/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.11635886]

>"Hi! I saw you checking out that book!"
>"It's one of my favorites haha, do you want to grab a coffee with me sometime?"

[Anonymous No.11635897]

>>11635886
I am a virgin
your move, roasty

[Anonymous No.11635904]

>>11635886
Yeah, sounds good. What are you reading right now? I always have a little stack going

[Anonymous No.11635913]

>>11635886
You pseud. Im an ascetic. You disgust me with your primitive moves.

[Anonymous No.11635914]

>>11635886
Get the fuck away from me you impudent strumpet! Security! Security! Help! Help me! Ow. Ouch. Ouch! STOP THAT! Security! Please!

[Anonymous No.11635920]

>tfw this will never happen to me

[Anonymous No.11635922]

>>11635886
>calls down white phosphorous hellfire strike on her location and watches her die a slow and agonizing death

[Anonymous No.11635923]

>>11635886
Fuck coffee. Wanna see my dungeon? I'm a big Marquis de Sade fan, you worthless roastie scum. Fuck the hunger games, fuck harry potter, fuck fifty shades of grey, and fuck you, whore. On your knees!

[Anonymous No.11635925]

Looks like a nose piercing, pass.

[Anonymous No.11635932]

>>11635886
>fuck her in the ass on the spot and make her cum 5 times

[Anonymous No.11635934]

>>11635886
Uh yeah sure...umm....uh, my number is.....
*cums in pants from nervousness*

[Anonymous No.11635942]

She looks identical to my coworker, part the nose piercing

[Anonymous No.11635946]

>>11635886
I am a virgin. I will die a virgin. My death will be a death that would have been considered sad if it had occurred perhaps fifteen years before. There will be grief, but all the agonies that my progenitors might pass into (and they are the only people in this entire world who even know of my existence) will be underpinned by this indomitable truth: it is a mercy that he is gone. The quantity of my existence stands only as a component for perpetuating the tortuous quality of the cheap jest that constitutes its vapid manifestation. My virginity has become the gorgon against which all my faculties rise only to be turned to stone; but this is no silent stone, this is not the stone of Plotinus that stands as the antithesis of the Intellectual Principle--for while yet stone I still feel the mind's unscrupulous lacerations and all that grieves the very fibers of its being. The spirit is dimmed each time a girl passes before the mechanism of sight that some pitiless god has glued to my body. Even the ugly, unshaven, modernity enthralled women with clowns' hair and bodies desecrated with tattoos which map out upon fastfood fed bodies the vapid cliches that coagulate to form their mind, even these paralyze the life in me. Masturbation has become merely the corpse of a habit that no longer instills pleasure, no longer even succeeds in distracting, but is only the dull libidinal twitch of a mind faced with the irrepressible impossibility of its reality, while lacking the courage to galvanize itself towards rectification. In the end I do not seek repentance. The decimated husk of my ego drifts towards the only gray shore its virginity-shackled mind can still vaguely form, still vaguely know as whisper or faint wriggling worm in an unclear wound--worm's whisper out of a wound that clears: Death. Here is the Telos to which the entirety of my Dasein has been speeding. Here I shall sink at last, unrequited, into the tentacles of Annihilation's amnesia. My humiliation slowly becomes seething hatred for all who embody that element of the opposite sex, and my soul's relentless cry for something beyond suicide slowly twists itself into ever more feverish fetishes that the internet can happily supply an outlet for. At last, the inconsequential blip that referenced Myself whenever it imagined 'I Am' shall find, not rest, but an end to the sequence of caustic images that only ever taunted it into further depths of Hell's sardonic pitch. No prostitute can relieve me of my virginity, for it has become a magnificently metaphysical lesion that I lack the medicine or Savior's name to remove and, like that man at the pool of Bethesda, take up my carpet and walk into the world again

[Anonymous No.11635949]

>>11635886
*ignore her*
>"Hey, I'm talking to you! You're being really rude."
*continue ignoring her*
>"Alright, you little prissy faggot. If you're going to pretend I don't exist, then I'll just scream."
>screams loud enough to shatter my ear drums
>no one in the store notices
>just another hallucination...
I tend to pretend other people don't exist if they're interacting with me one on one. Otherwise it can get dicey as a schizoid.

[Anonymous No.11635951]

>>11635886
>performs Wind Style: Rasen-Shuriken on her and watches her decapitated head roll along the floor
>smirks
Heh, nothing personell

[Anonymous No.11635955]

>>11635897
This but unironically. I've been approached by a whopping 4 girls in my life. All of them, of course, not virgins. As any degenerate who doesn't have any self respect would approach me has been approaching countless more appealing potential whoremongerers

[Anonymous No.11635962]

>>11635886
If this happened to me, the universe would implode. It's simply too unlikely, not even God would be able to comprehend

[Anonymous No.11635965]

>>11635886
>nope, I dont drink coffee

[Anonymous No.11635970]

>>11635886
You like Infinite Jest too?

[Anonymous No.11635971]

>>11635922
I wish I knew that feel. God is a dummy for not making me God instead. I'm not like that other guy. It's time he retired.

[Anonymous No.11635985]

>>11635971
I love you

[Anonymous No.11635993]

You're right, I was checking out that book... checking out how awful it is. This book is nothing but pure trash designed for the lowest common denominator. The fact that such a dreadfully moronic, vulgar book classifies as your "favorite" speaks volumes about your worth as a person and your intellect. Both are severely lacking, I'm afraid. Before you speak to me again, try acquiring the faculties necessary to understand the difference between good and bad taste, and then realize that you clearly possess the latter quality. Oh, and by the way: never go out into public with a piece of metal stuck in your face, you stupid bitch.

[Anonymous No.11636030]

Coffee? You drink coffee? What kind of a degenerate slut are you that you can't keep yourself awake and motivated solely with your mental powers and daily ambition? Oh, I know. You were probably up late last night drinking whorevodka with your slut friends, comparing each other's period blood and looking at pictures of Chad while riding BBC dildos. Shut your slut mouth when I'm talking to you! I don't need to hear your excuses for contributing to the degeneracy of Western civilization. I've heard it all, believe me. Every roastie excuse for failing the white man there is. Well enough is enough. *pulls out katana and slices roastie in half, tips fedora to checkout Chad* Do you have Tis a Pity She's a Whore in stock?
Uh, I don't think so, bro.
*decapitates pleb checkout Chad with katana*
A gentleman's work is never done.

[Anonymous No.11636032]

>>11635949
pretty funny post anon

have a good week friend

[Anonymous No.11636034]

>>11635904

Any response that isn't something along these lines is a cover for being sexless

[Anonymous No.11636052]

sometimes girls seem to be interested in me when I manage to somewhat conceal my autism, every time I pray to God that they don't say anything to me
I'd drop my spaghetti in literally 2 seconds flat and it woud be embarrassing for everyone involved and I wouldn't be interested anyway and wouldn't even be able to let her down easy and I'd feel terrible
>>11635897
this seems like a viable strategy actually

[Anonymous No.11636053]

>>11636034
Too true

[Anonymous No.11636080]

>>11635886
How could she smile like that if she knew herself to be what she is, a fuck doll and an incubator? How could she pretend to be THAT, knowing that later into the day she's going to absorb some man's jizz after being fucked like a plastic doll? Thank God for women being insane, they wouldn't be able to stand being women if they weren't

[Anonymous No.11636085]

>>11635886
Uh, slow down, pal, I haven’t even read it yet. It might be shit.

[Anonymous No.11636088]

>>11635886
>its mein kampf

[Anonymous No.11636092]

>>11635886
Hi. Yes but I don't think it would be a good idea for you. I struggle daily with mental illness and my medication makes me highly susceptible to mood swings that often cause injury to my personal relationships. I'm sorry I'm very fucked in the head my brain is no good.

[Anonymous No.11636094]

>>11635886
>short dyed hair
>nose ring
>starting to age in early 20's
>feminist necklace
>in a book store, probably LARPing

Yeah no

[Anonymous No.11636140]

>a girl reading plotinus
Huh?

[Anonymous No.11636151]

>>11635886

I feel slightly ashamed to say that nose ring makes her cuter

[Anonymous No.11636155]

Tbh I'd let anyone take me out for a coffee if they were being so nice to me out of nowhere.

[Anonymous No.11636156]

>>11636092
fuck off

[Anonymous No.11636158]

>>11635949
based and redpilled

[Anonymous No.11636166]

>>11635886
>"Hi! I saw you checking out that book!"
>"It's one of my favourites haha, do you want to grab a coffee with m-"
>I hold up a single open hand while she is speaking, immediately silencing her, then turn to a random page in the book I was checking out
>I smile quietly to myself as I read the entire page, occasionally snorting cryptically
>After finishing the page I close the book and hand it back to her, still smiling
>Me: "He's terrible, isn't he? Absolutely awful. Put that book back and please follow me to their Joyce"
>I throw Infinite Jest at her and she puts it away for me with an alarmed look on her face, then I take her to the Joyce section of the librairie
>Her: "Joyce? Yeah I read part of Dubliners in my 400-level community college English class. Do you, uh, d-do you think he's good--"
>"Read this"
>I have shoved Finnegans Wake under her nose
>"Out loud"
>her: "ba...babba......bababadgharf....bababagargrfap--
>I rip the book out of her hands and stare directly into her eyes
>me: "Completely wrong, it's bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoor-denenthurnuk. bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonnerronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoor-denenthurnuk is portmanteau of various thunder-related words from languages all across the globe; in this context it represents Eve's tragic fall to Satan and the subsequent collapse of Eden. It is perhaps the single most important, emotive, and creative word ever spoken in the entire history of human speech, literally transcending language, and you cannot even read it."
>I throw Finnegans Wake in her face and inform the rest of the purveyors of literary classics that an illiterate has wandered into their domain
>I leave the store with a copy of Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception under my coat, unpaid for

[Anonymous No.11636170]

>>11635946
this is awesome

[Anonymous No.11636173]

>>11636166
Is this, dare I say it, the most based post on /lit/ since its inceptipn?

[Anonymous No.11636202]

>>11635886
I've renounced my fellow man, woman.
You thirst for the corporeal and temporal. Things that end and never satisfy. You drink from these you will thirst again.
Renounce the flesh. Temper your desires while lessening your appetite. Lessen your labors and remain in your cell. Do this and you will know peace.

[Anonymous No.11636203]

Mm, yes, you appear to be a conasewer of Laurence Sterne. Something I just noticed, ma'am, you have nasolabial folds. I have those as well. Why don't we aquantence ourselves over a cup of coffee at a designated time of your pleasing? Verily well, I'll present you with my cellular number. Of course you're given free will whether you'd like to pursue a romance and talk about other labial folds. One such as myself can only hope a female will want to continue dialogue and eventually make heirs to our investments. Because what's the point of living if I can't contribute to the continuation of some genetic dynasty? I can't have billions of years since the Big Bang to end with me from a lack of a little bang.

[Anonymous No.11636208]

>>11635949

>yfw

[Anonymous No.11636210]

>Nose ring
Into the dustbin it travels

[Anonymous No.11636214]

>>11636166
i didnt get most of it but the thought of atermis fowl made me laugh

[Anonymous No.11636225]

>>11636173
Not the most based but it's ( >>11636166 )a good post, no doubt.

Intellectual superiority. Check.
Hannibal smoking cigarette. Check.
Digits. Check.
Mocking the shit that is Infinite Jest. Check.
Good ending. Check.

Shouldn't have made the distinction between community college and undergrad English classes in general. For that, I award it 9/10 by transitive property of OP of taking an equivalent English class at University. He may be forgiven if he hasn't reached post-graduate level narcissism yet.

[Anonymous No.11636255]

>>11635886
>>"Hi! I saw you checking out that book!"
>>"It's one of my favorites haha, do you want to grab a coffee with me sometime?"

[Anonymous No.11636267]

>>11635886

My life together with her would flash before my eyes. I'd see us get married and have kids. Eventually she would stop wearing the nose ring except when I playfully prodded and teased her about it then she would put it back on just for me. I'd tell the kids she was wearing it when we first met and she'd blush and we'd all have a laugh.
Then after the unusually long silence while I was imagining all this I'd snap back to reality and awkwardly mutter something unintelligible. She'd stand there for a brief moment unsure of what to do next and then shuffle off. I'd quickly leave the building and wonder what exactly she must have been thinking. The thought would haunt me for the rest of my life. I would never go back.

[Anonymous No.11636269]

It would actually go like this
>"Hi! I saw you checking out that book!"
>"It's one of my favorites haha"
>she waits for you to pick up the conversation and hopes you will ask her out
>you say "yeah, it is pretty good" even though you have not read it
>you leave quickly

[Anonymous No.11636276]

>>11635886
>B..but I was checking Mein Kampf..

[Anonymous No.11636281]

>>11636166
a god among men

[Anonymous No.11636295]

>>11635913
>>11636202
Chaste and breadpilled

[Anonymous No.11636300]

hey guys what do I do if I'm not a virgin and shagged quite a few girls some years back but now I'm in a position in life where I can't make the moves? will it come back?

[Anonymous No.11636306]

>"Hi! I saw you checking out that highly oppressive book!"
>"Did you know that microaggressions like forcing POC to see books written by old white men is an act of violence?"
>"Buy me a coffee right now or else I will ring your place of employment and tell them you called me a nigger."

[Anonymous No.11636368]

>>11636306
Sorry I cannot hear you, your chains are making too much noise

[Anonymous No.11636410]

>>11636173
>>11636225
It's a copypasta re-jiggered for green text form

[Anonymous No.11636427]

if a girl if ever this forward with you, that same attitude of hers will be a problem later on

[Anonymous No.11636437]

>>11635886

this is very unlikely to happen as most people mind their own business in bookstores or, if there's seats, they're in there to take a break and eat their lunch lmao

the only compliments I got from a bookstore are the staff and as flattering as it is they don't want my dick they want my money, honey

[Anonymous No.11636455]

>>11635886
>"Actually, I'm going to the Klimt expo tomorrow, wanna join and get this coffee afterwards?"

[Anonymous No.11636457]

>implying this has ever happend ever to anyone

[Anonymous No.11636487]

>>11636457
>implying we're talking about the encounter as a phenomenon and not as its Form

[Anonymous No.11636495]

Too old.

[Anonymous No.11636496]

>>11636457
>>11636487
>he doesnt realise the unmanifested is more real than the manifested

[Anonymous No.11636502]

>>11635949

[Anonymous No.11636508]

>>11635886
It's fucking August. Why are you wearing a denim jacket?

[Anonymous No.11636568]

>>11636457
It literally happened to me once. Random cute girl at book store and all.

Im in a relationship so wasnt interested in fucking her. Im sure i could have.

[Anonymous No.11636592]

Good opening line but your follow up was too immersion-breaking. Try something more believable next time.

[Anonymous No.11636599]

>>11636495
2D

[Anonymous No.11636608]

>>11635886
No thanks, I'm married.

[Anonymous No.11636621]

>>11636306
>tfw no qt 3.14 African goddess to bully you
Why even live.

[Anonymous No.11636663]

>>11635886
That never happens.

[Anonymous No.11636775]

>>11635946
Is this pasta or is this something you've rehearsed for the occasion