The Bible:

[Anonymous No.11683704]

Just bought this. What am I in for?

[Anonymous No.11683709]

Lots of strange stupid shit that Christards just brush off as metaphor. Oh but muh jebus definitely did rise from the dead.

[Anonymous No.11683728]

>>11683709
How dare you blasphlegm the word of god!

[Anonymous No.11683734]

>>11683704
A Rollicking good ride through a fun litty summer read

[Anonymous No.11683753]

a bunch of barely related written in many different genres. not all of it is great, but the parts that are are among the best ever written (and clearly the most influential)

[Anonymous No.11683760]

>>11683734
It's autumn. Are you from Australia or something?

[Anonymous No.11683769]

>>11683760

[Anonymous No.11683778]

>>11683760
I'm from your mama's house

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sGmmxUQWig

[Anonymous No.11683809]

>God's name is jealously
>Wait that can't be right.
>Google line and every version of bible has the same line
Now Christianity has done a lot of good and inspired countless great people but the OT is a joke.

[Anonymous No.11683843]

>>11683809
1 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;

2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.

3 And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image; and called his name Seth:

4 And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters:

5 And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.

6 And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos:

7 And Seth lived after he begat Enos eight hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters:

8 And all the days of Seth were nine hundred and twelve years: and he died.

9 And Enos lived ninety years, and begat Cainan:

10 And Enos lived after he begat Cainan eight hundred and fifteen years, and begat sons and daughters:

11 And all the days of Enos were nine hundred and five years: and he died.

12 And Cainan lived seventy years, and begat Mahalaleel:

13 And Cainan lived after he begat Mahalaleel eight hundred and forty years, and begat sons and daughters:

14 And all the days of Cainan were nine hundred and ten years: and he died.

15 And Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and begat Jared:

16 And Mahalaleel lived after he begat Jared eight hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters:

17 And all the days of Mahalaleel were eight hundred ninety and five years: and he died.

18 And Jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch:

19 And Jared lived after he begat Enoch eight hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:

20 And all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years: and he died.

21 And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methuselah:

22 And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:

23 And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years:

24 And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.

25 And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech:

26 And Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters:

27 And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died.

28 And Lamech lived an hundred eighty and two years, and begat a son:

29 And he called his name Noah, saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed.

30 And Lamech lived after he begat Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begat sons and daughters:

31 And all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years: and he died.

32 And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

[Anonymous No.11683882]

>>11683843
If you follow that you eventually get to Jesus right?
But modern Christians say that the OT isn't to be followed?

[Anonymous No.11683900]

>>11683882
Yeah but even in the New Testament there are two different genealogies to reach Jesus. Many hoops have been jumped through to try to explain this but so far the most convincing explanation is "they just made it up".

[Anonymous No.11683996]

>>11683704
>2 Volumes
>Not splitting it by OT and NT

[Anonymous No.11684057]

A whale of a time (with Jonah).

[Anonymous No.11684092]

>>11683900
The important thing is his connection to David

[Anonymous No.11684125]

Schizophrenic ramblings that don't make any sense

[Anonymous No.11684138]

>>11683709
>>11683728
As seen on r/atheism

[Anonymous No.11684260]

>several chapters describing metal hoops and threads
Woah... so this is the majesty of the Bible

[Anonymous No.11684289]

>>11683704
OP just read the abridged version:

https://innerdrive.blob.core.windows.net/images/SMBCminiBible.pdf

I just saved you a lot of time.

[Anonymous No.11684304]

>>11684092
Yeah, that would be the reason they made it up.

[Anonymous No.11684566]

A load of contradictory, outdated, plagiarized retarded stories that people cherry pick through and all interpret differently.
I think in the States it comes under non fiction.

[Anonymous No.11684573]

A lesson in Jewish mythisized history, and then Jews having sectarian arguments about it with other Jews and Romans.

[Anonymous No.11684587]

While we're at it, what are some of the most important things in the Bible that you should read before you dive into everything else? I want a basic understanding of Christianity.

[Anonymous No.11684652]

>>11684587

The most important things in the Bible were actually thrown out of the Bible by Roman-appointed Nicean council.

[Anonymous No.11684858]

>>11684587
not in the bible, but essential

[Anonymous No.11685179]

>>11684138
>>>/pol/
/lit/ is now officially a hinduist board