/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.12087753]

>Tfw the library's sauna is closed for repairs

[Anonymous No.12087764]

>tfw the library's jacuzzi is out of order because there are no beans for the bubblemakers

[Anonymous No.12087772]

Will they laugh at me if I go to my library and ask where the sauna is?

[Anonymous No.12087789]

>tfw the yoga studio at my local book store is "temporarily out of service"
how am I supposed to get any reading done

[Anonymous No.12087793]

>tfw library doctor won't give you a Xanax prescription

[Anonymous No.12087925]

>tfw your library's medical weed dispensary gets raided by the cops.

[Anonymous No.12087959]

>tfw the library whorehouse is being raided again
I just wanted to be able to read Hegel in peace

[Anonymous No.12087970]

>borrow a book from the library
>get home and try to read it
>the pages are stuck together with ectoplasm
>foiled by the library ghost once again

[Anonymous No.12087984]

>tfw the library priest already nutted in a younger boys butt and can't get it up for you

[Anonymous No.12087986]

>tfw felt facial hair while using the library gloryhole today

[Anonymous No.12087999]

>>12087753
>tfw library priest won't exorcise you

[Anonymous No.12088009]

Got a load on at the library liquor store before I had the courage to stumble upstairs into the library crack den to buy some meth and rent a copy of Tropic of Cancer

[Anonymous No.12088019]

>tfw I fell into the ink well again

[Anonymous No.12088025]

>tfw the library's adults colouring books have all been completed and not even well

[Anonymous No.12088032]

>every second page hasn't been torn out of the dictionary I checked out

[Anonymous No.12088040]

>>12087753
>tfw playing with the legos in the library for nearly 3 hours

[Anonymous No.12088045]

>the library’s auto repair garage isn’t done with my repairs yet
>even though I spent all day there reading Brothers K

[Anonymous No.12088050]

>>12088019
>forgot to throw a nib into the inkwell for luck
>get selected for random screening on my way out
>librarian finds my illicit copy of the Phenomenology and I'm banned for life

[Anonymous No.12088111]

>got hit on by the book store anal cavity inspector
later losers

[Anonymous No.12088118]

>>12087753
>>12087764
>>12087789
>>12087793
>>12087925
>>12087959
>>12087970
>>12087984
>>12087986
>>12087999
>>12088019
>>12088025
>>12088032
>>12088040
>>12088050
>>12088111

[Anonymous No.12088120]

>>12088118
>look, mom

[Anonymous No.12088139]

>>12087753
>tfw library sophists quit

[Anonymous No.12088141]

> library masseuse is taking time off for "personal issues"

This prostate isn't going to massage itself while I'm reading feminist fan fiction.

[Anonymous No.12088148]

>>12088141
>This prostate isn't going to massage itself while I'm reading feminist fan fiction.
NOO

[Anonymous No.12088360]

>tfw librarian wouldn't help me carry my gear back to my car after I played my DJ set

[Anonymous No.12088417]

>library necromancer is rasing the dead again

it’s the fucking third time this week

[Anonymous No.12088431]

>>12088417
Did they at least bring Proust back?

[Anonymous No.12088441]

>penis inspection day at library
>glued a copy of Infinite Jest to my crotch and hoped for the best
>passed with flying colors
Thanks DFW

[Anonymous No.12088453]

>reading the iliad in the library
>everything is going good until i hear several chimes
>look at my watch
>realize it's 12:00 oclock noon
>realize i didn't remember to practice the midday dance choreography
>shakira starts blasting on all the library speakers
>everyone gets up and starts dancing
>i try to mimic the people around me but it's obvious i don't know the moves
>library dance instructor locks me out of the library
>now i have to wait another week until i can come back
today was really shitty

[Anonymous No.12088461]

l+i+enter=/lit/ -- graced with this thread

[Anonymous No.12088492]

>tfw library's McDonald's gets shut down by the health inspector
>only choices left are Burger King, Arby's, Subway, Taco Bell, Little Caesar's, Buffalo Wild Wings, iHop, and Raising Cane's
Life is suffering.

[Anonymous No.12088720]

>tfw lost $100 at the library casino

[Anonymous No.12088740]

>tfw the library internal revenue guys audited my account and discovered $11,342 in unpaid late fees

[Anonymous No.12088745]

>tfw couldn't get into the Travis Scott concert because the library can only hold 500 people

[Anonymous No.12088844]

>tfw you already have 2/3 lunk alarm violations

[Anonymous No.12088850]

>tfw the library's milkshake machine is out of order

[Anonymous No.12088856]

Ok. Now this is frickin’ epic.

[Anonymous No.12088857]

>tfw I cannot bake my pie because there is a woman in the library oven

[Anonymous No.12088859]

>the library cheese shop is hosting dance lessons again
>and is still out of cheese

[Anonymous No.12088870]

>the library's starbucks is shut down and I can't get my peppermint triple shot cum load mocha latte deep throat macchiato
How will I study?

[Anonymous No.12088881]

>>12087753

>library closes at 5:00 PM on weekdays
>library closed entirely on Saturdays and Sundays

Why does the U.S. government not want poor adults to read?

[Anonymous No.12088917]

>the library homunculi raided the ink well again

[Anonymous No.12088921]

>>12087753
>>12087764
>>12087789
>>12087793
Who are you all quoting?

[Anonymous No.12088932]

>>12088850
> tfw nothing left to bring all the boys to the library's yard

The future is female.

[Anonymous No.12088937]

>>12088921
Welcome to 4chan. This is how we live.

[Anonymous No.12088942]

>>12088870
My library quit having complimentary crab legs over a year ago - they left the sign hanging there to taunt us.
>take all you want

[Anonymous No.12088947]

>>12088937
Since you invited him, he has to sit on your lap in the sauna.

[Anonymous No.12088949]

>>12088881
This is the only legitimate and unironic qualm ITT. I remember feeling outraged when my school's library would close at like child's bedtime hours.

I snuck in after hours with my boy once and we drank coffee and did an all nighter. It was pretty chill since we made the place our own. Some library's look like Hogwarts. I should sneak into them more often.

[Anonymous No.12088951]

>my library suite's butler is 5 minutes late bringing my desired Crème caramel and glass of Bordeaux

[Anonymous No.12088969]

>>12088921
Kill yourself if that's all you're going to post.

[Anonymous No.12088987]

>>12088969
Pfft. I bet your snobby library has a euthanasia chamber without shitstains on the seat.

[Anonymous No.12089012]

>>12088949
That seems incredibly illegal and frankly kind of odd. You sneak into places with your son?

Also, most adults are able to take a day off every now and then. My schedule has an off day on Tuesday. I’ve worked a few different jobs in the past year, and the only one that didn’t have an off day during the week started at 10 am every day.

What kind of shitty job do you have? A 9-5 office job or something

[Anonymous No.12089026]

>>12089012
Your negativity is bogarting my vibe.

[Anonymous No.12089030]

>>12089026
>reading reddit spacing

[Anonymous No.12089036]

>>12089012
I was in college you autistic sperg. By "my boy" I meant my buddy, another young man. We snuck into our college library and given how much we were paying to go there anyone who gave us trouble over it should have been legally obligated to sucked our dicks.

[Anonymous No.12089038]

>>12088969
kek, i'm sorry for ruining such a great thread.

[Anonymous No.12089043]

>>12089036
>how much we
You mean your parents. The ones who gave you that money, you know. Not YOU, a relatively snobby faggot saying people should be legally obligated to do something as a way of saying you’re a spoiled idiot with no knowledge of how the world works

[Anonymous No.12089067]

>>12089043
>You mean your parents

Most people take loans and work jobs in college. At least I and most of my friends do.

[Anonymous No.12089075]

>>12089067
I have student loans. Doesn’t mean your parents still don’t help you out

[Anonymous No.12089124]

>>12089075
Not all of us have good parents.

[Anonymous No.12089187]

>/lit/ posters are /tv/ scum
Unsurprising desu

[Anonymous No.12089207]

>>12089187
takes one to know one

[Anonymous No.12089209]

>/lit/ posters took a bad meme and grafted it onto their unfunny, uncreative board that has been dead for 2 years
fix'd

[Anonymous No.12089220]

>>12089209
>/mu/ dashes in to deliver a fatal blow to /lit/'s honour
could have called it

[Anonymous No.12089241]

Today the book that I needed was not on the shelf where it was meant to be. I spent a few minutes looking around, and then noticed about 12 books incorrectly grouped together. They were all entirely out of order and on disparate topics. I took a picture to show the librarian, and she said she would have them rearranged. But I never found the book that I needed. I wonder who this library bogart is, and if he is happy.

[Anonymous No.12089263]

>On my way reading Schopenhauer in my local library
>The "Absolute Spirits" (our local Hegel gang) come and block my path
>They push me and ask what i am reading
>"The wo- world as will a-and..."
>Before I could finish they already dragged me to the ground and kick me calling me a faggot
>tfw library life is suffering

[Anonymous No.12089264]

>tfw the library's armoury was pillaged by The Enemy two days ago and now I have to hold off The Infected for the next week with a bunch of mouldy books and wet socks

[Anonymous No.12089283]

>That one guy at our library who calls himself "the only one" and refuses to let other people use "his" milkshake machine

[Anonymous No.12089321]

>>12088492
You meme, but my library unironically had a McDonalds built into it on the side.

When I was a kid, I liked to sell my old Pokemon cards, go there for the breakfast, eat a few McGriddles, read some quick comics, and sleep in the kid's corner while the librarian looked at me disapprovingly. Fuck you, lady. Let me sleep if I want.

[Anonymous No.12089330]

>>12087772
In Korea a lot of saunas have tv rooms and libraries/reading rooms etc. So, maybe not?

[Anonymous No.12089446]

>tfw the library's rapist is suffering from impotence again

[Anonymous No.12089449]

>>12087753
>tfw the librarian doorman killed himself and now we can't get out

[Anonymous No.12089452]

>>12088720
>dad lose all our books in the library casino again

[Anonymous No.12089454]

>tfw your library recently implement a no singles policy

[Anonymous No.12089575]

>>12089030
>reddit spacing
hello newfag

[Anonymous No.12089590]

>>12089330
Don't the books get damp in the sauna

[Anonymous No.12089591]

>>12087753
>when the library's opera is postponed

[Anonymous No.12089597]

>libraries hookers are on strike again

[Anonymous No.12089599]

>>12088881
>tfw my local library is open from 7AM to 10PM every single day
feels good man

[Anonymous No.12089624]

>library monk throws away the war and peace copy i'm reading and brings me the brothers karamazov
it's not even the first time this happens. goddamnit

[Anonymous No.12089633]

>>12089043
fuck off you sperg

[Anonymous No.12089634]

>>12087986
I'd be worried too if there was facial hair on a dick I was suckin

[Anonymous No.12089640]

>Library pseud sniffing hounds keep barking at me

Surely this is a mistake

[Anonymous No.12089660]

>Be me
>Visit our library stock exchange market
>Some fag tells me I should sell my works of postmodern art and that I should invest in idealistic German philosophers
>Think thats a good idea and buy 300 "critiques of pure reason"
>Kant completely bombs and loses all value
>Meanwhile some asshat got rich by investing in Infinite Jest
>I. Hate. My. Fucking. Life

[Anonymous No.12089687]

>tfw you forget to tip the librarians
they banned me for life

[Anonymous No.12089763]

>>12087970
I just bought my copy of Lolita

[Anonymous No.12089795]

>>12087753

>tfw the library can't vulcanize my tires while I read

[Anonymous No.12089809]

>>12088453
Good post anon

[Anonymous No.12090014]

>>12089590
They're big complexes with different wet and dry rooms. Library is a dry room.

[Anonymous No.12090016]

>>12088431
yeah but he refuses to leave his room and whenever we try to talk to him he just says some gay shit about flowers then cries

[Anonymous No.12090018]

The paper mines don't actually exist...Right lads?

[Anonymous No.12090019]

>tfw I picked out a New-Age spirituality book and Chads and Stacies all laughed at me from over their Grecian philosophy volumes

[Anonymous No.12090053]

>>12089687
>he thinks it's a ban
It's a shit test. They like it rough.

[Anonymous No.12090064]

>go into the personnel lounge
>coffee machine is broken
>have to pay £5 for a small one at the library café

[Anonymous No.12090105]

>>12090018
You don’t want to ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to.... do you?

[Anonymous No.12090373]

>>12090018
>he doesn’t know

[Anonymous No.12090395]

>>12087753
>tfw its my shift to be the pleasure boy in the hobo "reading" corner
I know somebody has to do it, but I just can't the taste out my mouth afterwards
any tips?

[Anonymous No.12090447]

>>12090395
>breaks the rule about complaining about the taste

[Anonymous No.12090460]

>librarian threw my novel draft down the ink well

[Anonymous No.12090668]

>>12090460
That's almost metaphysical.
>covers page in ink
>does not write most brilliant novel ever
>only discovers the text written between the blotches that need to be ignored to see the art

[Anonymous No.12091777]

>got a papercut
>they had to amputate my hand to stop it from spreading

[Anonymous No.12093328]

>>12089590
No, saunas and steam rooms are two different things.

[Anonymous No.12093612]

librarian here, I feel bad now because of all the nice things you guys mentioned and I will never have because in my library cuz no funding

>tfw the library goblins are stealing my words

[Anonymous No.12093627]

>>12088921
they are quoting me

[Anonymous No.12093868]

>>12088441
>Penis inspection day
Americans are so weird

[Anonymous No.12093922]

>>12087753
>some dumbass reshelved some research in the wrong area
>they disrupted the EbscoHost pentagram, unleashing Dewey Decimal demons upon the reference section
>the fiends have already dismembered and cataloged the body parts of an undergrad research assistant

not like this... NOT LIKE THIS

[Anonymous No.12093926]

>>12093868
Perkele! Perkele!

[Anonymous No.12093937]

>>12087753
>the library Refrencemancer finally snapped
>summoned an EbscoHost pentagram
>Dewey decimal demons come pouring out
>they keep dismantling undergrads and cataloguing their body parts

not like this, NOT LIKE THIS

[Anonymous No.12093976]

>surprise penis inspection day at the library
This was supposed to stop happening after grade school.

[Anonymous No.12093996]

>>12093976
>This was supposed to stop happening after grade school.
The absolute state of reading comprehension. It is supposed to stop happening after grad school.

[Anonymous No.12094010]

>>12087753
>they just brought in some new chimpanzees for the library zoo
I'm trying to read here...

[Anonymous No.12094022]

>>12094010
I know, the smell is killing me. Who the hell decided to let these monkey in here in the first place?

[Anonymous No.12094058]

>>12094022
Chimps are a perfectly suitable addition to the ambiance of a library. You just need a good handler.

[Anonymous No.12094245]

>>12089036
>By "my boy" I meant my buddy, another young man.
I swear, this is the most homosexual way to refer to a friend that I have ever read

[Anonymous No.12094419]

>try to get into the library's Fight Club
>nobody's there

Guys, how did you get into your local lbrary Fight Club? I know they meet between the O- and the Q- sections but I dont know the schedule, and I don't want to ask the librarians, because they gave me "that look" the last time I asked something...

[Anonymous No.12094426]

>>12089597
Fuck now I have to suck my own dick again

[Anonymous No.12094436]

>>12094419
>doesnt know that the librarians make the schedule
Oh anon...

[Anonymous No.12094481]

>tfw the library chieftain gets poisoned and the library orcs go apeshit and pillage the library's mausoleum

[Anonymous No.12094492]

>doggo fell down the ink well
>now my favourite books will be written with doggo

[Anonymous No.12095105]

>library virtual currency market crashed again

[Anonymous No.12095371]

>>12089633
>fuck off you sperg
I feel cheated every time I see this phrase with no (You) attached to it.

[Anonymous No.12095392]

>The library eagle is nesting on the classics section

[Anonymous No.12095413]

>>12094419
>how did you get into
No matter what follows this phrase, there is only one acceptable solution: lerk moar fagit. You are obviously not socially competent enough to partake in the fight club.

[Anonymous No.12095502]

>>12093328
You're supposed to throw water on the rocks in sauna and enjoy the steam but I know most people don't know this

t. Finn

[Anonymous No.12095525]

>>12089452
>dad lose
yeah, seems true

[Anonymous No.12095601]

>/lit/ culturally appropriate a /tv/ meme.
SHAME! /lit/ is a progressive board!

[Anonymous No.12095613]

>tfw library's sushi restaurant served me shrimp instead of tuna
Fuck this gay earth

[Anonymous No.12095678]

>>12095525
*dad lost
sorry bwana
me no english