/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.12295612]

>when the library sauna is too hot

[Anonymous No.12295622]

>when the library toilet is clogged with copies of Infinite Jest

[Anonymous No.12295630]

>>12295622
Good to know they are incapable of launching their assault successfully. Bless those toilets.

[Anonymous No.12295663]

>sitting in the library reading the stranger
>having a good time until the rape dwarf alarm sounds
>everyone starts running for the door
>people are screeching and clogging the exits
>even the library hotdog stand has been capsized by the mass of people attempting to leave
>hear small feet running behind me
>oh god no not me
>he grabs me by the pants leg and drags me into the library bathroom
There really should be more exits for when stuff like this happens

[Anonymous No.12295670]

>library hotdog stand has no mayo
fucks sake, i'm paying a premium for this shit

[Anonymous No.12295676]

>>12295663
Fuck man.. happened to my friend.. hope you are ok...

[Anonymous No.12295692]

Haha, this absurdist variation of frog reaction threads is quite cool and fresh and dare I say it frogpilled. Top zoz refute this or better yet - pro-tip: you literally are incapable of it. Kek. /thread

[Anonymous No.12295712]

>>12295692
How many of your friends did you lose to alcoholism in the 70s, you boomer faggot?

[Anonymous No.12295760]

>library is 2 genders

[Anonymous No.12295893]

>>12295760
don't you have a women section? or do you let women wonder all over the place?

[Anonymous No.12296191]

>>12295612
>when the library opium den is under maintenance

[Anonymous No.12296324]

>library scribes got loose again

[Anonymous No.12296357]

>>12295612
someone post the one about Library Necromancer summoning ghost of DFW

[Anonymous No.12296373]

>>12295760
my library only allows too genders, men and boys. no girls allowed

[Anonymous No.12296384]

>>12295612
>>12295663
>>12295670
>>12295760
>>12296324
holy fucking kek LOL

[Anonymous No.12296396]

>library jazz fusion band stopped playing in the middle of their set to call me a faggot
>again

why won't they leave me alone

[Anonymous No.12296401]

>>12296396
>nice shoes faggot
makes me kek every time

[Anonymous No.12296405]

>>12296357
Here you go, Anonymous. I helped you out this time but please use the archives in future, ok? :)

>library necromancer starts summoning ghosts of authors again
>tfw he summons DFW right as I'm reading Oblivion
>play it cool
>couple minutes pass by, feel gentle tapping on my shoulder
>"H-hello there anon. Not to pontificate but I would like to remind you how important the footnotes are. Y-you do read footnotes right?"
>nod my head awkwardly
>when he gets up and leaves, librarian lady yells something about shoes to him

[Anonymous No.12296423]

>>12296405
I know, I know, was just too lazy and not too sure whether that one really existed

[Anonymous No.12296431]

>when the library's 4D printer malfunctions and takes half the reading room with it

[Anonymous No.12296441]

>when the make your own sundae bar at the library is closed

[Anonymous No.12296448]

>>12296431
>tfw trying to read Aeschylos while tesseracts constantly bump into the back of my head

[Anonymous No.12296449]

>>12295692
You sound like some butthurt boomer who is angry that they don't fully grasp the humour of those younger than they are

[Anonymous No.12296456]

>>12296449
>haha the thing that is not normally in the library is now in the library
truly dazzling humour, take my upvote

[Anonymous No.12296490]

>>12295692

[Anonymous No.12296511]

>failed the mandatory western canon literature test again
>one more fail and ill be permanently banned from all EU libraries

[Anonymous No.12296516]

I like this flavor of /tv/ kinoma posting

[Anonymous No.12296623]

>>12296456
>unexpected thing happens
that's literally the definition of all humor

[Anonymous No.12296644]

>>12295612
>librarian hasn't put out the bread rolls
>doesn't even bring butter

[Anonymous No.12296671]

>library is now staffed by YA author holograms to encourage more young people to go to the library
now every time i have to ask the librarian for something i have to talk to john green's stupid face

[Anonymous No.12296678]

>tfw the library hobo left his heroin needles in the toilet
oh wait, that actually happened

[Anonymous No.12296683]

>>12296449
>if you don't like what I like you just haven't understood it
You should join your fellow 15 year old paytrishuns on /mu/, faggot.

[Anonymous No.12296688]

>when the change machine in the library arcade is out of order

[Anonymous No.12296689]

>jog to library
>neckbeard reading nietzsche in the squat rack
>doesn't wipe butt sweat from bench after leaving

[Anonymous No.12296693]

>>12295612
>when the librarian is too hot

[Anonymous No.12296712]

>>12295612
>library
>sauna

[Anonymous No.12296741]

>library gave me the absolute succ

Wo

[Anonymous No.12297002]

>>12295663
Good job

[Anonymous No.12297269]

>tfw the library head chef overcooks your lobster

[Anonymous No.12297276]

>>12296678
seattle?

[Anonymous No.12297286]

>>12296449
>tfw to stupid to understand library frog

[Anonymous No.12297298]

>>12296671
he keeps trying to sell me cheerios too

[Anonymous No.12297663]

>all the whores in the library brothel take Christmas week off
>they had to call in the Thursday morning shift to work instead
Next time I'll just go to Barnes and Noble

[Anonymous No.12297671]

>>12297286
Sad!

[Anonymous No.12297791]

>>12296511
Don't worry anonpai, if it happens just switch over to Eastern literature and continue.

[Anonymous No.12297860]

>>12296511
Harold Bloom says Shakespeare is the center of the Western Canon. Read his plays, and you will intuitively know the rest of the Canon.

[Anonymous No.12298541]

>when library defloration station is closed

[Anonymous No.12298569]

>>12295612
our library sauna is closed because someone pooed in it and it clogged the drainage system
had to remove the whole european art 1300-1700 section to get at the access hatch
failed my breugel test because of this

[Anonymous No.12298583]

>/tv/ exporting it's board culture to /lit/

[Anonymous No.12298647]

>interlibrary loan department receives suspicious package.
>it's not a bomb.
that was a close one.

[Anonymous No.12298651]

>The library icecream dispenser didn't have my favorite flavor in stock

[Anonymous No.12298658]

>library has books that have been molested by other people's grubby mittens

[Anonymous No.12298750]

>The library oracle foresees me not returning book on time.
>loan denied.

[Anonymous No.12299001]

>>12296191
They let you use the Brel music library then, but you have to give a fake name in case the music libraries secede again or you'll only be allowed in the French and scarf wearing sections under wartime legislation.

[Anonymous No.12299046]

My local library has none of these things. They just have shelves with books.

[Anonymous No.12299099]

>when the library fleshlight is full of cum and aids

[Anonymous No.12299353]

>taking a study break at the library bordello
>tfw not well read enough to engage in tasteful literary chit chat with my favourite French whore.
>She makes a Proust joke that I don't get. We smile awkwardly at each other while doing the deed, avoiding each others eyes
>I leave and return to my seat in the poetry dungeon, feeling hollow

[Anonymous No.12300105]

>>12298541
>tfw my library's defloration station entry fee has been raised to 75$
hold me lads

[Anonymous No.12300134]

>its concrete enema week at the library
>again

[Anonymous No.12300211]

>library barbershop quartet's baritone is consistently a quarter beat off

[Anonymous No.12301465]

>>12296396
>Jazz fusion band
Based library

[Anonymous No.12301580]

>>12298750
kek

[Anonymous No.12301681]

>when the library dj's compact disc copy of lean back starts skipping and that fucking jackoff in the black hoodie arches his back like a frightened cat, contorts his hands into a strange fusion of the metal and hang loose signs, and shouts "REEEEMIIIIX"

[Anonymous No.12303121]

>when the library restaurant runs out of crab legs

[Anonymous No.12303372]

>>12298583
>the cinema hot-dog stand ran out of ketchup
>again

[Anonymous No.12303430]

>complaining to librarian about having writer's block
>gym carpenter starts throwing pic related at me

[Anonymous No.12303669]

I want Finland to leave.

[Anonymous No.12303944]

>library guardian deity is informed by library all-seeing raven that I didn't pay my late fees
>now I have to bind the book of my sins in my own flesh

[Anonymous No.12304488]

>mfw Kinoplex and Truman threads are my favorite part of /tv/
>mfw this thread exists
What a time to be alive

[Anonymous No.12305055]

>when the library jester replaces your book with a whoopie cushion for the third time this week

[Anonymous No.12305346]

>>12303430
>Showing up to the library during Daoist week
>Not expecting head injuries
This is why the pre reading sheets are in the lobby. You have only yourself to blame.

[Anonymous No.12305361]

>>12295612
>when the liberrys fart o man dispenser is clogged again

The smell of braps, just so pungent.

[Anonymous No.12305372]

>>12296623
Sometimes it's the expected thing, such as someone being repetitive.

[Anonymous No.12305466]

>>12305372
yes, but that repetition is also unexpected

[Anonymous No.12305685]

>it's another "Underground Man thinks of an embarrassing thing he said to a classmate 10 years ago" chapter