he appeared as my cousins, my friends, my male companions, my true brothers and soldiers of life. I remember my first friend, and cousin. Matías, he is stronger and more brave than me, and he was opening his hand for me to join him. And that was enough. The jaguar transformed into a condor, and flew and flew and flew, liberty he was and free of demons. “Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You” I said, in a more and more quiet manner. The curanderos left, and I was left with my thoughts and dreams.

I wasn’t able to very well sleep that night, though I was tired, and ragged from an intergalactic journey.

[Anonymous No.12475233]

>>12475224
Part. 4

Morning came, I had stayed all the night in my phone and texting loved ones and going to the bathroom several times. The moon was bright and full that night, I interpreted that as the eye of God watching over us high in the sky. I must’ve slept 1 hour at most from 6am to 7am. Now came only the time where the shaman asked us to recount our experiences. I summarized as such;“I wasn’t quite sure, why I even came to this place, but the reason why these experiences happen becomes all too clear after you’ve had them. I’ve been listening to a lot of Pink Floyd’s The Wall lately, and it was because that was the state of my consciousness at the time, becoming mad by the day, isolating myself and putting another brick in the wall until it encapsulates me and imprisoned me. In reality I came to this trip to break the Wall. The jaguar came to me, and tried to kill me, or so I thought, indeed a part of me died, a part of me that had thralled me and subjugated me to perpetual servitude, it was an exorcism. And the demon died. I am now free from its evil eye.”

The trip taught me to be free, to not give power away and to not serve demons. And well that’s much all I have to say.

[Anonymous No.12475446]

Who needs television when you have dreams?

[Anonymous No.12475451]

>>12475446
I only have nightmares

[Anonymous No.12475645]

>>12475446
I love dreams. They are the only time that hasn't been completely infected by self awareness for me. Last night I had a dream that I had found myself transported in time to about a year ago with all of the knowledge and experience that I had gained since then. The repeated year was great, the best I've ever had, I knew how to meet every challenge I came across and got a second chance to revisit my failures. When I finally got a round to finishing the repeated year, I was sent back to the same day only this time as the opposite gender (not sure what the significance of this was). Everything that I did right did not matter and all of the effort that I had expended was wasted. I would have to do everything a third time and possibly infinite more times. In the dream I had a panic attack and moved on to a new narrative: which was about shooting a variety of different guns

[Anonymous No.12475994]

>>12463761
It makes me sad reading this when I realise that despite all the pussy hounding, men really are the romantic sex and from all of their endeavours they only really want a qt 3.141 whereas the women are really mercenary in their interests and affections, depending on what has validated their need for security and varying according to the current stage of their menstrual cycle. Hopefully your love interest is not a bish and you can find what you are looking for, about

[Anonymous No.12476203]

I want to date a plus-sized model. I love fat girls, but a girl being fat isn't enough to really enthuse me to date her; if that were the case, I could just pick up a gf at the local Wal-Mart. I want to date a girl who carries her weight in an attractive way, someone who seems to be enhanced by being fatter.

The trouble is I have no idea how to meet a girl like this.

[Anonymous No.12476236]

>>12476203
You don't, because they don't exist outside of model shoots. When you wake up next to her and see her form for what it is you'll see that no one gets enhanced by being fat.

[Anonymous No.12476297]

I am very nervous about drawing blood on someone this Monday. Sometimes when I think about certain body-related things I have some kind of weird anxiety attack. It has only happened a handful of times in my life but I am afraid it might happen this Monday. If it doesn't and if it goes well then I will be very happy. But I can't see that happening. I think it will go even worse than I think it will go.

[Anonymous No.12476348]

>>12462637
I think fedoras are discriminated against on /lit/ and I'm going to start a civil rights movement

[Anonymous No.12476359]

I need a haircut so bad but I really don't want to go outside. I don't want to go to the barbershop and see all those worthless, pathetic people in front of me in line and then wait to get my hair cut and have the barber spew his insipid small talk.

[Anonymous No.12476381]

>>12468445
treat her well. Lies always come to the surface and its better to get that out of the way. Hopefully you respect her enough for that.

[Anonymous No.12476391]

>>12476297
So you are performing a blood draw? I get queasy whenever I think of needles, can't imagine ever sticking one in someone else
>>12476359
Give yourself a bowl or buzzcut

[Anonymous No.12476393]

>>12470541
Sex/relationship play is normal and even healthy for small children. Don't psych yourself out.

[Anonymous No.12476413]

>>12467987
This was the most tryhard thing I’ve read all week

[Anonymous No.12476437]

>>12468714
Are you 13?

[Anonymous No.12477062]

So cbd is a scam right?

[Anonymous No.12477091]

fuck yeah friday night time to shitpost!

[Anonymous No.12477096]

>>12476359
lol nice autism

[Anonymous No.12477099]

There is a group of people in my life that I wish I had never met. I don't want to hurt them, but also don't want to be around them anymore.

[Anonymous No.12477103]

>>12477099
so ghost em

[Anonymous No.12477153]

>>12476203
.001 of fat females have these genetics, the one's that do are more popular than you think. Not gonna get one unless you're solid 8 with great personality

[Anonymous No.12477156]

>>12462637
i fear the passage of time, and me not being able to make progress and growing

[Anonymous No.12477345]

i'm debating if i should masturbate or write some code, or masturbate then write code

[Anonymous No.12477401]

I'm graduating college in less than 100 days and I'm terrified

[Anonymous No.12477437]

>>12477401
Solution: just fail your classes and retake them forever

[Anonymous No.12477480]

>>12477437
can't because >american and can only afford my tuition because of financial aid which runs dry if you fail too many classes or take too long to finish

[Anonymous No.12477807]

I remember grinning and taking your picture as you laughed at how the wind gusts whipping your hair back into ridiculous positions and how it just made the photo so much more real and true. I still look at it, though I doubt you've thought about it in years. Funny how different your position in my life was to mine in yours. I just wish I could convey the immensity of the appreciation I have for you and how much joy you were able to bring me even with what was probably no big deal for you. Miss you.

[Anonymous No.12477825]

>>12475451

Still cool, no?

>>12475645

[Anonymous No.12477831]

>>12475645
that is a sweet drem anon

[Anonymous No.12477846]

>>12476359
just grow your hair out then

[Anonymous No.12477850]

I beleive that there was an ancestral race of beings before the biblical flood of Noah
Not ancestral as in we have descended from them, ancestral as in that they were the first to experience the same noumena we do, and they were the first to parse time the way we do today
Whether they existed physically as we know the word is unknown, perhaps they existed in superposition between objective reality and other axis of being
They possessed humanity, but put together as a race they were other than the "human", and the upper echelons of thier society were the furthest removed from us
We cant come close to understanding thier drives/motives, and this unknowing is for the better I beleive
Thier architecture was geometrical and polygonal, and individual buildings had no walls inside them. These buildings encompassed the area of a modern city. Most of thier time was spent in open expanses of prairie and elaborate, bridge-woven aquefers thousands of feet deep, with echoing water droplets that are heard through time
Sacrifice of other genus, blood mysticism, and thaumaturgy were common practices
Becoming immaterial and screaming at the sky was encouraged
The last of this race, before its transmigration, created the biblical flood
The remaining evidence of these ancestors are fractals and viruses

This is all some bullshit I made up after reading the circular ruins btw

[Anonymous No.12477879]

how do i be myself. i do know myself. im just scared of judgement.

[Anonymous No.12477886]

Met the best girl in my final year of high school and I can't get over her no matter what I try. I talked to her nearly every day and loved everything about her. One day, nearing the end of the year, she texted me that she was seeing another person and that I was fun to hang out with. After juggling several other dudes after breaking up with that one, she is still friends with me. She is the only person I have ever truly loved and I won't be able to be with her.

No amount of my stoicism and emotional suppression can save me from feels.

[Anonymous No.12477902]

>>12477886
should have tried to get with her you fucking loser. you’re just a kid, there will be more retard. treat it as a lesson. also stop being friends with her

[Anonymous No.12477904]

>u just like ya fatha and he was a rat (ugh)
>that mean he raisin up mice

lol

[Anonymous No.12477913]

>>12477886
i was and still am pretty autistic with women but thank god i never went for that kind of friendzone shit

[Anonymous No.12477935]

>>12477831
It's been really bugging me. It feels like my subconscious is screaming at me but I can't for the life of me figure out what it's saying

[Anonymous No.12477948]

>>12477902
I had sex with her

My inexcusable beta activity has recently turned into a numbed indifference, but still haven't gotten over it.

We are going to different universities now but they are still within 1 hour of each other.

[Anonymous No.12477967]

How the hell did I fuck up this hard?

[Anonymous No.12477990]

>>12477967
for me it was hanging out with local proletarian kids one summer instead of being a nerd at home with one friend, i'd say ages 15-16 is where any chance of not having a shit life occurred for me, but my mom was off at grad school and my dad worked nights, so he would basically just be sleeping on the couch all day and gone all night, so basically i raised myself as a teenager, and as you can imagine, it didn't go well...god damn why you remind me

[Anonymous No.12477999]

>>12477846
My bangs are already in front of my eyes. I have to sleep in a certain position or the hair will fall in front of my eyes.

[Anonymous No.12478001]

>>12468570
Ive came to think otherwise my stoic friend. If you keep the gods of sadness, happiness, fear burry deep down inside you you are not actually killing them. They are gods you see. Theyll came back dor their revenge creeping from the dark places of your soul. Read memories of Hadrian by Marguerite Yourcenar. Youll see how the true path is the one of the life loving emperor.

[Anonymous No.12478021]

I'm only pursuing a grad certificate rn and I already feel like going back to getting trashed and reading whatever I want in my free-time.

[Anonymous No.12478032]

>>12468773
Retard. Youll just kill the part of your genes. Genes and memes that maybe could give something to our world. You are just letting others people descendance have more chamge to bend society to his standars.
You and I have common ancestry, even if very far away. We are all part of the Human species. Thats your rela family!

[Anonymous No.12478036]

>>12478021
yeah whenever i watch mba classes online im like this shit is rad af but if i actually had to like cram for the exams and grind dumb papers for deadlines i would hate it like the lazy shit i am

[Anonymous No.12478041]

>>12468811
Hey dude i was inspired by your posts. Is it 20 yo too late to join jiu jitsu?

[Anonymous No.12478062]

>>12470356
Its kind of retarded to think that shell be your girlfriend for a longer time but i like your aproach. Just dont do it with women you dont know but you encounter in your university or something like that, it can start building you a bad reputation.
What i recommend you is next to just talk to other girls or men even if you dont know them. God bless you anon.

[Anonymous No.12478075]

Been thinking about this one time in middle school where me and a few friends, maybe like 4 or 5 of us, were hanging out in town having a good time when we came across another mutual friend of ours that was out doing his own thing. I can't remember the details but we all ended up riding in his car somewhere and since there was a lot of us there was no room, so one of my female friends decided to sit in my lap in the back seat. While she did I tried every possible thing in my power to not get an erection, so because I was at that age where if a girl even made eye contact with me I would get hard it was really fucking difficult. I failed obviously and thought for sure she would say something but no nothing. It eventually died down and we finally got out of the car and continued doing random teenager shit. Never heard her say anything about it from then on. She had to have known though because I was fucking throbbing despite my best efforts but I'm still not sure. I have no idea why that entered my head recently but I thought I'd tell random internet strangers on a Mongolian sports car discussion board about it.

[Anonymous No.12478107]

>>12472340
The idea of a minimalistic restaurant sounds great. Well, we have always needed to do things that we didnt like to be able to survive. Try to pursue the soup thing anon. Its just a question of whether your are capeble or not of monetizising your pasion.

[Anonymous No.12478109]

>>12472368
Sleep is very important anon. It can fuck your life.

[Anonymous No.12478130]

>>12472809
Yesterday i bought a german beer. It lose my autocontrol but its just what i needed to get talking. I messaged a lot of people in facebook. I messaged a girl from school by mistake but we started to talk and i just told her all abouty life. It feels good. Ive beem talking to her abou what isolation is and she doesnt seem to understand its not your tyipical "i am alone" normie kind of thing. I wish you luck anon. Try to go to events, charity events, clubs, anything social. Dont be afraid of not saying the correct words. Youll make some mistakes but if you practice youll get better at it. Enjoy it.
Also use alcohol if necesary but not too much.

[Anonymous No.12478142]

>>12472809
dude i got like that in college ultra autismo what i had to do when i realized i would graduate without getting any ass if i didnt change my ways was to make a goal of talking to any person better if its a girl but any mother fucker for small talk, could be some pajeet doing the sign in sheet a the computer lab, or some chick out the cash register of a store, whatever it is the goal is to talk to someone, then when ur not completely retarded join some clubs at school and talk the fuckers there, then try to make plans to do shit, etc.

[Anonymous No.12478212]

I turned 23 a month ago. My life is almost indistinguishable from when I was 19. Read, see films, write, exercise, study (now work), and sleep. I’ve come to accept the lonely future that awaits me and I’m OK with it, BUT I do not think I can bear the slow process of decay. I cannot imagine sitting around into old age, becoming some sad, solitary old man.

In youth, there’s at least something romantic about the lone wanderer, even heroic, sure, I’m broken and have been unable to forge almost any kind of human connection, but I’m young and I have drive and I can still be great in some way. But what happens when the boy becomes older? He becomes pitiful, a sad figure, nothing of the vigor and youth he once represented, just a sad sack of bones, without anyone to love or be loved by, and the fantasy comes crashing down, and the veil is pulled back—and this for me, is the darkest of horrors.

[Anonymous No.12478244]

>>12478075
was she cute? pic related, somehow

[Anonymous No.12478433]

I'm admittedly pretty bad at videogames but I just cannot believe all these guys on the Internet who claim they beat every single boss in any iteration of the Souls series in their first or second attempt on their first run

[Anonymous No.12478438]

>>12478212
dude your spiraling. There's absolutely still romance to an old lone wanderer. and you're 23, stop with the self pity, you're young.

[Anonymous No.12478444]

Just realized that I've never really wanted anything since I was like 8 years old. Relationships, money, possessions- it seems like everyone *wants* at least something, except for me. I have to actually force myself to act like I want anything, even things I nominally like. Is this depression? Low-T? I've heard that testosterone is the hormone of desire, but I've always had a low libido. Anyone have a similar experience?

[Anonymous No.12478451]

>>12478444
More likely your redefining want in such a way that you haven't wanted since you were 8. Obviously you still bother to get out of the bed in the morning. Why, if you want nothing at all? Why do you go to a literature board, why do you do the things you do? Just because you don't wake up with a throbbing erection for life doesn't mean you don't have any desires

[Anonymous No.12478494]

>>12478444
Does it become strenuous after you force yourself? With wanting to want something you are at least heading somewhere. Depression is more in line with being in a room full of doors and not even having the desire or energy to stare at a doorknob.

[Anonymous No.12478517]

>>12478212
That old man becomes a pitiful and sad figure if he chooses to be. Instead of saying you are unable forge almost any kind of human connection, tell yourself it's hard to forge a connection, what can I do to change it?

Wallow and drown face down in your puddle of self pity, or try to stand and challenge yourself to make a difference.

[Anonymous No.12478530]

i want to power up like vegeta, i want to escape my lame pussy mundane body and clash at the level of pure will with another cosmic vegeta of pure will, and know that i died rad as fuck in a perfect battle where each opponent completely intuited the essence of his enemy and expended every ounce of himself and nothing was an accident

instead i am stuck in gay reality where nothing is anything, and even when all the stars align inside my homo twink body to channel some impulse of pure will into a concrete act of pure creation, it is garbled and fizzled and totally incommensurate with the overall need for self expression, like eating a single FRITO LAYS POTATO CHIP when starving

i want to flare up like a star and burn out with absolute mathematical certainty that my luminosity was perfectly equal to my potential for luminosity

i want to live at the raw symbolic level of ultimate unmediated reality where every individual is a shakespeare character and nothing is trivial or accidental

but all i will do is live like a plant with a pituitary gland jerking off to taco bell

[Anonymous No.12478540]

>>12478451
I actually haven't left my room all day. I guess I have some desires, it just seems like everybody else has exponentially more desire than I do.
>>12478494
It's not that I want to want something, it's that I have to force myself to want to want things. Normal people don't have to do that, there must be something wrong with me

[Anonymous No.12478604]

>>12478244
She was which didn't help the situation at all

[Anonymous No.12478698]

Spent most of my life in various creative avenues in a futile attempt to leave behind something of value in this world when I finally die. Meanwhile a family member isn’t even in his teens and he already has a major label contract and is appearing in radio and television. I know I should be happy for the kid, he definitely has the talent. But fuck, his success is like a constant reminder of my own failures.

[Anonymous No.12478753]

>>12478032
As if I ever mentioned biology you doofus.
It's my name, my will, my thoughts and the education I inherited that will perish.
I won't bring up a son through which something of me will survive.

[Anonymous No.12478761]

I got painkillers from the dentist but they're not as strong as I was hoping. I really wanted to get high and watch a movie or something

[Anonymous No.12478771]

>>12463894
yea think about abstraction! The best thing about books is that its an indefinite experience; readers are required for a final experience. Simple sentences can suggest a sensory experience, other things need a great amount of detail to sketch a specific element needed to understand a situation

[Anonymous No.12478776]

i wish i was as autistic as i was when i was 15/16 obsessing over finding glitches in games
now i have many friends but i feel like there's a void left in terms of personal meaning for myself. most things i do now are social and i can't do things alone because they feel so utterly meaningless. what have i done to myself? is this how to be happier?

[Anonymous No.12478788]

>>12465305
t. narcissist

[Anonymous No.12478802]

>>12467503
elaborate on the story annon why do you work for her?

[Anonymous No.12478816]

>>12468773
pessimism about a shitty future has been of all ages, if anything we need more reflective anons to raise children who are smart. what future do you even fear?

[Anonymous No.12479790]

Lately I feel very detached, whether I'm fucking a girl I've never seen before, or being involved in a car accident, or out with my friend or family, mindlessly using the internet, it all feels as if I'm barely there, that I am watching myself from third person. Everything feels like a performance. Nothing which used to bring me joy does it anymore. When I'm working out at the gym I just go through the motions without any greater focus or dedication. Being with my cat or my dog, whom I love beyond anything and were my biggest source of happiness, now just feels "nice", and taking her out to a walk is now a chore when it used to be a chance for the both of us the distract and relax ourselves. Nothing I read seems to hold my attention or interest. Movies are series of moving pictures.My capacity for introspection and critical thought vanished. I don't think I'm depressed. I have a very active social life, hobbies, I exercise, etc. But all meaning and will has been siphoned out of life. It became a series of physiological and psychological reactions to various stimuli with nothing behind it. A golem or lowly animal jumping from reactive instinct to another. I considered meditation, some people claim it helps, but my previous attempts at it were unfruitful and unpleasant.

[Anonymous No.12479826]

>>12477999
grow it out more

[Anonymous No.12479869]

>>12478517
this is some fucking boomer shit right here

[Anonymous No.12480487]

>>12477062
Yeah, if you have issues with thc at first cbd will seem like a miracle where you can have the good parts and not that bad and that’s partially true but you end up picking a lot of the bad behaviors back up. If you’re a normie who can smoke weed and not have it trigger a spiral of self destruction and can be a functional and capable human while enjoying it recreationally from time to time it’s expensive for what it does. If you’re a boomer that just wants to reminisce about their youth but doesn’t want to get stoned it’s a nice experience to have. If you have legit health problems and are looking at it as a medication then you’re just a fucking idiot

[Anonymous No.12480500]

>>12477401
hey me too

[Anonymous No.12480550]

>>12478698
that’s brutal

[Anonymous No.12480742]

>>124787532
Your name as it mattered. Your thoughts and the education you inherited are not actually yours. Its the patrimony of a culture and a society more ancient than you, your fathers and your grandfathers. Youll live forever because society would continue the influences and thoughts you say you inherited. The only rational action for the destruction of yourself is the complete destruction of society, but even then you could still argue that the same arcane force that allows evolution, IA, life, de destruction of the stars (could we call it life or time?) and the formation of them, is still going to be here even if you destroy our world. Iam more humble than you and i just want to let people see what we are doing wrong so society can change directions.

[Anonymous No.12481097]

I am nearly 24 and recently I kissed a girl for the first time in my life, and also felt a firm breast in my hand. She read me Rimbaud in French and I almost ejaculated in my pants.
She didn't want to go all the way because she's going to go back to someone and she flies home soon, but at least there were many /lit/ conversations and top comfy cuddles on a few cold nights.
I am quite sad but I feel like there is hope. That I'm not condemned to solitude and frustration forever, that I can be touched and looked at with affection and things can turn out well if I really try to make them happen. It's getting better.

[Anonymous No.12481119]

>>12481097
happy for you anon, everyone deserves to try something like that at least once in his life.

[Anonymous No.12481555]

>>12478761
Only low IQ people are susceptible to opioid euphoria. Much like 60 IQ abbos get pleasure out of sniffing fuel fumes and average IQ whites do not, extremely high IQ individuals are seemingly immune from opioid euphoria relative to the general population.
To me, the mark of an NPC is someone who thinks opioids give them a "high". I genuinely wish they were some magical soma type of drug that made you immensely happy but they aren't. They're just retard tier. I've tried numerous ones and at very high doses. Never got anything out of them aside from a numbing sensation, tiredness, and a slight feeling of retardation.

[Anonymous No.12482135]

>>12481555
Time to verify my high IQness, brb, gonna get some oxys and put this to the test, should go well

[Anonymous No.12482494]

Been thinking about taking some sort of psychedelic to see if it'll help with my depression. LSD, or ketamine, or Mushrooms (or even estrogen for that matter). I've heard that they are miracle drugs for treating it and want to try them before I get the idea in my head that I should kill myself. I can't imagine living like I do for another 60 years.

[Anonymous No.12482955]

>>12472340
have u read this one? if not i recommend it, you will learn it's just something that isn't worth to be upset over, you have a good heart.

[Anonymous No.12482990]

I recently joined the Democratic Socialist organization at my university. At first I wasn't sure if the people in it would be cool or a loosely joined group of weaklings and social outcast types. Sadly, when I walked into my first meeting I was immediately met with a swath of the latter. I should also mention that I am most certainly afflicted with a mental illness - the exact diagnosis is irrelevant - and in the past it has prohibited social interaction. That night, however, I can safely say that I have never felt so much power being around other people. Not power in the sense that I fed off of others' energy or shit like that; no, this was a tyrannical feeling, an awareness that I was more capable than the 20 people present.

[Anonymous No.12483037]

>>12482990
Man I know that feel. You probably have borderline or mild narcissism btw.

[Anonymous No.12483051]

>>12462637
Think I'm gonna drop out of college. I can't find meaning in it...I sorta want to do art or literature, but I feel like it would be a waste of time and a lot of money. Every day it feels like the earth is dying, I want to do something to help it. If only there was a way to disappear from the world and read, write, draw, animate and think and think and then find a way to help everybody and come back to earth.

What are people going to think of us in a hundred years? I couldn't imagine having kids because I'd feel so guilt ridden for bringing them into a world like this. Even just being alive, what burden do we inflict? The clay of the world is in all of our hands.

>>12472340
Anon, that sounds absolutely lovely.

[Anonymous No.12483060]

>>12483037
I would go as far as saying its total narcissism honestly.

[Anonymous No.12483074]

>>12462637
This board needs to be deleted.
>>12482990
I get this every time i set foot in a college classroom, work place, grocery store, gas station, restaurant, party, sporting event, or cafe. Nothing to be ashamed of.

[Anonymous No.12483077]

>>12483051
dont drop out anon, you’ll regret it forever and it’ll haunt you until you inevitably go back. take time off if you need, but ya gotta finish

[Anonymous No.12483084]

>>12483074
Oh I'm not ashamed of it. I don't think less of the other people, just more of myself. And really it helps me socialize and hold conversations more easily.

[Anonymous No.12483105]

I'ts past midnight and my parents are arguing on the backyard like a bunch of fucking monkeys for everyone to hear, a bunch of troglodytes with no concept of privacy. Every week it's like this. I don't know why people get married. I've never seen a marriage that seemed remotely fulfilling, it always rots into the same old drama, same old bitterness and resentment and constant unhappiness of being torn apart by time and seeing the person you once loved suffer the same, all because we simply can't stand being alone.

[Anonymous No.12483111]

>>12483084
We’re the opposite, it makes me avoid others and I think very little of anyone and highly of myself but I hold myself to a vicious standard and brutally tyrannize and punish if I fail to exceed expectations, this is externalized callously onto peers and coworkers so I basically have no new friends.

[Anonymous No.12483115]

>>12483111
Hmm. I can't wrap my head around the idea that being better than people makes you want to avoid them. It just seems so intuitive that, if you know you're superior, you can't do any wrong by associating with people of less ability.

[Anonymous No.12483122]

Does anyone have recommendations for comfy fiction/poetry communities? Craving that feeling of distant intimacy, and I feel /lit/ has been leaning too much towards the distant end of that as of late.

[Anonymous No.12483124]

>>12483111
>>12483084
>>12483060
It is. I’m guessing borderline due to him saying he had difficulties in the past socializing.

Comparing yourself in that type of mindset in every social setting in a group is narcissism. You have status anxiety. How well put together, attractive, intelligent, etc of a group influences my sociability so much. Normal people are like that but not to that extreme of a degree

[Anonymous No.12483192]

How can I stop being constipated?

[Anonymous No.12483206]

>>12483192
>He says he's constipated
Buddy we all know you're full of shit, quit lying

[Anonymous No.12483208]

>>12483192
Drink coffee

[Anonymous No.12483225]

>>12483192
Fiber pills and coffee

>>12483206
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Anonymous No.12483244]

>>12483115
They are a waste of time and don’t have anything to offer me.
>>12483124
Don’t care
>>12483192
Chug 108 oz of water a day, run and do ab work daily, always make a time in the morning and evening for shitting; coffee for the first few days-week to clean you out, Vit C ascorbate to nuke your colon, seriously go running, do ab work, massage your lower abdomen and drink water and eat fibrous foods. Stop eating dairy for a bit, stop eating bready meals, just have some bread every day as a source of carbs and no more, accept that sometimes you have to strain yourself violently to pass the stools. Good luck

[Anonymous No.12483251]

>>12483244
>imagine being this close minded and autistic

[Anonymous No.12483266]

>>12483251
Im trying to help people and you have nothing but unhelpful nagging indictments against me, very sad that this is how the world has come to be.

[Anonymous No.12483274]

>>12483225
thank you, thank you, i'll be here all night folks

[Anonymous No.12483281]

>>12483244
Of course they have something to offer you. If you have any grand designs for the world, you invariably need other people to help achieve them.

[Anonymous No.12483347]

i hate the building im stayin at cuz ppl can see in the bathroom window and the hall window, the bathroom window might not be awkward for short ppl but i'm tall enough to see that the building across the street can see into the bathroom and the guy in the building on the other side can see me whenever i walk out in a towel to take a shower he's always at his fuckin laptop like rn he had this fucked up look on his face do u think he sniffin my paqits and shit i dont trust wifi for shit

[Anonymous No.12483381]

wow man just fapped and im super sated sometimes when i dont fap for 3+ days i have to do a double fap but today im like ok maybe ill have a nap

[Anonymous No.12483419]

>>12483347
Have you tried curtains?

[Anonymous No.12483431]

>>12483419
good luck putting curtains on some window inside the shower and the other window is like up high above the stairs also im renting this shit not living at my parents basement ok cant randomly hammer shit into the walls unless u want to lose ur deposit ok

[Anonymous No.12483441]

>>12483431
Just use a black bag and tape

[Anonymous No.12483454]

The future leaks into the present via sacrifice, driving evolution

[Anonymous No.12483483]

>>12483441
too autistic serial killerish

[Anonymous No.12483494]

I wrote some rich girl's final paper for graduate school back in December. It was 12 pages long and I made $1500. I kind of want to start doing this regularly now, especially because I live in a city with more than one "rich kids" university. I just need to find a way to go about promoting myself.

[Anonymous No.12483556]

>>12465884
i want the big sleep boys

[Anonymous No.12483642]

>>12483494
This is extremely shameful. Have some self respect and values. Academia has enough problems as it is without people trying to bleed it dry to make a profit

[Anonymous No.12483853]

>>12483642
Look, man, this is the most profitable thing I've been able to do with my skills as a writer. Of course I'd like to sell a novel or a screenplay and be known as a creator, but in the meantime I've got to make a living, and I don't want to work retail or an office job. A man has to eat.

[Anonymous No.12483874]

man i wish this alcohol someone gave me wasnt too strong to drink straight cuz i could use some drugs rn it says its only 40% alcohol but i cant fuck with it

[Anonymous No.12483886]

dude my roommates were outside my door and i swear i heard one whisper "you're not anonymous" or sth, fucking script kiddie mother fuckers always tryna sniff a packet n shit, i mean i'm using https which is in theory encrypted but some fag on my local network could probably man in the middle me or do some other bullshit

[Anonymous No.12483887]

A have a bachelors and masters in financial analysis and hold a federal securities license. My parents were taken advantage of by bad financial advisors and accountants are went broke, I just finished my masters and am also broke. I want nothing more than to do fee based financial planning and help middle class people safeguard their savings but all the entry level finance jobs are basically sales positions. As somebody on the autism spectrum I just can't do that. I get called in for interviews for all these analyst and advisor positions but never get selected for the job. I have a tailored suit and am well groomed but they see right through me, I'm not a salesmen, I'm not one of them. I'm going to end up sweeping floors or working retail. If I can't endure that for long, and I probably can't, it'll be suicide for me.

[Anonymous No.12483891]

I just want to be able to write again. All I do is agonize about whether the thing I'm thinking of writing is good or not. I'm getting less done then I was years ago

[Anonymous No.12483899]

>>12483887
dude, if you have autism you should have studied cs and became a quant not a mutual fund salesman, also how the fuck do people get swindled like that like fucking manage your own investments instead of being greedy

[Anonymous No.12483903]

>>12483899
I'm not a smart enough to be a quant, I tried. I'm not a rain main style autist, I'm "knows everything about obscure vintage airplanes and other randoid special interests" autist.

[Anonymous No.12483910]

>>12483903
so learn everything about portfolio management strategies

[Anonymous No.12483917]

>>12483910
I know a lot about portfolio management strategies, anon, and can do financial modeling in SPSS and STATA. This is about employ-ability, not skill.

[Anonymous No.12483927]

>>12483917
>SPSS and STATA

ugh is this the kind of crusty shit big banks use?

[Anonymous No.12483931]

>>12483927
Yes and it was the standard at school too.

[Anonymous No.12483940]

>>12462637
Dad was cold has ice and white as a ghost. He kept repeating that was how he would die or have a collapse.
Refused to let us call for an ambulance so my mother gad to drive him to the closest hospital and get him checked.
I'm scared because I've seldom seen him in these conditions.
I heard that people that get sick rarely tend to exaggerate the symptoms.
I hope that's the case.

[Anonymous No.12483944]

>>12483917
how did you go through all those finance degrees and not realize "hedge funds" or whatever are all about getting wealthy people from your network to let you manage their money and then skim a percentage win or lose? if you look at the richest dudes like that guy who bought that 250 mil condo in manhattan, they just have humanities degrees from ivies but a rolodex of every rich asshole on the east coast

[Anonymous No.12483953]

>>12483931
yeah i still see some deep learning classes using matlab and shit, but no one is using that in real life, i'd make sure your school software is actually being used at the places you want to work, i only know one quant but her last gig was using hadoop and mapreduce or some shit but her phd is in ee not finance

[Anonymous No.12483957]

>Want to be a writer
>can't stop agonizing over what to write because I have too many ideas, none of which I'm satisfied with
>my indecisiveness is preventing me from doing anything
>need a therapist to help break the mental deadlock that is crippling me
>can't get a therapist because in three weeks I'm going to be paying for all my own healthcare and I'm depending on a raise I might not even get

whatdoidowhatdoidoWHATDOIDO!?

[Anonymous No.12483997]

>>12483266
that's white boys society in a nutshell

[Anonymous No.12484018]

i still feel weird from fapping like 2 hours later, catholics are right fappin is wack

[Anonymous No.12484527]

New thread
>>12484525
>>12484525
>>12484525

[Anonymous No.12484550]

>>12472323
>What if not knowing about certain trivial events is the glue that keeps society together?
There's this really cool book called "Amusing Ourselves to Death", where the author argues that the main form of information distribution shapes its people's minds, ie. People who only had books processed information in a different way than we do today, where the mais media is the internet. There's this really interesting concept called "information-action ratio". It means that we receive so much information today, useless one in the most part, that we come up with ways to justify its existence. We know about the maga boys, but what can we do? On one hand we have "nothing", and on the other hand we have "opinion about it". So, for the information to have some validity, in a kind of memetic way, we find any type of use for it. Before the constant stream of useless information, ie. before the telegraph, people only read about local news, news that really matters to than.

[Anonymous No.12484558]

>>12483957
Stop being a mentally ill bastard

[Anonymous No.12485375]

>>12479790
Suffer until you think you can't take it then suffer more. Your life sounds too easy.

[Anonymous No.12485670]

>>12477807
Feeling a similar way, lately.
I've thought about sending her a message.

[Anonymous No.12485674]

>>12470356
Saresti la mia ragazza per cinque secondi?