Write what's on your mind

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Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:18:02 2018 No.11715991 [Reply] [Original]

Write what's on your mind

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:20:45 2018 No.11716012 >>11715991 I've been thinking a lot of shit today, just wanna rest

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:22:09 2018 No.11716017 I'm 27 in a relationship with a girl who has no faults and any normal person would wife but all I can think about is fucking sluts and it's ruining my mental state.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:24:57 2018 No.11716027 >>11716017 Oh no. Life must be so hard for you. A loving relationship with a beautiful girl. How do you cope?

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:25:55 2018 No.11716029 >>11716027 Ah yes, also rich people don't get depressed, they have everything! kys

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:26:45 2018 No.11716034 At the end of the day I’m killing this shit I know damn well y’all feeling thisshit I don’t need yo pussy bitch I’m on my own dick

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:27:56 2018 No.11716042 >>11716029 Having nice things must be so hard. Can you imagine not having to ever work? I don't know if I could bear it!

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:30:01 2018 No.11716050

I am an asshole, I constantly judge and critique people. I say mean things about people I don't know for a laugh. I judge others harshly and critically, although I dislike most of my own traits. I am self-loathing, depressed, apathetic, and yet I think I am better than those around me.

I have nothing to back this inflated sense of superiority, it is just easy to regard those around me as worse than myself. I am in constant rumination and self-reflection about my identity and what I am doing with my life, yet I can never seem to get anywhere.

I want to make changes and improvements but I never follow through, comfort is king in my life it seems. I don't know if I suffer from an actual acute depression or I am just being a pussy. I have anxiety about my future constantly, yet I do nothing, which leads me to more anxiety and depression. It seems to be a vicious cycle of self-defeat that I can never seem to break.

I wish I could overcome myself.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:30:47 2018 No.11716053 >>11715991 fucked up future

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:37:33 2018 No.11716082 >>11715991 I can't explain it, its too much

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:37:56 2018 No.11716086 I just started law school at a top school and I'm annoyed to find out that some of the Chads and Staceys are already hooking up. I thought I was cool enough to be in on the action, but alas, I am still pleb-tier. At least I have my books

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:40:55 2018 No.11716099

Despite having it looked over by three different people (one a professional editor), my cover letter had a mistake that I didn't realise until I reread the copy in my writing application. It's small, but once you notice it it's like HOW.

Despite this, when I talked to whom I handed it to he liked it and said he was impressed with it. I am thinking he didn't see the mistake either as it's easy to miss when you're reading. However, I am going to fix it and reprint it tomorrow and tell him that we need to trade. It's a pretty laid back place so I'm hoping we can just joke about it.

I feel so stupid.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:41:56 2018 No.11716103

>>11716050
this sounds exactly like me

i was diagnosed with dysthymia (mild persistent depression). went on lexapro for a few months and it worked well, i was going to the gym and being more social and nice and was happier; but stopped for stupid reasons. You might want to look into therapy/medication, could help

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 00:42:04 2018 No.11716104 I don't think society will survive post-privacy. I think we're sitting on a time bomb that nobody is aware of/taking seriously. All I can do is sit and smile and wait for the days to take me.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:00:03 2018 No.11716172 >>11716042 It's a curse you'll never understand. Not necessarily because you'll never be rich, but because you're clearly too stupid if you already think this way. Suffering is built in to the human experience. Nobody is exempt.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:03:05 2018 No.11716179 I want to fuck a girl but I have a small dick. The fear of being laughed at or having a long awkward session terrifies me. Considering trying dudes.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:03:46 2018 No.11716183 >>11715991 I have too much to do. And sometimes when I have too much to do, I just freeze up and don't do enough of anything. That's kind of how I've been all day.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:04:11 2018 No.11716186 >>11716179 gays will just openly shame you, they don't try to wrap it up like the vagina people do

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:05:39 2018 No.11716189

>>11716172
The made up problems of the rich can't compare to the real life problems of the poor. If it's so difficult being rich, they could just give it all away. And yet they never do. It really makes you think. This whole meme about how money makes you miserable needs to die already. Money is the only universal want in life.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:05:42 2018 No.11716190

>>11716103
You know you don't have to accept psychiatric diagnoses. I once had a therapist tell me I probably had dysthymia, and I simply told them they were wrong. Turns out they were wrong. The question is, however: were they wrong in the first place, or did I override their diagnosis by deciding they were wrong? Probably both. Don't allow yourself to be boxed-in and defined by broadly non-specific terminology. You are the master of your own fate, captain of your soul.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:06:47 2018 No.11716192 flying anuses

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:06:54 2018 No.11716195 >>11716189 You have serious pathological issues and I hope you are getting the help you need.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:08:10 2018 No.11716199 >>11716099 what's the mistake

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:08:27 2018 No.11716201 >>11716195 Not an argument faggot. I can only assume you were born into money or you're an underage fag who's never had to work.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:10:24 2018 No.11716209 >>11716201 I will pray for you.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:10:49 2018 No.11716212 >>11716209 N o t a n a r g u m e n t

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:10:59 2018 No.11716213

>>11716190
Yeah, I know. I don't think about it too often, it's not like I go around thinking "it's because I have dysthymia" whenever I'm sad or anxious or something, and I agree that it's not good to get boxed in by diagnoses and the way mental illness is generally categorized and treated is largely wrong (im more of the school that most of it is caused by capitalism). That said, the medication worked for me while i was on it, and i've considered trying it again because the problems i've had continue to come up, and i havent been able to surmount them as well as i was able to when i was on lexapro

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:11:11 2018 No.11716215

>>11716189
Like I said, you're too stupid to understand the manifold expressions on the face of collective suffering.

If you actually think that "money is the only universal want in life," then you're either retarded or a troll. I hope it's the latter; if not, then—and I've literally never said this to anyone else on this website—I hope you kill yourself.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:12:26 2018 No.11716220 >>11716189 Its not thathat being rich is bad you moron. Its that the human condition sets us up to suffer, and both rich and poor people can be equally disposed to unfulfilled lives.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:15:29 2018 No.11716227 help i accidentally married an art thot

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:16:04 2018 No.11716230

>>11716215
>people don't want money
I'd say you're the retard, friend. Keep telling yourself that people with money have difficult lives.
>>11716220
The rich have infinitely more opportunities to gain fulfillment than the poor. They can do whatever they want. If they decide that their fulfillment lies in travel, they can go wherever the fuck they want. If they find out that's not what they want from life, they can find something else to throw money at. The poor don't have these opportunities and there is much more gravity to their decisions.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:16:57 2018 No.11716232 >>11716230 Yep you're far too dumb to understand this problem.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:17:49 2018 No.11716234

>>11716213
No I feel that, and I'm not implying anything other than what is explicitly stated in my post.

To push against your comment, however, I do think that medication should be an absolute last resort when it comes to treating depression-like symptoms. For instance, you brought up exercising and socializing in your last post. Might it be possible that the exercise and socialization were actually what improved your mental state and the only thing the Lexapro did was give you the confidence to actively pursue these healthy lifestyle habits because you believed that it would neurochemically fix you (rather than actually fixing you itself). I don't know your story, and I'm sure you've thought about this, but just something that I think should be mentioned when discussing psychiatric meds as a means of treating depressive disorders.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:18:32 2018 No.11716235 >>11716230 No one enjoys playing a video game that is too easy. If you are rich, then what motivates your actions? Success in life is only satisfying if there is a chance of failure, otherwise it is inevitable and boring.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:19:52 2018 No.11716241 >>11716230 >>people don't want money If that's actually how you processed what I said, then I feel sorry for the people in your life

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:20:03 2018 No.11716242 >>11716232 Fuck off pseud. You've made no attempt to back up your argument. Ad-hominem can only get you so far. >>11716235 Like I said before, they can always give it away. They don't.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:22:15 2018 No.11716247 >>11716242 >they can always give it away That's irrelevant you utter brainlet, you're arguing that rich people can't have bad lives, and then saying "well they could just give away the money" by your own fucking argument is dumb.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:24:06 2018 No.11716251 >>11716247 Did you even read my whole post? They don't give away the money ever, which is exactly my point. Money makes life easy, so why would they give it up? I always figured this board was full of retards who thought they were smart.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:24:24 2018 No.11716252 >>11716235 I enjoy games on easy mode if they have good story, art, characters...

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:24:29 2018 No.11716253 >>11716251 Easy isn't the same as happiness or fulfillment

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:26:10 2018 No.11716259 >>11716099 Two "them" in a row when one was meant to be "the."

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:26:22 2018 No.11716260 >>11716252 >>/v/ you have to go back

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:26:31 2018 No.11716261 >>11716247 He's either an aimless troll or incomprehensibly stupid. Either way, just ignore him

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:27:27 2018 No.11716265 >>11716199 I can't even stop making mistakes. Kill me. >>11716259

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:29:24 2018 No.11716273 For one to be powerful the other must be weak

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:30:35 2018 No.11716275 >>11716273 can you imagine typing this shit

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:31:08 2018 No.11716276 >>11716253 >>11716261 It's easier to seek fulfillment and happiness when you're loaded. I can't believe this is a difficult concept for you to grasp.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:31:13 2018 No.11716277 >>11716275 not only imagine it, I did type it

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:31:59 2018 No.11716281 >>11716277 No I typed it.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:32:14 2018 No.11716285 >>11716281 prove it

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:33:16 2018 No.11716288 >>11716276 seeking fulfillment and happiness is not the same as being fulfilled and happy

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:34:11 2018 No.11716291 >>11716288 Easier to GAIN fulfillment and happiness then you pedantic motherfucker.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:36:23 2018 No.11716300 >>11716285 no u

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:36:29 2018 No.11716301

>>11716234
Yeah, I've definitely thought about that, and it is a possibility. I was on it because at the time, it was a last resort, essentially i was in a situation that was making me the most depressed i've ever been and didnt have any way of getting out of it so i got on the meds to be able to cope--in most cases my depression is mild enough to get by, but for the two months i was on it i definitely needed it. It's a chicken-egg thing as to whether the lexapro actually changed my brain chemicals in a way that made me feel better, or as you suggest, was a triggering placebo that shifted me into having better habits. The thing is, I don't think it really matters either way, because it worked. I've tried exercising and socializing more so many times since then, and have never been able to be as consistent about it. I always lose motivation, no matter how much I want it. Hence wanting to be back on meds, because even if it is just a placebo, it worked, and i feel like i need something external to motivate me because internal motivation has gotten me nowhere

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:36:41 2018 No.11716303

>>11716291
yes, but that doesn't mean you WILL gain it you fucking idiot. Look where this argument started:

>>11716017
>>11716027
>>11716029
>>11716042

Just because you have the POSSIBILITY to be happy, doesn't mean that you ARE. Meanwhile, the opening to this complained that the person shouldn't be unhappy because they ARE already rich/ have a gf

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:42:14 2018 No.11716324

>>11716303
Well some people don't even have the possibility retard. Some of us are so focused on just trying to get by that we don't have time to sit around and wonder just why we're unhappy or unfulfilled. And even if we do figure it out, it's not like we have near infinite cash to just throw away in pursuit of whatever fleeting desire crosses our mind at the moment. If, for instance, an oil tycoon decides that he has a passion for nascar racing and that he wants to race on the weekends, there's nothing in his way. If John Q. Everyman, humble air conditioner repairman, decides that he's unhappy and that he wants to drive racecars, tough shit, it's not in the budget.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:44:28 2018 No.11716332 >>11716324 Since it's clear you're too dumb for this argument and you're just talking past me, I'm just going to stop reply, good day sir

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:45:52 2018 No.11716338 File: 128 KB, 888x888, I Kant take it anymore.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>11716324 >happiness is being able to do whatever you want whenever you want

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:47:27 2018 No.11716346 >>11716332 More ad-hominem. Nice. It's like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter what I do, he'll just knock the pieces over, shit all over the board, and strut around like he's won. I'm done. This board really is full of braindead pseuds.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:51:00 2018 No.11716355 >>11716346 the ironing is palatable

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 01:59:18 2018 No.11716384 I'm fucking losing it

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 02:34:00 2018 No.11716469 >tfw nowhere to discuss leftist politics /leftypol/ was purged by the Marxist-Leninists, /pol/ is /pol/, /lit/ refuses to actually read leftist theory and just screeches about the USSR. Feels bad man.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 02:37:44 2018 No.11716481 >>11716469 go to the guardian comments section

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 02:44:53 2018 No.11716506
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>>11714622
> guess I will eventually find somebody else, but at the moment I still am hung up over this girl. Despite a whole summer of not seeing her, I still think of her incessantly to the point where I'm experiencing an anxious feeling of impending doom once September hits.

I know that feel anon. Been three months for me too. My situation is slightly different so I'll probably be able to avoid her until winter, still dreading it though.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 02:52:52 2018 No.11716524

>>11715991
Today i recived my dog's ashes. The last 3 days, my 5 month old puppy got infected with retrovirus, i tried everything i could so i could save her, but nothing could be done for her. The only thing i could do is to release her from suffering and give her a warm death bed, she cuddled in my arm as she slowly drifted away. And today, i recived her ashes. It numbs my mind to think that a bag of dust was my loyal pup, her smile and playfulness forever turned to grey sand with pebbles of bones hidden within. Today, it was a rainy day, and i still remeber the first time she ever felt the rain pouring from the sky and smashing her face. Luckly, i still have her sister, from who she was never separate. I will give her a collar with the ashes so they will never be away from each other. I remeber the way they used to play, and now one of them is just gray remains. It pains me to see her alone, to feel them appart. Today is the first day without her, but ill tresure this dog from earth and hell.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:04:05 2018 No.11716545 I drank too much last night Also it sucks being in euroland and using a site dominated by burgers, you guys are all sound asleep right now. Or fitfully asleep, if that suits you better.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:08:36 2018 No.11716560 >>11716469 Fuck off commie

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:09:28 2018 No.11716563

Though I know that evening's empire has returned into sand
Vanished from my hand
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:10:01 2018 No.11716565 File: 427 KB, 1024x683, 78489751-1024x1024.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Drung dolololom baaaaarrrrrrrr brump brrrump bruuump ekkkekekekkek bleiiiiippp bluurp blurp.blurp

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:22:48 2018 No.11716595

>>11715991
I don't know what I'm doing. The majority of my time is spent alone in my room. I can manage the insecurities of loneliness with high doses of YouTube videos, but I eventually crash from these highs as if losing my grip on the last wrung of a tall crooked ladder.

I've started to write again. For now I can take pleasure from that. I don't possess the confidence to admit this trend will continue as I've had many false starts. I'm afraid I'll revert to my old guiltful self. But I always neglect that part. I'll erupt in a spasm of inspiration but only to watch it fade a week later in mute stupidity.

This will be my last line. My hand hurts.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:23:47 2018 No.11716598

>>11715991
Risen but detracted,
wasted essence on ingrates;
a hatred kept at heel,
for tranquilities tender sake.

Tainted and pinned,
stilted and shunned;
reclaimed by silent venom,
and imposed space.

Sidling endlessly,
requiring feedback;
struggling for freedom from self,
will never excersized or obtained.

Sneer and be smoten,
fellate and be bellated;
a million praises falsley sung,
from a hundred perches retained.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:25:59 2018 No.11716603 >>11716595 i love you anon

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:29:30 2018 No.11716607 does someone actually reads this shit?

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:31:25 2018 No.11716614

I just moved in with my girlfriend of almost three fucking years, almost all of which was long distance. The past six months, when we for the first time lived in the same city, weren't very great. I don't know what to say but that the relationship is toxic. We've both developed hair triggers for getting pissed-off and there is daily pointless bickering. I told myself yesterday that I will give us a month in this house before leaving if things don't get better. She is content to ignore our problems because she is terrified of losing me, I think. She refuses to have a serious conversation about our relationship. But if I leave her then, I'll have already paid tuition and I came to this university and this country just to be with her and I don't know how I'd survive the semester, let alone begin my thesis.

Anyway, I need to read Buddenbrooks and The Way by Swann's before the start of the semester. Which is better to start with for this feel?

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:35:01 2018 No.11716626

>>11716614
you should leave her and find a way to be ok, things that are broken are broken, and while you had beauty together, it isn't there anymore, and that is ok, you can go on to a new thing, and you both will be better for it

just remember what you love that is outside her and go towards it, and tell her she should do the same thing, it can be nice anon again

and read Swann's way it is a beautiful book

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:37:16 2018 No.11716635 >>11716614 >>11716626 There was never a choice. Swann's way

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:51:03 2018 No.11716682 >>11716603 Thanks bro. (Insert we're all gonna make it meme here)

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:52:22 2018 No.11716686

>>11716626
Yeah, if I have balls and sense I will. The benefit of living together is it makes the poisonous nature of things difficult to ignore. Last night, we had a stupid fight which was basically her berating me for doing dumb but inconsequential shit around the house. Five minutes after I went upstairs, she came up in a hissy, dumping my laptop, charger and backpack on the bed and placing my beer bottle on my desk as though leaving these things on the sofa downstairs was a high crime. I listened to music and thought for an hour, then she came up and apologized. Hardly a word was said about what happened, but she tried to make it to me by providing very giving sex. She tried and it worked, for the time being anyway. That's a snapshot of our lives.

Anyway I swear I'm not one to blogpost but felt the need to say these things. I guess I'll go to /adv/ now.

As for /lit/, the professor recommended we read Proust in French if we could but said nothing about Mann. I speak German but not French, so I bought the original Buddenbrooks and Swann translated. Why would it be more important to read one in the original language?

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:52:29 2018 No.11716687 >>11716614 Living with someone changes things, deal with it. Also take this shit to >>>/adv/

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 03:59:40 2018 No.11716708

>>11716686
anon you have to go, and i know that is hard, but you really do

i've had many relationships with girls, and i have had a very complicated life myself that has brought me into contact with a lot of people, and you have to leave her

i know you still love her, and you might always love her, but it would help you both to do so, i really do think that

As for Proust his French is incredibly beautiful, so if you feel up for learning French then do so, but i have read some passages from translations of his writing and they seem fine to me. My brother also read all of La Researche du temps perdu in English and i've talked about it with him and it seems like he understood bascially what i did from it, though maybe not that one thing of how Proust's prose is like the odor of a flower emanating from the text in a way, but that could just be particularities between my brother and me.

In any case reading a good translation is definitely worth it, 100%

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 04:03:40 2018 No.11716716 >>11716686 The Prof probably speaks French but not German and thus has no informed opinion on Mann's prose.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 04:05:29 2018 No.11716722 Nietzsche was a hack fraud

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 04:35:57 2018 No.11716805 >>11716469 Maybe it's time you realize that your ideology is fundamentally flawed so everyone abandoned it like a horse with a broken leg.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 04:41:12 2018 No.11716815 >>11716805 Give me an actual argument then, I'm open to it.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 04:43:09 2018 No.11716821 >>11716815 I would need some base to jump off of. Just saying "leftist politics" can mean a thousand different things. What's your specific ideology that you want to me argue against?

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 04:50:07 2018 No.11716843

>>11716821
That capitalism, as characterized by the profit motive and private ownership of the means of production, inherently alienates people and prevents them from actualizing their humanity. Since this is bad, we ought to replace capitalism with something better.
It may be worth noting that I'm more of an anti-capitalist than a ardent supporter of any particular alternative.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 05:17:01 2018 No.11716920

>>11716843
I'm not particularly a capitalist myself or a liberatarian but I'll try to counter it just for fun.

The most common argument against capitalism, is that it takes advantage of people, that it prevents people from "actualizing their humanity" because they are forced to work to survive.
That's not technically true. People have to work for a check yes, but they work to provide a service that society needs. A guy who works in a car factory does so so the guy who works in the food industry can drive to work. And the guy in the food industry uses the car to get to work to allow the guy who works in the car factory to have a meal waiting for him when he gets home. Capitalism has built this complicated machine where each person is a gear that keeps it turning, and even if you are born only a simple gear, you can take advantage of the whole machine. We only have so many opportunities because we have people in the background creating them for us. It has really created a base for society to jump off of and become successful from that point.

If you don't have someone to fill every single role, then the role will go unfilled, and that service will not get provided. Everyone fills their role, gets a paycheck for it, so they can take advantage of all of the other services provided by others who are just filling their role, and getting a paycheck for it.

If you try and force a system that places the responsibility for the base of society onto the government, it will fail, guaranteed. It will fail because that is such a huge, massive responsibility that even the best government possible could never shoulder of make it work. Capitalism works because it's self-sufficient and makes the base of society itsself, no one is forcing it to. It's repairable and indestructible, because if a small part of it fails, like if the car factory goes out of business, a new car factory will fill that role and all of the individuals that were earning a check in that role, will go earn their check in a different role.

I don't think it was ever planned to work out the way it did. I doubt there was some mastermind that gave the command to enact capitalism in the western world, it started itself and became the staple for modern society because it made everything so easy.

Agrue that it hurts the individual all you want but it is truly a positive force for the whole of society.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 05:18:10 2018 No.11716924 >>11716920 Jesus Christ that's probably riddled with grammatical errors and broken and segmented points but it was fun to write lol

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 05:53:52 2018 No.11717002 >>11716017 Because you know you need to be better for a long term relationship, don't cope. Aspire to be the man of your dreams, your happiness comes first, and it doesn't come from fucking sluts.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 08:36:54 2018 No.11717361

The outside is futile to chase, I will explore the inside. Maybe in the far future one can explore the outside more effectively, but for now, the inside is the venue one should focus on. It is the only way to feed that primal desire, only consistent way.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 10:16:53 2018 No.11717721

Speaking of capitalism, we are all born with nothing but the skin on us, meaning we are all born poor. We work so we are not poor. Human had always worked and will always work, there's no way around. Now people can't share the profits of their work with society because they're selfish, and because at the end of the day not even the most ardent socialist would want to share his home or car with other people. So private property is unavoidable. Now the question is whether work alienates people. For starters, most people are too dumb/brutish to have such feelings. They wake up, go to work, get back home, have some sex then go to sleep. That's life for them and it couldn't be any better. Alienation is something only intellectuals feel, and thankfully, intellectuals are a minority. In any case, if the plebs were magically to choose whatever line of work they find fulfilling,no string attached, they would work as instagram models and porn stars. Good luck finding food then.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 10:40:50 2018 No.11717839

*turns off his Xbox*
*turns on the air conditioner*
*grabs a Pepsi from his Samsung fridge*
*reclines on his ikea couch*
*grabs his ASUS laptop*
*has some Netflix going on in the background on his LG 4k tv.*
>capitalism is alienating and dehumanizing. It reduces all human interactions to calculations of cost and profit. It turns us into commodities, into gears grinding hopelessly in an oppressive machine.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 10:56:49 2018 No.11717917 I got raided by police weeks ago and I only want my computer back

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 15:57:22 2018 No.11719242

I have no real respect for my father. He was born to a rich family and given extreme luxuries in his youth. After university he went on to become a middling in the real estate industry until he started his own company, which failed after the 2008 market crash. He was fired from a company that he co-founded, and then when on to be unemployed for 2 years while my mother worked and did most of the house work. His fitness started to worsen, putting on 50-60 pounds in a couple of years following his firing. He finally settled for a job where he works well over 50 hours a week, but is still underpaid by a billionaire family. My mother still worked while now doing essentially all of the house work, meanwhile I developed a serious gastro-intestinal disease. Once again, my father did next to nothing to help me in any non financial form, leaving my mom with even more of the family burden. After realizing the situation my mom divorced him last year, where he has since been an emotional wreck constantly seeking validation and attention from the children that he ignored for so long. I do admire some parts of his character, he could have been like his brother and joined his fathers business through sheer nepotism and become wealthy, which actually may have been better than what he is now.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:02:44 2018 No.11719266 File: 229 KB, 540x362, 1504668634590.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Fucking fever sucks and my book has been moving at a snail's pace because life keeps me busy

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:12:12 2018 No.11719301 I'm transcribing some old shit from the 80's that's not on the internet anywhere. It's fucking slow.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:14:00 2018 No.11719313 >>11717917 Storytime >>11717839 Not a commie but the ones I know are staunchly anti-consumerist and live in near-squalor.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:29:17 2018 No.11719400 >>11715991 i want to stop playing video games but all my friends play and ive spent so much time and money I think that id be throwing that all away just to stop all of a sudden

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:30:02 2018 No.11719402 >>11719313 Good for them. I wanna see some fascists do that too. Anyone who renounces consumerism/capitalism and doesn't live off the virgin wilderness is a hypocrite.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:31:11 2018 No.11719410

>>11716017
I'm in the same mental place as you. What helps me most is masturbating daily. For me it keeps the lust at bay so i can function without all those conflicting thoughts. I also always logically talk myself away from it but that's the painful part.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:31:37 2018 No.11719414

>>11715991
a woman’s body was dumped outside my apt building and rotted in a brand new Infinite coupe for a week, my neighbor’s dog found it. She was likely OD’d and abandoned by the man she had been fucking and getting drugs from, possibly a murder. I have no idea how to process the aleatory nature of death and human cruelty.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:34:13 2018 No.11719429 >>11719402 The wilderness is anything but a virgin but okay. Ted kaczynski is about the closest you get, yet he's living in a literal system that feeds, clothes, and shelters him for free. can never escape hypocrisy

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:45:50 2018 No.11719497 >>11719414 Sounds like a story I'd read if it were from your perspective Write it anon

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:51:43 2018 No.11719524 >>11715991 This is absolutely uncanny, but the picture you posted strikingly resembles a vision I had and drew some weeks ago. What is your connection to this image, OP?

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 16:57:48 2018 No.11719547 >think I need like 400 words to finish my story >1000 words later its still not done Worried my conclusion is too long now desu

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 19:13:35 2018 No.11720129

I'm nearly finishing a degree in something I'm clearly never going to be good at (STEM field), and I just realized that there's nothing I actually like to do, even my hobbies are chosen based on the opinions of others. If I could help it, I'd probably stay home all day doing nothing at all. I'm also stuck in third world hell hole, and only the most talented (not my case) get to live a comfortable life by modern standards.
It's all fucked, my family is poor, I have some money gathered at the bank that's supposed to last me maybe another year, by then I should already be working.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 19:35:10 2018 No.11720243

It’s 7pm and I haven’t gotten dressed yet today. I showered, or rather took a bath, an hour ago. The first bath I’ve taken in years, and I made the water too hot and had to spend ten minutes draining it and adding cooler water before I could get in. I left the apartment once today, to get a sandwich from the deli down the street. The guys working behind the counter were speaking Spanish to each other, and I could make out every couple of words but missed the meaning; they sounded angry. One of them had tattoos instead of eyebrows. When I asked for a Brooklyn Melt panini, the guy said “what the fuck is that?” which I interpreted as anger at me, but ended up being his frustration with the deli changing their menu. He was a nice guy. I ate the good but messy sandwich back at home, while watching a Zero Books video about the overlap between certain radical feminist ideologies and incels. I thought about writing a novel from the perspective of an incel, a Notes From Underground for millennials. I gave up on the idea. I mostly sat around today; I read a little, had some tea, wrote some emails, looked halfheartedly for jobs, and masturbated twice. I feel like I’m on the cusp of a major bout of depression, one that I’m afraid I may not be able to pull myself out of. The weight of the city pushes me into the apartment, turning my muscles to jelly as I try to get the strength to walk out the door, or the strength to do anything at all. I stay up late browsing the internet on my phone out of anxiety, so late that I wake up in a daze at 11 and the cycle repeats. I feel isolated, not only because I have few friends, but because I feel alienated from myself and my desires. I came to New York, I told myself and others, to get involved in film, or writing, or both, despite having only vague aspirations and even vaguer plans. I’ve realized, over the three months I’ve been here, the amount of sheer effort it takes to get involved in the arts scene, to muster up all your social skills and repress all your anxieties enough to climb over the walls separating those who are in and those who are out. How you have to prove yourself, prove your worth, to distinguish yourself from the other 8 million of the city, who are all more qualified and more outgoing and more driven than you. Because you don’t even know what you want to do. You want to make art—who doesn’t? You can’t even name the job you want to do in film, let alone the things you want to make films about.

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 19:37:01 2018 No.11720254

>>11720243
What happened to your passion, your voice? Was it ever even there? You’ve always been told you were creative, artistic, but you wonder how much of that was actually you and how much it came from your privileged upbringing, the one that also didn’t teach you any life skills and has let you molt into a shapeless, spineless burden. You feel like you’ve followed the path of least resistance to get where you are today, the turns you’ve made that had seemingly gone against that path inevitably being shortcuts that returned you right back to it. The effort it takes to type out even this, a short confessional you’ll probably never show anyone, will likely knock you out for another half hour. Maybe you’ll try to meditate again, and pretend it did anything for you other than make you sleepy. Maybe you’ll grab a snack from the fridge—unlikely, as you haven’t gone shopping for a week. You look up out the window at the two guys sitting on their roof, drinking beers, shooting the shit, watching the sunset, probably relaxing after long days at work. You are reminded that you don’t have a job, that you’re living on your parent’s money that is slowly draining away since your dad got fired and the pressure to find a job increases and your degree proves its uselessness again and again as the rejection emails crowd your inbox and everything seems more and more hopeless to the point that you have to lay down again and find you can’t go on any further. This is the city, the ‘rat race,’ like the homeless man shouted this morning waking you up from a restless sleep, the urban jungle that chews you up and spits you out so ragged raw that you can’t remember how you ended up here in the first place or what’s keeping you other than an invisible cocoon of false expectations and promises made to no one. You don’t belong here. The black guys who stare at you as you walk down their streets remind you of that every day. The nagging fear of walking around when it’s late reminds you of that every night. The sound of your housemates walking through the door to the apartment late at night, after long successful days at work and drinks out with friends, reminds you of that too. You’re not good enough for the city. You’re not good enough for anywhere.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 19:46:34 2018 No.11720298 >>11715991 I don't particularly want my fetishes to determine how my soul is commended to eternity; but my fetishes sure do, and they seem more powerful than me. I am not sure whether or not they shouldn't win the argument, on that basis.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 20:01:19 2018 No.11720358 >>11716346 jesus, you could just be the bigger man, but instead you'd rather insult his intelligence. fuck off poorfag, the library's closing and you're out of computer time

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 20:45:18 2018 No.11720517

>>11716213
Listen to your body. Some mental disorders make it hard to fight with medication, whether side effects or the overall feeling. And if you can help it dont take any of them long term. We dont know what the long term effects of most of them are.

Exercise, sleep, diet, sunlight, and consistency were most of what i needed. Not “candy”. I quit cutting years ago and have been off medication for 5+ years, despite still being bipolar 2. Im not saying no medication is right for everyone, just that its working far better for me. Agree with the other poster anti depressants should be used near last

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 21:18:02 2018 No.11720627 The medici where fucking incredible. Ive been looking to a documentary obout them and i just cant understand how i couldnt know already all these things abot our history as civiliazation.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 21:20:11 2018 No.11720639 >>11716017 Fuck. I failed for some sluts and it ruined our relatuonship. She was the best for this dead body.

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 21:28:28 2018 No.11720669 >>11716050 This describes me too well. It made me cry

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 21:55:22 2018 No.11720762 >tfw make eye contact with a girl in my classes when we are afar, but she avoids eye contact when we are close, to the point I notice she’s trying to not look at me. I’ve done the same though

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 22:01:02 2018 No.11720781 >>11716017 DICKSUCK

Anonymous Sat Sep 1 22:15:44 2018 No.11720819

>>11720129
I’m in the same place. I actually think a lot about killing myself. I have no material pretentions and no family pretensions, which I see as the primal movers of people around me. I think about love sometimes, I feel like I could have a shot with a girl I like, but putting effort in it means I’m taking an active role, as if taking a step forward while all the steps that interest me and get my attention are backwards. I’m in this place of comfortable inaction, searching for something but remaining ultimately static.

What country are you from btw?

>>	Anonymous Sat Sep 1 23:47:32 2018 No.11721076 >>11716086 go to bed rust

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 01:22:59 2018 No.11721426

>>11715991
I've had a general abandonment of ideology in favor of the spirit of truth, but after looking at my most recent notes in self reflection, I can see that the ideology has crept back in on my studies of monarchy.

If I say sweeping generalizations then it is spiritually gratifying like a rallying cry, but balanced statements tend to lack this gratification and don't catch on; they aren't "meme-statements". Of course I have to say balanced statements to be precise, and to have clarity I MUST have precision in speech, memes tend to miss ends of the truth. The problem is that spirit comes from the connotations of symbols and language; what you say, what you do, what you think which are all symbols / language. What is associated with these symbols affects your spirit, as well as vise versa with spirit changing your actions you do, the symbols you carry, and the language you use. If you think spirit doesn't matter you're a brainlet; spirit is morale on the battlefield. The busyness of the work place how in the morning it might be slow, but near the end the pace is different and you can feel a sort of "atmosphere", "vibe" or "energy" that changes, which is really just multiple people's spirit throughout the zombie morning, and the later busy desire to finish up to go home. If I can't use meme statements and rallying cries as they lack clarity, then really I can't stand for any 1 position, I have to leave things at 99.99%, and that is spiritually void.

What is true of me is often true of society at large. I had been trying to become ideologically in favor of monarchy, even though it wasn't really a position I fully held. I eventually realized my mistake, but also that it was the answer to my problem; a republic is universal, a monarchy stands for 1 position that is passed down. It is spiritually gratifying to be a monarchy, but for the sake of intellectual clarity, I simply have to be a republic. That being said, not everyone should be a republic; some don't know to learn clarity, and prefer to be moved by spirit.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 01:25:34 2018 No.11721438 >>11716050 funny I was like that when I was very young, but I grew out of it around grade 7-8

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 01:37:36 2018 No.11721476 >>11721438 well, minus the depression and rudeness. Mostly just the thinking i'm better and critiquing others and what we had to do in my mind. I actually was decently social tho.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 02:55:52 2018 No.11721679 >>11716235 its not the destination its the adventure getting there. rich people get to have a lot more adventures

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 03:22:07 2018 No.11721728
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>>11719400
Looks like you need a dose of the decision making chart. Video games are an absolute waste of time and money. Your attempt at rationalization with "I've already wasted so much time and money, might as well continue" is you just trying to convince yourself to keep up a bad habit. You'll just keep falling down that rabbit hole and never climb out unless you make a change. Don't justify bad decisions by telling yourself you already made them, so why not make them again. They are still bad decisions.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 03:38:49 2018 No.11721759

I love these threads. The lack of a theme and freedom of discussion really creates the opportunity for such unique conversation and dialogue.

It really is a beautiful thing. No matter what your expectations are coming into this thread, it will meet or exceed them. They've mostly turned into people journaling or seeking advice but at times you get posts by anons that can completely change your world view or strike a cord deep within you.

The broad range if topics means that no matter where you are in your life, no matter what type of person you are, if you spend long enough in these threads, something will click with you and cause a change. On a board about literature, on a Indonesian earthquake response forum, you can truely find real beauty of soul.

Thanks for all you do, anons. It's not obvious, but I do think that these threads have helped countless numbers of people get through the struggle of life. Just having someone listen to them and maybe give some advice. It does help. Thanks again.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 04:27:28 2018 No.11721874
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Finished a short story draft yesterday, which despite many novel fragments and story sketches if the first time I've finished *anything*. I'm pretty happy with it, the prose is a bit rough toward the end and will need substantial editing but I think the core is good. Don't know what I'll do with it, maybe post it here, maybe send it to that girl I know whose the one person I've met who actually seems to understand aesthetics in a similar way to myself.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 04:40:00 2018 No.11721914 >>11721874 Still feels good to accomplish something though, doesn't it?

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 07:54:17 2018 No.11722497 >>11721914 It does indeed. If I died this instant I would at least have produced something before doing it.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 07:56:09 2018 No.11722509

I think it is actually impossible to leave 4chan, other than by death, imprisonment, full-body paralysis, etc. If you're neurotic enough to post here and aren't just an edgy 14 year old you'll never integrate into polite society and will inevitably return to the one place you know fellow neurotic outcasts hang out.

t. someone who's back after 'leaving' for the third time

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 08:00:15 2018 No.11722525
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I'm looking for the source of a quote I remembered yesterday. I'm sure I read it in one of Mark Fisher's books but I cannot seem to find it anywhere. It goes along the line of

>It's worrying that adult men are viewing Marvel and DC superhero film which was originally meant as entertainment for teenagers in the fifties

Can any anon help me? It's driving me fucking crazy

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 09:02:05 2018 No.11722740
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>>11715991
celebrated my 15 year old little brothers birthday yesterday. we're in a christian family so lots of speeches about following God and staying in Church, everything said by good people who are living happy and fulfilling lives. I believe that if one practice the guidings they gave to my brother, one would be truly happy, I just don't believe in God myself, but still am in the church. I am having a really hard time with church and religion, and lots of complexes going on that is eating me up from the inside and out.

A part of me is telling me to stay inside the church no matter what I feel, but I also don't understand why God would make me go through this. I am visibly unhappy and people from school that I don't even talk to that much as asked me if I am ok. I need to take some kind of leap of faith, but that leap can be in either the direction of God, or away from God.

School is also getting harder and harder, not just because I am becoming mentally unstable, but because I am studying the most difficult classes I could've taken.

I just want to be good.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 09:59:03 2018 No.11722900
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>>11715991
I bought this coke at great expense and with designs to use it for my writing. 24 hours and three grams later I find that wine is the tool of true writers. Though my confidence is high I've lost my train of thought and am derailed by the knowledge of the price tag hanging out my hungry nose. If only life were lived without self-consciousness; but then there'd be no words at all.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 10:00:59 2018 No.11722904 >>11715991 I'm in love with my friend from school. We weren't ever that close but I'm stuck on her. She's dating a complete wanker but he's very rich. Wat do?

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 10:05:55 2018 No.11722918 File: 116 KB, 668x712, 1535891795.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>11722904 forget about her, this path leads only to madness

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 10:33:52 2018 No.11723015 File: 7 KB, 250x223, wholesome.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>11721759 i too, love these threads.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 11:53:30 2018 No.11723297 I don't have enough food to cook a proper meal but the grocery store is closed today. I won't be hungry but I'm going to end up eating a bunch of snacks desu.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 12:00:33 2018 No.11723332

>>11716027
The grass is always greener, humans don't know what they want, they always want the other. It's in our very nature to carve for what we don't have. Poor people would NEVER be satisfied unless they're not-poor. Rich people have other things to carve for. Maybe they want a chill afternoon in the park but they can't have it because having a lot of money always offers something else and they can't even comprehend what would they do if they never had money in the first place. Why chill afternoon in the park when you can chill in your private plane on your way to a fucking paradise island? But what do you do when the private plane and island don't make you happy, but you can't comprehend simply going in the park and be thirsty on a summer day because you can't afford a bottle of water?
It's why people "forget where they came from". Even poor-rich people or rich-poor people are never truly happy. It's always the moment of right now. Your state right now influences how you will ever feel. The future and past are not real.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 12:14:17 2018 No.11723377
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>>11716017
Doesn't a wank or sex turn you off from wanting sluts until the next urge comes up? I am a bisexual myself and I want to fuck men in their hairy asses, but I know I will live a more stable life with the woman I know. Everytime I feel the urge to fuck men, I just fuck my gf or have a wank and that's it. If that isn't enough for you, just live her - you don't deserve each other.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 12:21:37 2018 No.11723413

In the almost autumn breeze, reclined on a bench like a blanket, I read. I see the sky transforming with the setting sun. Flares of peach, like music, soar throughout the clouds; somehow a modest flamboyance. Students pass like birds. I am not partial to them, I am actually enjoying it. They are a slower breeze. Plants surround me, around me, the night begins unsoundly. Its getting colder so I zip up my fleece and cross my legs to hold my pee. Women trickle accrose the campus, they are raindrops of temptation. I lower my glance when I can.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 12:33:38 2018 No.11723452 >>11723413 Simultaneously both comfy and pathetic

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 12:37:51 2018 No.11723466 >>11716050 Pretty much what im going through. Altho I would add that you are, by guarantee, too hard on yourself. Which is very common in a depression

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 12:47:59 2018 No.11723503 I wish to start over.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 12:58:00 2018 No.11723556

This board has become disturbingly fast.
Are there any graphs that illustrate the change in, say, the last 4 years?
Seriously, I refresh the catalog and like a dozen new threads have spawned in what seems like a new minutes, and threads die in less than 7 hours. What the fuck?

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 13:00:34 2018 No.11723576 >>11723556 a few minutes*

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 13:05:14 2018 No.11723602 >>11723556 The data doesn't seem to back this up https://4stats.io/ (scroll down)

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 13:10:28 2018 No.11723630 >>11723602 Doesn't it? The average has at least slightly increased in the last year. Am I missing something?

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 13:11:57 2018 No.11723638 >>11723630 >slightly scratch that, it's not actually slight at all

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 13:52:54 2018 No.11723814 Why do gamers still believe the label of 'art' actually means anything significant?

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 14:14:20 2018 No.11723918 The captcha has been very unreasonable lately. >>11723814 Because they want to be taken seriously and trying to label playing Overwatch for 16 hours straight as artistic expression is a way to do that >>11723503 Don't we all anon.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 14:34:08 2018 No.11723996 I want to figure out a way to collect all the things I think are beautiful, all the books and pictures and songs and videos and everything, so I can look at it all and feel assured that goodness does exist.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 15:07:28 2018 No.11724130 >>11721728 This supposes that there's something to improve upon and/or that you know the correct ways of improvement.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 15:10:39 2018 No.11724147 Write what's on your mind

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 15:11:46 2018 No.11724158 >>11719313 Conservative political activism in Germany. Someone wanted to fuck us hard.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 15:27:22 2018 No.11724258 >>11724158 Now be honest anon, is the a coy way of saying "I'm a nazi." or were you actually unfairly targeted?

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 15:40:00 2018 No.11724326 >>11724258 Just a small group of young men who expressed criticism by harmless activism. Authorities tried to affiliate us to a hate crime in our city we dont commited. Got raided and now wait until they prove us innocent.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 15:58:44 2018 No.11724444 Protip: if you're ever unconfident about your writing go check out the critique thread over on reddit, no matter how bad you may be those guys are worse. Also you get to laugh at redditors.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 16:02:47 2018 No.11724464

>>11716017
dump her, be gentle. you're not mature enough for marriage, and may never be inclined to be legally and financially tied to a roastie anyway. it's okay. this is not a judgment. just don't get any of them pregnant. pre-marital sex is not just a sin, it's a stupid risk.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 17:05:47 2018 No.11724820

>>11722740
you're in luck, you won't see it now. Struggle is always the first part, but God will reveal himself to you. You don't need to be dishonest or ridiculous holding an impossible position you don't really believe indefinitely, he'll allow you to be put on the path, the truth will come to reveal itself and you will see.

There's always something that isn't figured out, but after a while it becomes so trivial considering you've won against everything else before it.

here's direction to get you started.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0iDNLxmWVM

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 17:12:31 2018 No.11724853 >>11719524 It's just a reminder of what will become of us.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 18:01:27 2018 No.11725080 >>11715991 Someone confessed their love for me not long ago, I'd love to say yes but I don't feel the same way and I hate it.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 18:04:14 2018 No.11725095 You're not fooling anyone, Artur

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 18:15:37 2018 No.11725159

Republics can't stand for any position, but in the process of me becoming a Christian I had to stand for Christianity, and as I discovered more I learned to fully accept it, till the parts that I held but didn't personally have reason to think was true stopped mattering as more and more of everything else was proven true, so in all likelihood those missing parts were true too. All i'd been trying to do was the right thing - as I am, the simplest of all my noble causes.

I know that if I were not Christian, I would be so utterly mediocre; Christianity has had such an impact on my virtue and the adventure and joy of coming to know God and what was built under his guidance, it is no doubt something of great significance to me.

So is the republic right? Is it really correct to not stand for any ideology? I think the republic has it's advantages, it gets you more moderate, refusing to hold beliefs that you don't actually believe in, the wise republic has quite the clarity in many ways as it tends to be precise, although that tends to make it lose spirit as it's never 100%, always 99.99%. The republic we see doesn't really not stand for anything in practice, even though it says it's free, but whatever I suppose, that's not so major.
But is it better? How can we denounce the monarch for only holding his one position if we are only great because we stuck through everything, all the doubts, all the shames holding on to this one position, this one Christianity? There is advantage in republics, but it seems like it is merely transitory at this point, an experiment in moderation to not go too far and see beauty in the other side, that the other side knows true and is why they fight, and to help notice and keep yourself from certain zealous falsities.

We all know, and as it has already happened that I will be moved by ideology again, and hold positions I don't believe, but that is just the process of knowing things new or false. It's not so bad in the end, I suppose.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 18:22:58 2018 No.11725189 >>11716027 >>11716042 are you retarded?

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 18:23:59 2018 No.11725195 I dislike when people disparage art that is imperfect.

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 18:24:55 2018 No.11725199 >>11725080 Probably a homosexual or a woman.

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 18:26:01 2018 No.11725203

>>11721728
i guess it seems inevitable that its something I need to do. the past week has shown me i can have plenty of interactions with my friends who i game with regularly irl, as well as having more time to be with friends who dont play and who i hate to say it i honestly want to be around more then my friends who game. it seems my friends who game have a lot of negative attitudes and as funny as our inside jokes are they are starting to wear on me. my friends who dont I am always so happy to be around and i feel like we can talk about anything.

thanks for pointing me towards the obvious

>>	Anonymous Sun Sep 2 18:27:36 2018 No.11725208 >>11723602 >https://4stats.io/ i had no idea /v/ was that big. i dont play games so i have never been there, it's bigger than fucking /pol/ even

Anonymous Sun Sep 2 21:55:07 2018 No.11726070
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>>11715991
Nromlefags keep telling me that it's ok that I can't spell but it's a clear sign that I am living refuse. It takes a lot more time for me to write legible english. This post looks fine, but I had to spell check most weards (<exspt that one. nothing worked) sometimes in a search engine to get results. Normally, I would use speech to text but it makes me feel even more like a cripple.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 00:13:15 2018 No.11726533 https://dancefighterredux.wordpress.com/2018/09/02/a-dragon-confronts-the-terasem-movement/

Anonymous Mon Sep 3 03:42:49 2018 No.11727082
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I think sadism is as scary as it is because it necessitates empathy

When you're talking about a psychopath you can say "they lack empathy" like it's a weakness, like you have the advantage over them, but the idea of someone who is emotionally sensitive enough to identify with someone's suffering and STILL want to cause it is absolutely terrifying, like it's proof that evil is more powerful than good

This is also why I find Nietzsche's thought so terrifying, that someone with such obvious sensitivity and intelligence can advocate for endless war and domination reoccurring eternally, pure horror, we are all LITERALLY living in hell and there is no escape even in death

Anonymous Mon Sep 3 05:25:29 2018 No.11727339

>brother is having hard time at college
>parents want me to give him advice
I spent my first year of college sitting alone, crying, reading meme classics, and contemplating suicide. How the FUCK can I give anyone advice other than useless platitudes you could find anywhere? I barely even know the guy we have no functional relationship.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 06:16:42 2018 No.11727432 Cumming in his hand he smeares it on his lover's wall. Under the covers lie the broad and the blackest nutsack of them all. Climax witnessed through the cracks of the closet wall, the bull yells. "Kill me please I am depressed."

Anonymous Mon Sep 3 09:53:52 2018 No.11728032

>>11727082
According to my spiritual beliefs we are indeed living in hell, as in, what we in general understand as hell is the earth and us living and breathing, the reason why we're here is to grow and overcome challenges so when we die we have the chance to be strong enough as to rise to 'heaven', where there's no pain or time, only perfection and peace.
If we did not gather enough strenght or energy during our life, when we die we'd be really fucked.

From my point of view, you're kind of right.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 10:49:06 2018 No.11728234 I always fall backwards into success and it makes me feel guilty about all the people struggling to make it.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 11:42:57 2018 No.11728398 im hanging around waiting for the storm

Anonymous Mon Sep 3 12:08:23 2018 No.11728487

Man I thought socialists tiptoeing around Venezuela and claiming its not real socialism was bad enough but holy shit I saw one get upset that Bernie denounced Venezuela because he wasn't standing up for actual socialism and it was legitimately disgusting to me.

Anonymous Mon Sep 3 13:17:19 2018 No.11728792

We live in the modern world, where people are valueless, and have no ambition for power. There is no need for the people, all that matters is self development and power. Then, when I am powerful, and have won over myself and all others. The way of my death is the way of the samurai, pure pain, since life in and of itself is composed of it. Amen.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 13:34:09 2018 No.11728887 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPWfpgwU5c4 Was how I reacted really right? It doesn't feel like it at all.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 13:41:36 2018 No.11728939 How the fuck is it possible to read ten books a month? How do people do this? Do they not have jobs? Go to the gym?

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 14:20:25 2018 No.11729134 Well, I started writing short stories again and I remember why I quit in the first place. I'm shit and have nothing interesting to say. I can write, sure, but so can most five year olds. I guess some people are just meant to be readers.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 14:23:30 2018 No.11729153 >>11729134 Better to not write than write garbage anon. If you want to be a writer still try to either get some inspiration from the real world or retreat so far into your imagination you start coming up with cool shut.

Anonymous Mon Sep 3 14:40:56 2018 No.11729244

>>11726070
Words is what spell check would have given you. Writing phonetically seems to work better for you than writing prescriptively- you caught the accent pronouncing "words" well, but no dictionary is going to understand that. There's a lot of authors that do that without caring about good grammar or English: Kerouac wrote a lot of stuff in phonetic Quebecois French that sounds better than his English word choices that check out with the dictionary

Anonymous Mon Sep 3 14:57:06 2018 No.11729328
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>>11728939
>get audiobook
>make first half of the book play on left headphone
>make second half of the book play on right headphone simultaneously
>process information at twice the speed
I can't believe there are single core readers on this board. If I am in the mood I can read a book as a quad core processor, with my eyes being added as extra cores. Ears would be as described above, while my eyes read different parts of the book. Advanced readers have hyperthreading, and can process two sources of information on each core, as in two parts of the book being heard on one ear, two more on the other, 2 parts read by one eye, 2 more by the other. Those people can process a book at 8 times their normal speed - but it is a tiring practice that takes a toll.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 15:09:22 2018 No.11729419 Pepsi tastes slightly better than Coke, but I know the cat didn't went to Detroit. Cereal by 4. Shazam.

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 17:26:02 2018 No.11730168 I get invited to half the parties that happen and people are always just as happy if I'm not there, even the smaller parties.,Do I have no effect on the people near me?

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 17:31:38 2018 No.11730194 >>11715991 Niggas

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 20:10:33 2018 No.11730848 >>11729244 >Writing phonetically seems to work better for you than writing prescriptively I have trouble reading my own notes if I don't fix the spelling. I don't gife a fuck about some onions frog. I am defektef.

Anonymous Mon Sep 3 20:12:53 2018 No.11730856

>>11729244
>Writing phonetically seems to work better for you than writing prescriptively-
i dont do either of these, i dont even understand how the words come out looking right, they just do, i have no conscious awareness of spelling the word at all, unless it is a word in a language i am unfamiliar with

words are holistic things in my head, in fact i dont think i even write in words let alone letters or syllables, i think i write in little phrases

i type extremely quickly, much faster than i can speak or think, so pyschologically i dont know what is happening, but it is more like i am watching somebody else type

anyone know what i mean about this?

Anonymous Mon Sep 3 20:17:49 2018 No.11730879

>>11730856
>but it is more like i am watching somebody else type
to be more clear- i have a vague impulse to express a kind of idea-bundle, which is mediated by a sense of 'how should i write this', like stylistically or grammatically or something, and then the product appears before me, but i am unclear about how ti actually happens, and often very surprised at the words that do come out

>>	Anonymous Mon Sep 3 20:29:41 2018 No.11730935 I consistently pump out the most retarded shit online. I'm better than everyone else at it. I never put anyone. But I know. They aren't on my level. It pisses me the fuck off when it's all about who you know and not about talent.

Anonymous Mon Sep 3 21:07:34 2018 No.11731072

>>11715991
It strikes me that consciousness needn't be anything at all like what we now experience in the future. It could be like watching a cartoon movie in which youfeel all the sensations of a given character in a kind of transposed inferential 3d. You could literally inject a person's consciousness into a pornographic gifand then encrypt the associated processs, leaving a person to experience the results over and over again for eternity.

In this way you could turn a person into, say, a hentai comic. But since a hentai comic has multiple pages, there would still need to be some method of managing sequential experience. You could borrow the vision of the person looking at the hentai for this purpose, as this seems like the most intuitive thing. You could also magically import olfactory experience of the viewer's pheremones, to boost the exhibitionist effect and improve the verisimilitude of being watched.

Consent could be hidden in TOS agreements, with hard limits and counterpreferences acting as automatic cancellation or renegotiation of terms of contract. There could be specific buildings one enters, where these transformations take place, along lines of lesser consent or coerced consent. But a backup of the consciousness state of each person who enters could be made at moment of entry. Thus, a husband and wife enter, for instance. The wife "consents" to be turned into a hentai, not knowing it is permanent. The husband complains upon finding out it is permanent. The TOS both signed is revealed. The husband can leave, and get his wife back in a sense: that a duplicate will be created and his memory of the events preceeding will be erased/altered. Thus he and his "wife" will leave, perhaps with a souvenier. Since a contract has been signed, there's no legal breech. Since they exit without incident, there's no alarm raised. Since no hard limits or essential counterpreferences have been breached, and everything is highly pleasurable, there's no deontological or utilitarian counterargument.

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 01:08:40 2018 No.11731903

I have 13 books in my mind that I think about for the 1 hour 20 minute commute I make to work each day in the morning, and the 1 hour 20 minute commute I make back in the evening after working for 10 - 12 hours.

On the weekends I am physically gassed, (tiring job) have children to attend to / play with, wife to hang out with.

Basically I have no time to write the things in my head. Very frustrating.

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 01:22:25 2018 No.11731947

>>11722740
> I just don't believe in God myself

This is an issue that children raised in a Christian household struggle with. It is very difficult to have an open discussion about the existence of God if your parents, peers, and mentors all take it for granted that he exists. It's insulting to bring up the notion that he might not.

Personally I am a Christian (and believer) but I was raised in a family best described as hostile to Christianity. So for me to question God's existence was taken for granted. Later on when I was born again, things weren't so easy...

If you can, I suggest you find someone who can openly and without prejudice go over the matter. It's very hard to find people with no bias, arguing only from logic.

Having said that I wouldn't say that believing in God is entirely logical, either.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 01:50:04 2018 No.11732018 >>11731072 the entire first paragraph is wrong, think harder before you post stupid things with "advanced" notions of cogneuroscience and information theory

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 01:57:38 2018 No.11732035
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I cant see how suicide solves problems. It gets rid of them sure but not by solving them, by making them irrelevant. Its different right?
I cant find a solution to this problem of temporary pleasure im having. Even while feeling extreme levels of euphoria and satisfaction I cant help but remember its only temporary. I cant rationalize not living within that state, but I cant rationalize not living at all.
Im unsure what to do about this problem.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 02:19:30 2018 No.11732094 >>11731072 I wish something would crawl inside your ear and turn you into someone else.

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 03:16:35 2018 No.11732224
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What do you think the next literary style will be? "Hyper irony" is the obvious answer but I think there's pushback to it in the art scene. I'm guessing it will be a synthesis between the jaded irony of the 2010's and DFW-style sincerity. Probably with clean, but not overly-simple prose, elements of surrealism, and much reflection.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 03:21:52 2018 No.11732241 I hate lesbians and bi sexual women. This is the second one I've dated now. What a disappointment. Truly, I am alone.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 03:28:10 2018 No.11732251 >>11716607 I do.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 03:58:04 2018 No.11732303 I want to quit posting here. apart from the books on charts, are there any literal pieces that I'm missing out on?

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 04:02:09 2018 No.11732313 >>11732224 Supermodernism After that hypermodernism

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 08:14:57 2018 No.11732804 I'm a bit scared of how jelaous and control-freak I am sometimes.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 08:17:21 2018 No.11732809 >>11732224 literature is being consumed by identity politics

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 09:27:35 2018 No.11732959
File: 260 KB, 720x988, spoodle.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I think if I didn't have a dog throughout my high school years I probably would have become a school shooter. I spent a lot of nights crying with my pupper tucked against my belly, and I don't know what I'll do when he's gone.

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 09:41:23 2018 No.11733004

>>11715991
The future that awaits me is dark as a moonless night. Everything around me crumbles over and over, and all the battles that I fought were a waste of time and energy, for all of them were finally lost. In spite of my failures I keep trying since there is no other choice other than commiting the despicable act of suicide that I fear intensingly. I am in a trap that I cannot avoid or run away from, all I can do is wait and wait till the old clock says that It is my time and the cruel hand of death sends me to better realities.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 10:58:47 2018 No.11733284 File: 44 KB, 680x765, 1535911815.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Just made coffee by putting the beans that I crushed with the back of a spoon into some cheesecloth and pouring hot water through it am I living the literary lifestyle yet?

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 11:09:55 2018 No.11733324

>>11715991

What most people experience as boredom comes to me in the form of pathology. At least I think it's what most people would call boredom. Whatever it is, it burrows into my heart and seethes there, causing me disproportionately profound angst and anxiety.

I also find myself getting annoyed with everyone now. Internships won't respond, my degree is unenjoyable and borders on useless. I don't find real people sexually attractive anymore. I'm in constant fear of losing the people closest to me probably because I'm pathologically attached to them and they don't need me in the same way (the answer of course is to stop basing my life around other people). My relationship with my parents is deteriorating rapidly.

What the fuck is living

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 11:13:29 2018 No.11733335 i havent read at all for like 3 months

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 11:13:57 2018 No.11733337 >I'm in constant fear of losing the people closest to me probably because I'm pathologically attached to them and they don't need me in the same way Me to a t desu, except I've mostly lost them now and am still in crisis over it.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 11:19:52 2018 No.11733359 >>11732224 fictitious biographies

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 11:26:30 2018 No.11733376 File: 18 KB, 251x231, image.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] My best years are behind me, and even then they weren't that great.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 11:29:37 2018 No.11733386 >>11732018 It's not though. You're just autistically taking it hyper-literally

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 11:38:01 2018 No.11733421
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American liberals are becoming absolutely insufferable, they're so obsessed with this Russia narrative (probably because it lifts the blame for the hilariously bungled 2016 campaign from them) that they're rapidly becoming neocons. How are DEMOCRATS unironically calling for cold war 2: electric boogaloo? How are they praising people like Bush and McCain? Why are there no actual policy proposals beyond "Drumpf le bad!!!"? Why is the """resistance""" limited to posting terrible memes on twitter? What the FUCK is wrong with these people? I'm now in the uncomfortable position of having to admit that there may have been some truth to the memes about liberals being dumb, spineless, institution-worshipping cucks.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 14:32:00 2018 No.11734055 >>11716920 True.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 15:24:45 2018 No.11734249 >>11720254 Holy shit, man

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 15:53:03 2018 No.11734356
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Yesterday I picked up Tonio Kröger. Instantly felt nostalgia because I've read Mann before (more than a few years ago) and it seems like that feeling clicks in my brain when I glance over his prose.

I got to the part where he writes about loving but not being loved back. Checkmate.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 15:58:52 2018 No.11734370 >>11715991 AAAAAVE MARIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 16:13:08 2018 No.11734412

I think I'm going to stop jerking it, or at least only do it when I'm actually looking for release. Right now I just do it when I'm bored, sometimes several times a day. I'd rather be reading.

Also, porn has started to make me nauseous, for lack of a better word. It's like I'm so disgusted by how artificial and excessively stimulating it is. I literally feel unwell after watching it. Hopefully that will make kicking the habit easier desu.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 16:16:11 2018 No.11734418 >>11720254 Write a taxi driver-esque story anon, not even kidding I think you could do it.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 16:17:04 2018 No.11734422 Why do I always have to feel like shit no matter what situation I am in?

Anonymous Tue Sep 4 16:17:20 2018 No.11734424

>>11734412
it might bring only benefits, I had a 50 days streak without fapping this year, after that when I scrolled through some facebook profiles, the less a girl had make up in her photo the more I liked it, it might even help you with your approach game, not make you magically more attractive, but alter some nuances that might help,

I'm on 3 days right now, I actually like the feeling of being horny but not jacking it off

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 16:31:47 2018 No.11734486 >>11734424 Never found makeup attractive desu, I like my women to appear like human beings with flaws and shit. Even the "natural" style makeup annoys me.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 16:32:50 2018 No.11734490 >>11734486 Like I really feel like enough attention isn't made about how fucking neurotic the whole practice is.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 16:40:32 2018 No.11734514 >>11734490 it's all about getting used to someone appearance , when I think about it a bit closer, no matter how ugly someone is, give it enough time you'll get used to it,

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 16:40:57 2018 No.11734516 >>11734422 If you fap often, stop If you drink or smoke weed, stop Don't work a job you hate Also working out, I swear going for a run in the evening or doing some excerises at home will make a world of difference

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 16:49:50 2018 No.11734545 >>11734516 I would also add "use the internet less", it can kick you out of your orbit if you're on track or confuse you even more if you aren't

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 17:49:24 2018 No.11734826 >>11733284 It depends what you eat. I've eaten old bread loaf with nothing else and i think it is /lit/ enough.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 18:12:34 2018 No.11734934 >>11716017 Don't jack off to porn, it'll make it worse. Zoloft and Nofap. Working for me.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 18:18:32 2018 No.11734960 >>11734934 Are you taking SSRIs just to get off porn?

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 18:31:41 2018 No.11735028 File: 44 KB, 569x506, 1444327440419.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] Fuck me, lads. I met a girl who is both smarter and more ambitious than me and I'm falling for her. This is causing my self-loathing to reach unprecedented level.

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 19:45:02 2018 No.11735370 >>11715991 Plato's quote on wives making highs higher and lows more frequent, pushes me away from marriage

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 19:46:48 2018 No.11735377 >>11716012 bellissimo

>>	Anonymous Tue Sep 4 22:30:21 2018 No.11736110 I just use these threads to vent my misery.

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 03:11:36 2018 No.11737013 >>11735028 You could jump in and join her, power couple bro

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 04:06:52 2018 No.11737149 I had best summer ever. And i wanna write a book about story i have on my mind

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 04:53:34 2018 No.11737253 >>11737013 I'm an engineer surrounded by bugmen all day. She's a physics student who knows 4 languages, plays piano and flute, and might be leaving for MIT next year.

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 05:07:50 2018 No.11737290 Reeies' cups , Crisps or nothing im not sure what to get, can you help out reddit ?

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 06:01:56 2018 No.11737439 >>11734960 No. But if so, what could go wrong?

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 07:06:18 2018 No.11737656 Any tips for writing a suicide note? I'm going to kill myself after my dog dies

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 07:17:53 2018 No.11737701 >>11737656 Use the punctuation marks correctly and avoid pompous adjectives.

Anonymous Wed Sep 5 09:11:16 2018 No.11738147

I am in the university library, preparing for a philosophy class. We are studying Hobbes, and it is a struggle to come to terms with such old words and then to question their truth.

I wonder how much of writing aligns to some reality of the world, and how much is superfluous – so abstracted as to become entirely its own thing. Perhaps there are threads, leading from a frivolous writing to actual ideas – or perhaps writing is an assemblage of many threads, all superimposed and contained in one another – down to a truth not contained in the words, seen only by the thread. I must disentangle the thread. I must be the great weaver.

Outside I see a snow covered roof, a peaceful square amid the rows of foreboding buildings. I feel strangely distant from life, and despite being indifferent, it all seems surreal. This is it, I think, this is life. For a short time I have access to this world, to mold and change it to my will before it becomes forever unassailable. Whatever I do, it can never be undone; and so I will forever have a part in the universe. I consider whether this adds a solemn gravity to my actions and thoughts, or if adding an emotive interpretation is just humans twisted anthropocentric way of breathing life into the universe.

I change from world-view to world-view as I please knowing that none are probably true. I see a man; he is miracle of nature, he is a product of natural selection, he is a biological machine, he is a consequence of society, he is everything and he is nothing. I do not imply ideas are relative (not that the universe would not mind) but that anything added to fact is not fact, though it may be useful. For space is not big and it is not small, it simply is, if even that. And as we behold our human prowess for having made it to the moon, the worm glows proudly at having made it across the street.

I look outside again. The snow is now a blemish among the accomplished buildings of man; they stand strong, bringing order to a wild and imperfect nature, and for a moment I am proud of man’s work. I enjoy holding this perspective; the mere fact that I am able gives me hope.

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 10:58:48 2018 No.11738652 >>11737656 Keep it simple and to the point. Also don't kill yourself anon.

Anonymous Wed Sep 5 16:20:48 2018 No.11739925

On the outside, things are going really well. New semester just started, light course load, nice professors, so that stuff's good. But on the inside something doesn't feel right. It's like some unidentifiable entity is crawling on me, right where I can't reach. Right in my head. Despite all that's going right, I spend most of my waking hours feeling like I'm on the verge of panick, despite the fact that I can't name any external factor making me feel this.

Anonymous Wed Sep 5 16:47:11 2018 No.11740047

Apartment by the Bar

Dusty proud red door, gold 335 on the front. Many memories, in my time at the apartment by the bar. The old decrepit place, the previous tenants had turned it into a hippy fairytale, complete with black ink poetry on white walls. Landlord tried to paint over it but you can still read lines here and there. One read: "EAT SHIT AND DIE". A faint whiff of pot. Industrial pipes (watch where you walk) out of use still in place sticking out of the wood floor boards, dark green, etched chipped and tarnished from decades of annual new tenants.

We would host weekly smoke downs, with free entertainment from the local drunks on the street. The windows to the apartment gave us a view of the drunks below. Late at night, there was a window in the kitchen we could open up. We would go on the roof of the business next door and do bong rips, ask stupid questions, laugh. rage of youth, endless nights.

I happened to be just starting my psychedelic phase in the apartment by the bar. Many nights alone and with friends. The wonders, and mystery. We contributed our own scrawl to the old place.

Summer came and I met my first love. We spent most of our days at the old place, and also at the park nearby downtown, near the river. Time seemed to stretch forever, and for once I felt happy. It had been a long time since I felt genuinely happy.

Sometimes when I pass through that town I drive past the apartment. Someone put up a blanket with stars and moons on it. A shame. Its a nice view from the living room.

Anonymous Wed Sep 5 16:54:53 2018 No.11740100
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I feel that i'm getting older and stupider by the day. I never had passion about anything in my life therefore all my choices were about taking the lesser evil. Now that i'm free from shackles, i envy being tortured because it gave meaning to my life. I want to accept the fact that i'm one of those damaged goods who're mere cruel mistake of nature but i cant. I'm stuck between being pure charging energy who wants to overcharge the worlds grid or staying in stale lake who's ugly but beautiful at the same time because it's familiar. So currently i'm numbing myself with hedonistic pleasures just to escape the harsh and cold reality.

Anonymous Wed Sep 5 18:05:15 2018 No.11740460

I'm trying to write a poem that's genuinely beautiful, perhaps even sublime. I'm experimenting with its form; I normally write in regular meter, but I'm dipping into free verse a little with this. I'm trying to create something that will fill people with wonder and joy.

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 18:24:17 2018 No.11740535 Was Wittgenstein genuinely brave or was he some sort of lunatic who relished danger?

Anonymous Wed Sep 5 18:34:24 2018 No.11740586

>>11740535
Autist who had genuinely brilliant insights but was also a bit estranged due to his autism.

Wittgenstein could afford the awkwardness, after all he was apart of one of the richest families in europe at the time. He served in ww1, after three of his brothers committed suicide. He eschewed his traditional upbringing to become a small time school teacher (where he notoriously beat some of his students).

Liking danger im not sure, yet he was definitely bold, arrogant even.

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 19:07:32 2018 No.11740744 File: 1.56 MB, 1920x1080, tdih-jun06-HD.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >>11715991 I'm writing some short horror story and I'll upload it on wattpad

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 19:10:25 2018 No.11740757 >>11723630 Runoff from summerfags posting en masse as school starts

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 19:43:48 2018 No.11740895 Stephen King isn't a very good writer.

>>	Anonymous Wed Sep 5 20:08:01 2018 No.11740993 I know this is one of those posts but seriously lads is there any chance I can get her back because I can't do it anymore she was so damn perfect and I was depressed, just tell it too me straight like 100% pear cider

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 01:17:48 2018 No.11742159 >>11737656 Leave it ambiguous and also make sure to kill yourself before

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 01:25:19 2018 No.11742174 >>11740993 im more of a apple cider guy myself

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 01:26:51 2018 No.11742180 >>11740895 stephen king will suck your dick, suck it slow... yes

Anonymous Thu Sep 6 01:31:20 2018 No.11742191
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I had a dream, the thrust of which won't leave me. Consciousness is a single thing, like the number one.

The reason I am me and not you so to speak is that I am you, and everyone else.

Every glorious achievement and more importantly disgusting sin and misdeeds commuted by anyone was committed by me.

Trying to work out what I shhluld feel about this.

Any thoughts or pointers to books that night bbe worth reading? I believe dostoyevsky had similar thoughts.

Anonymous Thu Sep 6 02:00:59 2018 No.11742263

>>11734249
If it makes any difference, I'm actually feeling pretty good right now. I have all the same problems, some even worse, but somehow I realized that none of it really matters. I've been living the panoptic life, as though others were constantly judging me for not being good enough or living up to some imaginary ideal that I could never reach; as though anyone were actually paying that much attention to me! In reality, it's all in my head, my superego punishing me for my own internalized feelings of inadequacy. I guess it's kind of a dialectic between living in a society that teaches you to feel inferior, then feeling inferior and having those cycles of thoughts perpetuate. But something today made me realize that it's all pointless--my life isn't doomed, I'm not living in some narrative with a happy ending that I won't be able to reach if my life doesn't conform to some hypothetical path that I've dreamed up in an imaginary future that's some combination of every success story I've ever been told, no doubt untrue in the first place. I still don't know if I'll stay in the city or not, but it doesn't seem so consequential anymore; things will work out.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 02:07:51 2018 No.11742292 >>11738147 This is kind of beautiful. I'm not sure about the tone, and the writing can feel a little overly expository at times, but the ideas are really nice. Where are you that it's snowing now? If that's true

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 02:08:39 2018 No.11742295 >>11742191 Unironically listen to the grateful dead and work on their lyrics

Anonymous Thu Sep 6 02:10:34 2018 No.11742300

>>11742191
I think you're close but mistaken. Consciousness is a single thing as Consciousness as such, and we all participate in it. However, in each case it is ultimately "mine" and we are differentiated to the extent of our capacity to be so. This differentiation can be cultivated and eventually teleologically pours back into that Unity which is the Principle which is Consciousnesses which we all participate in. In the same way everything exists, distinctly, through participation in Being which is not a being itself etc.
You should leave the hoi polloi misinterpretations of eastern thought and sink your teeth into guys like Schelling and Novalis. Any of the German Romantics really.
What do you think? Does the idea that we all Participate within Consciousness as such but retain identity seem more likely to you? There is a verse somewhere in the gospel of John where Jesus says something along the lines of "Just as I am in the Father [and yet am a distinct Person], so are you (who believe in me) in Me". Since Christ is supposed to be the Logos of Theos here (the word or result of contemplation of the thing which transcends Being and which brings Being into itself through a share of Himself which He however ultimately transcends), then it is sort of like a repetition of that principle: Jesus as Participant in the Trinity yet maintaining his own identity and so. So too for us within Consciousness.
Idk, check out Schelling and some Neoplatonists (Marsilio Ficino might be good). Bergson as well maybe.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 02:46:34 2018 No.11742370 There is literally nothing wrong with segregation so long as the system which instates it is not prejudiced.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 02:47:14 2018 No.11742371 >>11740993 The best way to get her back is to continue to live your life as the greatest person you can be. Meme advice but its true

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 02:48:52 2018 No.11742375 >>11742370 Sure, but the reason segregation is initiated in the first place is due to prejudice.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 02:50:17 2018 No.11742383 >>11742371 he doesnt wan toget back at her, but instead with her you fucking 105iq intellectual

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 02:51:24 2018 No.11742385 >>11742383 Please work on your reading comprehension and / or sober up before calling people 105IQ. GET HER BACK not GET BACK AT HER

Anonymous Thu Sep 6 02:57:03 2018 No.11742397

>>11742375
An unprejudiced system could protect the populace itself from prejudices on an individual scale through segregation.
But basically I'm just saying that if two disparate parties are bound to generate conflict against each other, forcing them apart is a much cleaner and more thorough solution than attempting to get rid of the prejudice itself.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 03:19:34 2018 No.11742435 thinking about buying a woman

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 03:21:44 2018 No.11742437 >>11742397 I tend to agree, which is why I'm a fan of decentralization and smaller communities.

Anonymous Thu Sep 6 08:58:40 2018 No.11743178 [SPOILER]

File: 5 KB, 172x186, 1536238720938.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>>11715991
>Be me
>Be janitor
>Tuesday night again, have to go clean office space
>It's where computer programmers work, messy ones, leaving around candy wrappers. There's a vending machine here that they all seem to frequent.
>I look at the glass screen, and there seems to be few of the candy bars I like left.
>Not few; but one! I slot my coin into the machine, hear some clunking. Out comes the Hershey: so sweet, I predict.
>Somewhere in the back, I hear a strange wheeze, as if someone or something was perturbed.
>Oh well, I think, and sink my teeth into the brown sweetness.
>I put the wrapper, and all others I find strewn on the floor, into a plastic bag.
>Collect all the bin liners, collate them, and put in the bin.
>Next job: wipe the tables.
>As I wipe the third desk, I accidentally bump the mouse of a computer whose monitor was asleep. The screen flicks back and I see a document opened, the title is...
>You Bright and Risen Angels, I mutter
>Something crashes in a closet behind me, someone's here
>I grab the mop from a bucket, brandishing it as I go to open the closet door.
>It peeps, ajar, without my hand touching it. I step back.
>Then, swinging violently, out comes a shadow... The figure edges forward and the light catches his face.
>Chocolate smudges the sides of ugly lips, which sit on an ugly face.
>And who else c-could it be but William T. Vollmann, the newest and least experienced computer progammer in the office, finishing off his novel after hours
>He hisses at me in Arabic, surely something he learned while he was a journalist in Afghanistan, hanging with mujaheddin. His huge frame casts me aside as he bolts for the door, I fall, my mop clatters as it hits the ground.
Who but William T. Vollmann, I think.

Anonymous Thu Sep 6 09:26:47 2018 No.11743267

I'm tired. University is exhausting, but this cold is making it worse. There's a cute girl in a few of my classes. She has a nice ass.

I haven't been in a relationship in 4 years; I don't think I know how to be in one at this point. I'm aware that I'm in self-loathing, but I think I have imposter syndrome. Maybe I should drop out. That cute girl just walked by again. I should ask her out.
I need to get back on my meds; maybe that will help things.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 09:33:25 2018 No.11743283 I didn't think about working on any marketable skills in the final year of college and I'm stuck in a robotic Hellhole of a workplace with aggressive people. My own complicity and resignation sickens me. I just want to get away and go away

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 09:34:07 2018 No.11743286 >>11743178 >Vollmann using a computer

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 09:42:42 2018 No.11743316 I dreamed deleuze & guattari's A Thousand Plateaus is about smearing shit on bicycle rims

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 09:48:20 2018 No.11743335 >>11730856 >>11730879 It's probably your typing speed. Typing speed tests used take seconds off for misspellings so your actual typing speed by those tests is very slow but you're keyboard bashing and thinking you're fast.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 09:54:15 2018 No.11743347 >>11743267 >I think I have imposter syndrome No, that's just onions.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 10:08:53 2018 No.11743400 File: 365 KB, 500x275, 1536180355.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >tfw physically deformed I'm a freak. How did Kierkegaard deal with it?

Anonymous Thu Sep 6 11:19:32 2018 No.11743609

I want to stab the CEO of my dad's company repeatedly with a knife until he stops breathing or dies from blood loss.

These bloodsuckers are experiencing record profits and a juicy tax cut from Trump, and yet they're still trying to cut the healthcare coverage of my hardworking and honorable father who has always done the right thing.

If I had my way, I would feel that CEO's windpipe crush between my hands.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 11:48:38 2018 No.11743725 >>11743609 hire a black magician to avenge your father

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 11:52:29 2018 No.11743750 My chinpo desires you, Chino.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 13:47:17 2018 No.11744217 not me though, i'm special

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 14:07:23 2018 No.11744311 >>11743400 What is your deformation if I may ask?

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 14:14:10 2018 No.11744353 >>11744311 one of my balls hangs lower than the other

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 14:14:14 2018 No.11744354 >>11744311 Back is fucked, just like Kierkegaard actually

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 14:19:55 2018 No.11744381 >>11715991 >what's on your mind Not enough

Anonymous Thu Sep 6 17:01:30 2018 No.11745020
File: 672 KB, 906x799, 1536180365.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

>tfw simultaneously glad and hate self for not studying literature or philosophy or some fucking humanities subject in school
Probably for the best, but I wish I had an opportunity to engage in the humanities in an actual community instead of on a chinese cartoon forum. Also the stem bugman memes are real and most people I interact with on a day-to-day basis are obnoxious and unthinking.

feels bad man

Anonymous Thu Sep 6 17:03:25 2018 No.11745030

I have friends, but it doesn't feel like it. A while ago, I used to befriend people for a few months and then cut off contact. I did this with so many people. Once I got to know someone passed the surface level I got bored of them, or sick of things they do, or something else happens and I can't stand it anymore. I stopped collecting friends eventually. I had to accept people's flaws and make compromises or I would never have a meaningful relationship. I've done that, but it still doesn't feel like I have friends. I still can't stand people. I really want to be alone right now, but loneliness is worse. I'd rather have someone I can mostly connect with instead of no one at all, but I don't know why it always feels like I'm making the wrong decision.

Anonymous Thu Sep 6 17:27:58 2018 No.11745110

>>11745030
I can relate to this. Luckily I have a friend who feels the exact same way. We mainly just agree how valuable it is to truly know yourself and cherish that you can enjoy your own company and dont need to be distracted constantly. That being said, socializing is healthy and you need to learn how to accept and love the characters you meet

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 17:48:46 2018 No.11745208 >>11743347 My friend, what do you mean by "onions"? I'm fairly new here.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 17:57:53 2018 No.11745246 >>11745110 >you need to learn how to accept and love the characters you meet I thought I did but, maybe I haven't. It all feels so fake no matter what I do. I'll get professional help one day to sort these issues out.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 18:20:13 2018 No.11745326 I feel like my understanding of other people is limited. It's as if I'm watching this species from the outside point of view.

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 18:24:44 2018 No.11745352 >>11716017 Sluts? Oh- you must mean women. Can the male brain even properly conceptualize a woman?

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 18:24:49 2018 No.11745353 >>11745208 s o y He just called you a feminine homo

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 18:27:08 2018 No.11745364 Holy fuck I think I'm losing it

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 18:27:42 2018 No.11745369 >>11745364 Dork

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 18:36:31 2018 No.11745413 >>11745369 Thank you anon, but I'm scared I'll do something bad

>>	Anonymous Thu Sep 6 18:40:13 2018 No.11745426 >>11745413 Then go voluntarily check yourself into the nearest mental hospital

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 7 00:54:32 2018 No.11746858 >>11744354 kyphosis?

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 7 01:05:39 2018 No.11746880 Life is Hell so Hell is Real.

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 7 01:30:07 2018 No.11746928 >>11716524 i'm fucking sorry man, my heart broke for you

Anonymous Fri Sep 7 01:58:54 2018 No.11746992
File: 49 KB, 564x790, B6040e5fe1d49fa79155dc2441a83870.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

I dare to sacrifice Opportunity at the pyre to the great All, whose gift is the standard which renders all else pathetic. The golden bar. But. This. Opportunity. May. Be. What. Is. Best.. Whose. To say. What. Is. Best. But. Me..?

And what is my golden standard? To love more. To. Know. More.. to rescue Persephone from my soul. To let her posses me, To exude her fire over and through the windows. The eyes. The heart. The act. The saying.. to possess all that can be possessed.

Is this not just what is already happening!!!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!??@?!?!

The fire breathes the pure air from the lungs of man, and whispers through his lips and acts. It is all for her already. Oh Father All.. are we similar in our obsession?.

This is all for you! This is all for you!! This is all for you!!!!!!!!! This is all for you!!

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 7 04:03:08 2018 No.11747259 >>11746858 Don't know whatever meme medical term I fit but yeah sure

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 7 04:04:49 2018 No.11747263 I like that this thread exists. Actually what is on my mind is that: Today I woke up late and now I'm going to sleep late.

>>	Anonymous Fri Sep 7 06:31:33 2018 No.11747527 File: 707 KB, 1596x1270, 0.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] >tfw last post before bump limit

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/lit/ - Literature