I fucked up

[Anonymous No.11738544]

I fucked up.

I'm 32 years old and I hate my life. I'm a failure.

I have a dead end job.
My friends are no longer around.
I'm in serious debt.
I feel alone, truly alone. I'm so apathetic that I don't see this ever changing.
I'm too much of a coward to kill myself but I relish in the thought of dying and how it would release me from this hell.


I implore the collective minds of this board for suggested readings that heal.

[Anonymous No.11738813]

Your situation OP:

Cioran is one answer. But there are others.

[Anonymous No.11738820]

>>11738544
Reading doesn't heal shit.

[Anonymous No.11740228]

>>11738544
Tales of the city
full of sunshine and friendship
tried to discuss it on /lit/ several times, looks like nobody knows it or cares
it's actually an excellent book

[Anonymous No.11740298]

>>11738544
Visit your local DSA chapter, comrade

[Anonymous No.11740306]

>>11738544
>but I relish in the thought of dying and how it would release me from this hell

I really wish people like you could experience nearly getting killed to understand how fucking retarded you are.

[Anonymous No.11740313]

>>11740228
my mum recommended me this series, I really enjoyed it

[Anonymous No.11740315]

>>11738544
Study stoicism

[Anonymous No.11740347]

>>11740306
People have been thinking that for centuries, it’s not
>Le I’m depressed
tier.

[Anonymous No.11740358]

>>11738544
Start writing. Release frustration, foster ideas. Sit at coffee houses and observe life, explore music that suites your emotions. Go to the cinema or theater with a theme you'd like to explore. Try to reaching out to a friend who may relate or understand your situation.

And reverse your cognitive powers. You really dont need a growing career, I'd love to just drive taxis for a living as I really love driving and I'd meet people and listen to books/music.

Debt is obviously a burden but you can plan your way out of it; dont buy redundant shit (you get to decide whats what) and save a large proportion of your income. Maybe book a meeting with your bank about it; they might have a service for it.

As for readings, I'd go with Hemingways short-stories about courage. When a man feels he has nothing, he has nothing to lose

[Anonymous No.11740362]

>>11740306
people like him often kill themselves anon

[Anonymous No.11740368]

>>11738813
>posts it in french

[Anonymous No.11740517]

>>11738544
Learn to weld
Make stacks

[Anonymous No.11740560]

>>11740517
die young as you always wanted

[Anonymous No.11740656]

>>11738544
where is your family? find a woman

[Anonymous No.11740657]

[Anonymous No.11740659]

>>11740358
I currently drive as a living and read in time off... its a good gig rn. Comfy

In my spare time I write character profiles of people i meet, working in vegas. Many a good story

[Anonymous No.11742095]

>>11738544
>serious debt
watch this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oD2gXY4piF4
This actually works. It will annihilate your credit score but it's probably already pretty bad. Your credit score is just your good goy points anyway and you can always get more credit later. Just remember anybody who is trying to collect debt from you is an absolute 1000% scumbag. Fuck them over in any way you can. Threaten to cost them $10 for every penny they bleed from you. You should have no sympathy whatsoever for people trying to take your money. Don't even think of them as human. Waste their time. Be evasive. Don't answer their questions immediately or in a way that is simple for them to understand. Make wild accusations towards them, they don't have to stick, but you'll have the initiative.

just remember if you do that your credit score will be all kinds of fucked up, but ask yourself how badly you really want a good credit score anyway.

[Anonymous No.11742101]

>>11738820
this

[Anonymous No.11742106]

>>11738544
This sounds like the story of half the writers worth their salt. I feel that many good writers are deeply insecure people. Judging that the depression and suicide rates for writers is statistically higher than most other occupations barring soldiers and other extreme professions, it would appear to line up.

Believe it or not, almost everybody has something of value about them. Even the homeless bum who snarls at you to give him some coins may have a story to tell about that one night at woodstock 30 years ago, that could entertain you for 20 minutes.

So don't give up, until your body is prepared to give out. Are you willing to accept that your life is one of discarded populational flotsam, a social misprint? What of your pride, your sense of justice for yourself?

[Anonymous No.11742111]

>>11742106
>Even the homeless bum who snarls at you to give him some coins may have a story to tell about that one night at woodstock 30 years ago, that could entertain you for 20 minutes.
The most value he would provide is the glorious feeling of kicking his brains out and knowing you took one boomer out of the world.

[Anonymous No.11742113]

You sound a lot like Pierre towards the end of war and peace except you’re unhappy

[Anonymous No.11742114]

>>11738820
THIS. Only Christ can heal your wounds. Drink the water he gives and you will never thirst again. The shepherd calls and his sheep recognize his voice.

[Anonymous No.11742115]

should have thought about that 12 years ago

[Anonymous No.11742139]

I'm 25. What should I do now to not end up like this

[Anonymous No.11742511]

>>11738820
>>11742114
This.

[Anonymous No.11742606]

>>11740306
Not OP but been near death a few times (including technically dead once). I thought "I hope I die and there's nothing else" every time. Hasn't worked out yet but I'm sure it'll happen someday. I don't see why you think it would change someone's position.

[Anonymous No.11742630]

>>11742606
Congratz you're retarded

[Anonymous No.11742670]

>>11742630
Nah retarded suggests a delay in development, which would mean all humans are supposed to experience that as at least a transient phenomenon. They're probably not, because that would be retarded as a species, or at least they shouldn't experience it until they're old and dying of some incurable problem.
You probably mean "weird" or "broken" or something that doesn't assume that's a normative perspective which is merely delayed. Thanks for bumping a post I saged, I guess.

[Anonymous No.11742752]

>>11740306
Why do you think it's retarded to feel like that?

[Anonymous No.11742757]

>>11742095
I like the nihilistic way out

[Anonymous No.11742761]

>>11738544
write a book about it. and quit your job

[Anonymous No.11742765]

just be yourself bro

[Anonymous No.11742776]

>>11742106
go to bed tom
>>11742111
do you do this yourself?

[Anonymous No.11742786]

>>11742139
learn how to swallow your pride and opinion every now and then so that you have some friendly faces in your life