/lit/ - Literature

[Anonymous No.11517505]

Can you write a fight segment that doesn't come out as cheesy?

[Anonymous No.11517822]

>he punched him
>"Damn that nigga got nay-nay'd"

[Anonymous No.11517839]

Just do what every modernist/postmodernist author does and start writing about random things that has nothing to do with fighting until the fight is over

[Anonymous No.11517927]

No, just go with the first ham-fisted scene you come up with.

[Anonymous No.11517936]

are there fights that arent cheesy?

[Anonymous No.11517940]

>>11517505
The one in The Sun Also Rises is bretty gud

[Anonymous No.11517948]

>>11517940
First one I thought of. Best to just keep it short and sweet.

[Anonymous No.11518156]

>>11517505

He punched him with all the might in the world, and the assailant staggered back, spinning on his heel.
Kapow
Another to the ribs, which took the wind out of him
Kroon
This time the jaw, which made a cracking noise, followed by a howl of pain from the man
Bash
He did hin another punch on the head
Bam
Ouch, the shoulder hurt
Peck
He transforms into a bird and begins pecking at his his eyes
Peck peck
The man is now a blind

How did I do guys?

[Anonymous No.11518164]

>>11518156
Kino

[Anonymous No.11518176]

>>11517505
with an unseen contraction his arm flew in an arc and connected, taut fist and muscles, with the jaw of the blind girl, her entire body going stiff and hitting the concrete followed by her groceries. Her walking stick might have looked flimsy but it sure hurt when it hit the back of his foot.

[Anonymous No.11518179]

>>11517505
yeah
see: Blood Meridian, Infinite Jest

[Anonymous No.11518246]

>>11518156
Separating each action into its own line with short onomatopoeia is actually pretty good.

[Anonymous No.11518331]

>>11518176

[Anonymous No.11518345]

>>11518246
I agree. A fight should be like a dialogue; more of a "he said, she said" back and forth, because a fight is just another form of conversation. Don't describe each action ad nauseum; just state an action followed by the opponent's response.

Arthur swung his sword.
Parrying, the Black Knight replied with a rough kick in the chest.
Staggering from the backward momentum, Arthur went on the defensive.
The Black Knight threw a torrent of blows: Shoulder. Neck. Knees. Thrust.
Arthur stepped, turned, and swung. The Black Knight's arm separated from his body like a joint from a hog.

[Anonymous No.11518350]

>>11518246
it's a really neat trick but i haven't seen it done in a lot of books.

[Anonymous No.11518406]

>>11518345
>a torrent of blows
>Shoulder. Neck. Knees. Thrust.
A full stop is too strong a piece of punctuation in my opinion. It creates a jarring pause between each blow which contradicts the description of the series of attacks.
I'm being pedantic but that's because that whole piece is actually very decent.

[Anonymous No.11518650]

>they exchanged punches and kicks in a manner not cheesy at all

[Anonymous No.11518797]

>>11518650
>I'm also a great writer. There was a sunset.

[Anonymous No.11518841]

>>11517505
i cant, no, but mccarthy and ellroy sure can

[Anonymous No.11518972]

>>11518176
kek

[Anonymous No.11519187]

calling up his battle courage, he reared his valiance and sent it full force into his foe, muscles wrenching in fierce harmony, hurling his full mass forward, the shadow of his arm tracing its path along the asphalt. his mighty violence unmatched, cruel glory seized and looted from the noble strength of the fallen foe, now lying still, blood fertilising the barren lifeless ground. "I would like to die where i can see the stars too", his fighting spirit pined. heroism rushed through him, that mighty, cleansing, penetrating wind overcoming pain and fury, until even the birds and the trees, witness to this theater of force, took the form of the heavens. "WORLD STAR, WORLD STAR" the inevitable joy from the watching heralds pulled his unwilling form back to this earth, what a cruel thing it was to rid one of that divine moment. "AYO THIS NIGGA FINNA OUT COLD MUHFUGGA" words on great wings soared to meet his descending self, now framed eternally by iphones and cheap imitation equivalents from the orient. "HOOOOOOOOO" and similar such apelike utterings sullied the once clean beauty of the timeless contest of power until the leaping swarthy raucous forms dancing and encircling in the blue neon gaze of the nearby seven eleven surmounted the objective limit of indignity, and that disdain, unmatched in sincerity loosed itself from its self imposed prison and found its realisation in his flight from the foul scene. just like his 300 IQ black egyptian ancestors, taquande kilolo left his opponent to feed carrion birds on the plain where he was slain.

[Anonymous No.11519244]

>>11517505

[Anonymous No.11519317]

>>11519244
That boomer needs a Tapout shirt

[Anonymous No.11519540]

>>11518156
Awful.

[Anonymous No.11519592]

Flesh ripples along bones, jolting and swaying with the blows. Perfect arcs are run through the air by cocked fists and angled arms. Thick, dumb whacks. Mandibles are launched from their skulls, coming back in muddied oscillations. The bodies bow and lose balance into each other, their shoes sliding over a slick of hair and fluid.

[Anonymous No.11519611]

>>11517505
Yes because I studied different martial arts for years along with fencing.

[Anonymous No.11519634]

>>11517505
The fights in Gargantua and Pantagruel were hilarious. Write like the classics

[Anonymous No.11520449]

>>11517505
I read a lot of Sword & Sorcery shit, and they all seem to do fight scenes pretty well.

It might just be me, but I could read about a brutish barbarian slicing open henchmen and beheading his enemies all day.

[Anonymous No.11520489]

>>11519592
Great job. It's fucking terrible.

[Anonymous No.11520498]

>>11517505
>Mr roidded up nigger came to blows with [insert name]. It was a bloody scene and as one would expect given the size differential and chemical assistance [insert name] easily rendered [insert name] unconcious with several blows to the head.

Done

[Anonymous No.11520974]

>>11517936
Am i the only one that thinks the fight between Humbert and Quilty was the most kino in all of /lit/

[Anonymous No.11520980]

>>11517936

The first bar fight between the kid and that bartender in Blood Meridian is pretty great.

[Anonymous No.11521001]

>>11517505

>The stalwart innie girded down on his beefy muscles to fend off the probing phallus. He grunted heavily each time he smushed his gigantic onyx pizzle glans against her pink sliver. Until finally she tired and he wedged his tip inside her and began prying her open like a stone fruit.

[Anonymous No.11521012]

>>11517505
Our friend picked up the shovel and fucking brained him with it. He staggered, unable to decide whether or not he was still alive, the shovel having a great deal to say on that topic and yelling loudly in his ears. The floor, a much friendlier character, quickly offered him a place to rest what was left of his head as he sorted everything out. He wasn't a particularly thoughtful character, and now, with less than a full cerebrum to work with, the task was significantly harder. Seeing this equivocality, our friend voice his opinion fervently - his stance on the matter came out of the newfound Baretta and tore a hole through the discussion like a bullet.

[Anonymous No.11521015]

>The last of the escaped pizza was cornered in the basement by the stacks of five gallon buckets and barrels. Podesta texted Debbie to reassure her, before wiping his genitals clean of fetal viscera. He would take his time on these last pizzas and hotdogs.

[Anonymous No.11521044]

>>11517505
Yeah, I think so. Probably because I've done a little kickboxing, and played American football. Also, I've taken a full blown punch to the face, and had the shit kicked out of me. I'm pretty familiar with physical struggle. One time, in high school, my creative writing teacher asked me for pointers on writing fight scenes after she read one of my stories, lol.

[Anonymous No.11521054]

>>11519592

[Anonymous No.11521061]

>>11521044

Let's hear some stories rude boi

[Anonymous No.11521075]

The only two ways I feel work are either a straightforward, clinical description of what is happening. No adjectives, no similes, no telling us about the combatants' mental states or such. Just what happens, get it done and over with. This is a solid and effective approach if you have any actual fighting know-how.

Or else ditch the physical dimension altogether. Don't attempt to write about things you know nothing about, or suck at. Rather describe the conflict of objectives or ideals that goes on behind the punches, or something.

[Anonymous No.11521311]

Move over Chuck Palahniuk

[Anonymous No.11521329]

>>11521311
kino

[Anonymous No.11521347]

>>11517505
The deer gored him. Its antler broke off in his chest cavity. He died with blood on his teeth. It was gross.

The deer is the protagonist.

[Anonymous No.11521351]

>>11521347
I actually am in love with the concept of a book about a deer that just refers to it's protag as 'The deer'

[Anonymous No.11521363]

>>11521311
But how did the log feel?

[Anonymous No.11521375]

>>11521363
Adam died immediately from sheer terror, so we'll never truly know. The Slab, whose real name is Curtis Manhattan, went on to become an accomplished cardiovascular surgeon, finally making his mother proud. The log of shit died alone, upon further investigation it seems he spent his free time eating pretzel sticks and shitposting on /tv/ and /lit/.

[Anonymous No.11521475]

>>11517505
>And the darkness came over his eyes.

[Anonymous No.11521502]

>>11521347
This is good.

[Anonymous No.11521576]

>>11521311

[Anonymous No.11521602]

>>11517505
I punch him in the dick
"ow my dick"
Haha I laughed "you jus got gorgonzola'd"
he crie

[Anonymous No.11521613]

>>11521311
had a little giggle but this is well written

[Anonymous No.11521642]

>>11518156
lost at peck peck

[Anonymous No.11521657]

>>11517505
First author that comes to mind is Mccarthy for this.

[Anonymous No.11522232]

The virgin brawler.
Limp wrist.
Weak fist.
No grit.

The Chad combatant.
Strong muscle.
All hustle.
Jimmies thoroughly rustled.

They came to blows. It went as one might expect.

[Anonymous No.11523008]

Someone had a gun.
He was shot in the head.
All those red pills, they didn't help at all.

[Anonymous No.11523226]

>>11517505

describe how it feels for the protagonist to hit/get hit?

''Fugg dat hurt :DDDD''

[Anonymous No.11523462]

With gloved hands in fists just in front of my chin, my body turned sideways, and my left shoulder is facing my opponent I shift my weight back and forth from my lead foot to the other, bobbing up and down slightly in a fluid motion, waiting for the match to start. The bells rings, and my opponent throws a jab, and a left hook right off the bat. Moving just my head, I swiftly avoid them both, and search for a opening. My opponent is aggressive, throwing a maddening flurry of punches each closer to landing the last, until one slightly grazes my chin. I continue my defensive strategy for the whole first round, wasting little energy dodging and blocking. Halfway into the second, my opponent was tired now,out of breath, visibly exhausted and his technique had become sloppy. Now was the time. A quick jab, being the first thrown, catches him off guard, he only just raises his hand up in time to block it. With the punch blocked he goes for a right hook, winding up, the stepping forward with his right foot, and throwing all his weight behind it. To no avail, the punch is easily ducked. I weave under his arm, and begin to swing with my right all in the same motion. He only realizes the counter is coming after the cross had missed. A savage blow clocks him, connecting perfectly with his chin as it spins his head to the right, sending spittle and a mouth-guard flying through the air. He lands face-first on the floor with a thud.

[Anonymous No.11523642]

>>11519244
>we get on the ground?