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/lit/ - Literature

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1237879 No.1237879 [Reply] [Original]

Greetings, /gra/.

I'm just wondering what's wrong with the following sentence, because my AP Lit teacher just underlined it and wrote 'rephrase'. It's for my college essay, so I'd really appreciate an explanation.

"In freshman year, with no commitments and a breezy schedule, I developed a laziness terrible in its extremity."

>> No.1237880

It sounds like your laziness has a big penis

>> No.1237881

>terrible in its extremity
don't you mean extreme in it's terribility?

>> No.1237884

During my freshman year for starters, and I'm not sure about the end. It sounds a bit awkward, but I believe it is grammatically correct.

>> No.1237882

>>1237879
It's needlessly verbose and rather clunky.

Of course, I'm just guessing there. Your AP teach might not appreciate the line for other reasons.

It would probably be best to ask him.

>> No.1237887
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1237887

So you come to lit to be extremely lazy some more?

>> No.1237895

Extremity is not an adjective.

>> No.1237898

>>1237881
No, I didn't mean that.

>>1237882
I hate talking to her. She gave my paper a goddamn B because of maybe 5 poorly-phrased sentences and some inappropriate commas.

>> No.1237902

>Blaming her for your bad mark when you know you made mistakes

>> No.1237911

>>1237902

The problem I have, usually, is my laid back tone is mixed with 30/40-word complex sentences that don't flow at all. I kind of think she just thought it was too self-indulgent (but it *had* to be).

>> No.1237914

>>1237911
you should indulge yourself off a cliff

>> No.1237921

>>1237898
Really, you're only going get this handled by talking to her. You aren't going to read your teacher's mind. I'm also pretty sure that teachers appreciate students who put in the time and effort to get shit done. I can't think of a teacher that ever liked the uncaring/silent kid who sat in the back of the class.

>> No.1237923

"In freshman year, with no commitments and a breezy schedule, I came to be afflicted with a laziness that was terrible in its extremity."

ur wlcm

>> No.1237924

>>1237914

I think highly of myself, and so what? Self-esteem is about the only thing my family isn't known for; I need to carry that torch.

>> No.1237928

>>1237924
use the torch to set yourself on fire

>> No.1237929

>>1237923

>I came to be afflicted

No, that's stupid, it's too many words and makes him seem like a victim of laziness instead of just a little shit who chooses to be lazy

>> No.1237934

What is the OP meme called? I've laughed at all of the ones I've seen.

>> No.1237936

>>1237934
this one's called 'you have no sense of humor whatsoever'

>> No.1237965
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1237965

>>1237936

>> No.1237970

"...I developed a terrible laziness."

"laziness terrible in its extremity" is fucking ridiculous.

>> No.1237971

>>1237929

As my idol Marshall McLuhan would say, I'm a victim of the 21st century.

No, but seriously, I didn't 'choose' to be lazy. Laziness engulfed me. It makes more sense in my context, especially as this essay is supposed to benefit *me*.

>> No.1237973

Superior meme to the Orson Welles one

>> No.1237975

>>1237965
I never got goosebumps either, obviously the monster blood was a metaphor for the toxic effects of the society that mass produces homogeneous banal toys to render children's development as blandly consistent as possible. (A metaphor china would years later try to express with lead paint). But what about the evil witch, what was she symbolizing?

>> No.1237982

So.. your college essay will basically tell any prospective school 1) you have no ear for what does/does not sound fucking ridiculous in a sentence, and 2) you are a lazy slacker with no extracurriculars.

Say hello to community college my fried.

>> No.1237986

>>1237982

Derp. I'm in New Jersey and there's three universities -- all less than 20 miles away -- that I could get accepted into by December 1st.

And I have a few extracurriculars (all clubs, though). I'm in alright shape.

>> No.1237990

Well they're new jersey universities, so that's like the equivalent of community college in any other state.

>> No.1237993

>>1237990
Then what is Brookdale?

>> No.1237994

>>1237990

I'm confident that there's a fine line between Seton Hall and your typical community college.

But then again I was confident I'd get an A+ on my paper; hmm, maybe I'll mention my tendency to reach for the stars in my app.

>> No.1237997

>>1237879

>I developed a laziness terrible in its extremity."

Are you living in the fucking 19th century? Just say "I developed a terrible laziness." Stop masturbating your ego with what you think sounds elegant and intelligent.

>> No.1238000

>>1237993
Its one of those schools for kids with mental retardation training them to wash dishes at mcdonalds or what not for a living

>> No.1238004

...

>> No.1238006

> a breezy schedule
a schedule can't be breezy! get a dictionary! there's your error

>> No.1238015

>>1238006

Not OP and not defending him, but there's nothing wrong with saying "a breezy schedule". It just swishes by you, maybe you notice it maybe you only realize it after it's gone.